Stop Sabotaging Your Future

I'm George Camel, joined by Dr. John Deloney. That's D-R-dot, if you're wondering.

Two PhDs, best-selling author, talking about relationships and emotional health, host of the Dr. John Deloney Show.

He's joining me this hour to help you guys take the right next step for your life and your money.

We are here for you. The number to call is 888-825-5225.

Don't be shy. We will be happy to give you our best advice, and it's our opinion, and we are experts on that, at the very least.

At the very least.

Ted is kicking us off in Des Moines, or as some of my friends call it, Des Moines.

What is going on, Ted?

I've got an aged car, about 2010, and I need to either purchase a vehicle or lease one through my business,

which is what both my tax professional and my lawyer were like, hey, that would be a great tax advantage.

It's a good idea for you. What should I do?

But I just don't want to do stupid with some zeros on the end of it and just look back and just go, oh, yeah, I should have leased the car.

Or, oh, yeah, I should have just bought it outright.

And people don't lay that up against the monthly mortgage payment and the tax and yada, yada, they pay, the interest payments they make.

This is one of those moments that I would wonder, and I'm making a purely math argument here,

and we'll talk about the psychology in a second, I wonder what the actual tax savings would be versus the depreciation of the leased car.

Yeah.

And what do you take home? What's on your tax return?

I think she's willing to do whatever is most advantageous for us.

But at a glance, she was like, well, let's get the estimate on the car first.

See if it's worth putting some money into to make it, you know, kick the can down the road so we can buy a car later.

Those are two very different conversations.

And that's really the heart of this, is you're going to make a much more, just put it bluntly, a stupid decision if you lease that car versus buying one with cash that you actually have.

Okay.

Usually when people say they want to lease a car for business, they want to drive something super flashy that's going to attract clients or buy a 9,000 pound thing they can depreciate and write off on the taxes and get a G-Wagon.

And it's generally stupid decisions pumped up by Instagram gurus.

You're not that guy.

No, I'm not looking for that.

And we've both been there.

And every time, regardless of our business and tax advantages, we just go, what is the car we can afford in cash?

You've got 40 grand to buy a car, right?

If we needed to do that today.

If I own a small business, which is what you have, you're very successful at what you do.

I mean, you're in the 1% of the 1% of photographers.

Everybody wants to get into it and very few people make it.

And you are out of this world successful.

I would still be haunted by how many outstanding liabilities I have as the only guy with the line in the water.

And I don't care what the tax savings would be.

I would pay it as a sole tax.

That is my car.

And my business can go in the toilet.

The economy can tank.

And my business can go from $400,000 to $35,000 in one year as a photographer.

And nobody can come take that car from me.

Whereas I just signed a three-year lease agreement and those payments are coming out automatic withdrawal no matter how much money I'm bringing in.

And the tax savings simply is not worth the sleep tax it would cost me.

Maybe my question should be, do I need a new tax person lawyer?

And the tax accountant is going to say, here's all the things you could take advantage of.

That's right.

Because you probably sat down as a small business owner and said, all right, help me.

And they're trying to cut your tax bill.

Here's a way to cut your tax bill.

Here's a way.

And I think you look at your tax accountant and say, I don't borrow money ever, period.

And if they bring it up, cool.

And maybe then if they're trying to get you to do something outside of your wheelhouse or outside of your values, then yeah.

But no, I don't blame – I mean, George, I don't blame the tax accountant.

They're doing their job.

And if you want to get a second opinion, reach out to a tax pro that's Ramsey trusted.

Go to ramseysolutions.com slash tax and say, hey, what do you think about this?

And I'm curious if you get a different opinion.

But I don't think this is going to bless your life in the way you think it does.

There's other ways to get deductions, better ways to skin this cat.

That's my final take, John.

This is The Ramsey Show.

And some of the saddest calls I have taken are from situations that are completely preventable.

Yeah, and what's so hard is I feel like one of those, especially the ones that I'm like, oh, it's terrible.

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How am I going to eat next week?

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I'm George Campbell joined by Dr. John Deloney.

If you guys missed it, we have a big announcement this week.

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All right.

Seb is on the line in Atlanta, Georgia.

Seb, what is going on?

So I am trying to find out if right now is the right time for me to finish my bachelor's degree in engineering.

I got my two-year degree and got into the workforce to work as an engineering technician.

I'm married.

I have a one-and-a-half-year-old.

We have a very, very low-cost mortgage in rural Georgia.

And my employer is encouraging me to use the $5,000 tuition reimbursement plan to get back to finishing what's left of my bachelor's degree for that promotion and moving up in the company.

What that would look like is probably taking out some federal aid and having that reimbursed every year at the federal tax limit that my company offers.

I just don't know if right now is a good time because I am paying back some current student loans, but I would like to finish my degree sooner rather than later.

Okay.

Either, A, as your family, I'll figure it out if it's reimbursable within one paycheck cycle if that's how they roll, and I know some companies do.

The other way around it is I think you sit down and ask your boss, say, hey, you know how much I make.

You know I've got a one-year-old.

Can we prepay this if I hand you the bill versus getting all tangled up in the finance mess because here's what's going to happen.

You're going to take out a loan.

They're going to send you $7,500.

You're going to put $5,000 down, and then they're going to say it would be cool if you had this program, and you'll be like, oh, I'll just buy that program.

And then your transmission will fall out of your car, and your boss will reimburse you $5,000, and you'll use $3,500 of that on your transmission.

And I know this because that exact thing happened to me.

So I would not trust myself with federal aid money just floating around because it's really easy for all that to just go away.

But an engineering degree, you have a boss looking at you saying this is going to help you move up in this company.

It's going to help you, and I'm willing to put some skin in the game and contribute to this.

I would pause.

George, tell me if I'm wrong, but I would pause paying back my student loans and knock this bachelor's degree out once and for all and let that be a rocket ship for you professionally.

I ended up working full time.

I got married while I was in college and got into the workforce because experience in engineering matters, and I wanted to have some experience while I was in school.

So now I'm trying to just round it out and get to that accredited engineering position.

How quickly could you save up the difference to get through this first year and then save up the difference for the next year and be done?

This would probably happen within a year, year and a half.

Because the faster you do this, the faster you save up cash, the faster you get through the program, the faster you make more money, the faster you get out of the rest of your debt and you're home free.

But we don't want to look up and have $15,000 more on top of the $23,000.

And there's going to be no lifestyle creep. You're going to keep living the same way even when you get that raise.

So it'd be nice to go back into school and everything goes into forbearance once you become a student again as it stands.

You don't want to drag this out because we want to see all of that debt gone on top of not accumulating any.

And this is a big thing people grapple with. Should I go back to school? How do I do it? How do I cash flow it?

What would you say to people coming from that world?

And of course, I worked in higher ed for 20 years. I've obviously got a bias here.

I've never met somebody who went back and finished and said, I shouldn't have done that. I've never met that person.

I've met people who said, I shouldn't have got this graduate degree. I shouldn't have gone to college, period.

I've never met somebody who's 70% done that's like, I shouldn't have done that.

The second thing I always want people to do is go ask your employer if they'll help out.

And this guy's employer will cover all of it. And that makes it a no brainer for me.

And when people say, well, I can't do this, I can't do this outside of med school and law school, maybe one or two other programs.

I worked a full-time job. I had a part-time job. I was a full-time associate dean.

I was a part-time professor, an adjunct professor and the father, not a great one, of two small kids, a husband and a full-time PhD student.

You can figure it out for a few years. And is it awful? Yes.

Does it pay off on the back end? If you are getting the right degrees? Oh, absolutely it does.

And so it's just like the gazelle intensity.

There's a few years of misery for an entirely new family legacy on the back end.

It's when you start taking out federal loans just because I'm just going to go do this right now because it'll be easier.

And then we'll settle up on the back end. You get laid off. Something else happens.

Your company has to lay people off until they cut this program out. No debt. Just knock it out, knock it out, knock it out.

But yes, I'm always a fan of going back and finishing that degree.

So we don't want to see a dip in income, and we don't want to see any more debt accumulated. That's the key.

Thanks for the call, Seb. This is The Ramsey Show.

So work with a mortgage advisor you trust, not just some random website.

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All right, let's get to the phones. Maureen is in Palm Springs, California. Up next, Maureen, what's happening?

I just need to know how can I be more diligent in, I guess, following them.

And then one of the family members that I have, have a need or I personally will be like,

well, I guess I can go out of town and go and do that. And so then I have to recalculate everything.

And then I push my...

It's like something, it's just something for you to fiddle with. It's almost like a fidget spinner.

But your real identity is, if any family member calls for any reason, I'm the hero and I'll save that.

Or I'm only going to live once and so I'm just going to go do whatever I want to do.

I'm going to take care of right now me and forget about next year, Maureen.

I'm going to cut from my budget line that I have assigned for me.

And mind you, it's like minimal for my personal expenses for the month.

But...

Who's, who's calling you up going, hey, we need to spend this.

Maureen.

I can count on zero fingers how many times I have called my parents for money since I was, I don't know, 20 years old.

So this seems to be the systemic problem where they go,

well, mom is going to be sweet and send us some money because we're struggling.

What do they need at 30 that something they can't provide for themselves?

Why?

In that they live.

Maureen, what do you feel guilty about?

I get to live at home for free. Mom pays for all my expenses.

And so I implemented like, okay, you've got to pay me rent.

And so apartment one, you give me $300 and apartment two, you give me $750 is what I tell them.

And it doesn't come with any concierge services.

So I'm trying to like implement those steps.

And I have $187,000 on my mortgage.

Sorry, George. No concierge service?

As though you'll show them.

Yeah.

What are you talking about?

I'm not going to go run and grab food for them on my way home.

They're 30.

Listen, I love you guys, and I have loved you too hard.

And I have stunted your growth, and that part is on me.

But there's a part that's your responsibility,

and that is going to live your freaking life.

So you have six months to get a plan and get out of this house and find an apartment.

And if you need seven roommates and a third job,

I'm just saying we need a game plan to get out.

Okay.

They're going to the gym, and they're looking at you saying,

Mom, I've got to get stronger.

I've got to.

I can't live my life like this. I've got to get stronger.

And you said, Okay, I'll go with you.

And you walk into the gym, and when they lay down on the bench to lift some weights,

you run over there and take all the weight off the bar.

And they push the bar up with no weight on it,

and they're now 30,

and they're wondering why they can't navigate the world.

They're not strong enough.

And it's because you keep using them to make yourself feel like you're being a good mom.

And that's not their job.

Why do you feel this need to keep...

There's got to be some guilt you're trying to wipe.

I mean, I don't know.

What are you trying to solve or accomplish by giving 30-year-olds this much support and care?

Do they have special needs?

Or they just don't want to work?

What's the deal?

Yeah, I just...

They're working.

One, he just finished school, and he took a pause for a bit.

And then his fiancée is finishing, going back to school.

And I told them a few months back when I gave them their rent notice

that they were going to have to start paying rent,

that, you know, let's revisit this in June,

because if it's working until June, then we'll see where we go from there.

But if it's not working, then...

How far below is that for a market rent?

I mean, that's nothing.

Exactly.

And that's for the youngest one, who will pay me whatever I want.

And this is the thing.

I tell them, I don't need your money.

I just need you to do your thing.

And I can focus on me.

So my worry...

There's a lot of problems here.

Number one is that you haven't put your own mask on first.

You're going to remain broke while sacrificing for your kids

that can't start their adult life.

So that's problem number one.

And the other problem here is that their growth will continue to be stunted

as long as they still have this sweet scenario.

And so your job is not to be cruel, but to be honest on both sides

and say, I haven't done a great job of doing this.

You guys need to step it up.

I'm going to give you three months to find a place to live.

And I will help you leave gracefully.

You don't need to kick them out on the street and evict them,

but this is a problem that's gone far too long.

I literally thought you were calling to be like,

my 8-year-old needs saxophone reeds for band.

This is a 30-year-old grown adult.

Or someone about to be married.

And this is where I say I self-sabotage myself.

I have my plan.

My youngest is married.

And I said, well, instead of you guys carrying that burden

of her finishing nursing school one semester,

why don't you just stay here for a year,

and then after that, then go ahead and get your place.

And they are.

They're looking to buy.

But that's going to take them at least another six months.

I want to be your mom and not your bank.

And I can't do both.

And if they choose, well, we wanted you to be our bank,

then y'all need to have that conversation.

What happened to Dad?

Sure.

He's here.

He's here, but.

And maybe part of it is because of what's happening with Dad.

And you feel like you need to be the savior and hold this family together.

We're married.

I just financially don't do anything with him.

I do nothing financially with him.

I would start there.

Yeah, we can't align.

Yeah.

And you want to ask about why you can't keep a budget?

Because you've got a lot of stuff going on.

We have to have a lot of hard conversations really soon.

I'm so sorry.

This is The Ramsey Show.

Hey, good folks, it's Deloney.

And with back-to-school madness on deck, my family's schedule is already so packed.

And we haven't even made room for things like exercise and date nights and counseling

and all the other things that make our life even worth living.

When it comes to taking care of me, I have to remember to put on my oxygen mask first,

meaning I have to do the things that help me stay well and whole.

And you have to do the same thing, too.

Together, we can show up and be strong in all of this chaos.

So don't skip the things that matter to you, including therapy.

And when it comes to therapy, call my friends at BetterHelp.