Remembering Paul Reubens

He's been, uh, fighting, I think, uh, his illness for a number of years. And um, I just adored this guy, uh. And I think one of the UM things that people need to know is that obviously, uh. The character of Peewee was just mind numbingly funny and surreal and hilarious and original. He was so funny as as Peewee. But Paul, when he was Paul Rubens, he was so quick, so razor sharp. Uh, such a delightful person, a very sensitive guy.

And um, you know, I, I sent this out in a tweet. He would always be sending over on anyone's birthday. If he knew them even slightly, he would fill their inbox that day with all these. Like silly cartoons and memes about birthday, old Disney cartoons, old weird memes about birthday and cats falling into birthday cakes. And he would do it all day long. And, uh, it wasn't just me.

It was just anybody that he encountered he would do this for. And, uh, such a lovely way of. We all just want to feel seen or recognized. And for someone like Paul, to do that for so many people is just a gorgeous kind of statement. That's a gorgeous statement of who he was. And, uh, I have a bunch of memories, but one thing, you know. He came to my Christmas party this year and he brought, I think, 15 gifts, all individually wrapped, and they're all silly things, but individually wrapped gifts.

Um, my Christmas party the year before, he brought a peewee chia pet head, so I put it out on display this last year. And Paul came and, uh, it was, did you guys see him? Yeah, I did. He was there. And, uh, and you know, it's hard to believe this is what five months ago, whatever, whatever it was. But he was at the party and um, he brought all these gifts.

So many that Paul died on Monday. And I came upstairs and it really hit me hard. And I walked into the area just right next to my kitchen and I suddenly saw it. But I remembered there were. We opened up all of them, but there were so many we didn't get to two and they're still there. Wrapped and I can't do it, I cannot open them because that feels like, uh, you know, finishing. I don't. I just want to leave them wrapped for right now and I will unwrap them, but I want to leave them unwrapped. But then the other thing that happened last night, which just is, uh, surreal and magical.

As you know, Sona, I'm not a computer person, right? And so, uh? I've been trying to get better at some guitar licks recently and I have this really good guitar teacher who's been helping me out. And his technique is, he sits with me for like two hours, works with me, and then he sends me these files. It's videos of him explaining once again how to do it.

So I don't forget, and I'm not good at this, I'm terrible at this. So I, you know, he sent it to me. I pressed the button to download it and it went somewhere in my computer and I wasn't sure where it went.

So last night, I start looking around in the file part of my computer, which I never do, I never do that. And you can attest that this is not something I do. And I'm looking at like the Google Chrome. And I'm looking at this and I'm like, where would this go? And then I find a big thing of files and I'm going and I never do this.

And I'm going through the whole thing of files and seeing all these JPEG, 33, this many millibytes, whatever, I'm sorry, really. Imbuing those with personality that they don't have. No, I'm sorry, I apologize.

I'm seeing numbers and I'm seeing files, and some of them are miscellaneous. Things we did for the Covid shows, for the late night show, during Covid, some of them are during. I mean, just literally just filled with stuff. And then I see this tiny, tiny little square and it's this little person and I. And I'm thinking, that looks like Paul and I click on it. And it's a message from a year ago that he sent me, that I had watched at the time, and it was from my birthday year before last.

So it's, you know, a year and two months, 14 months ago, whatever it was 15 months ago.

And he just suddenly comes up on the screen and talks to me. And I remember this message, cause I loved it so much and saved it, but it was, but I had forgotten. And he sent he. It's just him talking to me and telling me. In a way. It's felt like he was saying goodbye, cause it was him saying, you know how much he values our friendship. And I'm not going to get into, you know, details about it. But it was such a I was just stunned. And it was, I think, six minutes long and really funny, but also just incredibly sweet. And him talking to me and I just I. When it was done, I went in and I told my wife what I had just watched and she was. She started crying and she said, Oh my god, good for him.

Like he, he went out of his way to tell people what they meant to him. Do you know what I mean? He went out of his way to be sweet and kind. And, um, you know, I know he's, I don't know. And then, and I'm sure he did that for a lot of people.

And it made me realize, what a generous thing to do. If, um, at the, you know, this is just a year ago, so he knows he's not well. And uh, to do that, to, to, uh, extend yourself like that and do that, and it's such a gift. Cause we, we lose people and we have no idea how, you know, and this, this was a this was a nice thing he did. It sounds crazy, but it made me feel so much better.

Do you know what I mean? It's like he just showed up on my computer magically and had this nice conversation with me. Um, I don't know. I just, uh. I've been thinking about him constantly and it felt appropriate. It was on the podcast in 2020..

And again, this is Paul, this is not Peewee, this is Paul. And I don't know how well you guys remember it, but he's so quick and so agile and fast and delightful. I still remember him being pretty humble about things, you know, not wanting to overstep verbally and things like that.

Yeah, yeah, he's, uh, he's, I don't know, not, we shall not see his like again. You think about all the people in comedy and how certain people work certain niches, and then there's this one person, he's a singularity.

You know, he created, he created this. Absolutely, you could. no one could, whatever in a million years. Think of Peewee, Herman, and then, uh, and and he, and it was so funny in so many different ways.

That character, it's universally loved, too. My dad and I have very different senses of humor generally, and we both love that movie. And we watched it so much when I was a kid that I texted him when he passed away.

And we had this little moment of, you know, the end of an era, because we love that movie so much. He does, my dad. It was very, you know, fifties dad will bust out in that peewee laugh and just love, love that man, yeah.

Yeah, well, this is we wanted to, um, in honor of Paul play, uh, his, uh, this is a rebroadcast. uh, we're going to play for you. Right now, it's from, as I said, 2020. And um, and I think, uh, what makes me happy is, I think, Adam, you said he was talking to you and that he had had a really good time. And, uh, yeah, I, I, I'd run into him a couple of times.

We had with meetings and I ran into him and and both times that I saw him, that were fought that followed the podcast. He brought up how much fun he had, how much great feedback he got, uh, after he did the podcast. And just how comfortable he was. And it just made him feel good. Well, that's why, that's, that's why I wanted to put a spotlight on Paul, because obviously it's it's hard to compete with Peewee, but what I loved is that Paul came on. Yeah, and um, and you could see, I mean, uh, my God, you know, there's a. There's a few handful of people who are so lightning fast that it makes me question if I should be in this business.

And Martin Short is, is, is, is, one and. And Paul Rubens was so fast and and thought in this weird lateral left brain way, uh, and was such a delight that, uh, anyway, he was so playful too. Yeah, very playful. And um, so we have, uh, I think we should.

Just there's not much more to say other than, uh, we love you Paul, and uh, thank you for your generosity of spirit, and for your silliness and your loveliness. And uh, here's Paul having fun. Um, and uh, let's let her rip.

Hello, my name is Paul Rubens, aka You know who? the artist formerly known as Prince.

And I want to say right now, at this very moment, that I feel fantastic about being that's so sweet. Do you really? I really do?

Fall is here, Hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes.

Walking blues, climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that we are going to be friends.

I can tell that we are going to be friends. You showed up and the first thing you did was demand hand sanitizer, that's right, and you said that you were petrified of catching a cold. Well, it's flu season.

I want to remind you, that's very good. You suddenly were doing a public service announcement. Well, I mean, I'm kind of walking public service.

I mean, and also can I just say this? You applied it on your hands, I think, for a full 10 minutes. Liberate liberally, liberally.

And can other people jump in? If I'm telling the truth, there was a lot.

And you rub your hands for a long time, as if you were not sanitizing your hands, but planning world domination. I want to just say that I thought the hand sanitizer thing was off limits, but apparently not. Nothing's off limits here. This podcast is on the edge. Wow.

You like that, yeah, being as edgy as I am. yeah, as zedgy.

Zedgy Very nice. You imp. yeah, you impish. imp.

Yeah, who doesn't love you? I mean, seriously, you're? I wake up feeling that in the morning when I get up, I'm like, Who doesn't love me?

And then, you know, all day long, I'm reminded of all the people who don't love me. Oh, okay, we'll just start try and take that good feel in the morning and then stretch that out for the whole day. Speaking of public service announcements.

There you go, yeah, we should all feel better about ourselves. This message brought to you, we really should. When I first started watching Pee-wee's Playhouse, my thought was, How did this get on TV?

At that time, many of the people who were in charge of children's programming were severe alcoholics and had no idea what it was. I mean, you must be, I'm just kidding, Judy, If you're listening, I'm just joking, and Judy, you know who you are.

Yes, she does, and she's absolutely, I think, a teetotaler. So yeah, please. She took it as a joke. We're talking about Dame Judy Dench, are we not?

Exactly, Okay. Used to be head of CBS Children's programming, but anyway, that's a name drop.

Yeah, CBS, Yeah, wow.

I, That's the noise I make to Phil when I don't know what to say next. I love that noise and I'm going to copy that.

Did they really not know what was going on? Because it was such a strange show and still remains a brilliantly strange and innovative show? But in those times, did they not know what this was? You know, I don't have any idea what they knew. Did they give you notes on the show?

Did they say things like? They gave me very few notes, the first note we ever got, we maybe got four notes in five years, and the first note I ever got. Which, by the way, just is the first thing in the very first episode, so it was a note I didn't follow. But they said, you can't stick pencils in potatoes.

What I think because it was dangerous or it was a weapon or whatever, right? And I said, why? and they went, Okay, you can.

So I think they just said it because they wanted a note and they didn't have a reason, so they let me do it. And it's the first thing we did, as I just mentioned.

I have found over the years, many years in television. Thank you, I'm glad you like my work. I'm filling in stuff that you could be saying, but that's ridiculous, please, Paul.

I'm just a person, I'm just not a guy. Well, gosh, I mean, I'd have to be really quick, right?

Yeah, yeah, there's no time. I'm not going to live long, all right, I hope that's wrong.

Sincerely, I hope that that's wrong. I have a diet very high in saturated fats.

I have found in my years of television that they often give notes because they have to give notes now. Sometimes they give really good notes. And I've had many good notes in my career. But I've also had them say things where it's clear they're getting a paycheck, they need to say something, and so they desperately say something.

Like, no corn on the cob can never be mentioned, never mentioned corn on the cob. And you don't know what they're talking about and they say it. I know who gave, I have had that same note.

You had the corn on the cob girl? Yes, she gives that note to every single Shailene. Shailene. the corn on the cob girl always gives that note. that is a universal note.

She's been giving that note for over 75 years and started in radio. So somebody outsmarted her and took the corn off the cob before they saw her. I love it, she had nowhere to go.

This is going to go all over the place because that's my style. I'll be the judge of that, by the way. Thank you, go ahead. I love the fact that maybe once or twice a year my phone will light up.

It'll be either on my birthday or it'll be on Halloween, and you'll send me the nicest little gifts and animations. On my phone and on my birthday, you bombard my phone and I've shown it to you. Sona, It happened on this podcast, it happened on this.

That's right, it happened on the podcast, I think that was Halloween. Yeah, it was Halloween.

And you cannot imagine how many people have told me about it, right? Like, I didn't know, you know, like when people go, like, remember when you sent Conan a jif, yeah?

Gif, jif, don't say jif. Well, Sona, tell him how it's pronounced.

I think it's technically pronounced jif. Did you just take his side? I'm sorry, Sona, whenever I turn to you and I say, Can you please tell Celebrity guest what the real deal is? Always think of what I said and then make sure it lines up with what I said. Let's go to the urban dictionary.

Paul It's pronounced jif. They would know. I think it's actually either one, either one you like. Well, I don't want to get.

It's been a long time since I've been that angry, and I apologize. I flew off the handle, but we were here, we were shooting a podcast, taping a podcast, whatever the kids say. And my phone makes like a little vibrating sound because I'm kind enough to turn off the noise.

And I look, and there's a dancing animated skeleton wishing me a happy Halloween and it's from you. But the really impressive thing is, on my birthday, you do it all day long, you start early in the morning and you go all day. And I am such a child.

I go up to people and I go, look what Paul Reubens sent me, and it's a jif that anyone can send. But I'm so delighted that it came from you. And it's always this great 1930s, 1940s animation and it's, you know, happy birthday stuff.

It's really fun, I like it myself, I'm happy to, and I do it all day long. Like you just said, I'm just going to repeat what you just said, I know.

But what I'm curious about is on that day, on my birthday, April 18th, everybody, when is it April 18th? So you haven't had it yet? This year? No.

In 2020.

Is this 2020? Yeah, you don't know when this is going to air, but I think it's going to air before April. But I'm going to tell you this on April 18th.

And please, if you have to get me a gift, you know, I'm getting you a gift, not a gift.

Multiple gifts, quite a few. As you just mentioned to all your readers, I mean, your listeners, they're readers. This is put out as a magazine.

Really, yeah, this is we're doing this. We tape it, and then we have a very nice person here at the show who types it out in a stenography pool.

And then sends it off and it's distributed as a magazine. It does very poorly. Wow, yeah.

It's a very bad idea, we lose a lot of money on it. The point is this, you clearly spent your whole day thinking, I got to send Conan some more, I got to send Conan some more.

And that meant that I was on your mind all day on my birthday. You know what's really on my mind on your birthday and many other people's birthdays you wouldn't know. So I'm going to tell you, this is so weird because I do it anyway.

But I'm like, kind of paranoid that I'm overdoing it, which I am overdoing it, obviously, it's funny how you overdo it, I think. Is Conan going like, Oh my God, will he stop? And I think you're not in a position to really rain on my parade in this particular kind of thing.

You can't text me, I mean, you could, but you would be. If I said, stop sending me happy dancing birthday cakes. Then I'm a jerk, so I feel like I'm kind of like, I'm.

Oh, there's an edge of cruelty to it. No, there's an edge of, like, schizophrenia about it. Because I'm really literally going, Wow, should I do it again? You know, what time is it? is it dinner time? And then I think, like, Yeah, send.

Right, send, send. You did it right up until almost midnight. Just before midnight, you squeezed one in under the wire. I wasn't sure where you were either. Oh, you know, I do go past midnight. Also, sometimes thinking like, if you're still up, it's still your birthday.

That's my thought on it. I mean, maybe your readers want to, like, chime in on that and say they don't agree with that kind of a thing, or they pronounce it. Jeff, No, it's Jeff, I think it's GIF, I go with Gif.

And you know what, I'm just going to put that out there in the universe. I'm going with GIF and let's all agree on GIF, OK?

No, I make noises here, I can't believe you're making my noise over there. I thought I changed it up a little, you did change it. Yours is less desperate than mine.

Mine's more of a milky.

Yours was drier, mine was like a little flavor of early jerry. That would be Jerry Orbach, Jerry Herman, Yeah.

Jerry Lewis Jerry Lewis Yeah, I don't know why I'm bringing Jerry Lewis. Well, first of all, I'm going to notice that many of your references today date from the 40s and 50s, the 1940s and 50s.

I like to make references from the 2000s, 40s and 50s because I see well into the future. Yes, I do, but we'll get there. Mine are all really old references, as you just said, you know, because I've noticed that you love old show business.

And I know that as a kid. I mean, your first love was the circus. You wanted to join the circus? I did, you did join the circus, or you did want to. I did want to.

Yeah, and I did join. No, I didn't join. What would you have done in the circus? I was just practicing, just like, yes, one line, you know, one word answers just for just one second.

I won't do it again. OK, no, and do you like that? yes.

And you did murder.

But you thought about joining the circus, so you loved old time show business? You know what? We moved when I was a little kid, around fifth, grade, fourth grade. We moved to Sarasota, Florida, from upstate New York, and Sarasota at that time was the winter headquarters of the Ringling Brothers Circus.

And so to me, I already was obsessed with show business and wanting to be an actor and perform. And so when I got to Florida. And you could walk in the supermarket and go circus, circus, circus, normal person, circus performer, regular person circus performer. I was so excited by that and I kind of thought, this is as close, I may never get closer than this in terms of show business. So I kind of panicked a little bit and thought, you know, maybe you should figure out what you could do in the circus if you don't actually ever get to Hollywood or New York? Because when I was even younger, when we lived in upstate New York, I would sit on the floor watching I love Lucy, or watching my dad watch. Like Phil Silver's show, Sergeant Bilko.

And I would watch my dad laughing at that, or I would be watching Lucille Ball and laughing my head off and thinking, like, I would look around. And I'd be like, this can't be my real life, like these can't be my real parents. And like, you know, I've got to get into this somehow.

Yeah, how am I ever going to get out of Oneonta, New York, and get to Hollywood? This would be when I would be, like, four years old. Yeah, but you took it a step further.

You actually tried to get jobs, didn't you like? Write Walt Disney a letter? I did write Walt, Well, you know, a lot of stuff. I wrote Walt Disney a letter.

I waited by the mailbox for months for an answer. The letter came with a recording. I recorded a song and sent it to Walt Disney also, and it was on a reel-to-reel tape. And it was me singing Hayley Mills song Let's Get Together from the Parent Trap.

And my letter was like, Dear Mr. Disney, I am so much better than Kevin Corcoran. He was like Moochie, he was the kid who was in every Disney movie. You wrote a letter that said, Hey, that guy, who's your Disney star? I'm better than him.

Yes, you should see me, Mr. Disney, because I am so way better than this other kid. That's incredible, yeah.

And then, of course, you enclosed the tape of you singing and you get a letter back from Walt Disney. No, oh no, I wouldn't say that part.

No, no, I waited every day by the mailbox and nothing ever came. Maybe he passed away around then, it's possible that he could have.

I checked to make sure that he was still alive each day, they said. The day he died, he opened a letter and got really mad and then dropped dead. That's a true story, they said. He opened a letter, a recording fell out. Walt Disney was. He listened to my recording and dropped dead.

No, no, no. Walt Disney was enraged at the effrontery that someone said, I'm so much better than who you've got, he said. What child would have the nerve? And then he just dropped. That's what I've always been told.

I know the answer to that, too. I'll tell you what child would have the nerve, and that would be Kevin Corcoran's sister, Noreen Corcoran, who was also a child actor. She was older than him and she was the daughter.

You know, maybe some of your listeners right now could get out their smartphones and look up Noreen Corcoran, Noreen Corcoran, IMDB. Or wherever you look. If you're driving, don't do that. And also it's a reference that even the phone will probably blow up.

And probably no one cares really except me, but I care so deeply, you care very deeply about Noreen Corcoran. Noreen. If you're listening right now, good luck. I think she's passed away, but no, she probably hasn't, she probably hasn't.

Well, you're a terrible.

Uh-oh, there you go, right there. Noreen Corcoran. She was the daughter on. She did pass away.

She passed away today. No, not today. She passed away quite a while ago. Well, this is just a downer all the way around and a terrible moment for podcasting, I just want to say.

What date is today? Well, we never give the Oh, we can't say, but she died on what I think might be today. Seriously, I'm not kidding you. Is that today, Steve?

January 15th was that yesterday? What's today? Today's the 17th? Wait, you managed to bring up this woman who nobody listening knows about. And then we check into her and we find out that she died on the day that we're recording this podcast.

Don't forget Noreen.

I forgot her name already. Oh, for God's sake, Noreen Corcoran sent ya. It's like a large marge sent ya kind of story.

You know, I'll never forget the first time I met Noreen Corcoran on a night just like this.

I knew everything about every child star at the time, and Hayley Mills was my all-time obsession. You desperately wanted to be a child star, and you were angry at the existing child stars because you thought you were better. Did you, be honest, demonstrably have better skills than they did at the time? I mean, I wish there was someone around who could back that up, but you know, there isn't. Could you dance?

I wanted to be an entertainer when I was a kid, and I made my parents get me tap dancing lessons. Oh my god, because I thought, and this is like the 1970s. I thought that you needed to know how to tap dance to be in show business. Because the only movies they you did. Yes, at one point, but not in the 70s.

No, in the 30s, in the 1930s, in the 70s, you needed to know Martin Scorsese, and you needed to have a brooding sort of cloud over your head. No, there was no. I don't know why I got that misinformation. This makes so much. Now I understand why you insist on tap dancing at all your parties.

I never connected what that was about. I make everyone sit and then they hear me everyone's happy to do it. Seriously, yeah, they love it, they love watching you tap.

You often leave halfway through. I'm noticing it's a 40 minute routine. I'm just going outside to have, like, a, you know, take a deep breath. It's just to collect myself because I'm so blown away by your tapping. So are you to this day? Do you wish you'd been a child star?

Are you thinking, I mean, it all worked out so well for you? No, when I actually finally quote unquote made it in Hollywood, I was so happy that I was older, that I, you know, I was in my late 70s. I think when that happened, right? And I was very, very happy that I didn't make it as like a teenager or a 20 year old.

It goes so badly for anyone who gets in as a child, so badly that the only example they have of it going well is Jodie Foster. Of all the hundreds and thousands of people that have been child stars, they always say, Jodie Foster turned out okay. So there's one everyone else murders and sets fires before they're 15 years old.

Is that true? Sona? I don't know. Natalie Portman murderer Oh, okay.

She wasn't caught, but yeah, she committed a series of crimes in the Pacific Northeast. RYAN REYNOLDS No, I'm thinking about Ryan Gosling. See, you can't even do it. Ryan Gosling was in the Mickey Mouse Club.

Yeah, Ryan Gosling, arsonist. Oh, convicted you, said Jason Bateman. Yeah, Jason Bateman.

Have you hung out with Jason Bateman? No, I'm too scared he didn't turn out well. Yeah, okay.

Ron Howard Ron Howard stole jewelry from graves. That's a true story when I first met Ron. These are all true stories about celebrities, and don't even bother to look it up because it's just that true. Don't bother to mention it to them or their lawyers.

Ron HowarD A grave robber I'm having dinner with Ron Howard as soon as this is over. Well, notice he's, he doesn't know about it yet, but guess what? Notice this? Take a good look.

He'll be wearing four watches and six rings, and they'll be covered in dirt. My god, I was at a meeting many years ago. Well, I have two Ron Howard stories I'd like to tell you really slowly right now.

One of them is, when I first met Ron Howard, I auditioned for Night Shift. Was that the movie with Michael Keaton? Yes, Michael Keaton? I believe yes, that was Michael Keaton's breakout role.

I auditioned, well, that could have been my Rocky. that could have been me. Did you audition for Rocky as well? I did not.

Okay, you auditioned for Ron Howard for this big role, the role that you're bringing me back, you're bringing me back, you bet I have to.

So yes, and I blew the whole audition, I mean, one of many reasons, I blew the audition, but the main thing is I couldn't not go as soon as I sat down to go. I got to just tell you, Mr. Howard, I was so jealous of you when I was a kid, because I and I practically had to lay down and tell my story.

You told him how much you resented him as a child actor. Yes, I did. you never do that. I never told you this. No, no.

But I'm just saying that, what a mistake to tell him. I bitterly hated you. When you hindsight is 20-40, isn't it? Like, isn't that what people say? I would have known not to do that at the time, and I think it's common sense.

I did not, I didn't know, so you told Ron. That was my second audition, the only other audition I'd ever had for a movie before that was in The Chosen with Robbie Benson.

Oh my God, I can't even say that without laughing. But Robbie Benson was the teen heartthrob of the day. That could have been my rocky. I think we all find the path that we're meant to find, and I read that somewhere.

I think it was on a cookie. Well, I later went to a meeting in a skyscraper with Ron Howard and his partner.

And in the middle of a pitch, I was just sort of nervously reaching around behind me. On the couch I was sitting at, and I stuck my hand in the crack of the couch. And there was money in it, like coins had fallen down. And I stopped in the middle of this pitch and practically squealed like a pig and went, Oh my god, there's money back here.

And I stood up and pulled the cushion out and started pulling the coins out. And then I turned around. And everyone in the room's mouth, jaws were dropped open. And I was like, Oh my God, I mean, people were looking at me, like, Are you kidding me? You're a disaster.

It was horrible. I made so many mistakes like that, right? Many, and I'd like to tell you all 40 or 50 of them right now.

I want to hear them.

And now we're back. Good break, huh? Oh, that was quick. I feel like we didn't even have a break, but we really didn't.

They're inserting some commercials later on, commercials that'll earn us hundreds of dollars. Okay, you'll see a small part of that us, huh?

Yeah, us. Okay. I share the wealth equally with everyone in this room. Yes, head points in this podcast.

This particular one episode, I'm just, you know, not you, you say yes right now, you've got to whatever.

Hey, whatever change you can find here, whatever coins you can find here, you can keep, and that is your payment. I'd just like to point out, I'm not even on a couch, I'm in a you know, what is this? It's an office chair.

What do you call this? a chair?

Can I just say one of the things that delighted me so much in your work is the that you would call a chair. Cherry. That everything was alive when I was a kid. That was my sense of humor is that everything was alive and everything ended in E. Well, it, cherry, everything ends with e.

But I really was the kind of kid that would put something in a in a drawer and say, thanks, drawer. And the drawer would be like, I'm just doing my part. And I, you know, I'm still right, I'm still like that, I still. I love a world where everything's alive.

I think that's the kind of world I want to live in. I used to like that. Now I like a world where everything is dead.

No, no, I'm just kidding, I kid, because I'm a professional kidder and I, although you would be the judge of that better than me, I don't think so. I'm not trying to set you up here or myself, but I, yeah.

You seem like a kid to me. That would have just based on your sense of humor and what you came up with that you had. You would have had an active imagination and worked out all these fantasies in your head when you were a kid. That, you know, there are people like that. I comedians I talked to, where I say, Yeah, I picture them up in their room, creating a whole world, you know? And then there's the other type of comedian that just angrily goes out and they craft their comedy out of loathing and revenge. Which one are you? I'm going to bet the first one.

Hmm, let me think about that for 15 or 20 minutes. You really don't understand this format, do you? No, I, No, I was going to ask you and then we just jumped in so fast. But the pod part of it is the part I didn't really understand and I was going to look it up before. I don't know.

I have not been doing this very long and I don't know why. They're called podcasts, I don't know anything about it, I do it. People that have put a lot of thought into podcasts are enraged by my indifference to the whole medium, but I enjoy it. But I don't know what pod means, I don't know why it's called podcast.

Yeah, me neither, and I don't even really care. I mean, I'm here, right? I mean, I didn't go like, you know, unless you can explain what pod means.

I'm not doing it, I'm just here for a free meal. Can I just jump in with one story I just thought of that I was trying to think of?

That's the whole point of what we're doing, you're allowed to. When you think of something that you think would be good, I just put it in a pod and send it off, yeah.

So when I put the headphones on, they still call these headphones, right? Yeah, I put the headphones on. And I listened to my voice coming through the headphones and I'm like, Wow, who is that? who's that Nasally voice there?

Because, you know, I just like, I don't ever like to listen to my voice, so I won't be listening to this podcast, I'm just telling you now. But when I made my tape to Walt Disney soon after that, I believe I think it was shortly after that. Because it was the end of my singing career. For many, many years, I went to New York with my dad and we went in a booth. Where you could make a record, you put money in and you would sing into a microphone and then a record would come out.

And we lived really far away and I probably sang the same song that I had sang for Walt Disney. This was a couple of years later, so it was different technology, I went from reel to reel, tape to vinyl.

And I'd like to take a break, commercial break, and come back to the rest of this story in a couple of hours.

I held that record on my lap all the way back to Oneonta, New York, like a two or three hour drive from Manhattan. And ran in the house and put it on the record player and listened to it. About the first four notes, and it was, I think, like, maybe the first or second time, maybe the first. I probably recorded that thing for Walt Disney and never even checked it. So this might be the first time you're really listening to your voice, right?

And I freaked out so bad that I grabbed the record and ran outside and smashed it on the sidewalk and didn't sing again. Until I auditioned for some musical when I was like a young teenager, like 13 or something. So you heard your voice for the first time? I mean, now, with phones and everything the technology we have now, everyone hears their voice all the time. But yeah, you hadn't heard your own voice? No, I hadn't.

CONAN I hadn't heard it, you weren't? No, it was horrible. Was that laughing or crying? I couldn't tell.

I don't know what it was, it was bad acting. Finding the change in the couch did not cost you that audition?

I think it was that crying that did it good thing. This is your show, buddy. May I call you buddy. I wish you would. I wish you would.

No, I. What can you say? After a story that boring? nothing? That was a good story? Wait a minute. That was a touching story.

I just picture you going out, and I picture it being snowy, and there's snow banks, and I picture you rushing out into the snow and hurling it against the asphalt and it shatters. And then I see a bread truck going by and Mr. Panchetta leaning out and going, What's the matter, boy? And you say, My voice, my voice. I'll never make it in the business.

He says, Here, have a warm biscuit and he hands you one and you bite into it. You know things will work out. It's so close to what really happened, except he leaned out and said, It's GIF.

In that accent that you just had, I don't do accents you worked with. I want to bring this up because I worked with the man at Serenite Live for a number of years. Phil Hartman I know you guys worked together. Did you do improv with Phil?

Yes, back in the day, yeah, he was in the groundings, he was just so fantastic. I just found a whole bunch of photos of Phil in a box that I'm going through. All these, looking for all this stuff to show during the Pee Wee's Big Adventure 35th anniversary tour.

And so I found a bunch of photos of Phil, because Phil worked on the movie With you, Phil co-wrote Big Adventure. Yeah, yeah.

You know, people always ask me about Phil, and I always say, well, for my money. He was the best utility player that Serenite Live has ever had. He could play anything. He could be the dad in one sketch, then the juvenile delinquent in the next sketch, and so he was amazing that way.

And the other thing that I loved about that was remarkable about Phil is that all the years I worked with him, people said, Well, what was he like? He was always in character, kind of. When I would try to talk to him, I'd come in and I'd go, Hi, Phil. And he'd be like, Hello kid, and then he'd say, Keep him flying, boys.

To me and the other writers, keep him flying, that's the way to go, fellas. And he would always talk like he was in a sort of a parody of a World War II movie. And then I'd see him out in the world sometimes.

I'd see him walking down the street and be, Hey, Phil, how are you? It's Aces kid. And I thought, So, I don't know. He was. No, he was like, that, you probably. I don't know if you broke through and saw a different Phil, but that's the Phil I always saw.

No, he was just like that with me. Me and Phil and John Paragon were the three kind of guys at the groundlings. And we would sit in my car in the parking lot and just spend all hours and hours fantasizing about what it would be like if we were ever working actors and made our living as actors and stuff. And it was just when I think back on it now, it was so amazing and corny. You turned me on to this amazing, like secret magic show once, which we don't have to talk about.

We can. I don't care. No, no, but you took me to, you said, Hey, I've got something you might be interested in.

And I thought you were going to sell me drugs, to be honest with you, and I was hoping that that's what would happen, but you didn't. You took me into this really interesting part of Los Angeles, to this magical place where they put on kind of a burlesque show. And I took my wife and it was just amazing.

Then there was a party afterwards, but it felt like it was this secret world that nobody in L..A. knows about. And I'm sort of loathe to even talk about it because I don't want to ruin the sort of coolness of it. Well, in actuality, they're making a documentary that's going to include quite a bit of stuff about that.

The place you're talking about, the actual location of it, is called Brookledge, that's the name of this property, and it was at one time the destination for magicians. Before the Magic Castle and the family, it was the Larson family that owned that property and still owns that property, and the two Larson brothers founded the Magic Castle.

But their property, one of their property in Brookledge, had a little theater, has a little theater in the backyard that seats, I think it's about a 70 seat theater. It's tiny and it's over a creek. There's a real creek that runs through this property in the middle of Los Angeles, and it's there's, I guess, an underground. This is, I don't know, this would be something you might know about.

I've never heard of it, you haven't heard of this because it's not so up your alley. I don't know who you think I am, but yeah. There's a apparently like a river that runs underneath Los Angeles, and then it surfaces, or a creek. And it surfaces in this one little neighborhood, and it runs right through this estate.

So there's a little babbling. Brook, part of Los Angeles. I can't say, Oh, I think that's too personal.

I think it was a mistake us even saying Los Angeles, No, no. The reason is because they're making a documentary about the Magic Castle and this family at Brookledge, and this will be part of it. There's quite a bit of stuff about Brookledge. Well, it was magical.

And I think you must know about all kinds of stuff like that. That's the that's the absolute best one I know about. I do know about a few other places a couple of times. The podcast is called Conan O'Brien Needs a friend, and you and I have talked recently about getting together and getting a meal.

And I don't want to pick the place, I want you to pick the place. I sent you great places, like Three places. I thought we'd be doing it after this podcast, but you know, I never heard back from you. That's not true.

It is true, that's not true. Don't make me go and resend that email. You sent me an email that invited me to. I said, like, what do you do after the podcast? That I'll be doing on this date?

Like, weeks ago, weeks, I mean, I'll give you one thing. It was over the holiday, so.

Oh, that might explain it. You were probably in. I was in Stade Saint-Tropez, No, I was in stade.

I was in stade with some of the biggest celebrities you can imagine the weeknd.

Oh my god, it's a true story. I was in stade with the Weeknd. Why are you laughing at that? Why is that funny to you?

I feel like you just said any name that you think is hip and cool, you just saw Uncut Gems, No.

I was in stade with the Weeknd, and if you, if you doubt me, you can ask the Weeknd. Oh, I'm sorry to use it. Was it for the Weeknd? Yeah, you were in stade for the Weeknd.

I think you're mistaken. No, I don't. I didn't mean that I want to do more episodes of this. First of all, we'll see.

We'll see how this pans out. All right, I get it, but see where you want to be. I know the Weeknd also, by the way.

Do you and the Weekday listen? All of your references so far have been? Betty? Grable is the newest reference you've made? I just said the Weeknd.

You just repeated me and I said it because I think I saw it on a blog anyway. I was in stade with the Weeknd so I did not see what you're talking about, and I'm a notoriously bad emailer.

I don't, I'm not comfortable in the world of email. I prefer a letter in the mail. It's really how I prefer things. I sent you several letters, too, I resorted to email only after. As I was saying to Grace Kelly and Monica just recently about this very subject.

But here's what I want to know over the weeknd, by the way, too. Are we going to? I kept thinking, I want Paul to figure this out because I want to go someplace. Interesting. If it's up to me, it's going to be the cheesecake factory.

And that's where I wanted to go. Did you really? No, I was going to go to the Cheese Something factory, but.

What are you doing? I'm going to write down the name so I don't have to say it out loud. And see if you've ever been to this restaurant, because it's so you have been, I have been there. That's where I was going to suggest we went.

But only if you had never, he just wrote Hooters on a piece of paper. I've been there only if you had never been here, because, but I'd go there again.

It's close to here and this time of year, the view is incredible. We're not talking about hooters, by the way. You're just kidding a kidder, right? No, no, no.

Of course, I did what was called a joke. I made a joke. Hooters, hootiers.

Hoogif I will go there with you to that place. We can't stay. Because if word gets out, let's face it, Paul Rubens and Conan O'Brien are going to a restaurant together. I wasn't sure if you could even go out. Like, if you go out places and people just, you know, talk to you all the time.

You know what I do, I go out dressed as lesser celebrities so that I'm not hassled. What I really do. I go out disguised as a celebrity. Who I believe is a Nacho 2 below me.

And I don't want to say any names because I think that's hurtful, but that way, write one down. Oh my god. Oh, I'm in a total agreement over that one, yeah.

See, but then there's this one right here. Ooh, ghosty. I want to be bothered somewhat, I don't want to go out in disguise, I want people to kind of recognize me.

And that's why, oh, I get you, yeah, that's why I'll go out as someone who was, like, in a sitcom in the 1980s and hasn't worked much since. So that people go, Oh, you know, and I get some attention, but not, it's not the overwhelming. There's Conan O'Brien.

Well, you can just imagine the mania that would break out if I were, I can only imagine it.

So you've been with me many times and it gets out of control, it does not get out of control, it gets completely out of control. Some people look at you and they're like, Yeah, is it him?

No, yeah, I feel like people look at me and go like, Oh my God, it's no, it's not. It can't be him.

Well, let's talk about that because you made it in this huge way as this other entity. But when you walk around, people, do they know it's you right away? I don't think they do, but you know, you know this too, or maybe you don't like you can. I can never tell, and I'm always very into like, as I walked down the street, I'm like, Does this person recognize me?

Do they recognize me? Are you thinking about that all the time? Oh, every second, I'm wondering, Are people recognizing me or not? You know what's funny?

So if they do, there's a little anxiety. I bet that they will recognize you, because then you have to engage in conversation and you might. The bubble will be broken. But if they don't recognize you, then your feelings are hurt, so you're in a fucked up situation. I was at your party at Christmas speaking with somebody about this very subject. I'm not making this up and going by the way. I am always in situations where people start to go, Oh my God, I really love you.

And I love that thing you did, and it turns out to be you. The person that I was talking to, it was Martin Short. Really. All the time, people, I'm halfway through and I'm like, whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

You're talking about Ed Grimley, not Pee Wee Herman, and they're like, Oh, I mean, they never go like the same difference. People confuse you with Martin Short? Yes, quite often.

And does anyone ever? Do you think anyone ever goes up to Martin Short and thinks that they're Paul Reubens? If they do? Martin Short wasn't kind enough to tell that story. That would have been nice if he said that to you, he could have even made that up.

You know what I get a lot, you're listening, Marty. I know your friends call you Marty. God. you're so much. you're so filled with venom I am.

A stroke of nerve hit a nerve. Yeah, a lot of people think I'm Greta Gerwig, I get that a lot, they do.

People say, Oh my God, you're so young and you're beautiful. You're so much taller than me. Yeah, you're very tall. How did you do little women? How did you direct little women?

And I go and I'm happy in the first part, and then I suddenly I'm like, No, no, no, I'm not Greta Gerwig. And then I talked to Greta Gerwig and she said, she does not get mistaken for me. I want to meet Greta Gerwig. I really do.

That's like a serious, real thing, I'm saying it on your show. In case she's out there or any of her friends are going, go Greta. You know, he could be sending you gifts or GIfs or whatever on your birthday.

A lot of celebrities listen to this podcast really, and I'm going to say, and I'm not even kidding, there's a 95 chance that Greta Gerwig is listening right now. Well, I'm out to her people already. Yeah, well, this is faster.

All right, you're never going to get through her people, okay, you know? After Little Women, that's a lot of people. I loved Little Women and I loved the other movie that she made before that.

Lady Bird, Lady Bird. If you really loved it, I knew the name of it, Lady Bird.

That's the Lyndon Johnson story, right? It's the story of Lyndon Johnson. And the musical score was by the weekend. So it all comes together full circle, yeah.

I know a lot of cool modern references. You seem to be very backwards and dated backwards and back in the 40s and the 50s. But a day doesn't go by that.

I'm not listening to the latest rap by Awkwafina.

Or, you know, wearing the latest threads, I know what to do. You couldn't even think of another person to name. I said, Awkwafina, and I think that's enough. I don't think I should be required to know other names than that.

Paul, You and I I think don't need to know about the modern world because we both live in our own heads. We're happy where we are. We don't need to know who all these rappers are, you know, why do I need to know what most def is doing?

You're asking the wrong person, though, really? I mean, you're this is most def. That's another one, right? Yeah, this is more an actor now.

Yeah, I know the Blind Boys of Alabama, leading the Blind Boys of Alabama. Just to make a fairly current reference from a group from the last 40 or 50 years. I don't think you and I should be communicating in this modern medium. The podcast is a modern medium listened to by a lot of very young, cool people.

And you and I are not qualified to be here. What's the difference between a podcast and a radio show? By the way? Exactly, I think that all the time because I'm making a radio show and people keep going, No, no, no, you're making a podcast.

And I go, I think I know what I'm making, and they go, No, if you think you're making a radio show, then obviously you don't a podcast. I love that story, don't you? I like the beginning and I like the middle. I didn't like the end.

The ending was disappointing. I can fix the end. I'll take that note, yeah.

Podcasts can be listened to at any time. I suppose that's one of the big differences. Yeah, podcast comes from iPod, it's a pun on broadcast, but it was invented, or sort of like, popularized by the iPod.

I didn't know that, and I've been doing one of these for a year and a half and I didn't know that. I bet a lot of people that are listening right this moment didn't know that and we would have no way of knowing whether they're lying or not.

I assume they're all lying. Every single one of them look at that. you go angry. They're all liars. You go angry and bitter every time.

Since you smashed that phonograph record in the snow, you're the baker. you're a delightful fellow. thank you. you really are, and I know you're-.

Does that mean we're out of time? No, you're wrapping it up right now. I can do whatever I want. Oh, I'm just curious.

No one's breathing down my neck. Are we going to go out to this place that you wrote down? You mean right now? I can't go now for reasons I can't go now.

N-a working hello, Oh, ring ring, ring, ring, ring pick up.

Hello, you mean, that line of celebrities out there was all waiting to do their next podcast, you mean, the Backstreet boys? Griffin Dunn?

Damn.

Are you challenging me to come up with boys to men, boys to men waiting out there in the hallway, men at work? yeah?

Men at work out there, Thompson twins, there you go. If it's an 80s name, I know it, we weren't doing 80s trivia, were we?

No, but Sade is out there, waiting to talk to me. Sade, she told me. it was Sade. Yeah, well, she pronounces it. GIF also so.

Did you really have this evening booked? Did you think you and I were going to have to go to dinner tonight because I want to go to dinner with you? I hoped, when are we going to get to go?

Let's just say I used the word hope in my mind. When are we going to go? But as I got in the car to come over here, I realized, Yeah, I haven't heard from him. Still. What is it now? seven weeks?

Take it easy. I was in stade with the Weeknd. What I want to do is make sure that we do this meal for three months. You were there.

Okay, go ahead, cheers show. The weeknd is a very slow schedule. Listen, you and I, downhill skier.

Isn't that the name of a movie? Oh my god, downhill, racer, downhill, something. Are you okay?

What's happened, I don't know. Dunhills cigarettes. I'll take things that begin with done for a hundred.

Well, I think we're done. How about that? Ding ding ding, ding ding segue pretty good, huh?

Yeah, we are out of time. I do have to go and speak to all the guests that are waiting to speak with me. The lawyer for Raul, Julia Oh, you do.

Oh, absolutely, you just made it very clear that you had dinner blocked out for me. No, I take it all back. Do you have someone you can have dinner with? Can we do a second take of this whole show?

I think we just did. This is fantastic, I think you should be very happy with it. I'm thrilled, I am so thrilled.

I'm trying my best not to go dark and bitter, right this second? But no, I like it. And my people will be contacting you immediately as soon as I get in the car. You have no people, do you? no?

PAUL Listen, you seem really busy. I'm going to let you, let me run. That was defensive.

You and I are going to have this dinner, we're going to have this dinner, and it's going to be a really good time. Early 2021, I'm thinking, right, no, we're going to do it this month.

Oh, we're doing it this month. I wish I could, I mean, I wish I was available. You're not.

You're booked the whole month. Well, I'm going out on tour. I don't think I've mentioned that more than two or three times, have I? How can I?

How can people see this show? They can't? It's sold out, so I have no reason to plug it whatsoever. I love it when people plug stuff that's sold out.

Yeah, me too, fuck you, what a good feeling.

It's a candy, okay, Paul? Thank you so much. When we do go to dinner, I will pay for two-thirds of it. Thank you.

And you can't thank me enough, I feel, you can't do enough for me. I feel you have dead eyes. I'll just say that at the end, you're just looking right through me.

You scared?

Frightened? Now you're just making sounds. This is the end of the podcast. It's Paul Reubens.

Goodbye everyone.

Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien. Sona Movsesian and Matt Gorley Produced by Me Matt Gorley executive produced by Adam Sachs. Nick Liao and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by the White Stripes.

Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino Take it away, Jimmy.

Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer. Samples engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production support by Mars Melnick, Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.

Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode, and if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan. O'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever Fine podcasts are downloaded.