#629 - RIC FLAIR - SHANE GILLIS - ARI SHAFFIR - MARK NORMAND - LUIS J GOMEZ - ZAC AMICO

We have a bi-weekly show with the Kill Tony band, and the Secret Show is every single Thursday. Get tickets at sunsetstripatx..com. And now a brand new episode of Kill Tony, Hey everybody, Kill Tony live from the HEB Center in Austin, Texas, Saturday, December 30th at 7pm. Just went on sale and you have to trust me, tickets are going lightning fast.

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Hey, this is Redman coming to you. Live from the comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas, for our brand new episode of Kill Tony.

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Now, as you could tell, the setup behind me and around me is a little bit different than usual. That's because this is a fucking special, special night. Every single week I have one or two, maybe three of the funniest, coolest guests on planet Earth on this show. I'm gonna bring out one to start and as the night goes on, more will come out.

And the first human being that I'm bringing up is not just any normal human being at all. In fact, he is your favorite artist's favorite artist, he is your hero's hero. Literally a childhood dream of mine. And probably every man in this room, and if it's not one of yours, then you're probably not around.

I'm not a real fucking man. In the first place, I present to you the 16 time champion of the world. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Nature boy Rick Glam.

Rick Fucking foyer ladies and gentlemen, yeah.

This is the life. Come on in here. Rick, the man, the myth, the legend, the Nature Boy, the necklaces, the Rolex, the sunglasses, the Gucci shoes. It's all real. He is here one more time for the Nature Boy Rick Foyer.

Actually alligator shoes.

Holy shit. I don't think I've had a vodka cranberry in about 20 years, but I said, I'll have what he's having. And I do believe we had about 17 vodka cranberries last night. Yeah, we did, and I've already had 12 today.

We started at 2.

30 p.

M and went all the way through, and the only problem with all that shit is I went home alone. I mean, damn, that's the nature boy. I mean, sympathy, please.

But he didn't fall asleep a lot. I did not fall asleep, I don't fall asleep, I just can't. What is the song? The guy wrote? The country Western guy? I can't do it, I once did.

What's his name? Toby? My good friend Toby Keith. I can't do, I can't do what I once did all night long, but I can do what I once did once. But it doesn't resemble the same.

74 kids give me a break, 74 years old.

16 times My new gig is, my new gig is in light of all, and this is a very serious comment. We've lost a lot of troopers.

This is like a Hall of Fame year this year for Tragedy superstar Billy Graham.

Aaron Sheik.

Terry Funk.

Who else am I missing? And, of course, the latest last week, Bray Wyatt. So, I mean, that is a sad thing to say, but we've lost a Hall of Fame to tragedy and age and health and everything else. So I'm very conscious about that, but you know what, I'm not changing my lifestyle because, no, I'm not going to, I'm going to, like, chase you down.

You can tell me no all night long, but I'll be up.

If you want evidence, I got a picture.

No, seriously, why would I slow down? We're dying to the left and to the right, not tonight. Laughter's the best medicine.

We're going to add a few more years.

I brought some backup with me. There are comedians that are going to be trickling in joining this panel throughout the night. Let's start with a couple of my favorites from New York. Make some noise for Luis J. Gomez and Zac Amico, everybody.

Hey Luis J. Gomez, zac amico, fuck yeah, welcome, get on in here, make yourselves at home.

I love it.

You guys know how it works, everybody does. A bunch of comedians signed up for the chance to get 60 seconds on this stage. We're going to get through some of these names here tonight.

They get 60 seconds uninterrupted to do it. I have a question, Yeah, since you're the man, is there any possibility I could have a cold beer? Oh yeah, absolutely.

Can we get Ric Flair, a lone star up here? I don't get you right now in a Starbucks. That wasn't you last night. Uh-uh, no, no, no, yeah, no.

So how about a cold beer? Yeah, let's do a bucket of beers up here for the great Ric flair, huh?

I'm surprised we had to have a mask for that. That's incredible. Yoni's been having fun lately, so he's a little bit.

You know, the 60 seconds is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then, or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear and then we interview them, we talk to them. We're going to find some talent here tonight.

We're going to find a lot of non-talent here tonight. Well, we're going to find some talent, for sure. Ric Flair is here. We're going to watch stand-up comedy, we're going to get it started.

We have a regular on this show, Ric. He writes and performs a new 60 seconds. I'm funny as shit. Yeah, you are, you are.

We're going to get more from Ric Flair coming up right around the corner, you know what? Let's get some more panelists up here.

Ari Saffir Mark Norman.

Upstairs Why are they upstairs? Because they're pissing like fucking faggots while I'm here entertaining you.

Ari Saffir has arrived. I don't know if we're going to get to one bucket pool tonight, folks. This might be the first episode of Kill Tony that is just humans on a stage. What's up, boy?

This is the great Ari Saffir, this is the Nature Boy Ric Flair.

So they went to Pee.

All right.

Fucking wild Ari, how are you doing? How was the episode today? Pretty good. I don't have a fucking modelo in front of me, though.

Yeah, it's coming, there's a bucket, right? Oh, it's right by your feet, right there.

Ari.

Tell us more What drugs did you guys do? or what did you do today? Smelling salts, mushrooms?

Just booze and we sucked each other's dicks like real men. You know what I'm talking about?

Ladies and Gentlemen Shane Gillis and Mark Norman.

There we go, Shane, sit right there. I'll put your bag right between us. That's perfect, yeah.

Beautiful.

Oh yeah.

What is it? eight, nine million, something crazy, huge amount of people, so this is it.

Dream team Everything is ready, you guys ready to watch 60 seconds of stand-up comedy. And then our entire esteemed panel talks to us, talks to them and us all at the same time.

It's crazy. Let's get it started with a regular. He writes and performs a brand-new 60 seconds every week. You know him, you love him.

Sing it if you know the words, This is Hans Kim.

You're not going to put a muzzle on my butthole, it's a Texas butthole.

I love Texas more than New York. New York is very similar to Asia, you know, we both shove Asians on subways.

In New York, you guys just wait until after the train leaves.

But yes, love being Asian, very difficult to be Asian. A lot of Black people make fun of us for having small penises, but at least when I have sex, it doesn't look like a poop coming out of a vagina.

Thank you.

But he is definitely, almost without a doubt, Mark Norman. Can I just say that I like the Hawaiian shirt because that set reminded me of Maui?

Because it sucked, it was a tragedy, Hans, It was a tragedy. Usually. You're so funny. What the fuck just happened there?

I don't know, I like those jokes, maybe it's too, you've been getting some white pussy, yeah?

You're getting soft, dude.

You're getting comfortable content with that white pussy. We have seen this before. He gets challenged, he fights for his life. 15 punchlines in 60 seconds.

Almost every time he crushes people that want to take his job from him. He gets challenged for his regular ship on the regular now and then. He has a really, really, really good set, so I don't challenge him the next week.

And then he has a good set the next week and then this happens, so now you're going to be challenged next week for your spot. Hans Kim How does that make you feel good?

Really, it does. You're excited about your life being on the line. It's not even just a thing on a podcast. Your life will be over if you lose this.

This is my only thing I have. Please don't take this away from me. It's not up to me, it's up to the audience. We always let the audience decide.

Hey Hans, let's recreate this iconic photograph. Ha ha ha ha. Rick Flair, you just watched one of our future stars, one of the regular people that have built a career on this show, have a really, really, really, really, really rough set. Do you have any words of advice? You're the Goat.

You've had a rough night of work before, right? I have, but I'm not that rough. Ha ha ha ha. Hans, you're in the position. Who do you think you're going to get challenged by next week?

I apologize Sir. No, you don't have to apologize on this show. You're not a pow kim, you have to come sir. That's exactly personal.

HanS Kim you will be challenged next week. Prepare another great 60 seconds. Your life is on the line, you could no longer be a regular in seven days. Very well, Tony.

I owe you everything and this is a big opportunity for me. No, this is even sadder. Jesus Christ dude, stop groveling, dude, stand up for yourself.

Spin this fucking face. Rick Flair respects that shit, woo.

There he goes, everybody, the show has begun. I pulled a name out of the bucket. I'm going to get another one on deck here, let's do it.

Your first comedian out of the bucket? That means anything can happen. We're going to meet this person all together. Make some noise. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Daniel Shepard, everybody.

Daniel Shepard, our first bucket pull of the night.

Woo, I've been having a lot of makeup sex lately with myself.

I had to take a break from porn, but there was no point. That was my true calling.

Nothing would work for me anymore, though I had to try NoFAP. I was at the point where I was looking at a lot of like, shit-covered feet and whatnot. It was the only thing to get the ticker going, you know, guys, you know.

What's better than porn is the bra section at Walmart.

With the new iPhones these days, you can just crop the fat girl out really easily, save it for later. Plenty of fat girl advertisements at target, especially like the big plus-size like mannequins. Yeah, if you're like, Yeah, come with me to target sometime.

Oh yeah, fat chicks, 60 seconds, o.of.

Jesus Christ, I'm stupid.

Better than last time, no way.

There it is, that's a minute right there, that's how long that minute. Yes, it's not good when you say 60 seconds.

Woof at 43 seconds.

Better than last time. What the fuck happened last time? I'm glad you don't remember. Oh yeah, I got kicked off stage.

Oh, you did. why? what did you do? I guess I was like, being a dick and talking too much. Oh yeah.

I could see how that would be. Yeah, all right, how long you been doing stand-up? Daniel Shepard? I'm on like my fourth year now.

Fourth year, What holy shit, dude, why are you doing this? Still haven't mastered the minute.

Yeah.

Right, year four, you're like, God damn, this is a long set.

Ten seconds a year.

Wow, Daniel, what's like the funniest thing you've ever said or done in your entire life? Um, the joke that I did last time was my Netflix joke about when my aunt actually no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, trust me, that ain't it.

My aunt actually got murdered and I would do the Netflix joke about seeing her on there, and that would normally be good. Wait, four years, stop four years of being a stand-up comedian. You said that this 45 seconds and then breathing heavily afterwards was your best minute on the show. And I asked you what the funniest thing you've ever said or done in your entire life was? And you're going back to this Netflix joke that you did the first time, that was worse than this one.

No, I fumbled it pretty badly last time, I will say, but that was one of my old reliables. Okay, let's hear it, let's hear it. How many of you think we should hear his old reliable joke?

Okay.

Here it is the old reliable joke that he can always count on, that he flubbed last time. Here he is Daniel Shepard. So I was Netflix and chilling with a girl one night and all of a sudden my family was crying on TV. Because my aunt had been murdered 30 years ago. I really fucked this joke up.

But.

Wait, you already old reliable, holy shit. old reliable, holy fuck.

Dude, you got?

Bro, you got nose sweat. you scared me, but I wish I was your aunt.

Her name is Old, Reliable, She's got more Netflix credits than I do. But she had to be on the confession killer, she had to get murdered. Do you normally get laughter? No.

Like, at shows, Yeah, no, he does not, you're lying. No, I'm not.

You're lying, bro, your forehead, you got an innie forehead.

Hey, who killed your aunt? Um, illegal imps? Was it your boring fucking set? If you watch the show? ...?

Yeah, I killed her reputation, I know it wasn't you, because whoever did it could kill.

Let's go, he's got a dead fucking aunt, what a dumbass dude.

Did he fall asleep?

It's literally...

Teasers these days on their phone. Am I right? Guys? Shut up Daniel, you're not part of this thing. We just saw one of the worst performances ever in the history of the show. Ric Flair. Any advice for Daniel Shepard?

No, that's Ric Flair.

You're incredible, thank you, hey.

Like, sideways Asian pussy. No, no, what's that?

That was fun, that was fun, that's fun, that's fun.

That was my attempt to be humorous, but I will never, ever embarrass anybody or humiliate anybody. The minute that happens on this show. I'm out of here. You're not going to do that, we're going to do that for you.

You're the good cop, Daniel just embarrassed himself. I'm not the good cop. I respect these people. Do you guys get it?

You shouldn't. You have paid my, you have paid, you have made me who I am today. thank you.

I'm not here to fuck anybody up. I laugh. The minute someone says something disrespectful to me or to you, I'm out of here. We're not going to be disrespectful to you. We will make fun of these people.

No, no, I'm being serious. No, we make fun of them, that's part of it. No, you guys are so nice.

They're the best look at me.

Why can't you accept the word you're nice people?

Yeah, you know what, it's not. Do you know how many people are bullied and hurt by comments?

No, do you get it? It's like a social media has made the world crazy.

I probably should have sent you an episode to watch before.

We make fun of people. Thank you Ric Flair. you really saved me, man. I don't make fun of people.

You don't have to. I'm ready to leave in one minute. Guys, no, don't leave. I love you I am.

Don't leave Ric. No, hang on, I'm uncomfortable with the format. I appreciate the opportunity. No, come on Ric.

Nice going, hey hey.

There is no humor in the world that makes fun of people.

Guess what, I apologize, I'm not one of them. No, you're good, you don't have to.

No, I'm not apologizing. I'm an unusually horrible man. I will have fun, but I won't make fun beautiful. We got you covered.

We've had this happen before. Good cop, bad cop, you're the good cop, Daniel Shepard is the bad comedian, and we are the bad cops, Daniel. Unbelievable performance tonight.

Best of luck to you in the future. There he goes, Daniel Shepard, everybody, four years in the game, I mean, you can't even make it up.

45 seconds of material.

Come on one more time for Ben Williams, everybody, here we go.

Sorry.

I'm doing my Mitch McConnell impression.

I'm Ben Williams, man, I hope I'm funny, I know I'm ugly.

I'm ugly, I'm broke, and would you guess I'm single now? I actually was in a relationship with a lady she was 60 years old.

Subtle things happen with a lady that's 60 years old, she's riding your dick and you hear her knees pop.

She's asking you questions like, Did you pee today?

I swear the first time we had sex, she gave me $20 and a peppermint.

But you gotta leave her, she's asking you if you did your chores and shit, and I'm like, Hey, no more vodka and chore for you, lady.

I come from Galveston and if you don't know where that's at, man, I'd like to say it's a mixture between the Gilligan's Island and the Walking Dead. Thank you, man, I'm Ben Williams, there you go.

Yes, sir, hell yeah, how long you been doing stand-up? I've been doing stand-up for about five months now, five months.

Already 10 times funnier than a guy that's been doing it for four years. Unbelievable. I love it, I love the John Cena shirt. Is that because if you lean against a black wall, we can't see you?

Yes.

Yes, sir, you and the police. What do you do for work? BEN Oh man, I've just been doing this man, full-time man, for four months.

No, not for four months. Ben is homeless, yeah.

For a solid month, I've been here since you quit your job as a receiver for the Minnesota Vikings.

You weren't great in Captain Phillips.

I was actually a rapper before this. Oh, shit, really, let's hear a bar drop a bar dog.

Here we go, giving us a little bit of a sample of his rap. This is the kill tony debut of Ben Williams, Everybody.

Okay, okay, lost up in this hell. Will I ever prevail? Tossed up a jail cell? Tell my future farewell.

These niggas be hatin, but I don't care because they satan, they be plottin and watchin, you know, the devil be flockin. Tell a hater. I don't fly, but I don't care about that shit.

That's just material things, man. I'm just trying to get rich. I'm really focused about health, ain't really worried about stealth, I'm really worried about me.

This for my family tree and y'all fail, all right, okay, but instead of complainin, I made an album.

I ain't goin to the chapel, I show up and travel now with my lock and a statue. If you playin around with me, you gettin tapped.

Hey.

Is it, uh?

I don't know.

The Remix.

You got Lakers colors on. You're a good man. Aw. Thank you man. you a legend Rick. Thank you.

I appreciate that. My favorite wrestler, you're wearing the Lakers colors. Brother. Aw, Yeah, man, that's my favorite team.

Not LSU, I think, because they got their ass kicked last night.

That's my favorite team. How about LeBron? The greatest of all time? Sorry, guys.

But goddamn, LeBron is something actually, brother.

21 years in the league and he refuses.

He refuses to get old. I love that because I do, too. Ben, give me an answer here. Wildest night of your life Sexually, you're here with the legend Ric Flair.

This is my second time asking you, man, I don't know. The wildest time of my life, man. Had to be with an older chick. She was 30, man, I was at the time, I was probably 19..

And she taught me things that I probably still know to this day. It was fucking crazy, like, what? What you're saying is just, Oh, that was my first time.

That was my first time doing it, you had premature ejaculation. Yeah, what did she teach you, Ben? That was my first time doing anal.

Yeah, oh.

Yeah.

Hey, has she ever been the same? No, I haven't been the same. I don't know, Oh.

My god, what kind of a rectal exam is that?

Ben, you're getting a big joke book. Congratulations you did it, here you go.

Ben WilliamsON Ben Williams making his Phil Tony debut. On to the next one, we go, we have a....

Is our golden ticket winner ready? Right? Yes, are you checking on that? You're milking it?

You're really milking it? Yes, absolutely, there you go, you're going that way, Ben, that way.

Right there, yep, there you go.

Okay, is that a yes? Okay, perfect ladies and gentlemen, this person you're about to see, you haven't seen before unless you were here last week.

This is the newest Golden Ticket winner of the Kill Tony Universe. It's his second time ever on the show. It's the first time the Protect Our Parks boys get to see him. Make some noise for Rick Diaz, Everybody, Rick Diaz.

Rick Diaz at 213 219.

All right, okay. I took the bus the other day and it was full, so I sat on a priority seat. Nobody said anything.

Yeah, that's it. I took an online personality test, I failed.

Yeah, I look like Rick and Morty.

Yeah, when I was a kid, I had an imaginary friend, I called him dad.

Yeah, I never asked for consent, I never asked for consent.

I beg for consent.

This one time after a show, a lady came up to me and she got really close to me and she whispered right in my ear. She whispered, I want to dominate you, and I was like, Lady, it's going to happen organically.

My say for it is yes, thank you very much.

Welcome to the world of Rick Diaz Ari Shafir. As a UMD graduate, I love a fellow Terrapin.

Said he looked like a turtle. So sad. Thank you, that was the joke. Dumb asses.

You got too heady on it, I guess. So when I was a kid, I got bit by a turtle, I was slow.

This is what he does. Somehow he manages a way to. he responds in joke that rules. Yes, he does.

Did it all last week as well. It rules. Rick, How has your week been? You got here last week? You immediately got on the show.

You won a golden ticket, so it's been a great first week in Austin. It's been an amazing week. I've done a bunch of shows thanks to you and I haven't made a single dollar.

And that's why Tony is my Jew of the week.

I didn't whoa. you definitely didn't whoa, whoa, don't feel bad.

I got money for you, I got money for you. I'll tell my mom I don't feel bad. Let's see if that works. I don't know what happened.

Send the wire instructions tomorrow.

Rick, What else this week? Before I let you go? Yeah, some friends took me hunting, oh yeah as the bait.

You are so funny, it is unbelievable. you have such an incredible, distinct voice of weakness.

That's what my mother says.

You guys are a machine, he's a fucking machine. There he goes. Rick Diaz everybody, Another great performance by Rick Diaz.

Hell yeah, on to the next one, we go. I pulled another name out of the bucket. You guys having fun out there, make some noise for your next bucket.

Pulled Guy Peart, everybody, p-e-a-r-t Guy Peart, here he is.

Here's guy, everybody, 60 seconds uninterrupted for guy.

Before I get my set started, I'd like to rile everybody up. If I can get all the white people in the crowd to repeat after me and say, Ah.

My name really is guy, My mom decided to name me guy, so that's what everybody calls me now. they call me guy. My friends, family, coworkers, everybody.

Except my mom, sometimes when she takes her pain pills and malt liquor, she really loves to call me gay.

But no, I think it's pretty hard dating, I struggle with dating.

I've tried everything you're supposed to try my age, I've tried the dating apps, I've tried going out to the bars on the weekends, I've even tried getting an OnlyFans.

But none of it seems to work. And I'm getting to that point to where I actually don't believe that there's anybody out there dumb enough to name their fucking daughter girl.

Because I would have married that bitch, all right, that's my time, all right. Definitely a lot of oohs and ahs during that set.

Fuck bro.

I know, guy, this is your first time on the show. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? I've been doing it about three years. Where at?

Fuck, I started in....

Fuck. I started in New Orleans, and then when Covid hit, I moved up to Dallas, okay, New Orleans, the home of Mark Normand. Worse than Katrina.

Yeah, what made you pick Dallas as your next destination? I know, I know, no, I went through Katrina when I was six, actually.

You what? I went through Hurricane Katrina when I was six. Okay, that's not the question I asked you at all, oh.

What made you move to Dallas? I moved to Dallas. He wanted to blend in with the big D minus.

All right.

Okay, I was in the National Guard for six years and I didn't get the Covid vaccine, so they kicked me out and I just started over. In Dallas. What made you pick Dallas? Well, I got into being a stockbroker when they sent me home from the army. I had $300 to my name, so I traded in the stock market and I made about $10,000. And I just kind of got a new start in Dallas.

Okay, wait, wait, now I'm interested. What did you do? Exactly? okay?

So you had $300 and you got $10,000.

All right, let's talk, get him a chair real quick. If I say anything more, I'm going to have to charge you for financial advice, Ari.

Whoa, that's fighting words for a Jew.

This is like the Wolfstein of Wall Street over here. This is incredible guy. What do you do for fun? You seem like a real bag of vanilla dough. Yeah, I'm a real big bag of vanilla dough.

I'm a wrestling coach for a high school in Dallas, and I do jiu-jitsu as well. Okay, I'm thinking, if I could just commentate on one of these upcoming stage cage fights, I could kind of be like, Joe Rogan. Yeah, you totally have the personality for it.

Holy shit, Ric Flair, can you please tell us a story?

You are here with Ric Flair. you are a wrestling coach. How does it feel to have a performance like that in front of Ric Flair?

Actually, to be honest with you, I respect that very much. My son was a great amateur wrestler and this is why I'm going to make this. This is why come here, guys.

This is why I'm leaving after I say this, No, come on.

To support any youthful athletic event. My son was a great amateur wrestler. He died of a heroin overdose in 2013. I don't need to hear that.

I'm over that, but anybody that can take time away from their life to support kids and make them better. Because I can tell you right now.

From personal experience and because I believe in my heart.

You ever had Asian pussy?

I guess that's funny. What are the ages of the people that you're coaching, guy? It's high school age, so ninth grade? Ric, don't leave. Are you really leaving, Ric?

Don't do it. Thank you for all the respect we lost Ric Flair, everybody.

Make some noise for Ric Flair, Everybody, come on.

Thank you all for all the respect. But I will never sign up to make fun of people that donate their time. I won't, I swear to God.

I respect you all and thank you for coming out. I can have fun, but I will never make fun of time of people that donate their personal time.

To making children better. Ric flair, everybody.

That was the guy that was late. Which one of you monsters?

Alright, okay, thank you. Sit down, Jesus Christ, Tony.

Ric Flair has a point This show is demeaning. It. really is. it really is. it's fucking mean dude.

Why don't we have fun? I tried to warn him, I warned him, I warned him, I warned him seven beers ago.

Which was the problem I should have warned him right before. The Nature boy, there's no nature in here.

You need to go next, motherfucker.

I got one minute, I got one minute. I don't want y'all's heart.

This show is chaos, guy. What's the...?

What do you do for fun? Tell us anything about you that's not boring, give us something interesting that we would be surprised to know about you. Guy, Yeah, I do jiu-jitsu.

We already know that guy, Jesus fucking Christ for fun. I like, there goes the black guy now too.

There we go, everybody's slowly leaving. This is like a reverse royal rumble. There goes Ric Flair in the number one spot, a Black athlete in the number two.

Every 60 seconds, another person leaves. We have a young Roman Reigns here, ready to go at any point.

Okay, Tony's mad at me. come on up, No, I'm not. Let's not make that the theme.

We have a format on this shit.

I wasn't making fun of Ric Flair that much. I feel like we were mild. You're the one who ruined it, I didn't ruin it, the piano guy ruined it.

Piano guy definitely ruined it.

Oh my God, we are torching bridges here today.

I think that podcast is never going to be rescheduled at this pace. This is perfect. His son died in 2013. Of being awesome, okey, dokey.

Guy You will always be known as the guy that was on this stage. When Ric Flair left, there was a lot of moments where it almost happened.

Don't make a big deal about coaching kids in wrestling. Next time that really fucked everything up, here's a little joke book There you go, guy, hurt everybody.

Oh my god.

This is a new 60 seconds from Cam Patterson. Everybody.

Thank you all for inventing that shit. I really needed one. Can you guys yell in the mirror? Are you a fuck nigga? you gonna die?

I don't help, I don't help at all, I don't help at all. So I got a therapist, but we don't get shit done because she pretty.

So I just be lying to this bitch.

What's your biggest problem? My dick too big? That's a that's a big issue for me, what weighs down a lot.

My dick weighs me down. That's pretty cool, you know what it is to put like gas? and it hurts? It's real hard to put fucking gas in a Bugatti bitch. You know what I'm saying?

That's damn near impossible.

There you go cam Patterson gas in a Bugatti Shane.

What are you keeping rocks in your fucking brain, too?

You piece of shit, you drunk bastard. my bad, my bad, my bad. don't drop your bitch ass nigga, I'm playing.

This nigga fat, what's going on?

Who let the fat nigga talk?

Give me your hat.

Whitest meet Blackest, Blackest meet Whitest. This is incredible. Let me get your hat. No, no, I don't think so.

KeePinG the hat. CaM PatteRson Another new minute from Cam Ari. This is your first time seeing Cam Patterson? Not my first time.

It's my second time cam crushes it, man. I know his uncle, we've hung out, we've drank together.

Oh, yeah, you're an employee here now. Yeah, yeah, that's fucking cool. Didn't know that until last night.

That was fucking awesome. Yeah, it's dope, I fuck with it a lot. You look familiar?

Oh shit, she's a therapist, she's out of fuck. Oh my god, very attractive.

How you look, who? what's up, boyfriend? your dad's here to pick you up. Wait, she met you before.

Hold on a second because I'm interested in this. Did you learn nothing from Ric Flair? We're nice to each other up here. Cocksuckers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, she did agree that you guys have met.

What were you about to say there? Put the mic in front of her mouth so it gets on the podcast. We met in Chicago, Oh.

Hell yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I like both of you bitches. What are you talking about? Hell yeah.

What are you talking about, you good?

Good to see you again. Hell yeah, you were at the Chicago Theater. Unbelievable look at that.

You were at the Chicago Theater.

What the fuck was he doing at the Chicago Theater? He's killing it, he was seeing Hamilton.

He was selling bootleg t-shirts outside of it.

Look at that.

That's a good move. This fucking guy just skip it off of three chicks heads, this fucking garden gnome. this guy gets all the goddamn souvenirs.

All right, Cam, anything else crazy happen this week before we get you up and out of here. What else is going on in this world? You tried to steal Mark Norman's hat? I did, I tried.

Give it to me, keep it, give me the hat.

Nah, I ain't been doing shit, just stand up, you know what I'm saying, trying to work on these new minutes, shit like that. I love it, Hell yeah.

Okay, white bitches, Is that still a thing? Oh yeah, yeah, I love white bitches, yep.

Okay, in that case, everything is happening right on schedule.

Okay, thank you beetlejuice. I love that. Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, we got one back here.

CAM PATTERSON Everybody on to the next one, we go back to the bucket pulls.

Back to the chaos. The machine is running and it's fully operational. Make some noise for your next comedian out of the bucket. 60 seconds uninterrupted, going to Egan Robinson, everybody.

Egan Robinson.

Egan Robinson Here he is, Egan, everybody.

Put your hands together for Egan Robinson. Everyone, thank you, thanks.

So I did get spine surgery last year, which was kind of a bummer. But I think the worst part about having had a spine surgery in my 20s is that. Now girls blow my back out during sex, you know?

Like, my leg will start shaking and she's like, Did you just finish? No, that's my sciatica acting up, but I am done.

We're not continuing. I'm spasming, that's my safe phrase.

But yeah, I've been dating. I went and got drinks with this girl recently, and afterwards we went back to my place. What up?

Eventually, we started making out. But in the middle of it, she cut me off to tell me, I just want you to know I don't fuck on the first date. And so then I said, Well, what about the last date? We're never going to see each other again.

An actual performance, unbelievable. How are you, Egan? I'm doing well. How are you?

Fantastic. How long have you been doing stand-up? Four and a half years where at I was in L..A.

For four years, and then I moved here in April. What made you move here? I didn't like the scene in L..A. that much. Tell us why you didn't like it.

A lot of these people that watch this show are die-hard stand-up comedy fans. Not enough 90s grunge, not enough 90s grunge. And then being where I'm at in my career, there weren't a lot of shows to get. It felt very transactional.

You would only get both on something if you had a TV credit. Did it feel like the world was a vampire? Yeah, yeah, it felt like a smashing Pumpkins song, you got it.

Did you spend a lot of time standing outside of a convenience store with your silent friend?

I mean, two people talked at once during that. Did Jeremy speak in class today?

I don't get that reference, sorry.

Okay, I'm sorry. What do you do for fun, Egan?

Nothing that interesting. I watch anime, I work out, I read books, you watch anime and work out.

You're just describing a school shooter.

Hey, you look like you're going to shoot up a frat.

I was in one, but they got out without shooting anyone, so that's good. Hell yeah, bro, good job. You watch anime and you work out. That is the weirdest fucking combination I've ever heard.

It's weirdly like, that's a lot of the guys you'll see in the gym now are like anime dorks that are also jacked. What dude you go to a gay gym?

I do not go to Gold's. You work out at a bathhouse, 24-hour shitness.

Ric Flair really fucked up the rhythm of this room. Jesus Christ, we can all agree now that it's gone so much better now, isn't it? I mean, Jesus Christ.