Disrespectfully - Good Vibes Only | Episode 23

We have to just be honest about the elephant in the room. Katie wears a skirt all the time on this show, so I was like, you know what, I'm new boot, goofin'. I got these new boots.

I like them.

So I wanna wear a skirt with them, and my cellulite is just so poppin'. It always has been. It's genetic.

You're wearing a tight skirt, though.

I feel really insecure. Well, next time I'll wear one down to my ankles.

No, it's not about that, but when you wear something tight, it's gonna right up.

If you're watching this at home, I'm sorry. We're just gonna have to get through the adjustments. We're trying. to, this is my cellulite, hello.

If Dana flashes you, you're welcome.

Yeah, the whole Sharon Sona bit also. Welcome to, Disrespectfully.

With Katie Maloney.

And Dana Cathan.

Unapologetically.

We're here to do what we wanna do.

Spilling the tea.

Babe, you're gonna see the power of women.

Like, disrespectfully.

Okay, so we can't be specific about what we were just discussing, but all I have to say is, don't you feel like more people should tell you that you're right?

All the time. Don't you feel like you're owed that, kind of? I'm a little bit. Only because it's just, I think people always think my intentions of when I'm trying to be outspoken about something or stand on business, they think it's coming from a place of entitlement or I know it all. Or they think that.

Well, I can tell you I'm chuckling about it for you, so. Oh, no. Wasn't it?

Yeah.

Did you send it? No. Why?

Did you just record a voice now?

Did you hear the noise?

No. I was just recording that entire thing on accident, because I pulled up a text message to read to her and the window was open. Whenever you are.

It just happened live in the studio.

Always exit out of your text messages, folks. I'm never.

Yeah, that one we'd be like, we'd say that to your face. Yeah. Because we're good on that.

And I mean it.

In a big way. You will say it to their face. Anyway. Okay, speaking of weirdos and text messages, we have so much to talk about today. Oh, okay.

Getting dressed. So you really have.

For four years, I have worn leggings and hoodies all day, every day. Still a great option. But the other day, I was getting ready to run some errands.

and I was like, you know what?

Why don't I put an outfit on and just slick my hair back and put some mascara on? Just, I took five minutes and I was like, why don't you take some pride in yourself?

It takes five minutes just to like, just to not reach for the soft clothes and just put on jeans, a cute pair of shoes, and like a, you know.

I had these on with those black shorts that I love. They're longer and a t-shirt and a cute earring.

Style. I'm like. Immediate.

I'm like, I've just been so comfortable being so ugly in public for so long.

It's crazy. Well, I know, because the thing is, truthfully, so many people in LA wear their athleisure, like they just came from yoga or from Pilates, and it's just, and so. yeah, it can be a look, I guess, but when you're just like, nope, I was just hanging out at home in my Lulu's, and here I am, you know, at the grocery. Right.

So, and I was going to Air One, which is a fancier grocery too, and there's like cool people there and look, I'm a slave to Air One. now. I love it. They're super expensive. I don't grocery shop there, but I go to the deli and I like, honestly, it's cheaper than Postmates or about, so I'm like, why don't you just go get a really healthy meal and whatever?

And you're like, and then I woke up.

Literally, literally. So then he's like, his friend is behind me. so then they're chatting for a while and I took his card and we chatted for a second and I was like, okay, the universe, thank you more, please, I need to just start getting ready. It's taken a turn. Also, you and I got a lot of exciting news, so I was very busy that afternoon, so I wasn't really paying attention, and then I decided to text him.

Dana, why?

He's at three in the morning? What are you doing at three in the morning?

Maybe he was working late.

I'm not gonna play the voice note here. I'm gonna show it to you when we're done and I'm gonna see if you still feel that way.

I don't know. I mean, I say maybe try. He's a doctor. He might just have a weird schedule.

No, I looked up his stuff too, and I don't know. We'll see, but I'm gonna play it for you and I think you'll feel differently.

I don't know. I mean, I think maybe he was just lying awake at night and couldn't stop thinking about you.

Late at night, when all the world.

I'm just saying, you never know.

Well, thank you for inspiring me. I'm gonna start doing that more. Just as not as even a hope to find love, just as like, what if you died tomorrow and everyone just remembers you as the ugly gremlin girl?

You should have sent a voicemail back saying, what if we kissed in front of the smoothie bar at Air One?

In Air One meet cute.

I love it. See, that's the kind of like interest I have. I don't do apps. So like having someone approach IRL out in the wilds. Is it a delight?

I mean, it definitely, and like so many things happen, good things happen that day. And I was more so, you're supposed to say when something good happens to you, thank you more, please to like, tell the universe like, even if it's just like a small glimmer, but like.

Yeah, listen, I watch a lot of rom-coms. So in my mind, like I'm playing the movie and I'm like, yeah, but you watch a lot of true crime, so.

Yeah, unfortunately, I'm tainted with that. Okay, how are you doing? Any meet cutes in your world? What's happening?

Of course not.

Can we talk about Diane Keaton?

Yeah, okay, well, I missed meet cute opportunity because Diane Keaton came into something about her yesterday. And this was like one of the days where I was like, I'm gonna go to Pilates in the morning, take care of myself, because I haven't been doing any of that lately. And so I do, and I'm like, I'll be there at 1230.. At 1150, I'm like about to leave the house. Like Mackenzie, our manager texts me.

I was gonna say, did she get the Diane?

And a Reese. So hopefully she loved them and she wants to come back and bring her friends.

Next time, you're gonna tell me that Meryl Streep was there and I'm gonna be knocked over with a feather. Diane Keaton is the most iconic shit ever. Do you think every single person that has a sandwich named after them is gonna start trickling in?

I freaking hope so. I mean, like we were like, wouldn't that be cool? But now I'm kind of like, wait a minute. If Diane Keaton's rolling in there, I think.

And what do you say about that?

Thank you more, please.

Ladies, if you're listening, come on in. Yeah.

Reese, get in there. Manifestation is real, folks. Just start like, be inspired and then integrate it into your life and then see what happens.

Do you daydream?

Yes, like constantly. What do you mean? I'm the most delusional person ever. I'm over here like, la la la, like in a cloud.

That's what I like spending my time doing. It's euphoric. Like when I have nothing to do, I let my mind wander. And, honestly, everything that I've ever gotten, that I wanted usually came from that, of me, like being delusional and thinking about it and feeling what it'll feel like.

Well, I think visualization is the most powerful form of manifestation. Like really, truly just like putting yourself in that place that you wanna be and just like soaking it in, even if it's just in your own fantasy, because you start to believe it and then it starts to come true. It's like the law of assumption. Like this is already my life. These things have already happened.

Well, congratulations. That's so exciting. I can't believe, and she had her little hat on.

and her little, she dresses. She's so iconic. Yeah, she has the coolest style ever. She's definitely got her sort of iconic look, like always a hat, always like a turtleneck or some sort of like neck scarf situation. Like she accessorizes like no one I've ever seen before.

I'm really glad.

Yeah, I know, she had a picture with her. So if I couldn't be there, that was the best case scenario.

First Wives Club is in my top 10 favorite movies of all time and she's so good in it. Oh, my God. Love her, when she's like, I'm sorry. Having that freak out, it's just like iconic.

Her best freak out moment ever, though, the most iconic scene with her, have you seen? Baby Boom? Yes. When the well breaks and she's at her breaking point and she's just standing outside the house and she has a full on meltdown. It's so epic.

She's also a great example of, as you get older and into more maturity, of like continuing to have great style and really caring, which is so wonderful because I think people expect women to just become old biddies and like I love these days pregnancy style and like Rihanna's pregnancy style, and just like the way that you don't have to conform and like I plan on dressing skanky to whatever big age I get to.

Yeah, I think, if you wear it and it fits like your vibe and your personality, it's all about confidence to pull off an outfit. It's not about, people are like, why don't you dress for your age or dress for your body? Why don't you shut the fuck up? Yeah, that's true. Everybody wear what they want to wear.

If you want to look like an extra from 19 and counting, go ahead. No one is stopping you. Let me wear pleather. Like.

Yeah. Did you see that one girl who was like going off? It was on TikTok.

And. Probably, but continue.

And she was talking about crop tops. She's just because they're in and they're having a moment doesn't mean everyone should wear them. If it's not your body type, if it's not this, I was just like, and she kept going on. I was like, oh, I couldn't even finish it, just because her rant was just like soaked in insecurity and like.

Fat phobia.

Fat phobia, misogyny. Yeah, it's just like, ma'am, what is it? How is it affecting your life? Well, because you don't want to look at it. Well, that's gross to say.

And also, how does it affect you? Why don't you? I know so many times when I see on TikTok, I'm like, wow, that person really pressed play, watched it back, recorded, watched it back, and was like.

Submit.

Ate that up, post it. I'm like, you had the opportunity so many times to not post that.

Do you think that they ever have that conversation with somebody else? Or is it just like something that they've had some like internal dialogue on and they're like, I need to share this with the world? Because I guarantee, if they would have talked to at least three people, people would have been like, not the take. Yeah. I'd want to go with, at least publicly.

No, nothing problematic, but there's obviously to an extent. But yeah, also, talk shit to your friends, like a normal person if you really feel that way. But if another human person is not hurting anyone else, infringing on their rights, and just living their life, and making a choice that you wouldn't necessarily make, and it does not affect you, stop yapping. You're probably yapping and you have the option, this is a no yap zone. This podcast is a no yap zone.

Have a body. Like shut the fuck up, why do you care? Summer's getting whatever body I got. Right. How about that?

Right.

Because you know what summer has? Ice cream, hot dogs, I mean hot dogs are your own, but like, you know, Aperol Spritz. It has too many like wonderful things I wanna enjoy in the sun to worry about caloric intake, or whatever the fuck else. Like, uh.

Do you know what is the best? I mean, you're a sandwich shop owner. There is peak summer behavior. You go for a swim in a pool, or the ocean, your little son kisses you. We're wearing our SPF, so not us as much, but, because I have a big hat, I'm like, into any type of sunshine.

Nothing.

A pool snack?

I don't know. Yeah, my favorite, okay, when I was younger, I have such like memories of going to like the pool at the rec center, and they had like this snack stand, and I'd get like all kinds of like candies, and I would always get like a Coca-Cola, and it'd kind of sit in the sun and get a little warm, but it was still like bubbly.

When you put your lips on the can, it's like.

That is one memory, what do they call it? Callback, nostalgia, if I drink a warm Coke that was sitting in the sun, which I haven't done in years, I'm gonna be immediately transported back to the summer pool. Sometimes, when there would be kids that would take a shit in the pool, they'd have to get everybody out. That was the worst day ever, when somebody pooped in the pool.

No, it was devastating, I mean, it was such a specific thing, and we had a place called Wild Waves, where I grew up, it was like maybe 30 minutes south of where I lived, and it was disgusting. It was like this nasty, it reeked of chlorine two miles away, because there was so much yuck. The amount of time I think I go back that I spent in the lazy river, when it was a lazy river of urine, is what it was.

I would still go on a lazy river. Oh, I mean, I would too.

But not there, and there was band-aids floating everywhere. They had a wave pool that was gold. The wave pool should have been called trying to kill a kid pool, because I'm pretty sure that happened, and you just got. absolutely, there's huge waves, you're getting rocked, and I think it was maybe $35 for a summer pass, and my parents were not, we were not getting proper childcare, so, in terms of latchkey, they got us summer passes and would drop us the fuck off for eight hours, and be like, bye, good luck, because there'd be lifeguards, so they were hopeful that we'd make it out.

Oh my God, I remember fighting for my life in the wave pool a couple of times, because if you didn't have an inner tube, your head is getting squished between inner tubes as the waves go.

And there's some really enthusiastic adults that need to not be near the children in those wave pools that don't care about you. They're like, fuck them kids, and just knocking you out. I remember my skull hitting the wall. I also was not a good swimmer at the time. Why was I there?

Yeah, I don't know. I can equivalent the wave pool to a mosh pit, and try it, you're on risk. Be prepared. Think about it. Is that where that came from for me?

I don't know, maybe that was my origin. My demon origin story for mosh pits was in a wave pool.

It makes sense. I feel like the pipeline from wave pool to mosh pit is very short, very linear. It's direct.

Did you have a weird gross water park that you would go to, or was it just a rec center? What was it like for you?

We had seven peaks, and it definitely wasn't gross. I don't remember being gross, but I was also young, and to me, I don't know. Whatever, but it was actually pretty nice. They had this one tube ride, a slide, called Laser's Edge, and it was so fucking cool. They played tequila wipeout in the thing, so when you go down, the music's blasting, and it's completely dark, and then they have lights on the top of it, so you feel like you're going through space or something.

That's your tequila, Katie, origin story. Right there. We just figured it out.

Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, we had water slides that probably could have decapitated you, and then there was also-.

They have.

So they had, part of it was mostly, I'd say 75%, water park, wild waves, and then anyone from the greater Seattle area, too, is listening to this freaking out, but I'm sure other people have a shared experience. The other part of it was normal rides, non-water rides, and we had a ring of fire, and no one should have been on it, but particularly not children, and I was so small. I remember when we'd go to the top, we thought it was fun. I would slide out, and so I'd put my hands up, and so I was basically doing a handstand on the roof of Ring of Fire, holding myself in, and the fact that no one died on that ride, and I was just like, whee!

Is it one where you circle the drain?

No, you go up. So you're in a giant circle, giant circle in a cage, basically, or not even a cage, because there was openings, and you go, poof, around.

We're talking about regular rides, okay.

Yeah, yeah, regular rides, and I'm holding, and I remember the feeling in my body if I was like, if I don't have my hands up, I will go out the side. It was basically just a dainty seatbelt, not even on your shoulders, nothing. Anyway, I survived that.

Holy hell.

It's probably my resilience pipeline, so it was just setting me up for all the horrors of my teen years and early adulthood.

Amusement parks and water parks were just really building character.

Maybe I wouldn't have gotten through my mom's death so well had I not gone through that ring of fire. We just don't know.

I went down to the burning ring of fire.

Someone asked me the other day online if I had Scorpio in me, because they're like, your dark sense of humor, and I was like, no, no, no, Scorpio. Should we tell people our big three?

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Leo's son, Sag Rising, and Virgo Mint. What are yours? I think you have Scorpio, don't you?

No.

But Capricorn?

No, I'm trying to think, well, maybe Sagittarius. That's where it comes from. I'm Cap, Sun, Pisces, Rising, and Aries, Moon.

The fact that you're a Rising is not a Sun is very surprising to me. That's crazy.

That is a Pisces. The fact that I'm a Rising is what?

That it isn't a Fire sign is crazy to me. Aries, your Moon is, but that's, wow, that's nuts.

I know, I've got Air, wait, no, Pisces is Water.

Water, I just cry, baby. Just kidding, I have so many Pisces in my life and I love them, just everywhere.

Yeah, I have no Air in me, that's what I'm saying. I have no Air, just Earth, Water, and Fire.

Leah, what's yours?

Mine is Aries, Moon, and then I get confused between the other two, but it's Pisces and Leo. When's your birthday? March 29th. Oh, you're a Pisces.

Okay, so you're a Pisces and you're a Leo Rising.

There we go, there we go.

What's your baby gonna be?

A Leo.

Just FYI, I also read online, because someone was talking about their birth story, and it was like, Courtney is like the very quick. She did not get an epidural and was very upset about it, and they ended up giving her laughing gas, and she was like, so. many of my pregnant friends didn't know that nitrous is an option, so they wanted me to tell you that. Oh, thank you. Just FYI, in case you get in a bind and you have no option for a hose.

I wanna feel nothing. I don't know, whenever I've had stuff where it's like, at the dentist or something, they bust out that nitrous hose, I'm like, thank you more, please.

Oh, yeah, literally, I'm like, no, no, I'm still hurting a little bit, can I have it back, please? just, can I take one home? Blowing it out like a vape, like, just getting my last, 22 days vape-free, guys. Feeling very excited about it.

I feel like, I'm like, in Biodome, when they just put the mask on them, and the nitrous, and they're just like, having a time, getting like, high up. I love that movie, I love Pauly Shore movies.

Son-in-law?

Yeah.

Fantastic movie.

Biodome, Encino Man, though, because it's got Brendan Fraser, the hottest version of Brendan Fraser I've ever seen in my life.

The best version of Brendan Fraser, my God. Well, and also him in George of the Jungle, it's the same version of him.

And then The Mummy, dude.

I think The Mummy was my first, like, buy panic. Honestly, the entire cast. Like, every single one. Great movie. I re-watched that recently with Raleigh, and it was shocking, I would say, about how it's, I saw it in theaters, and I was like, maybe eight or 10..

Well, I mean, yeah, when you're young, it's like, and also, like, now, I don't know, the technology in film, that's what it's called. The advances that they've made.

Back in my day.

The one that's still, like, I feel like, isn't too cheesy looking, but they did a really good job with the CGI that I think still holds up today. You don't watch it, and you're like, it's Jurassic Park. Like, they really knew what they were doing.

Oh, yeah.

With that one.

It is just so, that forever, that also used to scare the shit out of me when I was little, the boom, boom, boom. I remember one time getting up to tell my mom there was a T-Rex outside, because the boom, boom, boom, but it was, we lived in a bad neighborhood, and it was bass from all the cars driving by. She laughed at me, she's like, Dana, there's no T-Rex, that's speakers on a car, and I was like.

That's Junior, just rolling down the road.

Someone's bumping Coolio, and I'm like.

Would you go to Jurassic Park if it was real? And it wasn't gonna, like, let's say it was a real place, open for business, people were going, coming home, alive.

Of course I would, that would be my Darwin moment, are you kidding me? I love scary animals so bad. I would book it there, would you?

Of course, but I would maybe, I don't know, I'd be like, can you choose where you wanna go? Like, I just wanna see some, like, long necks and triceratops, and like, I don't know.

So you're not going to the.

T-Rex zone?

You're not going to the raptor paddock.

I don't wanna see raptors.

I deeply wanna see raptors.

I'd wanna maybe see, like, a pterodactyl, but triceratops and long necks, like. I watch, listen, I watch Littlefoot.

Littlefoot. Ugh. That fucking traumatizing ass movie also.

Between that and The Brave Little Toaster, like, that's why we're so resilient, actually, because we were exposed, and The Lion King too, exposed to such traumatic events in these kid movies, where it's like, I don't know, I remember being really deeply upset in those movies.

Because they're upsetting. I watched with, when Lenny was like two, we showed her Lion King for the first time, or Curious Reaction. She was so, like, upset. She was like, why won't he wake up? Why wake up?

If there's any scene in any movie, that I skip that one.

Horrifying. Just like, why is anyone watching that? Long live the king, and just like. Then, Simba, and then it's like, oh, and by the way, Simba, it's your fault.

What?

He's like the Billy Zane of Lion King. He's the cow.

Yeah. Scar. Oh, for sure.

What a dick.

Doesn't give a fuck about anyone but himself. Oh.

Yeah, sorry, again, we talk about movies so much, and poo, but really quickly, because before we were recording, we were talking about tetanus. Because what did you say that you got it because of?

Oh, okay, well, because. Tetanus shot? Normally they just call it your tetanus, but when everyone was having babies a few years back, they were like, you have to have a flu shot. Okay, cool, I usually get those. And then a whooping cough shot, which when you go, they call it something else, but it is the tetanus shot.

Would that be wrong?

They're like, no, no more.

I'm just a girl.

I'm literally just a girl, trying to take care of my health. I'm lucky to be here.

Okay, the reason I bring this up is because did you see, at a concert recently, Taylor Momsen, a.

Yeah, no, before she was like, you guys are trying to say something to me or point something out, but I don't understand it, and they're literally pointing, and she looks down, and she's like, fuck. I got a bat on me, can someone come help me?

Yeah, she's like. Did it bite her? Apparently, it bit her. Here's the thing, though. Just FYI, if you don't know this, if you come into any contact with a bat, actually, they even say, if you're somewhere where there are bats and one gets in your room at night and you find it, or you're in a home and it gets in, even if it does not touch you.

It's pretty fucking metal, but you know.

No, it is.

Yeah. Well, I mean, they were erased the minute, I don't know.

Make me wanna die. They don't, I don't feel like Pretty Reckless.

gets its flowers. I love that. I know. Well, yeah, no, this means, but I feel like it's just, I'm kind of like broke for her. in that sense.

We're not pro-rabies.

That bat like chose you. Yeah. I don't know anyone, like, I've never heard of- Ozzy Osbourne. Oh.

But someone chucked that bat on stage, and he thought it was fake, but also very metal.

Yeah, see, you're in good company, Taylor Momsen. You and Ozzy, rock and roll.

The problem with bats is they're so cute that, like, have you ever seen a fruit bat? eat fruit? Like, someone's like holding it, and I'm like, okay, also, why are you all getting to hold these? I see many people on TikTok grabbing raccoons and different things with rabies, and I'm always like, what are you guys doing? But fruit bats-.

Stupid is as stupid does. Those people are not smart.

Do you know that possums don't usually carry rabies because their body temperature is too low?

We saved a baby opossum.

When? Okay, so- Who's we?

Me and Tom. So at our house, our old house, we had, like, opossums that would come and, like, get into our trash bins. Like, we would always have to be careful. Every time we'd open it up, we'd have to look in to make sure there wasn't a possum in there.

I didn't know we had possums. Oh, yeah. Is that stupid?

You didn't know? Yeah, maybe, I don't know.

Okay, just checking.

There are little critters everywhere. But it would be terrifying when you would, like, open up the bin, and one would look up, and it'd be, like,

like, oh, my God.

Yeah, I feel bad when they'd get into one of the empty bins, because then they'd be stuck in there, and they couldn't get out, and it'd break my freaking heart. Oh, that's so sad. Well, one time, there was, like, a little baby, and so we just had it in the backyard,

Wildlife rescue?

Yeah, like, a wildlife rescue, but also, like, a retreat or, like, a-.

Oh, it was going to Club Med, basically?

Well, no, there's, like, there's a place in Malibu that, like, it's, like, a, you know, sanctuary. Thank you, thank you. Like, a possum sanctuary. that, where, like, if they are ever injured or people find them, that they'll come and pick, yeah, so someone came and picked up the little baby,

took it. Well, do you see how the mom- They're so cute. They are. Do you see how the mom possums carry them? They basically all cling to the mom, and there's, like, there's not a lot of real estate there to grab onto.

loves her kids and never stops.

But, like, I can't look at that, because I don't like big groups of small things and, like, holes. Like, I talk about this, but I can't look at, like, a bunch of holes. It literally makes me want to vomit, so I don't like it, but-.

It'd make me a little uncomfortable.

Yeah, but I bet it just was, like, ma'am, as it was falling, and she had to keep going for the brood.

Yeah, and I was so bummed, but yeah, we had always had, apparently they're called opossums, not possums. Yeah, it's spelled with an O. When we got, when we were posting, man, we put this on social media. It was, like, a whole, it was an entire saga of the opossum.

I'm sorry, I can't recall your opossum rescue, but the thing is, people who correct you. if you say possum, and they're like, it's o-possum, I'm like- O-possum. Oh, can you shut the fuck up? They're like, okay. Okay, loser.

But yeah.

Well, who knew you were the stever run of the valley?

It's like, all the critters, no, I'm like Snow White of the valley, all the little critters come to me.

Four feet good, two feet bad.

We had lizards in our backyard that would, like, climb on the little, like, wall.

You know, I try to catch them.

Yeah.

In their natural habitat. I fucking love a lizard, deeply. Give me any lizard, give me a bearded dragon, give me an iguana, any lizard. I love a snake, I love reptiles. Not me.

Not I.

I like to pick them up, if I can. Mostly for, just to see them. I don't think they have rabies. And then let them go, set them free.

I don't, no, I don't touch. I don't, like, I don't, like-.

Have I talked about my love of caimans before?

No.

They're tiny, they look like tiny, I would say, between an alligator and a crocodile, more, because alligators have rounded snouts and crocodiles are pointed. And, but they're very small. They grow to be, like, two feet. And they're so cute and they make gecko-y noises, and people have them as pets. I would love to have a terrarium and love to have one, but in terms of having a soft, soft cat, I'm like-.

Oh, yeah.

Imagine you come home and the cat is missing and the caiman just looks happy.

The only, okay, of the lizard variety, I would probably be down with a chameleon because they, like, rab.

They do this.

I want it to, like, I want it to hug my finger with its, like, little, like, it has, like, little hands like this.

Very, very cute. I don't know what they're called, but they're giant black lizards.

And they reach, when they reach, and they're like-.

Yeah, you put, you have something you want and they just, and they do it in slow-mo.

Oh, my God, it's cute.

I don't know what they're called, but I've seen them on, they're called black dragons, I think, or something. But they're huge black lizards. And I want one. so bad. It's like, I mean, and on my farm eventually, when I have one of every black animal.

Yeah, I'm good. Only the chameleon. Okay. And anything cute that I can cuddle with.

I mean, the people cuddle with the caimans. I'd be doing that. Mm, they're so cute. Just like I fed an alligator baloney in, when I was in Louisiana a few years ago.

From, like- On a stick.

Someone had it on, don't, oh God me, someone had it on in their pond and they did it all the time. His name was Boots, because he had boots and he was very cute.

Oh, so he was like the friendly neighborhood alligator?

Yeah, they'd stomp on the dock and then Boots would just come and go, like open his mouth, because he knew. And then, yeah, I would just fed him baloney on a stick.

That's different, but you see these people that are just like trying to fuck with gators, they just-.

They're asking for it.

Yeah, and I'm just like, if you get your hand bitten off, all you have to do, of course, thank you more, please.

Like what?

They just ditch their tail?

If a predator grabs them, they're just like, same with octopus, octopi, octopuses. They, if something, if a shark bites off, they just bail and they'll just regrow another one. I'm gonna throw up. Like what, imagine something rips your arm off and you just go about your day. You just head to Erewhon.

And then, like, as your little one's growing, your little hand comes out of your side of the shark. Ah, I'm growing a new one, everybody.

That's like in Men in Black, when they use that gun to like, shoot the head off, but it like.

And his little head pops back out. Worms do that too, right? They just regrow their head. I don't know. And like become two different worms.

Is that what you were doing when we were at Wild Waves in our childhood in Seven Peaks? You were cutting worms in half? You little freak.

That is so sick, worms.

Do you want to take a pivot and talk about something really disturbing?

that I heard today? I'm already disturbed, but go ahead. Was I not already disturbed?

This is legit, horrifying. So I heard this today on The Daily and one of my favorite podcasts. It is about deep, fake nudes in middle school and high schools. So a group of, this has been going around. Like you remember, when the Taylor Swift deep fake nude happened?

Yeah, they're like non-entity, but then, you know, the dudes are protected.

Like what, their privacy matters? I was like, name them.

Name them.

I know they're 15 year olds, but I was like, name them. I want their names.

I want, yeah, I want their parents' names, all of the whole family. Anyway, isn't that so scary? It kind of reminds me of that scene in A Walk to Remember when they like, they-.

First thing I thought of.

You know, they do a very like slop job of it, but they put Manny Moore's character, her head on like a sexy body, and you can totally tell it's not real, but still like how traumatizing for being this like quiet person in school, minding your business, and then you're getting like completely just bullied and destroyed by people, because for no reason.

Well, they address that. When I was listening to it this morning, they said for years now, people have had that ability, but it's the fact that it can be mass produced, and it's so realistic, which is so different, but yeah, it's horrifying, and whoever is doing that or thinks that's okay, it's just like, it's just a whole new way that younger generations are being victimized, and it's so scary to me.

Well, the thing about, because it's not real, well, it's just AI generated. It's not your real body. It's like, but that's my real face and head. It's still like my likeness attached to something that I didn't do or I'm not okay with, and once it goes on the internet, that's forever. Getting stuff scrubbed from internet is not an easy task, I don't think, so.

Well, and in terms of consent, and it's just like.

I mean, that's, I'm taking it just one step further, yeah.

People who are finding that, jobs, whatever, don't know that that is a fake, first of all, and that it wasn't consensual, and it's just like, it's starting to me to sound a little bit in the revenge porn realm, which is also disgusting. Hopefully, the laws catch up to what's happening, but yeah, it's freaky.

Yeah, I don't like that so much.

The way that people came here today and were like, what are we gonna listen to? And it's like, Lazer, it's a amusement park, be fake.

Well, what else would they expect? We is who we is.

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Okay, I was trying to desperately think, okay, so on, TikTok, there's this trend that's like, ♪ I remember when, I remember when I lost my mind. ♪. And then people are like talking about really cringey things. they did to try to get a crush's attention, like at some point in their life. And some of them are so,

I can't watch them. I've started a school pass because my cringe threshold is so low. That's like part of the reason I don't watch a ton of reality TV. Like I can't take it when there's something cringe happening. And yeah, these people are, they're really putting it out there.

But was there anything you ever did when you were younger to get a crush's attention because you knew they would? I'm trying to think, I don't know.

Plenty of IRL stuff that, also. I just watched Titanic because we were talking about it. I'm like, I don't even have a picture of him. It only exists in my mind. And I'm like, thank God it only exists.

Yeah, that's taking it a little too far.

Yeah, I did drugs for just to be like, yeah, like me. now, I'm cool.

I'm trying to think if there was anything I ever like, said or did. I mean, probably, but I don't think it was anything. that nothing, I don't ever have. moments where I'm like, I mean, there's definitely moments where.

Do you have those in general at all about anything in your life?

Oh yeah, no, I'll think about things that I said years ago, that I'm like, oh, why did I say that?

I think I do more embarrassing things than the average person like. I've had a pretty embarrassing life and it just is what it is, but fuck. I've made so many bad choices that are just cringe that I'm like, oh God.

Yeah, no, definitely like whenever, like alcohol's involved or something, and then you're like, I know what I'm gonna do. I'm like, I'm gonna go on my Instagram stories. It just embarrass the fuck out of myself.

Oh my God, you wake up in the morning and you just, your story is tiny dots.

Do you know what? I also don't get? No offense to anyone that does this, but I truly don't understand it and I wish people would like stop doing it. When people host pictures or videos of themselves crying.

I'm so glad you brought this up.

Like, and I would think I'm a very pretty crier, but I still am not. When they're just like filming themselves and they're just crying, I'm like.

There was one that was controversial recently. This woman was videotaping herself crying making a cake because she was a single mom and like had to make her own cake for her kids, and people had that take. They're like, and I get it, that is sad, but again, you set up the camera, you click, record, you record yourself crying, you then watch it back and you're like, ate them up and then you post it with hashtags, and I'm just like, yo.

When someone's doing something and it's hitting them in their feels and as a result, they start crying, like maybe that wasn't their intention when they were doing this to begin with, but the people that just are just, they're just crying and they're like, I know what I'm gonna do right now.

No, it's so weird.

I don't get it.

I remember seeing one of a couple, they were like, the text was like, after five years together, we've uncoupled and blah, blah, blah, and they're hugging, crying, and I was like, wait, before you're having this moment, one of you was like, wait, let me set this up. Okay, action.

I truly don't, I don't know.

There's some things that should stay private.

I would rather like watch people like laughing at the former younger selves doing cringy shit to get their crush's attention than someone crying.

2024.

On their front facing camera.

Have you learned nothing, Jojo? I'm like, you guys, stop it, please. And yeah, we're not trying to be insensitive to people who've done that, but it's just, yeah.

Let this be it, let this be a come to Jesus moment. Stop doing that.

We gotta stop.

Because there probably is gonna come a day where you're gonna like grow out of whatever like phase you're in and look back and be like, why the hell would I ever do that?

Do you know what other one I hate? And this is in the same vein, but this is usually photos. Can't happen in a video. When people post photos of them holding a dead person's hand that they love, I'm like, okay, they're like, granny whatever has gone to the other side and like her little bracelet. Or like, look, I never, once, after my mom took her last breath in our home, never thought as she was entering rigor mortis, let me grab her hand and show this to people.

Roll in grass, go for a walk, have a little drink or a snack. Like, get off your phone.

I think if that person was alive, they'd take that dead hand and slap you with it too. I don't think they'd let that at all.

Who even uses that little bracelet?

Like, what the fuck?

This is a hardcore judging zone. Yeah. Right now.

Some of you need to act better. And like, I'm not saying I've been a perfect person on the internet, but, holy shit, I have never done that. Of course.

I've seen it. No, no, I've seen it. Oh, no, of course, I've seen it. I've seen it recently, but like, there's moments where you're like, wow, I really want to remember this. Let me take a picture.

What?

Goes through your mind. My friend Randy is also really passionate about this, and she listens to the podcast, so I know she's laughing really hard right now. She'll send them to you and be like, why?

What about taking pictures at the grave site? Or like, of a tombstone?

I mean, that's, it's still kind of weird, but like that.

I do, but I fuck with cemeteries. Have you ever seen the video of this one girl? Her passion hobby is cleaning old tombstones, headstones, whatever you want to call it. So cool. And she really makes them nice, and brings them back to life.

That's, well, I don't know. I don't think that, and also, we just deeply passionate about, I spend time in them sometimes. But again, I draw the line at dead appendage. I'm like, you guys, that hand looks bad. We know what the rest of it looks like.

Even just in general. Then they want to lay next to them before they pass, and take a picture of them. And, poor grandma and grandpa. It's like, they look like a. I don't want my last photo to be with them, literally on their deathbed.

Are you kidding me? I did get into bed with her after she passed, and spend some time. And it was like. very. You weren't like.

That don't get enough attention, that they're like, they have to show these moments, or crying and all that to get sympathy, to get cookies, to get cuddles. I don't know. And they usually edit it too, like in black and. Like they're sitting there on their phone, like making it black and white. Look at this photograph.

What's that thing, like VisiCam or whatever, the like, Visco? Visco, yeah, they're like, let's Visco this bitch.

Yeah, it has to. Listen, I wanna post this, but if it doesn't match the rest of the feed, it ain't going in there. Like perhaps not.

It's gotta be my aesthetic.

Perhaps, perhaps not. Perhaps it stays in your camera roll, in the hidden folder. So no one else's feed.

Yeah, so it's one thing for it to be when you were 16, and you didn't know better. I do feel bad for kids these days, because it's so much earlier that they're making decisions online before their frontal cortex is like, hello. But fuck, please stop holding your dead relative's hand and putting it in our face.

I see grown-ass adults crying on their stories.

Yeah, it don't make sense.

Or when they're like, here's a photo dump.

I love your impressions of things when you do it really quietly, but it's in uppercase, but quiet. So funny. One of your better qualities.

Yeah, I just feel like, I don't get it. Thanks for the photo dump of really cool things, but then you crying? Photo number six, usually.

I think we've beat this dead horse. A lot of people do that. They cry about their dead horses. They cut the tail off, because that's like an honor or some shit, and I love horses. I'm on equestrian TikTok.

Like, I wanna, just, I come to this place to laugh. To feel something. Not for your, I don't know, anyways. I've never, the closest I've ever been to horse. TikTok is Hobby Lobby.

I watched one goddamn horse fucking, what is it called? What is it called when someone has a fake hobby horse?

Hobby horse, yeah. Okay, that's the closest I've ever been is the hobby horse.

I don't understand the hobby horse thing. No one does, and I sent it to you. Every single one of my videos now has been that I'm on the algorithm, and I saw one where this girl's boyfriend went and looked up on her TikTok, hobby horses, and liked a million of them, and she was getting, all of her feed, was it, and then she looked and her liked, and she was like, who did this?

I remember when we were at Disneyland last year, almost a year ago, and I was like, and I was showing you guys a hobby horse thing, and I was like, if my childs were to be, like, mom, I wanna be in Hobby Horse, I would be like, no.

I stand by my answer. I would let them do it, but it is weird.

No, I would encourage literally anything else. I'd be like, why?

You're like, what about heroin? Have you ever thought about that? How about, hey, kid, you wanna smoke some weed?

Do you wanna have some wine with me? I'll turn them bad before I let them get into Hobby Horse, and no offense if that's what you're doing, but also, weird. You're weird.

Look, I saw the piece, I think the one I sent you was this girl's on the floor retching, and she's like, you think hobby horse isn't a sport? Look at me after my cantering, and I'm like, okay, so cantering is running with a horse. You're not cantering, you're going for a goddamn jog.

You're running with a stick between your leg. I saw that one that you were talking about. And then they're like, when they're doing the point thing, and I'm just like.

Yeah, it's bad.

It's all right, I woke up today, and I chose judgment. Violence. I wanna just judge the fuck out of everybody right now.

Should we end on the vibrator settings video?

Oh yeah, oh yeah, because that's actually, I'm curious.

We're passionate about it.

I'm passionate about it. Vibrators, they have multiple settings. Okay, I wanna know, who's doing that?

Okay, so I saw a TikTok, and it was girl, it was like, okay, you guys, which one are we doing? And it was like, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz. She did it with her mouth, and she was like, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, and then it was like, bzz, bzz, and it was all the noises, and they were like, are we just going in for the bzz?

Yeah, no, and Christian, we only need an intensity like knob on there. The different settings on Morse code on my clit, dude, what the fuck are you talking about?

Sorry.

Oh, speaking of Titanic, I don't know what going down.

I'm like, okay, but what is, who's that for? If you, okay, were you into Hobby Lobby or Hobby Horse? Why don't we call it Hobby Lobby? Only people that did the bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, they were Hobby Horsers.

The offense, yeah, the bzz, bzz, bzz, I'm like, do you like to fucking twit?

Oh yeah, when you have to go, what do you call it?

Manual, if you had to use your hand, I'd rather just go to bed. I'm like, it's not for me.

I mean, desperate times.

Would you still use your hand?

Desperate, yeah.

Would you? Yeah. No, I'm too tired. I just, mm-mm.

I believe that there's, some have some added little bells and whistles. There's one that has a little knob that goes in a circle.

Yeah, but even that, I only enjoy two of the settings, two out of 10.

Well, it either goes one way or the other.

Well, yeah, well, that's what I'm saying. It doesn't need to be all fancy, and then the one with the hole on it, you know?

The one that sucks.