Reneé Rapp: Sex Lives of College Girls [VIDEO]

Everyone come down, it's going to fucking happen. So I'm so happy that we're giving the people what they want today. Always, let's update the people on how you're feeling.

You're a little.

Well, good thing you're seeing me today, not last night. Because sometimes most of the time when I get drunk or sober, we like me and my friends always like, get in fights and stuff, not with each other.

And I told you, I'm like, thank fucking God, it's you though, because I actually like you. When you have that one person on your algorithm, you're like, Get the fuck off my page, bro, you're like, please leave me alone. But actually, how does it feel to be where you're at in your career, right?

You were saying like you would tell everyone.

It's all delusion, I genuinely don't fucking know you, just like.

There's like, videos of me like, Nah, you're not creepily, but like as like a child, like in like a diaper with harmonica. Like making like, what would be like a song and shit like that, and then like writing things.

So you grew up in Charlotte? Yeah, which when I was like, getting prepared for this interview, I was like, why did I think? You're like a city girl? Like you come off as like, born and raised in New York? And then you do give, like, I don't know, maybe you just like, give that energy.

And.

The high school was wild for me because my first two years in high school, I went to, like, a normal high school, and then I transferred to an art school. Because it's a very like, long winded thing. But being that I wanted to be Beyonce and I didn't want to go to college, yeah, I had to. And my parents were like, my dad was like kicking me out of the house.

He was like, What the fuck are you doing? You don't think you're going to go to college? I was like, bet that I'm going to show you. And so, high school is weird because I was in a regular high school for the first two years and I absolutely hated myself.

And it just sucked. Why did you hate yourself? I like, I was such an overly emotional kid always and I still am like a very like, hyper emotional person. And I just like, I think like, I come off very hard, at least I thought I used to.

And I am so sensitive and so I think like the like duality of me, like coming across kind of hard, and like confident, and like cool, and like very chill. And then like, actually, everything fucking hurting me, like, beyond belief, was nauseating. And I also had horrible friends, like horrible friends, and I had really horrible friends when I was a kid.

And so it was just like years of like me, like despising who I was emotionally, my friends and my friends mothers despising who I was. Period. End of that sentence. And it was just, it was just crazy. But then when I switched to Arts High School, I kind of started, just like doing my own thing.

And I mean, it was still actually like trash. And like the friends moms hating me, like, got like 10 times worse. Wait, why are these moms hating you? Yeah, let me fucking tell you so, so the theater mommies didn't like me.

They did not fuck with me, they created a group chat about me. I was told through my friends that there was this group chat that was basically them. Like, shitting on the like high school musical casting process and shitting on the fact that I had Da da, da da, whatever. And I was like, Okay, so grown people are also stupid, because I was like, I was like, you're 40 plus year old women hating on a teenager, right? For your kids sake, that's embarrassing.

I can actually relate.

But it can be off putting to other people. So socially, you're like, I'm just trying to fucking be beyonce over here, okay, and trying to get out of Charlotte. Thank you for seeing me.

Yeah, but I get where, like in those like high school environments, it can be like, very like, Well, she's the fucking bitch, or she's this and she's that. When it's really like, Well, why do you think Renee is acting this way? Like, maybe she's feeling whatever it was like, totally.

Well, and also like to be clear like I don't.

Um, because I just, I'm so emotional, yeah, I'm just really, really, really super sensitive.

I was like, I do not fit here, like I felt like everybody was like super, like fucked and like homophobic and like, just like, not fun and great, and it was just.

When did you start to like, explore your sexuality?

That was nice, I was like, that's good, she's different, you know? Because, like, growing up in fucking Huntersville, like, it was just like, I was like, damn, but yeah, she was just like, so cute to me, and she was much older than me. And she carried herself with just like the most like, amazing demeanor ever of. Like, I felt like she was just like, super, like, fuck it, like, whatever.

And I was just like obsessed with her, and I figured out one day I went home because I genuinely. And this is like, I don't know if this is a bad thing or if it's not. But honestly, I was just like, so intrigued by her and like, she never wore a bra, which was amazing.

But I was like, I can't, I cannot, I cannot stop looking at this. Girl's like, like, like. That was the moment that I was like, Oh, okay. And I went home and I started full blown crying, had a meltdown. I was like, Oh, my god, I'm gay. I was like, damn it, I was like, That's crazy.

Because, like, I had never heard anything surrounding that in a positive light. Because the one like, queer person that I knew in my life is a family member of mine who I really looked up to, who got absolutely shitted on by everybody in our family. And so all I ever heard was like, Oh, like, and she was bisexual at the time. They were like, Oh, she needs to pick a side and like, Oh well, she's, you know, she just she's, whatever, whatever. You shouldn't be around her kind of thing like you never know who's gonna like, make you gay, genuinely.

And so I had a full blown panic attack and I was laying in my bed and I was screaming, crying. Which is hilarious in hindsight, because, like, imagine, like, 14 year old me, like, screaming, crying. I'm gay, you know? I was like, Oh my God, and also I was like, Well, gotta pick a side, have to be a lesbian. So I decided that I would call my friend at the time.

And I was like, Hey, I just want to let you know.

I'm gay, I'm a lesbian. And she was like, Oh, okay, cool, and I was like, Yeah, and I'm like, fighting through tears.

But I was like, I just like, hated everything about that as a kid. And so she was like, Okay, so do you think you like, don't like boys at all? And I was like, No, no, no, no, I still do. I still do, but I'm I'm a lesbian, though.

I'm a lesbian. And she was like, I don't, I don't know about that, and I was like, Nah, man, like, gotta be one, gotta pick a side, gotta do it.

So I was like, I'm a lesbian, She was like, I think you're bisexual, I was like, you're kidding, and that was so intriguing.

How did you tell your parents and how did they react?

I was just like, laughed at every time I tried to come out, like I was just laughed at. So then I, like, never really talked about it. And I had always just said, I was like, I just was one of those people that never felt like they really had to come out. And to be honest, like, I feel like my genuine like, coming out to my family. Close and extended has been doing college girls. Because now that part of me is like, on display in a very palatable way.

Which I think is also like, kind of fucked up in a way that I'm like, yeah, like, now I'm like on a TV show and I'm like, very publicly. Like, out and accepted as a bisexual woman and on the show, like as a gay woman and a lesbian woman. Now, like, it's like, really cool for everybody. And I was like, Yeah, oh my god, amazing. I did not have that same support as a kid.

And so I resent it in a lot of ways. It's it's still really, really hard. Because I never, like fully will believe that somebody who like treated me like that as a kid is now really accepting of it. I'm like, you just like it now because it's like comfortable for you and it's like something exciting that you can like romanticize around. My life now if you have.

Because at the time, I was in a heteronormative relationship relationship.

And I like, hated going to work because I was like. I was like, I don't think I'm like, good enough to be here. I don't think like I can be here, I don't think I can be doing this. And I was like, I was like, maybe I'm just like trying too hard, and then I would like come home and I would psych myself out, literally.

And I will never forget like, I like sat on my like front porch. And I called one of my friends. And I was like, I was like, I am straight, I was like, I think I'm just straight, I can't do this.

I can't do this. And they were like, What the fuck is going on with you? and I was like, I don't know, I don't know, but I can't.

And I was just like in a panic constantly.

And I wasn't. But I was so freaked out by the idea of, like, my sexuality not being like, finite. Or people laughing at me, or, like me, laughing at myself that I hated first.

And so then like, doing the job, being such a mindfuck with like, so scary because also like, you know, I'm like, on a show that like.

There are a lot of men around, there are a lot of men around, there are a lot of gay men around, there are a lot of straight men around. There are a lot of older men around me on set, right? So I'm going through set, doing these scenes. And I'm also having gay men come up to me and be like, So like, are you like, really gay? Like you just play? And I was like, Oh, and I know that sounds like such a little like frou-frou thing. And I also understand there's like an immense level of like difference. When it comes to like people who are bisexual specifically, also like, I'm a cis white woman who is bisexual, right?

Like, that's also loaded in itself, and I understand that it's still really like, fucking pissed me off and it made me just like second guess everything about myself. And so I felt like I was to no one else's real fault, except for, like my like formative childhood years and myself, I was beating myself up so much.

I also just like the biggest part of it was like, I really, like, I wanted so badly to do a good job. Like, not even really as an actor. Like, yeah, that was like a part of it, but I was just like, whatever.

I was like, if I'm not good at acting, they'll just fire me and that'll be easier. But like, I wanted to play the role in a way that, like, if I saw it as a kid, it would like feel good to me. And so I also like, wanted to do a good job. So bad that I was just like so nervous all the time, and yeah, it was like it was like so much the first season.

What is your relationship now with your parents? It's like, great now. I think like, I think it's wild because like, I just turned 23. So I'm even like, discovering like, so much about my relationship with my family now.

My dad is my best friend in the whole wide world and it's so interesting. Because we, like, would go at it growing up, like, go at it and like, I was a fucking madhouse as a kid, like, I was a monster. And also I was told that I was like, to be clear, like my family, extended family, friends, like referred to me as like a ticking time bomb like that doesn't feel great.

As a kid, it really doesn't. And also to be like the like girl child in the family, and to be like, told, like, you're constantly so dramatic and so emotional. And to actually, on the surface of all of that, like, have a massive anxiety disorder, was really crazy. But, as I like to say, very close to my parents now and getting out of the house, like, changed a lot of it.

Because when I did the whole like theater thing, right, like, go to the art school. Try to win this, try to win this, and then try to get a job working in New York. And then very luckily, like, Did that's not Wood? But okay? And I'm like, I started working in Mean Girls on Broadway and I was really, really sick, had a horrible eating disorder, and I was laying in my bed in New York.

And I remember facetiming my parents and I was like, I cannot go to work, I can't, I can't, I can't do it. Like, I can't go to that place, like I physically cannot be there.

This is scaring the shit out of me, like, I can't do that. I can't put on those costumes, not after everything that's happened, not after changing my costumes, not after this whole thing.

Like, that was not my decision. I can't, I can't be there, I'm a kid, I'm a fucking kid.

My parents change their attitude from you're so dramatic to, oh, holy shit, like there are things that are happening to you.

Publicly, and you don't have control over them. We are flying to New York and we're gonna come.

While on Broadway, I had an.

And it was, it was. It was really tough when you said, they like, changed your costumes, like, what do you mean?

My costumes were changed and it was not my decision like.

So I'm already, like, wildly insecure and like, super uncomfortable. And then certain people came to see the show who I don't know or work with anymore. And then, like, all of a sudden, I like, got a call from somebody who worked on the show that was like, Hey, by the way, I just want to let you know we're sending you into these fittings.

And we're just going to, like, change some costumes. I'm really sorry and I was like, really sorry, I was like, What do you mean? and they're like, Yeah, I know.

It's just like, you know, if it's nothing that makes you comfortable, then, like, totally, just like, tell us. And like, we can just like, go back to the old ones. But like, we're going to send you into this fitting. And so I was really confused. And so I remember calling my mom and being like, why did I just get called that? Like, I'm going into another thing.

I was like, this is kind of weird, and she was like, No, I think it's fine, and I was like, OK, so I go into the fitting. And I saw that like they were putting like a skirt over my corset and stuff. And I knew when I got in there, I was like, Oh, I know what this is for, I was like, I know exactly what this is.

And because I could tell, by the demeanor of the costumers and the people, they're like, we're so sorry. And I was like, I was like, 19 years old, and I was like, Oh, mind you, at the time, I'm already in the show and getting like, horrific messages from people online. That's like, we didn't even want to be at the show because we saw that. You're like, asses hanging out and da da, da, da, da da, mind you? I'm like, then I'm going into interviews as a teenager. And like, the constant thing that everyone is asking me is like, how does it feel being like a curvy woman playing a role? And da da, da da.

I'm like, a, I'm a teenager. B This is also wildly loaded conversation. Because now you're going to say that I am a bigger person, then you're also in a weird way. Taking up space for people who are actually like, bigger bodied than mine. That should actually have the nature for that conversation in the space, but it was.

It was just like a very fucked up sort of time in my life. So I changed my costumes and I went in to go do my like put in rehearsal for the show and I was the only one in a costume. And I, like, turned around and the whole cast was amazing, like everybody, like, turned around and looked at me. And I could see immediately, on everybody's face that everybody in that fucking building had known what happened. And I wanted to die because they were like, Oh, holy shit.

And I was, like, mortified, how the fuck did you get through that moment? To be honest, everybody around me lied to me and said that it wasn't a problem. And it was a thing where they just wanted to highlight my body, and so it was like, also nauseating, but also like.

The weird thing was I, and not weird. But I didn't talk to anybody about it because I know where this whole thing came from and it did not come from. Like Tina or Lauren, or anybody who I love, who works on that show and who I'm about to work with again. Like, it came from nobody who I respected and loved. And so it was really difficult because I was also then, like, really battling. Like being very sick and having to pull out of the show all the time. Because I wasn't eating at all during the day.

So I would get on stage and I would like be like shaking and like, about to pass out. And people would be like, Oh, she's having an anxiety attack, let's pull her out for the show. Mind you, I haven't eaten in like 24 hours. It was horrible. So, yeah, I remember like people who were close to me in my life were just like, I think it's just like a thing where they want to, like, you know? Highlight your curve.

And I was like, you think I was like, I'm pretty sure that, like a grown ass man, just like, told me that like.

I'm not a size to be wearing this on a stage, but yeah.

Did you have friends in New York, like, what was your social life like?

I had friends, but my life, like, really just revolved around work.

And just, you know, really revolved around, like being really sick, like, sadly, like I just would wake up and like, try to not eat all day and then go to work and then like, drink and go home.

Oh, you must be like, doing better, because I associated that with good, so it was really, really hard.

Yeah, so I feel like a couple months ago, but then again, like also like never.

I mean, that these are things that I've actually probably said to people in the last five years that I can't believe I've actually said that. Like, I had somebody say to me that like this, really, like, sent me into a fucking spiral.

Again, they were not trying to be malicious. But I was like, I was like, Hey, can I please get out of this costume? Like, I don't feel like I can do my best work in this. Can I just like, have some pants or something? I'm really afraid today.

And I had already been super transparent about, like, I was like, Hey, I love you, I respect you so much. I'm really struggling, so if I ever need to change something, please know it has nothing to do with your work.

And it's everything internally for me. I just want to be really transparent about that because it'd be unfair if I didn't, yeah.

And they're just be like, Oh my god. But that like, looks so slimming on you, not like, makes you look so slim. And I'd be on set and I'd be like.

Oh, my God. And I know that they were not trying to be malicious. Which is the hard part, right? Because I'm like, I in this moment would love to literally slap the shit out of you, but I understand where you're coming from.

Because I guarantee I've said that to someone before.

Yes, with regard to your music career, a lot of your music is about heartbreak, falling in love, getting hurt. What is like the biggest heartbreak you've?

The biggest heartbreak that I've ever experienced is. I was like, I was in a relationship and I was like, very much in love with someone. And I was really invested, and I was really also invested in myself. And that made someone in their family very uncomfortable. That I was super into my career and that I didn't think my career should make anybody feel bad, and so the fucked up part is.

I started hiding my successes from my partner and their family because I knew that. If they found out, they were not going to be happy with me. And they were going to be like, what'd she get? I've literally gotten that comment. And so that was the biggest heartbreak because I was like, damn, like, I really made myself that much smaller for that long of a time to make a man comfortable.

I was like, Am I the antithesis of everything that I would teach my daughter or my child? I was like?

When you're in it, and when you're trying to be successful, you have to full heartedly believe in yourself, like we said, even if it's delusional. And when you're in a relationship with someone that's trying to make you feel less than, or make you feel shame for the good shit you're doing. You either hide it, or you essentially kind of pull back on your career to try to make this person happy. But it's like, Wait, what the fuck am I doing? I had the same exact situation where I was like. I couldn't talk to him about the good things that was happening because it was like, he's threatened, he's jealous, he's insecure.

And then you don't, almost you feel it, but you're trying to hold on to it. And like, micromanage, like, how can I make this fit? And then when you're out, you're like, what the fuck was I doing well? And then the second I was out?

And I literally went, I went. I was like, Okay, and I hung up the phone bye and I called my manager. I was like, I just want you to know this is going to be the greatest, motherfucking year of my life.

And he was like, What just happened? I was like, Oh, I just, you know, we broke up, but I was like, I feel it like in my fingers. I don't know how to explain this.

But like my entire life, it now makes sense to me and my manager. Adam was like, Are you? are you good? and I was like, Honestly, no. I was like, I'm actually not okay at all, but I've never felt better to be myself.

Yeah, in my life, and it actually was like, very real of, like the second, that I did not have to make someone comfortable. And like, stay at whatever level of success, or not even success like, at whatever level of like, hardworking, whatever like woman like. Felt like to them and felt like to their family. My entire fucking career changed, and that's why this last year has been insane. Because I was like, I'm gonna do what I've always wanted to do. And what I did not allow myself to do around you, and what you did not allow me to do around you, and what your father didn't allow me to do around you.

And I will do it incredibly well, and I will look hot as fuck, and you will exist somewhere. Misogyny is a motherfucker, because even it's so what is such a mindfuck is? I'm so incredibly like, Oh my God. I would go through that entire experience 10 times over again, and that heartbreak 10 times over again, and that abandonment 20 times over again. To be where I am right now, I don't give a fuck, like, Are you kidding me?

I was like, if I, if you told me, go through that again and then you will be a egot, hello. I'm going through it twice with two different people at the same time. Break up with me, leave me, let's do it.

Let's do it, run it up, let's do it again, but. But misogyny is such a mindfuck in and of the fact that I can say that right now. Yet I still somewhere in the back of my mind can be like, Are you like stepping out of line?

Like, even as, even as I'm saying that, right, which is crazy.

Maybe I don't, but do you ever?

But I always just try to think, like.

Would Beyonce have taken it out if it came out in 2002?

And like, the answer is like, Um, Beyonce would not have. No, I'm not going to exactly Becky with the good hair.

I've only, I've only learned from her. Are you single now? Um, I am, I am very happy and I am seeing somebody that makes me, like, really happy.

And I feel like, very appreciated. And I don't feel like I've been made to feel small or like I need to make myself smaller to make them comfortable. Dude, that's great, I'm happy for you. Do you have a type?

Um, yeah, so like, I've dated so many people in the same fucking font, like if you went through like, the roster for 2021, like, let me fucking tell you. The people, the boys, the girls, like, they all absolutely were from the same mother and father, like, it is crazy, they're all siblings.

And they are like, I could. I will show you like, where, where's my phone? I have my phone, I need that.

They're all from the same mother and father. I love you, this is one person.

This is one person.

Looks like him. And then-.

Oh rip.

I now have like a community of people around me that actually like, celebrate that part of me. Which is very different from how I was viewed as a kid. Because I was always made fun of, or called a ticking time bomb for that. And so, in a weird way, fame has helped me. Uh, I guess what a fucking L..A. sentence of me to say, but it is true.

Like, it really has, and I feel very like, supported, and I also feel very like.

GRACe Yeah, may she rest in peace.

Like, I actually so like for mean girls, like, um, Broadway mean girls, not movie mean girls. I almost did not take that job, like I said no to that job a couple times, because I was so scared. I was like, I don't want to be an actor. Um, I also just to be like, super blunt was like, I'm not a good actor. At the time, I was like, I'm a terrible actor.

Like, I'm good at, like, singing, but um, yeah, I'm always scared of that. I'm always, I think about it constantly. Every conversation that I have is surrounding like, does this put me in too much of this way? Because I have to be seen as this?

Because when I'm not seen as this, and I'm not seen as a musician, I have a fucking panic.

And I was like, Bro, I was like, that is the most accurate shit I've ever heard. Because, by the way, let me be so clear, that would not be a good thing. So we're very different in that way.

I fucking hope, um, yeah, if you ever see me wearing something that you think will be in her closet, come and punch me square.

Turtlenecks.

Which also I've heard time and time again. Okay, Renee, but you're an actor on a show like, that's kind of the whole point is like, playing another character. I'm like, Yeah, this is why I was not supposed to be an actor, right? I'm like, this isn't. I was not supposed to do this.

That is a godsend. That is fucking great. I do have to wear those tweed sets though, okay, love.

My favorite.

Like, you want it.

Tell me when I am allowed to begin speaking, you begin whenever you want to begin. Okay, hey daddy, so here's the thing.

We'll do too well for you, yep, only for you.

Yeah, let's too well, let's run it up.

Go girl.

The day I woke up in a good mood for once, the first time in six months. I don't hate you as much. You weren't there. In my dreams. I could finally sleep. It felt good, but it sucks.

I don't hate you as much. It's easier holding a grudge. I'd rather be angry than crushed. I'm doing too much.

I'm back where I started again, crying and calling my friends, This shit never ends, I.

I still see your face. I hate hearing your name. What a wreck. What a shame I'm replaying that day. You called me at eight, two weeks on a break, just to ask for more space. You're my biggest mistake.

It's easier holding a grudge. I'd rather be angry than crushed. I'm doing too much. I'm back where I started again, crying and calling my friends. This shit never ends, I.

Whenever you guys are ready.

The origin story of bruises is because I was seeing this girl and I was staying in my friend Thomas's apartment in New York. And I basically said to Thomas. I was like, Guess what I did? and he was like, what? And I was like, I fucked her on your couch. But I thought you got to understand that I didn't go to college, so I thought I was like, Oh, this is going to be like a bonding moment.

Like, you know if, like your friends are like in college. Like, if my friend came to me and was like, I like, had sex with this person on your couch? I'd be like, tell me how it went that it wasn't received that way, which I now get in hindsight, like, that's super weird, but I just, I don't know. I was like, I hadn't seen a girl in a while either, and so I was just so excited.

I was like, Ah, I was like, this is so cute, and they didn't think that was like, funny or cute. And I get that, I really do get it. And so I wrote Bruises.

And I was like, Oh, my friends, just, they just make so much fun of me and that's why I wrote Bruises.

Like that.

Six different moods at a time. I'm happier than losing my mind. Quick transition to crazy, isn't that fair? I've got acetone for veins.

I'm so sensitive, one touch and I feel pain.

I take everything personally, I've always hated that about me. I've tried to be cool and chill, but it's not fair. I've got acetone for veins, I'm so sensitive.

Just one touch and I feel pain.

I bruise, I bruise easily. Black, purple and green. you hurt me. I bruise. I bruise easily. Please don't fucking swing.

But the truth's, I bruise easily, and sure, I'm down to be the joke. Metaphorically, though, you could flip me inside out and they would show black, purple and green. Yeah, I bruise easily.

Fuck, yes, Renee, what the fuck, thanks.

Don't stop.