Fun Facts About Colombia
2023-05-04 00:23:20
After 25 years at the Late Night desk, Conan realized that the only people at his holiday party are the men and women who work for him. Over the years and despite thousands of interviews, Conan has never made a real and lasting friendship with any of his celebrity guests. So, he started a podcast to do just that. Deeper, unboundedly playful, and free from FCC regulations, Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend is a weekly opportunity for Conan to hang out with the people he enjoys most and perhaps find some real friendship along the way.
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Hi David, welcome to Conan. O'Brien needs a fan.
Hey, what's up guys?
Hey David, how are you?
Oh, hello Sona, hello Matt, hello Conan. Oh, I like that little gray hair coming out of your face.
Which one of us? Yeah, it's called a beard where we live.
Yes, yes, but thank you, thank you. I admire your beard as well. You have, you have a nice.
Oh, yeah, it's, it's going, it's. It's not that great, but I have to have it until it comes out naturally good, right?
It's going to get there, give it 15 more years and you'll be fine. Exactly where are you contacting us? from? Where are you in the world?
I'm right now, I'm in Bukaramanga, Colombia.
Bukaramanga Where is Bukaramanga?
Just it's just nearby Florida, Blanca.
Perfect now I'm really. It's like it's like 30 meters south of Cucamonga and Habra Banga, I don't know.
I'm the ignorant one here, but I don't know.
Don't worry, it's one hour flight from the capital, Bogota, OK?
I was in Bogota when I was a very young boy, really, yeah. My father was on a trip for his work to visit a lot of cities in South America, and I think that one of the first stops was in Bogota, Colombia.
And I was very self-conscious because I remember all the women walking up to me and touching my hair like carrot, orange. And I had big freckles, and so women would come up and just touch my hair. Now today, I would love Fortune today.
I would love that, I would, I would pray for that, but as a boy, it sort of upset me and terrified me, made me very self-conscious. That's my only memory of Bogota.
So.
Well, it's a beautiful city, my mother lives there by the way.
OK, I think she was one of the women that touched my hair. I remember that my son David will also laugh at you.
So David, what is it? Tell me about your life? How's it going? What do you do?
Well, I'm 30 years old, I know I don't look like it, but yeah.
What do you mean? You don't look like it? I think you look like a 30-year-old guy.
Yeah, but I feel like 50, no, I'm just kidding.
Are you a club comedian? What's happening here?
I'm just kidding, all right, I'm an engineer, I'm an industrial engineer, and I have two jobs right now.
I'm currently working as a manager at a pharmaceutical company, and I work at the city planning, at the mayor's office. Oh, OK, in Florida, Blanca.
Well, you work for the city of Bucamonga.
Florida Blanca No Florida Blanca.
Oh, Florida Blanca.
Which means white Florida.
Ok.
That's kind of a.
That's redundant, very, very talk about redundant, yeah.
White Florida. So I'm curious, if you, what do you? So you work on statistics?
That's part of your job. Yes, is that fun? I mean, it sounds a little dry, it doesn't sound like it's that much fun.
Well, it's not that fun, to be honest, but the thing is that I go to the communities and I make this work with the people. I mean, I try to gather all the data, so I work on my statistics, so I have to go to all the places in the city.
Oh, so, you get to travel all around.
Exactly, yeah, yeah, it's cool. I mean, sometimes we have to go to very dangerous places, but yeah, we try to make the best.
What kind of dangerous place do you go to?
Well, the thing is that Florida Blanca has a great place that is called Barrios de Invasión. And it's the neighborhoods that people build their own houses, right? Like the favelas in Brazil, right? Yep, but we have to go there and we have to do a characterization of the population. And sometimes it can get a little dangerous.
Do you mean sometimes you feel like your life is threatened?
Basically, yes.
Because they see you as an outsider coming in, asking a lot of questions and they don't.
Like that, yeah, well, we carry a lot of equipment, a lot of laptops and cell phones, so yeah, things happen.
Oh, you get stuff maybe taken from you and things like that.
Exactly, yes.
Well, that wouldn't happen if I was around. How come? I'm very physically intimidating, huh? Okay?
Not me, I mean, just the idea of me, okay, me in person is, yeah, I'd be immediately attacked, also it'd be your reputation preceding you in people. Yeah, I'd send my resume ahead and I think that would quiet all the....
What are you just going to drop leaflets of your resume from minute C-130??
And you'd be walking with your resume around.
Yeah, no, I like Gourley's ideas. Weeks before I arrive every day, huge dumps of my resume and my work over 30 years in the business. Maybe some old Simpsons episodes. And then I show up and I'm shown the prop of respect. But yeah, short of that, I'll immediately be murdered.
So have you ever lived in the United States?
Yes, as a matter of fact, I did. In 2014, I lived in Ohio for six months.
Yeah.
Was this as a punishment of some kind? Oh, come on, it sounds like a sentence. You are to serve six months in Ohio and then you may return to your beautiful Columbia.
I have.
What did you do when you were in Ohio?
Well, the thing is that there is a program called Work and Travel that allows you to go to the United States with a visa work permit. And you work four months over there. And then you can travel for two more. Wow, so I went to Ohio, I worked at a hotel, at front desk, at a hotel called Put-in-Bay Resort.
And it was a great experience, I mean, it had really bad moments, but overall it was a great experience.
I'd like to hear about the bad moments. What was the bad moments?
Okay, I mean, the bad moments, I like to call it like the three days in hell, because-.
Sure, that does it, three whole days in hell.
Because four people came on a Tuesday, well, to check in, of course, to the hotel, and I checked them in and the guys seemed great. There were two couples, right? And on the first night, they come to the front desk really drunk. And they asked me, Hey man, can we use the jacuzzi? and I was like, No, the jacuzzi service is up until 6 p..m and it was like 10 p..m. And they keep going at it, like, come on, man, and no one's in the hotel. Because the hotel was like, dead on the weekdays, right? And I was like, saying, No, I'm not authorized to do that.
So one of the guys actually pulls up his wallet and takes out a $100 bill and says, Look, turn on the jacuzzi and I'm going to give you $100.
And well, that was the first time I got bribed.
Oh, you took it, you took it, it worked.
Yeah.
America, David.
How does it help? As soon as the bill touched my hand, I was like, Okay, how many towels do you guys need? Let me just let me turn on the bubbles.
Yeah, yeah, so what a wonderful morality tale, you just told us, David.
Yeah, exactly, exactly. So the first moment it's like you are high on dopamine like this is great, but then you feel like kind of dirty. Like, Oh my god, I just destroyed my whole integrity for $100, right? So that happened on the first night, right? I felt bad about it. On the second night. They come up to me exactly like 10 or 12, 12 p..m.
And they go like, Hey, we're going to use the golf cart? Can we use the golf cart? and I'm like, No, no. The service for the golf cart is up until 5 p..m. It goes again, takes out his wallet and gives me a $50 and I'm like, Oh, come on, man, just take out the goddamn golf cart, yeah.
Also, your weight is $100.
Yeah.
First of all, why'd you go down?
You went down to $50.
You're going to give a drunk people at night access to a golf cart and you're only getting $50??
And that's not the worst part. They actually lost the golf cart if I have to look for it.
Well, wait a minute now I feel like I got to go to Ohio and find these people. Yeah, oh, that's a whole other thing.
What they don't tell you is that all the golf carts have the same key. So the golf cart got stolen and someone drove it and left it on the beach.
Let me ask you a question, David, were you blamed for any of this? Did your employer get angry with you?
No, I hope they don't see this.
Well, you don't work there anymore.
Yeah, you're safe.
Yeah, I don't work there.
You're very far from Ohio and I don't think.
Yeah, but I really feel bad about that. Yeah, those are the only two times I've got bribe in my life.
Well, I want to go for a third, yeah.
Not going to bribe him to do a spitball.
I don't know. Good question, eat those flowers.
I'd want to see the money first from this guy.
So what are your passions in life, David? What do you? what do you really love?
OK, OK, I love to play tennis. As a matter of fact, I tried to go pro when I was 16, it was it was really complicated, yeah.
I mean, I play with the best players here in Colombia and they destroyed me so well. I gave up on that dream really fast. That's OK.
I mean, it's it's good that you found out then. I pursued, you know, professional football for way too long before I realized I was no good at it. Well into my late 30s, I was still.
He just kept putting on the uniform.
Yeah, I'd put on the uniform and videotape myself in the uniform eating a bowl of oatmeal. And then I would send that around to all the top teams. And it never really got no bites. But eventually, I had to learn, I had to learn.
I also like movies, I like TV shows, movies, and, as a matter of fact, my brother.
Started like, cinematography, is it like, is that? is that the word? that's it? yeah.
So he, he studied that here in Colombia, and he tried to look for a job in that, in that thing, but he didn't. Didn't find it. So he had to travel. He left Colombia and now he's currently living in California.
Oh well, yes, there's much more of that kind of work here in California.
So, yeah, so he's trying to make him, he's trying to make movies over there. I don't know if you guys have heard about him. His name is James Cameron.
I'm going to pay you a hundred dollars to stop making jokes.
He got me, No, that one got me.
I'm sorry, Yeah, I'm sorry.
But yeah, but the California part, the California part is real.
He's, I don't know what's real with you anymore. You're a shapeshifter one minute, you're a city planner.
You're doing valuable work for the government, but then you're running the front desk at some cheesy motel in Ohio, taking bribes. You're all over the map, you're a tennis star or are you? Who knows? I don't know who you are?
And I also play the piano concert, by the way.
What's your favorite kind of music?
Yeah, well, I listen to everything. I mean, I can listen to reggaeton, but I can also listen to heavy metal, do metal, yeah, death metal.
Oh, you like death metal?
That that that can arrange what's your favorite?
What are your favorite bands? your favorite death metal bands?
Oh, death metal bands, Well, I like, I wouldn't say Slipknot is a death metal band.
Oh, slipknot. They used to come on my show regularly. I like those guys really. Yeah, yeah.
They were, they were terrific, they put on a great show.
But they're just regular metal, they're not death metal.
Yeah, they're like, they're like power metal. Yeah, I mean death metal.
M.M. Dr. Acula It's a death metal band.
Oh, I see what they're doing there. Dr. ACULA Yeah, I see it, but I see what's happening.
Let me see their Yeah, and There's their other band is Frank Middle initial N. Stein.
And Stein No, really, that's the name.
Yeah, Frank N Stein Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for orthopedic Surgeon Frank Middle initial N Stein.
Two, three, four death, death, die, die.
Is that what you think death metal is? Did it just say death over it? Did it just say death and die? Yeah, death, die, die, die, die, death, death, rot, rot, rot, rot. You're in a never ending hole.
There is no nothing in the future.
Black, this, black, this death, death, death. Do you have a new favorite death metal artist David?
David Come on, that was pretty good.
Oh, well, well, you have to go a little bit down, like.
Can you affect my voice? Eduardo Yeah, I want to try and do this. This is a new death metal band called Dr. Orthopedic Surgeon Frank N. Stein.
I can do it in post if you want.
Yeah, we'll do it in post, we're going down now, right? Heavy metal, heavy metal, death, death, death, death, die, die, die, die, rot, rot, rot, rot, rot.
There is no light in the future.
You're in your coffin and you're dead, and you're dead, and you're in your coffin, dead.
Yeah, that sounds amazing.
That's it.
And that's a ballad that was great.
Wow, so you like your your, you like your death metal.
Do you do mosh pits? Yeah, like, do you go to concerts? and do you do mosh pits?
Well, I used to, not anymore, to be honest, I haven't. I haven't been in a mosh pit in like, 10 years.
Yeah, they've changed.
Yeah.
The whole husband is big on mosh pits.
Oh, ok, well, yeah, and so is Matt Matt O'Brien, your head writer likes to mosh it up.
It was a nephew that I had to hire.
Oh, ok, yeah, well, you know, they, they, they like to mosh it up, moshing, but apparently there's, you know, you're not supposed to.
I don't think it's mosh moshing, I think it's pitting. Oh, I think there's like a vernacular that goes with it. OK, wow, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, David, I noticed that you wandered off.
Oh, no, yeah, I was just I was just trying to charge my computer.
Can we bribe you to come back? No, it's a really good time to check on your electronics. These two, I'm sorry we had a good thing on Mosh Pits and then suddenly we're talking about all these people.
They don't know.
And wow, what an incredible sack. Anyway, I'm stuck in a hell of my own making, David.
Three days.
I would love to be touring those dangerous areas with you.
Yeah, that would be awesome. As a matter of fact, I have I look for four like fun facts about Colombia and I have them right here. Oh, wow.
One is that right here.
Look at that you live there.
I just wanted to. I would just want to be completely sure about them. One is that Colombia is the most biodiverse country in the world.
Oh wow, that's exciting.
I mean, there's always a struggle against Brazil, who's the most biodiverse?
I know, and I'm tired of that old feud. Yeah, yeah, I can't take it anymore for my money.
No, when I travel, I always say, Honey, is this place biodiverse? And exactly, yeah.
What's next? How many species do they have?
They have, we have 4000 species of orchids, so I'll see.
David and David.
You're not helping Colombia right now.
That's also a sub fact of the last fact.
Yeah, that's yeah.
Well, yeah, that's true.
That's OK, what's the next one? There are more greater variety of otter.
What's the third one? Oh, I mean, it's a fun fact. And for like, 1500 orchids that only can be found in Colombia.
Yeah, yeah, I've been looking.
OK, what's number three?
It's the country with the most precipitation per year.
Wow, I've got to get there. There's orchids, biodiversity and constant rain, constant rain.
Oh, I can't wait for number four.
Oh, number four is going to be this, no, but it's going to be the one that seals the deal, that's right. Yeah, yeah.
But yeah, it's a beautiful country, it has beautiful beaches.
We went to What's number four? Oh wait, even you got to work, I'm not.
The fourth one is we have the most bird diversity.
Oh, you're also the most diverse in your diversity.
Yeah, but you don't have very much diversity in your fun facts.
No, I'm sorry.
I'm all about that orchid one.
I'm sorry, I looked for them 10 minutes ago, I know it's OK.
Sounds like you prepared more than most people do.
Yeah, that to you, I think you just lost your government job.
Well, David, you seem like a really nice guy, you really do, and I'm glad you know us through the podcast. Is that how you know us?
No, as a matter of fact, I I've been a huge fan since, like your Days in the Simpsons. Oh, wow, as a matter of fact, yeah.
Yeah, exactly. And I was able to watch your show when I lived in Ohio. That was the first time I watched your show and I've been following ever since on YouTube.
Oh, cool, great. Well, I'm glad you're checking it out.
And I'm glad you'll emigrate to America. Is to try and catch up on what I'm up to. That's a statistic that I don't want you to look into. That's just trust me on that.
Yeah, and I, I love the remote.
Oh, thanks.
And I always, yeah, I always thought about you coming here to Colombia and making it like a really great remote.
What would the remote be about if I came to Colombia?
Orchid searching, Right? No, I think it would be.
What kind of things could you imagine? And you say you're familiar with my style of comedy and the kind of remotes I do. What do you think I'd be doing if I came to Columbia?
Okay, first, we would have to go to the beaches, I mean, they're beautiful.
And girls would love to see a six foot tall man, really white guy, on the beach with little shorts.
I don't think that I think they'd be amused, but I think that's the extent to which they would like it.
They'll come rub your head. Yeah, oh true.
Yeah, wasn't when I was younger, but now I think I'm in the right age.
We would go to Bogota and we would try to go into a telenovela, which is really big here in Columbia. Cool, we would go, if it's possible, to the Amazon. I mean, we have a big chunk of the Amazon and it's beautiful, really, biodiverse.
Yes.
So you and I would get, would we get in a canoe and go down? would we go down the river? The Amazon? Yeah, exactly.
And see the pink dolphins, we have pink dolphins by the way.
Oh, why, what happened?
Diversity? What happened, what happened to them, I don't know.
You know what? Someone was washing them and put a red t-shirt in there. Oh, come on.
That's what happened. That's how you get a pink.
Who put the red shirt in here? Sure, well, listen, David, it's been very nice getting to chat with you. You seem like a nice young man. I think you're doing good work.
Be careful in those dangerous spots, look after yourself.
And try to enjoy some of what Columbia has to offer.
The orchids. Yeah, I will.
Pink dolphins, more types of orchids, and then other orchids.
The Birds.
The birds, the rain. Is it raining right now where you are?
Not really, it's really sunny.
Yeah, it will rain very soon. Yeah, because I've heard your precipitation is off the charts.
Exactly.
Well, nice talking to you David, really. And I hope our paths cross one day we'll have a good time.
Yeah, as a matter of fact, one last thing that I want to say is that my brother's getting married in California in March 25.
And I'm going to be over there and I just wanted to shout out to my brother and Lauren. I'm really happy for you guys, so that's it.
Oh, that's so sweet, that's so sweet.
That's nice, that's really nice.
All right, well.
You guys are invited to the wedding, okay? Oh, that's sweet.
Wow, where is it at?
Yeah, where's the wedding going to be?
It's in Oakland.
Oh, okay, well, anyway.
Yeah.
Best of luck, David. All right, thank you and I hope you have a great time at the wedding.
Hey, thank you very much. it was such a pleasure to meet you guys.
Thanks for having me, bye-bye, bye-bye.
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