Matthew Rhys Returns

Hello, my name is Matthew Rhys, and I feel equal parts confused and terrified about being Conan O'Brien's friend. The confusion would be, Why am I even here? To be perfectly honest?

Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walkin loose, climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

He's dead.

He's for sure dead, he died in here. I can't hear this guy. Hey Gerbil, do a little. It is all untrue.

No, no, it's not that I usually go to most interviews and certainly most jobs going, why am I here? They're just going to go. We meant, Terry Rhys, get out fraud. I live my life.

Why should I be here?

Yeah, the imposter syndrome.

Of course, what are you talking? I've built a career on the imposter syndrome. I'm constantly looking about saying, how is any of this happening? And I think that they're talking about someone behind me.

That has happened, that's a terrible feeling, but I still navigate life looking at people like you going. I bet he bloody doesn't feel it. The revelation recently was Ryan Reynolds says he has it. I was like, God, he has it.

Yeah, well, OK, this is a true story that should put you at ease. I have these two colleagues that usually do the show with me, Sona, who's my assistant, and Matt Gourley.

But they have been found out.

They have been found out, they've been removed, yeah, they're gone, but because they both have young kids. And I'm here in New York. And they found out that you were booked and they were ecstatic. Then they find out that only I get to talk to you because it's in New York. And they talked about it on the show and how bitter they were. Because I hate to break it to you, but you are a delightful, good looking fellow that everyone.

Things I have never sparked, one an insurrection in my own lunchtime. Yes, it genuinely makes me feel like I have something to give.

This reminds me of years and years and years ago, in another lifetime. I was walking through a section of Boston, ran into a gang of kids who were not too happy to see me. One of them punched me really hard in the face, smashed my nose. So my mother's at work and she gets a call.

That makes sense. Oh my god.

No, we all have.

But the fact that she thinks you could offend a mob or incite a mob.

I could do it.

It's almost a certain testament to you, in a way.

I think it is. It shows I'm like, braveheart, I'm just a great leader, thank you for that.

Congratulations, thank you.

No, but that's a true story that people adore you. And when we talked, the last time we talked on the podcast, it was Zoom, because it was during the alleged virus. I'd still like to see proof on that. And you were fantastic and we were cackling away. And then, I will admit, at one point, your lovely and beautiful wife Carrie walked by in the background with, I think, a load of laundry.

My soul when I see her with laundry, my soul leaves my body. I think, Shit, I haven't done it. Oh God, I'm in trouble now.

You're in trouble, yeah.

Oh shit, yeah, that'll make me leap like Noria when I see work in a house that I haven't done.

You know, it is still a disconnect for me. I'm a big fan of yours and of your work, and whether it's the Americans or Perry Mason, or any of the work you've done in film. I'm just used to the accent. Your true accent is fantastic, though the Welsh accent might be my favorite accent. Hurrah, because I find the Irish accent to be absurd.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, one long, aggressive vowel.

No, I went there the first time, of course, to do comedy, I went there to shoot a comedy piece and the idea was that I was looking for my roots. But that all I knew was that they looked like me, meaning round face, red hair. They drank a lot and they were depressive, and I was asking people and their last name was O'Brien. And of course, it was a really fun segment. But I have found myself, I mean, I basically know sort of where we're from.

Which is where?

We're from the south on the Water Dungarvan in Waterford and we know that. I have a great, great, great grandfather who was a bone setter. And someone else was really good at building a stone wall and seriously like, he knew where to put the rock.

I can see the Bone Setter and the Wall Mason kind of discussing notes at times. Surely they found a common thread there.

Yes, which is when you drop the rock.

Yes, now, listen, now I've got a fella. Well, I'm related to him. I'll send you to him now. yeah, he'll set you right, yeah.

They probably worked with each other, they did.

They did.

But I'm curious. It's got to be such a rich and important part of your life, because I think of the amazing actors, storytellers, poets come from Wales. It's just got to be in your blood, there's something in your, there's something in the blood of the Welsh people. What is it besides?

Besides the obvious, yeah, yes. Besides 90 alcohol, there's a number of things I attribute it to.

I'm going to add to this, which is that I spent 28 years with a talk show, talking to a lot of actors. And I learned over time. And this is just almost like I was doing a science experiment. Whether you're English, Irish, Scottish, Welsh, those actors come and they have stories and they're funny. And there is a thing, and it's not true of every American actor, certainly. But there was a, I don't know, I have a theory that it was maybe James Dean or Marlon Brando. The looking down, never smiling, mumbling tradition meant that it's not cool to be a raconteur. Does that make any sense to you? absolutely. So, you know, you'd have great American actors would come on. And they give very little. Be a little monosyllabic, and every now and then they dare to be a little funny.

I was certainly raised on, you know, that couple, I was going to say, you know, I think there was a, there was a, certainly, there was a. I'm going to segue viciously because I have quite a moustache at the moment because my nephew came over to stay with me recently. And I have such vivid memories of my uncles back in the seventies and eighties who have had terrible moustaches. So I kind of wanted to have pictures of of us together, so we'd always have these terrible pictures of me in a moustache. Because I always think you should have a picture, a photo of your uncle with a with a dubious moustache at some point in his life.

Wait a minute, you were on the Americans. couldn't you have just...?

I thought I did think about going into the cigar box and going, No, what do we, what do we have here?

Today, I'm Groucho Marx.

Yes, that coupled with. So it was always the the uncle that was the slight raconteur for us back at home, who always came in with a with a long story. Or the, you know, the tall tale, coupled with those, you know, the Peter O'Toole, the Richard Harris, the Richard Burtons. When when they're on, you know, um, on those on the big talk shows. Who could just spellbind with. With these stories of of, of such enormous standing that you didn't care if they were true or not.

Oh, God, true has no place in a story.

No, absolutely not.

We have a saying, Uh, it's an Irish fact, you know? which is, uh, and my, my, my mother-in-law, who I adore, who's great. She, uh, her family, like mine, uh, is, uh, Irish Catholic. And she'll sometimes, with great certainty, tell you a story, and, uh, my father-in-law will say, Well, it's an Irish fact.

I'm taking that one home. Oh yeah, well, Kerry and I, cause Kerry and I. Kerry does that thing. So she's like, Yeah, but that's not true, and I'm like, but that doesn't matter. Because the story was infinitely better with that fact. This is, but it's not a fact.

It's not a fact I'm going to play this segment for my wife because my wife and my kids are always around. They saw the actual moment go down. Then I rearrange it a bit, I make a few tweaks and I'm killing with it at a party. And they'll be like, No, no, no, no, that's not true.

You have the order wrong, yes.

And no, you didn't have a shotgun. And I think, well, okay.

It was a pellet gun, it broke the skin, yeah.

It shot bubbles, it shot soap bubbles. Um, I. I saw, I think, footage. I don't remember where he was, but I saw Richard Burton telling a story. And, you know, you think about now. There's just so much, so many interviews everywhere, and they're just the world is. Everybody's constantly just interviewing each other. No one's growing food anymore.

Word for word.

Word for word, and I think.

And he said, I sped up, I slowed down, I couldn't lose it, I couldn't lose them.

No, no, no, and I think to myself, now that's a talk show story.

Yes.

I don't have one like that. No, I have.

No.

I tell people Winston Churchill came to a late night show a few years ago. And if no one, ever, for some reason, I couldn't lose him in the monologue.

Yeah, and then, at the end of the story, he said, Um, the he's in his dressing room. There's a knock at the door and and the door opens. And Churchill's there and he goes, My Noble Lord Hamlet, may I use your bathroom? He's like, What a fitting Coda now now, Churchill.

So you grow up, yes, and there's that.

Still in debate.

That's, yeah, yeah, well, you, you, uh, you physically grew. Yes, yeah.

It's still to this day. It feels like so many things. When I remember, the one of the first times it really hit home was when we were driving. We were driving back into the city and we crossed we. We lived very close to the Brooklyn Bridge, and we were crossing the Brooklyn Bridge. And the kids go, Oh, we're home, and I went, Who's home?

Who? what? This is not my home.

I know.

This is part of a movie, yes.

You can only work a 10 hour day. You precocious assholes. Yes, so, and it's, it's still there, I'm there, I'm there.

Yes, you're a taxi driver.

Yes, yes, I'm giving the best performance of my life, but it, it, it's, it's still, it's still hasn't sunk in. I mean, there's where where where the kids play football. Has this incredible view of Manhattan, as to the kind of Brooklyn, the southern tip of Manhattan has the entire view of that.

Yeah, yeah, it is. It's like, uh, if you talk to us, uh, if, if, if one does talk to, I try not to, but talk to a. A small boy in France and Paris who lives in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower, there's a good chance he's never been up in it.

No, no.

And it doesn't give, it doesn't give a shit.

No, I know, and no, and understandably no, no, should he? Los Angeles?

You've clicked back a little closer on the dial.

I have, I have, I can, I can find my own among these, among these dirty streets.

What when you're a you're a kid and you're dreaming about Hollywood, maybe?

It was, yeah.

What, you know, who were the actors that really spoke to you, or the film actors? Were there people that spoke to you? And were they necessarily any of the Welsh greats, or were you? Had you moved on to you, like Laverne and Shirley?

Well, I've always Laverne, Shirley, Cagney and Lacey, all the classics. But I think Burton was revered in Wales because he was the he was the trailblazer, the one who who not only conquered, he not only conquered. Well, no, you know, Hollywood. He took it to a realm that we could have, we can still only imagine.

Because, you know, I don't think there's a lot of young people that listen to this and they don't understand that. Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor were this scandalous couple, they were whatever you think the Kardashians are now, in terms of pure level of fame, or, you know, you know, uh, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, whatever you, you can imagine. It was bigger because they were the acknowledged biggest couple in the world and for about eight years, and were whatever they did was news.

Right, and, and, and to a degree, the sort of first of that paparazzi world that kind of would shut down blocks because of, you know, the trail of paparazzi. And and just just the extravagance of the life that went with it, the yachts and the kind of outbidding.

He got her a giant ring.

Yes, he outbid Onassis on the, on the, on the, on the gemstone or something, you know, all those, all those incredible stories. And hailing from a tiny mining town in in South Wales. So it was he, he was, you know, I I. I read about him as a young boy, and he really was. He was great friends with Dylan Thomas, so he he bestowed so much in kind of Welsh mythicism and law. For me personally, still does that. He was, you know, and then, and then. Hopkins from the same town, Auntie Hopkins from the same town, followed in his footsteps.

I want to go back in time and be born in that town.

I really do.

I know I want a time machine, yeah, and a visa, yes.

Right, Michael Sheen, also born in that town. But then, but you know, they these, they they set, they set the trail for us to kind of go. It's a we're allowed now, it's it's, it's possible.

Are there any things that you can do, say with your family that will bring them closer to your childhood? Can you go out? And and this is a I don't even know if this is something that happens in Wales. I'm just making it up. But can you say let's go cut some pete for the fire?

No, we leave that to the Irish, no one can, no one can cut Pete like the Irish.

Okay, yes, all right, that was a bad one. How about this?

Well, that's what we have going on in Brooklyn at the moment. We're going down another seam in a week, so we're very excited. The kids are very excited. I'm old school, so I like the naked flame on the helmet.

Sure, of course, of course.

Here's a canary for the morning off you go.

You lower them on a rope.

Yeah, I do sing sing Danny.

Yes, yes.

So so, you know, they get a sense of both worlds.

I like that.

A sense of, you know both worlds and understanding. Funnily enough, for last year, you know, Kerry was shooting back in London, so for the first time. And my son was six, so I got to start taking him back to those elements of my childhood. When we were kind of packed off to the farms at early ages, and we went back to my father's farm and that was. I did get quite emotional at times, but that, to me, was this incredible moment where I started to show him all the old, you know, kodak photos of me at six feeding various livestock, which sounds like a complete Welsh cliche, but yeah, I was. I was incredibly happy to be to be able to do that to, kind of, you know, link, link, link my past more so than I've been doing so.

I mean, that's the other thing, too, is, do you think your your kid's going to have an accent at all? It's going to have? Can you? Just can you give him tapes that he could listen to as he's sleeping at night?

I do speak to him in Welsh now because I, you know, I was, I was raised speaking Welsh, and it wasn't any kind of conscious decision. When, when he was born, I just started speaking to him in Welsh. And he's now entering this phase where he's realising that I. He calls it dada language and mama language, and he's kind of getting it's not. He's not embarrassed by it, but some, well, no, he is embarrassed by it. Because sometimes in school he'll say, Hey, can you speak mama's language? and I go, I go. Yes, absolutely. But, you know, know that it's it's our own secret language. Because I'm pretty sure there's a very few in Brooklyn that can pick up on our conversation.

Yeah, did you? It's funny. What I'm passing on to my kids is, cause my my wife is very she's a wasp, so she's she just is, she's a, she's a. I married someone who's got ancestors with portraits.

And do they go back to the mayflower?

Oh, I'm sure they were, they were on the mayflower. These are people who they're, they're. They're a mix of some Welsh, Scottish, English, little bit of Irish. And then, uh, it's funny. When I came along, uh, there, uh, my my wife's grandfather was, uh, was just like, Oh, you brought an Irishman, have you, you know? And I'm like, Well, you know, we've been in this country a couple of hundred years.

A pope-loving licking.

Ah, you papist.

Yeah, you papist licker.

Uh, so uh.

Were you raised Catholic?

Oh, very Catholic, right? yeah, raised very Catholic, and so um....

Have you so? have you done? have you done genealogy? have you done the kind of...?

I did.

And what are your percentages?

I am 100%.

That's amazing, I think about it and congratulate you, you're a thoroughbred.

Well, I, what I say when it's true is I'm inbred.

It's true.

It was part of my stand-up act for a while and people would really laugh hard. And I think they always laugh at the true part. And....

Isn't that? isn't that the goal?

But of course, you know, you're only a hundred percent Irish, if if brothers are marrying sisters for a couple of hundred years.

Exactly.

So this?

Well done.

Pick a city. No, it's true. Uh, I would love. I always tell my kids your guys are a mix and you want to be a mix, right? Exotic.

Yes, of course.

Of Irish with Scottish, yeah with English, yes with uh....

Yeah, all all bases covered. Yes, yeah. Then they can mix in any social circle.

But anyway, uh, no, you should think of doing a remake of the I Love Lucy show, um, where it's you and Kerry? Except, uh, you know, when he would. When Desi would get upset, he would start babbling, and he'd start like, he'd get upset and he'd start ranting, uh, in Spanish. And I think you, you could do the same show, uh, except you just go into Welsh, yeah.

I, I live that life, I don't use that. That's life in our house, where I kind of curse in Welsh and kind of shout, you know, Count recount.

What is a I don't even know a Welsh swear? What it sounds like, what you just sneeze.

Yes, I know people, people I have, people often say, cause sometimes when I'm speaking welsh.

During Covid, you must've been a terrifying person to be around. Well, of course.

They were like, get away, get away from me.

Are you all right, sir?

Yes, was that a lung?

Oh, that's terrific.

Cacti, cacti, cacti.

Cacti I don't want to know what it means, I just want to enjoy it.

It's like, Yeah, okay, I'll let you, I'll let your imagination run.

Let my mind fill it in, yes.

Like, I can, I can watch it, it's like two little movie screens, yes.

Two little beady movie screens, you're looking in my eyes. I was, I have to ask you something, which is I heard. I don't know if it's true that, uh, that you auditioned, and I was delighted when I heard it. Um, number of years ago for James Bond and and and the role went to Daniel Craig, as we all know. But I think it'd be terrific, I really do.

Thank you. I told so many people I would be. I practically told my family I was going to be.

Right, which was, which was always did you, uh, when you walked out of the uh, rehearsal? did you, I mean, out of the audition? Did you see Daniel Craig sitting there with his sides and go, good, good luck?

Good luck, yes, good luck D.C.

I mean, this is the family that's been producing the film since Dr. No.

Yes.

Yeah, since the first one, yes.

So it was, it was terrifying in itself that you walked in. There was a number of faces in that little antechamber that you knew were very successful. And you're like, Oh shit, oh God. And then we all sat there sweating and making terrible small talk, and then you're invited in. Um, and this. They're all behind this enormous desk. And there's so much memorabilia around that you want to start talking about it and fanning out, yeah.

You're trying to be Bond, I know, Channel Bond.

Oh God, it's so. It's just so depressing when you look back at it.

And so what are they, do they? Uh, how did you think the audition went?

Well, I'm not playing bond, nor have I been.

I thought, Well, maybe it was a close call between you and Mr. Craig.

Obviously in my mind, it was, you know, I kept telling everyone between me and Daniel Craig like, it's not. He's been offered the part, stop saying that.

He's made three of them.

I know, but I still think I've got a chance.

Yeah.

They're just using him to get my price down, yes.

He's think of him as a warmup. So they, um, they basically said, Have you read Castino Royale? I said yes, and then they just said a question I hadn't anticipated for love. No money, they went. So what would you do different with Bond?

I love Bond with not just a little limp, but a decided aggressive limp. Yeah, and a lot of, uh, I'll get you someone help me.

Yes.

I did want to say I was like, Look, Roger Moore had a running double in view to a kill. It's not out of the question. Yeah, also, just think of the comedic elements. So they were like, Did you get that from, you know, missions?

I didn't eat enough fresh fruit as a child.

Yes, so, so, yeah, it was very, it was very brief. After that, there was a quick kind of a yes, yes, well, thank you so much for coming in.

That was your bond moment.

Yeah, yeah, and I think of that often, but then I still think of the question, I go well, I, as you can tell, I don't. I still don't have a coherent answer. That would have wowed them.

I would have said, Uh, that's a you know, what? if? what? If he's very claustrophobic? uh, does he? He has little, He has little ticks, you know, so he doesn't take elevators, he only takes stairs.

That's good.

Uh, doesn't like to. Oh, how about a bond that doesn't like to fly? And so there, you know, the way, cause most of those movies are. He's hopping from, he's in London, obviously, yes, but then suddenly he's in St, you know, St. Moritz, but then he's in, uh, you know, he's on the Ivory Coast.

Yeah, that's good.

So it's long boat rides.

Yes, yes, or trains, trains, yes.

Trains and then boats.

Yes, so you're always cutting to him in travel, exhausted.

Yeah, and M is always saying, Well, is Bond there? Well, no, let's see where he is now, he's.

You can see that? Yes, I can see that.

Yes, I could have.

Yeah.

Been down?

I know, yeah.

Think of the film career I'd have had.

Yeah.

With talent and a completely different face.

I won't, I won't. Yes, you will.

Yes, I will, oh, tonight as you try and fall asleep, yes.

It'll be the only thing that'll haunt me, you'll be thinking it'll haunt me.

Terry will say, Why are you twisting and turning in the bed?

Yes, because I have a problem with the Pope.

Is that what you're calling it now?

Yes.

Is that the euphemism for it now?

Yes, it is.

I have a problem with the pope. Yes, you know. I've been shooting a travel, some travel pieces recently, and I find myself kickboxing in Thailand. And I think, how could this have happened? You know, I come from Boston, Massachusetts.

Yeah.

My parents were nothing near show business. I love that part of it, and I know that, you know. For example, for the second season of Perry Mason, which I adore, you got to ride a vintage motorcycle. Is that right?

Yes, yeah, are you a motorcycle guy? Well, this will color the way I answer this question.

Okay, I'll tell you this, yeah, I do have a motorcycle, I don't.

I like the look of this thing.

I love the look of it, yes, but what did you get to ride?

So it was a 19 1933 Harley Davidson, right, and and it took a course very quickly. So they said, they said we were talking about what we're going to do with Mason, and they said, What do you like? Dream scenario?

But in a courtroom scene.

Yes, I was like, Now there's your challenge, yes.

That's what I've noticed about the new season. That threw me a bit is you're often on horseback in the courtroom.

Yes, exactly.

Hi-ho, yes.

There was a lot of objections.

It takes me out of the.

Everyone's said that.

Can't you get me something that looks like this? But it just has an on-off switch, yes, and and it has an automatic transmission.

So that was established very quickly. I did, and so they got the stuntman to ride it for a second. And no one could hear anything. Everyone's going, I can't hear over the noise of this thing.

Right?

Stuntman said, Oh, this, whoa, this is tricky, right?

Yeah.

Wow, this is dangerous.

Yeah.

I wouldn't want to ride this thing, yeah. So the producers very quickly went, turned to the action vehicle team and went. How long would it take to turn this into an electric bike which? There were audible gasps from certain male members of this group.

Yes, yes, you've been emasculated.

Oh so, they took it away and they turned it into an e-bike. So very often, out on set, it was. It was still this beautiful, this shell of a thing 1933. Harley, that had all these, all these batteries, you know, squirreled away about it. And very often we were on location in various places around L.A. And I'd be on the thing, kind of warming it, you know, doing little laps and stuff like that. And gentlemen of us, usually a certain age, would come up and go, whoa, whoa, whoa, what, what is that? And I was like, Well, it's, it's a, it's a 1933 Harley Davidson.

Because I asked them to.

And some. It was met with a very great mix of reverence for the for the engineering that would have gone into turning into an e-bike. And abject disgust to the butchering of some American history.

The, uh, I'm also thinking of, you know, most people want the Harley in any era because of that distinctive Harley sound. And I imagine this thing sounded like, and little bubbles came out.

And it would tell you when you needed, you know, another coffee or something or something like that. So it was, it was, it was good and both bad, and then the other. The flip side of that was when they said, Oh, we're going to, we're going to write, we're going to write this, uh, we're going to write. This scene where you're in Santa Ana racetrack on a thoroughbred, and I was like, you doing what, though? And they went well, you're galloping around the track.

That's attached to the back of a pickup.

Yeah, and that's it.

And it rocks a little bit, yes.

And they and they sort of. And then the horse ranking team kind of sit with you while you, they try and talk you through how you should be looking on this adult hobby horse. It was that was a that was a bad, that was a bad day, I didn't enjoy that day.

But then you asked, Could I have this, please?

Yes, and they said, Yes, of course, take it. We call it biscuit. if they do it was it was built for seabiscuit.

I like to, uh, I like riding, but it feels a little dangerous now. And so, yes, big love, you know what, I love it.

Yes, pretending to gallop.

Pretending to gallop.

Oh, I thought this is what I genuinely wanted. I said I would pay if, if if this was allowed, I would pay good money to go up and down Hollywood Boulevard in this pickup. And I'm just on the back, giving it the full. And they didn't even answer, they just looked at me, Yeah.

That's not going to, uh, you know, we've been talking about, cause I I love, uh, I obviously, I love the Americans, I love, uh, Perry Mason, and I love the take on it. I love that the first season was about, it's the origin story, which I thought was brilliantly done.

Yes.

And, uh, and now that that's been settled, you're off and running, which is fantastic. But I must mention your stunning cameo in Cocaine Bear, Yes.

Yes, hey, I want to start by saying, when I I read, I read the script. And then one of the first lines is Andrew Thornton the second, so I go, if you google, Andrew Thornton the second. Surely? I already said I pitched this to Elizabeth Banks, I said, we have to do the prequel. That leads up to that moment where he's throwing cocaine out of a plane.

Cause he's a fascinating story.

Oh my god.

Yes.

He's unbelievable.

But the film opens and I don't think I'm spoiling much of anything. But I, you know, I was, uh, you know, I would have, I'll, I'll go see you in anything. So, and did I not know, uh, that, you know? Um, Elizabeth Banks, I'm. I'm friendly with her. And I was excited to see Cocaine Bear and I really enjoyed it, and so the whole thing was a success. But if I hadn't known any of those things and I just heard that you were in this movie, I'd have said, Well, it's, it's Matthew Reese. I got to go check it out.

Yes, but it was very strategic because I wish Gary was shooting in Ireland, Ireland was being shot as Appalachia, obviously. Um, and I'd been, I'd been with the kids going to various aquariums for some time and I'd read the script and I'd. And in passing, I said, Who's playing that? who's playing Andrew Andrew Thornton, the second.

And then you held out for $10 million.

I did, I did, you got it, I got it, I got it, but I think it was worth it.

It's the best 80 seconds of my life.

All my reel is now is that 80 seconds.

We're talking about, uh, you know, this antique uh motorcycle reminds me that. I heard that you got yourself this boat recently, and I love the way you got the boat. Which is it? It started, which is a deadly combination, I think. Were you on, were you on the internet? and was drink involved?

And late at night, yes, yes, yes, it was actually Welsh whiskey.

Oh, that's what, that's, that's a voice from beyond saying this, you have to do this.

Right, and that's what I told Carrie in the morning. I said, not that I have to do this, but I had done it.

Reeking of alcohol.

Yes, I've bought a boat and she's like, you don't even row? I was like, Oh, it's beyond rowing.

Oh, we're not talking about rowing my child.

We shall take family trips to this. So, yeah, so I embarked on this four year odyssey of madness, where I restored the where I restored this. But what myself and the captain did, she's she, she kind of spearheaded the restoration because so many things went wrong. We started out with a shipwright who said he would do it, didn't do it.

Bit in the front that you did, you half-wit, you said you patched it, I did, I did, I didn't say with what.

Yeah.

So this is the boat because I'm also a Hemingway fan, and I think this is the boat that did he have this boat in Cuba? He did okay, and I think there's there's famous footage of him.

How long have you been doing this travel show?

It was called Conan Without Borders. It's now we're shifting into something else, we're going to give it a different name.

Conan with borders.

Conan with, Yeah, with borders, good, good, responsible Conan. Oh, good Conan, who stays within the county lines.

Mental borders.

Yeah, yeah, it's just me roaming around a very small portion of Los Angeles, mostly in the same mall.

Brilliant.

But I was there and I went to a bar and I guess it was one of Hemingway's favorite bars in Havana. And there's a big statue. It was a life-size statue of him at the bar, so it's a life-size Hemingway in bronze. That's at the bar, leaning against the bar, having a drink. And I thought, you know, he was an alcoholic.

Yes, I know.

This is strange.

I know that he was.

This is strange.

Yes, the applauding or the deifying.

Yeah, it was a little strange, it was, uh, but whatever, yes, still.

I know.

After a few drinks, I was happy to see the statue.

And have your photo taken.

Yeah, exactly, yes. Several photos.

I know I have this, I do have this strange. I have this strange relationship with Hemingway. Kind of. I think it boils down to my own strange relationship with kind of possibly what I do and.

It's a boat, it's a beautiful boat. Yes, I'm all for it.

I know.

And I accept your invitation.

Glorious.

You're not quite as good an actor as I thought you were. No, no.

Polish isn't my no, isn't there, yes.

I hate you.

Ah, damn it, ask me again, there's always a second take.

That's why I love soap operas, is that, and certain kinds of TV dramas, is that? An actor will clearly register displeasure, but the other actor all the act, you know? So you'll come to me and you'll say, Well, Conan, I'll be spending the weekend with you and I'll go the weekend with me. And then you'll go, problem and I'll go.

I know.

And then you're as happy as a clown.

I know.

Where's anyone else?

Did you? did you blink for that length of time? What happened to your brain in those four seconds?

I love to do that in real life, I know, but I think I'm happy that you got this boat, I think it's great.

Well, then come aboard anytime you want.

Oh, seriously, I will.

The children don't go near it anymore, they've only done like twice.

I think it's you and me out on the ocean together.

It's pretty much it sending out distress calls.

You know, we can't have immediately, I'll be sending out distress calls, we don't when it's slightly rocking.

I say I do.

I know, but you know what, everyone I learned to say it, I used to say, I have nowhere to go.

Yes.

I was dead in Hollywood.

No, there's a Biryani truck outside.

I clocked that on the way in.

I'm no stranger to some street Indian food.

You are a pure delight, you're a crazy talented actor, but also you are hilariously funny, and it is a personal grudge of mine.

Thank you.

Fuck you.

Thank you. Now there's a turn.

It's not right, no.

There's a turn of phrase I've heard many a time and will happily hear again What fuck you?

You know, I always heard the Welsh were just brilliant poets. Yes, and there you heard it, right there.

You heard it right there.

Can I hear it in Welsh?

Cerrigravi, Cerrigravi, Yeah, there you go, perfectly said, Oh, cerrigravi.

I'm going to keep that one.

Yes.

That will come in handy.

I was doing a play when I was off Broadway and I was playing not a very likable character. And I was, I would say, within half a block of the theatre after finishing. And a woman was walking in the opposite direction, I was walking away from her.

And then you married her, and then, and that's when I knew.

Exactly is there any way I can make it up to you? Played into every insecurity I had.

Well played Matthew. Good God, it's just this has made my day. Seriously, thank you very much.

Thank you for the invitation, as always.

Oh my god.

It's a true joy.

Yes, I will come, I will haunt you and your boat, you'll see.

Please do. It needs a ghost.

Okay, true story. The other day, I walk into our wonderful offices here in Larchmont, Los Angeles, and I stroll in and I hear that our talent coordinator, Maddie Ogden, is chatting away. She's terrific, by the way.

Love her.

She is great, she has this amazing sense of style. She's very funny, funny comic in her own right. She's a very funny standup comedian.

Oh, he's not.

Well, he's, yeah, I think he's actually being schooled right now, he learned. He says, like, Oh, this is fantastic.