Toxic Bootcamp [VIDEO]

Daddy Gang, Welcome back to another episode of Call Her Daddy. Today is going to be a solo episode, Just Me and You. I'm really excited for this one because I have been doing a lot of reflecting lately and today's topic is toxic relationships. It's been something that I have been thinking about and I think, who knows, maybe, especially because I'm getting married next year. And I'm definitely proud of the work that I've put in to get to where I am in my current healthy relationship. And let me be so clear, it was a lot of fucking work.

Like, I was not, I don't think I was, like, made for the healthy until I reached a certain point in my life which we're going to talk about today. I was really obsessed with the toxic. And now that I'm at this different phase of my life, I am able to look back at my previous relationships with a sense of clarity. And the timing of this episode just feels necessary.

I feel like it's just been a month of toxic. Whether it's recent conversations I've had with friends, guests on the show. Like we had Madeline coming on talking about toxic relationships, we had Sierra coming on talking about it. Also, just like meeting you guys out in the wild. Like I was at the grocery store the other day and one of you stopped me being like, Alex, I am deep in this toxic relationship, like, girl, let's talk.

And I'm like, Oh my God, let me get my almond milk, and then, yes, proceed to tell me. So wait, what did he do? Like? Everywhere I turn, it's been a toxic fucking couple months, so daddy gang, welcome to Toxic Relationship Bootcamp.

Today's episode is going to be for all the girlies and my gays. So whether you're in high school, whether you're in college, whether you've graduated, or you're in the fucking nursing home, okay, this applies. I want to talk about the different phases of Toxic and maybe do a little reminiscing on some of my previous, less wiser days. Although I hate when I even say that, because I'm like, some of the shit I used to do was very wise.

Okay, that shit worked in the moment, I had that shit down to a t and it had to be considered brilliant in the moment. Now I'm like, What the fuck was I doing? I needed therapy at 21, why was I hurting myself?

Why was I crying in my room, why did I have the pit in my stomach? Why was I waiting for him to text me? But then being like, But I'm not going to text him because I don't want him to know that I like him. What was going on? But I digress.

We're going to talk about all of this today and I want us to have a real fatherly moment. Okay, because there, and I said this recently. There does come a time in life when the toxic just isn't cute anymore, and I think some of us may need a wake up call. I want to talk about how Toxic begins as a fun game in college, how we end up staying with it post-grad. Because it's easy. And like, I'm not going to stay with him forever, but like, it's working.

And like, I like his friends and like how we normalize it. And we get stuck in a situation. Ship. Maybe we even fucking move in together and then ultimately, the scariest fucking one is you marry the fuck boy who? We told ourselves it was just a phase.

That is fucking, that's a sin, okay, that's a sin to do to ourselves. Daddy gang, let's take a little trip back in time, to a place where the toxic thrived and roamed free. For me, okay.

This is where I was peak toxic college, and by the toxic. Like. I'm talking about the little fun games, the calculated games that you play, Daddy Gang, I'm talking about fucking reverse Uno card, flipping the script and finessing the fuck boy. You know, I've talked about it from day one. Leave him unread.

Fuck with his emotions, flirt with his best friend, fuck his dad, give him mixed signals, play hard to get.

Fuck his brains out, ghost him poof, goodbye, yup.

Just leave, get lost, goodbye, you go off the grid, you fucking died, bitch.

Okay, you purposely ice them out, you don't respond for a few days, you fuck his world up.

No words, no nothing. You're just gone and for absolutely no reason at all. Like you had a great day. Your sex was insane.

You fucked his brains out. Perfect timing to ghost after a great fuck session. Goodbye, you will never hear from me again, and he asks you, Hey, what happened?

Why didn't you respond the past two days? He reaches out, Do you know what? I respond instead of being like, because I just want you to like me. And I know that if I text you after we fuck that, you're gonna blah, blah, blah.

No, you know what? I would say, if he texts me like, Yo, where have you been the past two days? I would reply, Lol. Stop being clingy.

Chill, What are you up to? The Wiener shrinks to zero. And it was fun, because historically, straight, white, hetero, fucking men have always been the ones in positions of power.

Okay, so I'm not going to go and lie and be like, I didn't enjoy it. I fucking loved it. And I know some of you are like, definitely like, Goddamn, this sounds exhausting. Let me be so fucking clear, daddy gang.

It was, it was so, so tiring, it was so exhausting being in the game of toxicity. But Daddy Gang, I hope as we reminisce, hopefully you guys aren't like we love it. Keep giving us more advice.

No, daddy gang, daddy gang. I hope you see where I'm going with. This is like, if you elect to tango with Toxic. If you decide to play the game, you have to completely shut off your emotions. Feelings don't exist. Nope.

What are those? Never existed? And in my college years, which is why I do want to talk about toxic and normalize a little bit. Like, I fucking loved it, I lived for this.

This was so fun, it was exciting, it was acceptable. College and your early twenties are a time in your life where the stakes are so fucking low. When I'm talking about finessing a fuck boy and engaging in the toxic, it's fun because at this point in your life, the advantages honestly outweigh the disadvantages.

I'm not actually trying to date this person to be emotionally fulfilled. You are going at it so that you can get invited to the party so that you can be at the coolest events. So that you can get into their friend group so that you can. You know, the chase, like the chase, is so fucking fun at that age, because that's what that phase of life is about. A real relationship takes work and commitment, and in college, I don't fucking want that. It's, I know it's on surface level. But like, if you actually think about high school and college and a little bit out of college, it is all about social equity.

And it really has nothing to do with the emotional aspect at this point in your life. In college, if I can be super honest and real with it, I guess I'm basically saying like, the toxic in college is the way to go. Like, which sounds fucking crazy. But it's like, in college, the nice guy with the 4.0 isn't really who you want. And no offense to Trevor and Daniel and Craig and Gustav over there, hitting the library, getting their books ready to go. Like, I'm sure they're going to graduate with honors and a fucking six-figure offer, working in some lab somewhere, okay?

But it's like, I'll see you, I'll see you later, like I'll see you soon. Like, take me on a date when I'm like, 26, like, you know what I mean like, and let me be so clear.

If you are still going strong with your high school boyfriend, your college boyfriend, he knows your mom. He brings you flowers, he gets you Tiffany necklaces with in the shape of a fucking heart. He brings you anything you ever want. He opens the door. Your family loves him, your friends are obsessed with him. You guys are couple goals and you want to marry him and live happily ever after. This is not the workshop for you. We love you, bitch. You're thriving, keep thriving. This is not for you, this is for my fucking toxic hoes, okay?

The ones that are like, Alex, how do I get the frat boy that treats me like shit to be in love with me? This is for you guys, the ones that love to have that pit in their stomach, but you don't know why. The ones that can't stop going back to people that treat them like dog shit, this is for you.

I just don't think it's.

Listen, I also want to pause again, why I'm actually saying the toxic is okay in college and in our early 20s. Because it's like, I don't think we're actually ready to be a good partner. Like, I know I'm like, Oh my God, like I'll be nice and answer you in text.

Like, the fuck, am I going to give him back? You know what I mean? It's like, it's not. I don't think we're fully formed in a way that we can be, even in the healthiest relationship. Because who the fuck is in love with themselves in their 20s?

Who loves themselves at 18 19, 20 21, 22 23? Like, we hate ourselves at that point, we're trying to figure our shit out. So I would just say, I really think that you're meant to fuck up and you're meant to fuck around.

So I guess my.

If you're in college right now, or you're in high school, you're a little out of college. I would say, keep it up, keep it up, you finesse the fuckboy, you have your fun.

You play the games and for the most part, there's really not going to be any major consequences. You know what I mean? Like, maybe there's a couple sleepless nights waiting up for them to text you, or maybe even a tear or two. But just never fucking sob over a fuckboy. Let me just be so clear.

You never actually.

Like, you can let a soft tear and be like, Damn like, my worth has been compromised by this fucker. We never sob, and when we say we, I say I did so.

Now I'm telling you you don't because I did enough crying for us. But and here's the big But. And what's weird is like, it sounds like it's sad, but it's actually amazing. But you'll know the time that you're ready to graduate, and I don't mean fucking college, I hope you do okay.

Don't fail out by sucking so much dick you like, can't make it to class, okay, daddy gang, when you graduate?

It's basically when shit starts to just get a little bit realer. You get your first real job, right? You graduate and you move to a new city. And all of a sudden you find yourself talking to another fuckboy. Because this is, this is your norm at this point, this is what you're familiar with, okay?

And in your mind, you're like, it's all temporary. You know, this is still never supposed to go anywhere. You know that he knows that we all know that, right? And listen, I get it. So much is changing in that period of your life.

When you go into your early twenties and you're on your own, it can be a little overwhelming. I mean, again, if you think about it, suddenly your entire schedule changes, your expectations change, your friends all disperse and move. Everywhere. You're thrown into brand new situations, you're having to navigate a real job.

It's a lot, it's so much that having something familiar, even if it is a fuckboy, can be really comforting. You're like, I know how to do this, I don't know how to do this, I don't know how to do the job.

I don't know how to do, like paying my own fucking rent, I don't know how to do, but I know how to do this. So you stay with the toxic, a copy and paste situation, because it's what you know and it's easy and at this point you're so used to it. Let's discuss what toxic looks like post-college and into our twenties, because it really is not the same thing that we were just discussing earlier, okay?

You're now stuck in a situation the games are no longer cute. At this point in your life, your mindset has to shift. Your time and energy is so fucking valuable. Daddy gang, we aren't about to look up and realize we accidentally wasted our fucking twenties waiting around playing pointless fucking games with Brad. And fucking with people who are so fucking toxic that make us feel like shit, that are exhausting us.

I want to spend time on my job, I want to spend time on my relationships, my friends, I barely get to see them. You want to spend time on shit that makes you fucking happy, that actually fucking fulfills you, not on still playing the fucking game of like. Is he going to text me? I'm going to wait.

Oh my God, he treated me like shit, we got drunk, he wasn't being nice, you know what I mean? You don't need to constantly feel like you had an emotional hangover. Because you were either up all night arguing with your partner, or you were unable to sleep because of how heated things got.

I can't tell you how many nights I had like that.

Sometimes I would also say, and even as I'm saying it, I'm like the screaming fights. Sometimes. The worst is when you don't even fight, you just get to the point where you don't even talk, you don't even talk about it. You're just like, you know, in your gut, you feel sick to your stomach going to bed.

You don't know how to get out of it, but you're just like, I hate this, I hate this and what I wish you would realize. And I know it's fucking shitty to say, but like, No, you hate this version of yourself, you can hate them, hate them all you fucking want.

That doesn't matter, you're in control of your own fucking life. You hate this version of yourself, you hate that you feel so fucking shit, that you're like, Why is it this fucking hard?

Why is it this hard? And when you don't fight, that shit is when it's like, that's bleak. You're just sitting on the couch together. You don't even fucking like each other at that point. But it's like, we put in work. And I would say on the occasion that you do argue, because it fucking happens.

I fucking argue with Matt. It shouldn't become a screaming match with name calling. Or getting to the point where either of you are saying things to purposefully hurt the other. Like, if you're in a disagreement or upset by something that your partner did, you should feel safe enough to bring that up to them. I was scared, shitless, for so many fucking years to do this because I thought it meant they would just leave, like I couldn't talk about my feelings. But it shouldn't be that. You're nervous to address things with your partner because they will belittle you or make you feel dumb. Or just brush it off as like, that's fucking insignificant.

What the fuck are you talking about? That happened to me so often that I just stopped speaking up.

In two relationships I had that were quite toxic, like I just lost my voice because I was like, if I say this, then he'll leave. And our lives are so intertwined, like, how would I leave? So, like, I'm just gonna like, cry in the shower and get in bed and pretend like everything's fine. No daddy gang. You should feel like your emotions and what you want and need actually fucking matter. Obviously, no relationship is perfect, and I'm sitting here, like in, probably like, the first fucking healthy relationship of my life.

So I'm trying to, just like, pour anything. I've been like, feeling like, whoa, we do deserve this daddy gang. Like, I'm just trying to share with you guys some like awesome things I've learned of, like, wait, this exists, like, Wait, you guys. We don't have to feel like shit all the time.

It's just there are just some things that we shouldn't have to put up with or settle for. I want better for you daddy gang, and I want you to want it like, I want you to actually get to the point where you actually feel like, Yeah, damn, this is actually like, just embarrassing at this point, like, I deserve better.

Like, he's treating me so shit like bye, like you won't hear from me again, like, I'm so done with you, like.

Why give someone this power to make you feel this way? But you have to actively make the decision that you aren't gonna put up with this shit anymore. I remember my mom literally I was like, Okay, thanks, mom, but my mom was like, I didn't know if you would ever like.

Find a healthy relationship like. It was really toxic for a really long time.

And when I look back, I think it says a lot about how I felt about myself. I think I was just like addicted to the chaos because I couldn't be alone with my thoughts. I felt like the more work I had to put into something, the more they liked me. Like, I felt like it shouldn't be easy.

If it's easy, they don't like you. Like, I thought there had to be fights, I thought there had to be arguments, I had to feel lightly insecure.

That means I'm alive, that means I'm, like, attracted to them, I like them. I think, going from when I was younger and like, just craving boy's attention. To the point where I just felt like so unlovable and so unseen, like, I just felt so like I was always the last one picked in middle school.

Like, and I know I'm literally talking about middle school now, but like, that fucks with you when you're like. No one wanted to touch me with a 10 foot ball, like, literally no one wanted to feel me up. Like I didn't have anything to feel up at the time. Like everyone's like doing seven minutes in heaven and like no guy ever was wanting me. I was always just like the like, awkward, like, ugly, funny friend.

And I think that definitely influenced me that, like when I went through puberty and I started to, like, feel better about myself. I think as much as I felt better about myself, it was just my looks, like I didn't feel better about myself inside. So I was constantly pining for, like, boy's validation and attention, and it led me down this really weird path of, like, constantly putting up with bad shit. But then it was like the thrill of them arguing with me, like having a guy like what I thought was like fighting for this. Like us screaming and then coming together in the morning.

Like, I actually felt like my worth was, like I finally found someone that cared, or that like I was like in something. Like. I had watched my friends be in. And it's like, that's just not, that's not correct, Alex. That's literally not what I deserved, but I put myself through it because I was just happy to be getting attention in the first place. And I think, as I've worked on in therapy, like, I think the reason of like the athletes and being so into, like the status. It was just more like, I started just climbing this ladder of, like, Okay, now that guy's like me. What's the best I can get, and who's the hottest I can get, and what's the coolest I can get?

Like, what's the coolest party I can get to? It's like I never actually felt overly fulfilled in these situations. It was just like healing this inner thing of me of like getting validation and like, have being seen by people. And the bigger the rooms got, the more I was like, I felt fucking alive, but emotionally I was so fucking cut off.

I was so much more interested in the material, shit that I think it's even crazy, like when I sit on, call her daddy. I talk so much now. I think about like emotional intimacy and being aware of how you feel and how you treat people. I just didn't think that way when I was younger, and I don't think a lot of people do.

Cause, like, what the fuck no one teaches us to do that shit? It's just like, go get your grades, go get your shit done, get a fucking job, move into a city, find. It's like, no one's like, Hey, how are you feeling?

And I think, had I actually stopped and asked myself that in the middle of all of this, I would have been like, like, fucking shit? I feel like I'm just someone that's like going wherever I can get attention. And I'm like, seeking out validation in ways that it's for 30 seconds, it's so quick.

I would get that validation and then I would fucking fall back on the floor and have to get myself back up. And I think I love that feeling of like, get it again, find it again. It was this like repetitive cycle, and I feel like a lot of women, I think specifically do this is like.

We're never satisfied with just being good with ourselves. We need the male validation, we need them to think we're pretty, we need to put on makeup if we leave the house.

We need to have cooler outfits than certain girls. You just go down this spiral of like, because why wouldn't we? We've literally been taught if you look this way, you're gonna get the better job, you're gonna have better friends.

You're gonna introduce the cooler group, you're gonna get into, the sorority, or the soccer team, or the whatever. You're gonna be cooler. You're gonna be liked, you're gonna be loved.

And then it hits you at one point, I don't even know when it hit me. It just hit me of like, I love myself, I love myself now. I didn't love myself then, but I'm like, who cares?

If she has a cooler outfit, or she's prettier, or she gets the guy like, Am I happy? like, find my happiness.

So daddyking imagine this ready. You've been hanging out with this guy for a while, you're broke, you're lonely.

One thing leads to another. And the next thing that you know, the toxic guy that you start dating in your 20s. All of a sudden you're living together. I get it, I've been there. Sharing rent with someone else is financially easier.

Maybe none of your friends live in the city and you don't want to live alone, or you were always spending nights at each other's places, so it just made sense. Let's just move in, it's perfect, let's move in.

It's easier. We love a little discount, we love a little come together moment of like, you take this, I'll take this.

Oh, you go get the bath stuff, I'll get the trash stuff. Like, we can totally optimize our relationship financially, let's just live together and we rationalize with, like, Yeah, I get it, Alex.

I might be living with him, but like, still, don't worry, like I know in my heart, like he's not the one. This isn't going to be long-term, like this isn't forever like, but this is what I would call sliding daddy gang.

You're making a decision without any real thought, without considering all the implications, and just going with what's easiest. In the moment, you're sliding into living with someone because logistically, it makes sense, or it's the easiest decision in the moment. But it can really end up fucking us up down the line, like, think about even just saying that.

You're in a relationship where in your gut, you know that person's probably not right for you. But you're sitting in this city and you're like, the next step is to move in together, maybe it will get better when we move in together. No, it won't, no, it won't. no, it gets worse.

It all gets worse, the more invested you get, it just gets worse. Let me be so clear, I moved in with my toxic ex, Slim Shady immediately after graduating college. It was in New York City.

I was living with him, which meant I would have a 1,000 times nicer place than I could have ever gotten on my own. Better furniture, better food. Like I wouldn't have to spend everything I made on rent. Do not get me wrong. In the beginning, it was so fun and so exciting, but living together ultimately made it so much harder to leave a toxic situation.

It had fully come to light, which I have talked about just a couple times, only a couple times, just a few, like only a few. I would say, three times, maybe. Tops on call her daddy. It came to light that Slim Shady was a fucking stereo cheater, okay?

But I was stuck, I couldn't immediately leave him because where was I gonna go and how was I gonna do that? Financially, it is expensive to get out of a lease and start fresh daddy gang, or even get a fucking lease. Okay, you can't just get one the next day.

So the point of this daddy gang is I just wanna have a moment of honesty with ourselves right now.

Are you staying with your current partner because you want to, or because it's easier? Like, really, pause and think about this, close your eyes. If money wasn't a factor, you were given the funds to break the lease. Move out, furnish the place on your own, and be completely okay with rent bills. Would you still stay?

Are you staying because you want to?

Or because you just split the price of a new sofa?

Or there's a few other options here, okay?

Are you staying because you're part of his friend group? Like, fuck, living together? Maybe you guys don't live together, but you've been in this relationship for a couple fucking years? Are you staying because it's comfortable? are you staying because you're afraid to lose his friend group?

Are you staying because you feel like you can't find better? You can literally fucking slide into marrying someone, you can slide into having kids with someone, guys like, it fucking happens. And I think, especially for women, the societal pressures of age and timeliness like these timelines creep up on us and we panic.

And we grab the fucking closest person standing next to us because we think, well, this has to be it. Like, what else? What else am I going to do? I'm fucking 30, I'm 32..

I'm 33.

Like, I'm 26, like, depending on where you live, like in the south, it's probably like, you're fucking 22. Why aren't you pregnant?

Why aren't you? Because I think at that point, if you've never experienced anything but the toxic daddy gang, you're going for it. You're just going to fucking accept it. You're going to be like, I guess, well, they're all fucked. I'm telling you, I'm telling you, as someone who was drowning in the toxic for years, it's not it.

It's so not it. I recently met a daddy gang member at the Unwell Afterparty. We had an afterparty after my fiance's movie that we were hosting in New York City. And this girl came up to me. I could just tell.

I was like, let's go, what's going on? Talk to me, like, come here. And she comes over to me and she whips out her phone to show me the texts with her boyfriend.

Also, which is just like why I love Daddy Gang. We just get right into it. She's like, Okay, bitch, here's the photos, like, here's the pictures, like, here's the text.

Like, this is the shit. Like, it's how long we've been together and she's showing me these texts that were really upsetting to read. Honestly, the bar we were at was in a basement.

And essentially, no one had fucking cell service. So her boyfriend demanded that she walk outside every 15 minutes to check in on him and continuously apologize for going to an event with her girlfriend. And for context, I asked, like, has there been history of cheating? and she's like, No, this is just the dynamic in the relationship.

That if she only she, if she does anything without him, he will call her a whore and a slut and assume that she's probably cheating on him. She also told me that when she was getting ready to leave and walk out the door. He looked at her and was like, Of course, that's what you're wearing tonight, insinuating she looked like a whore daddy gang also, just like.

Give you the visual she was wearing a v-neck t-shirt.

Just v-neck, can you fucking imagine? Every time you go to dinner with your friends, every time you go to the gym, every time you look a little fucking hot, you're going to your hot girl walk?

When I talked to this girl, I could see in her eyes, which was so upsetting to me. Like, she knew, she knew it was toxic, and I kind of said that to her. I'm like, You know this, you know this, what's stopping you from leaving?

I was like, Do you guys live together? She was like, No, I'm like, perfect. Why then?

And I'll give you the answer, because it's a really sad answer. But when I was in my own toxic era, what I found is that you almost get to the point where you stop doing things that you want and stop living your life. And this is like the most fucked up as I think about it. Like, you stop doing things that make you happy because you would rather just not go than engage in a fight. You stop going to the girl dinners.

You stop going to the group workout classes, you don't go to your close friend's birthday. If he can't come, you just basically stop doing things independently. Unless that person can be there because you don't have a life essentially anymore, that exists with, like, not within that person's guidelines. Because you're exhausted, you're just like, I don't want to hear that. Guys. Sorry, I can't go to the bar tonight because in your mind you're like, I don't want to hear it from him.

So circling back when I asked her what was holding her back from leaving, and she said the time that she's invested so far in this relationship.

She's like, won't? All the effort and the fights and the sleepless nights have been for nothing. If I just leave, like, I feel like there's got to be a way, there's going to be a breakthrough.

There's going to be.

No, no daddy gang. First of all, it abso-fucking-lutely won't have been for nothing even worse. That will be your future because those fights and the sleepless nights, they're not going to fucking just magically stop. After you hit a certain anniversary, or you get married, or you have kids, like, it's probably going to get fucking worse the longer that you're in it.

And before I make this next statement, I just want to be clear. Like, you can leave a relationship at any point in your life. No matter how much fucking time you have spent putting effort and energy and love into that relationship, at any fucking age, you can start over whenever. But this girl that I was talking to was only 24 years old, like her, sitting there, being like, he won't let me wear this.

I'm like, girl, you're fucking 24.

Run for the fucking hills, get the fuck out and start over. You have so much life ahead of you and I know sometimes it doesn't feel like that daddy gang. I know we can feel older than we are a lot of the time, but this is when you really need a reality check moment, because ultimately, this isn't even about age.

This is about your fucking worth. I don't care if you're 65 right now sitting there and you hate your husband. He is such a fucking asshole to you. You have not felt good for 30 fucking years, your kids are out of the house.

You're now with him and you're listening to this and you're like, I fucking hate him, start over. I know there's so much complexity that comes with this, but it's like, we're literally fucking here once. I hate when I have to say that because it's like, so corny, but it's like, we got one shot, you fucking deserve better.

And I know that leaving something toxic is so fucking difficult, especially if manipulation and abuse are involved. I don't ever want to fucking downplay that. But if your answer is to why you're not leaving something toxic? Is that? You're 24 years old and you're worried about starting over again, or if you're 65 years old, you're worried about starting over again? No, nope, try again. I refuse to let us accept that daddy gang.

We're no longer accepting it. And I think, take it from someone who was so fucking deep. Someone who was quite literally addicted to the toxic at one point, and also someone that was quite literally like,....

It all looked pretty good, the penthouse and the money and the things that he was giving me it all. It was like, how am I going to restart and where am I going to live? When you get out and you have distance from it and look back. I promise you show up at my fucking door and tell me if it doesn't happen, because I fucking promise you. If there's one thing I can ever fucking promise on this fucking show is the realizations are so fucking shocking. And I promise you, at one point after you leave, it fucking becomes hard to believe that that was something that you once tolerated in your life.

Because let's be fucking real, obviously, I'm not trying to downplay it. No breakup is fucking easy, none. And there's going to be the mourning process and the adjustments and the moments of doubt, and maybe even an urge to go back.

I want to normalize that. I see you, trust me, I went back multiple fucking times. The toxic can fucking do you dirty like that.

But it's like, once you do cross that threshold. And I know it's annoying because everyone's timeline is going to be different. Like some people can get over it in the first couple of months, some people it's going to take a year. Like, I can't tell you when, but when? And you will just fucking feel it because you wake up and you just feel fucking lighter and you just move differently, you're more fucking confident.

You actually like being by yourself. You start rekindling old friendships that you may have neglected during your past relationship. You speak up in work situations now something maybe that's been bothering at work.

You're like, I'm going to advocate for myself and you just find yourself doing that. And maybe you finally have time to try new things that you've always wanted to fucking do, but you couldn't. Because a fucking toxic relationship is toxic for a reason, it's fucking draining and it takes all of you to be in it. I think I'm starting to sound like an advertisement.

I'm like, Okay, well, daddy gang. Getting out of a toxic relationship may have the following, but no limited to effects of blah, blah, blah. But what I can say is, when you leave, your life will have the effects of joy. I just want you guys because I feel it. And maybe that's why I'm so passionate about it. Because I've, like, literally, like I've said, lived it. It's like, get excited to learn who you are outside of the fucking toxic, get excited to rediscover yourself.

You see people mistake the intense emotions that come with the highs and lows of toxic as love. I was one of them and I kind of understand that, because the movies and the songs, and society as a whole, it makes us. It really does make it seem like love needs to be this really intense fucking fight, that is just a motherfucking battle. They make it seem like love has to like.

Honestly, be like, low-key, scary and this giant, fucking roller coaster of emotions all the time, all the time. You need to feel the thrill, and you need to feel nervous, and you need to feel excited. And if you're not like feeling these feelings, then you're fucking dead inside and it's a safe relationship and it's fucking boring. And move on.

But I am going to let you in on a little secret today.

As corny as it sounds.

When you feel loved, you feel safe, you feel secure in your relationship, and I'm not saying you feel bored, boring and safe are not the same thing. And I think that has gotten, like, really fucking mixed up on social media. Like people make it sound like if you're in a safe relationship, look inward, like there's probably not that spark.

Dude, that's just not it. When I say a healthy relationship, a loving, healthy relationship, it should make you feel safe. I mean, that you're not fucking constantly on eggshells. You're not always worried they're gonna freak out, or just straight up leave the relationship. You're not stressing that they're fucking cheating, that they're being shady.

You're still excited by the person, you're still attracted to them, you still want to keep it fun and spicy. And like, have crazy, fucking fun sex. I'm just saying that the constant pit in your stomach and never-ending anxiety that is not fucking love. And, trust me, that isn't what you want for yourself in a relationship.

Daddy gang, It's time to want more for ourselves, and it's time specifically for you listening today. Because I feel like I'm like, girl, I'm looking in this camera, looking at you. It's time to fucking want more for yourself. It's on you at some level.

Like I said, stop putting up with it, start changing your ways. And maybe some of you have been out of the dating game for a while. Because you're like, I just go back to the same thing every time, okay, so try different things.

Go on dates, Go out of your comfort zone, don't go for the type that you've always dated, like, try different fucking things, because you will be surprised.

Like, I remember when I met Matt.

I know I've said this, but like, I literally had only dated like athletes. I had never dated someone in my industry. And I'm like, now I look back, I'm like, why didn't I date people in my industry? Maybe they would have respected my job, maybe they would have been like, Oh my God, you're so talented.

That's so amazing, show me the episode, I'm so excited for it. I dated men that were so intimidated by my success that literally made me feel like I couldn't succeed. I should make myself smaller because it would intimidate them.

Or they didn't want that, or it's all about them. It's just if you look at your patterns, start to recognize you can break a fucking pattern. It just takes one person to shift you out of it, sure, but really, it's not just that one person. It's you so daddy gang, I fucking love you, like I said, the toxic. When you're young, it's fun, but don't let it go so far. To the point that, like, that shit is just who you are. And that's just what you become, and that's just what you settle for.

Because it's a lot fucking different, getting that thrill of not getting the text to a college party instead of not getting that fucking text. When you have three fucking kids at home and he's not answering you and he's fucking someone else, there's a big fucking difference in that timeline. So really be cognizant of when and how you're about to try to start shifting into a different phase of your life. Don't fucking let it creep up on you because that shit, it's toxic for a fucking reason, like Sierra said the other week, toxic can fucking kill you.

Okay, I love you.