Prepare for Tour with Me [VIDEO]

Nope, I was just on my hands and knees, patting down the most potent pee that I've ever seen on this gray carpet. Bruce is nine months old. If you guys don't know who that is, that is my dog, okay, there's Bruce and there's Henry. Bruce is such a little fucking slut. Like whenever he meets anyone, he cannot keep his legs closed.

Literally, he will fall to the floor, he will flip over and just open his legs, and he just wants you to rub his penis. Like father, like son, Bruce has just been getting after it like this little hornball. And he just can't stop peeing when he sees people now, so he never was peeing. He's potty-trained everything, but recently he gets so overly stimulated and excited when he sees people that when he flips over, he starts peeing. But the issue is because he's flipped over on his back.

He starts peeing on himself. This issue, though, was it started to dribble down and I'm like, Bruce, you're fucking peeing on yourself, and then the pee got all on. This like light gray carpet that we have. Lauren just got in town, same thing happened. She shows up, Bruce flips onto his back, wants his penis rubbed, and then at the same time just starts peeing on his fucking self.

And I'm like, Bro, it's just so cute, cuz he's so excited, he just gets so happy to just be loved. Henry is like, I only like two people in this world.

My mom, my dad and everyone else get the fuck away from me. Unless you really put in work with Henry, Henry is hard to get, Henry is someone that you have to actually work really hard. To have him respect you and want you to even touch him, Bruce is like, Oh my God, the mailman, hi penis rub.

Oh my god, this woman walking down with her fucking cane penis rub. the CVS woman penis rub. Like he is constantly just spreading his legs and opening up.

We were at dinner with a couple friend of ours, the couple was talking to us about this home that they have in Wyoming. And I was just sitting there listening to them talk about the river and the horses and nature. And I was like, Wow, like, I've been so fucking stressed out. Like that sounds like a dream to be one with motherfucking nature instead of my phone and work. And so we left that dinner and then they texted us that week and we're like, guys, we actually think we're gonna go to the ranch, would you guys want to come with us?

And immediately I'm like, Yes, I feel so excited for all the amazing, great, fun things going on business wise that I have coming up and going on. But, like, I have a really bad tendency to lean in to the point where I am.

So bad at making time for anything else other than work. I'm working on that in therapy of like. Work-life balance is definitely something that I'm sure a lot of you guys experience. Maybe your life balance is better than your work, or your work is better than your life. I also know it's like, I'm at that point in my life where these are the years that I want to grind it out.

I don't have kids, I don't have any other responsibility other than my relationships and my work, but sometimes I should try to do something fucking else. You know, it's always good, even if you like something, it's good to step away from it so that you you appreciate it more when you come back. Anyways. Wyoming, I cannot explain to you. And I feel like our generation is a little luckier, like millennials, millennials. I know a time in my life when I actually went outside and played manhunt with people and played Capture the Flag, and played sports games outside in the cul-de-sac in my backyard. And I feel like now kids just don't do that anymore.

It's like, here's the tablet, here's the iPad, here's the whatever. Like, I had to go to fucking Olive Garden with my parents and draw on the the table with crayons. There was no such the fucking thing as a tablet that I could like. Play games, I had to be creative and play my own games, as I'm sure a lot of you listening had to do, too.

And there is something so healthy about being so present with nature. I don't remember the last time I was as happy as I was when I was just in Wyoming. We got there and their ranch has all these like little cabins. Matt and I got this cabin and it had like a bedroom and a bathroom, and basically that was it, and it was so perfect. And we just look outside and there's horses and ATVs and fucking nature and wilderness. And it was like, whoa, I felt like I was able to actually disconnect off my phone.

We're holding this thing 24 7. And so I was just so happy and you guys, little backstory on my mother. So when I was growing up, my both of my parents were very athletic. And my dad played hockey in college, and he also played baseball and tennis, and he was just like bit loved athletics. And my mom was an equestrian, that sounds so fucking bougie. My mom did not come from like money, but like. She was an only child. And she was so good at riding horses, and she was one of, like, the top nationally ranked equestrians.

Well, I question such like a bougie fucking word. I've always seen these pictures of my mom and I've never ridden a horse in my life. I think there's something to be said if, like your parents, like doing something. I feel like we're obviously a percentage and a part of them. So I'm like, maybe I'll enjoy horses too, you guys.

When I got to Wyoming, I could not get off my horse. Shout-out Eddie. I immediately connect with this horse and I just felt so fucking happy. Matt and everyone was like, Okay, we're done riding horses for the day. And I was like, No, I want to keep going, like, No. And it came really naturally to me. And I was just, and I Matt's behind me, like, struggling, like I think I'm ready for, like a whiskey, like I don't need my ball.

He's like, I love the horses, but like, every time we're riding, my balls are just getting fucking crushed on the saddle. Meanwhile, I was like, Ooh, my vagina is loving the feeling like I'm vibing with it, like a little like it felt great. Okay, me and Eddie, we're getting along. Us and nature equals happiness us, and technology equals. Not so fucking happy unless we're using it in a way sparingly that will make us happy. Like you, listening to this podcast on your way to work or at work. So, anyways, I had a great time in Wyoming.

I was thriving and then I got back. I'm getting ready for this tour that I'm going on and I just want to talk to you guys about it for a second. I wouldn't say going on tour is something that I've dreamt of my whole life. Cuz like, when you think of going on tour as a kid. You're like, Oh, I don't like sing, so I'm not gonna like be in an arena singing.

So this wasn't something that I had, like, dreamt of, but I definitely I feel like there's this bond that we have. But it's so virtually connected, obviously, I can't hang out with you guys every week. I wish I could watch the episodes with you guys and have discussions about them every week. But for the most part, I'm recording these episodes. And then I'm pressing upload. And then I'm going in picking up Henry's shit or wiping Bruce's fucking pee off of my carpet. The minute I started call her daddy, I just knew one day I needed to be in a room with you guys, even if it was just like for a meetup.

There's just been a lot that's happened throughout my time with Call Her Daddy, and it's just never has felt like the right moment. Because if I'm gonna do it, I want it to be right. I've never been on a stage in the capacity that I'm about to be on one. I remember one of the first times I went on stage was my good friend. Hannah Berner was in New York City and I remember she was doing a comedy show. And Matt and I went by to like, support and watch. And Hannah was like, What if I bring you up on stage? And I'm like, a bitch, No? And she's like, Come on, like you are gonna go on tour one day. Alex, and like, Hannah's been so instrumental in encouraging me to have the confidence to do this kind of thing.

I remember in New York, she, like, pulled me up. I blacked out well, both, I was drinking and I just blacked out, and I don't even remember what I said. And I remember getting off stage and there was Daddy Gang in the audience and you guys were so supportive.

But I was like, What the fuck, what the fuck? It's not like, natural to stand on a stage and talk to people and like, I'm not a comedian, Hannah has jokes, she's a fucking comedian.

Chelsea handler. She's a comedian, like, Oh, I can think of these people that are comedians, I'm not a comedian. How do I entertain you guys on a stage? And so I've been really putting a lot of thought into what I want this show and this tour to be without giving it away.

I am so proud of it and I think it's going to be so fun. That is like my main goal. Like I said, I just want you guys to have fun and I want to have fun too, but as long as you guys are happy, I'm fucking happy. I will say the stories that I am remembering, going through each phase of my life are appalling.

That I've never told some of these on caller daddy. Like, I am remembering even more stories from Boston that I was telling Lauren when she got here, I'm like, Lauren, I did you remember this story? Lauren's dying?

She's like, Are you gonna tell that on tour? And I'm like, I don't know if I have enough time. But if not, I need to do a Caller Daddy episode about it. I'm gonna get sappy for two seconds, okay? For the past five years, and now this is, we're going on to our sixth year.

I have grown up with you guys and I don't take that lightly. Like, I recognize that a lot of the stories that I'm telling about my life. You guys dM me and you're like, I relate to this, or I connect to this, or I have experienced something similar. When you have that type of relationship where we feel like we're growing up together, there's just like a different level of a bond. And even though I know I've never met you guys when I get into a room with you guys. Even when I meet some of you on the street or at, you know, wherever I am. There's like an emotional reaction I have every time I meet you guys, because I feel like I already know you when I meet you. If you're Daddy gang, I know you, you are confident you are constantly working and fighting for what you want in your life. And we have a standard that we're trying to set and I feel like we're a part of this, something bigger than just like a show. Like, I genuinely feel like there's this community. When you meet people in the Daddy gang, you're like, Oh yeah, I fuck with you, cuz like we are like-minded daddy gang. I feel like is so dope that you guys are gonna be like, Oh, you came alone. Like, come hang out with us, let's go to the bar after together. Like. And it's also cool that it's in a city where if you live there, you can actually make friends.

If you're watching this and you were nervous about coming to the tour alone, you're not alone, you're literally with the daddy gang. And I think it's gonna be dope that you should tell people like, I came alone, like, what are your guys names? Like? Everyone should meet and mingle. If you're all in this city together, why don't you guys all become friends? And you immediately have a conversation starter?

Hi, my name's Rebecca and I like holler daddy, you too great, let's go talk about it. Please do not feel weird coming alone, you are not alone, and also I'm there and I'm gonna be alone on stage.

Okay, for some of it. I just wanted to thank all of you, though, because it means a lot to me. And this doesn't feel like a job. And I feel really, really fortunate that you guys listen to me every week. But yes, okay, I'm gonna stop rambling about that.

Daddy Gang I.

What the what the fuck? What do you mean? Tour rehearsals like, What are we gonna see on this show?

I thought, you're just like sitting in a chair and talk, Daddy gang, you didn't think that the show was just gonna be a static show? I want to entertain you in every single possible minute of my life that I'm breathing. And that means that this is not gonna be a normal tour. I know you guys are like, Um, babe, I bought a ticket, but I have no idea what I bought the ticket for.

Just have no fear, your father is here and I've got you. I will say I'm feeling really grateful, I have so many amazing people like around me right now. But what I didn't realize is how many people a tour takes to make shit happen. I've seen so many people being like, bitch.

Okay, the tour is Bachelorette themed, which again, just to give some context. Like, when I started this show, I had no idea the amount of community and quite literally family that this show would build. I feel so connected to you guys and so it doesn't feel right to celebrate my bachelorette without you guys. I'm gonna rage with you on stage, we're gonna rage together on this tour.

But what do you wear? what do you wear? Because although it's a bachelorette, you fucking know me, daddy, gang sweat at all cost. I'm gonna have a couple outfit changes, but what I will say is this. Wear whatever the fuck you want to wear to tour. If you want to wear your sweatpants, your unwell sweatsuit. Fabulous, get it, bitch.

If you want to go all fucking out and wear a hot little dress and show the fuck up and get those Instagrams, get your Instagram. I am totally excited to see you guys make shift, whatever you want to make shift, and I just want you guys to know. Just keep in mind who's gonna be in the audience with you guys. The daddy gang, it's literally gonna just be a bunch of people that are like-minded and we all vibe and fuck with each other, so no one's gonna be judging. If you want to come in your sleeping bag, babe, bring the sleeping bag, okay, if you want to come in your prom dress.

But I would say I think it's either sweat or it's like vibing out for a bachelorette theme. Can we bring signs? You can absolutely bring signs, please bring signs. I'm like, gonna be up there talking and I am so ADHD that I will not be able to not be like, what does that sign say?

What does that sign say? So please bring signs. And also some people are like, babe.

Is this for me to bring? Like my fiance and my partner? Men are welcome, obviously. Yes, of course, there's gonna be so many girls and gays here, but like, we can have the straight men come through. If you want to bring your boo, bring your fucking boo, Matt's gonna be here, maybe you'll see a little appearance from him.

I don't know. Also, let's pregame a little bit. I will be pregaming, which means you should be pregaming the fuck out of this show responsibly. Of course, don't come in and be like, I'm so fucking hammered. Um, yeah, let's keep it like out of nor by the end of the night, hammered.

When maybe you come in, make sure the police aren't having to escort you out because you're vomiting all.

Listen, bye boys. Oh, what do you think that was about? Um, oh, I'm gonna put this out there, so you guys just know this.

I know that this is my job to talk for. Living on a podcast like this, I'm not used to being in front of thousands of people watching me talk. So I'm just gonna let you guys in on this because you're my family and my friends. I'm fucking nervous, like, I'm nervous because I just want everything to go so perfectly. And I want you guys to have a good time as it starts to come together. Like, I'm just so fucking excited. And by the time this comes out, okay, this is Sunday, this Friday.

I am opening the tour in Boston and it feels really fucking cool that it's in Boston. There's something really nostalgic about, like so much of call. Her daddy was birthed in Boston. Of who I was and things that I was doing and decisions I was making, all started in Boston. That formed me into the person that press record on episode 1 and started talking about Dick and Boys and all the good things that you all remember. So I'm excited.

Daddy, gang me, you the vagine, this mouth. If you can't make it on tour, which makes me really sad, I'm always gonna take care of you if you can't come to this tour.

One day you will feel like you were a part of this tour. Have no fear. Okay, come with me, I'll give you guys a little sneak peek and then I do have to go, let's go out.

On this side, there's a pole.

Thank you very much, thank you so much.

No, no, this is my first time ever. this is the first time I've ever done it. It's coming together.

And thank you, thank you, thank you. Oh my god. Okay, I'm so happy that you're here. That makes me also feel better because there's something about knowing, like, you care about the show and you're like, also, daddy gang. I'm like, Oh, we got each other, we got each other.

Okay, daddy gang, that is it for this week's episode. I love you so much. I am about to go just shit my pants because I'm so nervous. And knowing I'm putting this out in this moment means I'm that much closer to going and being in front of all of you. So, go easy on your father.

And when I come out on that stage, I better fucking hear you guys making some noise because I've been screaming this whole time. I'm like, I will see you fuckers next Wednesday, this Wednesday, but I'll also see you fuckers on tour Friday. Goodbye.