My Ghoulish Figure

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Hey Brandon, meet Conan and Sona.

Oh, David Sona and Jane Lynch, I love what you've done with your hair.

Nice.

It was almost a swing and a miss.

No, no, no, Brandon, very nice to meet you and I understand you're a fan of the podcast. Thanks so much for contacting us. No problem, and I'm curious, Where are you calling us from?

So I am from Georgetown, Ontario. it's about 45 minutes outside of Toronto, a little more west.

Oh, beautiful, love it, love it there, love Canada, love Toronto.

So by day, I help manage a pizza shop here in town.

And by night, I'm whenever someone says by day, I'm scared because it could mean murder. you know what I mean? Most serial killers say by day I do this and then. But well, they actually they don't.

Think they just confess at the end, like, he's going to say, I murder, I do some murdering.

I'm anxious for the second part. So, by day, you manage a pizza place.

Yes, sir, and then by night, I'm a paranormal investigator.

Paranormal investigator So, paranormal investigator, meaning you are searching for clues, signs, or to make contact with ghosts? Is that correct?

Ghost spirits going into haunted locations, doing full-on investigations, using equipment and cameras and everything to try and see if we can end up getting some kind of proof of the paranormal. I guess you can say.

Sure, because you're a paranormal investigator. Yes, let me ask you a quick question, yeah.

I love Gislansky, he's the only one who uses it.

I love ghouls, I love ghouls. So is there a difference between a ghost and a spirit, or is there no real difference?

Not really. I usually like to use the term spirit, because the way I think about it, it's the passed-on version of what a living human person was. And everybody's got their own spirit, they got their own soul, they got their own personality. And I think it's just a way that I end up transferring over to the afterlife. So I like to use the word spirit instead of just a ghost. I think those are kind of two little gimmicky.

The two I like, as I said, are Ghoul and Specter. I like Specter. Hello, are you still there? Hello?

Brandon, Brandon, Hello, hello.

Is this thing on?

You would be really bad as a paranormal investigator.

No, I would say, you'd be like, guys, what are we going to call them, guys? No, I would never spend any time looking at the equipment. All I'd be saying is we've got to find a ghoul or a specter. That's all I do all the time.

Oh my god.

But it is very hard for us to see, like it's very rare for us to see something in person with our own eyes. I don't understand why that is, but that's why infrared cameras and film photography cameras end up coming into play. Because somehow it shows up a little easier that way.

Yeah, I'm just curious, do you go on this mission alone or do you work with a team?

Oh, hell, no hell. no, I'm not that brave. No, I actually got a team of about 10 people that I have with me, yeah.

Who's in the team?

There's myself, yeah, so there's myself, so my co-creator. Her name is Ashley. I consult with her on things before I go into investigations, but she can't do things in person anymore because she had a really hard time rebounding from investigations.

Wait a minute. So Ashley was on your team, she's your partner, and then she kind of had to step back. She still consults, but you're saying something happened on an investigation that made her have to step out.

She's very sensitive to whatever's going on there and I've asked her, like, how long does it take for you to recover from an investigation? She said. Up to two weeks. What, what? Because she's just so physically drained.

Can I tell you something? Brandon Yep. I hear from many of my employees that after contact with me, they need two weeks away from work paid to recover. And that's a common thing that I hear, and I've often been described as having a spectral color to my face, a ghoulish appearance.

I would say so.

Yeah, thank you.

And he's an expert.

He's an expert. Yeah, I'm a guy that likes to watch his ghoulish figure, and so what I'm saying-.

I can't be here anymore. That's going to take more than two weeks. You owe everybody an apology.

That's an old Munsters joke. Shout out to the Munsters. That's a great Fred Gwynn. Anyway, my point is you've got Ashley. I hope she gets better soon. I'm sorry that she had a bad experience, but that's a rough gig talking to you.

It is, it is. It's not for the faint of heart.

Do you have uniforms?

Yeah, do you have uniforms like the Ghostbusters? No.

Yeah, that's all it says.

No, we don't have uniforms. well, I mean, dress black, for the most part, just for aesthetic, I guess. But then it's funny because my mom, who kind of got me a little bit into this stuff, came into the fold to help replace Ashley as an investigator. Wait, I'm sorry, Brandon.

Your mom is part of your ghostbusting team.

Yes.

That's cool, I like that. I was going to family business, family business. Your mom is she very intrepid?

Well, she's had a put up with me for about 30 years, so I would say so, right.

But, I mean, there's some people who would be afraid to go. Well, let's cut to the chase. You've got a crack team here and you've got your equipment. I'm not sure what that is. You said, you have various cameras. Do you have any kind of electronic equipment that tells you if there's a special whoa?

Yeah, no, I actually have a piece of equipment here that actually measures EMS electromagnetic fields.

Oh, okay.

Got it, yeah.

Can you hold it up to David? Hold it up, David? Put your face near the camera. Oh my god, that thing's off the charts.

He does have a bad-.

You know what?

He looks good for his age, if that's the case, thank you, yeah.

Well, he's preserved, he'll never age, he'll be a boy forever, you're right.

Cryogenic.

So you've got your electronic equipment, and where do you go to find these? I'm at the risk of repeating myself. Ghouls and specters.

Oh God, yeah. So a lot of research goes into it. We go through online. We look at news articles throughout the province of Ontario, see if they have had any news stories on places that have had activity.

But, Brandon, let me ask you, and I'm just trying to drill down here. You say you're looking for evidence and they've had some kind of occurrence. But what would that mean? would it mean? Window panes rattling for no reason, toilets flushing on their own? Do you know what I mean?

So people have to have sightings of apparitions, apparitions.

That's another good one. I love apparitions.

Wordy they would have different poltergeist activity where things are moving on their own.

Well, that often means that you're insane, that you're having a, you know?

To most, and who knows, maybe I am a little bit.

No, no, not you. But I'm saying, if you're by yourself and you hear voices sometimes, then that's when they medicate you. Oh, I've had periods like that and then the medication set in.

Or it might be the ghosts.

Well, I prefer ghouls, apparitions and specters. Oh God, we're adding to the list.

Oh God, okay.

For the most part, with our group, it's definitely the ghouls and specters. With my expertise, I'm not qualified enough to end up doing the medicated areas.

What is the scariest thing you've seen that you've witnessed yourself, Brandon?

Oh, the scariest thing I have seen, so the scariest event that I've had happen was at a location just outside of Niagara Falls. It is called the Screaming Tunnel. ugh.

The screaming Tunnel. I'm writing this down.

Why?

Just to look like I'm part of the investigation. So it's a place outside Niagara Falls, called the Screaming Tunnel.

Yeah, so a very long story, but the longest short of it is. A legend says a father did very unthinkable things to his daughter, ended up murdering her in the tunnel and basically set her on fire. Jesus. So apparently if you go in that night, you light a match and you're supposed to hear the scream of the girl and the match goes out.

By the way, this story's a bit of a buzzkill. I mean, it's real dark, it's dark.

Well, ghost stories are cheery and happy.

When an old man's head gets chopped off, it's funny. Anything that happens to a kid is not funny. But like, if an old man who's kind of a dick anyway, gets his head lopped off, I'm laughing and I'll go see that.

Yeah.

And also we can't choose the crimes. This terrible thing happened.

The match goes out and then what?

How do you get out of the tunnel once the match goes out?

Well, most people end up running out, but not us. Oh, we tried the match experiment, we didn't hear the scream, it went out, but that could have been a draft or something.

Does the scream ever occur because you've held the match too long?

And the person gets a little hot in there. Yeah, no, that hasn't happened.

Hard path.

Hard path. And you're certain you think that those voices were not other people in the tunnel, those voices were....

A hundred percent, because we ended up having somebody on each end of the tunnel that we're actually kind of watching and making sure. Nobody was trying to fiddle around with any kind of evidence we may have been getting or anything like that.

Could you hear what the voices were saying?

No, it was just like a. it was very mumble and it was all jumbled up.

Is it possible that if you listened to the tapes, you'd hear?

I'm suffocating, yeah.

Everybody comes with matches and by the way, we prefer gold.

I'm saying.

Why do ghosts always say get out? because they'll kill you? No, but how come no ghost? I mean, when I'm a ghost and I will be a ghoul at one point, you will.

So you have to realize that that is a scary thing for you to do.

Oh, because people don't like talking to me.

I should stop shouting No, that's a scary thing for other people to do.

This is really riling me up because this is scary.

This is scary stuff.

I believe in this stuff and this is freaking me out.

Okay, have you learned anything? Do you ever feel compassion for these? I don't know? Apparitions, specters, ghouls. do you ever feel? I'm going to say it as many times as I can.

I think he's counting.

He's counting, I got to count, that's five.

No, no, no. Since this interview started, you're insane. I've done many more than that. Ghouls, apparitions, specters, anyway.

I wouldn't say compassion, what I will say is I have more of a comfort, I would say for when I pass away. To at least have the idea that maybe there is something else that we go to after the physical life. So we're not our energy, our spirit, and everything is not dead, it's just a physical machine that's operating our skin vessel, as Ashley would end up calling it.

I had a girlfriend once that called me a skin vessel, and not as a compliment.

So basically, what I'm hearing is Conan would rather be a shit disturber in life and not really in death, yes.

Yes.

What I'm saying is I think I've haunted many people and continue to in my lifetime, in my lifespan. And the idea that that would stop is maybe okay, not just for me, but maybe for the world.

I think so, I think we'd be fine with you just leaving.

You're happy with my death, you know what?

Just die.

We're good.

It took nothing for you to say that. No, she's fine with it, she's the most honest friend I have. But, Brandon, this is interesting work that you've chosen. Now I want to get back to the first thing you told us, which is by day you manage a pizza shop.

When I see a past co-worker that haunted me while working there, that comes in, there's that where I have a flashback experience. But in terms of my actual workings within the shop, No.

I will tell you this if I do pass into the spirit realm, the realm of ghouls, apparitions and specters. I do, and I'm all up from the beginning.

Could they smell it? I think they should be.

Yeah, but I would just like to be around it and then maybe I could become part of the pizza, what I love pizza that much.

You want people to eat you as a pizza.

Yeah, that's right. Wait, what?

Why did you say it like that?

I don't know, I thought it could be sexual, but I don't think it is anyway, Brandon.

Anyway, Brandon, do you have a question?

You have a question for us. Let's not encourage my perversions, but that is my kink that I one day become a spirit pizza.

When he passes out, Oh, greasy.

And we hope it's not for a long, long time, yes.

We hope Sona, we hope I know.

I'm saying, when he dies, I just want him to die.

You don't want him to haunt you. That's a hallmark card they haven't made yet. When you die, I just want you to die, and then there's a $5 bill in there, your grandmother.

I'll take that. So my question is, when you do end up passing on, you go on to the other life and you obviously you have your kids. Hopefully your kids outlive you, but if you, when you pass away.

What the fuck are you talking about? Yes, I want my children to live for hundreds of years after me.

That's not the question.

But what different antics would you end up? Pulling on your loved ones as a ghost, but making it unique enough where they absolutely know that it's you?

Oh, they're going to know it's me. Yeah, I mean, my bits are just classic Conan material, and that's a trademarked phrase, by the way, classic Conan.

I'm trying to think of what? Like, if you took a remote control and it just suddenly was in the place of where your mouth would be, then I could hear you going, Hey, I'm remote control. Mustache guy. Yeah, exactly, that's a good bit.

I'm going to knock your bun out for sure. Yeah, oh, you know what I would do? Yes, I love to. Sometimes I see Sona.

Or if I'm eating something and it suddenly just flies out of my hand, I'll be like, Conan's here.

That's what I was thinking.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, my favorite thing is when she's really enjoying a donut and she holds it out a little too far from her face. I can sometimes swat it and it goes flying across the room.

We saw you do it.

Or an apparition? Well, that's what I would do. I do those kind of antics, and I wouldn't be subtle. I don't like subtle ghosts.

I hope so, too, and if you're ever in the area, I would love to end up getting you and Sona on an investigation with us.

Very nice.

I'm busy, I'll be busy that day. She's scared, but you know what?

I don't know what fear is, so I'll see you there. Conan's going to go do bits for the girl in the tunnel, yeah.

Hey little girl.

Aw, look at this bit, all right? Thank you very much, Brandon. Take care.

Thanks Brandon, thank you, bye-bye guys.

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