#2155 - Brian Redban
2024-05-23 02:31:56
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
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And we're out, hey fella.
Hey Buddy.
What's crack-a-lackin'?
Nothin'.
Have you been fuckin around with the Chad GPT? I saw you brought it.
Yeah, I got the, I just got the 4.
0, the one that they've been showing where you can talk to it naturally and stuff.
Duncan had it in the green room, we were talkin shit to it, yeah, about it replacing us.
Yeah, it's pretty crazy, you know? Yeah, like, it's weird how AI came out of nowhere. And then we're like, how long has this been, you know, being worked on? And then now it's like everywhere.
Like, my vacuum cleaner has AI now, it's crazy.
What does it do?
It's one of those robot vacs where it scans your whole house and then, like, it detects things using AI. Like, Oh, that's shit, don't run over it.
It's like giving dog shits on the floor, right?
Yeah, and it doesn't do a good job because the first thing it did, it went right over this dog shit and just started smearing dog shit through the whole entire kitchen.
Why is your dog shittin in the kitchen?
Because once in a while, you know, dog shits don't care, they're like, I have to shit, I don't want to bother you.
That's the problem Jamie has with Carl.
Yeah, it's a little dog thing.
You gotta keep an eye on Carl, Carl will just drop a deuce anywhere. Yeah, I think when they're really little, they don't understand outside.
Everything's so big, like, why would I go outside when I got shit right here? I'm nowhere, I don't sleep anywhere near this pile.
Yeah, it's gross, though, having shit smeared all over your floor.
Especially by a super smart AI vacuum cleaner that's so dumb. Yeah, there's all these different things are gonna sync together. Like, that's one of the things that people say about Samsung, like people that are Samsung fanboys. Like, if you have a Samsung refrigerator and a Samsung TV, and a Samsung phone like, you could use your phone to control everything.
Your phone will like, there's. I guess there's refrigerators out there. I don't know exactly where they're at right now because I only saw like, an ad for them. Where your refrigerator will tell you when things are gonna expire.
Right?
So like, Yeah, so if you've got orange juice or something like that, your orange juice is only good for three more days. Like that kind of shit.
Yeah, and that's only if you place that orange juice with the date facing the camera. Probably, you know, yeah, I think that's been out for a while, but it doesn't really work great. There's a few things refrigerators do that have too much technology in them.
What impresses the shit about me and the thing that entices me towards Samsung phones is the AI with notes. That's a big deal to me. The fact that it can record your podcast, for sure. But also you can record a set and it'll transcribe the set. And then put this and then summarize into like different parts. Like this is where you're talking about sucking your own dick, right?
Yeah, this is where you talk about UFOS.
I asked Redman, he didn't see this. Did you see this, Joe? Going around on Twitter? What this feature called recall on Windows?
Your windows what?
Let me play this for you. It's pretty crazy.
We introduce memory, right, photographing memory into what you do on the PC, and now we have it, so it's called recall. It's not keyword search, right?
It's semantic search over all your history, and it's not just about any document. We can recreate moments from the past. Essentially, here's how it works. Windows constantly takes screenshots of what's on your screen, then uses a generative AI model right on the device, along with the NPU to process all that data and make it searchable. Even photos.
I got to try it out. I searched brown leather bag, it came up in visual search. There's no place on this page that it says brown leather bag, it just knows because it sees this brown leather bag.
There could be this reaction from some people that this is pretty creepy. Microsoft is taking screenshots of everything I do. Yeah, I mean, that's why it can only do it on the edge. You have to put two things together. This is my computer.
This is my recall, and it's all being done locally.
Yeah.
Texas is going to ban my recall, they're not going to let me, it's going to be porn.
I don't trust you at all, I don't trust you at all. It's all done locally. Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure there's no way the government's going to have access to every keystroke you make and be able to see.
That's ridiculous.
And it's going to summarize everything you do.
Not only that, it's not that difficult, especially for government organizations, to get into your fucking computer. Are you connected to a secure Wi-Fi, are you even using a VPN? what are you doing? what kind of firewall do you have?
How many people are sophisticated enough to set it up so that you can't look at everything they do?
It's like your friend's phone yesterday or two days ago, that's a straight up virus that he was downloading.
People are saying it's not, people are saying it's just like, if you have your case on improperly, it's pressing two buttons at the same time. Was his phone on the table, Jamie, or was it in his bag?
I do not remember.
I don't remember either, I think. On some of these Android phones, if you're pressing two buttons at the same time, it reboots, so there's a bootloader mode. That's why you can do different things to your phones.
But that bootloader screen does not look like it, it looks so cheap. It was like the arrow that was in it, I was like, I've seen this arrow, that's clip art.
I think it even said, Getty Images on the side of it or something.
And then there's a barcode, why does it have a barcode? What are you buying? This is not for sale? why does it have a barcode?
Right, and how are you going to scan that barcode with the phone that you're holding?
Like, Oh, it's got a barcode, it must be legit.
Right, yeah, that seems so fake.
Look at that, look at all that Chinese writing, too. Let's get the fuck out of here. I guess it's Korean, because it's Samsung. Do not disconnect USB cable during software update.
So it's saying downloading, and it says it in Korean, so it's doing something.
See, that just looks that does not look official.
The thing is, my point was it took a while. And like, what if he broke his leg? like, what if he just fell on his bike and broke his leg? And now, all of a sudden he's got to call for an ambulance. And he's laying there with his fucking shinbone poking out of his calf. And he's got to sit there while his stupid phone does that.
That's why it can't be real.
Can you reboot that? can you stop that? is that possible?
That's what I had circled. It said that you could cancel it.
You can cancel it.
Well, that's why when you posted that video, I texted you. Tell him to hold down the power button and the up arrow like, Reboot your phone, stop doing whatever he's doing.
It was too late by the time you sent me that. I always worry about that with Windows, because Windows will start updating my laptop in the middle of nowhere.
Yeah, that's the worst.
It's like, I'll open the laptop super inspired, ready to write, and it's like, Oh, we have to upload your software. This will take 20 minutes. Like, what?
Yeah.
This is stupid. Give me the option to not do this, like Mac at least will give me the option. It'll say it up in the corner. Do you want to? You know, there's a new update available.
Do you want to update it?
Right, and then it downloads it, then goes, Do you want to do this right now? Yeah, we download it.
We do it later.
With Windows, is that normal? I think it was like an old, I think, really, what's that?
This is a setting that turn off like auto updates or whatever.
Oh, there's a setting on Windows as well. Yeah, oh okay, I must have had it on, just so I don't have to deal with it.
Unless it's an office thing or something you're dealing with, it's not like Windows Update.
No office gives you a tiny notification at the top of a file that'll say a new update's available, but you can click out of that easy.
You just wait, yeah. But the problem is is like, I have automatic updates on Mac and it'll download it and go, Hey, we got this update for you. It won't just like in the middle of doing something, just start like, reboot my laptop.
Yeah, mine just rebooted it like the moment I opened it up, but I hadn't used that laptop in a while, it was just sitting there.
You know what I want to try, I want to try a laptop with. You know, I'm a big keyboard fan. Like, one of the reasons why I write, if I write, I have a home like Mac that I write on. That is, Yeah, those are nice.
The new keyboards? yeah, the MacBook Pro ones.
They're dope. It really is like a MacBook, yeah, so what we're looking at right now is Red Band.
Yeah, skinny, that is.
I know Jamie has one. This is the new iPad, which is insane, this is so it's so insane.
It's like it is as thin as possible, where you could still use a USB-C connector.
And I thought, this was skinny and that's twice.
It's so much your phone, which is super skinny, is so much fatter than this iPad. This iPad is amazing and it has insane battery life too, which is great, and this probably has like two terabytes, right?
Ten hours this is a one terabyte, but you can get up to two terabytes.
Fucking nuts, nuts. But what I really like is the keyboards on ThinkPads, because thinkpads have a longer stroke. And when you're writing with keys like, you have more feedback with the longer keystrokes.
And then you're more accurate with your typing. And it's been proven like when people do, like any words per minute, can you write? They can write more words per minute on keyboards with better feedback.
Like longer keystrokes, but alienware, you know, because a lot of gamers like mechanical keyboards because they have the clicky-clack feel, and it's like, even more accurate. Well, they have a mechanical keyboard now on their laptops, and so I've been thinking about getting one of those.
How thick is that laptop, though?
It's not that thick, so it has long key travel. I think the key travel is 1.8 millimeters, which is like ideal. My old ThinkPad had like 2.2, which was nice long keystrokes.
And you just get real accurate with like, your writing. So for me, like a lot of times I'm writing, I'm stoned. I don't have time to, like, go back and fucking. You know, I want to just get my thought out while it's in my head. And with an IBM, well, you know, Lenovo now, Lenovo ThinkPad. I'm just much more accurate when I'm writing.
I like it, but it sounds, I don't know. After a while, it's like, God, this is so—.
The Mac ones are terrible, the ones on Macbooks. I have a MacBook, it's fucking terrible to write on. It's really short keystrokes, it's a really like flat key.
It's just not good to write on, you can do it. it's definitely better than like writing by hand, right? I type on it all the time, I do write on it all the time.
But it's just when you go over to that thinkpad, you're like, Oh, this is what it's supposed to feel like. Or at home, I have like an ergonomic keyboard that I use on my Mac and that is like the best. It's like, real easy, I'm really accurate.
I don't even have to think I can just write and look at the screen and I just get it right all the time.
Why don't you use voice, though it's so accurate now?
I don't want to be talking in my house.
That's some of the things I write and some of the things I write. I like writing because the thing about writing is like, say, if I'm writing, you know, fucking artificial intelligence, as I'm writing artificial intelligence. It takes longer to write it than it does to think the word. So you're spending more time on each. Instead of just barfing out words like I do when I talk, or sometimes I don't even know what the fuck I'm saying while I'm saying it, when I'm writing and typing, it takes a little longer.
So it makes me think a little more and I have more possibilities open up about where to go with things. So it actually benefits me to slow me down a little. But I still want it to be accurate, I want it to be so slow that I'm fucking with every key. I don't want that.
I want accuracy, but a little slower than talking for writing.
Yeah, my problem is like, I'll just start writing like an idea or a joke or whatever. And then halfway through I'll look up. And I'm like, like, I fucked up some word or it autocorrected something, and it makes everything not make sense. And I've had it like, fuck, like I wrote this whole down and now I don't understand any of it, like just one word spellcheck.
Yeah, that's true. Well, notes are the best for that.
Yeah, audio notes.
And the thing about the phone is you can do it like while you're in the car, you can press like you have Apple CarPlay. You press on the screen and say, make a voice note. And then you could just make a note, or just make a note rather, and it'll make a note for you and leave it in there.
It's great. So there's many times that I've like, at the end of the night, I've done that and then I go back over it. So what I do is I have like a whole folder that's just ideas, so I got this folder.
Yeah, these are just ideas, yeah, and some of them, a lot of them have become bits and some of them. I'm just like, maybe one day I'll have something, and so when I write, yeah.
So when I write, I go back, same thing, I go back and I look at those and I'll see if something comes into my head. I'll say, like, because, you know, when you start writing, you're just staring at that blank screen, like, What am I writing about?
And then I'll just go into the phone and I'll say, What do you got for me? What have I been thinking about? Open borders, open borders, okay?
Yeah, okay, what would it be like if there was no borders? Would that suck? What would it be like if there was more borders?
Would that suck? And then I'll just start writing, you know?
Wouldn't it be cool to take all our notes, put in an AI, and like, combine this into a one story, like a 20-page story, right?
That would be like the perfect new one-hour set. Yeah, the thing about AI, though, is like, you're going to. I've never used AI like GPT to write a joke. But I know people are doing that now. And my thought is I wouldn't feel as good about it when it was done, like.
I don't want it just to be good, I want it to be good and I want it to have come from my head. You know what I'm saying?
It's not, that's the one thing, it's not there yet. It can't write a good joke like all this shit where it's like, Louis C.k or not Louis C.k, but George Carlin and stuff.
That's somebody writing that and just doing it in a George Carlin voice, right, right.
It's not good at writing the jokes yet.
Because I like to, I've experimented, like trying to find like a tag for like a joke already. Like, you know, this is the scenario. And it's still like, dad jokes and laffy taffy bullshit, like, Oh, a cow walks into a bar.
What I think it would be, though. So, like, you know how, like, a lot of really good comics hire writers, and generally the writers aren't even as good a comic as them. But like the way Chris Rock does it, Chris. I haven't talked to him personally. I've heard him talk about it and I've talked to people who work with him. So one of the things he gets accused of unfairly, people say that he has writers who write for him.
Chris Rock writes his own material, what he has is the writers. He bounces the ideas off them, so they come and watch him do the set. And then they say, maybe when you do this, say that first, or maybe expand on this, or I got a tag for that.
And so, but those guys who are doing that aren't as good a comic as him, so sometimes you just need other ideas, right?
Yeah, it's like a green room, that's like a green room. That's what, man, that joke, you should have had this, or –.
That happens, so the green room is amazing for that, there's so many times in the green room that we're all trying to work out a bit. And then, like, Tony will chime in, or Brian will chime in, they're like, Oh, that's it.
And then you figure it out. I mean, we rewrote David Lucas entire fucking act in that green room, but it's that's one thing. So, like, if Chat TPT just gave you like ideas, I just need like a framework sometimes.
I feel like each subject is just a scaffolding, so I get the scaffolding now, once I have the scaffolding. I have to build a house and so, but I have to have a fucking location where I can start building. So the location is the subject, whatever the idea is.
And then I start building, that's how I do it, but I mean, everybody does it different, man, everybody does. Some people have to write it down on paper, like some people, all their stuff, like Colin Quinn's shit is all on paper.
A lot of people, it's just they write it down, like Christina P. she has this notebook she brings with her, and you look at the note.
It's filled with ideas, it's just all she goes. I have to write it down on paper.
Mark Norman, like, his back pocket, is like a turtle, you know of how insane –.
He's the most insane, He's the most insane. Yeah, because he has a phone, he has a phone.
He knows there's notes on the phone you don't have to have, you have both things. When you can only have one thing like this is so unnecessary.
He's so silly and he's just sitting on it like a second wallet, just breaking his back every night.
He's totally going to fuck his back up, like one of them cab drivers that has a bum back. Because, like, you have a fucking wallet that's two feet thick on one side of your ass. If he just took those notes and transcribed them into the notes on his phone, then he would have it. He's always worried about losing them, but this way you would never lose them because they would be in the cloud.
You could take a picture.
Yeah, you could take a picture.
He'll transcribe it, he's done.
And with a lot of these things like, that's the other thing about Samsung. You can write with a stylus on the screen and then it would convert that into print.
You could do that on the iPad too, really. Yeah, it's great.
With the pen. yeah, the iPad, with the pen, why don't they make that for the iPhone? You fucks.
The pen.
They can't admit that Samsung was right, yeah.
I think they have apps, or there's a way to do it, really.
Where you just use your finger and just do –.
Yeah, but I want the pen.
Yeah, it is silly. it's also silly, like the new pen that just came out. You can't use it on last year's model. Oh, that's dirty.
It's like, they do all this dirty shit, dude.
They get so dirty.
It's so bad.
They're so dirty with their USB-C cables.
Oh, yeah, I'm glad now that it's just –.
Yeah, it's nice, but meanwhile, I have AirPods and they all charge with regular lightning.
Well, the new version has, they have a new version.
Oh, I got to get a new version now.
You can buy just the case.
They just never let you go and their shit is just good enough so that you keep going down that path.
Yeah, Apple Vision Pro is very depressing, by the way. Is it? yeah?
You're done.
I think, like a lot of people, –.
You are so in.
I'm so in and it's still amazing, but then there's just nothing you can do. Watching 3D movies is the best experience you'll ever have, ever even better than a movie theater. Really, sitting there watching Avatar, it's a big iMax in your bedroom.
It doesn't bother you that the thing's over your face.
No, of course I use it more, but it's so comfortable.
How much EMF radiation are you getting?
Oh, that's why my eyes are so bad. My eyes are getting worse every day, it's crazy.
You're cooking your brain, son.
And it fucks your dreams up, it kind of fucks your brain up a little, because I think your brain starts thinking that's real. So when you're dreaming and shit, I don't know, was it you? There was this fighter pilot, and he's one of the top fighter pilots for the air force, or something like that.
And I asked him if he's ever done any of the VR flight simulations, he's like, I can't. It will throw off my inner timing and stuff like that because it will fuck with his inner timing. I never thought about that.
Timing for a real jet?
Yeah, I was like, whoa, what does it do to normal people?
Those guys are all on the way out, they're all on the way out. Mike Baker was in here, he was showing us how they have AI fighter jets now, that out dogfight actual piloted fighter jets 100 of the time.
They always win.
It's like Sky Teslas.
It's over, it's over, it's over they're going to—.
Yeah, it's so smart.
You've got no chance. They're just too smart, they're too smart. No matter how clever you think you are, you think you're Maverick, Maverick's dead.
Okay.
Fucking zero just killed Maverick, and zero kills everybody, because zero isn't a human and zero doesn't get nervous.
And Zero doesn't make mistakes, and Zero has all the data of every single dogfight and every single dogfight training mission that's ever been done. Ever in its database. With the exact correct timing of when to launch missiles and where to be and where to avoid. You're fucked, we're fucked.
We're all fucked because then everybody's going to have the same thing and it's just going to be nonstop where we're fighting.
We might be the only people that aren't fucked, right because we talk shit, professional shit. Talkers are always going to be necessary to make sense of it and give you some entertainment through all this, I require them.
Look, if I wasn't a comic and I wasn't around guys like you and Tony and all the people that we're around with all the time. I don't know what I'd do. If I had to talk to normies all day about how fucked things are and not laugh and not have fun, I'd be depressed. Like, we're always laughing and talking shit and having fun, even though things are crazy like, we are what? Four years away from artificial people telling us what to do?
And everybody's like ushering in our own demise, buying things constantly. We're going to have artificial life forms that are far superior to humans in like four years. And everybody's like, whatever, what do you think about Drake and Kendrick? I'm on team Kendrick.
Of course, everyone is.
Everyone seems to be on team. Kendrick Drake slings too much dick. People are a little upset about him, he's a little too handsome.
Yeah, but all the podcasts that every single comedian's ever done is going to be fed into AI, and they're going to be the shit talkers.
I honestly don't know anything about the Drake and Kendrick Beef. Every time people talk to me about him, my eyes glaze over. I just can't pay attention. I can't pay attention to grown men beefing with each other publicly.
It's just sexual tension between those two.
That's all it is.
My feeling is always like, Damn, you guys busted out eight songs that are bangers shitting on each other. You could have been just writing amazing rap songs, elevating human beings, elevating life. Once you write one diss song about somebody, it's not enough.
You have to go back and forth and back and forth. I don't even listen to old school ones.
That's why I fucked your bitch. You go back and listen to Tupac and Biggie. I love Tupac and I love Biggie. How come I have to choose how come?
How come there's a fight? What's going on?
Those songs become so popular.
Yeah, not as much as California love. There's songs that you hear and they make you excited, they make you excited.
There's California love. I remember when Uriah Faber was fighting in the UFC, the California kid, he would always come out to California love. The moment you hear it, you're like, Woo.
That's one of those songs, man, you don't get that diss track.
Yeah, you do. That came because of the East Coast, West Coast beef.
This guy.
That's how it came.
That's where California love came.
They probably wouldn't have even taken the time to write it if they weren't talking shit back then.
They may have maybe. Tupac wrote a lot, Tupac wrote so much that they were releasing albums long after he was dead, remember?
He was just a machine, that dude was just a creative machine, he would just lock himself in the studio and just make songs.
Remember the Eazy-e and ice Cube beef that was my favorite? That was a good one talking about fucking him in the ass with no vaseline and shit like that. They had whole albums back then.
You don't want to get into a diss war with Ice Cube. He's too clever.
He's awesome.
He's too clever, He's too clever with his writing. Ice Cube wrote most of the songs for N.W.a. Ice Cube's a very good writer a lot of times in rap bands, He's the one dude who writes everything.
In Ghetto Boys, it was Willie D. We played Fuck a War, which is one of my all-time favorite rap songs. Bushwick Bill Willie D texts me and goes, I wrote that in 45 minutes.
Some dudes are just really good at writing, they're just really good at writing. Bangers, that's with comedy, too. Tony's that guy.
Tony is really good at writing jokes, his ability to especially joke, shitting on people.
His brain's constantly working when you talk to him, he's looking past you, thinking, what joke he's going to say after?
He's a machine.
First of all, congratulations. You guys are fucking killing it.
It's insane, dude.
You guys are killing it. You guys sold out Madison Square Garden two nights in a row, you guys sold out a giant-ass theater in L..A. And you want to do another show, just do the Staples center.
What you sell that out like that, it's bananas, you guys are printing money.
It's ridiculous.
It's the best fucking comedy show in the world, it's the best show. First of all, you guys have been doing it now for 11 years, almost when will it be 11??
December, June, I think June.
It's almost 11 years you've been doing it all these days, it's polished, you guys are synced up, everybody knows their position.
The band is great, the audience is super aware of how the show works, they're not confused. What's going on, how come?
He is a minute, everybody knows how it works, it's just polished, then you've got Tony, who's just locked in the fucking lines he has.
So many people do not believe that he comes up with those on the spot. They're like, that's all planned out, none of it's planned out. That's the magic of it, especially when him and David go at it.
When David Lucas and Tony Hedges clip shit on each other, it's as hard as I ever laugh. There's compilations of them shitting on each other on YouTube. A bunch of them. It's me red-faced, can't breathe, holding my sides, Jesus Christ.
It's so funny, it's so good.
David gets to just call him gay for 15 minutes straight, it's so funny.
The show went against every single direction that the industry was trying to tell us the audience was going. Your show went against all of the woke shit, against all of the don't say this and don't say that, and this is a forbidden word.
Now all of it's out the window and it's the best show. And then the audience is obviously responding. There's not a fucking podcast on earth that could sell out arenas like you guys are doing. Not one.
You guys are selling out Madison Square Garden in an hour. It's nuts. I mean, that's like a cultural phenomena, that's a real audience. Finally, the audience reacts to, like, this is what we want.
This is what we've always wanted. We don't think comedy is real life. We're not fucking stupid, go crazy, go crazy.
Say wild shit, and it's the best for comedy, man.
It's the Johnny Carson for comics, and you don't like it's also random. You could be doing comedy 10 years, or you could be doing comedy your first time and somehow get on Johnny Carson.
You can be doing comedy your first time and get on. Johnny Carson at the Staples Center, Yeah.
Which is one of the worst things ever when that happens, by the way.
Well, if you can get through that, though, I mean, good Lord, if you can get through that, what a career you'll have, you'll be able to tell people. The first time he was ever on stage was in front of 20,000 people, and now here he is headlining the comedy works in Denver. I mean, that's an amazing thing.
That's what Janice did, her third time on stage at the arena here on New Year's Eve. Nuts.
That is so nuts third time on stage. That is bananas, that kind of pressure bananas.
And then after that, I asked her to marry me. She's already like, Oh, what the fuck?
Oh, that's cute. that's adorable. That's adorable. Yeah, you guys are killing it, man. It's awesome to see.
Somebody sent me a clip of an old Jre. It was like, the week we started that kill Tony and you're like, What's this new show you're doing? or something like that? And I go, Oh, it's me and this guy named Tony Hinchcliffe.
You know, Tony, Right? Oh, I think so, I don't know.
Wow.
That's crazy.
That's crazy.
Yeah, I mean, we've been working so hard at it and we always thought, you know, it's going to become bigger, but not this big. Not having like Post Malone and RFK on the same show.
Like, what the hell is going on here?
Remember the time I tricked Post Malone, he had no idea he was going on stage? Oh, yeah, you've done that a few times, I've done it with Tucker Carlson.
Tucker, Carlson.
Yeah.
Be known if you're a famous person and we're hanging out and it's Monday.
Oh, let's go through this curtain real quick, what the hell?
I might drag you out onto the internet, but listen, Tucker Carlson handled it like a champ. He was great.
Tucker's Hilarious Man.
He was so smooth and so relaxed, and so genuinely happy and fun. People don't understand him, or they don't know who he is, or they just want to demonize him as this evil right-wing person. He's a sweetheart of a guy.
And I'm saying that as someone who's spent hours with him, he's a very nice guy, he's nice to everybody, he's nice, he's odd.
He's an odd guy.
Funny laugh.
And he was also working in the Belly of the Beast. For like, how many years he was on CNN? And then he goes from CNN to Fox? And now he's a wild boy. Now he's online, he's just wild.
Interviewing that guy who says he sucked Obama's dick, What are you doing?
I forgot to ask you about that. Remember when William just, or was it William or Cam just brought that up? Yeah, William brought it up.
That guy really sucked Obama's dick.
What a nightmare.
What a nightmare.
Tucker.
William's so fucking funny, and his brother now works at the mothership, and it's like the coolest thing ever.
Yeah, it's amazing. William is so funny and he's so confident now. And look, when we first met that guy, he was awkward but kind of funny, but he had to have those goddamn notes.
And how many times did we have conversations with him in the Green room?
Oh, millions.
Millions like, Dude, you've got to ditch those notes. Because when he would do kill Tony, when he would engage with the audience, I go, when you stare at the audience and start talking to them, I go. It makes me nervous. Like, as a friend of yours, you're so wild, but like, I'm in the audience, like, this guy's crazy.
That's better than staring at your notes, man, engage them, look at them, you can remember your jokes. And he just had to, like, be convinced.
Now he's doing an hour on stage with no notes and killing headlining selling out everywhere. Dude, the Black Keys specifically wanted to see him when he was in town.
So I had William come up and do the show, I called him, I go, dude, the Black Keys want to meet you.
Those guys, by the way, are the coolest guys, the best, they're the best.
They're the best and so is everyone around them. Yeah, we went to see them at their show at Stubbs and hung out with them and everyone right.
Mm-hmm, so cool.
Yeah, and they were just there's William, like, they were, so yeah.
I love William.
They're just giant William fans. They were so pumped to hang out with him.
It's funny hearing that, like hearing people, you know that story Tony told you last night about that guy, that huge Casey Rocket fan. Amazing.
Yeah.
Amazing CEO of a big company.
Yeah, CEO of a huge company, and he's doing a casey rocket impression.
Crab walk.
Like, that is insane.
Didn't Drake also say something like that?
Drake watches every week, I guess crazy, I mean, Team Drake.
When you guys had sugar. Sean O'Malley, the UFC bantamweight champion, revealing the winner of Like, one of the battles. Like, That's incredible, man, you had jelly roll singing in front of arenas for you guys like, this is the whole thing is so nuts, man.
And I don't think Post Malone even knew what he was getting into the first time he did it right. He didn't know what it was. No, I don't think he knew.
Did he know?
No, I don't think.
I think I had to explain to him and then I said, let's go to the club. And then I just fucking opened the curtains and we all went out together.
In l.
A.
When I was in L.
A For the Kiltonies, I hung out with Post. I think like two nights, three nights in a row, until like five in the morning. Just drinking like that dude doesn't get drunk, he just keeps on going well, he's a bud light guy.
Yeah, that's true.
Those bud light guys are dangerous. Those are like Shane Gillis guys. Shane Gillis is another bud light guy you can drink like Stan Hope used to be a light beer guy.
You can just drink light beer and just maintain a steady buzz, whereas retards like you and me are drinking whiskey.
Yeah, you can pee it out at the same amount as he's drinking it.
We're slurring our words and they just keep going. It's true, man.
Yeah, I should go back to beer, I can't do it anymore.
You get fat, yeah.
I mean, I get fat both ways.
Have you thought about doing the Ozempic?
No, my doctor, my testosterone doctor said, don't do it. He had one of his patients do it, and she had seizures and had to go to the hospital or something like that.
That could happen, or you could be hot. I mean, come on, bro, don't be a pussy.
You know, I don't know if they're sponsoring this, but the hems, you know, the hair hems, you can get medications through them. They just announced that they're going to have an Ozempic clone, where it's the same medicine inside Ozempic, but it's going to be like one-tenth of the price.
What's this?
Oh, the New South Park.
Have you heard about this? First look at Cartman using the Ozempic in South Park, so he's getting smaller. The end of obesity? Oh, no.
Yeah, it comes out the 24th. is that out now?
Is that today?
Two more days.
Yeah.
Some people have real bad side effects, apparently. Yeah, but one of the things that Peter Attia was saying was that, you know, he's a doctor. So they had tried to see what the effects of these things on the people that wanted to take them. And so they said, Well, we'll prescribe them to you, but we want to do Dexa scans.
We want to make sure that we, you know, we want to really monitor what's going on in your whole body. So one of the things that they found out was that in normal conditions, like, say, if you lost weight, you know like most of it would be fat, but a small percentage of it would be lean. Body mass, like muscle tissue in Ozempic, most of the loss, like when they were looking at it, the people were losing much more body mass, much more lean tissue and bone mass. Than was making him comfortable. He's like, this makes me very uncomfortable, he's like, these people are getting, they're getting lighter and they're getting fatter.
Like, they're losing muscle tissue and bone like this is not good. But then there's other people that have said, if your body's tolerating it, that what you should do is add strength training to mitigate the effects of that. But now you're asking people to be disciplined, like, isn't the whole point right?
I mean, how many people who are going to take Ozempic are like disciplined weight trainers? Where they're going to really mitigate the effects of bone loss and muscle loss. And they're going to stay strong while they lose fat while you're paralyzing their stomach with a drug that I would just imagine probably has an effect on your energy levels. Just by virtue of the fact that your body is dealing with whatever it has to do to metabolize this new drug. You're injecting into your body, right? So if you're injecting this drug in your body, is it? Does it have a positive effect? Does it give you more energy, or is it it's killing your appetite, right? That's part of what it does.
It's kind of like, what is the actual physical effect? It has some sort of a paralysis effect on your stomach, on some people, like, what does it do? Let's find out what it, because we're so stupid.
We don't know exactly what it does. I think it kills your appetite.
If it kills your appetite, that wouldn't work on me because I have no appetite anyway, okay?
It says it works by mimicking a naturally occurring hormone. As those hormone levels rise, the molecules go to your brain, telling it you're full. It also slows digestion By increasing the time it takes for food to leave the body. It slows digestion. I don't like that.
That's crazy, so that's probably. It's similar to the effect of bariatric surgery, so that's the thing where they're saying, like, it paralyzes your stomach, it slows it down.
Yeah, that's not right.
I think Brian Simpson had a really bad reaction to it. Where he was in bed for a while. Oh shit, yeah, he got wrecked.
Is he still on it?
No, he got off it immediately. Brian had a great weight loss, though, when he switched to the carnivore diet when he went all meat.
I did that, but I gained it immediately back the second I stopped it.
Why'd you stop it then?
Because you know how it is, you just get tired of meat, not tired of meat, but you just miss, like, fruit, you know, yeah, like, I need fruit.
Yeah, I need a salad.
I don't think there's anything wrong with fruit, I think fruit's fine for you.
Right, I've lost like over 30 pounds in a year, though, just being on testosterone, not doing anything different really, yeah.
Why don't you work out a little bit?
I do now that I live downtown half the time, do you? because I'm walking everywhere, you just walk. Yeah, it's great.
Just hire a trainer? Yeah, you got cash.
But yeah, I'm like the Ozempic people.
Yeah, you just get someone who shows up at your house.
That sounds worse.
Come on, Brian.
That sounds worse. Get up, get up.
Let's go work out.
Now I have a nice gym, so I'll probably start.
But if you just like eased into it, just we want to keep you alive.
Yeah.
You can't die now, kill Tony's killing it. Yeah, true. You guys are literally on top of the world, you guys could do an arena in every city, every night of the week.
Yeah.
You could just fly around the country doing arenas, and it's a new show every time. That's what's so crazy. It's not like a stand-up show where you develop the show, you put the bits together, you put on a special No.
You guys could do a new show everywhere you go.
The only thing with the arena is it's so much work, you know what I mean, because you've got to be bigger and bigger. Well, you have a producer.
You've got empathy now as a producer.
Which is the most amazing thing ever, by the way. Yeah, it helps God. He's awesome. But it's also, you know, the arenas. It changes the show a little, like it's more of a celebration kind of thing, I think.
But you need those weekly normal, you know, mothership shows, you know what I mean, that's so important because that's really the show.
Well, it's also the club experience and to see the club experience on YouTube. The Mothership and like, What kill Tony at? The Mothership? is the cornerstone of stand-up comedy. Because it's showing young comics that there's a path. You can actually do this, and it's just about being funny, regardless of your political beliefs, your ideology, what you think you're supposed to say with your platform.
Stop. It's just about being funny, that's what people want to see, they just want to laugh. There's plenty of people lecturing people.
Plenty of people telling people what to do. They just want to laugh. And when you get one minute, there's no time for any bullshit. And then you have one minute with these Hawks on the left side of you, just hawks.
Just vicious professional comedians all waiting to shit on your act or say something funny at your expense. And then the audience they get to see. You know, William Montgomery kill, Cam kill, Hans kill, these people are killing, and so the audience is primed. It's like, if you can do that, if you can actually get through that, make that minute and have everybody go, that was really great.
And the audience gives you a round of applause, like, Holy shit, you're flying, and then the audience wants to see you try it again. And now you're out in the open mics every night and you're banging it out. Because you think, Oh my God. I think there's a real pathway to a career here. And then you do a second show.
And next thing, you know, you've got a golden ticket.
Holy shit.
Next thing you know, you're Hans Kim.
It's insane.
You're opening up for me in arenas, we're traveling around all over the fucking world, you're doing stand-up now to your own sold-out audiences. And weekends in these clubs, it's incredible.
Hans Kim is killing it every weekend, he's somewhere, he's selling five-out shit. He might be one of the most popular comedians in the circuit right now.
And he keeps getting better. He did a set the other night last week at the Mothership, did two nights and he fucking murdered. In all this new shit, I was like, Dude, that's great stuff, it was really well-written, really funny.
Have you seen his process? It's insane, he has spreadsheets in Excel and stuff like that.
That's crazy. Yeah, he gets nutty, he's on the plane, nerding out on all his material, but that's how to do it, man, that's how to do it.
But the thing is, these comics now, they see there's a genuine path and it exists. And so it sets the tone for open mics and for stand-ups. Because they realize, Hey, it's not about your fucking ideologies.
It's just about being funny. Too many people got trapped in this Claptor mode where you want to say something, you're going to use something, you're going to use your act for social justice.
Be funny.
Be funny, you have to be funny, that's the thing now. If you have a point and you have something you want to say and it's funny. And you know how to work it and make it funny, great.
Great.
But it's got to be funny, and so many people, they started off with this idea of taking this. I'm going to take this sneaky shortcut and just say a bunch of shit, that kind rational people will agree with, whether it's about the vaccine support, the science, or whether it's about Trump being a dictator. They'll say things just to get that clap, just to get that thing, and then they'll throw a few half-assed jokes in with it. When they're already riding on the wave of being correct and on the right side of things.
Like, right, everybody. And it's all just like you're avoiding being funny, you're avoiding it. And some of these people that we're seeing doing this, like, you're so fucked in the head.
You shouldn't be giving out advice on anything. You're such a crazy person and then you're on stage lecturing the country on how to think and behave. You're out of your fucking mind. Like, you need to be in the jungle doing ayahuasca for like, a month.
Shut the fuck up, stupid you miserable cunt, but meanwhile, you're telling people how to behave and live their life. It's bananas.
It's bananas.
I saw Shane Gillis the other day. He's so I love how he's funny but silly and goofy, he's so fun to watch. And then some of these comedians that you're talking about are, so it's a different kind of comedy. I like being fun, having a fun time.
Let's have fun.
Somewhere along the line, people who wanted people to think they were smart, thought that you couldn't be having fun if you were smart. Which is weird. It's so weird. It's just an insecurity thing. It's so weird to think you can't be silly and be smart because Shane is very smart.
And if you underestimate him because you think that he's like a big oaf, you know Shane is very fucking smart.
He reads.
He reads a lot and he knows a lot about history. And when people say, stupid shit, nope, that's not what happened. And then he'll start rattling off, like, well, Eastern Europe at the time.
Everyone's like, Oh, they forgot. He's smart, you forget? he went to West Point, He's a smart fella, smart fella.
Just big, silly, jolly guy, and people underestimate them, you know?
And Matt McCusker.
Oh, very smart.
Both of those guys.
Cool as shit, too, so nice that they're here.
It's so cool, it's such a nice bonus.
The whole Philly crew, those guys are great, Tommy, those guys are great.
Yeah, yeah.
Lamare is here now.
Yep, Joey, Diaz has been hanging out lately, which is so great to see Joey. Oh my god.
Joey's getting a real estate agent.
Yeah, that's fucking awesome.
Yeah, he's going to get a spot out here, you know? Once he got here, he's like, This is what I've been missing, dog, This is what I've been missing. This is what I told you, Joey.
I know you don't want to totally listen to me, He doesn't want to listen, right? You know? I tell him, Joey, you really shouldn't be out there by yourself in New Jersey.
Yeah, you're in Jersey, yeah, that's why you got out of there in the first place.
Jersey's not bad, but it's not right for comedy. Where he lives is great, great neighborhood, great area, food's amazing.
Fantastic, everybody loves him, he's like the king of New Jersey. Yeah, it's a great place to live and exist.
Nothing, no wrong with that, but we live by our tribe.
We exist in tribes, and we have a tribe of comedians, and we had it in Los Angeles, and I think we underestimated how important it was when we left. And one of the first things that I realized when we started doing shows out here, when we first started doing the vulcan, was like, Yeah, you need a place where everybody goes.
And this is a kind of a weird one because everybody only goes while this show is on and the green room setup is goofy. You got to go upstairs. There's a lot of weirdness to it. This is not ideal.
But we need a comedians need a place like otherwise, you're on your own, you're just out there, alone by yourself. And then you call and you want to open up for me this weekend, and then you go see.
And the only time you're around comics is when you're working with them on the road.
Weird, right?
It's not good for you. We're too strange, we're too strange, our sensibilities and what's normal to us is too strange. And if you're around, just like boring-ass people.
Norms.
Norms, especially norms that aren't interesting, you can't pick them, you can't pick your neighbors, like, you know, I have great neighbors.
But I didn't pick them, you know, I didn't have a fucking audition to see who could be my neighbor, you know? But your friends like you pick your friends, and when your friends are comics like, we are so spoiled.
We have just an abundance of fun.
So spoiled, so spoiled, so spoiled.
You know, whenever Ron White does the rodeos, he comes back. I am so fucking spoiled he goes. I hated every minute of being in that green room.
God, I love Ron.
Well, he's the leader of the pack. He was the first reason I had considered Austin, and this was actually before the pandemic. I always loved it here, you know, Onnit was always here, so I was always visiting here.
But when he was, I guess 2018, when he decided to get a place here, he was like, you know, it's the center of the country. I could travel there from anywhere. My son's here. I fucking love it, it's beautiful.
Great food, nice people. I'm like, Damn, can I live in Texas? can I live in Austin? Like that doesn't make any sense.
I'm like, they have one club, you know? It was like Cap City was on the way out now. I guess it was like 2019 when it really crumbled, right? It was like, was it during Covid that it crumbled?
It was right at the beginning of Covid, I think.
So it still was there, but they always it was a weekend club, right? So you'd have your headliners would come in for the weekend. So like, when would I be able to do shows like, maybe I could do late night shows there?
Or maybe I could do like guest spots there, like, maybe.
But you were also thinking, wasn't it Utah or something like that? Yeah, remember how bad that would have been? Yeah, I thought about Utah.
But with Utah, I thought about getting a because I have a buddy who lives in Park City. I was like, maybe I'd get a place in Park City. And then I could just drive down to Wise Guys, because Wise Guys in Salt Lake is the shit. That is a fucking great club, that's one of my favorite clubs to go to.
Absolutely, and Salt Lake people are fun, man, they're fun. Like people think, oh, the Mormons, like, No, it's the people that aren't the Mormons that want to go out.
Right, biggest whores, too, and then the Mormons.
Definitely just ask sex everywhere for those girls.
Is that what the Mormons do? Yeah.
Doesn't count.
So when you're out in a place like that, if you're a comic, you've got to make. There's got to be a consideration like, where could I go up? Like Montana was like, there's no place, right? There's.
No, I've got nothing. Like, apparently there's a little bit of a comedy scene in Bozeman now that might have started up, like around the pandemic, or slightly before the pandemic.
Can you imagine if you still lived in Denver, how liberal you would be? Yeah, change, huh?
You'd be so Denver-y, I would resist it. That's hilarious, you think I would just get into that nonsense.
Yeah, you'd be like a hippie and shit like that.
No, the hippies were already annoying me. I was only there for four months.
I know you got the fuck out of there.
I was living next to an ashram and I went to visit the lady in the ashram and I was talking to her. And she's spraying bug spray on ants. And I was like, Yo, so her and I had like, this bizarre philosophical conversation, I go. But you are a Buddhist and you believe in the sanctity of life and that all things are living. Things are important.
And you just killed thousands of them casually in front of me, like, she just fucking casually in front of me, raided these ants. And I was like, This is kind of crazy, this is kind of a crazy thing to do, you just did.
Yeah.
Not only that you did it, you're poisoning yourself like that shit's like super toxic. Even if you can smell it, you're breathing it in. if you can breathe it in, it's bad for you.
Like, it's killing those ants instantly, what's it doing to you? You're just bigger than an ant. If it was at the same dose, you get the same dose of raid that an ant gets. I mean, I don't know how it kills ants, but I got to imagine it's not sophisticated.
Right, it's not like some genetic alteration that stops their heart from beating. Probably poison, like horrible, horrible poison.
I used to like the smell of Raid when I was a kid.
It's great, I love that smell, I love that smell and markers.
Yeah, do you know anything about this? I don't know if we've ever talked about this, speaking in the kind of same line about gas stoves being poisonous for you.
Terrible for you lower your IQ.
Yeah, what the fuck dude, what the fuck dude. The latest reports are, like, scary.
Not only that, but when I was a kid, I remember, like, you walk by the stove and you could smell it.
Oh yeah.
And they're like, Oh, the pilot light must be out, like, Oh, what is it? just fucking gas floating around this apartment?
Right, yeah.
That probably lowered our IQs, you know, another thing that lowered our IQs lead from gasoline when they had leaded gasoline.
Oh, that's right, unleaded. Yeah, that's right, yeah.
Lead from gasoline lowered IQS by a measurable amount.
Whoa?
Kids who lived in homes with gas stoves experienced levels of nitrogen dioxide triple to those who came from homes with electric stoves. Kids from homes with gas stoves fared marginally worse on cognitive tasks. Again, a point or two out of a hundred point scale. So it made them a little dumber, it would probably affect their health, which would also make you a little dumber if you're tired.
I think the latest study said. It's like having, it's like breathing in the highway, like fumes in your house, oh God, about the same level like we just worked on the highway every day.
Yeah, how many people have ever gone through their fucking house with, like, an air scanner? Yeah, I've never done that.
No, but I have a lot of those things that clean the air I have, like huge industrial ones all around my house.
Oh, that's good, that'll help you a little bit, but I don't know if that'll help you from gas stoves.
No, I don't think that works with that, right?
So the gas stoves is one thing, but the leaded gasoline thing is a crazy one. Yeah, because they put lead in gasoline, so I guess it stops the engine from pinging. I'm a moron. Even though I love cars, I don't really exactly know. Like, what happened with lead and unleaded, but they had leaded gasoline forever.
Like when I was a kid, when I had muscle cars, you had to get leaded gasoline to make the muscle car run good. Like unleaded gasoline. It would run like shit. And so we all had, like, I don't even know when they came out with unleaded gasoline. But I remember, for sure, when I was younger, there was options.
You get leaded or unleaded.
It was like, 82, probably.
And when you, you always everybody wanted leaded, but when you were, when you were driving around, you were that shit. From those pipes, all that exhaust, all the burning of that leaded gasoline literally poisoned the ground.
70s.
Unleaded gasoline was introduced in the 1970s, when health problems from lead became apparent in the United States. Leaded gasoline for use on non-road vehicles was completely phased out. It was January 1st, 1996. Most other countries have also stopped using leaded gasoline. Find out what the effect leaded gasoline had on IQS. Because that was what was disturbing.
So they were saying that people in like urban areas that had like a lot of like cars traveling back and forth. My friend lived in Brooklyn, my friend Steve Rinella, he lived in Brooklyn for a while and he was going to grow plants in his backyard. But he has because he's very smart. So he had his soil tested and he found it's like filled with lead from leaded gasoline from the fucking 60s and the 50s, and shit, it's just in the dirt.
According to a 2022 study published in the proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, childhood exposure to leaded gasoline has caused a loss of 824 million IQ points for more than 170 million Americans, or about half of the U.
S population, this is based on an average of 2.6 IQ points lost per person. The study also found that people born in the mid to late 1960s may have lost up to 6 IQ points. That's me.
While children with the highest levels of lead in their blood may have lost more than 7 IQ points on average.
This is reminding me of this thing that hit the internet yesterday about 100 of testicles having microplastics.
Did you see that I just wrote that down?
Maybe yours, bitch, maybe yours, you know, I was watching. Paul Saladino had this thing on his Instagram that I was looking at today. About plastic cutting boards, and he was like, just let me show you what happens with the plastic cutting boards.
Like, this is going to get into your food, for sure, and you're going to eat it like, this is not good.
I knew about that a long time ago. But that's exactly what microplastics is.
Microplastics found in every human testicle in the study. Can we go back to plastic straws? then? yeah, can we just go back to plastic straws? I promise I'll throw them away.
Okay, the problem is really not with straws and turtles, the problem is with garbage management. They're doing a shit job of, they're like approximately getting all the garbage.
This is a pretty small study.
23 testicles and 47 dogs, that's 46 balls.
47 testes from pet dogs, they found microplastic pollution in every single sample. So it's probably in everything, I mean, it's probably in everything, even though that's a small sample. You've got to think of, like, how much plastic is being used?
What's it even mean like, are we stronger? Just don't put us in the microwave or something, no?
It's an endocrine disruptor. The problem is it's measurable decrease in testosterone with males, measurable decrease in fertility with women, a lot more miscarriages, and it all correlates directly with microplastics.
Directly with when you're microwaving food with saran, wrap on it in a plastic container. And there's like little chips of plastic that come when you open up packages. And you know, there was an estimate and we were trying to figure out exactly whether or not it was accurate. But that every week you eat one credit card of plastic, which is insane.
Insane. Human testicles had a plastic concentration almost three times higher than that found in dogs. Of course, because, like, we're not just eating dog food that comes out of a can or a bowl, we're constantly eating food that comes from plastic.
330 micrograms per gram of tissue, compared to 123 micrograms polyethylene used in plastic bags and bottles, was the most common microplastic found, followed by PVC. So shit from pipes, so the pipes where you drink in your water.
And then polyethylene, which is used in plastic bottles, which is what everyone's drinking out of, and you drink out of them. When they've been sitting, how long did they sit on the dock before they got to the delivery truck? When you buy, like, bargain water.
If you're buying bargain plastic bottled water, is there a chain of custody where they can show at every step of the way? It was in a controlled environment where it wouldn't be heated up, where the plastic from the bottle would leach into your water. And give you, like this toxic stew.
That's killing your nuts, because that's what it does, It kills your nuts, it makes your taint shrink.
That's not a bad thing.
It is a bad thing.
You don't want your asshole glistening in your balls? I wouldn't.
No, there's a certain manageable distance, and nature's already figured that out. It's exactly what it is this lady from.
She's from Harvard, right? Shanna Swan, She was on the podcast. She explained to us that with mammals when you look at their taints.
The length of the taint is you can tell if it's a male or a female, even if it's like a gerbil, because the male taints are 50 to 100 larger. But since the introduction of plastics?
The taints are shrinking on men and the balls and the dicks are shrinking, too, so we're becoming genderless through plastic, so as we have more technology.
Think of all this trans stuff, look at all this trans stuff, all this crazy stuff that's going on, non-binary. I don't identify with it.
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