Summer S’mores with Conan and the Chill Chums Season 3 Episode 6
2023-08-31 00:24:44
After 25 years at the Late Night desk, Conan realized that the only people at his holiday party are the men and women who work for him. Over the years and despite thousands of interviews, Conan has never made a real and lasting friendship with any of his celebrity guests. So, he started a podcast to do just that. Deeper, unboundedly playful, and free from FCC regulations, Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend is a weekly opportunity for Conan to hang out with the people he enjoys most and perhaps find some real friendship along the way.
This special episode of Summer S'mores.
Is presented by Solo Stove.
Solo Stove is uniquely designed to burn off smoke before it ever escapes the top of the fire pit. Trust us, once you've sat around a smokeless fire, you'll never want to go back. Go check them out at Solostove.com. Use promo code CONAN to get $10 off your new pit.
Summer S'mores With Conan and the Chill Chums a six-part series with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Obsessian and Matt Gorley. Let's get started.
Hey there, welcome to the final installment, 2023 Summer S'mores. This is kind of the post-game, the wrap-up. It's been a couple of days, we've all had time to think about our actions.
To check on the police records, to view the hidden cameras. And, you know, I think of this as one of those episodes they have after a reality show is done, when they get everyone together.
The reunions.
The reunions and they're all on stage.
We don't look as nice.
I know, but the point is we talk about how Sona lost her shit and screamed at me. And then, you know, Gorley and I made out, but we didn't tell Bridget, I just made up that name.
You'd be terrible on a reality show.
You know what would be happening on any reality show? I would just be I'd want to work out and I'd want to get my sleep and I'd rehydrate a lot. And the producers would keep nudging me and saying, don't you want to go over there and flirt with the girl and then have a fight with that guy? And I'd be like, Nah, it just seems kind of awkward.
Wait, there are cameras and you're not going up against the cameras like you'd be so drawn to the cameras.
Like a moth to flame, No, no. I'd be sitting at a desk, working on something and then occasionally mugging at a camera and making little faces. And thinking that that in any way competes with two young people doing it.
Rolling around together and I'd be like, Yeah, they can roll around all they want with their fantastic naked bodies that are slightly blurred. But here I am, reading Samuel Johnson's version of the dictionary and making my groucho faces to the camera. And then pausing to rehydrate before eight and a half hours of sleep, nothing less, the doctor says.
And then, finally, at some point, they would convince someone to come up to me and go like, Hey, Conan, do you want to make out? I'd rather not cooties, I wear a wedding ring. This is my bond to my betrothed, back to my Samuel Johnson. Anyway, let's get into it.
Do you want to recap, Gorley? I thought it was first of all, I thought I want to say a couple of things. I thought the pizza was delicious, the drinks were amazing, quite potent. Want to talk about what? Give us your blow-by-blow?
Well, I think they were. Maybe I don't know if they were stronger this year or I was more susceptible, but I got a little sloppier this year than last time, I think.
I got fucked up.
Yeah, you did. Yeah, I did, yeah, but it was nice. I really like that Sona, I like all Sonas, but that one you don't have a bad drink personality.
Some people, demons come out.
Conan would disagree.
No, no, no, no, you're very nice and friendly. When you imbibe a sweetness, there's a sweet person there.
But don't we? We've had, we've fought? I've gone after you.
Well, yeah, physically, you physically attack. yeah, not often, sort of like any animal when threatened.
No, you have, but I don't think so. I think you're actually very, very nice. I think most of the times that you and I have had a real argument, or I've seen you lose your temper. Alcohol wasn't involved at all.
You might be right.
It's just you see red when you see red, and then you don't contain yourself. And mostly, I've seen you go after other people, not me, which is fun. I like it when it's not me.
Oh, no, you don't you get embarrassed because you're there with me?
I just distance myself very quickly and I say, What can you do? She has rabies, you know?
She was bit by a very sick rabbit last week.
I drove here but did not drive back. That's how that's where I was. I took a lift home.
Yeah, well, I thought, because we're all gonna be sampling ahead of time. I mean, I made the plan to get a lift here and then get a lift home. So I just knew that because I'd be having some alcohol, like, let's not even mess with that here and there.
Oh, I'm responsible.
Well, I'm sorry, but yeah.
I didn't leave my car here.
Wait, so you're saying that you, you're saying Sona, that you thought there's a chance that you might not drink?
Yeah, I really, that's bullshit. I legitimately thought I would be okay, especially since we were eating pizza.
That's like, Sid, Vicious saying.
I'll take, I'll be all right, come on, I'll be fine.
You know what's hilarious? I rode in with Sona, knowing exactly that I could get a ride home from my wife, who was coming in thinking I'm not driving home. There's no way. And Sona was my ride in.
It's remarkable. So did you leave your car here? I did, yeah.
And I was prepared for a ticket, but I, that's how I did it. When I was younger, I would drive somewhere, leave my car there and come. I've had my car towed three times, right? Like, that's just part of the world.
You just.
I love that you could have that kind of reckless abandon, yeah.
You, you probably, if you had to, you would leave your car somewhere.
Yeah, now, but when I was younger, I would have been worried about it being towed.
Oh, but if it's towed, you just find out where it's towed and then you get it back.
You make it sound so reasonable.
Yeah, and you make it sound enjoyable. That's the worst I've had to do that.
Not enjoyable, you just leave your car places.
And then they tow it, and you find out where it was towed, yeah.
Did your car get towed or ticketed?
Today, I mean, when we no, no, it didn't. I got. it was fine. when I came back, it was fine. Wow.
Yeah, I know I lucked out, but it's been. There've been times when it's gotten towed where Crazy Sona came out. And I would, you know, yell at people. But it, you know, it didn't work.
So I think we can all admit that we. First of all. I'll say that those drinks are very deceptive because you don't think you're drinking alcohol, because it's rum based. It's got a. It's a little deceptive, you know? It's so friendly, you feel like you're just sipping on a nice, fruity drink, it's so smooth.
And then the next thing, you know, you're wearing your pants on your head, and that's, you know.
I think I had no joke, I had five.
Oh my god, really.
Wow, okay.
I had a lot. Yeah, it was tasty.
I ate a lot of pizza.
I did, too. We ate our faces.
You know, I actually am more embarrassed about my pizza consumption because I am a Tasmanian devil when it comes to pizza. Yeah, and you've seen this, Sona. But what happened was so they bring out the pizzas and we all, we don't even have to eat them all, but I.
No, they were meant to be just kind of display pieces.
Displayed the first ones. I inhaled mine and then I was looking around like a feral animal to see if anyone else had extra pizza. But then do you remember they made these experimental pizzas?
They were just sort of supposed to be a joke, meaning here's one that looks like Conan's face.
That's what I was talking about, yeah.
No, no, I'm talking about the first one. Oh yeah, the first one, I.
What is one for us to eat?
Yeah, but like, you don't have to eat the whole thing I inhaled that. I just basically thought, this is a communion. Wafer. Yeah, I'm going to shove this whole thing in my mouth and it's the body and blood of Christ.
And down we go. But then they brought out these display ones which we weren't even supposed to eat. And I noticed at one point, you guys are chatting and I'm realizing I haven't been talking for a while and my name is on the podcast. And it's because I'm forcing the display pizza into my esophagus, not even chewing it.
I'm just shoving it down, yeah.
There was a point at which we had stopped recording. We're like, okay, so we could take these, and you're like, No.
And you, no.
You wouldn't let us take the pizza away. No, no, because I admit my drug is a carb, it really is like.
I admit I have no self-control, so I think I can have self-control around all kinds of substances that other people have problems with. But if it's a pizza, it doesn't even have to be a particularly good one.
To that point, these display pizzas had disproportionate toppings so that they could make our faces. So some of them would have like a pound of pepperoni on them, or all sliced cheese.
Mine had buttons from overcoats.
Korean War.
Siemens jackets. And I was just, I didn't care, I was just making it go. It's go into stomach, yeah.
Get in my belly.
Yours had mushrooms, which you hate.
I don't even eat mushrooms, yeah. And I was shoving them down my face and at one point, Blay goes to take them away from me and I'm like.
Don't touch the precious.
Precious.
Blaze wants the precious. And then did you see me? I was wearing just a loincloth and I grabbed my half pizza. And I scuttled through some caves, over some wet rocks. And I have just a few hairs on my head combed over strategically.
Blaze wants the precious, but Conan has the precious. And I was inhaling it. And I'm like, cookie monster were thing. I've always been amazed with. Cookie monster is most of the cookie isn't going in.
Well, it's a puppet.
It's a puppet and so I know, but I love that. He's just the cookie, just flying, it's just flying, and there's. They could have given Cookie Monster a tiny, a tiny orifice in there, No.
They could have given him something. No, but no cookie's just bouncing off left and right.
You were like like a wood chipper where it goes.
Yeah.
No, and I.
I went home and felt in the morning it wasn't like a hangover. It was deep shame about the way I behaved around the pizzas. And, and you know, I do, Sona, you will attest that I try like I have a spinach shake that I make in the morning.
You are, I think, generally speaking, you're a very healthy person.
I'm a very healthy person, but when I go off, I don't go slightly off the rails. When it's time for me to go rogue, it's pure insanity.
So this wasn't planned because I've been trying to be healthy, too, and I knew on this day all bets were off. I was going to have as much as I wanted to drink and as much pizza as I wanted, because it's just that's the circumstance. He was also buzzed.
Oh yeah.
I mean, when you're buzzed, right, you're appetite.
He's also acting, and during the these episodes too, is acting like he wasn't, you know, affected by the drink. And you were slurring your speech more than I think you would care to admit.
I mean, first of all, I mean, I, you know, you're about to apologize.
Oh.
But I had had a major cerebral event earlier today, yeah, major major cerebral, a major brain bleed.
And fortunately, you know, we took care of it. I waited a couple of days, which is always the best thing to do when you're having.
Just wait a few days.
Wait a few days, don't get medical help, then see a neurologist. Rub some grass. No, no.
I had, I wouldn't say I got crazy, but I, yeah, I had some rum. Yeah, I had some rum. But I think I was more filled with shame about the the pizza.
Summer S'Mores series is back.
Each year, we gather on a solo stove fire pit.
That's kind of nice, I love you guys.
I love you too.
I'm okay.
I know.
Matt and I love each other, so it's just okay. This year, Solo Stove sent us the bonfire. It's designed to put out some serious heat without putting off that dirty s word. You know what I'm talking about?
Smoke Hmm, yeah, here's what I got to tell you.
The solo stove is uniquely designed to burn off smoke before it ever escapes the top of the fire pit. Once you set around a smokeless fire, you'll never want to go back. Guys, correct me if I'm wrong. I've sat around some fires in my day, okay?
Smoke gets in my eyes, I start crying, People think I'm having an emotional breakdown, I'm taken away and put into an institution. There's no smoke here.
We've got a nice fire, we've got some heat, but no smoke.
That's why we know you're crying is actually just emotional.
And not smoke related.
Yes, I'm crying because I'm with two people.
I love very much.
Aw.
Oh wait, who's here?
That's us, oh, it's me, yeah, Matt.
Sorry, my glasses weren't on.
Anyway.
Solo Stove has multiple different colors that are portable. So you can take it into the back country. You can go to the beach, you can go up to the top of a mountain, you can go into a deep cave. It looks good.
It works great, plus it has a lifetime warranty, which means we could do easily 7,000 seasons of this show.
That's a lot.
I'd like to retire at some point.
I don't think so. Your family has said they're fine with you working anyway. We could do a lot of seasons and that solo stove would keep on cooking. Go check them out at Solostove.com and use promo code CONAN to get $10 off your new pit.
So.
Did you come into that night thinking you weren't going to drink that much and you weren't going to eat that much, or what was your plan?
Yeah, I think I thought I'll nibble a bit, and then what happens is you nibble a bit.
You really? No, you didn't think that.
I did, I did think-.
You thought, Oh, I'm going to stop myself.
Yeah, I did Conan, I know, I don't know me.
It's like there's certain food, I know, if it's put in front of you, you blank out and then it's just there's crumbs everywhere, like you do that with popcorn.
Yeah, oh my god. Cheese popcorn. yeah. if people want to know my true weakness, a very good cheese popcorn, yeah.
It's all inhibitions go and-.
It's scary.
But I've always been this way about cheese, popcorn. And anyone who knows me well, like my brothers and sisters, know that if they wanted me to another way. Sometimes very rarely. But you've heard about bank robbers will kidnap someone will strap a bomb to his chest, and they'll say, you have to go in and rob that bank. And it's like, Oh my god, this is so evil. But the person has no choice if. They let me have a little bit of cheese popcorn from a bag and then took it away. And I said, I need give me the rest, and they would say, we'll give you the rest. But you have to go into that Citibank and rob it.
And the note I would pass would be they have the rest of my cheese popcorn, and the teller would be saying, What should I be pointing at the note? They have the rest of my cheese popcorn. I got to have a quarter of the bag, but there's still three quarters of the bag.
And they've put a clip on it to keep it from drying out.
The bank is right next to a popcorn.
Yeah, and then I'm just, they're like, Well, what's the big deal? We have cheese, popcorn. No, it's the really good. It's that kind from Chicago that's really has extra cheddar on it, real cheddar. And I have multiple notes, I keep handing them more notes.
None of which are I'm robbing your bank.
No, well, then finally, there's one. They're like, Sir, what is the point of all these? You have nine notes here about how you want this cheese popcorn. Are you making a deposit, a withdrawal? What are we doing here?
Oh, I'm sorry. Here's this note note number 75 Give me money. No, we're not giving you money. What do we care if you get your cheese, popcorn or not?
And then I have a note that, you see, I quickly scribbled that just says, I have bomb on chest. And they're like, Nope, no, you don't, we saw. You just write that and you're just wearing a t-shirt. And there's clearly nothing on it except cheese dust.
So sir, please leave the bank, then I'm back there. I tried, Where's the popcorn? You don't get the popcorn? You failed in your mission.
It's all notes.
You don't say a word, I go in with lots of notes.
Lots of notes.
You anticipated what she was gonna say, I can't even.
I can't, even, I can't even. That's so your generation.
Oh, it's so your generation.
So, your generation?
What's yours? It's groovy.
That's true, that's right, you guys are both idiot generations. I'm in my late 70s and everything's groovy.
You dumb millennials and boomers, you're stupid.
It's radical, man.
My generation is crank up the oingo, boingo. It's time to lose it.
My generation is more synthesizer, more fake drums.
If they had used real drums on Betty Davis eyes, it would suck.
Hey, my mom went to high school with Kim Carnes.
Is that true? Yeah, who's that?
She sang Betty Davis eyes.
Betty Davis eyes.
I thought that was Rod Stewart, what?
That's a woman.
No.
It's Kim Carnes.
Hold on, what song am I thinking of?
He's a drug addict, and she knows just what it takes, right? She's got Betty Davis eyes to make a pro blush.
I talked about this with Grace Potter, I thought that was Rod Stewart. I talked about this with the amazing Grace Potter. And she does an amazing. Kim Carnes, really, I mean, close your eyes and you think this is Kim Carnes. And she says the rhyme was she's atrocious and she knows just how to make a pro blush.
Wow, you're like, Oh, my Lord.
I didn't realize there was a third rhyme in that.
Yeah, wow.
Remember that parody of She's Got Marty Feldman eyes?
Oh, I don't remember that love. MARty FELDMAN Yeah, well, we went from an obscure reference, we did it again.
Great little tangent there, guys.
Sorry about that. Every now and then we like to try and shake off all our listeners. It's like shaking a tail in a movie, like, Hey, did we get rid of them? And we were looking out the back window.
They're following us. Okay, let's make this one, let's make Oigo boigo reference, let's do this, let's do that.
Okay, we lost, there's still two on us. Okay, Kim Carnes. Okay, there's still one following us.
Marty Feldman.
MARTY FELDMAN Okay, we're in the clear, let's go, let's go rob that bank.
We're just actively trying to lose them.
Let me go rob that bank now with my nine notes.
Conan O'Brien needs a friend, the podcast that dares you to listen to it.
People should know Marty Feldman. He was Igor in Young Frankenstein, a brilliant comedy writer who actually was quite influential and popular and a big star when the Pythons were coming up.
This is good that you end an obscure reference with a lecture. Yes, this is how to keep people.
Well, I think people should know Marty Feldman, he's one of the funniest people of all time. Okay, have you watched Young Frankenstein?
I did a long time ago and I don't remember.
Most of the things I watched, it's actually kind of a perfect comedy. There are very few perfect comedies, and Young Frankenstein is one of them. It's really amazing.
Okay, I don't remember like anything I watched yesterday.
It's all in black and white, Gene Wilder.
Oh, pass.
Oh, come on.
Don't worry, Sona, they've colorized it, don't worry, they've colorized it, yeah.
I've watched Black and White.
No, they've colorized it and they've added system of a down music to it. Oh, hell yeah, Jeez. oh no. So now you're in.
Okay, now I'm in.
Yeah, you're in.
Oh god.
And anyone who watches it gets free margies.
Ha ha ha ha ha skinny Mars.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Well, I did have a good time, I did have shame about the way I ate and I'm embarrassed about that.
No judgment here, man. We had a lot to drink, we all were buddies and we had each other's back. We held each other's hair proverbially as we threw up.
Yeah.
The question is, next year, what's it gonna be?
Yeah, what do we do?
We're gonna do this again.
Oh yeah, we're going on a trip next year. I am not.-.
Fans demand it.
I am not drinking. Next year, what?
Yeah, yes, you are. Why can't we all, just like, take an edible?
That'll be fun.
Oh, okay, we could do that, I say, we take an edible or mushrooms and go to Vegas, okay?
Oh, that sounds good to me.
And I hate Vegas, I have never. I love Vegas. I don't do edibles or mushrooms.
Oh.
Well, I mean, tell me about mushrooms. Would that be a good experience for me? I honestly don't know.
I don't know, I've never done them.
I bought them once but couldn't carve out enough time to do them, so I've never done them either.
I have microdosing. It just made me nauseous, yeah.
Okay, some people get that, but I'll do it.
Oh, we could do. Is Molly illegal?
How about heroin?
That's cool, heroin's illegal, right?
We can do over-the-counter heroin.
You know what I love? When Sona said, I bought these drugs, but I didn't carve out the time, and I thought, I love a drug addict who's just a poor planner.
And so busy.
Yeah, and it's just like, you know, Hey, did you get the stuff?
I did.
I got the stuff, I got the black Tar, heroin. Yeah, did you get the spoon fuck?
Oh, and I really have my taxes to do, I can't fit this in, No.
And then I got to get the kids to the pool.
Promised, and then I have to, yeah.
No, I still don't know what that knocking sound is. Yeah, but what about the stuff, huh? Oh, we'll get to that later. Can we just do it later?
Yeah.
Just table it.
Yeah, did you get the rubber thing that ties off the no, No, no, I figured we'd have that around the house. Look, we can't do this now.
My mother-in-law's here in half an hour.
Did you fix the hole in the beanbag chair? No.
Beat that.
All right, well, listen, I had a good time. I do enjoy you guys and I do want to say thank you to Matt because you did a lot of the work. So you made a great drink.
Oh, I just did a drink, your lovely wife helped out.
Yeah, Sarah and Amanda and all the crew.
Sarah was a big help. There's a whole crew of people helping out.
I know our crew is the best crew, I agree.
Truly the best. I mean, a lot of people deserve a shout out. Eduardo, you were there, Mikey Josh for shooting the video. Chills.
Chills.
And the solo stove guys who made us those pizzas.
You don't have to say that DG and Chris, right?
I know we don't even have to mention it because it's not required. But those solo stove people that brought that pizza oven, they did an amazing job. Yeah, they used to get one of those too.
I want my pizza, solo stove.
DG and Chris.
Is there still a solo stove here for me to take home?
No, that one stays at the building, you have to go out and buy your own.
No, I was promised a solo stove. That's the only reason I did this.
No, no, you thought you were promised a solo stove? I did what I told you was have another drink. Oh, okay, you misinterpreted that.
Snuckered again.
All right, we'll see you guys next time. Hope you're enjoying your summer.
That's like one of those yearbooks, what is it when people sign yearbooks? Have a good summer, k-i-t.
With some guilt involved.
Like, I hope you like your summer assholes, hope you're enjoying your summer with the world, the state it's in. That's what I want it to sound like. Hey, hope you're having a good time.
Canada's on fire. Enjoy your summer, asshole.
I've got to go rob a bank, I'll be back.
Summer S'Mores with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Obsessian and Matt Gourley Produced by Me Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs. Nick Liao and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Yearwolf. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
Take it away, Jimmy.
Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer. Samples engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production support by Mars Melnick, Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.
Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode, and if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan. O'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever Fine podcasts are downloaded.
v1.0.0.260408-1-a910ba6_os