#644 - KIRK FOX

And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Back on my standup tour at the end of January, hitting all the spots that I didn't hit on the fully grown tour before this. Vancouver, Portland and Seattle, you're next January 25th, 26th and 27th, and then Los Angeles, California. I do stand up. Denver, Colorado, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Boston, Baltimore, Salt Lake City, San Jose, Dallas, Houston, St.

Louis, Nashville, Fort Lauderdale and Orlando. I'm so pumped for these upcoming dates, really excited for you to see it taken. Some of my favorite openers with me. You may recognize some of them. Get tickets now at Tony hinchcliffe..com.

This is going to be my last stretch of the standup tour for the rest of 2024.

It's all just performing in Austin and kill Tony from there, so hope to see you soon.

Hey, this is Redman coming to you. Live from the comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

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You guys ready to start tonight's episode?

You guys big fans of the show. How many of you have been big fans of the show for a long time?

Well, you guys are in for a treat because this is the return. And it's been years pre pandemic since we had this guy on as a guest. And he is one of the record holders for all time guest appearances and one of the all time greats. Someone who is in more than anything, on top of being nominated for an Emmy as an actor and so many great things he's been on. But truly, he is one of my favorite comedians on planet Earth, and a lot of your favorite comedians, favorite comedian.

Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the return of one of my all time favorites, the great and powerful Kirk Fox. Everybody you.

Now sit here, kirk over here, oh.

Fuck yeah, the great Kirk Fox, everybody. Reservation dogs, parks and rec. The new jury duty up for an Emmy? But more than anything, one of the fucking real comedians of our era at the comedy store, a fucking legend and a legend about that. But it seems important to you.

So it is we're going to have a lot of fun. Is this the right mic? I don't want to interrupt you, I know the rules you gave me, but is this the mic you want me on?

OK, no, no, is that you? do you do that? Hold on.

Don't press on the thing, man. I don't want any trouble just like that. Good, we got that.

OK, but that was next to me, you understand why? Oh yeah, totally OK. So someone fucked up already, it's true.

This is put that away to never be used again. OK, frame it. We're going to have fun. Kirk, you know how it works? Over 200 souls signed up for the chance to get one minute on this stage here tonight.

If I pull their name out of the bucket, souls, yeah, oh yeah, OK, but that would get scary if it was just see death here in the spotlight.

Ok.

But yes, you know how it works, they get 60 seconds. It's been a while, I'll be honest with you, yeah.

They get 60 seconds uninterrupted, I know 60 seconds, I know we're just getting the kinks out.

I'll be done in a second.

And, you know, the time is up and you have the sound of a kitten, that means wrap it up. Then I was going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which just interrupts them, and then I ask them a bunch of questions. And we find out more about who we pulled out of the bucket.

I'm going to pre-pull right now, our first comedian. And they have to go across the street to a special bar and get the person. I believe they yell it, what do you yell it through a megaphone? Colt? You do, yeah.

All right, well, there he goes.

I didn't even know that, I didn't always wondered, like, why would someone just yell the name? You store them across the street? Is this what happens? Yeah.

Yeah, there's a bar you don't want to keep souls in here, so that's good you put them at a new bar.

I'm with you, Tony. I take the humans to the bar. We keep the souls here. OK, I like it.

Anyway, I interview them. The whole thing's improvised, it's all crazy. You guys know where you're at, you guys ready to have a great fucking show tonight, or what?

Thank you for that long song. I have been putting dryers all throughout my neighborhood because I want to catch a stepmom.

I love taking Ubers, you know, it's going to be a good Uber if you can't tell if it's the driver's name or his license plate.

I've been thinking about getting the new Cyber truck because I want a car that tells people. Not only is my dick small, but I wax my balls as well.

My girlfriend recently told me that I have the best personality of any man she's ever dated, which is sad because I didn't know my dick was that small.

All right, thank you. OK, that's Kim. Did you say dryers? Was that the first?

Yes, dryers. as in like washing machine, washing machine, dryer, dryers. yes, because stepmoms use dryers. Yeah, they get stuck in them.

Ah, OK, it's a type of porn that he watches.

BRIAN I watch American porn, not the Japanese shit that you're into. Yeah, you guys have actually flip flopped. It's like Tom Hanks and the little boy in the movie Big. You should be liking Japanese porn. And he should, for sure. Like stepmoms caught in dryers. But the world works in mysterious ways.

How are you doing, Hans Kim? I'm doing fabulously, you know, my girlfriend's still white and I'm still rich.

Super likable. That could all change, so that's good, that could all change. A few of those dryer joke could change everything.

But it's all right. You came out with confidence, I spoke with you downstairs and you had high hopes.

Lock and change, man, you come up to two stories, two floors. yeah, two floors. Each step got you closer to this moment.

So I do love you, though, we love you Hans. What's going on in your life? I recently bought a remote control airplane and I got it stuck in a tree. And so I bought a $150 pole and got it out and got my $200 airplane out with.

Yeah, these are the investments that can take you in the other direction pretty quick.

It really is a $150 pole for a $200 airplane. yeah, it's a 30 foot pole. I mean, I still have. I'm not going to return it, I'm going to use it.

But you saved money on the tree, right?

The Christmas tree. See, I can suck, too.

I'm just showing you that it's universal.

Sure, got quiet. They thought something was coming and I was just showing them that it can sometimes not come.

Hans, Let me ask you something. A 30 foot pole is that what you needed? Yeah, it was pretty high up there, just poked it out. Does it retract?

Yes, it folds in, folds in. I think, yeah, I think D-Madness has one of those over here somewhere.

So you think you're going to use it in the future? Are you going to use it to? Mostly like, talk, shit? Like? I wouldn't touch you with a 30 foot pole, and I know, because I have a 30 foot pole, yeah, I mean, my reach is unlimited.

I mean, 30 foot, but yeah.

I could touch a lot of things from far away. Well, that's going to help you when you're near the playground next time.

You need to get a, yeah, 31 foot restraining order is what they need from you. Did you get the plane out? Yes, poked it out, fell in the water and dried it out.

Wouldn't it be great if we could do that to the planes during 9-11? Just fucking poke them out real quick. So the whole thing didn't like if we just would have gotten rid of that jet fuel still can. There's pieces.

I love it. So the plane falls down. Is it still working? Yes, but then I crashed it again and the front wheel caved in.

So I'm going to return it and get a new one. Wow, but you'll keep the pole for the next time. Yeah, you think Asians are better than normal people at at flying airplanes?

We're about exponentially worse. The third dimension really sends me in a tail loop, start spinning around, Fuck yeah, those were words I didn't understand.

But once again, you are confident in the delivery and fuck, and we'll go with it. Thank you, Kirk, I'm here for you. It's like, Did you watch the plane fly into the tree?

Yeah, I was controlling it, right? What's the range on something like that? Probably like a thousand feet, wow.

Can you see? so you were flying low? Yeah, I was showing off. can you see up like, like, like normal people?

Or do you have special goggles and a camera on the airplane? You don't need to see up when you have a 30 foot pole. Yeah, it's a deep madness, that shit, you just feel okay.

I can see up, Yes, Brian, I can see up. If he wouldn't, it would have been a Malaysian airplane, it would have disappeared, everybody.

You should have watched the news before I came. Electronic airplane jokes that's a....

Kirk said You should have watched the news, the Malaysian plane disappeared. I think it was 15 years ago or something like that. No, I mean, I would have had to have started 15 years ago. I'm waiting for this shit coming.

Hell yeah, so Malaysia went down, yeah, but it'll be all right, it disappeared, it'll be OK.

Hans Anything else crazy? We need to know about you tonight. One of my roommates is not a fan of my kimchi.

Oh, oh.

Is that your girlfriend Kimchi?

It does smell really bad, though it stinks. I mean, it's food. if you like, process it as food, it's like, whatever, that's food.

It's OK, like, why do you have to make a big deal about it? What did the roommate say? Goddamn, what the hell wait?

I am so confused with the race of this roommate. The part where I thought it was black and then it got white halfway through, where's that Chinese motherfucker? I think it's black again, going back to black.

Smells like a foot farted in here. Is that what he said? Yeah, it's pretty poetic. Yeah, you know, it smelled like a foot farted in here like that.

Yeah, right, goddamn my n-word.

Yep, now I know for a fact, that it is indeed. I just like watching to see where it goes. Oh, it's going farther and farther, it's not getting there.

We're almost there, I'm not going to say it.

Fuck yeah, so where did you guys settle on the kimchi battle? He just told me that it's smelly and I was just like, Well, you know, I'm a Korean roommate. This is like par for the course.

You're lucky I'm not bringing out the ginseng. That's another Korean thing. Do you have a garage? Yes, you should get a garage refrigerator for the kimchi.

Oh, OK, I don't have to go to the garage every time, it's so what it's like, I'm sorry.

It's like somebody cooking fish every day, you know, you don't want your whole house to smell like fish. You have to deal with an Asian, yeah.

He has to say it now, I'm not allowed to say it anymore. Can we think we can think it right? Can we bleep it?

Is that what it's called? Yeah, I love it, Hans. Every single week you start the show in an amazing fashion. You did it. tonight. There goes Hans Kim.

Thank you, that was Hans Kim, that was Hans Kim, Hans, I love Hans Kim, that was Hans Kim.

All right back to the bucket, we go make some noise for your first bucket bowl. Obviously, this is where shit can be out of control.

Make some noise for Paul Ciphers everybody 60 seconds uninterrupted of stand up comedy by a hopeful that was contained in a bar all night. This is Paul Ciphers.

I like to take Adderall, but I don't have health care, so I have to buy it off of drug dealers. I got some a few weeks ago, I brought it home. I was like, damn, this is some good shit, and then three days later I was like, damn, this is some crystal meth.

That's what this is.

This has been the worst year of my life. I'm glad it's ending. It started off pretty rough. Last year. On New Year's Eve, I got hit by the same drunk driver two times.

I was sitting in the passenger seat, my dad punched me in both of my eyes, so that's what I gave her, trying to kiss him. When the ball dropped, you know what I mean?

I'm kind of tired this morning. I saved a woman from a train, I pushed her out of the way and let all those guys fuck me instead.

Thank you guys very much. 60 seconds exactly from Paul Ciphers.

All right, this guy's down for anything. Tony's lucky Day. If you want me to be, well, yeah.

Welcome to show business buddy, fuck yeah.

No, it's OK, I love it. How long you been on stand up? five or six years now?

All of it in Austin, No. I moved here three years ago from Worcester, Massachusetts, right? Worcester. That comes up a lot on the show.

WORCESTER, Massachusetts A lot of us are here. Hell yeah, who's the most famous comedian from there? Doug Stanhope, maybe.

LOUIE Sort of, yeah, yeah, it's a it's a huge scene out there in Boston, and how you said, five or six years total.

Yes, right, what do you do for work? Right now? I'm working at Vulcan as a door guy at a bar back and and then just whatever else I could pick up shifts on 6th Street, doing that kind of stuff.

Yeah, and I just started as a PA here a week or two ago, working for you, so it's been fun, really, that's amazing.

He just started, Thank you good stuff, Yoni.

If you're buying Adderall off the street, you're going to find a lot of work. What do you do for the show? I got to know they just put, brought me on, I'm just running.

Grab one of the Tell me, Teach me what to do. Yeah, just brought me on. So what do you?

What have you done?

I've helped set up chairs, I've done that.

I have given the gel guns to the people and they get off stage and I tell them, Great job, that's right from the great people over at Gel Blast. Yeah, that's a great.

And you're getting paid for that.

Austin seems like the place to be, yeah.

Thumbs up, you're fucking getting paid, I'd be make a fortune.

Wait, we're paying this guy. I have no idea, I have no idea. I don't believe Yoni's saying No, Yoni's going like that.

My Jew executive producer is literally like.

I love it, getting paid and experience. OK, I like that. That's very, very, I mean, that seems to make sense.

What you're doing is going good job. Yeah, gel blaster once every 10 minutes.

Seems like pretty much fucking nothing, yeah, helping with signups and stuff. Yeah, yeah.

Anything, Are you sure? Are you sure that you're supposed to be helping? Yeah, this guy's just an invader.

Like, I've been one of your top young, rising production assistants, you might know me as the fastest rising producer. Of chairs moving behind tables and gel blasters being handed out. I'm about to be the president of show business in minutes at this pace. And have you seen his thumb?

He's got a strong thumbs up, I love it. So Paul, tell us something interesting about your childhood? Oh, my childhood.

Not much.

I cried during Powder the popcorn football a lot, until my my brothers played football for a long time, and I just cried so many times. My family told me I shouldn't go back anymore. So do you cry now? Well, my girlfriend just moved all of our stuff out of her apartment and left me a week ago, so I've been crying.

I guess you didn't pull her chair out enough.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? I mean, I don't know, but I noticed something really interesting. Maybe hold your thought, because what I took from that, I don't know if any of anybody else noticed this. But you didn't say that your girlfriend broke up with you? You said my girlfriend got her stuff and moved it out a week ago. No, she broke up with me too.

Yeah, OK, just making sure that you know that. No, I know you seemed really hopeful there for a second. The way I analyze that is like, well, she thinks she broke up with me, but now she took all her shit. But she's just making room for more love.

She took all of her shit and her human body, but her soul is with me.

Do you think you could cry for us if we, if we helped? Was there a song in particular that that she loved or that she would play a lot? I don't think I could cry here. I'm in a pretty good mood right now. Let me ask you again.

Was there a specific song that she that reminds you of her?

I don't know, maybe yeah, I don't know. You don't know. How long were you with her?

I mean, I'm sure there's songs that remind me of her. I don't know if they'd make me cry, though. If they play, that's not what I'm asking. OK, sure.

Let's take the cry thing. Separately, let's go with the song Everlong by Foo Fighters. That would make me. What are your thoughts when you think about Everlong from the Foo Fighters? What does it remind you of a time with her?

No, they're not just the lyrics of the song, you know, they're just just a sad song in general, I guess.

Wait, is that it?

We got a spotlight on Paul.

I'll play it too, keep fucking playing it, don't stop now, let's go, let's go through.

Just look out there, look at the look at the camera. Wait, are you trying to sing? No, I mean, I can try, I'm not good at it.

Yeah, go sing.

I've waited here for you. She might see this.

Everlong, This could win her back tonight. Come on, you got this, Paul.

I throw myself into WhO, out of her head, out of her head, she sang.

You packed your bags.

No, no.

She went to New Jersey, I think she's coming back, There's a chance she went to New Jersey. That's how shitty it is.

Did you guys ever watch football together? Did that ever come into play? No, that never came up. No, yeah, just fucking. What was it about Pop Warner?

That just would break you into tears. I mean, we skipped over what started it. You didn't like being tackled? Yeah, I was not good at it, very bad at it.

Did they tackle you before the game or something? Yeah, just even the Oklahoma drills and stuff just beat the shit out of me. So I was out real young. You ask me something about my childhood. I just had to, like, spin the wheels, pick something.

In the right light, you do look like a beautiful woman, though.

She's a strong light, good backlight for you.

What's the longest stand-up set you've ever done? Um, 20 minutes. I'd love to have you on the Secret Show Thursday. Whoa, look at that, Paul ciphers Miggies.

Thank you, you have a joke book already, huh? Yeah, I have two. OK, well, there you go, Paul Ciphers, you have a small one and a big one.

That's amazing, I love that, it's fun to hear the people that have had. Did I fucking miss a bucket, Paul?

Oh, that was him, oh, sweet, perfect. Yeah, there's the one that we funneled, and the new one goes out. Make some noise for Anthony Papali, everybody.

Straight out of the bucket.

Anthony Papali, 60 seconds What's up?

Dude, I'm not from Texas, all right, and I'm trying to learn about Texans. What I've learned about Texans is. You guys like your guns, you're hunting, you're fishing, just terminating everything out here, really, you know, except pregnancies. You guys are like, No sir, those aren't in season.

But I bet you can sell abortion to Texas. You know, you just got to take it out of planned parenthood and then drop it in a bass pro shop. You know what I'm saying? Like, every abortion free box of ammo, you'd have to line out the door. Man, you go in, your girl gets the abortion. You pick up a Salt Life t-shirt and fucking roll tide, baby.

Let's go, dude.

Have some fun. I don't know how I feel about abortion, though, you know, like, on one hand, I think it's a woman's right to choose, right? Sometimes, you know, you see a little kid and you're like, Oh, look at that guy, he didn't get aborted, you know? But then you remember he goes to school in America, so you're like, Oh, he's got plenty of time.

He's got plenty of time to be aborted.

Thank you, fuck yeah.

Okay, yeah, that makes more sense. PAPPALI Hell yeah, yeah, you've been on this show before, correct?

Yes, okay, and remind us, What are you again? What's your ethnicity? What are you?

100 Italian.

Fuck yeah, always, seriously though, I'm an Indian guy, right? you're an Indian guy.

Yeah, pretty Indian. What do you do for work? I just got out of the military and so I'm kind of figuring out what to do. What'd you do in the military?

I was in the Coast Guard, worked on ships. Okay, yeah, I see something in boating, maybe in your future, maybe.

I don't know what'd you do on the ships, just like navigation stuff worked in public affairs. I gotta be honest. Last time I was on here, I said I was in the military, but I didn't say that I did get kicked out of the military, I got kicked out.

You got kicked out, I got kicked out. Yeah, wow. The rare Indian misbehavior.

An anomaly in history. I'm trying to change the image of Indians. We're bad boys, we're bad boys. What exactly does an Indian do to get kicked out of the military?

I had a puff of marijuana. you had a puff of marijuana. yeah, I had a little bit of marijuana. more than a puff, more than a puff, yeah.

Why'd you say a puff? I don't know. I'm nervous and I'm excited.

Yeah, it's adorable. it's an adorable answer. How old are you, Anthony? I'm 30..

30 years old and how long you been doing standup? Eight years? okay. how much have you been here in Austin?

About two months, two months, yeah, where'd you move from? I was in, like, the Orlando area, for a while.

What were you doing in the Orlando area? Well, I was stationed in Cape Canaveral before I moved here, so Orlando was like the closest big city. All right, yeah, and you talked a lot about abortion.

I did, yeah, yeah, a lot, a lot. All the trimesters you talked about abortion, yeah, all of them, yeah. What is Indian culture and abortion?

What are those two things like? What's the crossover there? I don't think it exists. I think they just let, like, if you want an abortion, I think you let nature take over, you know?

Like, in India, you just let, like, a cobra come in or a I don't know.

California What part Bay Area, San Francisco okay, and what convenience stores do your parents own? 7-eleven Dunkin Donuts?

Seriously, what do your parents do for work? My dad does like education consulting, and my mom doesn't do anything, the way you said education. I could hear you're Indian for the first time. Sorry, you want me to turn it up a notch, you want me to.

Yes, you guys do. I knew I was gonna get a laugh if I did that. Of course. Yeah, it's funny. You buried the lead, my friend, yeah.

You're fucking stupid. Yeah, oh, my dad, he works in education. That's what I heard. That's what it sounded like. It was a real switch.

Abortion sounds funnier with that accent. Oh, yeah, oh, they got an abortion. Yeah, like one, two, yeah.

Spot on Indian accent activated. Not bad. Oh, it's pretty good, yeah, right.

See, it's good. What'd you do in the Coast Guard if I could ask, Did you ships? But what I worked on boats I did, like navigation stuff.

I was on a gun crew, so you're stoned, just trying to guide ships. Yeah, good thing we haven't been at war for a while.

Yeah, the ships are docked, they're docked. Okay, what's the most Indian thing about your Indian father? What's the most Indian thing about my Indian father? yeah.

Other than the fact that he's Indian.

Does he do something? Super Indian? I don't know. My dad came here when he was like 18 and became very, very Indian. You ever walk in and he's like floating in the living room on a carpet. That'd be crazy.

Like, meditating or something. You're like, Dad, how do you do that? That'd be sick. One day. You will have these powers.

That's great watch. It's gonna be like, I'm not gonna know, it's gonna be Indian Heritage Month or something like that. I'm like, Oh God, here we go, I got your back.

I'll defend you, you're so offensive, how dare you say we talk exactly like that? My dad is very americanized, he came here and he fell in love with America, listened to like classic rock.

How long was he in India? For 18 years, 18 years, but meanwhile, every other word that you said didn't sound Indian.

But you when you said education sounded super Indian. I think it just ingrained in me because my dad used to make me just study so hard. When's the last time you talked to your dad? I don't know, like, a week, maybe, right?

Let me ask you something you think that if we called your father, oh fuck, dude said hello to him for a second, got a barometer of fucking what he kind of sounds like, right? Because you said he's super Americanized, so my guess is that he might not sound that Indian, right?

I don't think so personally, I don't think so, but here's my point, here's what I want to do. I want to get a little a test tube of his fucking natural accent, his American accent.

And then I want you to ask him what field he works in. Okay, because I want to see if his education sounds Indian like yours does. Because I bet the fucking, I bet the genie doesn't fall far from the tree. He probably is not going to say the word education just for that.

He'll just say, consulting. Was he proud that you took all the education, knowledge and went into the coast guard? Fuck, oh, dude, are you serious? He was pretty worried. You know, Indian people come here, they become doctors, engineers.

And I was like, Can we call your dad real quick? You want to call him? Call him? Yeah, let's call him, that's his phone.

Okay, oh, that is my phone. Oh shit, yeah, pick it up, and it's quick. We take it off of them when they come through the back door. What if it's tech support?

You want me to just hold it like that? Yeah, put it on speaker, make sure your volume's all the way up. And here I'll actually, I'll hold the phone and you just listen, see if he could reset my phone.

Don't tell him about the abortion jokes. No, you're here.

I didn't pick up, god damn it. I hope he's okay.

It would have been so funny if the answering machine was like, Hey guys, sorry, I couldn't make it to the phone. Have a big day tomorrow. Working in entertainment.

That's what I was shooting for, but I guess they're not gonna find out today. Does your dad smoke weed? Sorry Tony. Yeah, I think he does now, right.

When you say now, you mean you think he started long after you left the house and joined the military. You don't think he was smoking the whole time? I think he probably did when he was a teenager, and then started once I left the house again.

Why are you saying it like, it's a punch? I don't know, dude, I'm not sure, I don't know. I really don't know. Damn, we have so much to talk to this guy about.

Something shady, my dad is shady my dad. Uh, you're not telling us everything.

Look, man, I got fuckin'.

So you got kicked out of the coast Guard, but was it just for weed, or did you just weed, honestly, steal a missile?

I'm a good guy, Hey guys, I'm a good person. I just like, fuckin smoked weed, right? Hello America.

Okay, you're starting to sound like a terrorist, all right, Tony? Make a note of his name and let's keep a track of this guy, Anthony.

Did you get a little joke book last time you were on? I got the big one last time. Okay, well, there you go. Here's a little one. Oh, thank you.

There you go, Anthony Popoli. Everybody, thank you so much.

All right.

On we go. Your next bucket pull goes by the name of Michael White, everybody, Michael White. You guys having fun out there, huh?

It is Michael White.

What's up ATX? I'm from Corpus Christi, the city of Salinas. I live two hours away from Mexico. So my white privilege doesn't activate until I enter Hays County. And there's not a lot of Black people in my city. For the police to harass. So I'm like the substitute teacher.

I lived in the streets for five years because my stepdad didn't like me. Wigger Oppression is real. I got my first car when I was 21. So after sleeping at bus stops and couch hopping in the projects for four years, I was able to live in my car until I got my own apartment. When I didn't have a car, or when my car isn't working, I run errands on foot.

If I walk far enough, CCPD will run up illegally, search me and check me for warrants. And they always say it's because you match a description. So if you ever see anyone who still wears tall tees with a do-rag on top of his hat, call crime stoppers. They've been looking for that dude since I was 16 years old.

I fucking love it. MICHAEL WHITE Hell yeah, this is like, year eight mile right now, dude. Somebody just told me that on TikTok.

Yeah, I love it. When I was live outside, you only had one shot and let me tell you you did not miss your chance to blow.

That's a good eight mile reference right there.

Okay, so let's just jump right into it. What the fuck I love it. Where are you from?

Okay, I'm not gonna corpus Christi. Okay, corpus Christi, yeah. The city of Selena.

All right, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've been there, the lady that Cardi B is trying to be like, Oh shit.

Don't start any wars here, my friend, we got no beef here. Sorry Cardi, all right, so let's talk about it, Michael.

So much, by the way, I literally am so excited about this, I don't even know where to begin.

So are you aware that you have a scream mask tucked into some type of sideways baseball cap or something like that? Do you know what you're dressed like right now? Oh yeah, laundry day, I had to wear your mama's muscle shirt. Strong ass, bitch.

I love you. Have you done standup comedy before? I've actually, I've been a performer since I was 13, as a musician and a battle rapper. But I always been funny in my raps and people always leave comments on my rap battles saying you're not a rapper, you're a standup comedian.

And it took me, like forever, to swallow my pride and start doing standup comedy. Because I felt like they were discrediting people, were discrediting my rap skills, and I would discredit myself too. If I fell into them and just started doing it, but I was like, fuck it, whatever, they were right.

I love it. So how many times, how often have you tried standup? Then? I just started, like a year and a half ago, that's when I started doing it.

And you're doing a lot of it in Corpus. Christi. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I upload it to my TikTok and shit. I'm one of those type of comedians. I don't repeat, I don't go to open mics and repeat the same shit. Every week I record it, upload it, and then I come up with a new one, upload it.

So you just have a ton of really bad shit, you have a ton of shitty content, so this was you. If you make me a regular, I'll always have something new. Well, no, stop it.

Yeah, okay, crazy people trying to sabotage. fucking do it, you haters.

I love it, man. Okay, now, is this your look? if I could ask, is this kind of your style? or is this just for tonight?

Look around, Does anybody else look like me? No, it is a completely different style. Okay, this is my style. Yeah, I claim it is that Wayne Bryant right here on the Kill Tony Show. It's trademarked.

So Drake can't steal this shit. You think Drake has been stealing some of your swagger style? Oh man, he put hair clips on his head, man, I used to put hair clips on my fucking head. Now I can't do it no more.

You can't because Drake did it. Yeah, I call them puto clips, I used to put them on because I'm a puto. My acronym is players undermining their ops, puto power.

You say you swallow a lot of pride, right? You swallow a lot of pride, yo yo, you swallow pride. Oh shit. The manic episode is beginning right in front of us. This is crazy.

I'm having flashbacks. His clothes are so loose you can't tell if he swallowed it. It is unbelievable. Who knows this time? Next week, Drake might be dressed like Rick Moranis? Shrunk him. This is incredible.

I do think the cops are doing the right thing, yeah.

You do fit a description. Let me ask you this, Michael White, what do you do for work? All right, so I'm one of the most known artists in my city, so I used my rap fame to start a spaghetti delivering service out of my kitchen.

Because my ex-girlfriend from Italy taught me how to make the best spaghetti.

You know what I'm saying? She taught me how to make the best. That's his opener, he needs that to be the opener. Like a delivery app, I'm the spaghetti plug in my city.

Nah, Facebook is the app.

No, but here's the thing though. I only do it when I need to pay a bill and when I don't need to pay a bill. I spend my time on my career. That's why I'm always broke, begging my TikTok for money to eat. Okay, hold on, stick with me here, stick with me here.

So when you need some money, are you joking or are you serious? You make a bunch of spaghetti and people pay you for it around. Corpus ChristI Yeah, hey man, we love food. I almost made it through that whole thing without laughing.

We love Food in Corpus gives him a CD and a bowl of spaghetti. We love Food in Corpus out of his trunk that he sleeps in. Bro, you know how easy it is to sell food in corpus.

Everybody sells food, tell us about it.

I say, Oh man, while I'm cooking, I meet my quota, like, I'm right there, messaging all my cousins while I'm cooking. So how much spaghetti are we talking about? You sell it in? what kind of containers are you putting? My quota is 14 plates in a night.

So how do you which is $10 a plate, $5 a gas delivery? Hold on, hold on Michael, stick with me over here, Michael, over here, Michael, Michael over here.

Stick with me here, okay, what do you put the spaghetti on when you deliver it to people? is it a plate with tin foil? is it a gladlock container, to-go boxes?

Oh, like styrofoam folding to-go boxes, so you invested in the styrofoam boxes? So the most you do is 14, or the minimum you do is 14. Yeah, I do about 14, that's what I do.

But you could do more. That's kind of like, you know the word, you know, because my re-up costs like 55 bucks. It's like one of my favorite interviews ever. For some reason, you making more money than selling a 50 pack of coke.

You know what I'm saying? So okay, hold on. This was my next question. How much are you selling each container of spaghetti for? It's $10 each.

And then $5, $5 for the gas fee. So you make $140 a night. Working very hard making and delivering this spaghetti. And meanwhile, you were talking about it like you're cooking coke, like you're scarface, you're making all the money. The re-up is $55..

So the rest is profit, the biscuit, What did you say, biscuit? I said. The re-up is $55, and the rest of it is profit.

Oh, the rest of it, the rest of it, yeah, the rest of it sounds like biscuit. Do people come to your house for the plate? You go out there in the world and just I deliver it.

You just go out there and shine. The way you say that you deliver makes me think that your house might not be the greatest conditions for somebody to come eat spaghetti at. Can you describe your place for us? Is it a studio? It's like an efficiency size, you know?

But here's the thing you know, it's a-.

That's not Amore by Dean Martin. Welcome, hey, come on in, it's Michael Weitzel.

Don't judge a man. Everything bigger than Texas.

I honestly want to try this fucking spaghetti. Let me ask you this, Can you give us an example of how you make it? Well? My ex from Italy, she taught me how to make it, I know, but what do you remember?

I'm not finna tell the whole world my recipe.

Leave a couple key ingredients out. Give us the backbone of your sauce. I don't know how to do that without snitching on myself. Come on, dude, it's fucking tomato sauce. Go ahead, give us a little, just start rattling off your quantities.

No one's here to steal your spaghetti recipe. Okay, well, the basics is tomato sauce, hamburger, meat.

And then the rest is me making it live.

I'm gonna fucking die here. Wait, wait. why'd your ex leave you? Why would she leave you? Why would your fucking ex leave a guy making spaghetti? Is she a waitress?

No, I left her, man. she was crazy. Yeah, man. I got two scars on my face because of her. Yeah, what did she do? She forked you?

Making spaghetti? You know how women are, man, they don't know how to lose a conversation.

What'd she do to your face, man? She was whenever we'd be talking and if I happened to be winning.

Just nails come out of nowhere. Ah, ah ah. Did she have to call you chef?

Unbelievable.

Okay, but seriously, though, you said tomato sauce and hamburger. Tony, why do you look like you've seen the star spangled banner, the old version? I don't know why I look like that, why, I don't know, but I feel like if I wanted you to suck my dick, you wouldn't do it because you're racist.

Holy shit, that is. There's a lot to unpack in such a short use, the good economy of words there. I don't know which part to figure out. First, he confused you with food talk. Yeah, yeah.

He's angry, unbelievable. It was a slow burn. I'm sorry, I'm hangry. I need some spaghetti. How much spaghetti do you eat?

Is that pretty much your whole thing? Like I said, I only do it when I need to pay a bill, when I don't need to pay bills. I focus on my career as an entertainer. That's why I'm always broke. You should make 15 plates and keep one for yourself.

And I beg my TikTok for money to feed me. You are such a fucking interesting person to me. But I do wanna hear some of this rapping before you leave. What kind of? Tell them what kind of beat you want, or whatever. Look at Michael All right, I'll do my song, my ADHD, make the beat like this.

Boom boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

I don't smoke a drink, but I don't be knocking people that do. I'm just saying, Whee, my ADHD is all I need. Look at me, my ADHD, my ADHD is all I need. I don't smoke a drink, but I don't be knocking people that do. I'm just saying, Whee, my ADHD is all I need.

Look at me, my ADHD, my ADHD is all I need. Gettin ready to hit the club with my partner so they can get they drink on. And I'm the designated driver, so I gotta get my think on. I ain't even trippin, though I won't even be drinkin bro.

I just love Spittin flows, makin money and hittin. I'm a sober motherfucker, but I be actin like I'm on it. Got my ADHD on full speed. Supersonic. Hand me an unsweet tea so I can have my own sugar. Go live in the paint, bouncin off the wall like Aruga bullet ricochet like TMz.

Hold up, man, now everybody in the club thinkin I'm on Xo, but it's just me off of the street. I'm naturally dead. So well, maybe. My mama had me takin Ritalin since I was five, till I was old enough to not take it no more, now I'm allowed to be five.

Now I'm allowed to go live and live in my childhood one more time. Like, wait, oh, I'ma go and put it down like a millionaire, uh, like slim thug. I don't smoke or drink, but I don't mean I compete with it. Do what I'm just sayin wee, my ADHD is all I need. look at me, my ADHD, my ADHD is all I need. Alright, wow, that's actually fuckin pretty, goddamn interesting.

But I wanna be a stand-up comedian, so.

No, it's not gonna work out, buddy, but you're a hell of an interview and, uh, that was fantastic. You're set absolutely god-awful.

Let there be no question, however, I find you so entertaining, you still get a big, uh joke book and a big gel blaster. So there he goes, Michael White, everybody.

The Kiltony debut of Michael White, proof that anybody can fuckin get pulled out of the bucket. We have very low standards here on Kilton. That turned around, man, literally, the people that walked the line of absolute. Anything can happen. But the recipe not bad, simple it's basically sauce, hamburger, meat and magic.

Like, what hamburger meat? I love the words. The words hamburger meat say so much about what that sauce has to be like. I didn't call it beef, specifically hamburger meat. He knows what works, man. You never know what we'll find out of the bucket.

We once found this guy out of the bucket, now he's a goddamn superstar, one of our best regulars ever. Make some noise for the great Cam Patterson Cam Patterson.

A.

T.

And that nigga dead dawg, I killed him. he dead as hell, man. Alright, let's get into the joke.

And we was in the ocean and I thought he wanted to fuck me, so I was scared. And he just kept saying, nice shit. Like, Oh, you look so good in that wet suit, you like a real good swimmer. I'm like, you trying to fuck me, sir. This is terrifying. And then at one point, we seen, like, this beautiful ass sunset.

The sunset was beautiful. Dawg like, it was nice. And then I looked at him, he looked at me and then we kissed. Nah, I'm playing, listen.

I saw that beautiful ass sunset, bro. I'm like, damn, but this shit is beautiful. And he looked at me and was like, it is beautiful. It kind of looked like heaven, and I was like, Yeah, it do, and he went, if heaven was a real thing.

And I got scared because I don't want to be in the ocean with no atheists because that's crazy. You don't even believe in miracles. Bitch, that's insane. Like, I'm dying and I'm like, Oh, God help me, nobody's coming to save you, nigga. nobody's gonna save you, all right, that's my time.

Fuck yeah, Cam Patterson. The new minute, 22 seconds for real. Oh the durag. shit that nigga. I like that nigga man he cool, that was. I probably got hepatitis or something now with this goddamn durag on my head, worth it for that laugh.

Worth it for that laugh, my friend. That was very surprising, especially since he thought Drake was going to steal from him. It took a matter of seconds for Cam Patterson. Of all people. Give me a durag nigga. I don't know. I don't think that's a that's a don't rag. That's what that is. This shit not safe. I'll tell you that, man, it's a brown spot on it.

That is something wild, that's like an old pilgrim thing or some shit.

So wild, Did you really learn how to surf? Yeah, I did. Hell yeah, I went surfing in Malibu for the cam and the white shit. Okay, wow, that shit was dope. I got up on the board, I stood up and shit that nigga really was. I think that nigga was trying to fuck me. That was pretty scary. Hell yeah, interesting. And you were able to stand up on the board on the wave.

Yeah, I'm like, athletic as fuck, dog, I can really do almost anything. You know what I'm saying, How were you when you didn't have a surfboard to hold on to? What you mean?

Like, you're swimming out there. Well, I drowned four times, but on the surfboard, nigga, I was fine.

Helping you like, get on the thing and stuff, nah. But he was saying, like, weird shit. He was like, you look great in that wetsuit and my ass was out. I was like, Nigga, it's not, it's a bodysuit, Nigga. Leave me alone bro. This is scary. That's terrifying, dog.

That's the shit I say to a bad bitch. But it was a wetsuit. it wasn't just you, right? Nah, it wasn't just the wetsuit. Hell yeah, I'm confused.

Now they laughing, I'm very confused what just happened.

They laughing, I'm like, Wait a minute, what do you mean?

What else is going on in your world? Cam? Oh, we just did new shows in Florida, that was epic. Massive, massive venues in Florida with a lot of your family. Yeah, a lot of my family came, my best friend came, my brother came. I got to meet one of your real best friends from the streets.

I mean, full on ankle bracelet probation, I mean, straight up. He was sometimes just taking off and running when he saw the security people at the theater, they with us, they with us. Alright, that's cool, yeah, but it was fun. Tell us about it, anything else?

It was cool. Nah, I mean, that was it. We hung out a lot. You know what I'm saying, Was his dad there? Oh, of course, his dad was there. Did you talk about the spelling thing from a couple episodes ago?

Oh, you know what? We didn't get a chance to. We were so busy, there was so much going on. He, actually, his dad, had soul food waiting for us. You missed out, man. We had a good dinner with my uncle. I understand how you guys ate more.

After that, we had a whole dinner. Nigga, that shit was crazy, we were waiting on you. They didn't want to start eating until you got there. I told them to eat without me. There, the UFC was starting.

I couldn't eat a second dinner in three hours with a bunch of Black people.

Bunch of surfers, man, yeah, you know, those big surfing athletic types. If y'all want to cancel Tony, my family love that nigga man. where the camera at? they love Tony Nigga. Hell yeah, absolutely. I did feel bad missing the fucking thing, but two kill Tony fans were fighting at main events in the UFC this past weekend. Hell yeah.

Unfortunately, it did not turn out so well.

Thank you Cam, you're the man, rock and roll. fuck yeah Cam. Patterson Alright, you guys having fun out there. How many of you like it when people do good on this show? How many of you like it when people do bad on this show?

Wow, Ruthless. Make some noise for your next comedian out of the bucket. Justin Landers, Everybody, Justin Landers.

How's everybody doing tonight?

You know, my wife, she makes and sells a lot of miniatures, so we got boxes of these things around the house. And the other day I was off digging in one and I found this little bitty lone Ranger mask. And immediately I thought, we're taking this in the bedroom, we're going to do some role playing. And at first, I thought I'd just strap it on my dick and call him the armless bandit. He just runs around stealing the pussy. But instead, I put it on my wife's vagina. And I'll be damned if that thing didn't look like the Hamburglar.

So I shoved a French fry in it and now she won't role play anymore.

Now, when I told my wife that joke, she goes, you better not tell that shit on stage and I go, why not? she goes? Because I don't want a bunch of people thinking my pussy looks like a hamburger, I thought, Well, they all kind of look like hamburgers. Some of them are double meat with lip lettuce.

I tell you what I'll take mine with no pickles, she goes. I'll tell you what you can take your no pickles and go fuck yourself. My name is Justin Landers. Thank you all for playing along. Alright Justin Landers with a minute, fuck yeah, Hello Justin. How long have you been doing stand-up?

A year where? At what trailer park exactly are you doing stand-up at?

Washington State's where I started, Washington State, out there in the fucking real country, the Greenlands, Euphrata, Euphrata. No, we were from Centralia, Centralia. Fuck yeah, how big were the audiences that you were performing? It's the wooster of the north.

They were probably 30, 40 people, 30 or 40 people. I love it. And was that the type of material you were doing, talking about the miniatures and what not?

What is it exactly like? a miniature collective item? No, like miniatures like Dollhouse. Yeah, talk right into the tip of that, there we go.

She makes, like, dollhouse furniture, food for dollhouses, so we just got these boxes of miniatures. Alright, and you're still up there in the country of Washington? No, we live in Bastrop now. Okay, what are you doing for work?

I'm a welder fabricator. Okay, hell yeah, with miniatures or bigger houses.

Because if they're small, no, you gotta go bigger. Just let your wife know that's where the money is. That's just soldering when it's that small, so you're out there welding, what else about you?

What do you do for fun? Well, anymore, I haul my son around to rodeos, he rides bulls. I did that for about 15 years. How old's your son? 16?

And how long did you ride bulls for? I rode bulls for about 15 years. Wow, look at that, anything crazy, big ones or little.

Then you just fall off out of boredom. We're going to the no-deo, alright.

What are your goals with stand-up comedy? What do you think is going on here? What do you see yourself doing well? I started because I was 46, my son, he's 16, he's got a couple more years of school. And I was wondering what the hell I was going to do with myself.

I wrote a few jokes and started hitting some open mics. It worked out a little bit. I started opening a few shows, got about 8 minutes worth of material that's pretty solid. That's about where I'm at.

I love that. How's the crystal meth blab going?

Have you ever tried it? What's the most hillbilly thing about you? Because I know what people from eastern Washington are like. We have some friends, the great and powerful Davey Wester, who has cerebral palsy and always has a big lip of tobacco. And it's leaking out of his face. How are you?

He's one of the paid regulars at the comedy store and I can see a little bit of him in you. Maybe it was a grandfather or someone really close in your genealogy fucked a family member. That's what they do there. Tell the people that I'm not making this up, that is what it's like.

It's basically, as you can tell, Billy Bomb Thornton here looks like one of the fucking half a devil's reject, looks like the purgatory reject, or something like that. So what's something white trash about you? something white trash about me? Well, I've lived in trailer parks. I sound like this.

That's one of the big ones, for sure. I've been poor and broke most of my life, so there you go, Hell yeah, I love it. What do you do for fun when you're not doing stand-up? Not since your rodeo days are behind you?

Oh, anymore, I just hang out with my wife and my kids mostly. How long have you been with your wife? 17 years? How do you stay erect while fucking her? After 17 years? Is there something you imagine?

Is there something about her that drives you crazy? Nah, she still works for me, she's all good, she works for you. So the roleplay that was just something you were trying.

Yeah, that wasn't. Well, I've seen the mask, it'd do something. Are you ever so sick of fucking your wife that you use the welder's mask when you're fucking her? No, but I've put on a pair of chaps before. Whoa, hey, that's a normal Wednesday night for me.

You know what I mean, dude? You might get some more noises out of her if you brought a blowtorch into the bedroom, yeah.

That's a big Washington angle. Yeah, oh, here she is right now, his lovely wife there she is, alright.

JUSTIN Well, hell yeah, we have another one, right? I feel like there's something more, though, I feel like there's something I'm missing about you here.

You ever almost die or save anybody's life or anything like that. Yeah, I've almost died several times. Yeah, let's hear about some of those. That's what I'm kind of wanting. They were all bull riding stuff.

I got jerked down so hard one time when a bull hit me on the end of the chin, the back of my head slapped the middle of my back. Hold on, I'm hard as a rock right now. You have to slow down. You almost made me cum in my pants just then. I'm sorry because on this show I'm gay everybody.

You remind me of me if I did something really bad once.

You look like I could have gone that angle. Yup, a hundred percent. That was you trying crystal meth one time?

Parks and rec, or meth?

Parks and rec, or parks and meth, meth and a park. You ever do a crazy drug? You seem like you maybe have skipped the hard stuff and just gone straight to sniffing, like a normally legal substance. I've tried a little bit of everything, but anymore, I narrow it down to hallucinogens and weed. Like everybody else, I've got a lot of fans out there.

I love it. So is glue involved with miniatures? Miniatures? no glue? No, not with me. You ever tell Elmer's, or just Elmer a neighbor?

Just testers, model glue, rubber, cement. Not for me. Keyboard cleaner, computer keyboard cleaner. These are all really white trash drugs you're throwing at me, huh? I don't know what led us to even go down that road.

Fentanyl You ever do any fentanyl? no, you ever drink water.

Seem like you're like Strictly Mountain Dew or something like. That is the energy that I'm like. Is your boy winning? Does he do good out there? Yeah, he does, alright, do you?

Take a piece of it, take a piece of the money, piece of the belt. buckle. Yeah, I got one of his buckles. Oh shit, wow, look at that. That was the moment where I came in my pants.

Everybody alright, Justin fun times. Here's a little joke book. Thank you Justin Landers, everybody. You gave him the miniature. Yeah, he's getting a miniature, Kirk said. A miniature joke book.

Alright, this looks like a new name. Let's see what happens here. Make some noise for Frank Awosika, Frank awosika or awosika.

Yeah, so when I was younger, I used to have a lot of trouble talking to pretty girls to my uncle, he told me. They're just living, breathing, shitting human beings, just like you. But now, every time I talk to a woman, I picture them taking a shit.

Why do y'all eat so much corn?

If you couldn't tell by that ass joke, I am a virgin.

Yep, vaginas have a long history of ducking me. I was a C-section.

Yeah, I joke about it now, but I'll tell you what that one hurts me the most. I was trying to get into that pussy for like, nine months.

All that and the doctor just cock-blocked me, bro. He pulled me out of there and he was like, I was like, Man, what the heck he was like, Man, I had to get you out of there. Your head is huge and she's been pushing for like, 72 hours and there's corn all over my operating table.

Okay, Frank Awosika.

By far one of the funniest floating pink hats we've ever had on this show before.

Absolutely incredible. I've never seen a pink hat do an entire 60 second set like that before. That was amazing.

Frank, Welcome, how long you been doing stand-up a few years now? Okay? Where at? mostly here in Austin, is this where you were born and raised?

No, I was born and raised in Houston, Texas, Houston, Texas.

Yes and no. Can you give us an explanation on exactly what you mean? Okay, at the time of writing the joke, whenever people ask me that question, I kind of sideways it, right? Because the term virgin is a social construct.

I guess you could say, so whenever you guys ask me about it, you're talking about, like, Oh, has he been in some Punani? But whenever I say I'm a virgin, I'm talking about alcohol, like, I don't drink alcohol, wait, what, I'm a virgin to alcohol.

At least when I wrote that joke, Wait, what, what the fuck just happened? Yeah, that's crazy. You admitted to a totally different thing that had nothing to do with the C-section.

Ugh, so have you been inside of a woman or a man or anything before? Are you a virgin? These are real, personal questions you're asking me. Tony. Hell yeah, comedy's personal man signed up for, but you're in it. It's not all corn and games, exactly.

This is the real deal. I mean, you mentioned it, you talked about it during your set. So I'm just going back to try to figure out what else we could talk about. I've been in some pussy. Yeah, hell yeah, how old are you?

I'm 26 26 years old. What do you do for work?

I fuck pussy.

Well, there's many twists and turns. I've recently had a change of occupations and right now my main source of income is poker. Poker, okay, but it's also my main source of debt. What are we talking about? how much do you spend? or how many hours do you spend playing poker?

Too much, too much, maybe like.

Seven, eight hours a day, a day, so you're online most of the time, right? So wow, even talking to him, he doesn't want to tell you what he has. Yeah, I don't like to give out personal information. You're keeping your cards very close to your chest, that's good for comedy. You're going to go places.

Hold it all in and make up shit, make him guess, make him figure out my joke on the river, yeah.

I love it. So tell us more about you. What can you talk about? Frank Awosika? What do you do for fun? Tell us more about Frank?

I like to play, What do I like to do for fun?

Last time you asked me this question, right? You've been on this show before. Oh, you have a big joke book. Wow, how do I not remember you?

What's under the pink hat? He won that in a poker game. I like to play basketball.

What?

I like to play basketball, why'd you look at your? He wrote it down to remember that. let me see what I like to play.

Basketball I am a basketball player, my friend.

Frank, you're an interesting character I try to be. I asked you what you do, but I feel like we got off track. You switched occupations. What is it now?

Poker and what was it then? I didn't switch, I got into at my last job, I got into a bit of an altercation.

Tell us about that.

Alright, so it's a not that serious, it's a wee bit. Just tell us the story, we'll decide if it's serious. What happened? Where were you at? What kind of job was this?

I'm waiting these tables. A middle aged woman comes in, she has short hair, a business suit. Karen You can say that she looks kind of like Jamie Lee Curtis, but imagine she always had a rock in her shoe.

Yeah, she comes in and she.

Everything's alright, right? She's wearing a suit, I'm like, alright, you can have a seat and everything's normal. It's business casual and she orders a lobster. And great choice. Because the tip on that is like eight dollars at the time, so you know, I'm already liking her, the tip on that is like eight dollars.

And then, okay, long story short, I get her the food.

Why's that funny? Never thought I'd miss Miniature.

Not even ten minutes goes by. And then she's like, Excuse me, I have to go. She's like, I'd like to check. And I was like, Oh, I hope everything's okay. She's like, Yeah, no, I just have to get out of here. Damn it, yeah, keep going.

So.

She's like, Yeah, no, I just have to get out of here. And I was like, Okay, well, I can get you a doggy bag? She's like, No, no, no, it's okay, I'm not gonna finish it. You call it a doggy bag or a to-go box doggy bag.

Alright, you're going down treacherous territories here. Go ahead and she goes, No, no, no, it's okay. I would just like to check. Um, so I slapped her across the face.

Really, I said, you gotta get your shit together, Sharon. You can't be wasting all this food. There's starving kids in Africa.

Okay, so you're like joking right now? Yeah, I'm joking, okay, so what really happened? I was not a waiter, I worked at a. Oh God, alright, there he goes. FRaNK AwosiKa Everybody.

Not his best night. Hell yeah, it's all good, it happens to everybody. Frank Awosika Everybody there. he goes. absolutely there goes Frank, everyone.

Yikes, maybe it's low blood sugar, these people tend to get diabetes and whatnot, so it could be anything. Let's not judge a book by it's cover. I feel like I just got diabetes.

It could be a medical event or something like that. Could you imagine playing poker with him? Everyone would just fold. It's so easy. If you're in the interview part of this show, all you have to do is answer the questions honestly, and you can end up looking good.

Yikes, whatever, that was alright. Make some noise for your next bucket pull. You guys said you like it when people do bad, so I don't feel bad for you guys at all. Your next bucket pull. Anything can happen. This looks like a new name.

One word name we love. Those make some noise for Chen, everybody, let's see what happens with Chen.

The Kiltony debut I do believe of Chen, it is indeed Chen, everybody.

Come on, make some noise for Chen, everyone.

Hello, hello, so uh, Christmas is upon us, it's a season for gifts, and, uh, well, Jesus too, right? And so and so you have to think about the different kind of gifts that we get.

Well, the one gift that always irked me was something like the gift of life. Because the person who mentions it usually follows it up with, like, what you owe them, you know, when you go to church, they talk about the gift of life. When you go visit your mom, she's like, I gave you the gift of life, so you owe me. But the thing with these kind of gifts is like, I didn't ask for it, I'm just giving it. And by the time I'm already here, it's already too late, so I don't know.

So gifts are these kind of things.

Okay, Chen, everybody, absolutely alright. let's talk about it. Chen. Fuck yeah, I love it. Uh, you are a uh, are you an Asian woman? What's going on here exactly?

I don't know exactly, I don't know what they are right now. Oh man, what's going on, Chen? I'm just kidding, How are you?

Are you okay? Is this your first time doing stand-up? No, I actually. well, first time doing stand-up, but this is not my first mic, right? And about the previous question. I'm actually trans, but the thing is, I'm not like one of those that force people to call me like pronouns, because I think that's just wrong. Which direction are you going in trans?

I don't even know where you started and where you're going. I don't know if that's a rude question. Quite honestly, this is pale Tony and I can say whatever I want, so I have no regrets here. But I really have no idea it could go either way. The pronoun now would be a crapshoot, right?

I'm actually going from male to female, okay, male to female. Beautiful, beautiful. I love it. It's stunning. No, it's great. you're very pretty.

Well, you're on the right track. Red Band is two shots of tequila away from fucking this shit up.

I mean, the beer goggles are really helping around this scene. Actually, I love it, so Chen, that's great. This is all good to find out. I love it.

So when did you realize that you were a woman or feel like you were a woman? When did that start? How old are you right now? I'm 32 actually.

So when does it start for you? When I was young? Well, it's not so okay. Okay. This is one of those really weird ones, because when you look at people who became trans a lot of times, it's people who.

Strongly want to be a woman when they first started out, but I'm not like that. It's more like, first of all. I'm okay with being a boy, but I don't want to be a man. You're okay with being a boy, but you don't want to be a man. Yes, are you sure you're on the right track? Well, and also I don't have the desire to dominate things.

Either, in fact, I'm actually submissive, but that's another topic. Ooh, Red band. Look how excited Red Band is.

And well, and I also like cute and soft things, you like what I like cute and soft things too. I'm right here, hell yeah. And I think we're all about as soft as it gets right now.

And personally, you're close enough. Well, thank you. That means a lot to me. So what's what are we at here?

You thinking about turning your egg roll into a rice bowl? What's going on here? what are we talking about? Let's get into. Well, look, the first time I came to kill Tony was September 4th, actually of this year of this year. Yes, you were on the show.

No, I was in the audience. Oh, I was gonna say, your transition's going really well because I do not remember you at all.

September 4th you were in the audience, yes, and it captivated me. And I'm here for the violence, so don't go easy on me. Okay, alright, I was told this before by a former opener in Dallas. You're a passive who watches it hard, and I'm also submissive, and I like paying, so, you know.

Okay, back to submissive. You're really pushing this, you're basically using the show as a dating app right now. I love it. So you started your set with Hello, hello. Is that a trademark, do you think?

Moving forward, well, not yet, but if it is something that I'm subconsciously doing, I might as well make it okay. Now you're wearing a Dungeons Dragons hoodie, so let's just jump right into that. Are you a pro player? actually? No.

Someone's very upset about that. They had very high expectations for your Dungeons Dragons. However, I do play Dungeons Dragons online, and I also play the Folders game. You also play a little Dungeons Fagons. You know what I'm saying?

I can promise you dungeons, but not so much dragons, right? I bet there is indeed the old brown dungeon over there. Very submissive. If you will, I'd love to see your avatar. What are you a cleric? or what are you? I'm actually a druid.

Oh, I read all about it, so yeah, you got quirky spells. I like nature things, but I mix in fire and holy at the same time. Wow, I mean, I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. It's unbelievable, very interesting. Do you also play magic? The gathering?

Actually, that one I do. Yes. Wow, we are shocked. Wow, I do believe the crowd goes wild in absolute shock and horror. Nobody saw it coming. You do.

Actually, Tony, I do. I love the dramatic pause there. Wow, tell us more, rattle off, some more nerd things about you. It's very interesting. Well, I play World of Warcraft with my friends. Oh my God, hit it again.

Alright, believe it or not, I'm actually born from Wuhan, which is unfortunate. Wow, and I think you're going to end up in a laboratory. I saw that, I saw that I could tell I spent a month there.

There's many things to talk about, but oh, we have time. Yeah, no, we do. You're going to have an extra long interview here, no doubt about it. Very compelling story. So tell us more about this transitioning adventure.

What are some things you do to be more if you're becoming more ladylike, or some goals for you, or whatever? Are you basically just saying anyone can fuck you at any time in your asshole? Well, I am bi, so you know, how often do you hook up with women? Do you consider that a lesbian relationship?

Do you have them? Eat out where your balls are? I don't know. These are my questions. Welcome to Texas. This is figuring out trans in Texas.

So Tony trans Texas, Tony triple t.

Actually, I've only been with one woman before, one women. I like how you used plural there. I don't believe you. I've only been with one women. Did it identify as multiple women? No, she was an exchange student.

You really are a god damn American. Look at that, pounding out. An exchange student. She got her citizenship and I guess I wasn't as successful as she wanted, so it didn't work out. That makes sense. So you put your wiener in her pee pee hole? No, she's a girl, right? But I'm saying you put your penis in her vagina.

Used to? Yeah, I've already forgotten what direction you're going, in. which way is the transition you used to? But now you don't? Why don't you? You can't?

I don't think having sex with your wife's ex-wife's vagina is part of the alimony. So it was your wife, she was my wife at one point. We're figuring out a riddle while doing an interview at the same time. Well, Tony, the reason why I don't put the penis in the vagina is because it's my ex-wife.

Oh, look, who's back, famous homophobe? Just in time for your worst nightmare. D We've been missing your scoffs and earplugs for minutes. You're gonna love this one. D. I'm excited. Let's just say we got a she-madness trying to turn into a he-madness or some shit like that the other way. But yes, have you practiced your woman voice yet?

I actually looked into it today. How many of you want to hear a little bit of, uh?

Alright, here she is, Chen, everybody.

I was doing laundry the other day and I'm like, Oh, this so much fun, cause I'm a lady.

No, no, no, it's fine. It's pretty funny.

I was born with a dog. I am a woman ladylike, I'm a druid. I'm trying to tony my women voice only right now. My women voice only comes out when I have sex, so.

So I can't really. Michael, shove your helmet up his ass. Guess what I came back for? D-Madness is officially freaking out, that's if you're wondering.

He doesn't have a mic on, so I'll keep you guys posted.

You might still be.

Okay, so, Chen, so your lady voice only happens when you're having sex? Yes, unfortunately, but what else is happening? What are some things you do where you?