He’s Just Quite Ill

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Hi Ohenia, Meet Conan and Sona. Hi guys.

How are you?

Hi Ohenia, am I pronouncing your name correctly?

Oh my god, right off the bat, yeah, you did.

Yes, well, very nice to see you. Ohenia. I'm going to put a little ha there. Do you like that?

That was going to be my trick to teach you, you know, like hummus, or just like the Hebrew way of pronouncing things.

I am fluent in Spanish, as you probably have heard.

Well, there goes my opportunity to teach you Spanish.

I could always get better because I'm far from fluent, but I'm told I have a fine accent, so we'll discover that ourselves. Yes, Ohenia, tell me a little bit about yourself.

Well, I'm in Cordoba, Argentina, yes, the second largest city.

That sounds so beautiful, that's so nice. Listen, let me say that. Cordoba, Argentina, Cordoba.

Yes.

That's where I think.

Cordoba.

Cordoba, Cordoba, Ah, Cordoba, No, I swear to God. I feel like if I had grown up in Cordoba, I would have many lovers, because, you know, just saying Cordoba fills me with passion.

Well, yes, and there's a. There's two cities called Cordoba, two here and one in Spain. I haven't been to that one, but I'm sure mine is better.

Yeah, I've heard terrible things about it and they just say, Cordoba, Spain, that's how it's pronounced there, but you are Cordoba, Argentina.

Oh, it's beautiful, beautiful weather, it doesn't get too cold, I mean, the cold as it gets in the winter. I would say it would be like a crisp fall day in New York, right?

You know, right?

Summers get get really, really hot, like the hottest days we've had. I think it would be like the high 90s, I would say, because I have to do the conversion that I can't do math, really.

That's oK.

It's a beautiful city, it's the second largest city, so it's not as big as Buenos Aires, but it's big enough. And it's a big student city. Because we have a lot of colleges here, so people from all over the country and from other places in Latin America come to school here.

So you're saying that Cordoba gets very hot and it's filled with young people.

Oh, yes.

Well, I'm just saying.

Hot and sweaty I'm sorry, hot and sweaty.

I'm extrapolating.

In your mind, this entire city is like a late night foam party rave.

Yes, yeah, I'm sorry, but I'm just tell me if I'm wrong. Oh yeah.

But you're not a pervert.

Just give O'Hanion a chance to talk, Yes, O'Hanion.

If the mood strikes, Yes, yes, if the mood strikes.

And also probably a culture that isn't ashamed of their bodies, a culture that's very comfortable.

I look at your posture right now, how high your shoulders are.

I became Mr. Burns, I know si, si.

I'll do you one better. Yes, like one more detail to this scenario, you're correctly building. I would say, we drink, mate, which is like a very hot beverage, yes.

Yes, yes, yes, incredible.

Oh, there's no beach, we're smack in the middle.

Okay, so no beach, so no need to wear a bathing suit, I suppose.

But we have tons of rivers, tons of rivers, rivers that are like 20 minutes away, okay?

Well, maybe I'll put on my speedo and go down to the river, yeah.

Yeah, do some tubing.

Yeah, I'll do some sexy.

You won't stand out at all. Yeah, you'll blend in with the Argentinians.

Yeah, O'Hanion, please tell me.

I'll give you one clear example. I dated an American guy and he came to live here for like a year and a half. And he is a ginger and very, very white. You might relate to that, yes.

Do you think I'd have any chance of convincing them that? No, I am from Cordoba, my name is Conando. Is there any way that I would be able to convince them, do you think? Or it just wouldn't work?

I think so, I think so, because, you know, Argentinians are a mix of many, many different cultures, so there's not like one stereotypical Argentinian. But yeah, I think that if I mean, you're a star man.

Thank you, you know, we could say, I think that, oh, sorry.

I think with your growing accent or lack thereof, you're a beautiful Argentinian if you learn Argentinian Spanish, which is a different type of Spanish. Sort of a little bit. And you have a mate and you just like, walk around with a mate, I think you could blend in.

Yeah, no shirt.

But you've probably got to change like your your like comfort with your naked body.

I know I am very uptight, but I think if I could come down to Cordoba, I believe, and.

I'll vouch for you, I'll vouch for you, no questions asked.

He's got, he doesn't have enough platelets.

I'll vouch for you.

People are already doing that for you here in the states, aren't they?

Yeah, exactly, I get that here, but we really have to ramp it up.

Well, it could, it could work, because I live like in the hospital area, there's like five hospitals around, so like it could work with our alibi.

You could get me an IV and I could walk around with it and go. I am from Cordoba, I'm not well.

I'm waiting on a melanin transplant.

You, you, you're merging from like the accent, the correct accent to a vampire accent.

Hey, I have a question for you.

Your English is superb. How did you learn English? Do you learn in school?

Oh, it's a funny story. No, I didn't, so my, I learned when I was a kid without really knowing, by watching television. My brother was going to an exchange student program in the U.S. And then the host family called the day before. And my mom didn't speak any English, and I walked through the door. And I had had, like, I don't know, maybe a few English classes for school, which is basically nothing, honestly. And then I just picked up the phone and started talking.

You know, that's fascinating because you're. I've talked to many people in different countries, and you're not the first who've said that they learned English from watching American television. Yes, Sona came.

Oh, no.

No, when she came to America, she watched primarily silver spoons, I think, and too close for comfort.

Yeah, and how did I get here?

I think on by sea, it's the only way to get here, a ship, a raft or something.

A raft or a ship? Oh, okay, whatever.

We all strained it out. She's legal now and and she learned the language. But I think it's amazing that you picked that all up from you must know episodes of Seinfeld by heart.

I loved it, I loved it. And if I had been fortunate enough to be able to watch Gonan since I was a kid, I would have learned many more things. But on the other, on the other hand, I get to watch a lot of the things from previous years of Conan Good.

A lot of people, a lot of people talk. My wife does that a lot, she says. What are we going to do about Conan? And I'm just sitting in the corner eating applesauce.

You're a prominent part of my life. I don't know if you can see. Yeah, look at that.

Oh, look, I'm right behind you, that's so cool.

Is that a drawing?

Yes.

Oh, I am coming to Cordova.

So I was a copywriter for many years, I worked in advertising, much like Mrs. Liza O'Brien.

That's right, my wife was, when I met her, was an ad copywriter, that's right.

But then I switched careers completely, and I now I do operations for a poker company, for an American poker company.

Wow.

And I do not know how to play poker.

So you can't play poker yourself, but you work at a poker playing company, oh.

I mean, I had to learn the very basics of it, and then this is so the. It's a poker teaching company, so we have courses, very advanced, courses based in math and statistics, and it's really, really advanced and awesome. So I can't follow any of them.

Must be nice.

So.

It doesn't sound like much of a boss to me.

So yeah.

It's all that palsy-wowsy.

We do not, we do not, and I have a huge house, I'm just a loner.

I don't want anybody to know. Wait, you have a big house.

I have a big house, that's why it might sound a little echoey here. I'm sorry, I don't have many furnitures in the office, but yeah, it's a five bedroom house. Wow.

You are a single, you're a single woman, you have a boyfriend, but he doesn't live with you, and you live in a five bedroom house.

I do, I do. He does have his own room, my boyfriend does have his own room.

Wait a minute, you said, you don't live.

I do have a heart, you know?

But he doesn't live with you, he doesn't live with you.

He does not.

But he has a room that he's assigned to go to when he comes and visits.

So he doesn't stay in your room with you when he comes over.

No, because I have two dogs and they're so big and I sleep with my dogs. Wait a minute, I'm a loner. He likes me, he likes me as I am.

No, listen, I'm not trying to be critical, I'm trying to help you.

I like this.

But your boyfriend comes over and this is your young people, he's coming over to see you. But because you have dogs in a big house, you make him sleep in a separate room. That doesn't sound very romantic. And you are living in Cordoba.

I mean, he knows that that's the price to pay to be with me. I mean, I'm a pretty cool otherwise.

But he's also not with you, he's in a different room in the mansion.

He's adjacent to you.

And when he's with me, he brings me Conan portraits because he knows where my priorities lie.

He's more erotic than that. Hey Ohania, Okay, I'm curious, Are you going to fix up your house?

I redid the kitchen and one of the bathrooms because this is like a three story house and the bottom floor is not mine. I have like the two top floors. So the bathroom had problems with the plumbing and stuff. So we had to, like, take it all down and build it again.

Do you have a room that's ready for Conan?

I mean, if Conan wants to come here, yeah, he'll have his room, definitely.

What would we tell me, Ohania? Let's say I did come visit you. What would we do?

So this is a beautiful city because we so it's a city. It's pretty busy, but then we're like 20 minutes away from like mountains and rivers and lakes. So it's pretty nice, either summer and winter.

I've seen mountains and lakes and stuff.

This might be interesting. Right across the street from my house, I can see it. Right now, there's an Armenian restaurant, so Sona, if you come, I'll come.

Can I go? Yeah, No, well, listen, we'll see Sona.

Well, I'd like you to pay for me to go to Cordoba.

I'll take care of it. What I'm more interested in, and you mentioned beautiful lakes and rivers and streams. But I want to hit the clubs, I mean, you're talking about a very young city, and I would like to hit the clubs. And maybe you and your boyfriend would come along, tell me about your boyfriend, what's he like?

He is awesome.

Wait, what do you mean? It's not a dangerous situation. Do women start killing their mate when they hit 40? The Black Widows?

I meant illegal because I might seem very young, but I'm 37.

Well, 37 is young, I believe, so there you go.

It is, it is.

I mean, I'm learning so much about you, I still don't think you you haven't sold me. I like you a lot, You're a nice person.

Martin, Martin.

Martin, I'm going to call him Martin, Martin, Martin.

So I mean, we could hit the clubs and I will, so over the summer is really cool because the clubs open. In the mountainside, so you're dancing up until 6am with Like the mountain as one of the walls of the club, right?

That's so cool.

So that's available. I don't really do it, but I would do it for you. I mean, I'm your ride or die while we're here, but I don't do it. I didn't even do it when I was like 18 man, but like, I will.

I didn't do anything when I was 18.

Take one for the team.

I didn't leave my room till I was 27.

I like that for you.

This late stage in my life.

No, I like that for you.

I'm 41 years old, it's time I. You don't have Wikipedia available in South America. Do you good? So at 41, I want to really spread my wings.

You have a big birthday coming up.

Oh, thanks a lot for telling everyone. Yes. 42..

And by wings, you mean just hanging flesh from age.

I love that my tell when I'm lying is that I drink completely out of the side of my mouth.

Oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh.

Oh, Hania, it's been very nice talking to you, you seem like a lovely person.

Thank you.

And uh, you know, if there's any way I can ever help you, maybe I will. I do suggest that you. It's pretty drab, that color behind you, you know, it's, it's just white. Maybe that should change.

You want to come and paint? I mean, I was going to one of the activities that I was going to do, I was going to-.

No one of the activities. What do you want me to go? Why don't I move the furniture? I'll move a piano for you too. Now that we're at it, you just want to put me to work, don't you?

Well, I mean, I was going to teach you how to sew, but that was like, you wanted to go clubbing, so I guess we'll go clubbing.

Maybe this is like a karate kid thing where you have to study under her and you have to do certain chores and tasks. And then you don't realize you're ready for the club because you've been painting, but actually what you're doing is dancing, yes.

That's right, yeah, that's right. Oh, that's right. So I'm going to be painting and I'm going to be moving furniture.

See, that's going to crush it in the clubs.

Look at that, I'm going to be doing this. And then later on you'll say Conan, I'll be bitter, and I'll say, Eugenia, you said you'd bring me to the clubs, but all I've done is push and paint, and you'll say, Conan, now you are ready.

Who is this Argentinian?

Yes, who is this very sick Argentinian? And I'll say I have a high white blood cell count. And everyone in the club will be holding so they have glow sticks in Cordoba.

Yeah, and the mountain clubs, they do, yes.

Well, they come from the mountains, that's where glow sticks are mined. Yeah.

They only grow at a certain elevation.

Yeah, they come and cut them at the right height. Listen, I feel like a fool. But Eugenia, I'm very proud that you you've been listening to the podcast. Is that it? or do you watch the clips on YouTube?

So I first, I've always seen, you know, little clips here and there, but I saw the documentary and that's how I, just like, became like, a diehard fan of Conan. And then I watched the show while I was in New York for a few months. And then just the clips and the podcast and everything I can get my hands on.

Well, Eugenia, very nice. What's your full name? Eugenia?

Maria, Eugenia.

Maria Eugenia Okay, so Eugenia is your last name.

No, No, Maria Eugenia Sinkovich Falco Wow.

Maria Eugenia Sinkovich Falco.

You must find it. Oh my God right. Never thought I would hear those words come out of your mouth.

Well, me neither, frankly.

Frankly, there was never a reason for it to happen before today.

Yeah, exactly, it's. That's not a sentence that comes out much. Um, well, very nice, very nice talking to you. And yes, we got to get some color.

Yes, come to Argentina.

Well, best friends, I got to make a few calls, but yes, you're very close to best. We'll see what happens, we'll see how it goes in the clubs.

You have to call Tim Olyphant and tell him I took his place.

You just made Tim Olyphant very happy. That guy loves a shout out. Uh, okay, Eugenia, thank you very much and have a lovely day night. Whatever's happening where you are.

Thank you, have a wonderful day bye.

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