Synced: It's Rustic

I got them at the outlet mall.

Which one? Palm Springs?

Yes. The Palm Springs Outlet Mall. So I went on an adventure with Callie. She wanted to have one night away from the baby practice. So we went to Palm Springs and had just like a night at a hotel.

I've never been.

Oh my God. It has all these luxury brands. Like there's a Prada, there's a Mueve, Celine, Saint Laurent, Ralph Lauren. There's everything there. And it's exciting.

Yeah. It's a fun journey. And it's like half off or like... Yeah.

It depends. Good discounts. Not always half, but good discounts. Like stuff sometimes from like last season. So it's discounted.

I'm happy you had a good time. So when you go on a trip like that, do you sleep in the same bed?

Yeah, we did. Okay.

You sleep in the same room and it's like a real slumber party. Yes.

It's a real slumber party. It was funny because a couple of things happened with the hotel room.

It's a positive.

Exactly. To me, it's positive. And to her, it's just like interchangeable for fucked up. I kind of like...

It's like a cute way to say if something's fucked up. It's rustic.

Yeah.

I'm going to start using that.

I know. It's so funny because... Okay. Also, there was this crazy loud... She was referring to it as a mechanical pump.

During the night too?

And then, yes, it happened during the night.

Oh, that's annoying.

It was...

That's my worst fear. I have so many sound fears about hotels. I'm crazy. I'll always put a little note. that's like, quiet room, please.

Because of the sound? Yeah.

Because of that kind of thing of like there's a clank or clunk and I don't know where it's coming from and I can't stop it. Or the ventilation. Like, I need some ventilation, like white noise, and if it doesn't work, then we're going to have a problem. And then traffic.

How do you share a bed with anyone?

It's very difficult. We shared a bed, actually. I know. And it worked out, because you're a little burrito. You're a little burrito, princess.

You, just like, tucked me in.

Yeah. Next to you. My little American doll that comes to sleep after she's done playing with her other friends.

Ew, that's so scary, Liz. I hate that. I hate dolls that become people.

You are so cute. That's like one of my core memories of you is just like turning around and seeing you just like, you really were, like a little, like babies in burritos. So cute. So yeah, I could sleep with you, which was a huge deal. And I usually can't.

But what about when you lived with boys?

I eventually get used to it, but there are certain things, like I can't touch, you can't touch me while we're falling asleep, or like there's, it's very hard because I really love to cuddle, but I hate to be touched. And so it's just complex. You can sleep really well with someone you're up.

No, I used to. I used to love a slumber party so much and I had no issues. But the older I've gotten, it is hard. I prefer my own room always.

Same.

But with the boyfriend, I have a friend whose partner wishes and wants to sleep in separate rooms, right? To like cuddle and hang and like be snuggly and then goodnight and go into his room. And she does not want that. It's funny, because I'm like, I get it.

Yeah, I get it.

Because when you're just sleeping, you should just be just sleeping. Yeah.

It's like, get out of here. People are going to just call us like, we're, you know, it's not-.

What are we? What will they say?

You are uncompromising and you want your own space. I know, but I-.

Because we're people on earth. You want your own space too. You just decided.

Or maybe you don't.

Maybe you don't.

Maybe some people love the safety of having somebody next to them. Yes. We're 36 and single. You get used to it and you like it.

You like it. And I will say, though, that the first time that I sleep with someone in the same bed and we have a sleepover, if I do sleep pretty well, it's a huge deal. And if they start snoring, I'm like, this has never, like. based on the sleep, I'll know how the relationship will go. Oh God.

I really am concerned about the poop. Like on an early date for sleepovers.

Sometimes people have invited me like, come to this wedding. Like I'm like, we're not doing that. We're not sleeping in the same bed for the first time in a hotel room. The bathroom's right there. Also, I wish hotels designed things differently.

It's too close.

I do often.

It's too close. The bed.

It's too close. But that's how I feel about my apartment. The bathroom is very close. And one time a friend pooped.

Did you hear it? Smell it? Or did they tell you?

I smelled it. And like, this is really mean. Because I know for a lot of people who come over and poop, like, it's great. You're allowed to come over and poop. You're allowed.

Oh, it hurt you?

I was offended by it.

Why did it offend you?

Honestly, I like, took it as an assault. Because I was like, why did you do that? This person in my life sometimes, I feel, has entitlement stuff. So I took that poop as saying, I don't really give a fuck. I'll take and ban it.

Got it. That the poop becomes a metaphor.

But honestly, it does.

It is a metaphor.

Because there are some people, Dax and I have had this, where I'm like, we are offended if the other person isn't comfortable. So there's like, the poop says so much about a relationship.

The way you poop is the way you do everything, right? The way you poop in a relationship is the way you do everything in a relationship. Okay, I love this topic. I love this topic. Okay, how many dates?

Before?

Before you fart in front of the person?

Never. And that's also a part of the sleeping. Because what if you fart in the night and they hear it? I'm serious. I even thought that with Callie, my best friend of all time.

Oh, that's adorable.

I was also surprised by, and of course for me, I was nervous. Because I was like, oh no. Because my sleep has been all weird. And the sleep thing for me means seizures. If there's weird sleep stuff.

Who knows what I'll say in my sleep? Yeah, that's super scary.

It's scary and revealing.

What if you say someone's name or say something that you haven't told them? Exactly.

What if you talk about your secrets?

What if you tell your secrets in your sleep? Or you tell the person you hate them or something, and then you're in a fight. But no, she was, and I was like, what did I say? And she said, you whispered and it was so clear. So, it was strange.

Oh, wow. I know.

Oh, no.

I know.

It's your little dream, Monica. What was she dealing with?

I wondered when she told me that. I couldn't remember having a bad dream. I guess I did. Or something was happening in the dream.

And you remember your dreams-ish, right? Ish.

I can remember before I opened my eyes. And then, as soon as life starts happening, it starts just fading out.

It fades away. Yeah, that's why it's good to keep a notebook next to you. if you want to remember your dreams and stuff like that. Keep the notebook next to you. Write it down.

But yeah, so I talked in my sleep, which was weird. But I was like, but what if I farted? And also, if I farted with her, it's fine. But even with her, I went, when it was time to poop in the morning, I go to the lobby. I'm a lobby pooper.

Put a bathroom on every floor. Yeah. I'll go down the lobby. It's fine. But then the person knows you've been away for a while.

Same.

But also, this is, now I'm grappling with this because you brought it up. If you fart in your sleep, how would you know?

You don't. That's the problem.

How would you know? You don't.

In the spoon?

In the spoon because, as we've discussed before, I cannot hold them in. I can do it for a certain amount of time, but after a few minutes.

You hit your limit.

I hit a limit. And I am really good at letting them out silently. But when I do it, I've often wondered, can they feel the heat?

Oh, my God.

Can they feel the heat?

Yeah. Can you?

No. I don't think so.

I mean, I think so. No. Well, are you naked?

No, no, no, no, no. That's crazy. I wouldn't do it naked. That's, I mean, that's a lot. If people do it naked, that's fine, but I think that's risky.

No smell whatsoever.

Well, the smell is a collateral. I mean, it's just a risk you take. That's scary, Liz. Yes, it is. That's why you get a pet.

If there's a smell, they definitely know. you just farted on them. And they probably were like, oh yeah, I felt like a little something. And now I smell shit smell. So I think this happens.

Oh, no. I've been doing it for years. You have?

Oh, my God. Yes, I've had to.

This is fascinating. Because what am I going to do?

What am I going to do? I know. Get up and leave? Go to my house and then come back? I can't do that.

Could you go to the other room?

Yeah, but like every time I need to. How often is it happening?

Have you farted in here?

Probably, probably. Wow, I've never. You've never farted?

I don't think I have. But also, I've never known you to have farted. Like, I've never been like, oh, it smells, or I heard something farting.

I don't go out indoors that much.

But in here?

In here. With the mics? With the mics. I feel honored. Same thing as taking a dump in my house.

Oh yeah, you were mad that I didn't want you to see my pee.

You didn't do it. Is that why? Yeah, in here. And then we've never had an opportunity to really pee together. But I feel like, when it happens, I'll play it cool.

Okay, this is so weird. Because for me, peeing in front of a girlfriend isn't like, oh, we're just so close that we pee in front of each other. It's not a level to hit for me. I don't pee. I mean, I would.

Okay, so this actually brings up a topic that's really important. Okay, so, not talked about this with anybody. But in the last three weeks, I've had on two separate occasions, a man pee and not shut the door. Like not pee in front of me, that we're in the same room together and you're just peeing in front of me. Which actually I would welcome, because I do think that's another, that's like a fun, like we're close.

Wait, you had a semi-date in London?

I had a lot of semi-dates in London.

You didn't tell me.

We kind of had a lot to discuss last time. There was a lot on the docket. Shit, okay. Oh God, oh God, shit. So I was at his house.

It's hard to know. I think it could be a mix. I don't think it's a full power move. I think a little bit of it is just laziness and like who cares? Because they're not pulling down their whole pants, which I sort of, I didn't just learn this.

Oh, my God. Yes.

You just see our whole vagina.

Your butt, everything. Yeah, pulling your pants down.

And you have to wipe and stuff. Like they're not doing that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I think for them, because it's so like in and out, it's just like less efficient, maybe. But I would say, if you're on a first date. I know.

I think it's weird. Every time it's happened to me, I feel very weird about it.

It feels a little power, maybe, for you to be at this person's house. Right. It's a first semi date. And they're like doing what they're doing. Let's just close the door.

I would love that for men. Because I always think men don't, like. that's what women would do. The layer of like, what they're going to think and what I'm going to do, and then they're going to think this. Like we go through an entire mathematical equation every time we do anything.

You wish there were more layers. I wish there were more layers.

Because then I'd think, oh my God, that's so cute. Yeah. It's really interesting. It happened to me another time where, like he, could have gone to a different location. But he just did it next to us.

But like kind of. With the door open.

It was outdoors. Oh. And he could have gone in, but he just kind of did it. And I was like, I would never. Imagine you're making out with a guy.

Pee four seconds.

Yeah, four seconds away. And like he hears it and you're like, maybe that wouldn't gross them out. But like a woman would just never do that. But we have like a certain amount of class to uphold. And men, I think, don't.

Yeah, the peeing outside thing is so funny.

They do it.

Oh, everyone I know is doing it. Well, not everyone, but a lot. And I do wonder if it's American.

Well, when I lived in Denmark, what I loved about it is that everyone peed everywhere. Women peed all the time in public. Outside. They would have signs about not peeing in public, where there was a guy standing and then a woman crouching and an axe on it.

You're kidding me.

I swear to God. And that was what I loved about it. Because women, again, nothing's perfect, but it is a more gender, equal society. And one of the things that I loved about it is that men and women can be kind of, yeah.

Women would just crouch?

Yeah, I had friends do it in the street. It's also kind of a drinking culture. I feel like maybe that plays into it. I never saw one of my friends do it in the middle of the day. But when people were out at night, women would just pee anywhere.

No.

I peed in the car in a cup once.

I don't know this story.

I was by myself, thank God. It was so extreme that I had to. Kristen does it. She'll pee in cups. I always think it's so crazy.

There's tools you can get that turn your vagina into a penis. What? Yeah, it's like a plastic mechanism. And it means you can pee anywhere.

Yes. I think during COVID, Molly bought us those. Really? Yes, because we were traveling in a car trip. And it was scary to stop at rest stops.

That's cool.

But I never used it. You didn't.

I think it'd be cool if women had it on their keychain or something.

But I'm also fine with no one doing it. Like, go into a bathroom.

But they're not always available.

They're not always available. I know.

Yeah, and that is a sexist thing in itself. Because again, it's not just hard to bend that way. But it's also, it can be even dangerous to just pull your pants down.

100%. I mean, that's like, you. don't want people on the street seeing you exposed like that.

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Okay, I feel like I should call David and ask him if he's ever peed in the street.

Does he pee standing up? Well, he definitely pees standing up, I think. Actually, I don't know. But I want to know if he, if in New Zealand, men just like pee randomly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Maybe he's asleep. He might be swimming.

Oh.

I'm sorry. Leave him a voicemail.

Oh, I should have.

Or it could be an audio note so he can respond.

Oh, yeah. That's a good idea. Hey, David. I'm with Liz. We're recording Synced and we have a question for you.

Some guys pee sitting down.

I know, I know.

Yeah, because it's cleaner.

Well, Jess does. I don't know if he does it, because it's cleaner.

Okay.

But should I call him and ask? Yeah.

Just call all the boys we know and ask them questions.

Wait, this is so funny because they're recording F1 right now. Should I call? Yes.

Oh, yes. That would be so funny.

Okay, hold on.

That's a good focus group. This is the most, you know how I'm like, this is like a slumber party. I feel like calling boys. we know on the phone while we hang out is, we've reached peak slumber party vibes.

I'll try Charlie after.

Right. One of them will pick up.

They're going to think Kristen died or something. Right?

It's really important.

Damn it, Charlie.

They're on airplane mode. Oh. That's what I do when we record sometimes.

And it rings like that for half a second?

I think, yeah, that's usually airplane.

Okay, I'm going to try, Matt.

I weirdly had a dream about Matt. Well, the other day I dreamt, I didn't tell you because it made no sense. I dreamt that we were drinking wine, but you poured the wine in a measuring cup.

Oh, my God.

They take it so seriously. Boy.

If I had Jethro's number, I would call him too. Right. I'm going to try Dax again one more time.

Good. Yes. Go to the source.

He's texting me. I can try to cut in when Jethro finishes. Okay.

They'll call us. Yeah.

Tell them. it's extremely important.

It's extremely important.

Okay, TBD on all of our friends. Like, what the fuck? They're trying to be so serious.

It's Monday morning. It's Monday morning. Get with the program.

Why are they all working? It's post-sleepover time. Yeah. Okay. Well, until then, what do we leave?

Sleeping in same bedrooms.

Farts. Okay, but how do you feel about sleeping in separate bedrooms as a couple? But cuddling, like having that intimate moment, and then you just go into the other room.

Go into the other room.

I am. This is actually a common question.

I am very, it would be hypocritical for me to be against it, because in most of the relationships I've been in, when there was another bed available, my ex had like an extra bedroom. And so, I would go, not all the time, but there were certain almost like periods where I just wasn't sleeping as well, or there'd be more stressed out or like if we were fighting or like. I would not be able to fall asleep or have trouble sleeping or wake up in the middle of the night and just go to the other room. And so, I've done that and I love it. And so, it would be hypocritical for me to like not.

But when you're fighting, that's one thing. Then it's reasonable to be like, I'm going to the other room now. Right. Like when your dad sleeps on the couch and it's like, oh, they're definitely getting divorced. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Not a good, yes, very core, stressful memory.

Yes, yes. I don't know, because I'm not in love with anyone. But if I was, it might be nice to like look over and see them in the night.

It is nice. Yeah. Like I prefer, my preference is that we sleep in the same bed. Oh. For us to sleep well together and be in the same rhythm.

But has it ever happened where you like sleep? well?

Yes. No. Yes. My long-term relationships, I slept. well.

If you are farting in your sleep, though, like how are you going to stop that?

What is that? can? Can anyone let us know if you fart in your sleep, how did that conversation go with your partner? Because I think that's great. If I heard my partner fart in their sleep, I would just be giggling.

I guess it's like if you're in love with a person, it's all funny. So funny. And great. It's when you're not in love. Oh, they're calling.

Okay, I'm going to video you. Hi, guys.

Good morning. Hi. Good morning. Hello.

I tried calling all of you because we have a- We are recording an episode. I know, I know, but I thought, so are we. So I thought it would be a fun- Yeah, I'm just only thinking why we didn't see your call. Yeah, I know. I had to involve Rob.

Yeah, you did a good job. Good job, Wabi.

Good job, Wabi. We want to do a little crossover, because we have a really important question and there's now four boys together, so we could ask.

Oh, okay. Yeah, so you timed this perfectly.

Why is it? How do we say it without it being rude? Okay, is it-.

Any question. with this much lead up is going to be good.

We're talking about men peeing and why you guys sometimes don't close the door and is.

it a power move or is it- When you're with a woman.

And not someone you know really, really well. Not closing the door or just walking four steps to pee outside in front of the woman instead of going into a bathroom, is it just like pure efficiency or is it a little bit?

of a power move, or is there no thinking behind it?

Or is there no thinking behind it? There's no thinking. It's efficiency. Yeah. We don't have to just roll up and sit down and be in a compromised position to pee.

facing out. But what about outside?

Outside, you guys are exposed.

We can hear your pee.

We don't face you guys. when we pee outside. We face a bush or a tree. Two things. One, it 100% is not a power move at all.

That's what I knew it. I knew it too.

I knew it.

There is a perviness part to it, but not a powerness part to it. Charlie's furrowing his brow. I don't ever pee to entice someone, I don't think.

Well, you don't do it too.

I'm more saying you're there.

Someone's close.

Your dong's out. And you think, well, I'm a guy. If there was boobs out around the corner, I'd be intrigued. You're hopeful at all times. someone might get horny for you.

Because I want to know if this is American.

So, Jethro, I'm going to have to repeat his answer because he's in an earpiece. So is this American, Jethro? I would say it's slightly American. When he first got to the U.S. and went on shoots, he was surprised how close men would choose to pee.

I had to pee nonstop.

Oh, yeah. He said I would open the door and pee right outside the door of the car if we were in a field. He said Brits would generally walk 15 paces for that.

Okay, so still not asking anyone, is there a restroom?

No, we don't need a restroom.

I have a question. So if a woman, if I were to do that, like walk a few feet away from you, crouch down and pee, is there a world where that turns you on? Of course.

Right?

Wait, wait, back up. I missed something. What did Liz say?

She said, if she or a woman was around, a bunch of men and, like, walked 15 paces and then crouched down and peed, is that a turn on? I said, I'm sure.

Big time. Matt says absolutely not. I say a thousand percent. Charlie? Anytime, someone's just… Naked.

But even if they're peeing?

Yeah, it shows you're, like, down to party and you're playful. You're not uptight. I think it's badass that you do that. Okay, we gotta vote for badass. It would be, like, that's a gangster move.

Yeah, but that's, like, for me, that's so, uh, this is a cool girl. Like, that feels so…. I hate you guys.

Oh, wow.

Like, it's like, oh, you're falling for this very, very dumb trap of, like, oh, that's a cool girl, because they'll pee in front of you.

No, no, I said think of dumb. That's like, now you're dealing with a unicorn.

Okay, well, both. I mean, you….

We gotta find out more about this, gal.

Okay. What if she pees at your house and leaves the door open while she pees?

Oh, I love it. Love it.

You love it, Charlie?

Weirdly enough, Matt loves that. Oh. It's not a sexual thing for me. It's not a sexual thing. I'm not gonna be turned on if you pee outside, but I'm gonna be impressed that you just do it.

I know, that's the part that's annoying to me.

Okay, that's fair.

Okay.

Aren't you looking for clues that your potential sexual partner doesn't have a lot of hang-ups and shyness and that it's gonna be a playful, exploratory, boundless experience? Aren't we all looking for those clues?

It's a false clue.

To be fair to her, you have to say that it's not a performance for her. It's who she is. And also, I think it goes in line with someone that would be walking around naked after a shower versus throwing a towel out in a robe and being covered. Like, it's just someone's individual behavior and comfort level. I don't think they're trying to prove a point by peeing, but there's just some people that will leave the door open.

That's true. I guess it depends on the timeline of the relationship. For me, if someone's doing this on date one or not even a date, that's a clue to me that they're, yes, trying to be one of the boys or trying to get, like, they're doing something explicit. But if it's someone you've been dating, that's a different thing. Okay, one last question, then I will let you guys talk about cars.

No, I sit down and pee sometimes.

Oh, wow. Yeah.

Wow.

Because you're tired? Yeah, I want a break. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

I just started to brush my teeth while I sit down and pee, too.

Don't ever call Charlie lazy. I just need a break sometimes.

All right.

Well, I love that this is an option. We should probably always record at the same time.

This is pretty fun. We love you, guys.

Okay.

Love you. Bye.

Wow. That was funny.

Oh, and then also, David has texted. Oh, man.

Everyone's coming in hot. Yep.

All right. Let's see.

Hi.

I can't speak on behalf of all New Zealanders. I'm merely one of five million. But in general, you don't just wee in the bushes. You'd go and use the bathroom.

It's sort of the polite thing to do.

We're not letting rip everywhere. I mean, there is an issue. if you're out, you know, in the town and you've had a few beers or wines. And, you know, often we walk home in New Zealand with big walkers. And sometimes there isn't a bathroom on the way.

So with caution.

But generally, if we're at someone's house, we use the bathroom, the toilet, and not the garden. Not the garden.

The most proper response.

It is. But, okay, I think, between Jethro and David, it's more American. Yes, it is.

Wow.

It's like American masculinity, I think, is fascinating. It is. It's so different. And there's facets of it everywhere. Like it's not like it's this— America, in many sense, is like a parody.

I try to hit. I try to aim it.

Yes. The back of the toilet. Or sometimes I'll put a little Kleenex down there.

Oh, I've heard about that trick.

Doesn't make as much splash. Something to absorb. Something, to absorb the sound, the liquid. So it's so funny to me that they would think that might turn us on. I mean, it might turn someone on, but that is so funny.

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I don't know how we landed there. Every episode is like... The fun little snakes and ladders.

Oh, my God.

One is about pooping, but we did talk about it a lot.

Okay.

Let's do this. This is fun. Handling narcissistic friends. This is from Victoria. Hi, Monica and Liz.

Yay.

Wow. Congratulations. Wow.

Oh, I love this. I hadn't told the group much about my fertility issues since I miscarried the previous year and was very excited to talk about this with my girlfriends. When I did, she took over the conversation to talk about how her and her non-husband started trying last month, and she had a really hard time when she got her period. The rest of the discussion was about her fertility process. I'm finding her narcissism really difficult to navigate as my exciting milestones and struggles always become about her.

Everything you're saying is right. I think. if she truly is, again, we're not in the business of diagnosing anyone, but if there is some narcissism there, it's very difficult. It's not just, oh, this person is self-absorbed. They're not just an asshole.

It's hard to have any sort of interaction, really.

Yes, and it's disorienting. They can also tend to be manipulative or deceptive, or do things, for me, were not even on my radar. All this to say that, and we say this a lot, I think, on the show, of bringing it back to yourself, too, here, which is that, sure, being able to label what's going on is super helpful. Being able to label how you're feeling about it is really helpful, confiding in others, as well, but what can you control in this situation? And one thing that I know that I had to work on, and even this came up in therapy with someone that I was dating, I was like, whenever we were kind of in a group setting, he would just take up all of the oxygen, so to speak.

There's two parts.

They're magnetic. Exactly. They're like magnets. Yeah. Knowing about that dynamic is also, I think, really important for people who find themselves in this, because often, it's not an accident.

I think that's potentially more common for a strong one-on-one relationship.

Sure, than a group.

Which I do think is very helpful, because I think a lot of people listening, perhaps, are in one-on-one relationships with narcissistic people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is all really helpful. But a group setting is a bit different, and also remembering that not everyone in the group has to be the same level of connection. And it's sad.

Yeah, it's really about acceptance. If you can get there, it's like 90% of it.

And it's hard.

And my comment about changing your part, it's not that it's going to change them. It's just that it's going to modify your own experience, but you can't change how they are. And again, particularly with these kinds of characteristics and qualities, they can change. I do think it's possible, but you can't do that for them. Yeah.

Great question. Okay, let's see. What's next? Okay. Looking through your spouse's phone.

Yes, it's huge.

And we could talk about it for 17 hours, I think. I do think a lot of people who you ask this to will have differing opinions on it. So, obviously, we aren't the end-all, be-all, and I have really strong opinions about privacy. No one can look at my phone. Same.

So private.

It's so private. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean people have full, full, full access to every single thing about your life. I'm not interested. Like, no.

I've never wanted to look in someone's phone. Not any person, but people I've been in long-term relationships with. I don't want to see your phone. And even sometimes, when they would, like, show me something, I almost feel uncomfortable when someone shows me something on their phone because I'm like, ooh, this is, your text might come in. Exactly.

Yeah, even when someone the other day was showing me something on their phone, like a picture, and they're like, you can scroll. And I was like, I don't want to scroll.

I would never. My mom always says this. My mom is such a snoop. Like, we literally call her Snoopy. Really?

Scroll down. Oh, my God.

And I obviously confronted her. I was like, Mom, why did she do that? I mean, 17 hours of that could go into. But I think it's fear and wanting to know.

Was she looking for something specific?

She's just always been worried about us. Like, I think she's just, this is a very dysfunctional way of doing that. But it's, like, monitoring and trying to know what's going on. And so now I refuse. Even when we're, like, on a family vacation, or, like, she's like, oh, I want to see the photos.

But this is hard, though, right? Because, like, she's not the one doing it. So we have to help her figure out how to address this with him. And I do understand that that's complicated. Because if you say, hey, I want my phone to be mine.

Yes. That's such a good point. That's part of why people are doing this. They're looking for a reason.

To be upset or to prove something to themselves.

Yes, exactly.

I knew she wasn't trustworthy. Or I knew my instinct was right.

So it's complicated.

Because if you then say, I don't want you to look at it. He'll be like, why? Because I know. Because you're doing something. And that's why I have to look at it.

Yeah, that's such a good point. So this is hard.

Like, I don't actually know. I'm trying to think. What would I do?

I also think the way that someone is about their phone. Maybe the reason why I've never been like, show me your phone. Is that I've not been with people who are like cagey about it. And I think the fact that they were so willing to leave their phone out. And I was too.

Here's the truth. If they're hiding something on their phone. Which means in their life. What happens then? Then I find out and then we break up.

Right. It's like a projection of his. It is. And it's really important for you not to take on that. That's not your task.

And I do feel that if people are. This is complicated. But if you are with someone who you know has cheated before, or with other people or whatever. Like you know, that's in the history. And so you feel not just protective, but you feel entitled to have full access.

Exactly. I think that's great. We got there.

That was hard. That's hard.

It's hard. It's so common. Yeah. My God.