Summer S’mores with Conan and the Chill Chums Season 3 Episode 1

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Summer S'mores With Conan and the Chill Chums a six-part series with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Mufsesian and Matt Gorley. Let's get started.

Hello there fans and welcome, I said that with such bitterness. Hello there fans. Welcome to Summer S'mores, another installment of Summer S'mores. And I say, I think I said fans, because I think this is one for the real hardcore fans, because I'm not trying to shoo anyone else away. I invite you to experience this. But this is kind of something special we do around this time of year and it's taken on a life of its own.

Well, the first year of this podcast, we did a special summer series with Dana Carvey called Deep Dive with Dana Carvey Deep Dive. Yes, then the next year. At this point, we had already had an argument about S'Mores and Conan, and I were absolutely correct in that. They're an overrated dessert. And so you did your best to defend an indefensible situation.

Yeah, that s'mores were something people actually liked. Two dry shingles with some tasteless goo jammed in between.

Tasteless goo is marshmallow and chocolate.

Two of the greatest desserts.

Usually a very inferior grade of chocolate, but anyway, that's okay.

Then we did a summer series where we debated that.

And then, and that took off, and guess what? The overwhelming consensus online was that we were correct. No, you don't check online, what are you doing? I went online earlier today.

You don't read stuff about the show, it's not like you're looking at comments.

I've got my finger on the pulse.

He has people for that.

I have people for that. I have three AI bots that tell me what's going on.

You don't know what to do with AI bots.

They also make my scrambled eggs in the morning. Oh, wait, that's my servant, Worcestershire, Matt. And then, because we called it Summer S'mores, we decided let's do one because we were debating Summer s'mores so much, we decided let's do one in your backyard.

A field test.

A field test so-.

We took a year off from the pandemic, then we did that.

We took a year off from the pandemic. Well, you took a year off. I did my best to create a cure. I worked very hard with various scientists. I'm not aware of a cure.

Right, right, we could have told you that, everybody could have told you that.

I wish someone had. I went and bought a lab coat at a Halloween store and said, Let me in here, I can fix this Covid.

You put on your doctor voice and they still didn't think you were-.

Well, that's not my doctor voice, that's my newsman voice, and that was one of the problems.

Can I hear your doctor voice real quick?

I kept throwing to traffic and weather. My doctor voice is, Hmm, yeah.

Hard to believe no one would trust that guy.

Yes, Covid's, hmm, yes, hmm, I'll need my microscope and my various hmm implements.

No, if anything, it was reinforced and it was decisive.

Yeah, decisive. It was just awful. Sona, did you like the s'mores we had?

I loved them, I could have had 40.

Right, can I just say one thing? This disqualifies you a little bit, which is after you ate the last s'more. I heard you saying, Yum, yum, yum, this is good too. And I looked over and you were chewing on a rock that you had found at the base of an oak tree.

Yeah, and you also had a bowl of our garden mulch.

At one point.

Oh, did I?

And you said, this is also good, and then you said, Yummy, yummy, yummy. what good pasta you were eating. A garden hose.

Oh, I didn't know you two were like food critics.

You also chewed through the wall of my house. You have such advanced palates, you two.

Look at you two with your cuisines.

It's a good thing you chewed through Gorley's wall, it's a good thing he had that glue trap because.

I hate this so far.

Well, listen, it's gonna get a lot better, but then for you, much worse. Okay? So we did that last and people seemed to really enjoy that. We were really outside, we loved it and then we were thinking, what do we do this summer?

Since the S'Mores debate's been settled.

We didn't need to cover that anymore.

We didn't need to cover that anymore, but let's say we wanted to move on from S'mores.

We did.

Yeah, we did okay, we did want to move on from S'mores. Very good Sona speech champion.

Yeah, and you've moved on from the English language.

National.

You've moved on from enunciating. But anyway, we decided let's try something a little different this year and the first decision we made, which I think is gonna work out. We haven't done it yet, but what we're going to do is we have this very nice facility here in the Larchmont area of Los Angeles, where we do our podcasting, there's editing facilities. It's a great place to hang. Guests that come on the show really like to be here. And we have an outdoor area that's quite lovely. And so we thought, what if we do it here outdoors at night? And record it over several sessions and maybe switch it up a little bit? But try and recapture some of that magic from last summer.

I think it's a great idea. The outdoor deck is just literally right outside this door, it's beautiful.

When you say this door, of course, this is an audio medium, let me tell the people he's gesturing to a door right here in the studio.

I think the words this door imply that there is a door.

Yeah, there are hinges and it opens and there is a knob and you walk through it and you enter another area.

I'm not familiar with what a door is, yes, and I'll be escorting you through one in about five minutes. It goes. There's a door in the studio that goes right to this very nice deck. You just said that, well, in this studio, yes.

Can I ask, will Matt be making drinks this time? Because last year everyone got a little?

Well, everyone, minus Conan, got a little I was. I showed a lot of moderation last year.

Tea Totaler.

Well, not a tea totaler, but I'm a professional, I am, I'm a professional. And last year, Matt, what did you make last year? It was amazing.

Last year, I made the chilled Chum.

Yeah, and tell us what it was.

It was bourbon, pomegranate juice, ginger, beer, I think maybe a little lemon, and then, as you put it, pulverized mouse hearts, but they were mottled strawberries.

There was little chunks of what looked like shredded mice hearts in there, but I don't care what it was. It was delicious, it was very good. Now here's what I'm going to say. I don't go too crazy. So I took it slow.

Good and tight.

Sona I'm going to say this, you don't even have to have that much.

No.

And you get wasted. And I remember this from the years and years of us touring, doing shows in other cities, traveling around. If we ever hit a bar, you would have one glass of white wine.

That was it.

And you'd be making out with a parking meter.

Okay, making out with a parking No, I would....

I'm talking about a very good looking parking meter.

Oh, okay, then yeah, obviously.

You're going to make out with a parking meter.

Yeah, and my tolerance is low, it's gotten even lower because I don't drink that often. Now I partake in, you know, Cannab....

Cannabi.

Cannabi.

Weed pot Jazz Cigarettes Weed pot.

Weed pot, jazz, cigarettes. So yeah, so your tolerance is even lower. So we just have to watch it this year.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going to be much more responsible than I was last year.

I can't wait.

Possibly, yeah, yeah, let's just see what happens.

I will, I'm going to, what's the word?

Moderate.

You don't even know the word I'm going to like, it's not in your dictionary.

Pace myself.

Have you done some pre-gaming?

No, no, I wish I did.

So I'm looking forward to it and we're going to hang out and I don't know what we're not going to do. S'mores this year.

No, but we've got really big plans a for a drink, but more importantly, the treat this year is pizza.

Oh my god, pizza is my absolute kryptonite. And I've said this many times for my final meal. Because eventually, we all know I'm going to be put on death row for something. Yeah, yeah, and they're going to say, What are your final meal?

I know that's a big thing.

For a wood-fired oven as my assistant, you're going to really have to be into it with the prison system. Oh man. But I want a wood-fired margarita pizza that's really good, and I want a very good pinot noir. And I think the combination of a very good pizza and some red wine is heaven.

I cannot wait for the prison guards to just laugh you all the way to the electric chair, Pinot noir, he says.

This guy wanted Pinot.

Yeah.

This guy thinks he's being executed, the four seasons, this guy, this guy over here now fellows, not so rough.

I'm sorry.

Corley and I will be injecting you by the way.

You guys will be shooting at me as I'm being taken to the room where I'm lethally injected.

You know how a shooting gallery or a firing squad, they give one person live rounds and everybody else has blanks so that no one has the guilt.

But you and I, it's the other way around. Everyone has live rounds, except for one person.

Thanks, doctor.

Is that true?

Yes.

So no one has the guilt.

Yeah, that's what they do. Yeah, but what I'm saying is if they gave everybody blanks and one guy a real bullet, you probably wouldn't kill the person.

Okay, let me take it again.

No, no, no, I like, No, no, no, we're not taking that again.

You take things again all the time.

Never have and never will. Aww, when your name's on the show, you get hit away with murder until you're sent to death row.

The point is Sona and I will refuse blanks. We both want to know that we've got live rounds.

Yeah, yeah, oh, you'll know.

No, I'll surprise you, I've already got it figured out. I do want to say this about the pizza. My dear sister-in-law Sarah is doing something very special that we will see. And also my wife is doing. A substitute campfire dessert that I think blows s'mores out of the water.

Okay, yeah, I want to say that's a I love your pizza, I love your wife. That's a pretty low bar because I think anything blows S'mores out of the water.

And I think these are probably just above s'mores.

I think an army boot marinated in kerosene blows s'mores out of the water, but that's me.

I just think that you two are the most un-American people I've ever met in my entire life because I think that-.

You were born in Armenia.

No, I wasn't.

Oh, please, let's see your papers, let's see your papers. You think I'm carrying around my-.

I want your papers.

Papers please, your papers, please.

Oh my god, so there are going to be no celebrities interviews.

What, what are you talking about?

Chill chums, it's just the three of us.

You know what, yeah.

So no one's going to be here, no, like celebrities.

Well, first of all, I'd have a little bit of experience in the celebrity world, having looked at one every time I check out a mirror. Oh, boo.

Yay Boo.

Oh my God, cut to huge footage, Wow ticker tape parade. Lindbergh's triumphant return to New York.

Look at the door.

The door, the door is the only way out, and only one of us is getting through it. I would say having some experience discussing things with celebrities, none of them would want to show up for this.

Not true, not true. You think Jeff Goldblum wouldn't be here in a heartbeat?

Well, if we put a piano out.

That'd be even better if he's tinkling the Ivories during this, like, you know.

Tinkly.

Is that what they say? Yeah, that means urinating on a piano.

Yeah, tickling is what No, my plan is for Jeff Goldblum.

To urinate on a piano, to tinkle on the Ivories.

That's great, and I bet you anything. He'll play a beautiful melody with a stream of his urine, okay?

Terrific. Looking forward to that tinkly tinkling everybody, it's time for me to tinkle on the Old Ivories.

Of the solo Stove campfire unit.

Oh, that's right. Did we mention that?

We don't have to.

He was going to say something nice about us and you busted in with the-.

Oh, I thought he was going to brag about himself, Oh, I'm sorry, keep going.

The chemistry, what were you going to say? the chemistry between what?

I think we have a good chemistry and I think we're going to get together. And we're going to have some spirits. And we're going to eat some delicious pizza and we're going to see what happens. And I have a feeling it's going to be a lot of fun. Yeah, I really believe that in my heart.

Yeah, I do, too. This is coming up on five years of this podcast, too, you know, in November. I believe so. Is that true?

Does it feel like five years to you?

Yes.

It feels like 15.

No, it doesn't feel like five. yeah, does it feel like five to you?

No, it doesn't.

How many episodes have we done?

I don't know.

I think 300 and some get out 340 something, yeah.

Was it 340?

I think that's with the Conan O'Brien needs a fan episodes.

Yeah, well, yeah.

Yeah, and the summer s'mores and the deep dives and the bonus episodes.

340.

You know, you were once considered sort of a newcomer to the industry, a carpetbagger. If you will, yeah. And now, five years in, I think it's safe to call you, you know, a seasoned pro. I wouldn't say a seasoned veteran, but maybe a veteran.

Wow, yeah.

Cool, you think there's people have been doing this a lot longer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Jeff Pilser, what?

Oh, who?

They've been doing this for a long time. Who are these people? Exactly my point.

You can't say that was a good one to make the joke good.

Yeah, you can.

It's the first episode of Summer S'mores and you're drawing a breast-headed creature. What is it? what is going on here?

I don't know, I'm just drawing this creature, and he's wearing a loose-fitting linen jacket.

I'm still stuck on your last meal because I think that can just be any meal, and it's very anticlimactic for me. I feel like I would choose like a lot of different foods I like.

No, no, no, I just wanted to keep it very simple.

But it's your last meal, you don't want any fried chicken, you can put on all the calories. You're gonna die anyway.

Everyone always asks for fried chicken, but I don't wanna go to the execution room, feeling like, ugh, that heavy feeling you get.

You're gonna die.

Who cares?

You're not gonna feel good anyway, you'll be so scared that your body will turn wild. Do you think you could even eat if you're knowing you're gonna die?

Oh, I will have such a good meal, Sona will have such a good meal.

We'll make sure you get s'mores.

Sona's gonna have a good meal. No, no, s'mores, Eduardo.

Oh man, I'm gonna give you s'mores, I'm gonna be like they didn't have any pizza.

So here's some s'mores.

We're gonna roast s'mores over your crackling electric chair, Bobby.

You're gonna have to kill me. They'll be like, he's dead, We didn't throw the switch yet, I know he just died.

What would your last meal be, Sona?

It's gonna be a lot of things, it's gonna be like an in-n-out cheeseburger, it's gonna be fried chicken, it's gonna be lots of. Like a chocolate fountain with things I could dip into it, it's just gonna be like a lot of stuff.

It's clear also that you're stretching out. They're gonna say it's your last meal, and you're gonna stretch it out so that it's days long. And then eventually the governor calls because the state can't afford the meal anymore, and he commutes your sentence. Just because, what, you know, a statue of Sona, made out of pate, is on the way.

I just want a lot of food from a lot of places that I like. You know, I want my mom to make me those lamb chops, those are really good. I don't know what would you do?

I'd do a bean and cheese burrito from Supermex, I'd do chocolate covered honeycomb from Little Flower, bourbon kraft, macaroni and cheese fruity pebbles.

This sounds very much like someone trying to get free stuff. I know it does. I'd eat a Porsche 911 Carrera, the latest model Porsche. You're killing it. And my address is 3232 Salloway, McGinty Boulevard.

I'd love to snack on a dewalt table. Saw, portable table saw, a round miter saw with a telescoping arm, those are tasty. A Rivian electric truck.

It'd be great to get a lot of plugs in for your last meal. Well, I'm looking forward to this, I think it's going to be great.

Me too.

And this will be how many installments do you think?

We're going to do six, so this will be the first, we're going to do four outside. And then we're going to do a kind of a debrief, final episode. Back in the studio. After we're all done, yeah, we're going to talk about how we behaved.

So the next time people tune into this, they're going to hear us. Let me set the table for you. We will be outside here in the Larchmont area, sort of mid Hollywood. Beautiful view of the Hollywood Sign, a second floor of the wonderful Team Coco Complex here, and we'll be cooking up some pizzas.

We might rekindle our friendship in a sort of romantic way.

Did we unkindle it?

I don't know that we ever kindled it.

Oh, okay, it was never kindled in the first place.

It wasn't even kindled. No, I think you guys are my friends.

Well, I'm your friend, for sure.

Yeah.

And I want to be your friend.

Why the hostility? Corley? It's not hostility. I've shown you nothing but kindness, and by kindness I mean employment.

I'm sitting here, just waiting to be your friend.

I've always been kind to you. Parentheses In this case, kindness is a substitute word for employment.

I'll take it.

All right, I'll see you guys next week. And really, I consider this just as just the warmup. Next week's the real beginning of summer s'mores 2023, so join us, won't you?

Summer S'Mores with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Absessian and Matt Gourley Produced by M.e. Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs. Nick Liao and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Yearwolf. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.