Emily Ratajkowski (FBF)

Hello, hello, hello. We're back at it again, Daddy Gang. It is another episode of Call Her Daddy. And today, we got a big one. We've got Emily Ratajkowski.

A lot of you probably think about Emily Ratajkowski, and you're like, wow, she's just really hot. Thought ends there. She's really fucking hot. And she is. And I will be honest, no negative feelings towards Emily at all.

I just didn't have much of an opinion. I was like, she's beautiful. I wish I looked like her, and that's that. But I had the privilege of meeting her, and sitting down with her, and reading her book early. From the time that Emily was a little girl, how she looked mattered.

And that didn't just come from the outside world. It was generated inside her own home. Her mom, who was also beautiful, and her mom's experience as a beautiful woman directly affected how she raised Emily. In the Ratajkowski household, looks were everything. So then Emily starts modeling in high school, and is actually using her looks to make money off of her body.

And that complicated things even more. So now, instead of just her mom, and her dad, and random people in the supermarket commenting on her beauty, now it's a creep with a binder filled with her photos commenting on underage Emily's fuckability.

And trigger warning, in this episode we are discussing sexual assault.

Two chapters in, three, four chapters into her book, every single chapter is unveiling a new story of her experiencing sexual assault, trauma, rape. I had no fucking idea about any of this. And what's pretty frightening and shocking is that people may not even care.

I was staying at the Greenwich Hotel in New York City, and I had Emily there, like right after I landed. And she walked in, and her and her publicist, I had asked them, because the news had just broken. Robin Thicke, assaulting Emily Ratajkowski, had just hit the internet. And I had read the book at that point. So I knew the behind the scenes, and the story, and what this man had done, and how he was abusing his power, and what was going on in Emily's head when all that happened.

And then also just the backstory of her having been assaulted numerous other times in her life. This was not just a one-off. This woman has been taken advantage of, and sexually abused since she was a very young girl. And so she walks in, and her publicist was like, yeah, it's really, it's really shocking to see some of the comments on Twitter. People are like, oh, woe is you, Emily.

Okay, you were fucking dancing around naked on the blurred line set, like boo-hoo, no fucking shit, someone's going to grab your tits, you're naked.

What? You were doing your job. And so, for anyone to be like, Emily, you were naked on the set of blurred lines. Yeah, and so were multiple other women, and that was their job. That's what they were getting paid to do.

I don't care if she's naked, or she's wearing a turtleneck, that doesn't give you the right to fucking, go up and sexually assault someone. Having good looks absolutely gives you a certain privilege that others don't have, that's a fact. But just because you're hot, doesn't mean that we can then deem your sexual assault experiences as void, because you're just fucking hot, shut up and go, model, no.

Just because you're hot, doesn't mean you aren't a feminist. Merriam-Webster definition of feminism. Feminism is the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities. Unless you post bikini photos. No, it doesn't fucking say that.

People that are going to look and be like, no, because Emily is objectifying herself. She's posting these slutty bikini photos and she's the one that's making herself an object. No. So maybe you're the type of feminist that likes to wear turtlenecks. Amazing.

You're doing great, sweetie. Or there's Emily who likes to post bikini photos to make money. Again, you're doing great, sweetie. There is no right or wrong brand of feminism. If you believe in the advocacy of women's rights on the basis of equality of the fucking sexes, then you are a feminist.

Emily's book is a discourse on how being treated like an object affects a person. You can be privileged, but that doesn't exempt you from feeling bad, feeling pain. And the result of.

lifelong objectification is dissociation. For example, Emily writes in her book that she dissociates so much from her body that when she's having sex with her own husband, she has to fuck in front of a mirror. So she can watch herself and visually attempt to reconnect with her body. And in her mind says to herself, I'm having sex. My body is having sex.

Now, to everyone that hasn't read the book or everyone that just likes to skim through Twitter and not actually read, Emily in this book is just shedding light on her journey and her experience and isn't asking for anything. And she also isn't taking any like huge controversial stance. She's just talking about her experience. Emily and I, we only had an hour together and I was really impressed. There's a lot in this interview that she sheds even more light on in the book.

And it's.

pretty remarkable. Daddy gang, let's just get into it. Here is Emily Ratajkowski.

Emily Ratajkowski, welcome to Call Her Daddy. Thank you so much. I'm so happy to be here.

I'm sure. But like how cool. You definitely won. Pretty cool. Also.

Yes. I have two babies. What is the best thing about being a mother, and what is the hardest?

everyone says that. I truly don't have words. I've tried. It doesn't work. They are just this like chunk that you made in your body.

Like it's insane. And he has personality now. Like he really like respond, like all that stuff, and it's just getting better and better. The worst thing, I mean, I just, nobody told me that they feed every two to three hours when they come home from the hospital. Really like two every hour and a half.

And if you're breastfeeding, that means you're in demand and you don't know how much they're getting. And they're like, you know, it's like a creature when it comes to, I mean, he was really cute when he was born, but still, you know, and you're trying to keep them alive with your boobs and you're not getting no none of sleep. So it's hard to picture it, though, until you do it. Honestly, I had so many friends who talked to me about it and I still didn't get it. So now I say the two to three hours thing.

So does my husband will be like every two to three hours. they feed, like you're going to come home, and that's through the night and that's for months. Like just get ready, you know, because like somehow it didn't get through to us. So that's your life. Yeah, it is.

But it's also like you're on cloud nine and hopefully you're not trying to write a book or something like, cause. that would be so crazy to do that. at the same time. How long did it take you to write the book? I've been working on it for three and a half year, three and a half years.

I sold it around this time last year and it was already like 50,000 words. So it was really more the editing and stuff I was doing post baby and the last essay I wrote after and.

Yes. Okay. And only child. Yes. My mom is an only child, but I always will hear her be like, you know, I basically had to become an adult quickly, because you're just surrounded by adults all the time.

Yeah. What was your experience being raised as an only child? Definitely. That is true. It's interesting.

My.

I remember like having a lot of imaginary, you know, friends, but also just being like sitting at the dinner table and trying to have fun with adults and like make sure that they like me. So you just kind of get this, I don't know. Yeah. You grow up quicker and I also remember like I really, like. I definitely had a lot of friends growing up and stuff, but I remember coming into middle school and it felt like I was a little bit behind everyone else.

Like I, I just think that I had spent so much time with my parents that it wasn't like, I didn't have the same sort of like cool around people. my age. Got it. But I feel like it ended up being a good thing in the long run, but it definitely at points I felt like awkward. I was like, I feel more comfortable talking to adults than I do my peers.

You know? Do you think that you are going to have one? No, I don't think so. I definitely want more than one for that reason.

Also, when you get older and you're, you have to start taking care of your parents, it's so nice to have somebody else to lean on. And like, that's another reason,

So you get it. And it's like, I felt so awful for her watching her. I'm like, because with my siblings, I'd be like, my brother take her, my sister take her at times. How big is your family? I have two older.

But I feel.

Can't even imagine. I know. What was that like?

Like everyone listened to, like David Bowie and like Biggie, and like smoked pot instead of like drink handles. I mean, everything was happening, but you know what I mean? It was just a little bit more like indie. Yeah. And I was terrified.

And my dad had taught there for so long. So he had like this big reputation. Everybody called him Radda, which is how I got the nickname and Radda. And yeah, I was so scared, but he was pretty cool about giving me some space. It was actually the other teachers who were terrible.

They'd see my lunch and be like, Emily was 15 minutes late to class today. And you know, then he would be like, should I say something to her? Should I, whatever.

I was really interested in like the lessons that our moms teach us as women about the way we look. So my mom grew up in a family that was very like, you should never say thank you when you're told that you're beautiful. You didn't do anything to deserve it. There was like kind of a shame around being attractive. And the whole thing was like, you need to work extra hard to kind of like.

prove yourself. I had puberty, pretty young, and got boobs. Like before. I even knew what sex was, I had boobs and basically looked like a woman, but was totally not. And of course, I'm sure you had the same experience where you're going to middle school and, you know, middle school teachers are snapping your bra strap and just being, you know, dress code.

Like, I'd have to put on the, because like an inch of my midriff was showing and she was very anti, that. She was like, fuck. those people. Like you should never feel ashamed. But in some ways also, I think she felt like beauty was a way for me to be powerful, because I think she had experienced so much shaming.

It felt like a way for her to, to make me feel special and to protect me. I had an ex-boyfriend and his mom said to me one time, like very casually, she only had her son. And she was like, yeah, if I had had a girl, I would have talked to her about weight. And like, I would have made sure she stayed thin. And I was like, outrage.

You know, my instant feeling was like, first of all, your son's, not even in that good of shape, like screw, you, you know? And then I started thinking about it and I was like, oh, that's because she thinks that's like loving her daughter, because she knows that if her daughter is considered attractive in the world, she might have a better life. So I think there was a little bit of that. I think that's really interesting.

Like, there was a weird part of me that pushed back, but also had this like sense of pride about it. I guess the best way to describe it is that, especially being an only child, it really made me feel special and it made me feel very loved to be like, you know, in a public high school and be modeling and people be like, oh, did you see Amrata's? whatever? And I'd be like, I'm cool, you know? And then also like in high school, this sort of, at the same time, it wasn't just about how my parents, sort of, you know, were like hyped that I was getting into this world.

that was sort of glamorous. It was also that I had money in a way that, like none of my friends did. Everybody was like working at sandwich shops or like American apparel, making minimum wage. And I'd go to LA and shoot like a look book once a month and get what they were making in a month. And it was amazing, you know?

So I started to really love that too. When was the first time that you became aware?

That memory, I was probably in sixth grade. And that feels like really, like it happened yesterday, it gives me, I feel stressed, even thinking about it right now.

And like you made more friends, like girls were nicer to you, or maybe meaner too, but like it just gave you a certain kind of status. And then, in other ways, it was deeply shameful and embarrassing and straight up scary, you know? So yeah.

I was like, oh wow. Like they're pointing out a picture, because I guess like it's a good thing. And like, I can be sexy, but then also felt like I'm so called out and humiliated and embarrassed. Dude, 16?? Yeah.

Someone's saying that to you. Yeah, of course. Now, no, listen, now in retrospect, but at the time I was like, like, are we, is this cool? Like, is this, you know, I just didn't know what to make of it.

Or is this so wildly inappropriate? So wildly inappropriate. And I'm here to do a job.

. Yeah. And I was, I was with one of my girlfriends too, who was also modeling. So it felt like this really weird, like moment of like, oh, like, is she better than me? Like, they didn't say that about her.

Is she better than me? Or am I better than her because I have this fuckable look? Right. I mean, it was weird. I didn't even like think about that experience.

A lot of the things in the book were not things that I like talked about until I was writing. And I was like, oh yeah, I remember that happening. You know, it's strange. That's what I was going to ask you.

Yeah. Like I.

Perfect Instagram. Perfect body. And with this book, I truly believe you're blowing that shit up. Good. You are.

It's an amazing book. Thank you. I couldn't put it down. I finished it in two days. Oh my God.

Thank you. It's really,

Yes, I did. Oh, my God. Yeah. Wait, can you tell me why you decided to do that? Well, because Blurred Lines, what we're about to talk about, is like something that I didn't want to write about at all.

I feel like I've spent my entire career trying not to be the girl from that video. So to just open up that can of worms and be like, let's talk about it, went against like every instinct that I had. I'm still going against every, like I even talking about it right now. I'm like, okay, yeah, no, I'm glad we're bringing it up. You know what I mean?

Like, because the truth is, the reason that I wrote about it is because it was something that I had just completely put into a certain category in box and thought about and talked about in one way and didn't even like fully remember the experience, because I just was like, no, no, no, it's this, it's that, it's whatever. And once I started to kind of be like, wait, maybe things have been actually a little more complicated than I've always wanted to believe they were. That's when I remembered this situation and experience and then was like, wow, that was why I initially had it first in the book. And then, like final last minute, like we're talking day, it was supposed to go to the printers. I just had this thought of, like somebody walking into a bookstore and seeing my name and being like, okay, my body, all right, this girl, I know who she is.

And then they opened the first chapter and they see blurred lines. They're just going to be like, of course. Okay. And it's the book. Isn't that?

it's not a celebrity memoir. It's a bunch of essays about a lot of different ideas. And I just wanted to give myself that shot with that person. So it's so powerful that you wrote about it. Well, hopefully people will still like it, even though it's second in the book now, but.

Chapter two is titled blurred lines. You reveal that Robin Thicke assaulted you on the set of that music video. Take me through that day. So, I mean, I think that,

And like, I don't even know who Robin Thicke is. And you know what I mean? I didn't know who he was. I thought Pharrell obsessed with Pharrell when I was in middle school. I thought he was like a God.

But you know, it was like, I don't know who this is. I don't know where it's going to go, whatever. Anyway, they came up on the money a little bit and this director was really cool. She's still somebody that I know. And like, I think she's awesome.

She said to me like, it's going to be all these women. So I got to set and it had this really different vibe than a lot of the jobs I was doing at that time. Usually, people kind of just were like, sit over there, kind of shut up, put on what we say, like, don't like complain about the hair and makeup. Like everything is just like, you're a mannequin, which is what I write in the book. Truly just being used as a face.

And it wasn't like that. There were like girls who were a little bit older than me, being like, Oh, my God, like you look so cute. Like, do you like your outfit? And you know what I mean? That's why I think I like dance, so funny and stuff, when you're like relaxed with your girlfriends and you're dancing around and you just feel completely comfortable.

So that was the majority of the shoot. And that's why, when a lot of people would say to me like, Oh, this video is misogynistic. Why did you decide to do it? Aren't you kind of embarrassed? Basically, I was like, get off my back, fuck off.

Like it was my choice. And I did feel powerful in that moment. And like, guess what? Now I'm famous. So, and like making more money than I definitely did then.

So how can you say that I'm not empowered? Quote, unquote. You know what I mean? During the day, kind of later in the afternoon, the part that I kind of, I guess, I don't want to say I forgot. I would say that I just completely put it out of my mind, because that also makes it sound like it was like a choice.

Like I didn't, it wasn't a choice. I wasn't like, you're just not going to remember that part. You know what I mean?

News and I was blocked. And I was like, why am I blocked? And sat there for a second and was like, did I say something like in the press? And then I was like, oh, and I remembered this moment when he was kind of drunk and he was in a little bit of a not great mood and we were shooting by ourselves and he put his hands on my breasts really quickly. And then, I think I just like, moved away and Diane stopped the music and there was this sort of weird moment and then we kept shooting.

The news actually leaked this weekend and it wasn't my choice, which was annoying for me, because the whole reason I wrote this book was to tell my story and be in control of the narrative. But I'm also like, that's okay. And hopefully people will read the essay and get a sense of actually what I'm trying to say about it. Because the fact that I didn't remember that and didn't let myself think about that, and was almost like defiant, like it, was literally like, fuck you, I am a feminist and I'm naked and whatever. And yeah, I couldn't have complained in that moment.

I was 21.

. I was like an actual nobody, like a person on a wall in a modeling agency that you could pick, like this girl who's maybe a little bit taller, this girl who has like prettier eyes. or you know what I mean? Like. it's a true, true meat market industry, you know?

Yeah. So I didn't complain and I just went home and I like never told anyone about it really, except I do remember. I told the director like, oh, he blocked me. And she was like, why would he do that? And I did say like, well, I remember what happened on set.

That was like a few years later. And did she like be like, yeah, I know. I think she didn't respond, but she did. when this leaked, she like talked about it and had a memory. and yeah.

Have you.

I think that, like our world needs to understand that, like we live in a culture that allows for men to feel like they can behave a certain way. It doesn't mean that like just because this person did this one thing or didn't do that one thing, they're good or bad. It's been frustrating, but I'm also like it's okay, because the book will be out there very soon.

Absolutely not. And I honestly don't think,

Like. I know people, I knew that people were going to be like, she was naked, like in a music video. Why she waited so long to do all the same things. Actually, I had a male journalist be like, so, like this is going to come out. And what do you think the consequences will be?

And I was like, for me or for him? And he was like, for him. And I was like, okay, definitely there's consequences for me. Like people think that have all kinds of assumptions about me, because this news is out. I also had somebody be like last night, be like, you are so brave.

Thank you for coming forward. And I was like, that's not. also not it. Like. that's not it.

I'm just telling my fucking story.

And I was very like, man, I just showed up for work one day, and now I'm defending lyrics that I didn't even pay attention to. I was 21 and you know, whatever. So yeah, that was my relationship with it. It kind of evolved into that. Now I don't, I mean, like, you know what?

It's catchy. Like, good. Like, everybody, enjoy it. Like, I don't know what to say. You know what I mean?

. To me, that feels like a thousand years ago. So yeah.

Like, I am not saying to any young girl, don't capitalize, or like work. it, like commodify your image, commodify your body. It's definitely one way to succeed in a certain way in this world. It also means all these other things that I'm writing about. Like, that's the truth.

It's complicated.

girls now, who are like a little bit younger than me, are just very open about that. That was not true for when I was like on, you know, trying to build a career, people would be like, don't post that on Instagram. And I was like, yeah, but like, this is how I'm like now, making money and people are kind of like rolling their eyes and also judging me for it. And I feel like that's changed a little bit, which is really great. So I'm just like, okay, let's be clear.

Like, that's just, that's facts, you know? Facts. Yeah.

I use it in the book, but also I can talk about, like what I know. feminism isn't like, which is like, I mean, the power dynamics that exist in our culture and our world are often unspoken, but they're evident in very big and small ways. Like it's evident in the, you know, you can go on a drink for a drink with a guy and it shows up in little ways and like, maybe you can't put your figure on it, but like, there's something about their attitude and like how little they have at stake that, like, you know what that is. Do you know what I mean? They have a little bit more power.

They don't, they could take or leave this interaction in a different way. My career was based off being attractive to men, which, you know, I've done pretty good. You know what I mean? Like. it's, it's not bad, but that also, I think, like points to some power structures that are in place.

Did you watch White Lotus?

that's a little bit of a creep, but like also, could, you know, he has a director friend who could, you know, this was most of my twenties was like hoping that someone was going to like, like me. enough to tell their friends that I'm great. And then I'll get this part in this movie and blah, blah, blah. And not just great, but like flirty and like cool and smart, but like not too smart that she would like come after you. or, you know what I mean?

I, yeah, I used to do that a lot and it just made me feel really bad in the long run. And I'm 30 and I just feel like that is left been left behind in my twenties. What do you say to people, I guess, who don't?

I feel that way all the time. I'm like, I want people to take me seriously as like a writer and a thinker. And there's just some people who are just never going to do that. And I've kind of, I guess, accepted that, but also totally not because I wrote this damn book and published it. And like, listen, the reason I did that was because I have something to prove.

I want people.

Yeah. Now, at times, looking back, like there was a lot of feminist roots within Call Her Daddy at the beginning, because it was like, I know how to get a guy. Like. if you want the answer, I'll literally give it to you. And it may not be coming off like, but I'm playing the game because I'm recognizing the world that we live in.

Yeah. And I, and some may say like, well, then, you're like appealing to the male gaze, but it's.

I have friends who, like, you know, wear like men's clothes and are like super, like boyish, and only hang out with dudes and like, are kind of like, you know, that's their thing. They're also playing the game. They're just taking it a different angle.

Yes. Yes. And like, I guess, pick me, girls. I'm.

Yes. But I'm also like by women pointing out women and they're labeling them as pick me girls. Now we're just pitting women against women again. Okay. So I.

And you're like, okay, well, cool. Like fun, hanging out. You know what I mean? So, okay. I get why the instinct is to be like, that's what this is.

I even remember the first one I saw, I was like, damn, so real. Like I know that girl for sure. That being said, like, of course, girls do that. They want the dude, they want to feel special. Like it's, we all kind of do some kind of version of that, whether or not it's that obvious or if it's the complete opposite of that, which, like, I don't give a fuck, whatever.

Right. So why are we always asking women to adjust instead of like saying, okay, this is the system we work in. This is the framework that we're in. I mean, my relationship to other women is so complicated. I catch myself all the time, like comparing myself, and it's whack.

But like, that's what we've been trained to do instead of being like, okay, what, what's going on here? Like, why, why are we being this way? You know? I feel a sense.

I did an episode two weeks ago where I admitted to getting caught photoshopping a picture on my Instagram. I saw, that was brave. Have you ever photoshopped a photo of your, on your Instagram? I definitely.

Like my leg looks big and someone was like, oh, let me show you, like this will change your life. Whatever. I have stopped doing it, though. Oh good. Yeah.

I mean, listen, I, it's hard because it's like. also, people get plastic surgery. Like I'm a little bit- Right. I don't know if I blame people for photoshopping, like. also because it's the same reason that you get like, okay, you can get a boob job, which is real in real life.

Or you just make your boobs bigger on Instagram, like on Facetune or.

Yeah. So it's like, what's the difference between using the dog fucking filter with the ears or like- I mean, also like magazines?

It feels like a lie and I'm just like, I don't want to lie. It's also exhausting. You know? Yes. It's so exhausting.

But also, I make sure to find good light when I take a selfie. Do you know what I mean? So, is that a lie? You know what? It's just a slippery slope.

We all need to take a lesson from you of how the.

I recently turned off my likes and my comments. Is that something you would ever do with your career? Like, can you even do that?

Yeah. So I think it's like a case to case situation, but does it feel better to have them off? I feel liberated. I literally.

I can't tell you how powerful it's felt, being like, damn, no one can comment on this photo. I go and like it once. I post it. Cause why wouldn't you like your own photo? And then I'm done.

Yeah. And it's like, I don't, I don't know. I think there's just a lot of negativity and I love all the hype at times, but there is something to be said about like, don't allow your self worth to literally be predicated on the amount of comments and likes you.

Yeah, I know. But I mean,

I just couldn't stop thinking about this experience. It was one of the most shameful things I had in my life. Like I felt so responsible for how things had gone down and how the public had viewed it and how underprotected I had played, been myself and like, how much I had played into things and whatever. And then I wrote that piece and like was like, okay, well, that's never seen the light of the day. Like I felt like I sounded so young in it and I was, I thought the writing was bad, whatever.

And then, when I was thinking about all these ideas around ownership and image, which, like included, I've been sued by the paparazzi for posting a picture of me holding like flowers in front of my face, like outside of my apartment. Yeah. And I've had like artists make artworks of me that I've then like, bought back myself. And then my ex-boyfriend tried to like, kind of get it back and whatever. And then I realized like, wow, this is totally what happened with this photo book.

When I was, I guess I got, I was maybe 19 or 20.

. I was in New York and I had just kind of come into New York. I had, I write in the book, like I'd actually just lost some weight from a flu. And my agency was like, actually like, maybe you could work in New York, which is so fucked up, but whatever. Really?

Oh, my God. And like figured out like, okay, it's definitely because I'm skinnier. So I'm going to try to make that a priority. now. You do a lot of things called test shoots, which are basically just like important or good photographers, build your book, whatever.

So this photographer was someone who, it was for like a magazine, and they were like, take a bus out to Catskills, which again, now I would like, if I had a daughter, I'd be like, you're not taking a bus anywhere to like a strange brands home. But at that time, I think models are taught, and I think all women are taught this on some level. Like it's impolite to say no, like, you know, you, the whole thing with modeling is that you trust your agent, they're in charge of your career and that they are sort of the guiding force. And if you push back, they're like, you don't know anything about this. And like, why are you being difficult?

There's a million girls who wouldn't be difficult. So I was very blindly following what my agency recommended, because I was like, this is me giving it, I dropped out of college and I was like, this is me giving my best shot to this career. And yeah, I basically got up there and his vibe was very, I don't know. Sketchy? Yeah.

I would say like unimpressed by me, which made me really.

Anyway, he ended up serving me a lot of alcohol to make a long story short. And the pictures were super, super sexy, like naked, whatever, just like, very kind of like their porraids and their very old erotic images. They feel like from like a dirty man's closet in like 1963.. For lack of a better description, I was so drunk that I barely remember some parts of the experience was very spotty. And, you know, for me, getting drunk and losing control like that, that is, I think, the thing that I had the most shame around and also wanting to be like cool and be like, oh, well, I know about, like photography and whatever.

Anyway, there was a weird physical thing that happened in the night. Long story short, I kind of put that behind me. The magazine came out with like nine images or something like that from the shoot. And then a couple of years later, after the Blurred Lines video, and after, I think Gone Girl, like I had done a movie and stuff, people reached out to me and they were like, oh, like you have a book coming out, Emily Ratajkowski, porraids or whatever. And I was like, what?

And I realized that this photographer had put together every image it seemed like from the shoot into a book and was selling it in a publishing company that he had set up, like makeshift publishing company. And I freaked out at that point. Look, I had another type of voice saying to me, like, you do not do sexy stuff anymore. Like, do not do that. Like, your career as an actress won't happen.

if you like, continue to represent yourself that way. Which again, like I think, has changed. Like the Euphoria, girls can like post bikini pics, and no one's like, you're a bad actress, you know? But at the time it felt like it was death. So I was so freaked out about it.

And basically, the long and the short of it, which is in the book, is that I couldn't do anything about it. There was nothing to be done legally. And so I decided to go on Twitter and be like, this book was put out. against my wish. I got a very similar response to what you probably saw this weekend about the Blurred Lines video, which was just like, she's just asking for attention.

Like you shouldn't have taken these pictures if you didn't want like them to be out in the world. Basically just everything terrible you can imagine about slut shaming essentially. And yeah, I really, I lost, I was really unwell.

And like, I'm trying to change. And I remember feeling like realizing in that moment, because I wasn't a model. I wasn't doing this often that I was like, wait, why am I alone in this man's apartment? And I'm in his bathroom that doesn't lock and I'm naked and I'm getting changed. Thank God, nothing fucking happened.

But, like when I'm reading your book, the whole experience I felt for you of like, why was he first like lubing you up with wine? And then it's like, you keep drinking. And so I felt the terror for you of like, wait, something feels off, but I.

And I'm, you know, like the uncomfortable comments.

Like now, by the way, like I'm so crazy about that stuff. Partly because I had terrible experiences where I was like, I got screwed. I mean, I annoy people sometimes because I'm like, wait, is there a line about this potential catastrophic situation? Because I just know, you know, I've been burned. Yeah.

Well,

I can't remember right now. It actually brought him more press, me talking about it on Twitter, but it actually brought more attention to the book, which was one of the most painful things. And I think he was like making a ton of money off of it. I don't know how much, but I think a good amount. And I was entitled to none of it.

And I had no right to shut it down. And I guess, you know, my agent at the time basically said that like, maybe he had forged a signature. He provided something in the New York Times that he had like forged a signature that she claimed she didn't sign. But it's also one of those things where, like, I don't know, did she just not remember signing it? Because I'm sure at that point she was just signing stuff all the time.

So yeah. It's awful. Awful. Now with the world, I feel like you don't have to be a model to be worried about this stuff. Like Revenge Point, we grow up, now, everybody's growing up in the age of the internet.

I was part of the iCloud hacking, but that's something that can happen to anyone at any point. And I mean, you see, like AOC, they found like some, like sort of sexy picture of her or just anyone. And it feels like this weird, like scary thing that could happen at any point. And I really like, have enjoyed seeing, you know, obviously the OnlyFans stuff is really complicated, but the part of it that I think is interesting is the way that women are like, no, no, you can't take this from us. Like we own it.

We are in charge. We're the ones who are going to make money off of it. This isn't going to be some dirty little secret that we're.

Like, I didn't even know what I was signing. Her story is like so horrible. Right? So it's like, I just urge anyone, like before you sign a contract, like if you can find anyone, if you don't have the means, like try to find someone that has any type of legal friend that can help you out, because it's like, it's not fucking worth it. I'm thinking about my younger.

Like. that is the truth. That is the truth. Like, I don't care who you are. That's the truth.

So, yeah, I know that there's people who listen to this. I'm sure will. And I, at least as a younger person, I would have, and I would have been like, for sure, I guess, but like, they don't know me, they don't know my situation, but like every situation, it's just true. It's true. Yeah.

Coming into motherhood.

The way you described giving birth and your relationship to your body. Has it at all changed since giving birth, my body or my relationship to my body?

When you're pregnant, you have zero control. You just wake up every day and there's a new thing happening and you're just like watching it. kind of. That I was a little bit worried about. for me.

I learned to be humbled and amazed by what my body was doing, because it is so crazy. That and just understood like, this is some ancient mechanics, like that's straight up what's going on and it's bigger than me. That just brought so much, I guess it was respect. Yeah.

Yeah. Do you feel like your relationship has shifted or do you still feel?

This was also hard, though, partly because I was just like, I'm not writing this book to be like, and this is what I've learned and I've come out the other side and everything's great. That's just not the reality of my experience. I wanted to give people glimpses of moments where I do feel good, but that's not the total experience. It's still a struggle. Yeah.

For me, for a long time, I thought confidence was what I was experiencing, when I was actually basically disassociating. Interesting. Which is really weird, because I was like, see, I'm so not scared and whatever, but yeah. I don't know. I feel like, actually, a lot of women can have that.

sometimes in experiences with men, or when you're wearing something that makes you feel a certain way and you're like, no, I'm confident. I'm chill, and then you are totally not okay and you're in a manic state or whatever. Absolutely. Yeah. What is your hope for this book?

I've thought about this. Give it to me. Basically, what I realized is a lot of the stuff in the book were things that I only talked about with my very close female friends. that just felt too complicated, too specific, maybe, I don't know, not almost taboo or something to talk about. in a larger way.

There are, again, the power dynamics that I'm writing about and these experiences, they're so real and they're just our experiences. I don't know. I don't care what you do for a living, what age you are. If you're a woman, you've experienced it. So I guess my hope overall, have better relationships with women throughout our culture.

Amen. Emily Ratajkowski, thank you for coming on. Call Her Daddy. Thank you so much for having me. Yay.

Oh, my God. That was great. Thank you very much. Anytime you want me to come on.