Synced: PJ Buffer
2024-07-10 00:56:57
Hi, I’m Dax Shepard, and I love talking to people. I am endlessly fascinated by the messiness of being human, and I find people who are vulnerable and honest about their struggles and shortcomings to be incredibly sexy. I invite you to join me as I explore other people’s stories. We will celebrate, above all, the challenges and setbacks that ultimately lead to growth and betterment. What qualifies me for such an endeavor? More than a decade of sobriety, a degree in Anthropology and four years of improv training. I will attempt to discover human “truths” without any laboratory work, clinical trials or data collection. I will be, in the great tradition of 16th-century scientists, an Armchair Expert.
It's jelly time.
I'm wearing the advanced version of the old school jelly shoe.
That just brings back the most core, beautiful, nostalgic memories for me. Yeah. When jelly shoes were around, like, what kind of problems did we really have?
It's really true. What color did you have?
I want to say, like, a light, almost like a translucent pink. I mean, very similar to what you have. is my memory, but I might be, I might be wrong. Like, for me, it wasn't even, like, a visual, it was a feeling. You mouthed feeling.
It was a feeling. It wasn't a shoe. It was a state of mind.
Oh, that's beautiful. What color were yours? So I think I'm in the same boat. In my head, they're purple, but I could have totally made that up. Isn't that weird?
how we don't, like, it is such a huge part of our childhood, yet we barely remember?
Right. Maybe that's why we remember it so well, because it's vague.
Maybe. that's why, maybe the jelly shoes, since I purchased the jelly shoes, which I was trying not to do, I think we talked about this. I saw them when they first came out, and I was like, I don't need that. I mean, I want that, but I don't need that. Okay.
That's a trend. I don't need to spend my money there. I'm not doing it. And then I saw a few people with them, and I was like, okay, I really want them, but I'm not getting them. Wow.
Okay. Self-control. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
I had some for a second. Then a few people, I don't want to, like, not take accountability, but a few people sent me the link or sent me pictures of the shoe and said, do you have this? You have these, right?
Oh, that's enabling.
It is enabling. And, I mean, an addict is only as strong as their enablers, that's what they say.
That's a saying.
They say that in the program.
Jellies AA.
And I was like, no, I'm not getting them. I'm not getting them. I was standing really firm. Then, unfortunately, I went into the store, and I still wasn't planning on getting them. I was trying on a sweater in 90 degrees.
I was trying on a sweater.
You love sweaters.
I love sweaters. And the beautiful sales associate was wearing the jelly shoes.
A male?
It was a woman.
Still. Wow.
Yes.
I mean, at that point.
They looked so good. They looked so much better in person than they did even on these pictures. I shrieked. It was audible. And I said, oh, my gosh, I've been trying not to, but I have to.
Do. you have those shoes? And she said, I'm sorry, they're all sold out. And I was like, you're kidding. How will I survive this?
She said, I know, I know. What size are you? There was like a glimmer of hope. And I said, well, I could be anywhere between a 5 and a 10.. Like whatever you have.
I'll take.
I mean, they are jelly. They are like adaptable.
Maybe I could make it work. And they didn't have any. And so she said, but if anything changes, like if anyone returns, we'll let you know. I was like, okay. I didn't hear anything.
Then I was back in the store. And this was maybe two and a half weeks later. And I was with another sales associate who I had now have a rapport with. Shout out, Max. He's wonderful.
And I was trying on probably another sweater. And I said, Max, you know, the jelly shoes are a regret of my life. And he said, what size are you? And I said, well, five, five and a half. And he said, hold on.
And he went, and he came and they had a return.
In your size. By the way, this is the second time I've heard this story and I'm on the edge of my seat. I still think it's like incredible. It's a saga. It's a journey.
It's like, what's his name on the horse? Don Quixote.
Don Quixote. It's an epic tale. And here you are.
I was like the second chance at love.
I'm not saying no twice.
And I bought them. And ever since I have purchased them, I have been in such a summer mood. I think it's the shoes.
It works. I mean, it's like a summer haircut. It's like a, it's just a, you're ushering it in with a memento.
Exactly. A token.
The summer token. Wow.
Okay. Do you have a summer token? Are you feeling summer yet?
I am. It's hot. I'm kind of taking a little bit, my shirt, it's like, just tell me.
Liz is flashing us for the summer.
That's your summer token. Yes, that's my summer token. It's flashing. Rob, did I flash you while you were showing me the mic? No, you did not.
You did not. I like fully at one point looked and I was like, because we were leaning and I'm just wearing a very, anyway. Are you wearing a bra? No, I never wear a bra.
Oh my God, Liz, that shirt is, that's a scandalous shirt with no bra.
But I don't, we've talked about this. There's no need for me. It's like rude to the bra. She should be filling her purpose somewhere else. There's nothing for her to do.
Well, I get what you mean, except that you would probably feel less like you have to pay attention to nipples appearances.
At this point.
Yeah, who cares? Do we?
Because also nipples are, from what I can tell, I mean, you're far more involved in the fashion world. That's your expertise.
Oh, I thought you were going to say in nipples.
Oh, in nipple, obviously in my nipples, because last year, was that a year? Oh, my God, that was-.
I saw your nipples?
No, when you drew my nipples much more correctly than I drew yours. This morning, I was targeted on TikTok with a, what are those called? They cover your boobs.
Like, they're just like petals or jellies.
And I was like, I guess I should buy this because I don't wear bras. And then I was like, but why are we covering our nipples? Is that that bad? Do we have to camouflage, camouflage? And then I just decided not to buy them.
And I feel strong in that decision, but maybe that would be my summer token. Are they fun to wear? They just kind of stick to your boobs?
I wouldn't say they're fun to wear, but they're comfortable to me.
Would you wear an exposed, not exposed nipple, I don't know, what do you call that? What we've been seeing, where you can clearly see people's nipples.
See-through shirts with no bra.
You'd look insane.
I think that's why I can't do it.
Oh my God, you wouldn't be able to go anywhere.
Well, I think if I had smaller boobs, I would definitely feel more likely to do it. I probably would get like a dress. I mean, there's a world in which I would do it, but it would have to be a fancy dress. Like I don't think I could just do it down the street. t-shirt style.
Even when I, like I bought a black see-through-ish t-shirt, I wear it with a bra. Even still, I feel like I'm drawing a lot of attention. So if I was not wearing a bra, I would get killed. Killed? I think.
Like, in a fun way?
I think I'm asking for trouble. Which sounds bad, but I think it's the truth.
Sure. I mean, again, I think women should be able to do whatever. Everyone should be able to do whatever, and you're not asking for anyone to commit crimes on you. But let's take that off the table. Like.
you're not going to get kidnapped because of how great your nipples look. How would you feel about that attention? If it was positive and from like hot guys?
Yeah, it's weird. I struggle with this. In theory, I should love it. And I do, in theory, like it. But I do get very self-conscious when people are looking at me.
Whether it's good or bad, I'm uncomfortable there.
Interesting. Even if you're attracted to them?
I like that. I'm pleased that it's happening, but I get shy. Aww. I'm so shy. But you're also not.
I'm not.
You're not.
I'm not in so many elements of my life. But I am a little bit in that space still.
Let's say, we went to a queer party and it's all lesbian women who you're not, you know, obviously. Attracted to. Or that's not a romantic thing for you. Would you still feel the same?
That's a good question. This is going to sound maybe bad.
Then you have to say it.
That's the rule. I think I would still feel maybe a little uncomfortable, because I know that they're attracted to women. And so if they're attracted to women, they might be attracted to breasts. It's really just, I'd probably be self-conscious around anyone who's attracted to breasts. But if I'm with gay men and straight women, I'd be fine.
Yes. Everyone's fine in that environment. Everyone feels so safe. That's the perfect environment.
Speaking of, oh my God. So I've returned back to the scene of the crime a couple times. Many, many episodes ago, the Sing Squad will maybe remember, we went to a store, me and you, and there was an event where a guy working there you were chatting with and then he was flirting, and then there was also a gay sales associate, and we came to the conclusion that it was strange. We felt so much safer with the gay sales associate and the straight man was wonderful. But it always feels like, well, someone might misunderstand this flirtiness or this niceness as flirtiness.
It's like a whole thing when it's people who might be attracted to one another. And so I've returned to the scene of the crime, that store, a couple times and he's always there. Often both of them are there and I hate it.
I hate it. Do they recognize you? Yeah. Do they remember you?
Well, I don't think they know the show, even though they said they were going to listen.
Yeah. Well, definitely, you know.
Exactly. Oh, my God. I know. Actually, yeah, I don't feel bad anymore.
That's how we should test which one of our friends and we just talk shit about them on the show. And then that's how we'll know. If it never comes up, they're lying. They're not listening.
I know. But yeah, so I've run that risk. It feels odd, because whether they know, I know.
I would let this ruin my life, where I would never go back to that store.
It's too good of a store.
If I have a weird interaction, even like there's this, this is so bad, but there's a coffee shop near us that I like, and I go to this coffee shop a lot because I've been there. The guy who is a barista, we've had conversations and, and it's just, he's never even said-.
Are you wearing that shirt?
The thing is, I have really long hair and that always covers my nipples.
Okay. Except not right now.
Right now, it's not just the nipples that's risking exposure, but long story short, we just have a certain, you know, he'd recognize me and he'll talk to me when I'm there. And now I sort of like, do I really want to go? Just because I know I'm going to have to sort of have this conversation. And that's when I go, like, I am going to hell.
You're not going to hell. Yeah. You just might need to revamp your interactions.
Yes. With men. Like again, I don't really-.
Oh, you don't think it would happen with a woman.
There's just a level, and this has happened to me on a project recently too, where I'm probably extra friendly. sometimes. With a woman, there's never a problem. But if it's with a straight guy, sometimes you can, they misread that and then you just feel stuck.
Has it ever happened with a queer woman?
Yes. Twice. I just lied. I mean, it's just a problem. I feel bad.
We're really chastising gay women and straight men.
And we love you.
We love you guys. And they're not very similar at all.
I think what we mean is like, it's our POV. It's not that there's anything wrong with that demo. It's that that demo can be-.
That demo makes us really uncomfortable.
We really are avoiding those demos at all costs.
Yeah. That's what we're doing this summer.
That's our summer project. Speaking of-.
Yes.
Oh, no. We were supposed to start a meditation journey yesterday.
But we're not that far. It's still possible. I feel like that's in the spirit of meditative philosophies, to forgive ourselves.
Not be so hard on ourselves. Okay, well, we got to start tonight.
Okay, great.
We could do one now, but that'd be boring for the listeners.
Right. It'd be weird. also. Just like, okay, everyone just- Get ready. Yeah.
But if you'd like to join us on our meditation journey, feel free to go easy on yourself, because we already fucked up. But we're going to be meditating for this entire month- We will. Once a day. Probably, Tara Brach.
On Spotify.
Or anywhere you get your podcasts. Yeah. So what else? Do you have any events?
I did.
Is it bad?
It was bad, but it's important.
Those are the best ones.
It's a little political, but it's an issue that I think has become more and more important in my life and that I feel like we're not talking a lot about.
Oh, no. Is this about parades?
The hill, you will die on.
I will die on that. I do think parades would fix a lot of stuff right now, and that is part of my platform.
And I'm willing to throw spaghetti at the wall at this point, so let's maybe just act on some parades.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll try a few out. No, the issue is the issue of female constipation. Oh, no. Yeah.
Okay, go on, because I have thoughts.
So this is my experience so far. Whenever I bring it up to a woman, this is something that is either very much happening in her life, and she's had many constipation events, or she is like, oh, yeah, it happens more. Essentially, from my own personal journey, I had a constipation event basically the morning after the debate, to the point where I thought I was going to pass out from the pain.
Like after egg freezing?
Worse.
Really?
Monica, I was like, take me to the hospital and open my stomach and take it out.
But you knew it was that and not something else going on, like an appendix situation?
Does an appendix feel like you're trying to give birth to a burrito through your butt? Is that what that feels like?
I don't think. Rob is Googling.
Appendicitis, there's multiple symptoms, but I heard once that a symptom is that you can't fart.
What?
Because it's so expanded and there's so much pressure, I guess.
So you're like bloated?
I mean, it hurts really bad, but if I were you in that moment, I would have gone appendix immediately. How'd you know it was constipation?
Because I mean, I was trying to poop, and you couldn't poop. And I was pooping a knife. It was just so painful, and I'm saying it because it's more common with women, and the doctor won't tell me why and how, and it's like one of those things where it's like, well, it just happens to women.
Really? Yes.
And then I was Googling, like, what should I eat? How do I stop this?
Fiber. You need more fiber.
Well, I'm vegetarian. Like, I eat so many vegetables. Everything's plant-based. I have like lentils, and I just force myself to drink so much water. And then I look up the diet.
It's bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast.
Yeah, the Brat Diet. You don't know this?
No. And I was like, Brat Girls Summer, Brat Diet. It's all full circle. And so I'm doing Brat Girls Summer, but like- With on a Brat Diet? I'm on a Brat Diet.
You know about the Brat Diet?
Yeah, it's for when you have a stomach issue. Like, if you have diarrhea, or you're, basically, like, if you're recovering from a, yeah, stomach bug or food poisoning or something, your body can't really digest very much, so those are the foods to stick to. Wow. But so you're just going to go on it. non, but you, okay, so did you poop ever?
So I mean-.
Because the debate was, like, a week ago, I guess, ish?
I mean, this was Friday.
Oh, okay.
Constipation is a symptom of appendicitis.
Appendicitis.
Liz- So they're confused occasionally. Okay.
I'm worried a little bit.
What are the other symptoms?
Well, puking can be one, like nausea.
I thought I was going to puke from the pain, but again, it was just from that pain.
Is there pain apart from when you're-.
No. Okay. I don't, I mean, kind of, belly aches- Upset stomach and vomiting and loss of appetite, fever, chills, loose stool, trouble passing gas, swollen belly.
It's like weird when it's loose stool and constipation. Yes.
Well, IBS. I mean, I have IBS, which again, that-.
Every woman has.
Every woman has. And again, same thing. I was diagnosed with that 16 years ago. He was like, yeah, it just happens to women. We don't know why.
Bye. Yeah. Lower your stress. So anyway, I just thought I would love some answers. I've done some research and other than like, okay, so menstrual constipation is a thing.
I did get my period.
Yeah, me too.
Oh my God. When did you start? Literally Sunday.
I had like a little spotting on Sunday, but I really started today. But that's pretty-.
That's weird. Synced up. Yeah, that's super synced. Wow. So that can happen too because of progesterone, I think, can then slow down the system.
But I just wish we talked about female constipation more. But what are your, you said you had many thoughts.
I do because I think I've been wanting to bring this up on here. I learned recently that younger people are getting colon cancer more and more. And so fiber is my new burrito.
Right.
So I'm trying to get like a lot of fiber. It is hard, though. I re-found raspberries, which have a lot of fiber, and I like them. But then I was like, should I get on Metamucil? Are you on it?
So I was Googling stuff and I was like, this is all old people food.
I know.
This is like- Well, the Brat Diet. The Brat Diet. What's that? cereal? Shredded wheat?
Or muesli.
Are we at- Is that-?
No, we're not. We're not perimenopause. We're not muesli. We're not Brat Diet. Just be on that for like a couple of days.
Also, one last element of this, which I think is karma. Oh, no. It might not be my age. It might just be my constipation karma. When I was little, me and my sister would put on a lot of skits.
And one of our famous skits was Tina's Butt Cream. And Tina's Butt Cream, literally my dad had like shaving cream that he never used. And we made a label called Tina's Butt Cream and like, stuck it on it. And for years, my dad just never took it off and like, it was just Tina's Butt Cream. And in Tina's Butt Cream, the infomercial starts off with me on the toilet.
I'm like eight or something, and I'm like, I'm so constipated. Like we're making fun of constipation. And so I just feel like-.
This does seem like something you earned.
Yes, I deserve it.
Okay, we need to do more PSAs for kids. All these like funny jokes. They're going to come back around.
They will. I do think my mom was like, this is like-.
Deranged.
Yeah, deranged. But parents in the 90s were just not as involved.
They couldn't be bothered by Tina's Butt Cream.
They really couldn't.
Also, they're probably just glad you guys are occupying yourselves and not bothering them.
And now I do like, I'm like, I would buy Tina's Butt Cream if it could help.
Okay, so have you pooped since Friday?
No, I have. I've been-.
On stuff.
I have post-constipation stress where I'm not kidding, when I thought I needed to go to the ER. Like I was like about to text my roommate. Yeah, it was very scary.
Did you take a stool softener?
Yeah.
And it still wasn't working?
It's normal now, which is again, scaring me because I'm like, shouldn't it be-, Stress can also contribute. So I'm trying to be chill.
And period.
I might go see a doctor. And my mom was, like, you should see.
Yeah, if it's consistent, I mean, just keep an eye on it.
I'll keep an eye on it. It doesn't happen to you a lot?
No. It never happens so badly that I can't go at least once a day.
Wow. You go every day.
Yeah. I go every day, often, multiple times a day.
So jealous.
But around my period, my bowels get all messed up. And that's also an indicator of how I know it's coming.
Oh, interesting.
It's like, oh, things are amiss. And often it's like constipation.
This episode is so disgusting. It's so random. I know. I'm sorry, but-.
No, but it's real.
I'm just like, why doesn't anyone talk about this?
Well, especially we need to be talking about it because now colon cancer is becoming more prevalent. So people need to be getting enough fiber, but maybe it's just your period. Pay attention.
Pay attention to your butt.
Support for Syncd comes from Element.
We love it. We love it.
That's it. There's nothing more to say, but we really do. And I was at a pool the other day at a salty friend's house who I had gifted Element to, because that's what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to gift it to a salty friend. I did that.
And it's hot right now in LA and, I think, everywhere. And so we had to take an Element break because we were all sweating our buns off.
I went to a barbecue this weekend and I wanted to bring something non-alcoholic. So I brought a six pack of the Element sparkling in black cherry flavor, and it was such a hit.
Did you win the party?
I won the party. Yeah. I mean, it's just like- It's a great way to win. Everyone's like, what is that? Oh, wow.
And it tastes super good and it's good for you. Yes. And you feel not only like if you don't drink, you feel good the next day, you'll feel better the next day because you drank Element.
Try Element totally risk-free. If you don't like it, we'll refund your order. No questions asked. We have a very low return rate and high reorder rate. Get your free Element sample pack with any purchase at drinklmnt.com slash SYNC.
Also try the new Element sparkling. like Liz, a bold 16 ounce can of sparkling electrolyte water. That is drinklmnt.com slash S-Y-N-C. Support for SYNC comes from Thorne. Thorne supplements have been helping me manage my health this summer.
Because your body changes, I feel like, over these different seasons.
And COVID is back. People are getting pneumonia. I mean, I'm hearing everyone has something. And so I have doubled up my Thorne Zinc supplement. I take it every day and I really notice a difference.
They have a magnesium that I really want to try, because I want to get into magnesium before bed.
Oh, yeah. Magnesium citramate will help you sleep. And then magnesium oxide is good for constipation.
Oh, great. Which you're well versed in right now. But they have a B complex. They have so many. So whatever you are looking to enhance and to sort of replan your system with, Thorne definitely has it.
Feel your best and make the most out of your summer with Thorne. Go to thorne.com slash SYNC and use code SYNC10 for 10% off your first order. That's T-H-O-R-N-E dot F-I-T slash S-Y-N-C-E-D. Code S-Y-N-C-E-D 10 for 10% off your first order. Thorne dot fit slash Zinc code Zinc 10..
These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.
I have many female friends. I have a literal chat called butt stuff, with two of my other really close friends who had rectal prolapse and like had like things happen. And then so one of the things you get is a donut cushion, because a lot of sitting can also be bad. That's what we do all day. And so that chat is full of cool products.
You should have added that when we did our favorite products.
Now this is going to become a much more important issue. It was kind of funny, but now it's feeling real.
It's feeling serious. I always thought they were common for men because men sit on the toilet for so long.
I've never seen my dad drink water.
My dad also does not drink enough water. I mean kettle black, but what? Kettle black. Maybe that's American. It's a saying calling the kettle black.
The kettle. What is it? Oh, no. Pot calling the kettle black because they're both black. It's basically hypocrisy.
It's a way to say hypocrisy. And I was saying, oh yeah, my dad doesn't drink water and I don't drink water. So I shouldn't be saying that.
I understand it now. I thought it was like a reference to tea.
Is it an American saying?
Could be British.
Kettle. Oh yeah. You're right.
Don Quixote. It looks like it dates back to- Sinked.
Are you serious?
Yeah. Oh, my God. What's happening? The phrase is thought to originate from Don Quixote. What?
Wait. Stop. That's crazy. I haven't thought about Don Quixote in like 18 years since high school English class. And today I said it and what?
And also I was just going to let it slide and to go, haha, and not know what you're talking about. Oh my God. But then I was like, no, I don't get it.
You're like, it's important for me to know this.
That's not weird.
That was weird. Wow. Have you had- I think that's the jelly shoes. Power of the jellies.
Yeah. Summer's in. Summer's in. Have you had any events? I've been watching gymnastics and thinking about you.
Okay. Another circle back to one of our previous episodes, the Olympics. Yes. The Olympics was my hill. I was going to die on, but I did not pay any more attention to that.
I let it go. I had more important fish to fry, but I have been seeing more clips, so I'm happy about that. Seems like the Olympics are trying to pull it together and show us clips.
Where are you watching? Are you watching like the trials and stuff?
No. Well, I see everything on TikTok. I don't watch TV.
This is the problem.
Simone Biles' routine was just, I watched it like four times in a row. I was like, oh my God.
It's astonishing. I did look it up, who made the team, and it's shocking what's happened since the Magnificent Seven. The ages of these women have gone up so astronomically in a way that I love. It used to be if you were 21 years old, you were old for a gymnast, an Olympic level gymnast. Obviously, if you're a collegiate gymnast, that's like where your career ends.
Often people would go to the Olympics and then they'd go to college and do gymnastics there, but that's the end, like 22.
. And Simone Biles is 27.. Wow. It's incredible. Also, how?
I know. Jesus.
She's so impressive. It's so cool. But the others are also older. There's one that's 16, but the others are in their 20s. And I'm just proud of us, I guess, as a species.
I'm also so proud of women right now because of what's happening in the pop music scene.
Yes.
Oh my God. Chapel Rhone, Billie, obviously Taylor, Sabrina Carpenter. I mean, these are the only people I'm listening to right now. What are the men doing? Sorry, men, but what are they doing this summer?
They've like taken a break. I don't get it, but I love it.
They're killing it.
Are you listening to anything on repeat?
Chapel Rhone has been on repeat, for me a lot. Camila Cabello's new album, which is so good. You know what men are doing?
What?
They're raw-dogging flights. Have you heard about this?
Yes. What are you talking about?
What do you think it means?
I think it means they're going on flights without their underwear on.
No. Oh, I'm sorry. Or they're having a lot of sex on flights, but without condoms.
That's a good guess, but no. I mean, maybe that's the next phase. It's like Tough Mudder, but for your mind. It's like the new Spartan Race, but for men. That's my analysis of it.
No, I'm giving up.
It's connected to our meditation challenge.
Oh, they're trying to go on flights and just fly?
Yes.
And not go anywhere? No. And then fly back home? No. Oh.
That sounds like a challenge.
They can just fly and go home.
That's an expensive challenge. How much can they endure a flight?
You're getting very close. So, raw-dogging flights means you're sitting down in this flight, you're wearing jeans, you're coming in with a coffee without a lid, you're not drinking water, you're not eating snacks, you're not watching in-flight entertainment, no earphones, no, nothing, no book, no movies.
Okay, you're just sitting there.
The only thing you're allowed to look at is the flight map of the airplane.
What is the point of this? To be present?
It's basically like a mental endurance. Men are posting these photos of them like we're just raw-dogged an international flight. I mean, if you really think about it, it's like an ultimate dopamine detox, but it's like tied to this mental fortitude and men are feeling proud of it.
This is so embarrassing. This is like because men don't have other ways of feeling like good about themselves right now. Am I being too hard on them?
I'm adding my commentary to it. None of them are saying I'm proving that I'm a real man. I interviewed a guy who did it because he posted about it for my subject and he does subway takes. He's a comedian.
Subway takes?
It's like talking to my mom.
What is it?
It's like where he interviews people in the subway with a metro car. It's people who have takes like normalized bidets or unconventional takes. I'm sure you've seen it.
Maybe not.
You're like, absolutely not. Anyway, so he's a comedian and he posted his photo. Again, these men are posting these photos and I was like, can I interview you? So I did. I was like, did you view this as a masculinity challenge?
Is this because going to war is not available?
Yes, that's exactly.
But is that men's fault?
I don't think it is their fault, but I think they could work on trying to minimize the feeling of needing to have power. Power. Period. That's what a lot of this is. It's like aggression, power, domination.
But over nothing. Right? Like. it's not hurting anybody. I kind of love it because it's, again, it's not domination over someone.
I mean, remember the episode, okay, so for raw dogging purists, the origin of raw dogging flights was in a Seinfeld episode where Putty, Elaine's boyfriend, raw dogs a flight and she breaks up with him over it because she's like so annoyed. You would love this scene because I feel like that's how you would react. She's like, you're just going to stare on the flight.
She was next. Oh, absolutely not. Not if I, if I, I don't even like it. Not being there. I find it.
It's fun. Look, people. I agree with you. Who's it hurting? It's fine.
But it is hurting me if they're next to me.
I do know what you mean. Just close your eyes. Yeah. They're not allowed to sleep. There's no napping.
They're literally just staring. Can they talk?
No, probably not. I bet talking, that's like original sin. You're not supposed to enjoy it. I guess that's what I'm pushing back on. I think this is an overall feeling I have, men and women, when you feel like you've succeeded because you've done something not enjoyable, bragging about being miserable.
That's a general thing I find very upsetting.
100%, but that's actually the opposite of what they're doing. I think it's more about discipline than about anything else, and men, being like, I, have so much discipline that I can do this. I think men love being able to sustain discomfort. There's something about being a man that you're not supposed to be comfortable, which, again, I don't agree with on a personal level.
Well, again, I find this to be annoying, because women have to sustain so much discomfort in life all the time, and so to see a man adding discomfort on is annoying.
I think that's a really smart point.
Was that a Subway take?
Oh my God. Wait. You should go on Subway takes and have that take with him. That'd be so funny. But isn't that solidarity?
No.
Because it's like, fuck you, that's not the same. But that's not what they're saying. I know, but that's my whole point. It's like, it's never going to be the same, so just do your best out there. Just do your best.
Stop trying to do all this weird stuff. Just be helpful and normal. That's all I'm asking.
I get that. I do feel that on a deep level.
I'm starting to wonder if anyone—is normal a thing? I kind of think it's not. I'm starting to be very skeptical. Normal is over. Normal ended in the year 2000..
I think the Obama years, normal was something you could expect in your everyday life. I'm not even talking about politics. I'm literally talking outside of it. Things just happened in a way that you were like—or again, if something abnormal happened, everyone agreed it was abnormal, whereas now, I think that's the difference. Yeah.
Everyone's version is different.
Everyone's version. Yeah. Anyway.
Everyone's version could be the name of an improv group or a band, and then it's actually virgin. Everyone's V-I-R-G-I-N. It's a play on words.
Everyone's virgin. Whoa. Your mind works in extraordinary ways. It's great.
Ever since I started playing Connections, I see the world in Connections. It's actually a problem.
I kind of love that, though. No. It makes you smarter. Well, I want to get into it.
Oh, my God, you should get into it. It's so fun.
I'm going to try.
Try today. I haven't done today's yet, but she's been rough the past couple days. I kind of feel like she doesn't like summer, and she's taking it out on us.
Do you consider that work? Like, if you have a day off, are you doing Connections? Oh, yeah.
I get personal joy out of it. Okay. And personal anger. I get it all. It's life.
The most beautiful things in life. do that to you.
Okay. Let's move on. Let's do some questions.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Oh, this is great.
Love.
Okay. Do you wash your face after sex? It's a left curve ball. It's from Anonymous. Ladies.
I was too embarrassed.
Ew. Oh, God. I read later on. Yeah.
Okay. Wow. We're going to do this. Ladies. I was too embarrassed to ask my esthetician, so I'm asking you.
I have a solid, somewhat lengthy skincare routine. I will never skip it. It's definitely a priority for me. I love all my serums and all my steps, but something is throwing me off. Every night, I do my routine, tuck the kids into bed, and then I'm in bed very shortly afterwards.
If my husband and I are going to do anything sexy, it's at this time. My kids are asleep. We're winding down. Then, we often love each other up. Afterwards, I never, and I repeat, never wash my face.
I go right to sleep. In the morning, I have another somewhat lengthy skincare routine that I do upon waking. I have to say, if we're getting sexy at night and my husband goes down on me, I don't want him kissing my face after. Pussy juice isn't one of my skincare steps.
What do you do after you have sex? Do you re-wash, re-tone, re-retinol, re-moisturize? Thank you. See, I've never been in this position because I have never had a long-term relationship where I'm sleeping next to a person every night. I can't answer this, unfortunately, but I would not like it.
How would you work it out for yourself?
I think I would just try to rearrange the schedule and do all the face stuff after, but then sometimes it doesn't. That's hard.
It's so great to go to bed right now. I don't know if you would actually go through with it. Sex? I guess some people might. No, no, no.
It's just a skincare routine. I think it just wouldn't happen.
I know, but what she's going to say to him, don't kiss me? I guess she could.
I know what she's talking about. You sleep with it?
What if it's good for your skin?
We should Google that.
No, don't. Not on the work computer.
Okay, so just on the kiss. after going down on you, I feel like that's a whole—.
That's a whole conversation.
Yeah, that's a whole off-ramp. we could go down.
Let's go down that ramp real quick.
I will do it, but the first three seconds are like, no, and then it's too late, and then, once it's happening, you forget about it, but I don't—.
I don't love it either.
Yeah, I don't love it.
I don't think anyone loves it.
I mean, guys— No, obviously.
Guys love it.
Why don't they like it?
Well, they aren't the ones— Well, they like— Oh, God.
No, but they like the opposite, I think. Oh. After we go down on them, I think that's right. No? I don't know.
We're getting a no. Really? No. You're also like, that was my— Wait, but hold on, hold on.
After— This is so not—. I hope no kids are listening. Yeah, I mean— But not after you've come, but before you've come, you don't like it if she's just—.
I guess, if I have not, then it's fine. Then it's fine. Yeah, then it's fine. I don't think I necessarily like it. Okay.
But I'll tolerate it. Yeah. It's fine.
Do you taste a difference?
No, I don't taste a difference.
So that's the difference.
But I don't, like, after—.
Right. Because then you probably taste a difference.
I don't know that I taste it, but that—the whole idea.
That you're—kind of you're getting it back in your mouth. Yeah. And women don't like it either. And also, women can often taste a difference, and then, yes, it then goes away, but you know immediately.
I think we should institute a polite wipe on your way up. You just wipe— Like a water drink? No, even just a little—just on the blanket, or, like, I just be like—.
But if it's in their mouth, that's fine.
I know, but it's a whole other level if you're feeling the liquid.
Oh.
Yeah, I know. The juice.
I know what you're talking about.
Yeah.
It's different. Okay, can we institute a different thing instead? Which is that, like, maybe other parts of the body, get kissed before they make their way to the mouth. So that by the time they kiss your mouth, it's not in their mouth anymore.
Yeah. I think that's also a really effective way of doing it, because then you're also not getting it on the sheets.
Rob, will you start doing that and be patient? Spread the word.
Zero. Sure.
I am sure, by the way, because everyone has such different likes and dislikes, but I feel most women, I know, would prefer some timing. distance between— Yes.
Procedures buffer. A lot of people might not.
Well, this is why communication—like, we should be able to communicate about this and it not hurt anyone's feelings. Like, she should be able to say, because I already washed my face, I don't want my face touched after I—right?
Everyone should do whatever they want. It could be a mood killer. Yeah.
But what if it's established as just, like, not while—again, I think—.
Because he's like, I put it all over my face, and you can't—I don't know, there's, like, a weird—. I think before is okay, but I could see how that could be a mood.
Yeah. But I think if it's just—let's have a general conversation about what we like and what we don't like. Every sex person we have on says this, that, like, that, is the key to good sex, is communication, not necessarily whilst in the middle. Yeah. Sometimes, I guess.
Being explicit about your preferences. Yeah. But also saying, don't kiss me for the rest of the time we're having sex seems weird.
I think you could say, once I've washed my face, don't make it about, don't kiss me, because obviously that sounds mean. It's just like, after I wash my face, I don't want anything to touch my face. Can that be a conversation? If it can't be a conversation, then she has to wait and then wash her face after, or re-wash, if you're going to feel gross.
Right. I think you have to gauge it. I've had a conversation with Natalie, and we're like, I don't love when she brushes her teeth right before,
because I don't want toothpaste to be associated with—.
In your mouth?
I just don't like that association with intimacy. That's so interesting, Rob.
Specific. I feel like I prefer—.
Well, I don't want a smelly breath, but I also don't want a minty, fresh breath. Because that reminds me of my mom. Oh, God.
Your mom has such fresh breath. Wow. Jealous. Lucky. Wait, would you rather have stinky breath over minty breath?
No. They're both the same side of the spectrum. I'd rather just fully neutral.
Interesting.
We are supported by Our Place. Did you know that most cookware and appliances are made with Forever Chemicals? It's like the bane of my existence.
Just one more thing.
I know. I know. And I love to cook, and I'm always having to look to see what's in the pan and what's in the pot, and almost all of them have Forever Chemicals, and it's such a bummer.
Especially the cute ones.
Exactly.
And that's the worst, but that's why Our Place is our favorite, because not only is it going to add such flair and style to your kitchen, you're going to want to leave the pan out, literally, as decoration, because it's so pretty. It also is not made with any of those bad things, any of those bad chemicals. Their products are made without PFAS and PTFE, Teflon, in comparison of today's nonstick pans. So many of them contain what's known as Forever Chemicals, which are under increasing global scrutiny. I know.
For just the impact that they have on our bodies. You don't want that in your. ... You're putting that in your body every day. You don't want that.
Go to fromourplace.
com and enter our code SYNC at checkout to receive 10% off site-wide. That's fromourplace, F-R-O-M-O-U-R-P-L-A-C-E.com, code SYNC, S-Y-N-C. Our Place offers a 100-day trial with free shipping and returns. Support for Syncd comes from Rocket Money. This just happened to me.
I bought a subscription. This happens so much, where it's like three months free, and then you obviously forget, and they're sort of banking on that. And then, sure enough, you get charged. You're a year in, and you're totally charged.
And you don't know how to un-charge. Exactly. You don't even know where. They make it so hard, and it's kind of on purpose. And it happened to me, too, because there's so much happening in the news.
I'm like, okay, I got to get a subscription to news services. And I didn't realize that I already had one that I had been paying for, and I didn't even realize I was until I noticed on Rocket Money. Because on Rocket Money, you'll see basically all your subscriptions in one place. So you can literally spot something that you don't even know that you're paying for or double for.
Right, exactly. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so that you can grow your savings.
Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash s-y-n-c. That's rocketmoney.com slash sync. rocketmoney.com slash sync.
Okay, now how do you feel if a guy's gone down on you and then they go wash their face? How would you feel?
I wouldn't feel great. I think...
Sex is so hard. There's so much ego.
So vulnerable. Look, I really think it depends on the person. Again, I'm trying to think of in one of my long-term relationships. And maybe they did, and I didn't even notice. I think, if you're sleeping with them for the first time and you're still figuring out what it is, and that happens, maybe I could easily read into it.
But if I'm feeling secure with them, then I wouldn't. And I'd be like, oh, you're cleaning your face for me. We interpret everything based on our own perception, always. And we forget that that's what we're doing. And so we think it's just the truth.
But yeah, I think it would depend on my relationship with the person. Would you?
I'm with you. It would depend. So have you ever had to re-wash your face when you were living with a person? Or you didn't think much about it?
Yeah, I'm not like.
You're not also that addicted to your skincare routine.
It is important to me, but intimacy maybe would supersede. Being intimate can make you late or make you change things from the order that you planned. And I think that's kind of part of it for me. But also, this skincare might be much more meaningful. And so I think it's worth talking about.
In a way, that's, again, this is not about you. And again, you've said this a few times. Just being like, this is such a weird thing that I have to do. You own it and you just say like...
Like I'm weird.
Yeah, I'm weird. And even, like Rob said, could be hard to receive. Like, I don't want us to kiss.
Yeah, I wouldn't say those words. Right.
I would just say, like, what could we do? Or like, do you have any ideas? I want to have sex with you and I love when we love each other up. But how do we do it where? I don't, you know?
Just keep a wet wipe next to the bed. He can clean his face real quick. Yeah, maybe this is a logistical fix.
Right. They should just talk about it. Or, if you don't want to, you have to wash your face twice. But these skincare routines are intense. And they're long.
And you have to let things sit. And it's a whole thing. I wonder if she's noticing that her skin is being affected by it. Because if it's not, maybe you could join us on our meditation journey and let it go. Let it go.
Yeah, I mean, that's what I'm tempted to say. Even though I don't want to invalidate anything she's saying. I just know that, especially for women, I feel like I could have had such better sex in the past if I'd been able to let go more. Just in general. Of so many things.
Of the way that I thought we were supposed to be connecting. Or the way I thought my body was supposed to look. Or, again, it's sort of a stereotype. But that during sex, men are literally, there's nothing going on in their head except that. And for women...
So much thought. Yeah, so much.
And I feel like that's been such a loss for me, you know? In terms of my own pleasure. And it's not really about him. It's about you, too, being able to fully be present during this moment of connection that you say you want with your husband. And so maybe it is more about, like, okay, maybe I need to do a little bit of letting go around whatever this...
I mean, it's giving you a sense of control so that you're able to just indulge when you want.
That was a juicy one.
Juicy.
I love these questions. There's so many of them that, like, yeah, things I think about, but I don't, never got to talk about.
Okay. This is from George. Manscaping. Shaved, trimmed, or all natural? Hi, Monica and Liz.
I've been a huge fan of SYNC since the beginning. I like hearing your perspectives, mostly because you both have different ideals in each other and you both listen and discuss everything with an open mind. It's so refreshing. I'm a moderately attractive, confident man, 38, but have been genuinely hairy my whole life. I've plucked my eyebrows since I was 14, had to shave my face every day since I was 16, and have had a full chest of hair since college.
I've mostly accepted my werewolf fate and have only been jokingly self-conscious about my permanent sweater. Having said that, as I age, I've noticed new hair in places that are objectively unattractive, shoulders, back, butt, etc. My question is, how much effort should I put into controlling it and where? Should I shave it all off? Constantly fighting the never-ending battle.
Note, it's hard as fuck to shave, trim your own back. Should I trim it occasionally, or should I accept who I am and just own it, knowing that I might be seen as unattractive, but freeing myself of the constant care? Your answers may differ based on where the hair is growing, and I appreciate all your thoughtful responses. Aww. This is cute.
We love that, George. I want you to do what is best for you. This would be my answer for women and men. If you're walking around feeling self-conscious, I would do something about that, even though it's annoying to give in to that and it might feel vain or silly. But if it's taking energy from you and brain utiles, take care of it.
And I would say, honestly, if there's an area like your back, if you're like, well, fuck, this is so hard to do and I definitely don't like it, get it lasered.
Yeah, I was going to say.
I've had laser on parts of my face that are not conventional because, looking in the mirror, I just hated it. I've had my sideburns lasered. I had so much hair in front of my ear. I hated it so much and I felt so self-conscious about it. So I had that lasered and I had the back of my hairline lasered because it was also like every time I had it up in a ponytail, it didn't look clean.
I didn't like it. I didn't feel attractive. And as much as I told myself, like, it's fine. It's just me. It's just me.
Honestly, just getting rid of it, it's not that I look in the mirror and I'm like, I look so much better and I love how this looks now. But it's just something I'm not thinking about anymore. And it's worth it.
And they have machines now because it can be expensive. But, like, there's alternatives to doing it, too, that are not very expensive. And I feel the same way where it's like. and I think doing parts makes so much sense. And I've been with guys who shave the whole thing.
I've been with guys who are super hairy, guys who probably do a mix of in between. Like, you, just love the person. I've never been like, I'm not attracted to this person because of one of my first boyfriends, like, shaved everything. My last long-term relationship, he was, like, extremely hairy and he would, like, make jokes about it. And at first I was like, oh, am I going to be like, is it because it's so different?
And I never even thought about it. Yeah, I just left his body and him. And so I think whoever you're going to be with, it's not, you know, but do what feels—.
It's for you.
It is for you. It's like anything. It'll just change your, not self-esteem, but, like, how you feel about yourself, how you feel about yourself in, you know, intimate settings. Like, why not do it?
So, if you had to pick parts, what would you pick for him?
Butt and shoulders.
Butt, shoulders, back.
Yeah.
I mean, back, only because that's hard. The way you described it, objectively unattractive, which, by the way, I don't think there's such a thing. There's nothing that's objectively attractive or unattractive. But for you, you put in parentheses, shoulders, back, butt. So that means to you there's just, like, no question, other than that's unattractive.
So I think those are the things to address.
And you could just try it and see how you feel, too, even before doing laser, like—.
Yeah, or, like, go whack. That would hurt.
I mean, they do it.
Yeah. Honestly, I don't think shaving is the best course, especially those areas. First, it seems impossible. Second, it just grows back so quickly, and then you have to really maintain it, and that's a whole thing. So I kind of think it's like a waxing or lasering situation.
Try it. Give it a try, George. Thanks for writing it. Yeah. And thanks for listening.
So nice. I think we have time for one more quickie. Can you help me? love bowling? This is from Rose.
Hi, Monica, Liz, and the Sync Squad. My husband and I could use your input on an unsettled topic. For years, he has formed his best friendships in recreational sports, hobby leagues, bowling, kickball, etc. I, on the other hand, have zero interest in participating, but love that. it makes him happy.
I have a fulfilling job, best friends through work, and as a teacher, I don't have the energy to commit to and pay for weekly recurring activity. My sweet husband wants me to join a team with him. more than anything in the world. I got the bowling balls and the shoes and have met some great people. The problem is, I really don't like it.
Should I do it just to bring him joy? Am I missing something here with the joys of rec league? Do you have a suggestion of another way for us to have adult friendships that I could get into? I love my husband more than anything, and this social engagement clearly means a lot to him for me to love too. Can you help me love bowling?
This is a good one.
Really good.
No. If you don't like it, you don't like it. You've tried. It's not that you're just in your head like, oh, I don't like that. You really put in the effort, and you tried, and you don't like it.
That's okay. Now, here's the thing. Do you not like bowling itself? Because if you don't, you could still go for the social element, but then, I guess, if he wants a partner, then it's time to talk, thrumbles.
Or just isn't it good to have your own activities anyways for him to have his thing?
v1.0.0.260408-1-a910ba6_os