Rebel Wilson

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dax, Randall Shepard. I'm joined by Monica Lilly Padman. Hi there. Hello there.

Extremely funny lady.

Incredibly talented lady. She is an actor, a comedian, and a producer. She just, you know.

You know her.

She stood out like a motherfucker in all the Pitch Perfects.

I know.

You know, I hadn't seen all those when they came out. So I'm not a big glee or musical theater person. But now that I have children's who watch TV, I have seen all three of them. They're so good. They're outrageously good.

It is. Lots of turns and twists.

Yeah, and an incredible amount of honesty from Rebel. I loved getting to talk to her. Me too. And meet her, yeah. Please enjoy Rebel Wilson.

He's an armchair expert.

He's an armchair expert.

He's an armchair expert.

I bought you some Australian cookies.

Oh, Tim Tams! My favorite ones.

You know what's funny?

So they're fresh from Australia.

We do a show with a guy named David Ferrier. It's called Flightless Bird.

He's a Kiwi.

And similarly, every time he goes home and comes back, he brings Monica and I.

Do you have to soundproof this building or no? It still works.

Lots of noises.

Yeah, so you don't get, yeah, so it doesn't.

We get a lot of complaints. You'll hear like, it'll happen during that certain time, and Bob's going out there, you'll hear, can you be, is Monica, Rebel?

So nice to meet you. Thanks for coming. Oh, my pleasure.

We were in here one time, and a fucking bulldozer bumped into the building. We were interviewing somebody. It was like, whoa! It was like it was going to come down. Because what are you doing?

Rebel, what are we doing?

Because I'm very into renovation.

You would be in heaven over here. Okay, you want the full lady?

She just brought these from Australia. Fresh Tim Tams.

This is very exciting. Why don't you have one?

The Australian version, not like the shit version you can get in Gilson's. that is like made in America.

What do you think makes it different?

Because we have different chocolate, because of different milk. Different milk. Sheep's milk. Quality of the chocolate. So, yeah.

Kiwi sheep's milk.

Wait, Dax, Kiwi's a different country. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know.

But David doesn't always brag about the chocolate in New Zealand.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The Australian chocolate is better. Oh, wow.

And I know how much you guys hate being confused,

which is why I'm kind of doing it intentionally. Yeah, yeah, that's like a local, that's like Americans versus Canadians.

Although, is it, though? Because when we travel abroad, if someone says, are you from Canada? We're pleasantly surprised and flattered. Because that means we're kind of polite and kind. It's a compliment to be confused as Canadian.

We call New Zealanders like sheep fuckers. Yes. But as a joke. Sure. We love New Zealand.

It's impossible not to like.

Russell Crowe's New Zealander. We claim him as Australian. There's a few people like that.

Did he come early enough that he could make that?

Yeah, I think for his first, I believe he was in Rocky Horror Picture Show or something.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, as a young Russell Crowe. In Australia, and so we claimed him.

Sure, that's fair. Yeah. And then he was in that outrageously good movie, not Romper Stomper, Romper Stomper?

Yeah. Yeah, that was good. Scary. Classic. Scary.

You picked the right spot.

You kind of got lucky.

Yeah.

It took me 10 years in LA to discover this area.

Well, it turns out this was like a cool comedy area. It is, isn't it?

It over indexes.

Yeah, I know, so.

But you're up by the Hollywood sign.

Yeah, now I'm in Hollywood Hills, and I have a beautiful view. I look over, I see a Hollywood sign and Universal Studios. So you can see the fireworks from the Harry Potter Castle. It's pretty sick.

Kristen similarly had a house across the 101 in Studio City that looked over Universal. Same thing, every night you could watch the fireworks.

It's awesome.

Every night?

Well, yeah, they have a show.

Yeah, I think it's multiple times at 9 p.

It's like Disneyland.

Yeah. How exciting.

They're biting Disney. I love fireworks.

I love fireworks a bit too much. Like when I went to Florida, and then I bought all these and took them on the private plane coming back, which I'm not sure whether you're allowed to do. Probably not. But we hid them in garbage bags. And then I set them off in West Hollywood and stuff.

Paratroopers.

So I just kept setting them off.

Yeah.

And people called the cops. And then I go, oh, it wasn't me. Couldn't have been me. I thought the neighbors were doing fireworks.

I was just about to call.

I'm glad you're here. Yeah, yeah.

Thank God, you just saved me a phone call. Well, I think the main concern here, by the way, I've done it. In fact, on my Instagram, we had a big firework debacle in the backyard on New Year's. The big concern, I think, is fire, especially where you live.

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. I wouldn't do it in the Hollywood Hills. Okay. I'm only willing to destroy West Hollywood.

Right, right. Okay, but do you get a ton of looky-loo tourists trying to find the sign? Are you plagued by that?

Nah, I'm in a hidden little area.

Tell us your address. My address?

Well, my stalker knows.

Oh, good, oh, good.

The address, if you're listening. Do you really have one? He lives in Long Beach. Yes, and I have a restraining order.

What's the weirdest thing that this person has done?

They think that I had a child with them 20 years ago. Okay. Wasn't even in America at that point.

And it would have been a virgin birth, I've read your book.

Yeah, no, good point. You know, and I said to the police, I go, I would know if I was pregnant and had had his child. Sure. And he believes I had a child of his called David, and that he was once my Lyft driver here in LA and that I confessed everything to him. Oh, boy.

So he's never seen the son, he's just aware of the son.

He believes I hide the son in my house.

Well, anything to protect your child.

Yes. Are you caught between abject fear and like mild compassion?

Well, yeah, because the person must really believe it's true. Yeah. Because he would write like 20 page handwritten letters explaining his love for his son and how he met me at some VIP after party. And I wasn't even famous. then.

Until you do. Yeah.

I mean, sorry to say that.

I just want you to stay careful.

They will say that the legal system worked and he hasn't been around since the restraining order, so that's good.

Does he live with his parents?

I don't know.

I don't know that much. You've never found him in your house with your underwear on or anything?

No. Okay, okay. He never went inside the house. Oh, thank God. Just on the property.

Am I caught between trying to make jokes about it and also very scared for you?

Have you guys had stalkers?

Kristen had a half one.

Yeah, we've had some bizarre people from other countries.

Does she have any Frozen fans?

They're too tiny. Oh, yeah, okay. Just push them out of the way. They're all four year olds. And they are obsessed, but that's what they're supposed to be.

Yeah. I mean, she kind of is, though.

Yeah, it's true. But I did have a woman, I was right at the corner here of Western Hollywood, and there's a little plaza there with the Ralphs, and there's a very inexpensive, very high salt Chinese restaurant there. I was in there eating with three friends. A woman walked by a few times. She kept looking at me.

Classic.

Textbook.

So more likely that you did impregnate her.

She was not unattractive. That was the other confusing part. Yeah, because you have a stupid stereotype in your mind of a crazy woman who thinks she's had kids with people, and it's unflattering. Don't rule anyone out.

That's right. Pretty people can be crazy.

Brad Pitt could be nuts.

No, he's so not.

He's so not. Yeah, he's not.

He's great. I like to ask this question of everyone who's written a book, who comes, because I do think, not to bore the audience, who's already heard the spiel many times, but truthfully, I know personally, writing something in my room is one experience. Having a journal is one experience. Even publishing it, there's control. But then something can get dicey about then talking about it.

Yeah, I wonder whether you can sense my embarrassment or nervousness about it, because this was something that I just did by myself in various locations, but I kind of have a bit of a reading disorder, so I have to write in quiet. And so it's literally just this thing I did on and off for two years, completely by myself, and all my most personal, intimate things. And then even just giving it to the editor for the first time was like, oh, geez.

Someone's going to read all this.

Are they going to think I'm mental? And then now, why I'm fearful, because nobody has read it, because it's been embargoed, apart from you. guys, got a sneak peek.

I love it. It's such a shitty copy, too. It's like you turned in a term paper.

It's a paper.

No, but it looks limited edition. You can just do that at home. And so my family doesn't know what's in it, and there's some things that I've not told anybody ever until the book comes out. I know mentally it's going to come out, but it is a bit nerve wracking. But then also, when I got the opportunity to write it, I was like, well, I may as well just go for it and say everything.

If you're going to do it.

I'm not going to do it half-heartedly.

But I had a good friend, and she had written this really powerful piece. It was roughly around Me Too moment, and it was vaguely about her mother and how judgmental she had been of the mother, but then recognizing how much older the dad was and that really the mom was a victim of this. And it was so beautifully written. And we're really best friends. And when we went to talk about it on here, I could sense, oh, she's happy to write it and to have total control of how it comes out and structure, but she doesn't want to talk about it here, which was fine.

You guys are my very first interview. Oh, okay.

So we're going to set the tone. We'll see. We'll see.

Yeah. I hope you don't.

Yeah, I hope I don't. I'm just more worried. My mom, for example, hates if I say anything bad ever about my childhood. Sure. I'll say like, well, we did have McDonald's three times a week.

You went to Sizzler for all. you could eat shrimp. I love that.

But by the way,

mom, that's awesome. That makes me relate.

Or people go from high school or whatever. Oh, I didn't remember it that way. Those kinds of things.

How much did you wrestle with that? Cause? I'm writing something right now too. And I'm like, I can acknowledge. this is my version.

Well, one thing with my sister, Liberty, I had to check in and go, is this what you remember? Cause she's a little bit younger than me. And she goes, yeah, I don't think it didn't happen. You know? And some people do have slightly different versions, especially things a long time ago.

Monica and I were talking yesterday and she was like, what was your favorite teacher? And I said, Mrs. Giglio. When I was in kindergarten, she invited me over for spaghetti. And she's like, she did?

are you sure you didn't make it up?

And it's like, no, we're not sure.

I don't know. Well, my mom was a school teacher and then she, back in the day, took the kids swimming on weekends, and they sometimes didn't have swimsuits or whatever, and would just jump in the harbor. And I go, how is that? That wouldn't obviously be allowed now.

Yeah, some of this stuff just genuinely would never fucking happen, which almost makes you go like, well, could it have happened? But then you're like, no, no, this stuff is happening all the time.

But even then, if it was a male teacher, that would be bad.

Isn't that interesting?

If a male teacher invited you over for spaghetti, it'd be like, no. You're right.

That's a bummer too. It is kind of a bummer. It's all a bummer, but look, I have kids and I'm not having male babysitters in their teens. That's a bummer. I'm playing a part, but I'm not willing to roll the dice.

Yes.

You were a little baby in Sydney. Yeah. And your mom and dad were dog groomers, breeders, showers. So more,

I would say, dog showers then. And then we had a family business selling pet products at the dog shows. So basically, if you've seen that movie, Best in Show, that was my life. When I watched that, that wasn't comedy. to me.

And you were selling lollies.

That was my first business. I was an entrepreneur. I had my own little lolly shop. Although the first before that, I would collect up the soda cans from the dog show and recycle them for money, for the aluminum cans.

Was there a deposit there that was refunded? That's how it was in Michigan. Other places just paid you for the bulk aluminum.

You'd squash them all down with your little foot and then put them all in these bags. And yet they'd weigh them on a big like fish hook, and you get paid per weight. You know, you might get $5 if it was a really heavy, heavy bag for the aluminum.

The lolly shop grew to such a size that the organizers were like, no, no, you're gonna have to rent space.

Yeah. I mean, the adults, like the guy with like the toasted sandwich van and the pancake man, they were just like, this girl's, taking our profits. They basically banned me from having the lolly shop at the dog show because I wasn't paying rent, like the adults were.

You didn't need rent. Your lollies were so small. Yeah.

You were trading on your young cuteness and you got busted.

Let's own it. They were like,

real cute. You're making more than us.

They hated it. Yeah.

You taught me a really great word. I identify as white trash. People don't like when I say that, but I love it. I'm total white trash, but bogan.

Okay. Yeah. I thought you were gonna say bogan. Yeah. So bogan's an Australian word.

The working class. Yeah.

But who are also proud of being bogans as well.

Like hillbilly.

Yeah. Say they're trailer trash and they love it. Similar kind of thing. Proud of our upbringings in the rough part of Sydney, which isn't rough compared to other rough parts in the world. We'll step back.

Put an asterisk next to rough.

Australia's not exactly that rough, but this was the rougher areas.

And you have a sister and a brother.

Two sisters and a brother.

And what kind of girl were you?

Growing up, I was really shy, bordering on some kind of social disorder. Wouldn't really talk to anybody. And then I think I was around 14.. I read this article that said, whatever you are at 15 is basically your personality for life.

Oh. Oh shit.

And I was like,

sitting in the school library going,

oh, I don't think I want to be this girl. that's like too shy to even answer a question in class. I don't want to be that for the rest of my life. Like I hated being that. And the good thing about being shy is you can observe everybody.

No, but yeah, reading people.

Yeah. And then I thought, well, I don't want to be shy and have no friends. And so I went on this mission. I found this gym bag in my dad's car that had all these cassette tapes. And I was like, what is this?

I know you have a complicated relationship with dad.

Yeah.

As did I. But it's hard not to think that's sweet at this point.

I know. Because he was obviously trying to improve his life. So I just took the cassettes. Never said anything. He never said anything either.

Dale Carnegie.

Yeah. And then I started trying to implement the things.

What are the tips? Like you say, people's names a lot and shit.

The one I remember in that one, Dax, was to try to talk to five new people every day. And I went to an all girls school. So I, just, on the bus, would try to speak to somebody different. It was horrible the first few weeks. Embarrassing and just weird.

That's the hiccup in our thinking is we feel ostracized and alone. But we assume everyone else is having a great time. And we're wrong.

Yeah. And then I kind of changed my status from being the least popular girl at the school to being like the most popular.

Wow. And how did debate file into that?

As part of that, I had to push myself to do like public speaking and debating. Because that to me was like my nightmare. So I just pushed myself. And the first times I did it, like I'd just go all red in the face. It must've been disastrous.

But God, most adults can't do that. Push themselves to do something so uncomfortable. I'm amazed that you, as a kid, could do that.

I was like, I don't want to be like a loser nobody who's so shy and can't express herself. And then, part of that time before I kind of transitioned to being a more expressive person, my mom dragged me to these acting classes at the local community center.

Why do you suppose she did that? Just to help you get out of your shell?

Yeah, but she did it in a real tough love kind of way. She didn't tell me I was going. I go, why are we stopping here? And she's like, get out of the car. And I wouldn't, because then I saw like, oh, community center.

Good for her, by the way. This is terrible parenting nowadays, but good for her.

I know, but if she hadn't done it, I maybe would have been a recluse.

You'd be picking your butt at Sizzler right now. Yeah, maybe.

I wouldn't have had the life that I had. So I do thank her, obviously. I have my career now.

How quickly did it get its hooks in you? How quickly did you realize, oh, I do like this?

It definitely took six months. Writing the book, I was so traumatized by having to talk in front of people, and especially other kids who, some of them were extroverted, that I spoke in this weird kind of American accent.

You've made a character.

For like six months. Yeah, because I couldn't. It was so hard to just be you. Yeah, no, it was really, really traumatizing. And then, when you see those movies like split and the people talk in a different voice, it was almost like that, because it was so traumatic.

There has to be something innate about this impulse, because I've talked about this on here. Like my daughter's. one time in particular, I took her on a publicity tour and she was young. She was probably too young to be on this tour with me, but I was like, this will be a great experience. She was three or four.

Cause. I don't know why I did it. That was just my only way of coping with the traumatic situation of being thrown in a classroom of kids and having to play theater sports.

It's like a lizard changing the color of their skin. I don't know. It's very interesting. Although in your case, you stuck out more. Yeah.

how long have you been in Australia? And I had to quickly create a backstory, but it took about six months. And then I kind of started enjoying it and enjoying doing the little scenes in the acting class and getting slowly more confident. And the great thing about the creative arts is that there's all these studies that shows. it really helps young people's self-esteem and self-confidence.

You were trying to be invisible.

Yeah, basically.

I don't feel like that got chased down so much in the book with this desire to be invisible.

So that was when I was unpopular. The worst thing is to be unpopular and very visible cause. then you get the one that get bullied. So I was the unpopular one, nobody knew. I knew the girl that had all the dandruff and she was getting bullied, or the girl, she had this sanitary pad at the swimming carnival and jumped in a swimming pool and the sanitary pad floated up to the surface.

So fucking brutal. A lot of women who've been sexually abused when they were young, they aim to make themselves invisible. That's a product of that trauma. So sad that you'd wanna go through life disappearing.

Yeah, it was more not to be bullied, cause I was just conscious of not sticking out. And then I'd always come home and then my mom's like, so you know, you've got any friends?

Would you lie to her?

I just kind of avoid it. I could tell her concern, and I think part of why she wanted to push me into those acting classes is cause, if I got a bit more confident, I could have friends and invite them to birthday parties.

That's the other thing for getting confident about being on a stage. It's the same as joining a sports team. You are inextricably dependent on one another for the thing to work. You're forced to value one another and see one another, and it does plop you in a community.

And one of the strategies of becoming popular that I definitely did was join all the sports teams. You did? School, field hockey we had at my school.

That's big, right?

Yeah, it's big in those kinds of girls schools in Australia and we'd play cricket, very British. Softball, tennis, which we'd have teams, even though tennis is more individual. Basketball.

And were you good at these things?

Yeah, I was good at tennis. My uncle's very good at tennis and is a tennis coach.

And you got tennis lessons. This is one of the things you thanked your father for.

Oh yeah, yeah. So I thought maybe I could become a professional tennis player and I would carry these bricks in my school bags to try to build up my shoulders. Sure. Which I think maybe is why I have big shoulders today. But I was never gonna be tall enough.

Is it fair to say that you had developed a really rich fantasy life because you were invisible?

Because I didn't really have friends in elementary school, I'd talk to my little toys and stuff and they'd be my friends. so I must have had this really great active imagination. And then later in life, because I had no real love life, I think I had a real imagination in my mind with that stuff as well.

I can relate.

The irony, you know, we're gonna get to the best chapter that Monica's gonna be like so dialed in. The irony, that you have and had played so many characters that were overtly sexual.

Yeah.

Drawing from what other than this fantastical imagination?

Yeah.

Movies, all the things.

You just pick up on it in pop culture.

But you didn't just pick up on it, you kind of mastered it. Anyone from the outside would think you were the thing you were playing so often.

Yeah, I know. And then a lot of people thought I wasn't a great actress, I was just being myself. And then I was like, if only they knew.

I read that and I was like, whoa.

Did you feel fraudulent ever? Or were you just like, no, I'm acting.

Well, to me it's acting, but then it would make me laugh. Often also, people think I'm a partier because of some of the characters I played. I'm like the opposite. And then I go, well, that's because of my good acting.

Right. James Franco had to admit on Stern that he doesn't smoke pot. People are like, what are you talking about? It's like you and Snoop and Seth Rogen. This can't be true.

So I just took it as a compliment to my acting.

So you go to this all girls school and it's a very, very good school. And it's important to your dad, I guess to sum him up briefly would be, he's very, very controlling. He's got some rage issues.

He was never diagnosed psychologically what he had, but yeah, definitely inability to express emotions properly.

Without screaming and threatening.

Yeah.

But he had gone to the brother's school of this school and was very proud of that, right?

Yeah, and that school was called King's. It's very fancy. They wear all military uniforms and have all these amazing facilities, including a multimillion dollar theater, which I got the benefit of performing in. His wish for his children was that we all got to go to these good private schools and that he would, no matter what, find out a way to pay for them.

Because his own personal dream that had been cut short and or altered by the death of his father, the thing he was trying to heal in himself. was that, right? He felt like he should have maintained this trajectory and didn't.

So his father, my grandfather, it's a bit of a family mystery, was apparently murdered when he was in his final year of high school. And so that changed his trajectory of his life and might have caused his issues. And so, yeah, I think he never got to fulfill what he wanted to do.

So it was imperative that you did?

Because he had to work so hard, like had to sell a lot of dog products, to, like afford this school. At one point, my dad was working nights in the gas station and doing all sorts of things to get the money, because not just the school fees, but the uniforms and all the textbooks and everything was really expensive. But then he put a lot of pressure on me, especially being the oldest, that I then had to deliver. And then weirdly, I didn't work this out till later, but he did love comedy.

You and I aren't as similar, but what year did your dad die?

10 years ago now.

2014?

Yeah.

So my dad died in 2012.

I felt like that too, because I was almost estranged from my father for a long time, since mum kicked him out of the house when I was 16.

Hi, I resent you. Let's celebrate this holiday together.

Here's a present and I'll take your present. Right. And we'll pretend to talk for a few minutes and it'll be real awkward. And then he's the villain who I hated. Part of writing this book, you do realize that people are complicated and you see other sides of them, and they're good things that I couldn't remember.

I almost think you're destined to have issues with the one you're most like. So when I really account for his life objectively, I'm like, oh, the greatest gift I have in life is that I have a lot of friendships and I'm so spoiled in that way. And my dad had a fucking kabillion friends and I'm like, oh, okay, I guess that's true. Like, that's clearly him. And then, boy, you just start looking more and more, not in your case, but for me, look more and more every day in the mirror and you're like, oh, Jesus, this is fucking him.

Sometimes some of the dark things from my dad, I put into jokes. You're like, oh, well, that's really where I get it from. Which makes me a bit edgier. sometimes. I don't know whether you know any performers that they've had like this amazing sweet childhood, and then sometimes their work comes out a bit vanilla because they haven't had any.

Yes, I have a very specific memory of seeing someone's one man showing. They tell this beautiful story of being so supported by their father. And I'm like, this is why I'm not that into your comedy.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's just that you've had a really nice childhood and I can't relate.

Yeah.

Now, do you think the school being all girls was a blessing?

Oh, a hundred percent.

Because I think, I don't know if you could have mounted this personality reversal if we add boys to the mix.

It would have been hard.

It would have been even harder. And my cousins who went to mixed schools, they ended up getting pregnant like 15, 16.. And then that made their life go in a different trajectory. Weirdly, being in an all girls school, we were very protected. Like we had bars on the window to not go over to the boys' school next door, which we are only allowed to go to the boys' school if you're in the theater productions.

Did you have crush on boys in fantasies?

Yeah, and I did have a little boyfriend who was the stage manager, you know, of the play. How cute. In the tech crew. But I think we only kissed once in this very short-lived thing. When I went on a family holiday to Disneyland, which was my parents' last-ditch attempt to see whether their relationship would work.

Yeah, that's enough for me.

I'm focusing on my studies.

Okay, so you take a gap year out of high school.

Yeah, so I did the most unusual thing after high school. I did really well in high school and got into the top law school.

You were number two in food science? What the fuck? Oh, food technology. Food technology, I read that and I'm like, what does that mean?

That counts as a science, like chemistry and biology. Wow. There's food technology. It's basically home economics, but a bit more scientific. But I literally did that, just scam the system and get a hundred.

Smart. It worked. You were number two in the state.

Yeah, and so I did really well. Could have gone into any law or medicine. And then, weirdly, I was this witness in a major crime squad investigation. And from that, this guy had said to me, you should apply for this Rotary Youth Ambassador Program. You get to be a youth ambassador for Australia and you get sent to a country.

It's like missionary work without the church.

Yeah, because there was a bit of charity. So I got selected for the program and got sent to South Africa. And then some of the charitable things was we build a rape crisis center. But mainly it's a bit like a cultural exchange and you give speeches about Australia when you go. And then you also get to tour all around Southern Africa.

And you were not given malaria pills, or were you given them and didn't take them? Because Monica and I just went to India and all we did is fret over whether we're going to take these things or not.

So some people go, if you take them, if you're prone to some kind of mental illness or whatever, you might make you crazy or. A little lore. And I was like, oh no.

Mallory lore.

And then I was in and out of malarial zones all the time. So I think at first I did take some tablets that I had. And then by this point in the year. Like I've gone crazy. Yeah, I was like, oh, I'm in and out of malarial zones every weekend.

Oh. What a great reaction.

Yeah, Monica, so this is what happens.

Wow.

Because another girl got it with me and she had been taking the malarial tablets. So.

You feel vindicated.

Yeah, even if I had taken the tablets.

One more rubber and one didn't. Yeah.

Although pregnant, so you feel good about your decision. I got malaria. From rural Mozambique. And I know the day I got it.

I know the mosquito is exactly the same.

Because it was too late. And then we had to just set up camp under the truck and they go, oh, don't go wandering off, because there's landmines in this area. So I remember exactly. I slept on the road under the truck. And the one side of my face was all mosquito bites when I woke up.

Well, you, because you stopped taking them. Oh.

He stopped.

And I didn't even know any lore about going crazy. Oh yeah.

And it's really bad.

Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

So I was in this aerobics class doing the grapevine. And suddenly I'm like, I don't feel so good. And then cut a few hours later, nighttime, and I'm just moaning, lying in bed. And it kind of felt like I was in my body, but I felt like I was a meter away. It's not like a cold or flu.

It's unique unto itself.

And then I was just going, ah, ah, ah. And then eventually the host mother took me to the hospital the next morning. And then I remember them giving me some kind of morphine type drug to make it all stop. And they started treating me and I lost my hearing because the drugs were so powerful that they needed to pump me with. It was a real bad strain.

Did they call mom and say, like, come now?

They did only a few days later. Because this was before really cell phones existed, but I didn't have one.

Everyone's playing this game. Like, do we scare the parent? They're all the way in Australia. Let's see how this goes for a few more hours. Like, everyone's probably trying to make some cost benefit analysis.

And they eventually call my mom. And she was at a point in her life where she didn't have the money to fly over. So even if she'd wanted to and she had three kids with her at home, she couldn't have come over.

Fucking Rotary Club.

Yeah, dilemma. Goddamn Rotary.

They're out there saying they're good.

How long?

I was in hospital for two weeks. But during that time, I have this hallucination. And the hallucination was that I was an actress and that I win an Academy Award.

What?

And it was so real. I'd probably seen the Oscars maybe a couple times on TV, but it was so real. I come out of the hospital and I say to everyone, I'm gonna be an actress now and I'm gonna be really good. And everyone's like, uh...

Let's send her back into the hospital.

We think the malaria has demented you and you are actually insane. now. I'm like, no, no, no. I saw her. I was wearing a dress and I went up there and I won.

I literally lived it in a hallucination.

Yeah, and I'm telling you, I saw it happen. I had to stop telling people, basically because they thought I was mentally insane. But when I came back to Australia, I did law school during the day and then acting at night. And then eventually it did happen a few years later and got on TV.

Yeah, you have this mix of like, you were working a bunch in Australia, but then also you moved to New York in 2003.

Because I got a scholarship from Nicole Kidman to help my acting by doing extra training somewhere in the world. So I chose New York to come to Second City Comedy School, because we don't have any comedy schools in Australia. Even though Second City is bigger in Chicago, I wanted to go to New York because I love theater as well. So I wanted to go to Broadway. So I kind of combined the two.

You wanted your cake and eat it too.

Yeah, I wanted to see Broadway shows really. So I was like, thanks Nicole for paying for it.

So she just has like a scholarship fund?

Yeah, she had at the time. I was the 16th person to win it. And I got to go to New York, but only for three months. Wow, that's pretty great. Yeah, and it was over winter.

Did you love Second City?

Yeah, I was looking back at my diaries over that time and Jack McBrayer was my teacher. He won! In one of the classes.

Sweet Jack McBrayer.

Who I then ended up seeing on 30 Rock. So it was cool because I learned a lot of stuff. And then, when I got back, I got cast in a sketch comedy show in Australia called The Wedge. And I wrote and performed my own characters, which is not as good as like a Saturday Night Live or anything, limited budgets in Australia. But it's kind of a similar type of thing.

Also, you were on pizza.

My first breakout role was the show called Fat Pizza, which was also a movie, which is a bit confusing. I was in both. And basically I played this Greek gang girl and I dyed my hair black. I did nunchucks and kind of crazy shit, bashed people up and real popular in Australia, but very stereotypical, a lot of race humor, a lot of things that wouldn't be appropriate now. Wouldn't fly.

Yeah, and they had the Nicole Kidman scholarship.

Yeah, they didn't know that.

Lawyer. Yeah, I know. Wintered in New York.

They'd literally like, oh, what train station did you find this girl at? They thought I was the real deal.

I imagine I would have gotten comfortable there. You're working, you're supporting yourself. Why ever leave that? Do you know Josh Lawson? by chance?

So Josh is one of the people that gave me advice. Get the fuck out. To come to America.

Oh, okay.

We love Josh. I'd only known two people who had gone to America and booked a job, and Josh was one of them. So we went out to lunch in Melbourne and I was like, oh, I'm thinking of going over and trying my luck. And I'd had my own comedy show, which I'd written and produced as well. And so I was getting a bit of attention and I got a meeting with WME, the agency.

This sounds like risky advice. No, I think that's pretty risky.

He stared me in my eyes and said, you have to sell yourself. Do not do the Australian thing. You know, Matt Lucas, who's my friend, who's British, said one time on a red carpet. From Little Britain. Yeah, one time on a red carpet, someone goes, congratulations on the movie.

So let's talk about that for half a second, because this is probably so ill suited for most people, and artists in particular. But for me, my dad was a car salesman. I probably would have sold cars had I not left Michigan. This is my favorite part of the job, a blind date with an executive. Did you hate them or love them?

It is like dating and you go there and you've literally got about 30 minutes to like, excite them, entertain them, intrigue them, make them potentially wanna hire you and see you again. But luckily, I had pretty interesting stories in my life.

And you're already interesting because you're novel and you're Australian.

Yeah, and I was a big girl, I don't know, about 220 pounds. There really wasn't many at that time. And that, I think, is the reason WME signed me. And then I came and then I was different because I-.

But hold on, let's take one second for that, because it actually is an enormous part of the story. as you end up at a fertility clinic. So right out of the gates, you do connect the fact that I am occupying a niche. that is going to be beneficial.

Yes, I forget whether it was Josh or the other person I asked for advice. They said, don't come to America and say you can do everything, because then you'll get nothing. You've got to specifically pigeonhole yourself. And that pigeonhole was the female Jonah Hill, because Jonah Hill had been in some of Jada Apatow's movies and it was really popular. So they go, you've got to sell yourself in a very small pigeonhole.

Yeah, clearly. We're chatting and you own a nice house.

I think. a nice car. Yeah, a G-Wagon. Yeah, still got it.

In Australia, your work on The Wedge and Pizza, were you also being the female Jonah Hill there?

No, I was doing mainly comedies at that point on television. The stage, I'd done all sorts of things and I'd been on like 13 different TV shows, culminating in where I had my own show in Australia. It was different because I'd written it and also produced it as well and done the legal contracts, which was, you know, people were like, how'd she do her own DVD distribution deal? I'm like, well, yeah, law degree as well. And then I think they found that combination interesting as well.

And then Bridesmaids, happens pretty quick.

Yeah. One of those general meetings was with Alison Jones, casting director.

Yeah, she's lovely.

Yeah, and then she remembered me and then brought me in for Bridesmaids, and they were always going to give it to me because she's excellent. And I think they were friends with her from Groundlings, but they needed another choice to bring into the studio to go, oh, you know, look how great Melissa is. Right, yeah, yeah. This is the best of the rest, this girl from Australia, but Melissa's going to get the job.

I was around for that. Kristen was having a very uphill battle getting her in the movie to be funny.

Yeah, they wanted her, though. The writers. And that was right, because she was incredible. But then maybe the studio wasn't sure. Then I come in and it's Kristen Wiig sitting on a stool behind the camera, Judd Apatow, Paul Feig, and Alison.

Monica, your guys' story is very similar. Yeah. Monica did a lot of lining up.

Yeah, I like, went in the middle of the night and stood there. Anyway, so I was like, oh, Kristen Wiig. And I go, but now's my chance. And then all that experience from Australia, doing improv, doing stand-up comedy, doing a lot of acting. I was like, I'm just going to go for it.

They wrote you a part.

So for a second, I thought I had got the role. And so then I was obviously a bit disappointed, because, oh, what is this new other role? And then they go, you've just been cast in a Jada Patel-Paul Feig movie. Aren't you happy? And I went, yeah.

You had this expectation.

Yeah, that I'd got the role I auditioned for.

But you were smart enough, or the people around you were smart enough to go still be a part of this.

Oh, yeah. And I knew it was going to be a very successful movie. I went and filmed only a week on it.

It's such an accelerant too. Now, when you audition for things, you're in Bridesmaids. Everyone in town wants the next Bridesmaids. Just to be associated with it. is this enormous propulsion forward, right?

It was a gift. And then I talk about. I got paid $3,500 and that $3,500 I had to give to join SAG, the union. So I really made nothing and paid for myself to go to the premiere. So I really lost at least $10,000..

In 40-year-old.

Yeah, 40-year-old virgin. And I was like, oh, okay, then he got jobs. And I was like, I have four scenes. That's four chances to get noticed. And then bang, as soon as Bridesmaids came out, I think I booked six movies or something.

Yes. Oh, similarly, I had been on here for almost 10 years auditioning, getting nothing. I got punked. I did the pilot. I knew it was special.

Did you like doing punked?

No, it's not my style of comedy. But I would have sucked dicks on TV at that point for any amount of money. There was nothing I wouldn't have done on TV.

Because I did a show like that in Australia, called Monster House. So one was called Deja Vu, one of the setups. And we'd lure people into the house and they didn't know that there were cameras in the walls. It looked like a normal house, but it was rigged up like a big brother house. And then we would like a mortgage broker in.

Yeah, they were Deja Vu.

Other scenarios were different, where we'd suddenly say the house has been quarantined for some infectious disease and they'd have to take their clothes off. And like, there were all these things. But I hated doing it because it was lying to real people. It felt mean. Whereas acting is different.

Well, it was lessened for me because everyone I was involved with fooling was very high status compared to me. So I didn't have any of the guilt of your average Joe. I was like, well, I don't feel too bad for Justin Timberlake. I'm at his mansion and he has all these cars I want. So just my own story.

Wow, congratulations.

Oh, thank you. That was the year I did Pitch Perfect. Three, produced and acted in. Isn't It Romantic and The Hustle. That was my biggest.

I'm also glad you put that in your book, because I feel like we're taught, especially women, but everyone, be humble and don't say that and act like you don't have as much as you have or you're not worth what you're worth. And it's awesome to be like, yeah, I did that.

I think also. additionally, it's really important because, and this is a never ending thread of this whole show, is that you hit these markers where you're certain life will be fantastic. And it is important to know that the actual marker was hit. I grew up hearing that Will Ferrell got 20 million a movie and Vince Vaughn got 20.. This is like a very significant thing in our business.

Yeah, because coming from not having that much money, you think, oh God, if I could, I remember Jim Carrey telling a story about. he got some huge paycheck.

He had written himself a check.

Yeah, that story. And then I was like, God, if I had made $10 million. a movie, like that's insane. My life is awesome. And then I got to the end of that year and basically just wanted to collapse and wasn't happy.

And you like your house and you like your car.

Yeah, and I like not having to worry when you go to the grocery store, like what the total is gonna be. Because when I was in Los Feliz, I had a budget of $60 a week for my groceries and I couldn't go over that because then I'd have to leave America if I didn't have enough money. And so comes with some awesome things, but then I start going, oh, well, I've done that. I've been in big movies. My goal when I came to America was just to get in one Hollywood movie, because then I thought people would respect me in Australia.

You could have returned home as succeeding.

Yeah, I could have come home after Bridesmaids.

You keep moving the goalpost, though.

Yeah, and then now, okay, maybe one more.

Anything short of Melissa McCarthy's career, and I'm a failure.

Yeah, I'm like, oh no. And then I started to go, but what about the rest of me? I've been so driven, almost like an Olympic athlete. I do think you have to be that focused to make it in the entertainment business, very, very competitive. And so I've neglected all these other parts of my life.

Well, what you do, and, by the way, I did the exact same thing, which is it becomes the primary and only identity. I gotta be a successful actor. And then, if you're lucky enough, you get to make that your identity, but then you also go, oh, wow, this identity can be taken from me as well. This is a tricky business. And also you can sense there's a whole part of the human experience that you are missing.

Yeah, and so I'd been, objectively speaking, successful in my mission to come to America, come to Hollywood and make it as an actress, but then it doesn't make you feel that great. But all this time I just wanted it, wanted it and worked really hard.

But that is the weird gift of it, in my opinion, the gift of it is to get it. And then you can acknowledge that you would like more on a interpersonal level, on every other level, but if you don't get there, you don't ever come out of the haze of the fantasy. It's a huge gift,

but it's not the gift you think it's gonna be.

You die thinking that would have solved everything.

Yeah, the girl who I roomed with left after a few years and didn't make it and probably thinks, oh.

She would have had a spectacular life.

Yeah, had she made it.

So somehow, in the process of coming to terms with all this and being recognizable and all these things, through the advice of a friend, you're strongly urged to freeze your eggs.

Through one of the Pitch Perfect girls. I think a lot of them have done it now. And I didn't have a boyfriend at the time. And I was like, well, I'm getting close to 40..

Yeah, how old were you?

I was 39.

Really quick, Monica had a whole show called Race to 35, where she's freeze her eggs. She's like, she has been down this whole path with you.

So I wish I'd known about it earlier. And then also medically obese. And so the doctor was like basically writing me off. And then that was a whole catalyst to change my life, to become healthier. Weirdly, I couldn't do it for myself, but I could do it for a potential child.

Yeah, well, you're very goal oriented type. Yeah. It's hard to make yourself a goal.

Maybe it's those motivational tapes from back in the day. So I was like, okay, 2020, I'm gonna get healthy to freeze my eggs. And then maybe also secretly, to look hotter.

Well, this is a very interesting part of it.

I know that's the main part of it.

Well, but I've seen you talk, of course, when you lost weight, that becomes the topic. You even were in an interview on the BBC and you're talking about. really, if you quantified how much press and headlines you had gotten over your weight loss, it would far eclipse any of the press for your film work. And then, in these interviews, I find you regularly having to say, well, it was to get healthy. And I just think that you're in one of the more unique positions of anyone I would ever talk to on this topic, which is, you did become a mascot of body positivity and self love.

Which I love.

Yes. But I was comparing, I was talking to my wife about this today. I was like, you're in a very tricky situation, I acknowledge, which is so many women felt like they had representation because of you. You were very outspoken about loving yourself, very positive. Then those people maybe feel betrayed when you change your body and how you're probably trying to balance these people who you spoke for.

Well, I had made millions and millions of dollars playing the fat, funny girl. And I represented that to so many people because I did love myself. And I do think beauty is at any size and body positive comments. I do really think that. But then also internally, I knew that I was engaging in very unhealthy behaviors.

It's all. throughout your history as a child. You react to sugar in a way. that is how I react to cocaine. Yeah, I had a drug, it was cocaine, yours was sugar.

You use it to regulate.

And literally people say my eyes sparkle when I eat chocolate. You can literally see it. The people that know me well.

I don't want to encourage you to do anything bad, but at the same time, I kind of want to see the sparkle.

We do have Tim Tam right here. Pass me over a Tim Tam.

This whole thing feels orchestrated.

Like that's the way to cheer me up with a chocolate. And so it's a complicated thing, because I often just have more love for bigger people or sympathize with them. And being bigger allowed me this amazing career and I profited on it. But then I knew I had these eating patterns that were bad for me. And that part was bad.

You forget the result of the eating. You recognize the eating in itself is problematic in that you're regulating your emotional state with something external. You could say that for sex. You could say that for drugs and alcohol, anything. This is a very complicated situation.