Summer S’mores with Conan and the Chill Chums Season 3 Episode 3

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Summer S'Mores With Conan and the Chill Chums a six-part series with Conan O'Brien, Sona Movsesian and Matt Gorley. Let's get started.

Welcome back to episode three of Summer S'mores with Conan and the Chill Chums. We're gonna refill our drinks, and then tonight in this episode, we're eating pizza.

Yes, now a lot of people think a podcast, it's sort of an audio experience. What would the excitement be of listening to people eat pizza? Let me tell you something no one enjoys a freshly cooked homemade pie. Like, I do, you're gonna hear me have maximum orgasmic.

Oh, come on.

No, you ruined it, you were setting the whole tone of it.

I don't wanna eat gooey cheese pizza. When you talk about it like that, what I mean by orgasmic is not in the crude way that you guys thought. What I'm talking about is you're gonna hear me. At my heightened sense of food glory, I'm gonna be tasting this pizza because I love a good pizza.

Good because you're going tonight.

Oh well, guess what, I'm okay. I've had a good one, but I would say so. This is, I think, a good audio experience for people. You're gonna hear me really chewing, swallowing, and you're gonna hear my digestive juices.

What is the opposite of erotic? I feel like you just sterilized me.

Well, first of all, you're welcome because you-.

You're a de-fluffer.

I'm a de-fluffer.

You could just call them.

You know what, I hadn't thought of that.

Well, let's talk about that. We were able to order our ideal pizzas. So Conan, why don't you tell us what your toppings are?

I'm gonna take a cue from someone some of you may know named Jordan Slansky, Jordan Slansky. I've done many, many, many remotes with him. He's a famous irritant in my life, but on some things he's correct. And he said one thing to me, of the 10,000 things he said to me. There was one thing that stuck to me as true, which is the true test of a pizza, is that it should be a margarita pizza.

I like mushrooms and just a dash of your intestinal juices.

You realize a mushroom is a fungus that's found in the forest. What do you really like a mushroom on your pizza?

I don't like mushroom on anything but pizza and pasta, but cheese is basically a fermented, curdled milk.

I'm fine with that, I don't care, don't talk to me, don't diss my cheese.

I mean, he's just taking your logic and applying it back to you and what you like.

I can't even hear you, son, on my headset when you speak, it doesn't work. What? No, I don't understand.

How are you responding to her? I know how are you?

You just responded to what I said, Well, I'm responding to your hand signals. Oh, but anyway.

You just responded directly to my question.

Goddammit, this goddamn headset is so sexist.

In all honesty, what? Thank you for being honest.

What were you gonna say?

In all honesty, what was it? What bare confessional are you about to do?

What happened in all honesty? What, please?

Yeah, lay it bare, yeah.

I'm sorry, it's just too much bullshit tonight. I don't know. I'm just saying that. I like to be a purist about things. And so mushrooms, I wasn't finished.

Diss the mushroom community.

Listen, brave stance.

You don't want to get canceled. Brave stance, yeah.

By the mushroom people.

Don't upset Mario and Luigi, man.

The country is divided between mushroom and non-mushroom.

And there's mushrooms in the game, Sona.

Oh, that makes sense.

Yeah, I'm not a huge texture guy, but.

It's a little slippery.

But when you get the cheese in there.

My brother Neil makes me crazy because he calls it Basil.

Why does he do that?

Just to annoy me, like the British name, No, exactly. And he says things like, Are you going to have some basil with that? and I'll say it's basil.

How do you know he's wrong?

He's wrong.

He's wrong.

Okay.

Trust me, but he might be right.

We might all be pronouncing Basil wrong, he might be right with Basil. Thanks Neil.

Why are you such a devil's advocate for Basil?

I don't know, I just think that you're just shitting on your brother right now and he's not even here to defend himself.

Hey, listen.

I like Neil.

I'll go further, I love Neil, but it's basil, I'll go further.

I'm sexually attracted to Neil.

Well, look, cheers Neil, you seem to have won the evening. He's listening right now on a curved top radio.

Okay, yeah, point taken.

So you've got mushroom, what else?

Little tomato chunks and basil, excuse me, basil, Jesus Christ.

And it's tomato chunks. Here we go. And what do you got, Sona?

I got pepperoni.

I got olives.

I got mushroom and that's it.

Boy, we are an adventurous group.

I thought you were going to keep going.

I know I did, too, I thought I had more in me.

I got hummus. why is it always hummus?

You love Hummus?

Why do you always bring up hummus? Do you love hummus? Do you love hummus? I do, but who eats it on a pizza? What's wrong with you?

No, you can't say, admit. You like hummus. that says you could say to anybody every time you talk about food, I like, you bring up hummus, and I don't know why you do that.

Because you call it hummus, first of all, you do. I call it hummus, which is what it is. It's hummus, it's hummus.

Yeah, I just pronounce it less white than you do.

Okay, man, it's getting intense around here.

You're the one who's, like, all up on the mushrooms.

Thank you.

And I've got mushrooms on mine. I just feel like you're coming from a place that's very-.

Yeah, mushroom kids unite.

Yeah, I got a little judge reinhold going and I got to take it easy.

Fast times.

Oh man, fast times don't get me started.

Yeah, the one with Fred Savage, where they swap bodies.

Wait, what, what?

The Body Swap movie with Fred Savage and Judge Reinhold.

You know how many bodies swap movies have there been? There've been at least 15..

My wife and I considered a podcast run called Potty Swap, where we covered them all.

And then what happened? One of you sobered up.

Both of us immediately went, That's a horrible idea.

Do you realize child services would come and take your daughter away from you? We're going to do potty swap. It's all about wee-ah, wee-ah, knock, knock, knock. Is your daughter here? Yeah, she's over there.

That's so right, gross.

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Pepperoni, olive, mushroom.

Yeah, you've told us.

Yeah, we got it.

Oh, there is hummus.

Oh, you said, Hummus? Wait, seriously, I knew it. is there really Hummus on there?

There really is hummus on there, No, there isn't hummus.

Oh, okay, come on.

Hey Sona, sona, admit, you know, the way they can inject cheese into the crust in some pizzas.

Don't say it.

No, I'm going to admit, just think for a second. If they could put, if they could put a delicious hummus into the crust, would you like to try that?

No, I would not. That sounds disgusting, it doesn't, it does.

Hummus is great.

Pizza crust is like pita bread, exactly.

Would you guys do it? Yes, because it's basically bread with pita. Okay, I'm sorry, bread with hummus if we're going to eat it.

Can you guys put hummus in their crust?

Did you ask them? Everyone's gone? Oh yeah, Oh yeah. does someone here? I'm sorry, I'm just assuming someone here has a hypodermic needle filled with hummus. What are you talking about?

You owe me an apology.

You know, I love you, I'm hugging a gorilla.

You owe me an apology.

I do, I do, and I've owed you an apology for many years, and you're never getting it for real.

All right, well, you're not getting one from me.

Let's talk about how-.

Let's get these pizzas in here.

Well, first of all, don't we need to mention how we're getting these pizzas?

Well, the solo stove pie.

The solo stove pie. It's incredible, it looks like a very friendly robot over there, and it looks like something that can easily be moved around. You could throw it in the back of a car, you could take it anywhere you go, and it makes you a nice pizza.

What would it sound like if it could talk?

Hello, how are you? Oh my God, is that Conan O'Brien? Take it easy, I'm just a pizza stove, but he's one of the best, he's a genius.

Those are the mushroom kids.

I love them, they may not be comedy geniuses, but they like mushrooms and I'm okay with that. Would you introduce our guest? Please? yes.

Hi guys, wow, this is exciting. So we've got the raw pizzas here. Come on in DG GD DG Chris.

DG and Chris have just walked in and you guys come to us through solo stove. Is that correct? Yeah, and you're both dressed in festive wear, I wish you had dressed up a little more.

No talk into that mic behind you, we'll step back. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How about that? So, DG Tell me, what are you holding there?

So I believe this is your pizza.

Looks like mine.

It is a purist pizza, it is we have Neapolitan dough, tomato sauce.

Yay.

DG Thank you, Neal, Neal, Neal, Neal, Neal, Neal, Neal, neal, neal. shout out to my brother Neal. Brookline, Massachusetts, Brookline.

I do.

Okay, and have you had much practice with this particular stove?

Yes, a lot of practice. This is the only stove I use.

Okay, terrific. Wow, all right. You seem like a great advocate for this. It's called this solo.

It's called the Pie, yeah, we launched it on PI day 3-14. Oh.

Because it's actually spelled P-I, right? Yeah, exactly.

It's a play on words, obviously, right? But yeah, pie, this is the pie.

That's because of PI the equation. Well, what is it?

Can you tell me what the equation is? Yeah, all the digits.

8675309.

Oh, that's a great reference, too. Hey, if you want to-.

Okay, judge, reinhold.

I'm just telling you that we're all in the same boat and we're going down together.

Also that solo stove-.

Hey, if you enjoyed 1982, hang out with these three guys. Listen, thank you so much and tell me. Is it easy to make with this particular oven?

There's a learning curve when you're cooking with pizza, especially with an oven that gets to 900 degrees, but-.

Did you say 900 degrees?

900 degrees, so it gets up to. I've actually got it to 1000, no wind, 110 degrees. In the summer, we have an infrared thermometer, I've gotten it to about 1050 degrees.

Now does that mean, if it's at such a high temperature and you put the pizza in, do you have to immediately remove it?

You got to immediately turn it, so it's all about turning it, so you see there's no stone in here, so you got to turn it. I will say 1050 is not what you want to cook it at. We figure the best temperature is about 750..

DG Let me ask you quickly, and if it's okay, I'd like to call you DG.

That's totally fine.

That's exactly how he introduced himself, it's what he wants to be called. Yeah, that's yeah.

Yeah, DG Yes, if you don't mind, and I'm going to call you DG despite your protestations, that I not.

A nanosecond, yes, I would say. We cook these in about 80 seconds at about 750, so if you do the math right 3000, your time's in it by five, so divided by 580 a nanosecond. You can get there.

If you're by the sun, can't you just hold it out and the sun can cook it?

No, you can't stand that close to the sun because there's nowhere to stand.

Yeah, listen.

Where's the oven?

Sona I introduced a very intelligent, scientific conversation, and then you ruined it with your blithering, blathering.

In the Sun kitchen.

Thank you.

Solar powered pizza, I like it.

Yes.

Okay, so let's cook it up. D.G. Now you're going to put mine in, and how do you? how do you turn it?

Do you bless it at all?

Yeah, here I'll show you we got the turn. Do you bless it?

Did you say bless? I've blessed it already.

Bless the pizza or bless the oven?

Please, are we going to watch or are we going to turn them?

Okay, here we go, so first we do a shimmy and shake.

Shimmy and shake Hey, you're talking about my wedding night? That doesn't make any sense.

It moves on the peel because if not, that's the hardest thing it sticks, so you want to make sure it moves freely like this.

Now, have you put flour down on that? Is that what you did?

Flour We used semolina flour.

Of course, of course. Well, I didn't need. I thought that went without saying, Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Semolina Flour. I would have done the same thing.

It's for the listeners.

So okay, you put it in, and now?

The clock is ticking.

Now, do you go by your watch or do you go by visual? Don't distract him.

It's actually by the back of the crust, so you wait for it to kind of raise up in the back because that's the hottest part of the oven. It starts, it's called leoparding, that you get the crust of leopard, and as you see that, that's when you start turning it.

Okay.

Yeah, so we'll heat up this right here.

It's okay if you mess that one up, that's Conan's.

Yeah, yeah, could we start with his? You know what? I don't like mine being first? Yeah, I do, you know, the first pancake is always kind of a disaster.

But yours is the most basic, that's like a beginner pizza for babies.

Oh, please, you put a bunch of fungus on top of it, basically, a dead tree fell on yours. It's cultured, okay?

Just turning up the heat so you can.

Are you seeing DG? Yes, if I can call you DG, and I hope that's not overly familiar, although it is the term you asked us to use, DG. Are you seeing Leoparding? Yeah.

It's the crust, so you get those dark spots.

Yes, the dark spots, that's what I mean, the spots on the crust.

The spots on the crust Sorry, yeah, Spots on the crust is leoparding.

Oh, there she is, that is beautiful now. Okay, don't be afraid to be in there a little longer for me.

We'll leave it at you, like it crispy, a little extra crispy, or.

No, I don't, I just want to make you unhappy. No, I think it's good. I think what you're doing is good. DG.

You do you.

DG What's DG short for?

So last name is Dgiovanni.

Oh, listen, of course.

Of course, right.

But listen, you should have said that you're making pizza. You should have said my name dad Giovanni. What's your first name? His name is Peter.

He butchered it.

Oh, quiet.

He butchered it so bad.

This is looking amazing.

Is it looking good?

It's looking really good and you know what, I can smell it from here, too. It smells amazing, oh.

Oh, look at that, yeah.

There we go.

Wow, and then Chris is ready with the assist.

There we go, that's gonna have to cool for about six hours. You basically just put that into a nuclear fusion reactor, what did you just do? What the fuck?

What was that?

What was that? Just putting another log on the fire? Oh my God.

You gotta explain that people are listening, they're not watching, so for all they know, you just fell off the balcony.

Well, no, I just put a log on the fire.

Okay, all right. well, we gotta explain what you're doing.

It's all right, the people know.

I don't think they do.

We don't forget about the fire.

Yeah, thank you very much. D.G. That looks fantastic. I think we should move on to these idiot's pizzas.

Why are you laughing? Why are you laughing at that?

That's because we are idiots.

Cheers, yum, yum yum, here we go. I can't wait. I love it when the juice, juice, juice, juice, juice, juice.

Whose is that?

That looks like yours because it's got basil on it.

Oh yeah, and basil.

Yeah.

Did you guys, were you able to find a hummus hypodermic needle?

We do.

You know what?

It sounded pretty good.

Most good chefs-.

It did not sound good. DG.

You're lying. Most good chefs always have a hypodermic with hummus in it. Occasionally there's a mishap where someone's having a heart attack and they're like, quick, grab the hypodermic, what do you? And they inject hummus directly into the heart.

And that saves the heart from the attack.

No, it's a mistake, it's a terrible mistake. They die instantly, but then everyone has a wonderful time eating the hummus. Forget it.

Yeah, comeback of your face.

Okay, what's happening? Yeah, comeback on your face bro. Okay, I know it's there.

Well, I'm just in general like, baseline, you're not fine.

No, no, no, I know Baseline, I'm not fine, but my chemistry has not been altered. Sona, you are three sheets to the wind.

I'm not three sheets.

Oh, hold on.

Oh.

I'm just like, I'm drinking a little quicker than I usually normally do, just because it's a great drink and you can't taint it.

No, it's a great drink and you can't taint it now. That is an advertising slogan every liquor company wants now.

You can't taint it.

That flavor's so good you can taint it.

Your taint can taint it.

Okay, sona.

Okay.

Drunk sona is funk sona, it's good.

All right, no, I'm fine, I'm in a good place.

She's in a really good place now. Listen up to the kids tonight, they're here.

I don't know.

Before the show, when you and I were down the street, you had a lovely conversation. I think your husband's there and I believe your father's there as well.

No, my in-laws are watching the babies and Tack is at his karate practice and-.

Has he ever used karate in real life? Has he ever been attacked by a bunch of ninjas in the street or anything?

Okay, you don't-.

I'm asking a real question.

Can I weigh in on this? I rode in with Sona today and I was riding in the passenger seat and in the dashboard there was a solid block of mahogany wood. And I went, What's this for? And she said, Sometimes when tack drives, he just puts that on his lap and punches it.

Oh my god.

That's impressive.

I'm wondering, Have you ever seen it in action?

I mean, I've seen him do karate when I've gone to exhibitions and stuff. But if you're talking about, are we walking down a dark alley? And someone jumps out and is like, give me all your money, and then he's like, karate?

Chop, chop, chop.

Why not?

That's not you don't-.

You're supposed to.

Karate is not saying chop, chop, chop, yes, it is.

You're supposed to say, chop, chop, chop, chop.

My point is there's a part of me that's a little curious. Yeah, I kind of want to attack your husband just to see what would happen.

He would brutally beat you.

Do you really think so?

But I also don't think you need any karate training to brutally beat you.

What if we went and did a home invasion tonight at their house, yeah.

So when he was-.

You know what's really great?

Oh, why? because they have guns.

They have a lot of guns, their guns have guns.

He went out of town and I went to go get a weapon to protect myself and he had a sword. So I was sleeping and I had a sword next to me the whole time. But if anyone ever broke into my house?

What did I tell you earlier today? That there's a certain friend of mine who's also known, he's in the public eye, who regularly gifts me weapons? We're talking about Joel McHale.

Yes.

Joel McHale Every Christmas gives me a deadly weapon. But they're all kind of interesting, like Weird Blades and crazy Samurai swords. And a mace. He gave me a modern day mace that you could, you know, hit someone with.

A stick and a ball with spikes.

Yes, exactly, I'm in my house, so crooks, robbers and ruffians beware, I'm armed with a Joel McHale armory of stilettos, blades, bashers and smashers. Oh, look, our pizzas are ready. Oh, thank God.

Oh, what do you call that?

Growth.

A pizza wart.

A pizza wart.

Yeah, one of the pizzas looks like it needs surgery.

Is that my guy? yeah.

Do I just take the whole thing? Oh my god, it looks really nice.

I'm gonna fuck this pizza up.

Sona, Just take it easy.

I'm gonna marry this pizza in a courthouse wedding.

I want to write this pizza, a letter stating my intentions and hoping I get an affirmative response.

Let's hear you chew them, Eduardo.

It's a goat's head. We were gonna get, Oh, God, help me.

That's delicious.

That is very good, gentlemen. Okay, Gigi, Chris, this is really good, thank you.

I love pizza, I love pizza all day.

I can't believe your songwriting career never took off.

Thank you.

But not too crispy.

I like it a little chewy.

Huh.

Yeah, you heard me.

Well, I said chewy, which was a good thing, and then you said, I like it, chewy. And that's like me saying, You know, my wife, she's very pretty. I like pretty women. What's wrong with pretty women?

Look, just lay off.

Okay, I'll get you some, no hang out here.

They sold the pie. It's not us, yeah.

DG and Chris, Thank you guys.

Thank you guys.

Can I do this if I don't know how to make pizzas? Yes, okay.

Yeah, a hundred percent. There's a little learning curve. I wouldn't throw a party and start making pizzas for 30 people. Do it by yourself, do a couple of trial runs and then you can do that. Should I open a business?

I did that, I opened a pizza restaurant, and I have never made a pizza before, and I did it in New York. It's like a very intense area where there's a lot of competition and I had never tried it before. And guess what?

Yeah.

This is a celebrity scoop.

Next episode, we're going to get deep into the world of pizza art with special guest my sister-in-law Sarah Lund.

Thank you Sarah gentlemen. I salute you. thank you. we will see you next time. Don't miss out on this.

Summer S'Mores with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Ovsessian and Matt Gourley Produced by M.e. Matt Gourley executive produced by Adam Sachs. Nick Liao and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.