Conan Must Go: Cami (Argentina)

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit team.co.co.com. slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started.

Hi Cammie.

Hey Cammie.

It's Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Hi, Matt.

Hi conan, hi sona.

Sorry about Sona, she's a little messed up, but we'll get her here. Hold on.

Conan threw a box of tissues at me right before we started.

Not true. Cammie Yeah, lies, lies, all lies.

If only there was someone here who could corroborate either way.

Nope.

If only.

So, cammie.

I'm going with Sona on this one.

Thank you.

I'm sorry, Conan, I already like her, I'm sorry.

Cammie.

I already like you too, you know?

Cammie, I want to start this interview in a professional manner. It's very nice to meet you Cammie. And you are coming to us from where. where are you right now in the world?

Buenos Aires, in Argentina.

Beautiful.

Argentina, Argentina, if I said it in Spanish.

Argentina Buenos Aires, Argentina. Not bad, right?

Yeah, not bad, not bad.

Not bad. What's wrong with it? Buenos Aires, Argentina I said, Not bad.

Oh, it's superb, Conan.

There you go, thank you now, you know?

Best pronunciation I have ever heard. no words in English can pull that off.

Tell us what you do, Cammie. What is your profession?

I'm a translator, I translate and I edit.

You're a translator, this is perfect, I do. this is perfect. So are you saying that?

How so?

Well, I'm saying that, let's say I'm a man that likes to travel, let's say I was in Buenos Aires, where Buenos Aires?

Not familiar?

BUENOS Aires, Argentina. Let's say that I was there. Would you be able to help translate for me?

I would, but we have an issue.

What's that?

I told one of your producers in the pre-interview that I didn't want to meet you because I've never been to your idol.

Wait a minute. Is this true? Wait, say that again, you don't want to meet me.

Because I said, don't meet your idol, so sorry buddy.

Oh, because so you're just saying you idolize me, of course, of course, Cammie.

As well as Sana and Matt, yeah.

Yeah.

You started strong and now it just sort of petered out. No, no, no.

There's like a Thanksgiving, there's the turkey, yum, yum.

Oh, there's a little yam over here, and then there's Christmas and New Year's, yeah.

I don't eat turkey, so then there's yam, then there's a little bit of a betel nut or something. Listen, so, Cammie.

Conan I don't eat Turkey.

Okay, wow, we are not getting along, Cammie, allow me to translate.

Yeah, this is hard. I thought it was going to be amazing.

Cammie, here's the.

Of course.

Okay, and you say that you don't want to meet me because you don't want to meet one of your idols. I'm very honored that you would say that. I do think that if you met me in person, you'd be an even bigger fan.

I'm sure.

Why you shook your head? No, but we're not going to know. Listen, I'm a translator of human behavior.

So you're a man of many hats, I think.

Of many heads, hats, oh, hats. Oh, I'm sorry, thank you.

Well, maybe my English is bad.

No, no, your English is terrific. Kemi, tell me about your life, tell me a little bit about your life. And if there's any way that I can help you, because you say you're a fan, and I'd like to help you.

Okay, my life, guys is boring, very uninteresting, but I try to find the funny in it. In fact, your rant, your and Conan and Sona's rant about pens at the end of the kill, a Neill's episode that gives me life.

Oh my god.

You know, I'm having a bad day, I'll go listen to that.

The pens, you mean, the fact that I need a pilot precision grip pen. Bold, bold, bold, bold.

It has to be bold, not fine, because fine pens are stingy with the ink. Yes, talk me that.

These are the pens that I keep with me right now. These are the only pens I will use because they are generous with the ink. Oh God, the attitude of the pen is there's more where that came from.

My precious ink.

That's the fine point, pens, that's how they're behaving. Kemi, are you still a fan or did I talk you out of it during this conversation?

No, I'm still a fan, I'm still very much a fan.

But honestly, how much more you got in yet?

I think Kemi's a fan.

No, I think I'm in it for the long run.

Okay, that's it, Kemi. You say your life's boring. Why is it boring? What would spice up your life and how can I help?

Maybe the Spice girls, okay?

I know I love a 25-year-old reference. Those are fantastic.

Yeah, me too.

Yeah.

I'm 37 so.

That's very young. 37, you're young, you're very attractive, you've got your whole life ahead of you, you should be quite.

Well, very attractive, you know, yes, you are.

Yes, baby Kemi, you are a very attractive woman living in Buenos Aires. you are very desirable. Tell me about your life. Do you have a partner?

I do not have a partner, I'm single, I have friends, okay, but no benefits, just friends.

Yes, I'm married with no benefits.

Oh boy, I'm aware that you're married to a very smart woman.

She's very smart. Yes, that's a funny idea. Married with no benefits. Yeah, come on, someone, let's pitch that to the Fox Network.

Okay, okay, I'll do it, Conan, I'll pitch it.

Yeah, you should, you should. Probably. You probably have a better relationship with American television executives than I do. Kemi, So are you dating if I'm not being too personal?

I do go on dates, I get so bored guys.

Okay, what's the problem? what is it you're looking for?

Someone who can make fun of themselves, be funny.

Okay.

Like, making fun of themselves, yeah.

So you like someone who has a self-deprecating sense of humor. What about physically? What are you looking for physically?

Well, this is kind of hypocritical because I'm 5'2, but I like someone taller than 6'0. Oh.

What are you talking about? I kind of do you need a guy or a woman? I can't assume.

A guy, a guy, a guy. Okay, I date men. okay, you date men only men only older.

Wait, you date only men who are older than you and are well, of course, single single. Yeah, that one makes sense, goes without saying, but whatever.

Oh, as much as they can, and it's not creepy.

Well, okay, this is really interesting to me. What's creepy?

There's that old formula, what is it if you double take half your age?

Half your age and isn't there? There's a formula, at least popularity here, that if someone is two batmans younger than you.

Two batmans younger than you. Oh, that makes sense. Oh wait. So half of. wait a minute. Half of Kemi's age is 18 more or less. Yeah, and then you what?

And then you add, like, seven or something, seven, what is it?

Can you look this up?

Or if we're going with the dating age rule to determining the socially acceptable age difference in partners, goes something like this. Half your age plus seven plus seven to define the minimum age of a partner and your age minus seven times two.

Well, if she's 37, you multiply 37 by two, add.

No, no, can't we just go half?

Can we get NASA on the phone?

No, but she wants someone older than her.

No, no, she wants someone older than her, so you have to do it the other way. So let's just say, and I'm going to be, let me just ask, let's say that my wife was abducted by aliens, okay?

Oh, she wasn't.

Let's say, No, no, no, Kemi, please, I think that's your answer, Kemi, please.

She was abducted by a happier alternative.

The aliens came to talk to my wife and she said, Please take me with you, uh-huh, but listen.

I'm not going to be, I'm not going to be the first one to ask her that. No, I'm not going to follow up.

60 is the answer. No, no, what I'm saying is 60 is the answer for her.

So you can't go above 60.

You can't go above 60.

Oh, a bit. yeah, okay.

You're exactly 60.

I'm exactly 60.

But you're not creepy. But come on.

You just said, you just said, if you saw me, let's say you didn't know who I was. And you saw me walking down the street tall, self-deprecating. You can tell. Because I'm sort of, Oh, look at me, I'm not so great, and would you then look at me and go, Oh, but it's creepy, he's too old.

No, no, no.

I think, Oh my God, her voice, her pitch was so high. Oh my God.

I think she would be looking at you and being like, What is this person doing in Argentina? That would lead to something. Yeah, I would. I would try to give you a little some tips not to look so touristy.

Well, I love that you're just assuming that, but wait, what about my physical appearance? Is my physical appearance? forget what I'm wearing? is my physical appearance? Touristy?

Yeah, it's giving tourists.

Why?

Because I'm picturing you with a. I'm picturing you with one of those bags from the from the magazine stores in the American Airport, like news, whatever duty free bag.

Oh yeah, a duty free bag. No, no, no.

Not those the ones that are from the magazine stands, the ones that said like news stand or whatever in English.

Okay, wow, well, you idolize me and yet at the same time you think I'm a creepy old fool. Do you do you think you can play this?

I did not say that, Oh, I did not say you're a creepy old fool. Oh, your first bite, you do.

Look at us bickering like old married Cammie. I would like to help you. Because I think that, as I said, you're very, you seem like a very funny, smart. I think you're very beautiful. I think you've got your, you know, your youth, you've got so much going for you. And I think it's crazy that that Cammie has not meant the right person yet.

I would like you three to come on dates with me or even go on a date without me and just tell me.

Pre-date, pre-screen.

He's a good candidate.

Wait a minute. Yes, oh, oh, yeah, I would love that.

You know what it could be like, uh, like an America's Got Talent, or, uh, you know, like the voice, where we're the three people in the panel.

I don't think we're going to have that much, that many men.

Yes, we will. By the time we get done with this, we're going to have a lineup for you.

Cammie, you need to do a major attitude adjustment. Yeah, because, uh, I don't, you're holding a lot of great cards here, Cammie. And, uh, I think you should have a very. Is that a skeletal hand that you're wearing around your neck? It's amazing.

Yeah, I got the A person I killed, well, technically killed them. I mean, small.

Okay, I think I just found the problem. I may have. Cammie. I think I identified the problem. She's beautiful.

And it's maybe a vampire.

Yeah, I got it gold-plated after it was my first kill.

Those are real human bones, you're saying.

No, they're not, they have the shape. It was made by an Argentine sculptress and an Argentine jeweler.

It's called.

Argentine Okay, by an Argentine....

That's my favorite thing is to correct.

An Argentine?

Correct a translator who's Argentinian. I just love that and Cammie, it's called Cammie.

Cammie, Okay, Cammie, Cammie. Am I saying it right?

You're getting there, you're slowly getting there.

Why were you wearing a hat?

I don't know, I just love that. I, I love a guy who chokes on the easiest words.

Let's go back to premise one we are not meeting in real life.

Oh, come on, you're gonna like me. I have a here's what I get a lot, no but....

I'm a real follower dude, sorry.

Well, okay, I do think you will meet me someday and you'll realize it's not such a big deal. Yes, there'll be a moment where you're like, Oh my God, it's him. Oh, he's....

I'd be like, Oh, he's striking, yeah.

And then you'd go, ooh, his age, ooh, and then you'd get over that.

Wait, can I first say?

Oh.

So that's what you'd say if he showed up at your doorstep, you'd say such a sight for sore eyes.

No, I'd say, don't meet your idols, I'm a real follower, Sorry, Conan.

Okay, go away, go away. You'd close the door in his face, would you really sierra la puerta on my face?

I wouldn't open it, I have a thingy to look, so I'd be like, Whoa?

Sierra la puerta, Sierra la puerta, I'm killing it over here, I don't understand what the problem is.

I'm not opening the door, I'm looking through the little thingy.

What if he's in disguise, oh?

What if I'm wearing El Mustache?

Yeah, I think I could still tell.

You do okay, well, listen, I think someday we are going to meet, you, are going to get over it.

I don't want to hit the clubs, I'm 37..

What are you talking about?

I'm 20.

I'm much older than 37.

I will get you someone to go there with you, I haven't....

You don't like it when the music's pulsing.

I don't like crowds. What kind of a club is that?

That's such a bad club. Jesus Well, actually, that's a club that they're still working on and they're using a hydraulic drill. I wasn't....

I haven't put in a club in.

If you had your way and Conan's there and you can't avoid it, you have to do something with him. What are you going to do?

Yeah, let's get past the whole don't meet your idols, let that go, that's hurting our improv, that's gone.

Let's hear sand.

Okay, yes. If you and I were to meet in Buenos Aires and I took you out for a night to help you find a man, where do you think we would go?

Oh, I would pre-schedule a date, but you can come with me and oh, that's good.

I like that, yeah, and so you'd be looking for a tall man.

Oh, I'm hoping at least it wouldn't be boring.

Well, I mean, first of all, I don't want to crush the guy's ego. And so do you know what I mean? If you go to, it's intimidating enough to me to.. ..

Conan, Have you met middle-aged white men?

Well, yes, I have. I spent 20 years with a middle-aged white man, I was in his body. What are you talking about?

Do their egos seem like fragile?

I know, but you haven't been around white men. When they see Conan O'Brien up at the table, sometimes they get a little rattled. It happens, so I would want to build him up, yes.

I don't want to hurt your feelings, but he might not even.

Yes.

CONAN I've used that as a filter before.

Silencio, silencio, cami, silencio, cállate la boca.

Cállate la boca.

Silencio.

Trust me, guys.

I've used that as a filter.

You've used, whether you know Conan O'Brien or not, as a filter. Oh my God, Cami.

This is your problem.

This is your problem right here. That, and the fact that you're wearing a skeletal hand around your neck, they don't know. Conan O'Brien.

They don't know the love of my life, Larry David.

The love of your life? Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Would you be willing to meet Larry David?

No, no, this is my ideal scenario for a date slash relationship. He's unwed in this scenario. This is my dream scenario, so I can do whatever I want.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. You identified yourself as idolizing me. And now, within the course of like, three minutes, Conan tres minutos, you toss me over for Larry David.

CONAN It's different to idolize someone than to want to have a long-term relationship with them, where you also never meet them.

First of all, this is my dream scenario. First of all, I've hung out with Larry David. I've hung out with Larry David.

He's 76.

He's 76.

Yeah, but he's Larry David dude.

Oh, oh, oh, so Conan O'Brien's a creep because he just turned 60, but Larry David is 76, and he's all that and a bag of chips.

Conan, I see you more like a very, very, very funny person. I look forward, I look up to and like more of a fatherly figure. But not old enough to be. Oh my God.

Where she sees Larry David as a sexy contemporary, you see me as a father figure.

And you see Larry David as a potential lover.

He's 16 years older than you, he's 16 years older than me.

Cammy, cammy, Larry David could have legally driven me home from the hospital.

After I was born. And you're choosing him over me.

You have a point, you have a point, you have a point. Oh my God, point made.

Okay, go ahead.

I can't wait to hear it. Okay, let's hear the dream scenario.

Okay, he's unwed in this dream scenario and we're gonna have a date, but we keep cancelling on each other for all eternity, and that's how we're happily ever after.

Wow, you're a very sick woman, Cammy. very, very sick woman.

You say.

Yes, no inferno.

I'm sorry. What's a marriage with no benefits? Got on this?

Listen, I'm gonna tell you something. I've spent time with Larry David a lot of time. And he smells like cabbage, He just does. He has sort of a cabbage odor.

We're just cancelling on each other over the phone, so.

Okay, he has to be carried around. Did you know that they use AI for the TV show? He has a large man carrying him everywhere and he has to be seated at most functions that I've been at with Larry David.

I'm gonna take this to therapy on Wednesday.

You're gonna what?

I'm gonna take it to therapy. I'm gonna take this subject to therapy on Wednesday. Okay, you have a point.

Yeah, please.

Once again, you have a point.

Talk about this well, listen, cammy man, there's a lot of stuff to unpack here. We may meet, we may not meet.

But Conan, I don't want to go after Lisa.

It's Liza.

It's Liza, Okay, Liza.

I shouldn't reveal this, but she walked out on me about four years ago.

For Larry David.

Yeah, she's living with Larry David.

Apparently, they're all really happy.

It's a thropple.

No, no, but you need to have a woman in between, Liza and.

Whatever, I've always wanted a woman in between us, Oh what?

We've been calling for the whole day.

He's back at the club.

Oh no, you're on Hurricane Opening in 2026 about the Spice Girls and you're doing Raise the roof.

Who let the dogs out? Oh God.

Who let the dogs out?

You and I have the same musical taste. Everything begins and ends in 1994. Yeah, pretty much Cami. It's been lovely talking to you. it's been lovely talking to you guys.

Am I going to meet Tona then, too?

Well, she can't leave the country because she's here illegally, that's not true.

Thank you Cami, it's not true, you're right.

Every time I ask to see your papers, you say, I gotta go.

Who has to see papers?

What a weird way to ask for it.

Why was she at customs with you, Conan, when you were doing Conan Without Borders?

Why wasn't she with me? Are you starting to understand now? No, she may not be let back in, but anyway, listen, I sponsored her here. And we're waiting for a word from the consulate anyway. Cami, it was very nice to meet you.

No, no, no, I'm probably falling in love with the three of you guys.

Oh, you're into that, huh?

I didn't think I was that modern, you know, I didn't think I was that into weird couples of more than two people, but, you know.

You're such a conservative woman with a skeletized hand around your neck.

She wants a couple of skeleton hands on her necklace.

I don't think I would be defined as conservative, but in this regard, yeah.

Well, as they say in Argentina, in Buenos Aires, Argentina.

Argentina.

How do you say farewell? Do you just say adios? How do you like to say it?

We say chao.

Chao, chao chao.

Or goodbye Chao Chao, Chao Chao.

Chao, chao.

Chao, Then we'll never talk, we love that one, so we say, hablamos, nos vemos.

Hablamos, hablamos, yeah, hablamos.

Hablamos, hablamos, yeah.

Hablamos, hablamos. You know, yeah, exactly like that.

You too, guys, please keep doing the podcast for all eternity.

Oh, I'll listen to it with Larry Bye Chao.

Bye, guys.

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