Synced: Morning After Slumber Party

We have updates.

We have a lot. I mean, I feel like you have a lot to share.

Well, I have stuff to share, but also you have an update, because last weekend I got to come see a screening of your movie. You have been working on a documentary. Yes.

Yeah, so I was working on it when we were freezing our eggs together, and it was at the apex of the difficulty.

Chaos.

Yeah, the chaos and the dark night of the soul, right? Part of the film where I, yeah, I get, I get, I get S-U-E-D. Can we say it?

S-U-E-D. What's that?

S-U-E-D. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

It's early. I know.

Can we have like a... No, I don't want to change the time. It's just like I feel sometimes that I'm like, I'm still...

Waking up.

Waking up. Okay.

I have this problem too, obviously, and I'm like half dead for the first, I feel like, six minutes.

Me too. Me too.

But then I do like being done at the time we're done. It's true. It's true. This is like, it's a tale as old as time. It is.

I just hope people know the vibe is like morning after slumber party. It's not like afternoon cozy vibes. That's good. It's more like morning after, what are we talking about? I like that.

It's a morning show. Morning after show. Morning after. Oh, I love that.

Morning after show.

Morning after show. We can still be in sweatpants. We both are in sweatpants. Don't be close today. So synced, obviously.

Your movie. So yeah, my movie. Yeah. So it starts with our egg freezing and sort of. this question of, you know, should I genetically test embryos and would I be a good parent to a child with a disability and sort of?

I did feel little that day. I think my sweatshirt or something. I don't know. But I was so happy to see it because I've been hearing about this for so long, and it's always a privilege to get to see something ahead of time. You're still working on it.

Did it feel like, you know, sometimes you meet your friend's baby, that, okay, this is Well, not ugly. Well, that happens too. But there's this whole TikTok thing of like when you meet the baby that you told your friend to abort. You know what I mean? Oh, fuck.

Oh, my God, I didn't put two and two together like that, which is a great way of framing it. However, you did pause during the egg freezing because it was getting so overwhelming. It was such a, I think, smart idea for you to like, I can't, I have to like actually press pause on that thing. I can't be doing both of these things at once because they're both so taxing. But one, you've been involved in advocating for disability rights and just being sort of a mouthpiece for ableism and disability.

Oh. Is it mouthpiece like you're like a- Wait, am I wrong? What's it mean?

That's bad.

But I'm probably wrong.

I could definitely be wrong. I should have said advocate.

I feel like mouthpiece is what you say, like, you're a mouthpiece for the, you know.

But is it that they took the word? Those people maybe took the word and I'm taking it back. Okay. Take it back. Take it back.

Okay. I think that's more- Reclaim it. I think that's more what it is. Oh, my God. I've heard it how you're saying as well.

People will ruin words. Don't let them. Okay.

We're reclaiming mouthpiece. Okay. It's like dog whistle. Dog whistle is bad. It's like when you often like, with racism is sort of the most classic example.

It's like a way to not be overt. So the dog whistle analogy is like you're calling out silently to your people.

Kind of. Or using like a stereotype, again, like referencing something in our culture that everyone knows what that means and what that implicates. Without saying it straight up.

Oh, and you're saying they took the word dog whistle, which is an actual thing.

Yeah, dog whistles are fine. Oh, dog whistles are from the dog whistlers? Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Well, like someone who wants a whistle for a dog. Okay. Isn't also it a thing? It's like a, it's like an actual thing.

Yeah. There's a whistle for a dog. For them to.

Come running.

Come running. But it's being used for this other thing. I wonder how dogs feel about it.

I hate it for them. It sucks. Okay. So you have been, you have been really wonderfully advocating for a long time. And you're so knowledgeable on all things ableism.

Yeah.

And it's really, really good. Thanks. It's really good. I was so proud of you.

I wouldn't have done it if I knew how hard it was.

Yeah. That's like the blessing of not knowing. Yes.

Greta Gerwig talked about this with Barbie, where she was like, I wish the credits were like film by and then like all of the people, because it's just such an impossibly difficult task. I mean, just the amount of people who supported the project and supported me, like just the emotional support of a filmmaker, and just being nice to them and giving them hugs is really appreciated. So, yeah, thanks for coming. It was so fun.

It was so fun. And you did the thing that's scary to do, which is after you ask everyone for feedback. Yes, I did. And you know, I hate audience participation.

You do.

Oh, I hate it. I hate it.

What are the, why do you hate it?

I, I don't know. I just, like even at an intimate dinner, I just went. I hate participating in conversation. No, no, no. Like.

I hate it.

As soon as that was instructed, I just sunk down. I don't like people looking at me. And this is now a new through line. We were talking about it on Armchair yesterday too. I think I'm also, cause.

Oh my God. I can't wait. Pen. I'm so into it. Thank you for your Hulu password.

I've been thinking so much about my old stuff and I used to be really shy, and that is seemingly completely gone. But then there are moments like audience participation, where it flares up. And so, yeah, you asked all of us for feedback and people were giving it. And I thought they were great.

No, you hated it. Okay. You felt bad for who?

You. Me. For some of the feedback. I was like, because in feedback situations, I do feel that many people want to just talk, to hear themselves talk and to then feel like I contributed. I'm smart.

Right. I've been in that situation too. Even in class. I remember sometimes like, yeah, I had a question, but I also want to say something. I think I have something really smart.

I want to ask a question or contribute something so that everyone else can hear how smart I am. Right.

It's an LA screening type as well.

Yeah. That's what this was.

It's like any Q&A in LA for a screening, that's the type of people that are usually asking a question.

LA is specific, and especially if you're at any sort of screening or anything, because people, I believe many of them think it's an opportunity, because what if somebody else is kind of, what if somebody else is in there, who's like, that person is so smart, I'm going to hire them. Or like something. Oh my God.

Off of your question at a screening, wow.

Yeah. Or on, like the note, you know, sometimes people do note cards and then it's like, maybe I'll say something so profound and they'll be like, I need to hire them as my assistant director.

or something.

LA is hard. It's a hard place to be.

I'm so oblivious to that. Well, not oblivious, but I moderate panels and I love panels. I'm like, I love a good panel and I hate a bad one. And one of the things that drives me crazy is when I'll be in the audience and that the moderator isn't reining people in. If someone's just there to like, talk and use someone else's panel as a soapbox for themselves, I get so irate.

You brought it up recently. at the end, when people are holding hands, sometimes you leave.

It's like, is it that we're shy?

The hand holding feels, not about shyness.

It's an intimacy.

Yes. Which I totally understand. I probably would do the same thing and feel the same way.

When did you get not shy?

It was a slow burn. Probably over high school is when I really started to shed that, because I was doing theater and I was cheerleading and stuff. But it's weird because those things are so external. But the feeling of shyness is more just in your everyday life. It's not when you're performing.

You don't? Mm-mm. What?

Do you?

Of course. I mean, especially the beginning.

You feel shy?

I mean, I feel... Is shy. the term? Yeah. Like, I mean, look, it's really nice when you do go on a date with someone.

There's a bug. I feel like it came... There's bugs everywhere. There's a lot of bugs.

I had a bug event. Pin.

Wait, Rob, can you write down the pin?

Bug event. I also want to talk about silent dinners, because I feel like I wanted to put a pin in that, but I was putting a pin in somebody else. But I feel like we should have a silent dinner. What? I think that so much gets lost when we talk and that, I know, this sounds so...

Yeah. Oof.

And I start crying every time. Almost everybody does. I bet. if we were to do this now, I would definitely start crying. What?

I don't want to do it.

Then we don't have to do it. But all the defenses come off, right? Sure. You're not... And at the beginning, you want to just look away.

Yes, I do. I do feel nervous, definitely. But when I'm there, I sometimes feel not the opposite of shy, but I sometimes feel like, am I going to have to carry the conversation? That's sort of a fear I have.

I think a lot of women might feel that way. I feel that for sure.

Like a shy person wouldn't be able to do that. Okay. I don't think. Maybe it's not that I'm shy. Maybe it's that I'm afraid of fucking up or looking stupid.

I think it's my favorite thing we do. It's such a cute little adult thing, because a shy kid is like, oh, you're shy. But as an adult, it's so adorable. It's like you care.

That's a good point, because you talk about kids being shy all the time. This kid is shy. This kid is outgoing. But no one talks about shyness for adults, but those kids grow up into adults and still are probably keeping some level of shyness. Although as you go through life, you're forced to get rid of some.

Well, there's a lot of bugs, but yeah, I just, I was falling asleep. I was grumpy. There was a lot of like, I was feeling annoyed with a lot of things. And I was like, okay, just go to bed. And I was just about to fall asleep.

That's a really sweet way of putting moth.

That it's a black butterfly, but like it had floppy. Ew. And wings.

Wait, moths, are, you got to be careful, because they'll eat all your clothes.

Right.

So make sure you buy some moth traps.

Traps?

Yeah, I have some. They're these like sticky traps that you hang and they attract the moths. Have you noticed any holes in your clothes?

I mean, this happened only 72 hours ago. It's a recent event. So we'll see. We'll see. I mean, I did open my window for a minute.

Oh, you opened your window.

But just for a little minute.

So what if it was a bird? Oh God. That's what I thought.

Because again, when you're just falling asleep, I have a friend who was just falling asleep and was living in Brooklyn and a cat, a black cat, went on her and it was in her apartment. And then, you know, there's all kinds of stories. We all have a friend who had a cockroach, you know, in bed with them. Like there's, you know, and then everything crosses. So I hid under my covers like a child and then I got hot and then I was like, I can't sleep now.

Okay. Yeah. Do you want to talk? I do want to do an update. Okay.

You were unsure.

I was unsure and I was like, I don't, I still think this feels a bit unsettling, to be like kind of talking to two people. It's just unnatural for me.

Yeah.

So yeah, I had a bad attitude and I also had to wear my hair in a ponytail again.

You look so pretty in a ponytail. Thank you. Like it's insane. But I understand if it's not your preferred fit.

It's not my preferred. I can't hide behind my hair if I have a pony in. And I wore like essentially the same outfit, just a different shirt. And it was kind of like a cool experiment. It's like I look the same and the location was close.

New location?

It was new location, went up there. It was adorable. And he was there and he was there before me.

Okay. I'll move.

And he was great. Okay. It was a wonderful surprise and taught me a lot about expectation and just like it's fine. It's all good. They're both great and very different.

I like that.

We've all seen this movie, right?

Yes. It's the best. So many contestants going for your heart.

No, we're not calling them that. We are not calling them that. But they're both wonderful. And that's just for me. That's just hopeful.

Well, they're probably just people, just like you.

Of course.

There's no such thing, right?

Everyone's wonderful and horrible.

That's why, when the first date's bad, don't go. It's like it's only going to, we're only going to learn more about this person.

I think that's right.

Yeah. So that's great that you had a good first date.

Yeah. And it was really easy. And we talked about some really fun, funny little stuff, which was cute. And also my main takeaway, which is why I want to actually talk about this, because I think this is the only thing worth really imparting, is other than my gossipy life. When I left that date, I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it.

Okay.

And then it was just easy to be like playful and me. And I liked it. And there was space for that. He created space for that. So I think that's a really important thing for me to click in on, on dates, is do I like me on this date?

First of all, I think that's wonderful. It's funny because I thought about it afterwards, because obviously I wish I could have been there, like with a little newspaper. And like, just been like able, but I loved how you explained it to me and I loved imagining what he did and like how he, so like. how did he make space for you to be the best version of who you are, or fully yourself? I guess it's not even the best version.

Synced is supported by Skims. It's the holidays. It's such a good gift. I was just talking about this with a friend. We do this white elephant party and a couple of years ago, one of my friends brought the Skims robe.

Of course. Such a good gift. I love getting like soft things for Christmas, right? Like for the holidays. Giving something that's going to feel so good.

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I don't want it to sound like the first date was not me. It was. And it was also a version I liked, or I wouldn't want to probably continue. But it was a little different. And I guess on this second date, how did he make space?

Yeah. You can frame it one way, which is your expectations are low. But I feel like the best dates I've had is when I've shown up with my glasses on, don't have a bra on, I have a loose, whatever, right? That I'm showing up in the way that I, not. that I'm showing up schlubby, but I'm showing up in the way that I probably would show up with a friend.

It's no surprise that best friends fall in love and get married, because that's what's happening. You're just already you, and you love that person. And you love you as yourself. When you're that person. Yeah.

With that person, yeah.

So it was pretty enlightening. I am going on another date with the first person, and hopefully with the second person. They're out of town currently, but when they're back-.

They're both out of town. They're synced.

They are fairly synced, which is really funny.

Wow.

And Sim.

Wow. And you also, when we were talking about this, you were like, I wouldn't mind if I was dating someone who was dating more than one person. I wouldn't. You wouldn't. And that, to me, was just- Oh, yeah.

You found that shocking.

I mean, unless I don't like them. If I like them, and I know they're going on other dates-.

You don't like it.

I would be so sad.

Well, maybe if we're like eight dates in. Yeah. I might feel that. But first, like three or four dates? I hope they are going on multiple dates with multiple people, and gosh.

What do you mean? mixing up the pairs?

Like if I put this person with this person instead, that wouldn't be a good match. Right, right, right, right. And it has nothing to do with how great they are. Right. It's just.

Yeah.

Like. I'm starting to get really interested in, like this space between two people that happens. It's like this- It's like a potion, it's Hogwarts.

What you're saying is so deep. Like. I think it's so helpful, because when I like someone, I just think they don't like me. back, right? Like that's my go-to story.

Like you're getting rejected, you don't want to be rejected.

Yes. Or that you need to change something, and then it will be. And it's like, no, sometimes it's just not. Sometimes it's not.

And you can love the person or like think they're on the page is so perfect. And that the vapor in between just isn't exactly what you want.

Or they have the smell.

Well, that's the smell is- The vapor has a smell. Yes.

The smell is a chemical sort of manifestation of the emotional stuff too, which is like, oh, it just doesn't work.

Yeah. So fascinating.

Well, speaking of couples, should we talk about- Yes. Okay. So you binged.

I binged couples therapy. And part of the reason I'm so tired today is I did it again last night. But two nights- Monica, you watched the whole season? No, not- I did half. I did half.

I've seen, yeah. I've seen clips. Clips on TikTok.

Dax and I both had not heard of it. So they started it, Kristen and Dax started it, and they were like, it's really, really good. So I started it a couple nights ago. And I started it at 8 p.m. And I watched the whole first season.

Wow. You were completely- Because I watched an episode, and I was absorbed. It's very- You feel immersed, and it's very intimate.

It's so intimate.

And you feel like you're in there. Yeah. You feel like you're not supposed to be in there, but you are.

Yes. That's why.

Wow.

And what is also so interesting is there are people who, at first, you hate. Ew. Why is anyone in a relationship with this person?

Am I going to start liking the guy? that's like a complete narcissist? You might. Oh, God. I knew it.

Yeah. Like, this person is not okay.

He's just contrarian. I can't stand contrarian. He disagrees with everything anyone says.

Absolutely.

We end up liking him.

And I, by the end, I was like, I get him. Whether I like him or not, I understood him. And you meet these couples, and you think, oh, my God, she's amazing. Why would she ever be in a relationship with him, or vice versa in some of these? And you just start meeting all the pieces of everyone, and you get it.

It's crazy. What I loved about it is-.

How far did you get?

Well, I only went, because I had this gala. Oh, my God.

What gala?

Best Buddies.

What's Best Buddies?

Best Buddies is like a friendship program. If anyone wants to get involved, there's chapters literally all over the world, so wherever. It's between people with disabilities and people without disabilities, and you just get a buddy, and you hang out, and they have a job. It's an amazing organization. That's awesome.

So I tried to- That'll happen. Yeah.

Also, okay, hard pivot. I feel like there's something going on with Ubers. The drivers don't get paid enough. Everything's mocked. Yes.

Do you put quiet preferred? I do. I know. And I have earphones.

I just think, again, I just think everyone's not doing well. That's just how I feel about everything, everywhere, all at once.

That's not a thing.

To your point, coming back to couples therapy, what struck me about watching that show and something I've been reflecting on lately is like, I don't say anything. In so many of my relationships, I've never done couples therapy, and I've done a lot of personal work, right? And I've been with people who've also done personal work, but I've never done the couples therapy thing. But yeah, it just struck me that I'm honest, but I have trouble... When I'm disappointed or someone does something, I'll find it almost humiliating to have to tell them.

Right.

And that's the uber situation. I just need to say, can you put the music down instead of just being angry the whole ride? And then talking about it on a fucking podcast.

Yeah. Yeah. It's true, because I guess it's weighing. Is it worth it? Yes.

That's an economic... Yeah.

That's an economic term.

But do you struggle with that? Can you tell people when you're hurt?

Yeah. But I've done a lot of work on that and sometimes it's not worth it. I always am evaluating, is this conversation worth having? And not like, because what will it cost me? What will I gain from having it?

Yeah.

But like Uber driver, you should say.

I just feel... Anyway. It's like, I'm like, he's, you know, or she.

But it's like... But it was a guy.

It's often... The one with the best musical taste was a woman. That's why I let her... I also was like, that's fine. But yeah, I guess there's a part of me that's like, whatever, it's going to sound like I'm...

You're being compassionate.

Yeah. It's like, they're driving and driving is so stressful and they're dealing with all these people and like, they just want to listen to their music, you know?

So, when you say that, does it erase the anger? No. It doesn't. Okay. Well, it doesn't...

It's like, I almost feel like I need to talk about this. I feel so overstimulated lately. Like I actually started wearing earplugs, even like walking around. Like I feel like I'm... Sounds and like lights, like I just feel a little overstimulated.

Well, that for me is anxiety.

Oh, okay.

Mine very much presents itself like that. And of course you're anxious right now. You have a lot going on and the world has a lot going on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm probably just more sensitive. I'm a Pisces. I'm sensitive to begin with.

By the way, so many people have said that we are, so... We are stereotypes of our size. Oh, really?

Yeah. I think that's right.

So the mix of the Virgo, Pisces, they say it's fun.

It's fun. I mean, it's working for me.

Yeah, me too.

I think we balance each other out.

Good balance. In some ways we're synced and in other ways we're not synced at all. Which makes us synced. Exactly.

I was going to say. We're learning the lessons we need to learn from each other.

Yes, exactly. So over... Well, I hope that, yeah, maybe more meditation to try to, like you said, turn the lights down, take a time out.

Yeah. I just need to be my own kindergarten teacher. I'm like not joking. Like. I just need to like have playtime and turn down the lights and just have naps and let myself...

We are supported by Warby Parker. You, Liz, are currently wearing your Warby Parker glasses.

Not even on purpose. I just wear them every day now.

I love your glasses. Thank you. They look so cute. Thank you. Mine haven't come yet, but I'm so excited for them to arrive.

Oh my God. I love it.

I love it.

So I went in. actually, I got an eye exam, and it was like the best eye exam I've ever had, because I can't see at night and no one has ever given me like a real explanation. and the optometrist at Warby was like, you have large pupils and so your eyes are adjusting, and so now I feel like I'm not losing my eyesight. Oh my gosh. She was great.

I did the home try-on program and it was so fun on the website because you can virtual try-on. Yeah. Warby Parker offers everything you need for happier eyes, eyeglasses, sunglasses, contact lenses and eye exams, and you can shop with them online or in stores. Glasses start at $95, including prescription lenses. Try Warby Parker's free home try-on program.

So let's run the gamut.

Let's do a few cues. Also write us some questions. Yes. Submit questions.

We love your questions.

To the website. We love your questions.

We love small town gossip. They don't have to be big existential questions. No, exactly. They can be like very specific, like the more specific kind of the better.

The better. I agree. Yeah. I'm with you on that. I loved the engagement ring one last week.

Yes. We went deep.

Yeah. And I hope you saw our video. We haven't done it yet.

I was like, do we need a video?

Check out our video.

The subject line?

Yeah. Wow. Okay, great. Okay. We love this.

Gossip is so hard to resist. We all do it. It's how we evolved as human beings. It is. Even.

It has so many positive outcomes.

It has a purpose.

But it also has so much destruction and can get you fired.

Yes. That's one thing I learned when I was stupid in 26.. I was like, oh, they own all of the channels.

Yeah, you are particularly, like, you're very vigilant, I would say. When you text and stuff, you always give, like, pseudonyms, which I laughed so hard at at first when you started texting.

And then I get it. Because you never know. You never know who's around when the phone pops. I've been in crazy friend situations where there was, like, one of our friends was reading people's phones. Oh, God.

That's your reputation, your livelihood.

That is, to me, there's no nuance there. And even doing it as a group, like, I would almost find, like, one person. Usually you'll have your work, bestie, right? You can just look at each other. Yeah.

It's hard, though, because I think it's nearly impossible to keep a secret. I really... Oh my God. I do. I do, too.

Oh my God. Don't commit murders with your co-worker.

That's not a line.

Oh, my God.

No, don't. They will throw you under the bus.

You might lose your job.

You might. You might. But yeah, so if two people commit a murder and those two people truly do not tell anyone, that's the only way. But if one person tells their wife, it's already over, everyone knows you're in jail.

Yeah. I mean, do you watch your party? It's all that. I haven't watched it. Even if they do it together.

Wow. That's so false. Okay, but I have a cautionary tale I want to share for this person. I know someone who works at a company, revered jobs, hard to have, and a bunch of the people got fired because they were on a slack. They were talking about some other people in the workplace.

Yeah.

They had big jobs and big positions.

Wow.

And they got fired over gossip.

And the content of the chats, was it like, this person's annoying? Or was it about their work?

That I don't know. That I don't know. That is such a cautionary tale because, especially if you feel safe in your job and, like you're doing well in your job, you feel sort of inoculated and you forget there are people above you, and people are people and have hurt feelings. And if they have power over you, you have to understand that in a professional setting.

And it's humiliating. Yes. Because it happened to me once. A small little company I worked at and I sent a Google chat at that time, instead of to my friend, my bestie, gossipy about my boss, to my boss. No, Liz!

No!

I did. No! And that's why I'm paranoid. Fuck. Yeah.

What did you say?

It was like, it wasn't as bad as some of the things that I think I'd previously, like, of all the things that could have ended up in his chat, it was probably the three out of 10.. But it still was. clearly, he was just bringing, whatever, if I get too specific, it'll be, well, who cares. But it was just like a really janky fire escape. that was basically the conference room, honestly.

Were you able to pull it off?

I mean, it was one of those things where I think he knew, but he just was like, okay,

like, yes. He was gracious. Yes. That's nice.

He was gracious. And exactly. And I, I was crushing it. They couldn't get rid of me.

See, that, but that, but that is what I'm saying. That's what, some of these people were killing it at their job, in a big job, and it didn't matter. Yeah. If someone's upset enough and they're your boss, you're gone. Yeah.

I mean, I had a, a work bestie, we made up names for every, everyone has a pseudonym that, code. names that, like, have nothing to do, you can never know. Like, and we use that, but then, I think there's always a line, right? Where gossip can be fun and, again, help you connect, and that's how we evolved as a human race. But if you're even asking the question, it probably means you've crossed that line.

Yeah.

Where it's actually not bringing you closer together, and people feel it.

I know.

Even if you use code names, even if you're, you know, not even doing the look and you wait until after the meeting, people will feel it. They will. And then you're going, that, you're, you're isolating yourself in a way, you know, from other people. And the last thing I'll say is also, particularly with gossip, I, I have been trying to be much more mindful about how much I'm doing it, because gossip also makes you feel like you've done something, and it actually just is going to build up resentment, because the person or the people around you will keep acting the way that you do. Oh, yeah.

And I, I just think it just creates negativity. Yes. Well, that's it. And it can be fun. And it feels like a, a relief and a release when you, when you gossip.

That's a Michael Scott direct quote from The Office. Like, why are you the way that you are? To Toby. It is.

It is. So true.

And that's okay.

Like, it's also fine. You will not like everybody. No, you won't.

That's my point. I'm not saying try to like everybody. You won't. But you can recognize, that is not a person I like. I don't like this, this, and this about them.

No.

Or whatever. They can't sit with us. Whatever. Just find the reason. And it will bring you some compassion.

Yes. And it'll be less tempting for you to create again. And that's why it's fun. You know, you're creating storylines. You're just creating your own page.

And now you know this person can't, sorry, but there's a leak. And so you have to tighten that shit up.

I don't. It's scary. That's very bad. Yeah. And again, you don't know.

Just watch your back a little bit. And know, just like universal truth, that you're not special. If people, if whoever you're talking to in this group, you're talking about other people,

people are talking about you. Talking about you.

They are, probably, because they're inclined to. And it's kind of like, do I want to be part of this? Because I've had that. I have a friend who really engages in a lot of gossip. And I love her, but I really recognize, oh, I know for certain she's talking about me too.

Yeah.

Oh, except if it is affecting you or your work, I think that's something you have to address. If you think your work is getting stifled or stamped on or whatever, stomped on, that's something for you to either have a conversation about with a superior in a very professional way. In fact, I would do that. I would not even talk to the person. I would just talk to the boss and say, I'm struggling with this right now.

And also, this just came to mind, but gossip about your work with people who you don't work with too. Like if there's something that needs to be, right? Like my work. bestie from a previous job just started a new job, and she's just sending me slacks of like stupid things. And so we can commiserate, even though I've literally never met these people, obviously, I'm not there.

I agree. Okay. Okay. Did we do this one? How do I increase the amount of sex I have in my relationship?

We've done a sex, a different.

We have done a sex one. Let's see if this, right, okay. We haven't done this. No. Hi, Monica and Liz.

Ooh. Pfft.

Sex is so deep. I know it from couples therapy. Season two. Yeah.

What did they talk about?

There's a couple, almost exact same question, gender reversed, where the boyfriend texted the girlfriend and basically said, I don't think we're having enough sex. And then, when they were talking to the couples therapist about it, weight came up as an insecurity. And it's so sensitive and wanting to feel wanted and attractive. is we all want that. And it feels devastating to think you're not attractive to your partner.

I want to be in couples therapy.

It looks fun. The way they sit is interesting.

It's that you have, like, you, kind of have a fact checker in the room, right? Like, because in therapy, on one on one, you can kind of, I mean, if you have a good therapist, they'll, you know, notice and check you. But overall, you can kind of just say, they don't know, but there's someone else in the room that's like, I was there. That's not actually, you know. And I also had that feeling watching it too, where I was like, man, I wish I could do this, because I would learn so much about myself, like, and there's so many things that I just wouldn't be able to avoid.

I feel like we should normalize couples therapy for any relationship.

Should we go to therapy?

Oh, God. Maybe.

Should we have Esther come in and do it? Oh, God. She did a whole thing about friends, because she says that. She's like, the fact that friends don't go to therapy. It's weird.

Okay. Because I want to say that, too. I want to say you have to have a hard conversation and you have to lead with your vulnerability and you have to say, I'm feeling like this about myself. And I'm wondering if you're feeling it. because, okay, in the episode of the couples therapy, the girlfriend says, yeah, he's gained weight and I don't like it, kind of.

Or maybe he won't.

I don't know. But I hope he meets you with his honesty, so you guys can really figure this out. But do you, Liz, as someone who says you can't even tell the Uber driver to turn down the music, if something physical was happening with a partner, there were some physical changes, who knows, wait, whatever, that you did find unattractive, would you be able to say it?

It's so funny because, as we were talking, that's what was in the back of my mind. The question of like, is that ever appropriate? That's the moral, right? Like, are you supposed to just love your partner unconditionally? And that's what I like to believe.

He loves your parts.

Love my parts. And actually, that doesn't feel good to me. That stresses me out. Because then I'm like, that means that I have to maintain this. Or that means that if something happens, AKA childbirth, like particularly women's bodies.

Okay. So this is interesting. In theory, I a hundred percent agree with you. I wish we lived in a world where physical, by the way, it sounds like they are in a loving, committed relationship, that the love is not on the table here. So I think that's good.

But that's the thing, you can't get in a relationship being like, well, this is what you look like, you have to look like this the whole time. It's not an expectation anyone should have.

It's not. Also, we don't know. We don't know if this person is feeling that way or not. Right, right, right. But we also are humans and sometimes things aren't as physically attractive as others.

What's halitosis? What does halitosis do?

Chronic bad breath. Chronic.

Oh, okay.

Okay?

Okay.

That would be very hard for me. I don't think I would divorce that person or leave them, but I can't lie and say that's not going to affect my physical attraction and our sex life. But maybe if we had a conversation about it, I could say, look, that's why I'm saying, could anyone ever really have this conversation where I could be honest and say, look, I love you. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here.

Yeah. There's something physical. Yeah. And separating it from the emotional. Yes.

And I love you, no matter what, but physically we have a little ish and maybe there's some like middle solutions or something that we'll never get there if we don't have that conversation. But it also feels, I get, that it feels impossible to have that conversation.

I feel like when I really love someone, even the things that are, like, we've talked about this with someone that I was dating that has other people think, yeah. And I was like, oh no, I love that. Like, because I was so.

100%. Yeah. That's different, though. You like it.

I wasn't like, this smells great. You kind of come to love the things that are imperfect about them. Yes.

But that's different, right? Because you're falling in love with him and you know it. It might be different. It might be. I don't know.

Why is it so. They should give us classes. Medals.

Well, yeah, he's apparently saying they're both saying yes.

But even if there's this new physical change, right. I think in certain cases, it's not really your job to tell them that this turns you off as much as, okay, wait, I don't put this. If they're aware of it and they're managing it, it's not your job to.

Wait, which person?

If your partner, again, I feel like, also like some people might have these things where, you know. I know. I know.

I don't want to make people feel bad. I know. Me either. But I want to be honest, because I do think probably a lot of people have dealt with this. Yeah.

In sickness and in health, though. What do you do with that?

But in sickness and in health doesn't mean I'm going to have sex with you in sickness and in health. Okay. This is the difference. And I do think there's a real difference. We also don't know that someone's got a disease in this question.

I saw it with my family. I think I had a model where, like, I think, most people would have left.

I love that. You do have a very optimistic view, which I think is beautiful.

And yeah, when you commit, it's a choice every day.

You commit. You've decided. And I don't think that's necessarily the same as physical attraction. And I do think we have to parse those two out.

And it probably helps to do that, right? Because then it doesn't make it this personal rejection thing of, again, you don't want to be with me. It's like, I think your view is good in the sense of like, if you take sex as a metaphor for your whole relationship, then you might turn it into a bigger thing or the issue won't get resolved. Then it's become this whole, do you really love me? And I think that's how it feels.

Yeah. Sam, you're perfect.

Yes.

And I hope.