Rum and Cokes in the Bathroom
2024-04-04 00:21:40
After 25 years at the Late Night desk, Conan realized that the only people at his holiday party are the men and women who work for him. Over the years and despite thousands of interviews, Conan has never made a real and lasting friendship with any of his celebrity guests. So, he started a podcast to do just that. Deeper, unboundedly playful, and free from FCC regulations, Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend is a weekly opportunity for Conan to hang out with the people he enjoys most and perhaps find some real friendship along the way.
Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcocoa.com. slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started.
Hey Bree, Meet Conan and Sona. Hi guys. how are you? how you doing, Bree?
I'm so good.
It's very nice to talk to you. Where are you right now, Bree?
I am in Providence, Utah.
You're in Utah. I love Utah, that's a beautiful state. Yeah, I don't know Providence that well.
Where is Providence?
It's pretty small. We are by Logan. Do you know Logan? I don't know Logan. We're like an hour and a half north of Salt Lake.
Okay, Salt Lake, I know, but it's a beautiful area. I've gone, spent a lot of time in Utah, done a bunch of skiing there and just walking around. I absolutely love it, the people are fantastic. Tell us a little bit about yourself, Bree?
Hey, I have been married for almost 19 years, we have six boys. Oh.
Good Lord, you have no bree, bree.
I have to tell you something, my mom had six kids and that doesn't happen as much anymore.
I have two children after our second child. My wife told her I'm never to touch her again. And Sona, you have two, and that's it for you.
We're done, we're so, and boys six, boys No.
Yeah, and I have twins, too.
You have twins also.
I do.
You are a superhero, that is a lot, thank you. What is the age ..?
Is there much of a gap between all the kids and years, or do they just come fast and furious?
They're kind of fast and furious. My oldest is 19, so 19, 17, then a gap because we moved for school, so I was like, we need a minute 13..
I need a minute. Okay, I need a minute.
Give me a break.
Then our twins are 11 and then our baby's eight.
Oh my god, wow.
Well, goodness, can I ask if you are? I mean, I can ask this, and you're free to tell me it's none of my business. But are you Mormon?
I was.
Oh, you were okay, yeah, did you ..?
You left the Mormon church, the Mormon faith.
We did.
Okay.
About a year and a half ago.
That must be quite a transition, because when you're Mormon, there are.
There's a lot of rules, and as all religions have, trust me, I grew up Irish Catholic, and there were a million rules, many of them which I fled.
I'm curious, that must be quite an adjustment, yeah.
Especially in the beginning, it was a lot for sure, like with our kids, and trying to now explain how things are going to be different. Yeah.
What would you say in your daily life is the most different thing for you now? That because I know there are a lot of there's restrictions about have you tried any alcohol or anything like that?
Yes.
I have, it's okay, you're talking to, you're among friends here.
Isn't it so fun?
Sona is drunk right now and so you should feel very much at home talking to us. What was the first drink that you tried?
My husband and I made a rum and coke in our bathroom.
You did it in your, you know, it's you're allowed to have a drink you're not making-.
We were hiding from our kids.
Okay, it's just so like, let's go have a little bit of rum and put it in some coke. If the police find out we're in trouble. I love that you also say we each.
You made one drink and you tried it. did you like it?
Yeah, it was okay, okay. I mean, they're all not great, but-.
That's true.
Yeah.
It was good. What's, they're all not great.
Liquor.
Oh yeah, yeah, some of them. You're just kind of like, What is this? No, I have to be honest with you.
Yeah, there's a bunch that people rave about and I try it, and it just all tastes like gasoline to me. Yeah, and I wonder, why does someone want to drink gasoline? That said,-.
Especially after 36 years of not having any.
Right, exactly, yeah. That said, I'm still open if any major liquor brand wants me to have a try.
Okay, I will. Oh, Adam's giving a thumbs up.
Oh my god.
Adam just booked five ads. Great, let me make a point. I don't care what the brand is. I will drink it, I will have it in my home and I will get the tattoo on my forehead if the money's right.
So Bree, all right, that's a big change. Yeah, have you had ..?
I know that Mormons don't drink coffee. Have you tried coffee?
I did yes, I don't like coffee.
You don't like it, it's an acquired taste. What did you? Yeah, it's got to be really good, well-made coffee.
What was the first coffee you tried?
I went to Starbucks, which I hear is a mistake. Oh.
Well, I just want to say I don't know if they advertise.
Oh god.
Enough for you guys.
I think they do, and I don't think it's a mistake at all, and I think it's a mistake for you to say it's a mistake. Oh my God.
Okay, my bad, this is so embarrassing.
People told me, that's the-.
Well, guys, people say a lot of things for your first drink. Okay, okay, people tell me, don't drink water because you won't get hydrated.
They're wrong. Starbucks. Try it, make it your next stop.
They were right, Yeah, you could try anywhere else.
But I had a pumpkin spice latte for my first drink.
Oh, you got? Wait. Your first taste of real coffee was a pumpkin spice latte, that's not coffee.
Maybe that was the mistake.
That's like saying, I want to try this thing called food. I think I'll have some captain crunch, that's not.-.
I love Captain Crunch, that is good.
I would do that if I've never had food before. You're right, that was a terrible example. Captain Crunch wanted to advertise they're out.
Yes, see, you did it. Now. Are they General Mills? I think I'm in good with them.
Anyway, all my conversations are driven. This is the saddest thing I've ever heard. You do just hand her. It is General Mills, isn't it?
Yeah, I know those guys, they're good, the General Mills, I know them, you know those guys, yeah.
The generals, Yeah, the General Mills guys and I. We hang out in a boat in the Caribbean.
Anyway, yes, you should try real coffee sometime. Put a little cream in there, don't take it straight black, but just try it again. What am I telling you this for?
Also, it has health benefits. Coffee, it does a lot of good for you, yeah.
That would be great.
All right, I just want to be sort of giving you a lot of life advice. Brie, I've learned a lot about you and I find this whole area very fascinating. You seem like a very impressive person. What do you do for a living?
Thank you, what's your occupation?
I own a bridal shop.
Oh, and can I say one thing I shouldn't have assumed? You don't like what's your occupation? You have 75 children.
Yeah, it just occurred to me how stupid that is because you have six kids. You have an incredible job, thank you. But you do also work at a, you said, a bridal shop.
So I was a stay-at-home mom for 18 years and supported my husband through his schooling and training and everything he was doing. And then just last October, actually, we opened a bridal shop, so I do that.
All right, so you're running a bridal shop? And then I want to know if the cliches are true. Because you always hear that the brides can get insane or family members can get insane. You've been running a bridal shop now for a while, what can you tell us is really the deal?
So brides don't tend to be too bad, it's typically the moms.
The moms really Sona, would you like to weigh in?
Well, I wanted a small wedding and then I had 550 people there and I didn't know.
A lot of them on my side and all but one or two were Armenian. I will say it was amazing, it was a full-on Armenian service that was beautiful, and then it was an incredible party.
Yeah.
But it was like we had all been transported to Armenia, it was incredible.
Anyone I've ever looked at in my life was invited. I didn't even really know a lot of the people, but yes, my parents took over my wedding.
Specifically, maybe your mom and I love Nadia. Nadia is strong and I mean that in the kindest way.
She is a strong woman.
She's a strong woman and when you go head-to-head with Nadia, it is the clash of the titans. It's amazing. I sometimes sit on a far hill and watch these two go after each other, like King Kong and Godzilla, it's incredible.
Boulders are thrown, lightning bolts are tossed. Yeah, but it was still a beautiful wedding, so you say, the moms.
So tell us what you've seen, Brie, describe some of the behavior of these moms, if you will.
So recently we had a mom who wanted to have alterations done to the dress. They had already bought the dress. Daughter loves the dress, everything's good.
Everything's happy, everything's fine, yeah.
And then she wanted certain alterations done, but said, But if we don't like the alterations, we want you to take the dress back. Ooh, and we're like, not really how it works. All sales are final. You signed a thing.
We explained she got really upset and it turned into a huge thing, with us ending and filing a police report. Oh.
Oh my god, now did she get physical?
No.
Okay.
I did bring my oldest son with me because I knew she was coming back. So he came in with me as protection because he's six feet tall and bigger than me, so he came in just to help, just in case. But she was threatening and did tell me that her husband would be coming to see us. And so I was like, Well, what is that supposed to mean?
Like to talk to what? And she wouldn't tell me.
Yeah, was she using any foul language?
Not too bad, no.
Okay.
What a weird question. Why are you asking about foul language?
Because Bree grew up in a certain way Mormon church, and I would just hate the idea of anyone using foul language around her. She's drinking rum and cokes in the bathroom, you know?
I also love foul language now.
Hey Bree, you're one of us. Yeah, welcome.
Fuck yeah.
Well.
Bree, I have to say I've not known you long, but I hate you. You just seem like a lovely person. I hate the idea of being someone, being mean to you, and I just wanted you to know. I'm 6'4, about 200 pounds.
I know my way around a punching bag. Not true.
You'd be like muscle.
Do you think I could be intimidating?
I think you could be intimidating, but I also think everybody knows who you are. So they're just going to be like, why is Conan O'Brien just hanging out at this bridal shop?
And I'd say, to rip your husband's fucking head off if he comes in here and turn it into a corsage. How does that sound to you? Shit for brains, I'm going to put my foot so far up your ass. You're going to taste shoe leather.
You know, it's that kind of stuff. I would just go monster on these people and they would go back and they would say Conan O'Brien was there. And he's taller than I thought, and his hair makes him like 6'8".
And he just seemed insane. And I think that would frighten them, and I don't think they would mess with you anymore. And then you and I would go to your bathroom and your husband would join us.
And we'd all share one rum and coke.
Each taking our turn with little, discreet sips and then off to Starbucks for a pumpkin spice latte.
Starbucks doing the best coffee since 1965.
You're not getting paid yet.
Don't do slogans and stuff.
Starbucks more than just coffee, also pumpkin. I'm just making up, I'm trying, I'm doing the best I can.
So that's interesting that you have.
He owes them money now. Listen, you could. What's really cool is, I think now you're starting to see that there's all those years when your kids are young.
And they have to take care of them and make sure they don't get hurt. But then they get bigger and older, and then they suddenly become this. You've got six dudes that have got your back for life and they love you.
Because I can tell you're a great mom and I'm not even including your husband, who I'm hoping is a badass. But let's just say he's not, let's just say his name is Quigley, and he's a stamp collector.
Okay.
Old quigs, old quigs. Mmm, got my stamps, honey. there's a guy here threatening me at the shop. Mmm, stamps.
So anyway, but you blow a whistle that you keep on your person and six monster dudes come storming in and they hear, Mom's in trouble. God, I wouldn't mess with you, I'm not going to ever mess with you.
Thank you, thank you.
And I've thought about finding a bridal shop somewhere about an hour outside of Salt Lake City and causing some trouble, but now I'm not going to do it.
Yeah, but what if they're sweet? Like, if your mom blew a whistle, the six of you wouldn't go and be like.
We're doing my mom.
You wouldn't do that.
No, I'd be, well, first of all, I'd say, well, I've got these interviews to do.
And then I'm having a facial over at the spa. Luke and Justin would say, Mmm, we're lawyers, we have legal matters to attend to. You know, my sister's got stuff to do. Neil's probably watching F Troop.
You know, so no, would we come? No, we would not. Sorry, mom, you're on your own.
Good luck with those thugs.
She's 92.
She can handle herself. Oh no, she's a policeman's daughter from Worcester, Massachusetts. She can give as good as she gets.
I have no compassion. Bree, you can probably see that. Oh my God, I've tried many times to become a Mormon. They wouldn't have me.
They said, I was just too malicious. No, yeah, absolute straight. no.
Very few religions I've applied to have wanted me to be part of this. You did an application, I've done many applications.
Applied to be Jewish? Absolutely not, they said.
Okay.
Bree, did you have a question for Conan? Hey, good one, David. I did it, I finally remembered to ask. He gets literally passed a note that has a giant question mark on it.
When the time comes, we could probably get a parrot and train it to do this, but that's what David's doing right now. David, here's your cracker. Do you have a question? Yeah.
Do you have a question?
Hey, so my question is, if you were to pick a bridal dress for you, what would you want it to look like?
Okay, I'm going to tell you exactly what I would do.
Well, you thought about this?
Oh, I think about dresses all the time I would wear. First of all, I've talked about this a bit in my career, in my life, and it's just true. I have a slightly disproportionate body. Again, very in person, you'd be impressed. I'm a good looking guy.
People always say this, they always say, you're much better looking in person, right, Sona?
And you're taller in person.
Yeah, I'm taller in person.
They do. They always say you're a better looking person, and I'm thinking, I kind of feel like it's an insult. How bad is it on TV? And then here I am, on this little podcast studio that can't look good.
Anyhoots? My point is I have very long legs and then maybe a relatively shorter torso, not a short torso, but relative to the rest of my body. So what I would want to do is I would want a dress that would break up where my waist was and maybe lower. Give the illusion of lowering the waist. Okay, okay.
I would like a padded ass, because I have no ass at all, just a washboard. Okay, cheer drop.
Okay, and we could do a booty tuck, too.
What does that mean?
So in alterations, you bring the fabric in under the bum and just kind of like, make it a little bit tighter there. So if you don't have much of a butt, you just kind of create it.
You should do that with your regular clothes.
I also love that you said, bum. I just love that. I don't know why. I never think of my bum, but there it is.
Yes, no, I want lots of padding back there. okay, a lot of padding. I would like padding in the chest region as well.
I want to have a full, ample bosom in this dress.
Are you turning into a woman in this dress?
If I'm going to wear a dress, I want to be very voluptuous, okay, I like to be very curvy, too.
I thought it was you just wearing a dress, but you're transforming.
Oh God, no, I want to go all the way, okay? I'd also take hormone treatments for about six years before I, Oh, okay, all right.
That sounds good.
I'd like a high heel because I think it's flattering on the leg. I have nice legs, nice long legs.
I can't wait until you wear a high heel.
I would like a high heel, so I'll be about 6'9, okay.
Okay.
Just this towering, voluptuous woman.
Yeah, very voluptuous, ample. I also would like, what? No lace. I'm not really into lace, okay?
I don't want any lace around the neck. okay, okay, plunging neckline.
Just around the neck or anywhere.
I don't really want lace. okay, I'm not much of a lace person, but I want a very long train, very long train.
I don't know if this has ever been done before. But I want a very long train. And then I want to put little characters and little figures on the train that travel with me. As I'm walking down the aisle, you know what I mean, I'm sure you can do that. It's sort of like a tribute to my career. Different figures, that, oh, there's Conan in the late 80s.
Oh, he's on the Simpsons, you know what? I mean, whatever, just stuff that tells my story. That's on the train. And it's kind of glued to the dress so it doesn't fall over.
I love that, that's the thing where all my bridesmaids are there. To make sure that the little figurines don't, the little figure of Lorne Michaels doesn't fall over the little figure of the masquerading bear. Sorry, I know you're formerly a Mormon anyway.
You're getting more lean.
There's Triumph, Vincent, Comic dog, just stuff that are associated with me over the years.
Yeah, I love it.
I think it'd be kind of fun. What kind of dress and what material would you suggest?
I would maybe do if you want more simple, there's crate fabrics, there's satin. It just depends on what feels good to you, what you think you would look good in.
I like a highly flammable.
I feel like you're a taffeta guy. Oh, taffeta. I might like taffeta. Yeah, I feel like you're in the taffeta world.
I'll go taffeta.
I'm sorry. did you say plunging neckline earlier? Yes, yes, oh, okay.
I thought I heard that, yeah.
We're going to create a bosom. She got it, show it. I've never said, because I never had it, but you know what I mean, yeah.
I want those bald men on the balcony, you know? Look over the railing.
Oh man.
Someone just told me that I no longer have a podcast. I love this dress, I love the idea of this dress. Thank you. I'm very impressed with you, Bree.
Thank you, Jesus, you're raising six boys, I think you're doing an amazing job. And then it sounds like you ran a tight ship. And then you started this business. And now you're dealing with hooligans and thugs that come by and threaten you.
And I've got your back.
Okay, thank you.
I really do.
I really appreciate that.
And I love, I do love Utah. So I'd love to figure out a way to stop by. And then just sort of wander around your shop and hope this abusive woman comes in. Okay, I'll let her know, and then if her husband shows up, oh man, you know, manslaughter.
Yeah, can't wait, I would love that.
What are you going to do? You're going to kill him, I'm going to kill him, okay?
That seems extreme, like it's just it's like a dispute over a dress.
Now they're going to file a police report.
I know.
I don't care.
You're making it worse.
I've had a good career and also I think it's going to really trend online. Conan O'Brien murders difficult man with his bare hands, Murders difficult man, Murders slightly difficult man.
He's just there, what if he comes in Bree, what if he comes in just to apologize for his wife's behavior? And I don't give him a second, I'm like, It's shit time, motherfucker, and then I just start ripping his lungs out.
He was just there with a very nicely worded note.
I apologize.
He hasn't been a part of this, I haven't heard from him, he could be a very nice man.
I'm sure he is not Bree. I really like talking to you and, as I said, I'm a fan and I hope our paths cross someday.
That'd be cool.
I would love that that'd be amazing.
Take care, Bree.
Thanks Bree. Thanks guys, nice meeting you.
Bye.
Bye.
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