Lil Dicky: Learning to Love My Dick [VIDEO]

What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, we call her daddy.

Uh, um, you know, probably Dave Byrd.

Really.

Yeah.

Because I had in my mind Lil Dicky, but I get it because your name is Dave Byrd.

I'm a man right here in front of you, named Dave Byrd.

Right, like, you're not your name's not lil Dicky. No, that's your rap name.

Of course, okay, I should save all this for the thing, right? Oh, we're talking.

I mean, I guess we're, yeah, we're already recording, we're in okay, so Dave Byrd, yeah.

Thanks for having me.

Also known as Lil Dicky. Yeah, how are you feeling today?

Great, I love the colors.

It's our new studio, we're still trying to figure it out, I would say.

I love it.

I'm having a panic attack because I'm like a little OCD, so like, I know everything that's wrong with this studio. I was actually just having a meltdown before you came here.

What's wrong with it right now?

So I am really frustrated with the closeup shots because the-.

Is that the closeup?

Is this mm-hmm? You can see the closeup shot. What I'm not loving right now is the wide shot is phenomenal. You get to see the different textures and the colors, but the closeup shot of you and I. We're not there yet.

I think my closeup is better than yours. Mm-hmm. Did you agree?

I think it's because you've got the nice hair.

What's this? Is that a pink book? It's great.

We're going to replace that pink book, though, with a pink Call her Daddy book. But we put it in there because I wanted to find something that I want to look basically exactly like that, but just say, call her daddy.

Placeholder

Placeholder Yeah, we're still trying to figure out. I would say the lighting's still off the call. Her daddy sign isn't lit.

I'm honored to be a part of the figuring it out stage of this.

But you from just a complete outsider coming in, you were like, This is good, yes. Does it make you want to spill your life secrets?

Not inherently, but it's just like, if I had to repaint my kitchen, I would repaint it like this, Mauve, would you say this is Mauve?

Yeah, it's a very, very neutrally pinkish, beige-ish.

I don't fuck that, that's one of my favorite colors, really. Yeah, I love this.

I can give you the color from my designer, Okay, great. It took me a long time because actually, this studio is the exact color of my closet. And I wanted to feel like we were kind of in my house while not being in my house.

Yeah.

Okay, so how did you pick your outfit today?

Oh, very little thought went into it, thanks.

I agree.

I like your outfit a lot too.

Thank you, I can give you my merch.

Oh, is that merch?

It's my merch. Yeah, unwell university, that's not an actual college, got it? It should be, though.

Yeah, I didn't even read the words, but it's really well designed.

You just like the look. Yeah, you didn't even like hone in on-.

I just like the green, I like that we're both independently, wearing solid, I kind of agree, suits of comfort.

So I kind of want you to give like a little intro bio to yourself for the listeners at home, the viewers at home that are like Dave.

Who is this guy?

Who is this guy? Like, give us a little elevator pitch.

Yeah, I was born in a town called Cheltenham, Pennsylvania. It's like a suburb outside of Philadelphia. Yeah, like a nice man.

That was perfect. Yeah, okay, because we're going to get into it. But I wanted you to be able to kind of like, tell me first, so I have an interest in, like, where you went with it.

Yeah.

You are a comedian, yeah, you have a show called Dave Dave, which is out now.

Yeah, third season, yeah, yes, the best season.

You know, guys, let's give us a little behind the scenes. We're recording this a little before it comes out, but right now we're like, it is out.

Go watch season three. Yeah, it's out, it's the best season yet.

So the show is loosely based off of your life.

That's right.

How do you describe the show to people that haven't watched it?

Like I said, I've always been like a comedian at heart, so like my whole life, I've been the guy. That's like trying to make all their friends laugh. And just like I feel like conversationally, being funny is where I thrive more than like the way, like Will Ferrell can do all these like really dynamic personas, like, I'm kind of trying to be funny in the moment. And I feel as though my show like, tries to capture that realism of like, a coming of age guy and his group of friends as they're trying to achieve their dreams in life, mine, which in the show and reality is being a professional rapper, I've lived this life.

It's kind of interesting to hear you say that, too, because I feel like a rapper. Most rappers are not also comedians.

Right, yeah, it's cool that I do both, I think that's cool of me.

Which one do you like more?

I love them both evenly, truly. Like, even as a rapper, I inject my comedy, and even in my comedy, I inject my rap. So it's like they kind of go hand in hand. That being said, rap is certainly like a young man's game.

Oh, so, you've got like longevity.

I don't want to rule out rapping when I'm 60.

You could be bringing it in your 60s.

You know, you could be figuring it out.

So your name is Dave?

That's right.

And we're talking about your show. Dave, Yeah, but now let's talk about you, Dave. OK, You grew up in Pennsylvania. Tell me about your childhood.

Amazing, incredible. I had the best parents. I still have the best parents. I felt so unconditionally loved, had the best group of friends.

Let's talk about that.

Yeah.

Your rap name, Lil Dicky, stems from the fact that you had a medical issue.

Yeah, well, exactly, Lil Dicky. When I think of it as a rap name, I think of like, Small penis, which really isn't, but it's like, I think the spirit of the rap name was based off of the bleak truth of growing up and immediately having to get, like, operated on on my dick.

Why did you have to get operated on?

It's called hypospadias, which is first off. There were several operations and I don't even know all the facts at hand because I wasn't, I was so young.

Like, how young?

I've just reached, I just told my assistant. I said, hey, like, can we look into my medical records from like, the birth and like all that? Because I just like even my parents, like they can only like, they're like, Oh yeah, I think it was that. And then I'm just trying to get like, the actual true facts. How young newborn?

Oh my, that's so interesting.

So I couldn't piss, right? I mean, they're projecting, I wouldn't be able to cum, right? They're projecting that for me.

And so you'd know it's like, Oh, Jesus Christ, that is like, so you went? Basically because normal like little boys are like, it may be, I guess. In the United States, you're getting circumcised, you had to get multiple surgeries.

I was like, overly circumcised? I was like, you know, I did get circumcised too, so like, Yes, I. They had to fix the tangled urethra. On top of that, there was like this condition called hypospadias, that, like, isn't necessarily it's really a mislocated pee hole.

Oh, interesting, is it actually not at the tip? Like, is your pee hole like on the side of your penis? do you want to give it?

Okay.

Let's just keep it real.

So this is a boner.

Yep, that is a boner.

Or any dick? This looks like a boner.

Celsius is like, Thanks.

Right here in the middle is where most guys pee holes are, mine is there.

So like, if a girl is giving you head or a guy is giving you head. Sometimes there's like a little swirly thing you can do with your tongue to kind of like, go in the pee hole.

Okay.

Um, so they would have to go down and.

Whatever swirly thing you would do to the underside of the head would be where my pee hole is.

Got it?

I do, I mean, I've never had another. Do you want to give it yeah here?

The whole rest of the interview, you're just like holding the shaft.

I've never had another dick, so I don't know what, like, getting head's supposed to feel like. I do think that I have less sensitivity in my dick because of the surgeries that I've had.

So you don't like blowjobs?

I like blowjobs, but it's not. I'm not like, like, honestly, I prefer a lubed handjob to a blowjob.

The tight grip gets you going more than the sloppy toppy delight situation. Would you like both?

Uh.

A little handy and a blowy.

Maybe sure, okay. All I can tell you is I have a surprising affinity for the lubed handjob. I love it.

I think sometimes at least, I feel like as women, we get nervous to do the handjob because it's like, how am I going to do that? Better than you can do it yourself?

It's a third party, it's like nothing, you know what I mean? It's just like any third party. Touching a human feels like, if I scratch my own head, that's not going to feel better than even my hairdresser scratching my head. Because you know what's coming.

Yeah, like, when you're doing it yourself, you're like, I know where I'm going to go now with my fingers.

It was great.

Tell me about your parents.

They're great, they're Jewish parents, that my mom is a therapist.

Same, I mean.

Really same.

I think we have a lot of similarities in terms of, like, growing up in Pennsylvania. My parents are still so in love. I was like, Well, you guys fucked me up because I'm never going to find someone as good as dad.

Right?

And it's just like I had a pretty normal childhood for then, I think, relatively where we are now. Yeah, but the Jewish, I'm dating a Jewish guy.

Good for you.

How's that going? It's as if I wish my mother would have sat me down at a young age and said, Listen to me, date a Jewish man and only date a Jewish man. I don't know how I didn't have this energy in my life prior, it's just so much better.

Oh yeah, tell us about it. I mean, I thought of them as like, kind of strict, but I never like when I. But when I look back at the facts at hand, like, I mean, I never drank or smoked at all in high school.

Okay.

In part because of the rules and regulations that were applied to the household. First off, I had the earliest curfew of all my friends. Every time. By default, it's just like, is what it is? But even independent of that. I had to come home, like when I was junior senior in high school, I had to wake my parents up, blow in their nose.

Wait, what did they think was happening with mint or gum?

They thought I was drinking and then trying to cover it up with the mint or gum, yup.

Yup, yup, yup.

So I never even drank, but I also, I think deep down was relieved by these rules because I wasn't even socially ready, I was fearful of drinking.

Why do you think that was?

I don't know, I honestly think, I don't know. I think truly. The reason I bring up my dick is because it created this layer of insecurity that was ever present socially. Especially once people started dating and hooking up. And now they're playing spin the bottle and it's so stressful. And like, I just like, associated, like, I think, drinking with, like romance and and romance with, like, Oh my god, but does my dick even function? Interesting?

Okay, there's so many things to unpack here. Hold on, yeah, rewind.

I have one older brother.

Interesting.

But I carry myself like an only child, don't I?

You do it almost feels like you just like popped out of the ground and like, you're here. I get, though, the concept of like, I had that a little bit also, just cause I was a very competitive athlete of. Like, drinking when you're at that age is kind of scary because all of your inhibitions go away and you're completely out of control of yourself. And at that point you have, like, no fucking tolerance. So you're like, one beer in and you're like, let's do some crazy shit.

I can't remember a time where I wasn't like, I like, it's like the earliest core thought, Yeah, yeah, um, oh. But I can tell you when I felt unembarrassed for the first time, which is like, I start my whole series of my show. Like at the urologist office, like revealing all this information. It was just like a true cathartic moment for me to like, cause I don't know.

I totally get what you're saying of. Sometimes the best way to deal with insecurity is to just go at it, face first, address it, acknowledge it, be the first one in the room to laugh at yourself. Yeah, I had like, really, really bad acne in high school and in middle school, but high school got so bad.

Accutane Oh, four rounds, I was on it last year that recently I just got off.

You look great. Was your acne on your face?

Body, body, insane body. My back looked like Vietnam.

Let's talk about that Vietnam situation. Because I had it on my face, you had it on your back. I'm sure people listening are like, thank God, normalize it, because it's so fucking awful. Yeah, you hate it.

Well, with the body acne like, literally like a first off. When I'm alone, I sleep shirtless. But like anytime I was with a girl, I would wear a t-shirt and I'd be like, Oh, yeah, I always sleep with a t-shirt. And then, like, if it was after we had sex, I don't have sex in a t-shirt. But like, I remember, like, like, walking to the. It was really my back, not my front. And I would be like, like, I would like walk out of the room backwards and be like, I'll see you, like, in a minute.

I appreciate you sharing that with me. Because what I don't think is fair is for the fact that I had the ability to, like, put makeup on. And then socially, it's like, you're wearing fucking makeup, Dave. But it's like, Yeah, I have a breakout and it's like, how red it gets, and it's it's fucking awful. So I appreciate you sharing that because I've ever since I've just been like, opened up about it. I hate using that word like, opened up about the struggles, but it's true. Cause like when you're in those dynamics, you are so self-conscious.

The old drink trick, yeah.

And it's like, it's not a great way to live, so I appreciate you sharing that back to you. Didn't drink?

College Where'd you go? University of Richmond?

Oh, that's a fun school, right?

Yeah, so all of a sudden thrust into the world of like, full on binge drinking, you know what I mean, like having never even gotten buzzed and really stressful, like, totally in over my head. The thing that saved me was I had, you know how, like, some shot glasses are like, taller, so I had this tall, thin shot glass that I was told or was under the assumption that it was a double shot.

And you're like, Guys, I'm fine, I've got the double.

Like, I don't need another one.

I'm over here having doubles.

But man, like, you know, at Richmond, it's so fraternity and sorority based. And I'm like, not that guy. I'm like, not a like. I felt. And so like, I was like, you know, one of my roommates was like, pledging a frat. And I'm seeing this guy get woken up at like 2 a.m with no like planning or any idea to, like, get blacked out drunk. They're not like, I have no clue what this guy's schedule is the next day.

So you were very socially popular, you said in high school, but you're not drinking. Did you play sports?

I played tennis, I was a tennis team captain, one of the most successful tennis team in the history of our high school. But like that didn't really give us any social cachet, no one cared about that.

I was going to say, I don't think I would have given a fuck.

I was just funny, I was just, I was just funny. So like, I was like, I'm class clown. And like, you know, I was friends with all the popular kids or whatever, but like, I was never the guy that was like the girls wanted.

Got it okay? So tell me, when did you lose your virginity?

19.

Okay, bring us there. Where were you? Who was this person?

I don't, I don't like the name, I'm not going to give the names, I'm not going to. But all I can tell you is I just remember, like, my main thought being like, Oh my God, it, it functions, my dick functions, and like. It was such a relief in that sense. Like I was, like, so nervous that it wouldn't. Like, be big enough, or like, be the right angle when, like, a girl comes on top, or like, you know what I mean?

Had you never jerked off?

Oh my god, no one jerked off more, no one. I was setting like land speed records for masturbation in like the tri-state area. I jerked off so much.

So for your whole middle school, high school experience, do you remember the first time you jerked off?

Yeah.

Tell me.

Britney Spears The music video Where she's, it's, it's like she's in the red suit, like on Like Mars.

Lucky.

I don't think it's lucky. I think it's like, Oops, I did it again, it did. What's the not the school, not the school girl one? what was that one called?

I know what you're talking about, she's in the red fucking latex.

She's not even a piece of skin showing, you know what? I mean? It's like a bizarre choice, like it's just she's never been more covered. But yeah, it was Britney Spears.

You like, edged yourself for six fucking months, you're like.

And then, man, like, was deep in it.

A new man was born.

Every day, at least once, I was, yeah, I mean, the the women were blossoming, and I was like, just like, you know, the music videos that were out. TRL, are you kidding? how are you going to watch TRL without jerking off at least one time?

You know, thank you for sharing that. Because I thought you were going to say you splewed to Britney Spears. But to know you started. And you were just too afraid because of your dick or because of, like, shame or whatever.

I don't think it was dick or shame, it was just an overwhelming feeling. I was like, whoa, like, new feeling in life, like I'm kind of, like risk averse, like not like. You know how people like to be out of their comfort zone, don't like that at all.

Not ready?

Yeah.

When was the first time like a woman touched you sexually? Was it the first time you lost your virginity?

No.

Okay, well, tell us that.

I said I wasn't like the guy that got girls, but I was certainly best friends with every, all of them. And so I was like, hanging out with all the hot, cool girls in my school. And then one day, like, first off, let me tell the story of my first kiss. Just so you're, like, aware of, like, the climate bring us through the timeline.

You're so fucking prude. Yeah, yeah.

Like, oh so, everyone in my entire circle had kissed someone except me. I was the last one. And like, I'm sitting in, like my friend's basement, and like, they're like, they're like, please, someone's got to just kiss him. And I'm just sitting there. And then, like, one of the girls is like, just do it.

Did you feel in that moment embarrassed, so that everyone was like, just fucking do it?

For him, I was so like, yes, but it was so like my default state of like how I was socially and how that it didn't feel new. It felt like I was. This was just like the state of life, it felt unremarkable.

That is, yeah.

But I was relieved to, like now, I would like to like, have like. That was more of a relief, I think, than losing my virginity, although that was a big relief as well. I was in college.

Well, we're going to go through all the relief today.

So then I had this opportunity. One time where, like, I was hanging out with two girls and they were just like, Do you want to feel our boobs at the first? But this was before I even kissed a girl, so actually, this is before that, okay, Dave, and so I actually felt breasts before ever kissing a girl.

Did you have any technique when you actually did it, or were you really like?

No, just instinctive touch, just like I think I think I have a good touch, like I have a good delicate touch. Like me. As a lover is not like an aggressor, I'm like, really gentle and sweet and delicate.

And what did your parents say?

They were so sweet and they were, and they were, like, very empathetic. They didn't realize it was still bothering me. And but very awkward conversations to be having, like, wanted no part of that.

Totally I love how your mom is like. This crowd is moving too fast. You're like, I've been the last to get kicked. I don't drink.

I couldn't be moving slower.

Literally would you have conversations with girls that you started? It can't. It's okay, you're like a contortionist. It's going to get better.

Ergonomically sound set up.

What's the youngest you got a girlfriend?

Senior year of high school.

Okay, so when you had your girlfriend senior year of high school, are you telling girls No, no?

Oh my god, no.

So you're the perfect, you're really good at avoiding.

Yeah.

And coming up with like, can't right now, cause I gotta my mom's over there, like, how would you avoid it?

I mean, I would control the lighting whenever like, for years, like, really like up until like, maybe 2018, like, really like, can't. Or daytime. We this is, we don't do this stuff in the daylight, you know? And just I have like, a funny like that. I can like, disarm with comedy, I guess right, but yeah, no, I was very avoidant.

Okay, what's crazy about it?

I don't know when they appear, but I had these little black dots on my dick.

Okay, like a freckle.

Bigger, I'd say, like a poppy seed.

A poppy seed?

Like, three dimensional, cute. And I was like, Mom, I gotta have these black dots removed from my dick, okay, so I got them removed.

I was going to say, you could sit down.

I sit down every time I pee, but in a public setting, I mean, the men's room in the stall is like the most atrocious place on earth.

I get it okay. First of all, I just want to say I do, cause I know there's a lot of joking that goes around this. I actually really do appreciate you being so open about it, cause one I know we said, like, deal with your insecurities head on.

I really think I don't think anything has informed, like the DNA of my personality more than like. I'm not like bringing it up because I think it's like, this is so funny, it's like it's not like a lowbrow thing. I actually think it's like, interesting that how this is totally like shaped my personality.

I think anytime you have an insecurity, and like we talked about, like you avoid, you, like deflect, like you become so good at avoiding. Just like accepting yourself, which is really what it is. Yeah, now that you've been so open about it in your career, has it alleviated? In terms of when you meet, like, do you have a girlfriend right now? Yes, okay.

Yeah, pretty much, I would say. I also was like, man, am I just like putting such a bullseye on? Like, pay attention to this, like, you know, if you weren't paying attention before now, like, maybe I'll really. Luckily, I met my girlfriend like right when the show came out, so I was even like, I. Even there's one episode of season one of my show that's like, deeply about this exact topic.

What was her reaction?

Cool, great, like she's like, this woman's my soulmate, yeah. So I think I got a lot more confident when I became a successful rapper. And like, still, like, Lil Dicky was like my schtick, but like, it wasn't.

A gentle lover.

Gentle, genuine, yeah.

To the tip.

Yeah.

Like, I had a gentle touch, I guess. Another last question to wrap that up is like, How did you take me to the moment when you decided you were going to have your rap name be Lil Dicky?

Uh, like, I don't know how I came up with the idea, but like, I had the idea. And then I was like, well, I, I wanted to do like. I felt like, especially. Initially, I was like, my whole thing is going to be. That is that I'm the opposite of what you expect a rapper to be like. So I was like, what, what? what is a name that, like, totally encapsulates that vibe? So like to me? Like rap is very hyper-masculine, very like I'm the man.

Young Man's great.

Yeah, someone should be young man.

Someone out there should be young man, however.

Yeah.

There's no personal, yeah.

It doesn't have that zing.

It's like, Who the fuck is Lil Dicky? what?

I know so I do my rap name, like, honestly, truthfully, I hate my rap name, but I also love it. Okay, because it's like, I think.

Why do you hate it?

Because it's just like when, like when I see people on the street, they're like, Yo Dicky, I just like, don't see myself as like Dicky, you know? Like I don't like, like it doesn't. I don't like. I go like a little bit cringey when people are like, yo, Dicky.

Had it been Lil Dick, would you like that, like, Hey dick?

I think I might, but Lil Dick is too like, I don't know, like, too overt, like with Lil Dicky. I think it was perfect because you're thinking, like, is it, is that what it is right like?

But now that you've been so open, you could get rid of the why, like you could leave this room today and say it's lil dick.

I love Lil Dicky, it's like.

Okay.

It's it's the. it's the. it's my curse and my blessing, and I. I bear it, and I bear it proudly. Yeah.

It's interesting to meet you in person.

Am I not what you thought I would be? No.

I think you're like, way more like, sensitive and normal and grounded. And like, you're really funny. But I can tell that like, now, knowing more about you, where you came from? Like, you're, of course, you're funny, but like, you're a really, how do I say this? You're like a really sweet guy, thank you. That is like, in a very flashy world, yeah.

Rappers-.

Have a certain persona, you know what I mean, and you're not especially me.

You know, it's like, I, yeah, the show, really, I think helped for anyone who was like, I don't know about that little Dicky guy. Seeing the show is like, even if I'm not the same exact, it's way more than just like seeing a music video of a guy like rhyming, yes.

You said that the writers room for your show, Dave, is like a group therapy session, except it's one where the sole focus is on you, which is kind of fucking interesting. What is a hard truth that you've been hit with in the writer's room because everyone's focusing on you, like, Dave, what are we like?

Yeah, like, what are your flaws? yeah, how do they manifest themselves?

Is there anything that you've, in a writer's room been like, Fuck, I need to, like, think about that more?

I'm pretty self-aware.

Thoughts Dave, I'm really impressed you said it and you didn't need to say it because I as I've been sitting here with you. And I guess it's because we both have, you know, therapist mothers, but, like, you are very self aware. And I think it's really refreshing to hear a white hetero man with money and, yes, power. Just be like, Oh yeah, like, I think it's so obvious to me that this is the dynamic.

2020.

So you were already famous?

Yeah.

How did that go? How did you meet?

One of the writers on my show, Vanessa Woman I love, I kept saying, You know, you gotta set me up. I was like, I'm a hopeless romantic for sure. I wasn't going on all these dates to, like, Fuck, I was going to meet my wife. I worked so hard that simply having a date set up in the week was my beacon of hope that I would work toward. I was like, I can't wait till Thursday when I meet Lauren, we're just making a name up.

Okay, wait before we move forward from that, that's so interesting. So you went on all these dates and did you how, like, vulnerable do you get on these dates? Because I thought it was interesting that you said all these women. The common theme was them talking about, like, how shitty guys are. But I feel like it's because you're such a good guy. That they immediately like, why aren't guys like this treating women like this? Like, were you being overly sweet to these people?

Well, I think I'm being kind of, I think I just kind of by default am sweet. I definitely like, if I'm on a date, I'm trying to be charming, like I would be like, you know, super.

Did you have any things you would do on dates that was like your go-to?

Oh yeah.

Tell us.

First off, my go-to pickup line every time was, Excuse me, what's your availability as far as being hit on right now? Like, are you open minded to that type of thing or not, even remotely?

Good.

Yeah, and it's just it's like, What else am I? I'm not going to be like, Hey, how's your night going? I don't even know you.

Right, has anyone ever been like, Fuck off?

They've been like, Oh, uh, not, I'm not open, I have a boyfriend, but like, that was nice, that was good. Yeah, great feedback with that line.

That's fucking great.

Thank you very. Why? why it's all such bullshit. Just be like, Hey, like, are you down to get hit on by me in this moment or not? Like, you know?

You have to be transparent.

Yeah, I met my girlfriend at the right time, for sure, cause it was Covid. And then, like, like, it allowed me to, like, slow down and like, give love a shot and like, I. My current girlfriend is my soulmate, like, I'm just obsessed with her. When she met me, she was fresh off of, like a long breakup.

And we're going to talk a little bit more about that. I do have one more question about your penis.

Yeah.

Two questions. Cause then I want to go more into the relationship side of things and sex.

I love it, I love it. The way you love. Like a flawed Pixar character, it's like this charming, like Pixar character that's like a little bit misshapen. I, for example, you know, talk about my dick all the time.

Picturing you standing there in that room, just pulling your pants down and then like.

Okay, there are scenes that we've like scored for the show where like, literally, like, two men are like playing the keyboard. And I'm just like, butt naked sitting there.

Cause it just gives them such motivation.

It's just, yeah, it's just funny, it's a funny thing. Like, there's certain. Like, I don't know if you've seen a season two like Where? like me? and Benny, like, do that, like, there's. Have you seen that episode?

I haven't seen that episode.

Okay, yeah, good, you'd have a lot of questions, I think, but there's like a certain like, Jewish. Like. There are times where, like, I jerked off and like, other guys were in the room as a kid. And like, we're all just jerking off at the same time in the same room.

Is that a Jewish thing?

I don't know if it's a Jewish thing, but it might be like a suburban Pennsylvania fucked.

Up kid thing. Yeah, I'm going to ask my friends if they ever jerked off in the same room in a Pennsylvania basement.

I'd love to know the stats.

Yeah, I'll let you know. So if you could tell your 10 year old penis something, what would you say to him?

Girls don't know what it's supposed to look like. It's all going to be okay. It functions, it works, it's like it will develop, like, really like, it's like a nice weight.

I will say, a smaller penis is better for. Yeah, I personally think a smaller penis is better for allowing a girl to have an orgasm.

Cool.

Cause you can just hit a little bit more near that area where a large penis. I'm like, you're more near my belly button. That's not where, like, the G spot area is. Let's like, back it out, so I put half of it in there. But for you, you can enjoy yourself going all in.

I get all in and then I'm in, and that now I'm wiggling, you know, I'm in and I'm slow grinding, right? You know, it's not, it's not, I'm not doing that.

No, we're in, we're marinating.

Yeah, we just got a puppy.

Oh, what kind?

A cockapoo, Reggie, Reggie, Oh, he's the cutest.

You should have called him young man.

Maybe I will, there's still time. Okay, that could be his nickname.

What is something that you learned about the opposite sex by living with your girlfriend?

I feel like there's no friction whatsoever. As far as us living together, we're very similar. I've actually never met anybody from a personality perspective more similar to me than my girlfriend. So it's like, Yeah, it's bizarre.

I agree.

So it's.

Do you want to get married?

Yeah.

Have you talked about it?

Yeah, I talk about it all the time.

That's great.

It's going to go down.

Have you thought about how you're going to propose?

A little bit, but not, it's I'm. So basically, it'd be like the way I am with my show right now. Like, I can't even believe I'm here like I it. I can't believe how hard it is to finish this show. The post schedule, like this show, is getting worked on in real time all the way.

Are you neglecting your girlfriend?

I don't think so. I mean, I mean...

Maybe.

Let's call her in a sense, but not in a way that's surprising. Or, and it's like, because I think working from home is so nice. Because, like, now that she's not going in or not, it's like, it's we're both always there, we're in, or we're overlapping. I think what's most important is that I when I'm with her and I'm not, it's like, don't neglect there, like, you know, be present in that moment.

And I'm sure I think, to be with someone obviously like you, like, I'm sure she, you guys have a good balance of, like, she knows what you're, you're doing. And you're grinding it out right now. And you're at such a great point in your career that, like, there's moments in relationships where you have to be there for your partner while they're going through it. And then all of a sudden the show could be done one day. And then it's like, you got to be there for her with whatever she's going through.

She couldn't be more supportive and like, it's so, it's so nice to have that, and I couldn't appreciate her more or love her more.

What is your taste in porn?

Uh, super HD, like, you know, if there's anything non-HD, I'm not interested. I like like, I can, just, I mean, I don't know if, like, I like things that feel like real like.

That's so interesting.

I'd say I truly my my touch, like my sense of touch, like when I'm. Like, when the hand is like drifting up the thigh, you know, like, that's my, you've got the hand, I got the hand, I got the touch, like a great tickle.

A tickle So are you good at, like, fingering? Yeah, have you been given that note?

I think, so, yeah.

Okay.

I feel like better about like the way I get my hands on someone than I do. Like, necessarily, like going down on them. Not that I think I'm like, I just don't. I think like I look at myself as like an artist with the touch going down, I don't know. I'm kind of like, it's like a free for all and I'm not even sure what's going on.

I love the self-awareness because some men need to recognize that, like, if you don't know, you're great at it to every man listening. Don't eat a girl out if you really don't think like, you know what you're doing. Because it's actually so sad for us, because we're like, how do I tell him just to come up and fuck me, like, let's just stop, just just stop?

Yeah, okay, touch guy.

Have you ever made a sex tape?

No.

If you ever did, what would the tone of the sex tape be and how would you produce it?

I do think that I could have been like a porn star because of that. Like Pixar like quality that like, I think would be like, heroic for like the people to like, see such a flawed dick in porn. But I don't know like, I don't know, this is like, this is tough like I do.

You've never sent a dick pic in your life? never. I think that's smart, like no one needs a dick pic anyways.

No, my dick is too....

No, I don't care how good a dick is or bad, it doesn't matter, no one needs a dick pic really.

Yeah, I think like a Pam and Tommy style, like vintage camera, like, feeling like fly on the wall. And like, there's like a special moment between the two people. If I had to make one.

What is something unusual that turns you on?

One of my favorite phases of sexuality is the moment where my dick is being touched over my underwear. I'll be hooking up. And I'm not just I'm not speaking about my sexual origin of my girlfriend, so I'm just saying my past experiences.

But do girls ever be like, Oh, does he not want me to go down?

I probably just because, yes, because I so clearly love the hand. They're like, Oh, sorry.

And they're like, Well, Dickie, oh, like, maybe he doesn't want to, maybe that's almost. It's like a little lingering from your past of like, you used to actually be like, No, don't go down there. And you hiked him up high, it could be.

It could be like, think about it, my underwear on, like, that's the thing I, you know.

And now it gets you off that you actually will. Eventually, you know, you'll let them take it off, but, like, let's linger in the like, don't take them off in the foreplay.

Yeah, I'm a big, I like foreplay.

What do you want people to know about you as we wrap up this episode? Like, what is something you feel like? is a little like misconception, like you wish people got more about you.

I don't know, I think I'm an open book, but I feel as though if I had to answer that question, I would say. For the people out there who might see a little dickie rap video and think, you know, that's like a satirical based joke about like, requires, like a tongue in cheek, assholey adjacent perspective to know that. There's probably thought behind it. And I really value the joke, I love making jokes and I honor the joke, and as a human being, I feel like I am a good man.

A young man.

Yeah.

Young man, little Dickie, thank you so much for coming on. This was so fun, I really had no idea what to expect.

Thanks for having me.

Did you have a good time? Yeah, nothing too offensive.

No, I thought time flew.