The 2023 Takie Awards

We have guest presenters, we have podcast listeners of the year. The AWL is going for eight in a row. Hopefully they get it. A huge, huge show.

One of our favorite shows to do every.

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Lewis Hamilton Lewis Hamilton UNC Women's Soccer Yeah, Dynasty.

Are the Awls bad for podcast listeners? It might be so there.

Like, I hate that we did that.

It's the best thing about the game.

No, these are the Takeys from around last year.

I'm excited, by the way.

It's a Friday. Drink along. yeah, drink along. Billy doesn't even really drink anymore.

What color do you think of when you see that can?

Blue, Let's go all right, here we go. So 28 awards are giving out, give or take, we are going to get through all of them.

We're going to have Blake of the Year towards the end, we're going to have the podcast Listeners of the Year towards the end. We're very excited for this program, we're ready to go should we kick it off.

Should we get it going? We also have a few celebrity presenters of awards. Any last words before we get going with the Takeys? I'm excited to see who wins, what year.

How many years is?

This is a.

Do it in Youngstown Live show Decade Hawaii. Ooh, what about? Okay? So hear.

Responsibly, it would be very responsible, it would be our hard work, so that's responsible. Yeah, it's our hard work. Well, we'll think about it.

I think we should do the 10th year live show. Okay, it's a special.

Okay, Temecula, Meet us in Temecula.

Huge awl.

Yes, not fake, totally real, real, real real. Your holes in one are just as real, Jake.

Deep field. We have nominees, Elon Musk, Elon Musk bought Twitter, got very much online.

Bought it as a joke to basically troll everyone, and then he also got revealed to have a burner account. That is his son. I think he's cosplaying as his son, yeah.

Some of his Burner account tweets were, This is my first tweet. Crypto is confusing. It's a three-year-old, so that would understand. yeah, it's confusing for me too.

Only one person is following me. sigh. It's relatable for the love of God. Can someone follow me? Hello, please follow me.

And then, finally, his last tweet from his burner account is on April 24th. I will finally turn three on May 4th. In the words of Elon Musk, Interesting, interesting. So he was very much online concerning.

So online that you can't get.

Billy was.

I don't know how to find it. Uh, so Billy was very online. What do you say, Billy? You were pretty online this year? Uh, yeah, it's because I'm always.

Yes, so congrats. I've realized one new thing that Billy says. When you can tell that he's about to lie about something or quote misinformation, he'll say it has been said that. And then he'll go on and say the thing, that's the new, that's the new trigger phrase that he's got, yes.

Yes, um, next up we have.

Oh, his brains have an insurrection against itself. It was quite a take, uh, next up in the two online category. We have Chris Sims also related to us, so we we talked about a couple of months ago. The uh passing of the founder of two and on Chris Sims. Uh, got triggered about a man passing away. Uh, who had four kids, was a veteran and he was like, Well, he was mean to me.

No, he just liked football a whole lot, and he was funny and creative, and he basically.

Doing something awesome and the picture was just him and his family. Oh, nice, because that's his most important job is being a dad.

The winner Drum roll Okay. The winner of the two online Person of the Year goes to Elon Musk. Congrats to Elon. Congrats to Elon.

He was so online, he bought a website to be more online and control all the online. There also was a report that, uh, not only do you have a burner account, but he, uh, was able to seize an account that he wanted for a very long time. Because he bought it. So there could be a chance he bought Twitter for $44 billion just to get a single account back.

Hopefully he come on the show. Yeah, yeah, come on the show. You chew online.

Person of the Year You'll see it cause you're online. Uh, okay, next up, okay.

Next up, we have.

And Shannon Sharp said, Well, I'm going to pour honey on you. King. Oh, the King part is the part. The King part is tough, yeah.

He wants, as somebody pointed out, he wants to glaze LeBron James quite literally. What was the?

Yeah, I'm pouring.

Just chill out, Shannon. Yeah, maybe he was on something. Yeah, he may have had a point.

Uh, next nominee is Shannon? Well, no, I mean, he definitely needs to chill out. If he's trying to fight John Moran, yeah, he's going to get shot.

Yeah, by the way, we should have done, but you don't want to fuck.

Yeah, we forgot to do job. Yeah, yeah, that was two years ago.

That was two years ago. Come on, Billy, so you can't win. Yeah, so make that graphic too.

John Moran.

Yeah, chill out. Um, also, I'm going to toss an extra nominee, Shannon Sharp, for. When he cried on the air, saying goodbye to Skip Bayless and thanking him, who's going to win? He said that he wasn't going to cry, and then he proceeded to cry everywhere.

And then the final nominee is Shannon Sharp for, Uh, grabbing my elbow and approaching me from behind and getting all horned up because he saw my ass. Okay, this is going to be the winner of the Just Chill Out Man of the Year is brought to you. I'm saying I'm saying it, I'm saying it.

Relax, calm down, calm down. The winner is brought to you via celebrity guest. Oh, this is one you've got.

Or did Hank get it?

I think every year nice shoe, nice.

Yeah, everyone's nice again. Basically, as a guest this episode of Pardon My Take, I'm going to put on my game face and announce that. The Takey or Just Chill Out Man Award goes to Shannon Sharp for his weirdly erratic Instagram posts defending LeBron's honor. Just chill out. Either way, we'll see you next episode of Pardon My Take.

Yeah, thanks you nice, I bet you Nice could eat Shannon Sharp. If he was covered in honey, well, I was going to say, was there an extra option to pay for him to just eat a whole thing of honey?

Cause he probably would have done it. Uh-huh. That was like, of all the things, she likes to see him, he's eaten. I watched him once eat 50 tampons.

Most edible, he had a full cactus. Guy can eat anything he eats, cans. I mean, Max, we're talking about this the other day.

Cause I.

I don't know how he didn't catch. He needs to, he needs to become like a professional. He's like Steve will do his dad. He needs to compete in in the Plimpton seat on the 4th of July hotdog eating contest. Chugging ever clear.

Isn't really sustainable, yeah, but he does more than that.

Legend of the internet, it's it's really.

I'll just say, Shoe, nice being alive, that's.

Okay, good job, congratulations, Shannon Sharp, rubbing honey on Lebron.

He has quite a little bit. Do you think it's LeBron obsession? I think it started as a backlash.

Next up, Lateral of the Year Lateral of the Year new category, so the nominees are Cliff Kingsbury. From going from head coach of the Arizona Cardinals to a assistant coach at U.S.C, so that's nice lateral move, pretty much the exact.

You gamble and you drink unless you're.

Yeah, Max, we'll put in that clip.

It's a it's a tie game, we've got a tie Patriots game, that's true all.

This is dangerous. Oh my god, oh my God.

Oh my god, oh my God, oh my God, that was the crazy.

And then we can, and then the last nominee is Kevin Durant from going from the Brooklyn Nets, who, uh, with Kevin Durant. Probably would have been a second round exit, maybe a first round exit, you know? They did go first round exit to the Phoenix Suns, who were a second round exit. So good, good lateral move, okay, uh, do we have a cameo hank?

Sure, do yes. Okay, let's go hank. So this award is brought to you by.

Oh, nice, that's, that's smart.

Come on, Oh okay, all right, I'm seeing, I'm seeing that. He has handed the award over to Chandler Jones. It do be like that sometimes, though.

Oh, yeah, you would say it do be like that.

Oh, he's just 27, died inside hank, that is so.

Yeah, we can just be in attendance.

Uh, okay, so lateral of the year, hank, any thoughts on that? Good? I mean, that was the.

Okay, uh, pft. what do you got next? okay?

And then it proceeded to absolutely destroy his personal life on the golf course. So, um, we're not calling Max that anymore, we're not using the p word. Nope, um. But the nominees this year for Pervert of the Year are Zach Wilson for banging his friend's mom.

I'm sorry. His mom's friends, Mom's mom's friends, Mom's friends. Zach Wilson nominated. And then I guess his life kind of fell apart. Um, next up Dan Orlovsky, Dan Orlovsky, Pervert of the Year nominee. UH, for posting screenshots of him on Twitter, and he's very clearly using Incognito mode.

For who knows what reason, I guess he just doesn't want people to find his personal.

Max that includes you, uh, does not include Max. Home. Okay, I was going to say, cause Max home is Italian, he's 10 10 Italian, so he's like the letter P.

Okay, not pervert, just the letter. My children have all been nominated. Uh, next up we have Libby Dunn.

Libby Dunn is nominated for Raising up Baby Gronk. Oh, gave baby gronk, gave her a hug, though kind of curved her a little bit. Yeah, um, so a lot of great nominees and our winner of Pervert of the year.

Hello, this is Kelly Mortensen of Milk.

Zach Wilson of the New York Jets Congratulations Zach. We're so proud of you anyway. Nice work.

And, uh, if you keep your balls out of the dirt, maybe you could pull a couple comfort behind wins. And we all know that you're more than a man than what most girls can handle. So we hope you enjoy this award and we're super thrilled. But you're the one, all right. Thank you, Kelly.

Kelly is beautiful, huge fan of her work. Yeah, really. huge fan of her shout out MILf manner, Yes.

MILF Manner Big shout out. Uh, okay, next up we have fall of the year, fall of the year, take he fall of the year.

I don't know if we had this last year, uh, but the nominees are Jason Derulo falling at the Met Gala. That was so funny. Yes, incredible, incredible.

We have Joe Biden not once, but twice. Uh, he fell off his bicycle and then he fell, uh, giving commencement to Air Force. Yep, uh, people say there was a sandbag.

He fell.

Big dimple head move right there.

It's President Joe Biden. Congrats, congrats, President. Guy just can't stop falling, and it is funny every time he's addicted to it.

And it's it's also a great litmus test for his first real win. Nice Billy. Uh, it's also a great litmus test of who just takes things way, too.

Walking is one of the first.

If you're young, you can play it off, take that next step and then just pretend like you were.

He did do that, he was like, who the fuck put put that thing there? It was excellent alertness on his part. Yeah, who put that platform there that I've been standing on for 20 minutes?

Who put the earth beneath my feet? This is bullshit, all right, so congratulations to.

Um, but then getting brought back into the fold and then selling for billions of dollars. Yeah, and all time creeper comeback story. Yeah, it's touching really to see some.

What did he do? It was redacted. Hank, Did you ever dig into that?

No, nothing, nothing to find, nothing. there was nothing there. Ring camera. That makes no sense. Why would they fire?

That'd be bad organization that would do.

Um, sure, I don't know. Okay, that was great, great.

What, what? Billy? Never? No, say it, it's the tape, you just said.

Okay, where? where is this coming from? I thought we all knew this, I did not know any of this. No, it's not true.

Is this another Reddit thing? I'm starting to think Billy should have won two online guys, okay?

And, uh, the final nominee was a better fit. yeah. Final nominee Who? The wife? Final nominee for Creeper of the Year is Darren Revelle, friend of the podcast chief.

Darren Revelle correspondent Darren Revelle himself nominated for Uh, the J.J. Watt interception when J.J. Watt was playing his last game. And Uh, went to go talk to special needs children, and Darren Revelle, Uh, stepped in front of the kids to congratulate and give a big hug to.

Hanks is a bitch the island.

But they're from Florida. Yeah, I know it was all starting to add up. Billy, We should just give Elon Musk.

I know, but we don't believe. You guys grew up before the internet, so like you like, know what reality is, yeah.

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He just hit a home run, okay, well.

Uh, wild of the year. First up, we have Nicola Jokic wearing a Denver Nuggets sweatshirt as a five-year-old Serbian boy. And then 20 years later, 23 years later, winning an N.B.A. title, the first in franchise history with the Denver Nuggets. That's wild.

That is wild, Uh, jake.

Next up, we have, uh, Travis Kelsey and Jason Kelsey playing against each other in the Superbowl. And their mom was there. Oh, that's wild, that's, it's pretty wild, right?

JAKE They're brothers, brothers, it's.

And then this is wild, okay, oh yeah, so this is why, this is why, okay.

This.

That's wild, pretty fricking, wild, if you ask me. So it was Danny and Brian White going up against each other. I mean, think about this, there's like.

Yeah, billions to happen wild, wild, okay.

But I'm doing the math now. You said 360. I think there's three 63 now 363 teams, the brothers face off. How many N.FL teams are there? 32 in bro.

So that okay, I don't.

Uh, and then, finally, we have the Pittsburgh Steelers drafting Joey Porter Jr. named after his father, Joey Porter, who played for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Wow, that Jake crazy. I saw a picture, too.

Joey Porter Jr. at the Super Bowl that the Steelers won. How did he get tickets? Oh, cause his dad was on the team. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's wild, that is wild, okay, winner.

Jake, do you want to say it? Presented by Jake Marsh.

She's got wild ovaries. She had two child, two children, who then ended up in the Super Bowl, truly wild. Uh, dad really didn't get any shine. No, that's a mom's time to get shy.

Yeah, but the dad could have gotten in the mix a little bit. He probably didn't want to shine. That's fine, that's fine.

But I just would have liked to. I don't even know who the dad is, he's probably just a soccer fan.

Who's next? Who's next in the world of sports? First nominee Baby Gronk Baby Gronk nominated Uh for Getting Rizzed up by Libby Dunn. Who could forget? Did he get rizzed up? or did he rizz?

I think he got rizzed up because Libby went in for the hug. He gave her a side hug. Okay, yeah, what were you gonna say, Billy?

I mean, big L to drip king. Yeah, big L to drip king, baby baby Gronk might be the new drip king, trust me.

What's Rizzing up? I mean, I know, so I don't have to tell you, Yeah, you don't know, Rizzing up. Jake? No, I don't.

Yeah, uh, it's when you, uh, when you put the.

No.

You get it, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

Sounds like you've never rizzed? Yeah, sounds like it. I've done a lot of rizzing. you're rizzless.

Next nominee is Baby Diggs. Baby Diggs also might be next up, pulling into one handed catches. Everything, everything.

Baby Diggs is, I mean, he is electric, you guys know what? Rizz is short for charisma? Yeah, yeah.

Uh, yeah, baby baby diggs. I love baby diggs. I love baby diggs. Do you love looking at baby diggs?

I love looking at.

It's wonderful he is.

See Woo, that's right. I mean, I, I almost feel bad putting him in this category because he's almost, he's almost there he is, he's getting there.

Yeah, next up is Connor Bedard, let's get Bedard in here, yes. Future star for the Chicago Blackhawks.

We have.

I wanted to say, you have gone next, you are so cool and strong. I'm good at golf bro. You are a beast bro. Congrats Charlie, Charlie.

So, I mean.

I mean, Charlie, not by us, not by us. No, Charlie, I mean, he's.

What's up Charlie, yo char? You'll see money hit us up. You want to come on the show, you want to, you want to maybe play some video games, whatever you want to do.

Want to watch Baby Digs highlights? Okay, this is one of our most prestigious awards, we've done this every year. It is the John Madden Still Alive Person of the Year in memory of Tommy Lasorda, sponsored by Queen Elizabeth.

Uh, takey, should we do a moment of silence? moment of silence for Queen Elizabeth? So for everyone who knows, uh, we have done this, uh, I think we have successfully hold on Max.

Hold on, don't pull it up. We have, we have successfully. I think we had Tommy LaSorda one year, we had John Madden and then we had Queen Elizabeth last year. I think we're like three for four or three for three in the last three years. Of the Person Dying, who we have nominated for Still Alive Person of the Year.

Um, so, the nominees this year are Lou Karnazeka, the St. John's, uh, famous St. John's head coach, 98 years old. Was that the press conference, or was that, oh, press conference?

Looking dapper, spry, he knows the intro, he looked great.

13 seconds 13. Okay, I'll get back, okay.

Okay, uh, next up, we have sister.

Yeah, uh, we have tomorrow Hamlin, who's still alive, so congrats to all our press for tomorrow. Great.

What did he die? Yeah, when he died. Are you sure? this is a fucked up joke?

We actually were just putting this in to see if Hank was paying attention. Uh, okay, you are paying attention. Congratulations Hank.

Still alive 100 and.

It doesn't have to get on roofs and nail down tiles. Probably loving. This is his retirement. Yeah, by the way. Luke Karn second, 98 years, 3 billion, 90 million 528,000.

Oh my god, hello boys, it's your old friend, Queen Elizabeth. I recorded this message for second. I was nominated for Still Alive Person of the Year last year. Because, let's be honest, your track record with killing people is quite impressive.

If this message is playing the 2023, then means I passed away. My dying wish is to make my son, Prince Harry and his beautiful wife May and Michael, the new King and Queen of England. Please, if I ask you anything, make sure this is done for me. As for this year, the take you for Still Alive person of the year is President Jimmy Carter. I look forward to seeing Jimmy at the Pearly Gates shortly.

Love your boys also. My number for this episode is 69..

Still alive Person of the Year? And she also did ask us We need to make sure the Prince Harry and Meghan Markle become king and Queen. I'm right on it. Yeah, those were her dying wishes.

So, uh, congratulations Jimmy Carter. Still, a lot, very much, uh, most fucked up taking we do.

Yeah, Billy, whatever, whatever. Uh. Next nominee is Hunter Biden. Yes, that dude does a lot of crack.

Yeah, he does, he does so. I don't know how much, like a normal crack user uses crack, but he out cracks them all. And bribery and bribery, and, uh, and probably only one guy gets charged for bullshit, yeah.

Uh, also nominee, we have Stetson Bennett. He got, he got arrested, uh, also the sod father for stealing the Super Bowl from Max's beloved.

You were complaining about the sod, okay, and the.

So Chiefs a holick hasn't been caught, hasn't been caught yet. And so the award for Criminal of the Year is brought to you by a special guest, a special guest. Who could it be?

Wow, that's an awesome t-shirt. I didn't know. Hi there, Billy, here to announce the 2023 taking for Criminal of the Year.

After a lot of competition amongst all the nominees, I'd like to announce that Chiefs A. Holick has one Criminal of the year. Currently, as I'm taping this video, he has not been caught. And he made off with bank winnings they stashed away, as well as Chiefs Futures and Patrick Homes MVP futures. She's a hulk is really the last outlaw of the West, roaming from Kansas City to Oklahoma, even to Arizona for the super goal on leave.

He did not report to court and he's probably down in Mexico, like many outlaws before him, you know. Embodying the spirit of those like Josie Wales, Wild Bill Hickok, you know, and the wolf that he donned. The man ran across the plains in a way we haven't seen since the Days of the West. Congratulations, Chiefs A. Holick.

Hope for Mexico's is treating you well and keep donning the mask because one day we'll need you back.

Good job, that was a great job. The audio is much better on my phone. What are you? what are you charging for? giving me? uh, like, 10 grand?

Okay, nice, I thought, just occurred to me, what if Billy was chiefs, a holick this entire time? The perfect crime, and then he went to go investigate himself.

Oh, I can't find them anywhere. Isn't that wild? Yeah, I've never seen you two in the same room together, or have I? huh? hmm?

Hmm, just ask some questions, okay?

We're going to start with Purdue, the Purdue Boilermakers, the number one seed. Big choke, choking as much as you could choke, uh, floor fit far fairly. DICKINSON Taking them down. Purdue just keeps getting worse and worse. in March, I think they just getting more and more Purdue. Yeah, they are.

They're reaching their final. Uh, purdue, uh, to make sure that we, uh, are very honest here. Brooks Koepke in the Masters did choke big time, choke, choke. He had assistance from Hank Yup.

He had assistance from Hank, Uh, speaking to Hank. We have, uh, the Boston Bruins choking number one seed out. uh, we also have the Milwaukee Bucks choking another one seat out. So on their part, than a choke, yeah.

And then we have, uh, Grant Williams, who, uh, had his famous. I'm going to make both free throws and then missed them both against Cleveland Cavaliers. And finally, the last nominee for Choke of the Year is Mark Zuckerberg. In his jujitsu class. Uh, getting choked out, but maybe not, uh, the winner of Choke of the year. Mark Zuckerberg Congratulations to Mark Zuckerberg. Good job, Mark. He got choked out in a jujitsu class and then went on. Full court press, uh, with his PR team issuing a statement saying at no point during the competition was Mark knocked unconscious.

That never happened. And he also had his coach come to his back saying that Zuckerberg snores really, just effortful grunting. So he wasn't choked out, but he was, he got choked, he was.

I'm only raising awareness so that.

We don't know if he got choked out, but he did get choked. It was the most talked about choke of the year, so congratulations to Mark Zuckerberg for getting, uh, choked out, or.

Wife Guy of the Year nominees include RG3 Just Huge, Huge Wife Guy. Most of his posts are about his wife. He had the glamorous pregnancy shoot, maternity shoot that he put out, also left the game. Those are those are always really weird where somebody puts out like a combination of a maternity shoot, but also a boudoir shoot.

Yeah, look how, look how hot and fuckable my wife looks when she's been fucked. Yes, she's pregnant, Ken Bone.

Yeah, crazy for those, he loves that shit. Remember Ken Bone? Yeah.

Yeah, we should be, we should do a Takey presenter, yeah, we should do a remember that guy of the year.

Yeah, it's like, guys, that you fall by the wayside, yeah. Ken Bone, Uh. Next nominee is J.J. Watt for retiring from football to spend more time with his wife.

Yes, pretty gay, if you ask me. Yes. Spending, uh, buying a soccer team with his wife, yeah.

Oh, Sus next nominee is Dan Orlovsky for only thinking about his wife all the time and never jacking off, never ever. And the winner of Wife Guy of the Year is Drum.

JJ Watt Oh, wife Guy of the year. Our good friend JJ Watt, congratulations.

You do.

You kiss your wife with those lips, disgusting. Imagine being in an equal partnership with a woman and having feelings for her. When does the Burnley season start? I think it's September or no August.

Yeah, it's around football season, so I don't really pay attention. I'll jump on Burnley, I'm.

Okay, please, please, please, I would kill for some AC right now. Make sure to take your beer with you. My my glasses are getting fogged up.

I'm just going to the bathroom with my beer. No big deal. Did you guys finish? yet? I'm finished. What do you got, Billy?

Nothing do you work for. Can we leave the door open? Is it bad for sound?

Feels great for me, I'm dude, I keep put on your, put on your mic, I, I'm, uh, I I.

Yeah, we're just fighting, we're just, uh, basically.

So, yeah, we could do that, we're going to do it. Uh, East Chicago or Indiana. I always forget, yeah.

You got screwed up by that east.

I'm not moving to east Chicago, but it's.

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We have Eric B. Enemy, who is now offensive coordinator for the Washington Commanders. He is, he's the system, the system quarterback. I got the system now, yeah, so he is a coach in waiting.

He's been in waiting for a while. We have John Shire, who is still not coaching Duke. We know Coach K is pulling the strings behind him, he's lurking, yes.

He's hovering. Yes, we have a Jay Williams who is hoping to get the coaching job at Georgetown. He would entertain it, if he was asked, he would entertain it. And then we have Jay Wright, our good friend Jay Wright, who is coaching, waiting for the Sixers and Knicks simultaneously.

Drum roll.

Okay, the winner of Coach in Waiting of the Year goes to Jay Williams Jay Williams, Jay Williams for tweeting January 11th, 2023. No one had asked him, no one had talked about it.

He said So people keep asking me, so I will answer. Georgetown basketball has always been a dream job. It has, it has.

And um, so I said it. January 11th, 2023.

When do you think Patrick Ewing was fired? Uh, Jan, you know, March 2nd, March 9th, 2023. So Patrick Ewing was still the coach at Georgetown when Jay Williams said, So, people keep asking me.

So I will answer Georgetown basketball has always been a dream job. The weird.

Would have been massive. Uh, okay, so congrats to Jay Williams. Keep trying, one of the weirdest tweets.

I hope he gets hired. One of the weirdest, he doesn't coach. No one had talked about him. The guy still had a job and he was like, Hey, people, keep asking me.

I think it was his hacker, it was the same.

Yes, uh, next category is the worst person to fly with award, Worst person to fly with. you got a lot of strong nominees. First up is Odell Beckham for not getting up out of his seat, making the entire plane D plane.

Yup, while he was flying, not not private, but he was flying on a commercial flight east coast to West coast. And, uh, yeah, everybody. I don't know why everyone had to get off the plane for him, but he certainly made them do it. I don't get, I don't understand that. Odell Beckham nominated next nominee is Anthony Bass's wife for spilling popcorn all over the plane and then making a flight attendant clean it up.

And then tweeting about how inconvenient. Or by texting Anthony Bass, who then tweeted out how inconvenienced his wife was because she was four months pregnant. She was four months pregnant, she had a five year old and her five year old just spilled popcorn, everyone couldn't clean it up, couldn't clean up.

Next nominee is that guy that opened the emergency exit on the South Korean flight to the United States. Yup, opened it up before it landed, and then just everybody had to sit on the plane in a vacuum tunnel. Essentially, uh, that old move.

Okay, I just want to say I thought about it. Yeah, oh yeah. When you see it, it's like seeing a cop's gun.

You're like, what if, what if I put the handles right there for fire alarm? If it was really that important, they wouldn't make it so easy for me to pull it. Yeah, um, I'll just say it, though, if I was on that plane, that kind of would have rocked.

They got really hurt, didn't they? I don't think anybody got hurt. Just the guy right next to the window gets tucked up. Yeah, so did he get hurt?

I think, well. He had his seatbelt on, so he was fine, he was buckled in, so he was okay, but I would not have had my seatbelt on. That would have been, that would have been so cool, you would have been fine.

Yeah, I would have been fine it.

Uh, and then the next nominee for worst person to fly with is Jeffrey Epstein. Yeah, Jeffrey Epstein. Don't want to, don't want to be caught flying with that guy I feel like.

He was also nominated for Worst Person to Fly with U.H. and the winner of Worst Person to Fly with award goes to Drum roll.

Yeah, I thought I was going to get nominated, uh, the other day I fell asleep on the plane and I was, I think I was leaning over. And I think a couple of times I woke up. Cause I was like, kind of leaning on the guy next to me and when we landed, I was like, Hey man, sorry if I was leaning, he just didn't acknowledge me. Yeah, you got a boner.

Yeah, you were probably yawning in his face like a psycho, I know, but yeah, it was tough. I tried to, I tried to make good when we landed, and he just truly didn't know it was like, Yeah, okay.

Hank, You remember when you threw up go-gurt all over yourself on a plane? Yeah, yeah, that was bad. that was really bad.

How old were you when you did that? Uh, like, last year, no fucking way, yeah. When I was a kid, I had some, some incidents on planes.

Yeah, me and my dad were driving to vacations for a couple of years. Oh my God, we were, we were taking off. And then Hank starts. I can't tell ever with him if it's a yawn, or if he's actually choking on something, or dying or coughing. And it looked like he was yawn coughing. And then Go-gurt spews out of his mouth, like like a reverse Tiana Trump just. And then he, like, sticks his hand out to try to catch it and it just flies all over the place. And I'm looking at, like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

Jesus Christ, he's a nervous flyer. There's people I was thinking about this after cause, cause I do feel bad I do.

I understand that I'm probably a bad person to fly with and I just, I kind of blackout when I fall asleep. But there's definitely, there's most people do hank. There's like a support group out there that probably exists that they don't know about that. There's probably at least a handful of people that have gotten off a flight with me and been like, I was on the fucking. I was sitting next to the worst person in the world. I fall asleep and I'm a twitcher.

Sleep, talk, drool.

Congratulations to it. Just leaks.

Okay, next up we have game of the Year, game of the year. We had a lot of great games this year, a lot of great nominees. So, uh, I'll rip through them.

We had two Vikings games, Vikings, uh, Bills, which was an incredible, incredible game. Uh, remember that fourth down catch or a pass to Justin Jefferson, and then obviously the fumble at the goal line and I?

UH, Mariners Astros 18 inning game. What a game that was. That was an awesome game. Uh, we had, uh, Nuggets Lakers game, one of the Western Conference finals. we had Commanders 12, Bears seven.

Who could forget? who could forget Tattoo bed? Thursday night game, Yeah, uh, we had Broncos 12, Colts nine, the uh, famous, uh, overtime game. That was one of the worst games of the year, but became one of the best games, one of the most memorable.

And then, finally, we had Georgia 42, Ohio State 41, a truly incredible game that we got to witness on a New Year's Eve. Drum roll, drum roll, drum roll game of the year. It goes to Nuggets Lakers Western Conference final, game one. And we have a quote, we have a quote from someone, a reporter on the scene, uh, who said people will dismiss it because it's not an N.B.A. finals game. So the stakes weren't as high. But what you just watched was one of the greatest games ever played.

I'll never forget it because.

And I can't, I can't stop thinking about Western Conference. Final game one, Lakers nuggets that in a nugget suite of any sport, any sport all time ever played miracle on ice. Joe Carter walk off, Don't remember it.

Yeah, you know, the rumble in the jungle, No, no, no. Lakers Nuggets Game One Western Conference finals was one of the greatest games ever played.

What a great game. Who could forget, Uh? Next category is we have trade of the Year, trade of the year, the trade of the year. A lot of big trades in sports, a lot of big trades everywhere. A lot of people got fleeced.

This year, it was the Year of the Fleece. The first nominee is Russell Westbrook for getting traded from the Lakers. He got traded to Utah, and the Lakers then got D'Angelo Russell. It was a three team, eight player deal.

And the Lakers just turning the season around because they just got rid of Russell Westbrook, so shout out to the Lakers and Rob Lowe for executing that trade. Yes, uh, trading wildfires to Canada for continued Stanley Cup success on our part, so I think that's a fair trade.

They're never going to win a Stanley Cup unless we get Alberta as our 51st state, which they're talking about. We want it, uh. Next nominee for Trade of the year was Aaron Rogers. Aaron Rogers finally got off his ass, got traded to the Jets and brought along basically every teammate that he had that he liked. Which actually, now that I think of it, it's probably only like two or three that got traded to the Jets or signed by the Jets with him. And the final nominee is Brittany Griner, getting traded for the Merchant of Death.

Oh, that sounds like a bad-ass dude. Famous prisoner swap. Yeah, famous prisoner swap. Wait, are you talking about the merchant of death?

Yeah, yeah, uh. So let's get to the presenter. for this award. we have a very special presenter. Hi, I am Marsley Poskey, a voice actor.

USA merchant of death is washed up.

Here we go. Just had the clutch gene. What is Russia ever won? Oh, it was, we got.

Talked about trade of the year. We can say Billy, No, here comes the take. Come on, Billy, let it fly.

It's the takies come on merchant of death got Bachmuth.

Uh, okay, next up.

Yeah, I see where you're going.

Next up, Uh, tomorrow. Hamlet had a quick darkness retreat came back. Incredible story Story of the year.

Yes, uh.

Again, again, yeah, again, again. this is final. The last time, guys. She doesn't need this anymore, she swears. She's done.

She's got nine burners. Yes, uh, okay, the winner. We got a special guest presenter, Hello Darkness.

My old friend, Yes, that's right. Hi, I'm Frank Tank. I'm here to announce the Tiki for Darkness Retreat of the Year and the winner is Aaron Rogers.

Way to go, Aaron, Congratulations. Looking forward to having you back on the Packers this year. Let's go okay.

Congratulations, Aaron Rogers.

Uh, maybe he will and then decide he wants to go to the.

Ooh, a lot of big tailors out there. First nominee is Taylor Taylor. Luan Taylor had a great year in being Taylor this year.

Uh, he got injured, as as he does. He, um, was portrayed by Amazon on a Thursday night game as being, uh, in a wheelchair. They did the boy dirty. I'll say it was a tough look, tough look for the boys out there. For the tier ones next nominee is Taylor Swift.

Taylor Swift is nominated for making like a billion dollars on her tour and then, uh, getting forced into breaking up with her boyfriend by the Swifty union. Yes, um, so Taylor, shout out to Taylor. Uh, I respect you as an artist, Taylor. But you've done a great job in tricking people into thinking you're the most persecuted person on earth, who is also making a billion dollars.

Uh, next nominee is Taylor Heinecke. Taylor Heinecke nominated for Taylor of the Year. Just the Jordans. Everything. just outstanding work in the field of Taylor Heinecken. Uh. The next nominee is the Sean Taylor statue at Fedex Field, which underwent, I think, three or four iterations. He was wearing different style pants and gloves and socks and helmets.

There was actually no statue there, it was the first statue to never have a face, a body, legs, arms, fingers, hands, anything. It was just a uniform. It was like a Merch, a standup merch shop for Taylor. For Sean Taylor, yes.

And the winner of Taylor of the Year goes to drum roll, all right?

The Sean Taylor statue All right. great job to the Washington commanders for screwing up Sean Taylor Day for the second.

Yes, which is saying something, Uh, okay, we got a few more rounding up. We're gonna get to Blake of the year a little bit here.

Uh, we have no hitter of the year, no hitter of the year. uh, a lot of no hitters. This year. We have some great nominees first up.

That's.

No hitter. Yep, that was a great who could forget, one of the best games I've ever seen. Uh, and then, finally, we have the Houston Astros.

No hitting the Philadelphia Phillies in the World Series. Pretty crazy game for the world. See, was that no hitter? It was a no hitter. wow.

Yeah, so yeah, crazy read Detmers just pitching this game that's on the studio right now for the Angels.

That's wild. Throw it in for next year's Wild of the year. Uh, okay, drum roll.

And the winner is Max. Would you like to announce it? Uh, Kanye? No, it was not Kanye, it was the Houston Astros.

No hitter of the Philadelphia Phillies in game for the World Series in the World Series. I mean, that's that happens so rarely, yes, and the biggest stage in all of sports.

Max, would you like to accept this award?

Cause I do not respect it. Wait, wait, Max, it was a combined. what would you say? It was? It was a combined?

What it was, a combined zero hitter, that's not.

People mentioned to you at bars, all right, five, yeah, because of this show.

Five people in this room, five to one, it's a combined.

Yeah, I mean, we won up to one, I mean, whatever are we talking about the Sixers now?

Okay, next category is Tie of the Year. the tie of the year. First up we have Jim Nance's tie. Gave it away for the last time.

And all the people that say that he stopped giving away the tie, that's not true. He just stopped making a big deal out of giving away the tie. Correct, You can't just quit giving away a tie two years before you walk away from it all. Next nominee is Commander's Giants Tie in the NFL this year.

And we also have the Colts and Texans nominated for Tie of the Year. That tie actually went on to be very impactful, huge, huge tie, massive tie.

And then we have USA-England tying in the World Cup, Huge, which we won, yes, and the winner of Tie of the Year goes to.

The United States of America, Yes, let's go USA, USA.

USA, USA, we tied the fuck out of England.