Flightless Bird: Cereal

I'm, David Farrier, in New Zealand, accidentally marooned in America, and I want to figure out what makes this country tick. Now there are some things in America that continue to blow my mind, and one of those is the cereal aisle at the grocery store. It's the sheer scale of it. You gently turn your trolley down a new aisle and suddenly you find yourself enveloped by a wall of cereal on every side. It's overwhelming and inescapable.

Okay, so these are just some of the options we've got here. Corn Pops, Crave, Cocoa Pebbles, Fruit Loops, Frosted Flakes, Apple Jacks, Fruit Pebbles, Peanut Butter, Crunch, Oops, All Berries, Cookie Crisp, Trix, Lucky Charms, Reese's Puffs, Cinnamon Crunch, Mini Cinnamon Crunch Rolls, Toast Crunch, Honey Hops, Vanilla Spice, Cheerios, Cheerios, Oat Crunch, Wheat, Chex, Crispex, Cereal, Honey Bunch, Oats, Oats and More, Rice Pockets, Corn Chex, I'm maybe a tenth of the way down the aisle, Jesus, Raisin Bran, Raisin Bran, Light Bran, Puffs, Grain, Berry, All Bran, ahhh.

It's a wonderland of names I'd never heard of before. See, in New Zealand, our main breakfast cereal is Wheat Bix.

It's New Zealand's favourite breakfast, Wheat Bix is number one, from Kiwi Kids to.

grown-ups, it's loved by everyone, Kiwi Kids are Wheat Bix Kids.

Despite the ad telling you that Kiwi Kids are Wheat Bix Kids, it's rubbish. Kiwi Kids hate Wheat Bix, it tastes like cardboard, Wheat Bix doesn't try and hide this fact, its latest ad slogan was Simple is Best. That kind of shit doesn't fly in America. When I say cereal, you say dinner, cereal, dinner, cereal, dinner. Over here, they're eating cereal for dinner, I thought Seinfeld had made that bit up, but at the mere mention of cereal, Americans start salivating, there are over 5000 different types of cereal in America, which is, frankly, outrageous.

Flightless, flightless, flightless bird, touchdown. in America, I'm a flightless bird, touchdown.

in America.

What are your emotions towards cereal, Monica?

They're very positive.

Okay, same.

My favourites are in this order. Life, number one.

Life, quite an epic name.

You haven't had life?

No.

Oh, it's so good.

Can't be that good.

No, I'm like, I'm so tired.

Fruit Loops, same, I'm wrecked.

Honey Nut Cheerios.

Okay, Honey, Nut Cheerios, okay.

Yes, and then number three is Honey Bunches of Oats.

I'm just going to say, I'm also wrecked. this week, I've been house sitting and dog sitting.

at the same time. Oh my God.

And house sitting. I find disorientating because you're in a completely different setting. It's nice, it's a nicer house than I'm normally in, so that's cool, but it's disorientating. But it's come with a puppy and the puppy has been on antibiotics or something, and that makes it vomit up all its food all the time. When I go home from this, there'll be vomit on the ground.

I don't know, I've been sleeping so badly.

Yeah, right, just waking up and miserable.

I just couldn't sleep at all last night. Sorry, that sucks. I don't know why. I am drinking this new tea. Okay.

If it's the tea, but it is caffeinated.

It's not caffeinated.

Not caffeinated at all? No. What flavor?

It's called Rest and Digest. It's for the night.

It's not working. It's not working.

It's not working for resting, that is for sure.

How's the digesting? Is that on the up?

It feels normal. It feels good.

Okay, yeah. Maybe give it a rest tonight and see if it changes things. I know. I mean, I just wake up to the sound of vomiting.

Oh, my God.

I'm like a puppy wanting to crawl into the bed. It's honestly, I'm wrecked.

Do you let it sleep in the bed?

Well, it's got a crate, but then it starts whining because it's upset. And I love animals, so I'll clean the vomit off its little muzzle. Ew. And then it'll lick me and lie down. Ew, this is disgusting.

Okay.

I've never had a dog for this long. And for me, no offense to this particular dog with the owners, it's a no from me.

It is. It's sealed the deal.

Sealed the deal. I'm no longer a dog person. This little fucking creature.

It's adorable.

It's also loud. Yes, barky.

How big is it?

It's a schnauzer, so it's little. It's a rescue, so a bit of mutton there. It's friendly, like it's cute, but then it's also...

Sick.

It's sick.

I can only leave the house for three-hour periods, because when I leave the house, it has to go in its little crate. Right. And you can't leave a puppy in a crate during the day for extended periods. So, I get these three-hour windows. Being here with you, Monica, I'm in the window.

How much longer do you have to do this for?

My friend's actually coming back from their holiday tomorrow. They're coming back early.

Because of the vomit?

Well, yeah, they want to make sure it's okay. And the dog eats its vomit again. Ew! Which is okay, because basically the problem is the puppy's eating the food too quickly. So, I've got a special bowl that slows down the eating.

Can you stop? It's not okay.

It's not okay.

It's definitely not okay.

But no, the main thing is they are getting the food back in. So, it's not like this dog is going without food. It's a process. It comes up, goes down again.

Ugh.

Anyway, so I've talked about this for too long. My point is we're both tired.

Tired.

Really tired. But hey.

Which is, I guess, sort of a ding, ding, ding, because people eat cereal for breakfast, which is in the morning after they've slept. They're tired.

You're most tired. Yeah, I love cereal in the morning. I'm also someone, and that's the ad we heard in the intro, who does eat it sometimes for dinner.

Yeah.

How do you feel about cereal at sort of different times, sort of a snack?

Knowing the ingredients that are in most cereals, it's a full scam. I mean, it's incredible what they've done.

It is, right?

The marketing.

Yeah, it is. It's nuts.

To make it a morning food.

Yeah. So, in New Zealand, we have other cereals besides Wheat Bix. It is our main national cereal.

Can you spell that?

W-E-E-T-B-I-X. Bix. Wheat Bix. Okay. Yeah.

We had, like Nutri-Grain bars and stuff.

Yeah, right. So, this was Nutri-Grain, but in a cereal. And all the ads were like weightlifters and swimmers. And I remember seeing this ad and being like, oh, my God. This is how I'm going to get buff, because I was a skinny little kid.

Okay, gross. And did you eat it back up?

Yeah, I slept it back up again in the bowl. But, you know, it was such a scam. So, it's not good for you. It's just sugar. It was sugar and some fire.

It's lies. Well, it's not lies. They don't tell you it's not sugar, I guess. They just tell you to eat it for breakfast, and then people do. But I eat it often if I'm eating cereal, which at this point in life is very rare.

Okay, so life sounds like a cult. What is in life?

It's so good.

What's the vibe?

It's these little squares. They have sugar on them. They're kind of a wheat.

Kind of like Chex.

No, they're not puffy like Chex, though.

A bit more solid?

They're thin.

They're little squares, right?

Okay.

They're squares and they're wheat, but they're thin.

Is it the taste or the texture? Both.

It's so good. They also have Cinnamon Life. I bet a lot of people who are listening are fans of Cinnamon Life. I like Cinnamon Life, just fine, but I prefer classic life. And I eat it for dessert.

Yeah, as a dessert after dinner. So, better than ice cream. Yeah, I think dessert's a common thing.

And sometimes as a snack. My friend used to do this in college. She would always put cereal in a little baggie and then that was her snack.

Also, no milk at all. So, I went to a cafe this morning with this dog that just fucking barked at everyone.

David, you know, I hate that.

Sorry, I was that guy. So, I ordered some granola, which I think of as a cereal. And something I find in America is it never gets served in a cafe with milk, ever.

Yeah, it's only yogurt.

So, at the end of the meal, I guzzled down the yogurt, delicious, and the berries.

Where'd you go?

I'm staying in Atwater Village. It's a new cafe. They're dog friendly, which is good.

Was it yummy?

It was yummy. Until I guzzled all the fruit. And I was just sitting there alone in a cafe. I was just eating dry bits of cereal. I'm like, where's the milk?

Yeah, I do feel like America slash L.A. I don't know which is which at this point. But definitely, granola does not have milk.

It's so weird.

It's always just sprinkled on yogurt or by itself, again, as a snack.

Isn't that sort of fascinating? Because I thought part of the joy of the granola or any cereal is the milk. It sort of turns into a soup.

Yeah, I think they've tried to separate the granola from the milk. Although, you know who still does it? I haven't been in a while. Oh, I also have a cold. That's part of why I'm tired.

Buried the lead. Sick and sick. I forgot. Absolutely wrecked over there.

A place that I used to get granola with milk.

Yeah, oh, I want to know.

Trails. Oh, my favorite. Your favorite place, with your favorite peanut butter and jelly.

Also full of dogs.

Full of dogs. The place we went hiking, where you didn't recognize me.

Yeah, yep, yep. Hold on to that.

They have a granola, and you can get house-made almond milk with it. And it is really good.

Okay, this is a great tip. Yeah. I really like that cafe. Dog-friendly. I can take little Spewy along.

Oh, his name's Spewy?

That's what I call him.

What is his name?

I don't want to give the dog's name away, because if the owner's listening to this, I want them thinking maybe it's another dog. Don't you think the owner knows your name? Malabia of Halset and Dogset Another Dog. If I say the name, it seals the deal.

Another dog who's sick and coming home early?

Yeah, there's a lot of coincidences, but I think I can push the boundaries, you know? I'll say this is an old story I told in the podcast as I was running low on material. So I brought up this old, not the current dog, so it's really old. what I did. It was years ago.

Oh, we're keeping all this in?

Yeah, that's fine.

What we're talking about right now. So they definitely know who you're talking about. No.

Oh my God. No, I'm not going to say the dog's name.

They'll give it away. Now, fuck, I really want to know its name.

Why do you do this? It is fun. I don't mean to do it. You do. But then your reaction makes me more, I do enjoy it, so it's sadistic.

So milk and cereal. How do you feel about soggy cereal?

Oh, I don't like it being soggy. I like to pull the milk in very quickly. I'll guzzle it down before I get soggy.

That's my move too.

Do you know who the person is that he's house sitting for?

Yeah.

Do you have access to their Instagram or anything?

I mean, I could find it.

I want to know the dog's name.

Okay, Rob's going to go on the trail for cancer's voice. It's like the pool all over again. Oh, you said, oh, detective.

This is fun. I wish we had some right now. Oh my God. No, Rob. What is the dog's name?

No, Rob. Rob, you outed my pool. I won't. You outed my pool.

And what happened? Nothing.

I don't know the dog's name, but I found a video of the dog.

Okay. Maybe in it, they're saying Sparky or whatever it is because.

All right. So here's my audio documentary. Old spewy guts. Okay. Here is cereal.

I've been watching a lot of American cereal commercials for this episode. And let me tell you, they're deranged. This one sees a clown that looks like John Wayne Gacy bursting out of a dog kennel before sitting down to sell America a bowl of sugar rice crinkles.

Take it from crinkles.

That's me.

The best breakfast under the big top is post sugar rice crinkles. So crinkly. So delicious.

So different.

Each grain of rice in sugar rice crinkles is crinkled with honey and sugar.

Honey and sugar was being sold to American children in the 60s. And, from what I can tell, not all that much has changed.

I get up.

I wash my face.

And I notice I got a lot more face.

I'm the guy on the Kellogg's Froot Loops spot.

That ad for Froot Loops is still selling sugar and has a kid tearing his own face off to reveal he's actually a giant toucan underneath. These ads make me feel exactly how I feel when walking down the cereal aisle in America. Overwhelmed and deranged. I realized I'd need someone to help navigate me through this overwhelming world of grains, carbs and sugar.

I've always been really excited to wake up and live my life. In particular, if there's great cereal to start my day.

Thomas Hicks loves life, but he mainly loves cereal. He's been reviewing cereal on YouTube for years. as the Cereal Snob. He's made a life reviewing American cereal. He got the idea back in 2015..

I was walking down the aisle at the store and I saw Captain Crunch's Sprinkle Donut Crunch. I was like, what the fuck is this? What is that? You go down that aisle and first off, it's an entire aisle, sometimes lined on both sides. There's so many varieties and I was like, is this good?

Thomas would be the perfect man to metaphorically hold my hand as I walked down the cereal aisle of America. An aisle he fell in love with decades ago.

I grew up initially in a home that didn't have sugary cereals at all. So I'd go to other people's homes or shopping with my mom at the store and see Lucky Charms and be like, oh, mom. And she's like, no, no, no, just Cheerios. And I'm the second of six kids. because of that, somewhere along the line.

Back then, Thomas was eating cereal for breakfast. But one thing I've noticed in America is that it can be normal to eat cereal at any time of the day. It's kind of encouraged. I flicked through some more commercials and find this one from Kellogg's last year. It has over 74 million views and it seems to be telling kids to eat cereal for dinner.

Cereal. Dinner. Cereal. Dinner.

For you, was cereal always a morning thing, or did you find yourself creeping into having it at different times of the day? A little afternoon treat or a little dessert? Or is it always the morning?

Nowadays, I almost exclusively eat cereal past 10 p.m. I think it's probably best past 10 p.m. It's like ice cream, not frozen and kind of discombobulated. It's delicious and I think there's no better time to eat cereal than in the evening now.

Do you have any theories on why in America cereal is such a big aisle in your local grocery store? Why are there so many varieties? Why is it such a big thing here in the U.S.?

Besides it tasting amazing and delicious, it's one of those things that is always there ready. It doesn't need to be taken care of. It's non-perishable. It sits in your cabinet for such a long time. For my mom, not having to make breakfast for all of us kids and just having cereal, that's the easy button.

I guess cereal is big for the same reasons. McDonald's is big. It makes the likes of Kellogg's millions of dollars because the products are tasty, ready to eat immediately, and they're not expensive.

And it's cheap. In the grand scheme of things, one box of cereal today is around $5.. And that for 10 servings, that's amazing. So, from an economic perspective, cereal is great.

The one small issue? The health benefits. Cereal is one of the most processed, sugar-rich products you could consume. I mean, I love cereal, and I really love sugar. But in America, it's too sweet for me.

I eat a lot of cold cereal. That's one of my favorite breakfasts. I really do. But the kids' cereals now...

Gotta have fiber now.

Gotta have fiber. That's a big thing.

But the sugar ones, they have this one, Cookie Crisp.

Have you seen this one?

There is so much sugar in this that the manufacturer says, well, let's just make it into cookies. Why not?

So this is your breakfast, a bowl of chocolate chip cookies?

Why don't they just call this product the hell, with everything? Ice cream for lunch, cake for dinner, bacon and cigarettes in between.

The Cookie Crisp total health plan.

That would be it.

It feels incredibly hard to find a cereal in the United States that has any nutritional benefits, really.

What's your take on that?

Because I'm still looking for a granola here in America. that doesn't make me feel overwhelmed with sugar.

First off, if you're looking for a specific cereal, one of my favorites recently is a $13 box of cereal. I find only at Costco. It's called Morning Summit. The first ingredient is almonds. So it's very hearty, cornflakes with dried cranberries and cherries.

It feels like in the old days, people used to pretend cereal was a healthy start. to the day. Athletes would advertise it, hinting that eating a certain cereal would turn you into a long-distance runner or maybe a gold medal winner. There's a bit of that that still goes on. But largely in America, from what I can see, they've just given up on that.

Oh, my god!

How do you like that image? Want to hear? What the fuck, David? It's crazy, though. No, honestly, that's not bullshit.

Why again?

Look, it's like the logic of like the whole circumcision thing. It's basically to make them so bland. Right. Make this thing so bland, you feed it to the kids and their sex drive will literally decrease and they'll stop masturbating, which apparently back then they thought came with a host of terrible health benefits.

Okay, but so there's no science behind this at all? They just thought they'll be so annoyed after eating this bowl of nothing?

Yeah, bored, but also their libido will just literally drop because it's got nothing in there that would increase sex. Oh my god! It's like the opposite of an oyster. Have a cornflake.

That's so stupid. That makes no sense.

No, it's crazy.

Are you sure? No, no, it's a batshit fact about Kellogg's, but that was the entire intent behind cereal when it was birthed. Like the first cereal, technically porridge. Crazy. And yeah, and it just reminded me of that whole circumcision that we did, where doctors originally were sort of pushed into it because they were sort of all sort of Puritans and thought that this will stop kids masturbating.

I just have to bring it up because you brought up McDonald's a few times that I had In-N-Out for lunch.

Oh, wow.

It's such a nice day.

How was that? I know, it's so random.

It's a great burger.

It is.

What did you get? Double, double?

Well, no, the reason I brought it up is because I did get a lettuce wrap.

Oh, they do a lettuce wrap there.

Yeah, it's called protein style.

Yeah, protein style.

The reason I did it is because I get fries animal style, which at In-N-Out is fries with this ketchupy Thousand Island-ish sauce on it, mixed with caramelized onion and cheese. It's so good.

I've never had that. It's ridiculous. I haven't. Obviously, I need to.

You must. It's so good. It's a game changer. That's animal style. So I like everything animal style.

Does that make sense? That completely makes sense. That does make sense. It's a bit weird, but I'm into it. I'm into that logic.

Oh, I don't even know about it.

Yeah, it's dropping on Netflix. I think it'll be out by the time this episode's out. Is it scary? It's not scary. It's about a trained hitman, a killer, but kind of told in a procedural way.

It's true, except in Pulp Fiction.

Except in Pulp Fiction. It's really good. Really, really good. Two really good movies. Two very different movies, but I think you'll like.

Okay. I'll watch that. Anyway, sorry, back to cereal. I just had to talk about In-N-Out.

But I think burgers and cereal have a lot in common, because I really like what he said, the idea that you're kidding yourself if you go and get a burger for health. And you're kidding yourself if you're getting a healthy cereal.

I know. You have to know what you're doing. You have to know you're indulging. It's an indulgence.

Yeah, 100%. Yeah, anyone that eats cereal and says, oh, this is a healthy cereal, that's kind of bullshit.

Yeah. I never responded to how much milk. I'm just realizing. Oh, yes. I don't like so much milk where it's just swimming.

Yeah, so every spoonful will have a little bit of.

Has milk in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sugary milk.

Yeah. Well, that's the other thing about it, right? Because essentially, you're creating a little milkshake.

Yeah, do you drink it after?

Oh, I sip it up. Yeah, no, I'm one of those. Of course you do. I'll hold the bowl up. I mean, at that cafe with the milk in it, I would have happily held the bowl up and sipped it out.

Yes.

The joy of cereal is that.

Have you had the Momofuku Milk Bar, Cereal, Milk Ice Cream?

No, so it's like a cereal-y ice cream?

The ice cream is from cereal milk.

Oh, my God.

It's so good.

That's great. Yeah, it's delicious. No, I'm absolutely going to try that.

Highly recommend it.

Just imagine the factory, a load of people just eating bowls of cereal and pouring their milk out and freezing it. Truly disgusting. All right, there's more of this documentary. I'm going to play it to you.

I knew American cereal was bonkers, but I wondered if Thomas the Cereal Snob also understood this fact.

Do you appreciate how batshit insane America is when it comes to cereal? Because, I mean, you probably do, but I'm just telling you, it's fucking crazy.

I've traveled internationally a handful of times, and going to the cereal aisle has been my thing. I have to check it out. And I'm always blown away to see the lack of variety. Here, we have seven different types of Frosted Flakes. In the UK, they have two.

Same goes in New Zealand. When I went back to New Zealand earlier this year, some friends' kids requested certain American cereals they'd seen on YouTube or on TV, as they're impossible to get back home. That's how desperate New Zealand is.

How should I choose my cereals? Because I can't get every one.

I'm going to have to make some choices.

Well, first off, I want to tell you, you can get every one. If that's your dream, by all means, you can. I'm a living proof of that.

Welcome to America.

But I think get something chocolatey, something fruity, and something cinnamon-y.

Americans love cinnamon, right? Americans fucking love cinnamon.

Yeah, we do. I think Cinnamon Toast Crunch is probably the number one selling cereal, if I'm not mistaken. That's why there's a million varieties of it.

His advice of fruity, chocolatey, and cinnamon-y seemed sound. And so I dashed to my local supermarket, or grocery store, as you call them here.

Okay, I'm in the cereal aisle, and it's overwhelming. I'm at a Vons. Don't know what Vons stands for. Okay, I need something chocolatey, something fruity, and something cinnamon-y.

And something cinnamon-y.

God, this is crazy. Cinnamon Toast Crunch, there it is. There's so many cinnamon-y ones. Good Lord. Okay, I'll just get Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Speeding back to my apartment, I went straight into a taste test.

Alright, I'm in my kitchen, and I'm going to try these three cereals. Okay, first up, Cinnamon Toast Crunch. This comes with two times the vitamin D that I used to have, I suppose. 12 grams sugar, 170 calories.

Mmm,

Definitely getting some fruity flavors. Not fresh fruit.

Very crunchy.

I love the crunchiness of the Cocoa Puff. Mmm, 10 out of 10.. Flavor, 10 out of 10..

Just for full disclosure, I went back for seconds of the Cocoa Puffs after I'd turned off the mic. They were delicious. I've discovered my favorite American cereal so far.

But what about Thomas?

If you're going to be stranded on a desert island for, say, you know, 20 years, what three cereals, assuming you have a good supply on this island of milk, or whatever you put on your cereal, maybe there's a cow there you can milk every morning, what three cereals are you taking with you?

One of them would have to be Peanut Butter Chex. My first and foremost. I think it's one of the best cereals ever to exist, especially if you like peanut butter. A second would be that Morning Summit cereal I just mentioned, because it's hearty. in one bowl is enough.

I haven't tried any of those. I'm going to try all of them.

Oh, my gosh. Yes, you must.

There was something else I've become curious about, just with so many brands and types of cereal on the market.

Is there a cereal that they've discontinued? that you're like, fuck, why did they stop that, bring it back?

I'm the cereal snob. There's like a million cereals they've discontinued. So probably the most egregious one is Rice Krispie Street cereal. I started a petition back in 2019 on change.org to try and get them to bring that back. And this was before they totally discontinued it, because there's a long history of cereals just keeping the brand name but changing the cereal altogether.

I go and check Thomas's petition to make sure he's not lying to me. Turns out he was telling the truth. It currently sits at 26,874 signatures. That's the entire population of a large New Zealand town. And I was curious why Kellogg's wasn't listening.

Hello, and thank you for calling Kellogg Consumer Affairs. Our family of brands includes Kellogg's, Pringles, and Morningstar Farms products. To continue in English, press 1 or stay on the line. We are currently closed.

Ugh, this is complete bullshit. It's 10 a.m. Friday in L.A., which means it's 1 p.m. in the New York Kellogg's office.

Our regular hours are Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. Eastern Time.

Complete bollocks from Kellogg's. Their answer phone message went on.

If this is an immediate medical emergency, we suggest you contact a healthcare professional. For non-urgent requests, please call back during our regular hours.

I'm not sure it bodes well for a food company to assume you might be calling with a healthcare emergency,

but this is America, so okay.

Not deterred, I call their media line. I want to find out about those discontinued Rice Krispie Treats.

You have reached the Kellogg Company media hotline. If you are a reporter, producer, or member of the media, please press 1..

I pushed 1..

Sorry, we cannot connect your call at the moment. Please try again later.

Ugh, for fuck's sake.

I don't want to get into it here, but I often find this with America and phones. You just don't get anywhere. That'll be a separate episode. Anyway, defeated, I went back to Thomas, who didn't really care because he was just moaning about other discontinued cereals.

Another one that is sad is Apple Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Apple pie is one of my favorite things. It was the closest thing you could get to apple pie in a cereal bowl. I think they discontinued that in 2019, and that's one I'll miss forever.

I wonder if maybe the reason they discontinue cereals is just to make way for the new ones. If they weren't canceling some cereals as new ones came out, the grocery store would be nothing but cereal. Every aisle would just be cereal, cereal, cereal, cereal.

I guess, unless you're really paying attention to the cereal industry, I think you'd go down the cereal aisle and be like, oh, there's maybe one or two new cereals here. You do that once every year or so, but Cinnamon Toast Crunch, I wasn't joking, I think they'll probably release in the next calendar year six different variations on Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Frosted Flakes will do the same. Fruity Pebbles will have a couple of them. Initially, I thought I would be able to get to the end of reviewing all the new cereals.

There was one other thing I was wondering about. With all these new cereals, surely there would be some duds along the way.

What's the worst misfire for a cereal that's launched that you've come across? Just a cereal. that was a bad idea.

Oh, God. I want to say the Sour Patch Kids cereal or the Twinkies cereal or the Peanut Butter Chocolate Corn Pops. All three of those were like, well, the peanut butter one was slimy and disgusting. The Sour Patch Kids cereal is weird because it was so good as a Sour Patch Kids creation, but it wasn't a good cereal, period. Who wants a sour and sweet cereal in your milk?

I had one final important question for Thomas about cereal. My question was short and the answer very, very long. But what else could I expect from someone who calls themselves the cereal snob?

What is the correct milk level in a cereal bowl?

This is a divisive question. And it's also a dynamic answer, because I think, depending on what cereal you're eating, there's different levels of milk that you should have. Well, I used to be in the sense that I pour basically as much milk as I possibly could in my cereal because I would finish the cereal, pour more cereal and continue that process until I didn't want to eat anymore. But nowadays, I think it's actually so much better for me. I really love the crunch of the cereal.

I guess, at the end of the day, it's up to every American to decide not only what cereal they'll consume, but at what time of the day they'll consume it and with how much milk. America, land of freedom, land of 5,000 cereals.

That was such a fun, weird episode.

Thomas is good. His YouTube channel is The Cereal Snob. And it is just him reviewing every cereal that comes out. And, as you can tell, he's so engaged. And a simple answer like milk level just goes off on just a bonkers essay.

He's committed. I forgot completely about Rice Krispie Treat cereal.

You yelped while you were listening to that.

I fucking loved that cereal. And totally forgot about it.

Did it have gone? Yes.

That was my favorite, too.

That's so mad.

So good.

I'll send you guys his petition, which has been sitting there for years and apparently being ignored.

It's so confusing so many people liked it, why they would stop. Because I'm sure they made a ton of money.

Would you buy it weekly right now? if they made it still? I wouldn't. But I loved it.

Do you think you'd grow out of it?

The older you get, the healthier you get.

You're aware that it's terrible.

The less cereals you have in your pantry. But fuck, I would like to have it right now as a treat.

I will keep assisting with Kellogg's because it was comical. I called when they were definitely open and just every line went to a dead end. I'll keep trying them because it would be a great conversation to have. And I'm sure they want to have that conversation about who makes that decision. The other interesting thing is, there is this market for cereal boxes as collector's items.

Wow. Also, I'm looking right now at a Wheaties box in this attic with Dax's face on it. And I'm remembering that's a whole thing having the box, the characters, the slogans.

Literally, that was the next thing I wanted to raise. He talked about this at length, but it got so specific I was like I can't have this documentary rolling on for too long. But he went into how the box is so important because there's not many foods where you sit down to eat and you plonk this box down. And the box is kind of engaging.

It is. It's a visual component.

What's your memory? Because in New Zealand we'd have characters and puzzles and stuff.

Yeah. I think we had that. Little drawings and stuff on the back.

Yeah. There's not many foods where you sit down and you pick up the box. Yeah. And you're like oh, let's read this.

Part of the experience. You're right.

And there's toys in it.

And there's toys. Collectibles.

Did you have toys in New Zealand too?

We had collector's cards. You'd collect all the rugby players. They're like very sport, orientated again. The cereal. Wheat Bix.

Oh, I wonder if Wheat Bix is similar to Wheaties.

It might be. It was very wheat forward. Oh my god. But yeah, like we'd collect all the cards. Now also what he said increasingly it's modernized, and he's disappointed because he says the boxes are less creative.

Weird. I'm remembering. one of the major results of the Mandela effect is the Raisin Bran box.

I haven't heard this one.

Do you remember the Raisin Bran box? Does the sun have sunglasses on or not? Oh right.

Right. Okay.

And everyone says yes, it has sunglasses on.

I feel now you say that. I feel that was an icon I've seen.

Yes. A sun with sunglasses on. But it doesn't have sunglasses. But everyone remembers it with sunglasses.

Oh, that's particularly wild.

Yes. That's a really good example of the Mandela effect. And there's also so many in America film tie-ins and TV tie-ins. There'll be the Jurassic Park cereal. Or the Avengers cereal.

Yeah.

Ingrained. Oh.

Good job. I did a few of those while we were recording.

You did. You were firing. I was thinking the entire time. It was great. Maybe cereal can help you recover from your cold.

I'll give it a whirl. Give it a go. I do feel a little sacrilegious, because in America I feel like real Americans love fruity pebbles.

They're the thing.

They are. I feel like if you're a kid who doesn't like fruity pebbles, you're stupid. But I was a kid who didn't like fruity pebbles. I don't like fruity pebbles. I never liked it.

Too fruity or too sweet?

Too sweet.

They're not fruity. Similar to the fruity loop?

It's similar that it's just sugar bomb, but it's the shape of Rice Krispie Treats.

Right. Okay.

Well, it's not the shape, but it's the same effect, where it's just this teeny thin, nothing material that does get so soggy, it just turns into a paste.

Yeah, and it's just this horrible, like slushy thing in your mouth.

It's not for me.

I'm going to try it just out of curiosity. You have to. I mean I really like the chocolatey one. I love the chocolate. But I'll try the fruity pebbles because everyone keeps bringing it up.

You need fruity pebbles. I want you to try life. Okay. And what about Cheerios? Do you have Cheerios?

We don't have those in New Zealand. What? I haven't tried those either. Yeah. I mean you heard how long that taste test took for just three of them.

Yeah. Cheerios. besides, this morning summit. If you're going standard cereal, I would say Cheerios is the best for you.

Yeah. It's more like Vincent will eat Cheerios. Not Honey Nut. Just regular Cheerios.

I love Honey Nut.

I think something unique has happened in this episode, where I think we've all become a.

bit more American, because you've remembered this American cereal. you love that you've.

forgotten into the tides of time. You've remembered that. I've tasted all these other American cereals that I've never tasted before. Well, three of them. So I think we're all done well.

I think so too. And one thing that we've touched on in some of these previous episodes, but I think is a recurring theme, is America loves nostalgia.

Oh yeah.

We love it so much, and I have an armchair theory that it's because we're not that old of a country. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're kind of making up for it and like creating.

Going so hard into these moments that aren't that in the distant past.

Exactly. And cereal is such an indicator of nostalgia. Yeah. Because it immediately transports you to childhood. Yeah.

And I guess a lot of these ads use a similar themes and certainly the similar characters and you just the act of eating cereal takes you back to childhood. If you are bored this week, jump on YouTube and just go like 60s and 70s cereal commercials because they come across like a serial killer has made them. They're all slightly deranged. There's a lot of clowns. There's a lot of characters just doing very weird things around kids.

Have you ever gone as a cereal killer for Halloween, where you're dressed up as a cereal box? That's fun.

They must have. It's really good. Oh my God.

This was fun and this was a good memory lane episode.

Good memory lane. And we're all American. More American.

I think so. Yeah. Really good. But you have a little ways to go. More than three.

Okay.

Well, I'm off to the grocery store to get some chicken. Oh yeah.

To get some chicken and rice.

And a dog. And I'll throw a few more packs of cereal in for me. The dog can be slurping up its chicken and I'll be slurping up some cereal.

Let's give you five by today. Okay. Life.

Life. The Fruity Pebbles.

Fruity Pebbles. Rob, do you want to give one? you must give?

I mean you need Cheerios.

Okay. Cheerios. Yeah. Okay. Is there one with like a lion or a tiger on it?

There is a tiger.

Oh, there's Frosted Flakes.

Frosted Flakes.

Frosted Flakes. Yeah. That's the one with the tiger. Yeah.

That's what I'm thinking of.

Okay. I'll get those and I'll start with those.

When he brought up Apple, something it reminded me of Apple Jacks. I loved Apple Jacks. It's still in existence.

Yeah. They had good commercials, I think too.

What is an Apple Jack?

I don't want to tell you. I want you to try it and then tell us what you taste.

Okay. I'm going to say Apple Jack. I'm guessing it won't be apples.

Homework. This week was a big homework week. We had homework on Sync, this show, and Armchair.

Have you had Lucky Charms? No.

No. Fuck!

It's marshmallows and then also little-.

Jesus, really?

Charms. Like Cheerios, essentially? Yeah.

In different shapes. And marshmallows in shapes.

Oh, that's incredible.

I would get yelled at because I just eat the marshmallows.

Yeah, of course everyone would, because the other part sucked. That's so American. You have to get- But it's like dehydrated marshmallow that when it gets in the milk it gets so slippery and glossy, and kids are disgusting.

I mean, it is wild how health conscious we've become aware. We're so aware of it.

I know.

But cereal has somehow just coasted on through. It's as popular as ever. It's true. It's still increasingly deranged, and we're all into it. I mean, I'm sort of into it.

It's a staple. It's an American staple.

I do think there's a weird conspiracy around the Lucky Charms being satanic and the-.

Oh, really?

And the ones that taste bad, and then the Lucky Charms are like wholesome. I remember hearing something like that. I thought it was from you.

Amazing. No, I don't think I've come up with that one. It sounds great though.

Ooh.

Time to bring back. I'm Trina Dangerous.

Okay, but add that to the list, because that's so American, Lucky Charms. Okay, great. Good pull, Rob.

Oh my God. This is another very American thing. You wanted to give me five. Now I've got about 10.. I can't do it.

I know a lot of people want to eye roll at that, but I love it.

I remember, the first time I came here visiting and it was one of the things that just brought me so much joy was that aisle. I was like, America is so big. Everything is possible. It's all here. It's awful, but also really magnificent.

I like it too.

5,000 different cereals.

It's bonkers.

New ones will drop next week. Oh. I'll send you the link for that petition so you can sign it as well. Maybe with you two signing it, Kellogg's will push them over the edge. I can't wait.

They could at least bring it back for a month. Yeah. They would bank. They would make so much money if they did a limited edition of it.

If someone at Kellogg's wants to send us some boxes of fresh Rice, Krispie treats, cereals.

Yeah, totally. If you don't remember Kellogg's reasoning, absolutely. I mean, you wouldn't pick up your buddy's phone when I was calling, so if you want to email, just email us.

We'll take it.

All right. All right. Love you guys. Bye.

Bye.

Love you. Love you.