#637 - STEVEO + ADRIENNE IAPALUCCI

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Hey, this is Redman coming to you. Live from the comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it Up for Tony Hitchcock.

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Fuck, yes, make some noise for Redman, everybody.

Oh yeah, you're in it now. It's the number one live podcast in the world. Kill Tony, brought to you by Gel Blaster. Red Rose, Yellow Rose, Austin Security Guard Service, Connect Mobile Health, get an IV drip Ninjabuses.com, Hull law firm. And a special shout out to the best golf clubs in the world. Sub-70s I mean, un-fucking-believable how great these golf clubs are. If anybody knows anything about golf, you know that this is a crazy promotion because they're literally the best golf clubs in the world sub-70s.

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No, no, you gotta do better than that. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what?

Oh shit, motherfucker, Oh yeah. Steve-o Adrian Iappellucci.

Back in the cockpit again with the Great Steve-O bucket list. the newest special worldwide digital premiere tomorrow night, November 14th. Welcome Steve-o. Thank you.

You were just kidding about Dr. Dre. It's a lookalike. Yeah, it is a lookalike, yeah. So I was like, if that fucking asshole's here, man, you have a history with Dr.

Dre I love Dr. Dre. Here's my bro. I got a joke about him in my new bucket list special. Oh, you do, yeah. I reached out to him. I said, Hey Dr.

Dre I found this guy who's willing to put a four inch needle into my spine and inject a drug into my spinal cavity to render me paralyzed while I'm in a full sprint.

And Dre said, Wow, do I hate that idea?

For those of you that don't know, Steve-o is fucking doing his own goddamn tricks and fucking I don't even know what we call it Steve-o. Shit to a whole new fucking level. I watched the intro to this special and my mind Multimedia Comedy Special, Multimedia Comedy Special. Yes, absolutely, it's more special than a normal special. it's fucking so special.

It's so special. I might give it a golden ticket to perform every time we have a bunch of handicapped people that win golden tickets.

Can I tell them about how it starts? Dude, go for it, so fucking he's. I mean, how do I even describe it? Bilber is?

I wanted to make it an elaborate, big deal opening sequence. We always wanna do that, so I thought it's gotta be how I get to the theater. Maybe I can start out on a rooftop where a huge helicopter like hovers above me, drops a rope ladder.

I grab the rope ladder and the helicopter just flies off, with me hanging on by my bare hands and, like, throws me. It, dunks me into a lake and then I'm all wet. And then through the electrical wires and like.

The Dark Queen of New York comedy taping her special at the Comedy Cellar December 3rd and 4th. Epic Times this weekend. Here. Hanging out, Adrienne, how you doing? I'm good.

I love it, so excited. All these people know who I am. Yes, this is a true debut, an introduction to the Kill Tony universe. We're going to have fun tonight.

Over 200 innocent souls signed up for the chance to hopefully get their name pulled out of this bucket. That is how things are going. They are stuffed into a bar next door, waiting, hopefully, hoping, hoping that someone comes over and yells their name. They run through the back to the backstage area, where they wait nervously, and then I call them up.

They get 60 seconds of standup time uninterrupted, you know, their time is up and near the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then, or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. And then I interviewed them. We find out more about them with our Esteem panel.

You guys ready to start the fucking show? Well, you guys know how it works. I'm going to pre-pull a name out of this bucket and we're going to grab them while that is happening. I'm going to introduce your first comedian doing a minute tonight. He's a regular on the show and he has been for now. What two and a half years?

Went from living in his van to absolutely being a superstar. Sells out every single weekend, adding shows to his sold out headlining weekends. The kid is a full, bonafide, successful comedian. Ladies and gentlemen, this is another brand new minute from the great Hans Kim, everybody.

This is Hans Kim, this is Hans Kim, this is Hans Kim, this is Hans Kim. Thank you.

Thank you guys. I recently went to a strip club in Atlanta, or, as I like to call it, a black box theater.

And my girlfriend got mad at me because I followed all of the strippers on Instagram.

She doesn't like it. When I follow Instagram models, she makes me unfollow them, which I think is the wrong move because now I don't get to watch them grow old and ugly.

They stay young and fresh in my mind forever.

Unlike her.

Hey, if I'm supposed to call midgets, little people, then what am I supposed to call Mexicans?

All right, thank you.

Wow, another new minute from Hans Kim. Everybody absolutely doing it again. Red Band and I both very impressed at your unfollow Instagram joke. Thank you Tony. I maybe should have saved that one for later, but you know, I'm glad that I did it.

You're talking about your upcoming arena battle, my upcoming battle. Yes, Rick Diaz against Rick Diaz, but no, I'm glad that I did it.

Got it out of my system. My girlfriend will watch it one week from now.

And it should be fine.

Does she get mad at you for all the stuff you say on here? I blocked Kill Tony on her YouTube. Did you really? Yeah, it doesn't show up anymore. Wow, and you think she doesn't have a way of going and finding it.

I don't think she wants to go out of her way to be sad.

Very interesting. But she knew you before she met you, She knew what she was getting into. She was attracted to you from this show, yes.

And now she can't handle it. Yeah, you know, like Patrice O'Neil said, The fisher, you get the fish, and then the fish is like, why do you have a fishing pole? Wait, what?

My goodness, way to misquote one of the greats.

All right, all right should have stayed alive.

Whoa?

Yikes, wow. So let's talk about this Atlanta strip club a little bit. What happened there? Did you get a lap dance?

It was a totally made up story. Just to do some racism. Wow, look at that, just to do some racism everybody, not just to do some racist jokes.

He's being very honest, just to do some racism, not to do racial jokes, not to do jokes to do racism.

I love it. This is the Hans Kim we've grown to know and love. Yes, truly racist, because he can get away with it, yes.

I mean, I'm not racist, I just enjoy it a little too much, but.

Like, if you're attracted to children, but you don't fuck children, you're not a pedophile.

This is another. There's a lot of, fucking, a lot of TikTok clips coming out of this set tonight. Holy shit, wow. Did George Carlin once say that? what great comedian's legacy are you tarnishing now?

Oh my God, this is incredible, Hans, absolutely amazing.

What'd you guys say? What's the craziest thing about Hans Kim? Any words of wisdom from Steve-o or Adrian? any take on? Can you explain the racist joke?

I just didn't get it.

The black box, I mean, a box is a slang term for pussy, right? And then a black box. Theater is like a theatrical venue, like, you know, it's like a place where you watch Shakespeare. And to juxtapose that.

It's where people perform when they start standup, if they're not already worldwide famous Steve-O, Right? It's where if they're not a giant movie star. And you start an art forum, you perform in a black box theater. So that was a great joke, thank you.

That is true, that is true, I showed my work. I'm an Asian, I do math.

I love it, I absolutely love it. Adrian Any thoughts on Hans Kim? I like that you figured out a way to think about fucking kids.

Without fucking kids, thank you, you really are Asian, it is true, it is true.

We all look like kids over there, that's true. What did you just say? we all what? we all look like children over there, so.

Oh, okay, all right, yes, and also here, yeah, everywhere we go.

Amazing Hans Kim, you did it again, you got the show started. You're a legend. Not an easy job to do, and you do it every fucking week.

Hans Kim Everybody there, he goes.

All right, I'm gonna pull another name to wrangle, while this person makes what I believe has to be their Kill Tony debut. Make some noise for out of the bucket. This is the part where anything can happen. You guys kind of maybe get it, but we're about to meet this person together.

Make some noise for Tyler Randall, Everybody, Tyler Randall. an opportunity of a lifetime for Tyler Randall.

Hey, my name's Tyler, I'm just kidding, y'all can call me daddy.

Have y'all ever choked on a dick? Well, I have not, because I don't have a gag reflex.

Anyways, so my best friend had a baby.

And then an abortion, and then a baby, then an abortion. And I think she's finally done having kids now. But for a while there, her and God were just sending each other babies.

So I started college again recently, and I'm a millennial, but most of my classmates are Gen Z. And now, listen, I'm not saying I condone school shootings, but I understand why they happen.

And I know I look like a spoiled, rich white kid, but just like all of my Black friends, my dad wasn't around. So there's one thing me and my friend had in common well, and we both called each other the n-word. So really, two things, I'm joking, I'm joking, Okay, you could finish it.

What was the end of that? I don't actually have a Black friend. Ah, there you go, Okay, very funny, Tyler Randall.

Very funny, unbelievable, no gag reflex, huh?

If you wanna find out after the show, you know what? I think we just found our newest regular. Everybody. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

I'm kidding, all right, you had George Michael loaded up already. Look at that. wow, amazing. This is my dear son.

I've never told anybody about the apple. Doesn't fall far from the gay tree. With you, okay, that's enough, Jesus. We work into the sound effects.

Hot fingers, red band over here. So Tyler, let's talk about it. How long you been doing standup? I started in March, March. Okay, fairly new.

Few months of standup Okay, what made you wanna start stage fright? I wanted to get over it. I've kind of, like, always wanted a career in entertainment.

So I was like, what better way than like, exposure therapy? Okay, very nice.

Clearly, facing fears is a thing you must also be afraid of. Getting AIDS. It appears as though you jumped right into the getting AIDs because I said I would blow you. I don't think that's how you get AIDs, by the way.

Pretty sure you need an open wound inside of your butthole for that one.

But who's paying attention? You know what I mean, you know so much, that's true. I study the art form very closely. So you started in March when you say you wanted a life in entertainment, so you decided to face stage fright first, what type of entertainment are you talking about?

Well, I started taking voice lessons, like probably five years ago, and acting lessons, and then comedy and improv. So whatever happens, how do you afford all these lessons? What do you do for a living? I do hair.

I've been doing hair for almost 12 years. Okay, all right, what type of? What's your specialty? Balayage? So if anybody needs balayage, come see me. Wow, somehow that is the gayest thing you've said up here.

I have no idea what that means, but that was gayer than admitting you don't have a gag reflex. I don't know what made me ask your specialty either, but that was fucking balayage.

Is that like Napoleon Dynamite style? What is that? A little input from Red Band there.

It's just like a color that blends down from your natural into blonde on the inside, like her hair. Oh, you have a little balayage. Are you talking about the roots? Okay? Another one from Red Band, No Roots. That's usually like, as he gets it now.

Okay, Red band very active early on in the episode Here We Go.

Okay, so Tyler, let's talk about it. You make all this money doing hair, so you're kind of like a wildly successful hairstylist, I guess. So I'm kind of I'm ready for something else.

I've been doing it for a while, so okay, where do you see all this going? You've started in March? Here you are on, Kill Tony, what else? What are some big goals for you?

I want to move to New York. Where do you live now? I live here. How long have you lived here? Eight years?

Where are you originally from? I'm from West Texas, a little town called Brownwood, West Texas. So oh wow, this lady is from Brownwood. Wow, this is incredible.

Wow, you were born in Brownwood. Brownwood is also what he has after he ass-fucked somebody.

Have you ever thought about that before? Brownwood and your chocolatey dick?

It's what I call my Indian friend. Oh, okay, all right.

So Tyler, very, very interesting Steva. What do you think about this kid? He said that he admitted that he doesn't have a gag reflex. It was not an admission, that was a brag.

And what I want to know is, what do you charge for a?

For a balayage.

You can buy me a drink next door after this show, whoa.

Like, when you do somebody's hair, you know, my lady, she'll get her hair done and it'll be like some outrageously expensive shit. So it's usually between like three to 600, 600, and that is for cutting, yeah, like balayage.

Cut color, Yeah, balayage.

It's what I do. Oh, my goodness, look at you now, let me ask you this what do your West Texas parents think about having someone so incredibly gay for a son?

Are they like tough Texans? Because I'm looking at this lady right here and she looks disappointed in you and she's not even related to you. No, they're supportive, surprisingly, but yeah, they both own a ton of cash, they have guns, and yeah, they're like small town Trump people, like probably most of this crowd. Yeah, absolutely.

Or big town Trump people like most of this crowd. Yeah, exactly, absolutely, because a good economy and no wars was a good thing anyway. No, I mean, no, I'm kidding, totally joking, guys.

No, let's not get political shut up anyway, 2024 anyway, Steva.

Can you, could you do an impersonation of a not gay guy? Ooh, good fucking question. I love it. I've been doing one for 30 years.

No, no, no, you cannot.

You son of a.

If anybody wants a balayage after the show, have you ever done a double balayage before? Are you asking for you? And Steva? Oh, everything you say, it's just you're trying to fuck me, you're trying to fuck me. Here, Tyler busted.

You could buy me a drink after the show. No way, no way, no way. I haven't paid for a drink in Austin since I got here. It's not happening, it's not happening tonight.

What is your drink?

STEAMIN Oh, come on, come on. It's too easy sometimes. Splash of blood. I'll have a cumtini, please.

I don't remember what I ordered at Mitzi's last time I came to the show, but.

Oh yeah, one in the Mitzi, two in the Shitzi, you know what I'm saying, dude? Absolutely.

Absolutely, you're a wild boy, all right.

So let me ask you this no gag reflex. Can you show us with your hands the length and width of the largest penis that you've ever consumed?

Like this microphone, was it shaped, kind of cone-like like that? No bigger lady. Shut the fuck up for the rest of the night, control your whatever.

That fucking thing is.

Just a big, long brown shaft. Okay, was it a Black guy? Um, when you say brown, it could be multiple long brown shaft. Is also his Indian friend.

Hi-yi-yi-yi-yi, hi-yi-yi-yi-yi. I am long brown shaft.

Hell yeah, some of that cheese beef, you know what I'm saying? some of that fucking Comanche, you know what I mean? some of that fucking, some of that fucking Brown River.

Okay, all right, that's enough. Anything else crazy? We should know about you, Tyler, before letting you go. Adrian, What do you think about this guy?

What do you think about your little brother here? I think he's great, I love you too. If you want to stay in comedy or show business, what you need to do to take it to the next level is transition.

You have the joke, so you're so funny already, that would really put you over the edge. It is true. I wish Jessica Rabbit for Halloween. That's a good start.

Jessica Rabbit, put the carrot in the wrong hole. You know what I'm saying, rabbit joke? Then you really make your parents proud.

It is true, being a normal gay guy is so ten years ago. It's time to up it to the next level. You could kind of have a Rhea Perlman look to you, you could pull off something like that.

A little bit of an old reference, but Red Band loves it.

Tyler, I'm going to give you a big joke book. You could shove this anywhere you want, in your mouth, your butt, anything you want to do with it. There you go and he can catch it.

He caught it, much like Monkey Pox, he caught it.

Make some noise for Tyler Randall. Everybody. He's also leaving here with a gel blaster. You don't want to know where that's going to end up his butt, it's another stuff up his butt.

Joke All right, pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for Kojak, everybody, it's Kojak.

I'm Tyler's black friend.

Hey, I'm Black and I'm gay.

I know I look like David Goggins. If his sole motivation was to suck a marathon of cock, who's going to carry the cocks and my log?

Instead of killing them with kindness, show them how to kill them with kindness, show them how well you suck. Seed, stay hard.

Don't stop sucking dick when you're tired, Stop sucking dick when you're done.

I'm Black and I'm gay. I'll leave you guys with this. I'm Black and I'm gay. Hey, I didn't get HIV.

I stole HIV.

My name is Kojak, you guys are great Kojak ladies and gentlemen, and this episode is extra gay to start here. This is absolutely incredible.

It's amazing, two for two out of the bucket pulls. D-madness is in hell right now, everybody. for those of you that don't know, D-madness is our senior homophobic correspondent. He is blind.

And he has only one type of person he doesn't like, and it appears to be gay men. Is that fair to say? D Yeah.

I'm dead. That was amazing. Oh, that was amazing. Imagine how homophobic he'd be if he could see some of these faggots out here. Oh, I'm pretty sure he smells your guys, dicks is the problem.

That's why I answered the question the right way. That's right. D-madness Absolutely, you can do no wrong. d. You're absolutely kind. How about a hand for d-madness, everybody?

The man, the myth, the legend.

So Kojak, you've been on this show before, correct? That's right, that's right. How did it go last time? What happened? It went good.

I got a handjob at the lake from nephew Laser, nephew Laser. Yeah, it was a twink with a mullet. Oh, there was another kid with a mullet on the show. yeah, and you said he looked like Uncle Laser.

It was Uncle Laser, Gotcha, gotcha, okay, and he gave you a handjob after the show. No at the Lake.

Right, but that was after the taping that you were on. Yeah, that's right, okay, I'm just trying to understand what you're saying here, and he was on the same episode as you, yeah.

Okay, did you tell him that you were going to talk about him giving a handjob to you? Well, no, look at that. You guys just throw each other under the buses all the time.

The back of the bus, there you go, right, absolutely all right.

I'm still black, okay, Kojak, we got you, you're black and you're gay. We pretty much get it at this point. How has your life changed since you were on this show?

You've only been on once before. How long ago was that? That was about four months ago? Okay, so what's gone on since then? Oh, it's great.

I've been getting shows, people know me, they call me, they say, Hey, you're black and you're gay, and I'm like, Yeah, that's me.

Thank you, that's really your branding, that's your thing. There's only one baby. Wow.

Yeah, there's a lot more than one, but it is incredible. it is incredible. He literally wears anal beads around his neck, it is amazing.

It takes a specific type of gay man to rock the Anal Beads Red Band. Last episode. You were doing the Black and gay thing after every joke. Also is that your whole like 15 minutes is just doing the Black and gay stuff. Or do you have any material?

That's not about you. No, I did mostly David Goggins stuff, but how long of a set can you do? I've done like 20 minutes before, okay?

All right, I've done a few shows. Okay, absolutely. Kojak. Do you have any other special skills or talents that we haven't talked about before?

Hmm.

No, but I was thinking that when I was 14, it was the first time I ever went to a stripper bar. A stripper bar, yeah, a strip club at 14, yeah.

You're talking about a strip club, an actual stripper bar at 14? yeah, what's a stripper bar to you? What does that mean? Exactly where are you from?

I'm from Philly, Philly, and you went to a stripper bar in West Philly, okay?

In the back of a liquor store, the back of a liquor store when I was 14, there's strippers and it's a bar, yeah.

It was pretty ghetto, not a club, not a club. Was there a pole? No.

No pole, no pole. Was there a stage? Yeah, two nasty bitches on stage.

Okay, all right, Heineken bottles. Is that when you became gay? Oh yeah.

Oh yeah, 14-year-olds should not be seeing that. So what happened there? It was like a club full of like, imagine, like a club full of David Jolleys and like two 14-year-old boys. And go ahead, boy.

Go in there, get up there. And he pushed us to the stage, to the front and the ladies were doing stuff. I don't know.

They were putting Heineken bottles in each other's vagina.

And I don't know, it kind of scarred me, and so I don't know. Nature versus nurture. I don't know if I was born gay or if that just scarred me.

Did you feel gay before that? Yeah, yeah, okay, that makes sense.

That kind of really stamped it on there, right? Okay, what's the gayest thing you've ever done? You're so excited to be gay and black.

I'm going to ask, what the blackest thing you've ever done is after this? But we'll start with gay, gayest thing you've ever done before. Really think about it, take a second to think about it.

I played catch on a nude beach with my boyfriend in front of a couple hundred people. Okay, what type of catch?

What type of catch were you playing balls?

That's pretty gay handball football, we throw the football around, okay, but naked football throwing.

Trying to reclaim our youth. Baby, okay, so football is the most gay thing you've ever done?

I get a feeling throwing a football is also the blackest thing you've ever done. So I don't even think I need to ask the second question. But let's go with it anyway, What do you think the blackest thing you've ever done is? I make a good baked macaroni and cheese.

Blackened cheese Oh shit for Thanksgiving. Wow, look at that.

You want to come over? Nope.

Nope, I'm going to stick to my craft.

That's a mac and cheese joke right there, fucking out of nowhere, all right. Thank you, thank you very much.

Okay, Kojak man so much gay on this stage so far. you guys have anything for Kojak? any thoughts or anything? If you didn't tell us that you were gay, I never would have guessed.

Yeah, bro, I'm straight as fuck bro, I'm straight as fuck bro. Yeah, so is that it?

The other guy couldn't get straight either, straight as fuck, bro. Like you don't have any kind of an affect or anything. It's maybe not right, but could you do an impersonation of a gay guy? That's a good question.

That's a good question. Oh shit, do not put that in your mouth.

I saw the gay wheels turn in there.

Gay wheels activate. What is that song? Transformers like? Oh my God like, hey.

Like, I don't know if I was born gay, or like, I don't know. I imagine if I was born gay. I'd be like, in the womb and they would cut me open. I'm like, Ew, get me out of here, it stinks in here, all right, that's terrible.

I know Adrienne, you have anything for Kojak. I actually like the gay thing you just did better than your dream.

I guess I'll play up to the stereotypes I really liked Don't stop sucking dick when you're tired, stop when you're done. That was fantastic.

That's a good question. Keep that, stay hard there, he goes. Kojak, everybody.

Last time you were on, you got a little joke book, there you go, use it.

All right, I'm going to bring somebody up here to take all the gay out of the stage real quick. We're just going to sage it with an extremely straight man.

Ladies and gentlemen, yes, the good old straight saging of a man that loves a vagina very much. He is an absolute star, famous with children and adults all around the world. Make some noise for the viral sensation Kill Tony regular This is Cam Patterson, everybody.

It's been, it's been gay as fuck so far. They got a lot of people know me now for the guy that likes rocks, and that's cool.

But every time I do a set, somebody yells it out, so yell it out. Before I get to say it, I'm going to tell you something This is real shit. I will stone the fuck out your ass.

I'm tired of hearing it leave me the fuck alone about it. Okay, like, really, now that I got out of the way, I can go on my set.

I was walking down the street today and a cop has seen me. And I was a walk. That's my favorite crime to commit. And I was a walk in a cop and see me, like, Hey, what's your name? I'm like, What you like, what is your name?

And listen, me and cops don't get along. So I was getting ready to run away because I was terrified. He kept going, What is your name? and I was like, What the fuck do you want? and then he went, Do you like rocks?

And I was like, you should have started with that bitch.

And I was like, Yeah, I do like rocks. And then he was like, you got some in your pocket? I said, yes, and then he arrested me.

That's my time. Thank you guys so much. Boom, exactly one minute. Cam Patterson.

I love it talking about rocks. Yeah, it works, it works.

What you're famous for might as well fucking stretch it out a bit. I want to talk about that shit, absolutely.

I got a big one, this is huge, somebody gave me this shit, boom, damn.

I met a guy 10 minutes ago that could swallow that.

Yeah, that nigga would get in hell, dog. Yeah, dude, it's bad. You might have to keep that rock away from d-madness, he might try to throw it at him or something like that.

End up hitting an innocent, innocent audience member.

So Cam, that's fun. How's life going? Tell us about it. Good bro, I got clothes.

Now you see, I got clothes and shit, nigga, I'm wearing clothes and shit and I got shoes on.

That is what it's all about. You're making money, might as well spend it. I do remember, I do believe it was only about three or four months ago. You're up here in a plain white t-shirt, sweatpants and slides, saying I'm never going to change.

And here you are. It took no time at all. Decked out, polo, full bodied suit, complete with tennis shoes like a fully grown adult.

I got that first theater take, I'm like, Nah, I'm done, this is over, we do live that life.

We are getting on a jet this week to go to Phoenix and San Diego. Crazy nigga, living jet life with our wild Texas friends. Hell yeah, I can't wait.

I'm going to send a dumb video to my homeboy like, Nigga we in a jet, fuck nigga, we doing it, we living life right now, bitch, fuck you.

I'm having a good time and it is going to be your first jet ride. What are your expectations in this type of situation? I just hope we land, that's all it is.

All I hope is that we land. That is the most important part, there is no doubt about it. And you bring me two white bitches on the jet, that's what I want.

That's all I ask. Two white bitches Yep, well, there will be two white bitch types with you.

I don't know, I don't know. Does William and Hans count?

Hans ain't even white nigga, that nigga, Chinese, Vietnamese and some other shit.

He's neither one of those things.

That's right, I know what my nigga Hans is a killer. Fuck Rick Diaz.

Yeah.

Yeah, he a bitch.

Yeah, I do, I did a little bit of it. Yeah, I thought, so, I think you're a really good looking guy, great energy.

You know, thank you. I like your teeth. Thanks man. Hell yeah.

Hell yeah, yeah.

Hell yeah, yeah.

How much do those teeth cost? Oh my god, which set the one you just took out. Damn you got more.

You got different ones. Yeah, I've been through teeth.

Hell, it's a fucking disaster, man. my whole body is a fucking disaster. I can only imagine you do wild shit, man.

Yeah.

You're like, the most extreme white man of all time. Oh, thanks, man.

This is true. Thanks, man, and you have not seen extreme until you see Bucket List making its worldwide digital premiere tomorrow absolutely wild. But seriously, how much do you think, just on teeth alone, if you had to guess, how many balayages could you buy?

Wow, with all the money I made, stapling my balayage to my leg.

You talking about your balls? Yeah, hell, he did that.

He did that, yeah, drop in the bucket, baby, that's crazy nigga. So what are you going to Phoenix for to get a cigar?

With him, yeah, he'll take me everywhere you're going on the fully grown tour. Yeah, he'll take me everywhere with him. That's where he goes to go.

Do racism Yeah, we all go to go do racism, I lock up phones and we do some racism in different cities.

People pay money for it and it's working out just fine. We have added shows to the 2024 stretch. In Portland and Boston, very, very liberal cities, it seems very excited of having very, very different jokes in their cities. It's going to be fun.

Absolutely 100 congrats man, I like that, thank you so much.

It's been a trip, bro. I really enjoyed it. Thank y'all so much. And all that shit. Tony, I get to see seasons for the first time because of Tony.

That shit was crazy, nigga. That's true, real shit. I seen the leaves change. I ain't never seen that shit before, dog.

He was, it was pretty wild. Philly, Youngstown, Cincinnati Yeah, yeah, that shit was cool as fuck, bro.

Yeah, life is dope. You're going to see New York City December 1st, that's going to be a snowy little winter wonderland. Second show at it there.

I ain't never seen snow. Oh shit, you've never seen snow before? uh-uh, wow.

You're going to love it. It is, Yeah, am I black?

People love snow.

Yeah, this nigga d-mass, I ain't never seen snow this nigga.

That's true, that is true, you feel it, dude cam, you're an absolute star, you're fucking unbelievable.

Your trajectory is wild. Perhaps one of the strongest regulars in the history of the show. We fucking love you, love you man, Cam Patterson. Ladies and gentlemen.

He's done it again.

Brent Reed.

Hey.

Hell yeah, called my dad today, I was like, Hey man, how's it going? He goes, brother. If I was any better, I'd be twins. Can someone here explain to me what the fuck that means?

My favorite one growing up. He'd be working on something, I'd give him advice, he'd go. Brent, I'm the one fucking this pig, you're the one holding it down. You ever heard that one?

It's like, All right, well, I'm six.

He just taught me bestiality, nonconsensual sex and metaphor, all in one swoop. Getting adjusted, I'm getting adjusted to. Austin had my first tarot card reading.

Anybody here worship the devil?

Yeah, tarot card readings are fun, because sometimes you get tired of hearing about why you're sad from a licensed therapist. You know, sometimes you need to hear it from a charismatic 19-year-old witch, somebody with some real credibility. My girlfriend's into that stuff, she's into tarot.

She's into astrology, I'm more realistic, I'm into things like professional wrestling.

I think I'm running out of time. I was talking to a lady recently, she told me, Skinny guys have big dicks, You guys ever heard that? That's how I found out.

All right, well, fuck me. all right, there you go. What was that joke going to be?

She says This was a long setup. Dude, just forget it, forget it. I don't even want to know. It's a good bit.

No, no, no, it is. It was too long. I don't think it is all right, that's fair.

How's it going? Welcome Brent, first time on the show. Second, okay.

When was the other one six months ago here? Yeah, right.

How did that go about? The same? Okay, yeah, you moved here since then.

Or have you been here? Yeah, I've been here for eight months, eight months. What made you move here? Exactly comedy.

Yeah, I did comedy for four years in Huntsville and then in Alabama, and then moved here to further pursue it. It's been going better than it is right now, right? I love it.

Lady, this fucking bitch in the front, you are absolutely the worst. You have to stop making that noise. It's driving me absolutely fucking insane. Are you cool? Can you not make that fucking noise?

It's horrible, you got it. I don't care. If you don't enjoy yourself for the rest of the night, you need to shut the fuck up, you're horrible.

If you do it again, we're switching you out and you should know better. You come here all the time and you brought this fucking freak with you. It's so annoying. This is a live show, it's annoying.

You guys are in the front, it's fucking horrible, you're so annoying, you're terrible. It's so rare that I hate someone in the audience so much, but you have figured out a way to fucking penetrate everything that I hate about an audience.

It's unbelievable. I know her actually really. Yeah, she's friends with my friend Heath, Oh Heath Quartus.

Yeah, whoa, oh my goodness. Heath lives on my couch. Heath lives on your couch.

This is incredible and you've seen her on the couch with Heath. Yeah, wow, yeah, actually.

Okay, boy, oh boy, truth comes out. Has this all been in the past three weeks when you got famous? Oh yeah.

Oh, yeah, right, she was never there before. No, and now here, she is in the front row, making a bunch of racket. Boy, you were quick to fucking figure out, huh?

What a slut. Hell yeah, oh yeah. look at those fucking itty-bitty titties right there, unbelievable.

Unbelievable, perfect size for heath, that is true, that's a mouthful for heath, okay?

Just moving along smoothly here. Yeah, let's do it. I think we have her quieted down for the rest of the fucking night. It's going to be perfect, so that's awesome. Brent Reed What do you do for a living?

I work at the airport, making pizzas at the Austin Airport. Yeah, Austin Airport Baby Salvation Pizza. I shouldn't have said that.

There you go, so via 313 you work at, it's at gate 11. Okay, yeah.

Pretty good we're committing now. Fuck it. That's a left turn from TSA, though, right? Not a lot of people make it down there.

Yeah, not a lot. Yeah, yeah, left out of Tsa. Oh yeah, I just had it. oh yeah.

Red Band buys an airplane ticket just to go there and then Leaves takes it to go. I get a wheelchair, that's right, a wheelchair.

I love it. So Brent, what do you do for fun around here? I do a lot of comedy, I'm not doing a lot. I've been depressed and not doing a lot outside of comedy.

I do comedy and go to work. When you say you're depressed, what exactly does that mean? what are your symptoms? Just being sad and playing video games all the time, how can you be sad when you have sweet little heath cordis on your couch?

No, he's the best, he's the sweetest boy. Yeah, man, yeah.

No, he's the best, you're right. He is a son, getting home from work and having him. Yesterday I got home from work and he was on the couch.

He goes, Hey, a nice lady from Australia sent me a picture of her titties today. And I was like, I love the updates that I get from Heath. I was like, that is a nice lady, that's nice of her.

It is amazing, everyone's rooting for him tremendously. Heath is a monster. So you met Heath in Alabama? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I met him in Alabama. We weren't close until a couple months ago. He stayed on my couch to visit and then he came and moved on our couch. We weren't close before that.

He's only been 21 for like two seconds. So he wasn't allowed to get into a lot of the shows and stuff. Amazing. But he would crush every time at, like, a coffee shop or whatever when I saw him.

Yeah, he was great. Yeah, I love it. Do you guys write together?

Do you guys hang out? Yeah, a little bit. yeah, we write together, we hang out, we smoke weed.

Touch butts. I love it, it's good, I love it. Have you taken advantage of having?

Do people think, like, your father and son when you guys are hanging out all the time? Yeah, I think that our neighbors think I'm fucking him.

They're from Alabama. Yeah, that's it, father and son, mom fucking.

We're not actually related, I'm not attracted to him.

But yeah, yeah, I take advantage. What's your type? What are you attracted to? I like my cousin.

Good one sister.

I like a lot of chatty, heckling women in the audience tonight. What's happening out there? what's going on? Oh shit.

Go ahead, you do your thing. No, it's okay, I think they'll get it. I think it's because you gave two a mic up here, so now everybody thinks they can do it.

Cool glasses if the women in the room behave themselves for the rest of the show. I'll do an ad next week for equal pay. How about that? How does everyone feel about that? Is that good?

Is that a deal?

Fucking.

Stevo, I was really waiting for your answer to the question of what you're into. Because if you said you were gay, I would totally believe you. Surprisingly not gay. I think I would do well if I was a gay man.

Not a gay man. If I'm with a white woman, I like a pale lady with tattoos, but I was with my first Hispanic lady recently, that was fun. How did that go?

Cool butt Just the best butt. Wow, that's rare Hispanic women. cool butts, No.

Rare No. It's usually square, square, butt, nothing, red band.

Again, extra Red Bull or something before tonight's show? That's a lot of contributions tonight. Square butt, white women jokes. spongebob. squarepants is what I usually call Mexican women. oh, spongebob, squarebutt.

That's fun, that's good. Is skinny guys have big dicks? Is that a thing? I heard that once and wrote a joke about it.

Have you guys ever heard that skinny guys have big dicks? No, got a yes here, got a mean no from over there.

It must be a no, because you would have said I have a big dick. Yeah, well, the joke is, we don't have to talk about it. It wasn't funny.

Why don't you do the end of the fucking joke instead of the beginning, the middle, the middle, and the middle of it?

Skinny guys have big dicks. That's how I found out that I gotta gain some weight. I'm supposed to be fat. I didn't realize this whole time my skinny body was writing checks.

My little Wiener couldn't cash. You know what I'm talking about? There you go.

Go to whatever fucking coffee shop you're headlining and fucking cut all that shit out and see if it works. I should have done that first and just opened with that joke. I got nervous, I wasn't even planning on doing the part.

It's okay, I don't even know how you make that joke, as long as you made it originally. It was a different joke. I think. I think I blended two together.

Right, I'm fucking up bad. It's okay. Yeah, it's okay.

What do you think? The white trashiest most Alabama thing about you is my dad. Oh, tell us more about this guy. Yeah, I have a blue collar construction worker.

Dad, you know which surprises people because I look like this, What'd you get last time? A small joke book? Yeah, small.

We're doing small again. Nope, all right, there he goes, everybody, Brent Reed, everyone.

All right, thank you, fun times. We're gonna keep it moving along. We got another bucket poll coming. Make some noise for Nathan Daniel, everybody.

Our next comedian is Nathan Daniel. Make some noise for Nathan, everybody.

Wow, what a great night, man, you know.

Not once did a car pull over. It sucked. But in high school, I got the name Chris Farley, you know, because I was just fat, funny and high on cocaine all the time. But don't worry, I really wasn't.

I have ADHD, so I'm constantly just hyper. I just use that as the excuse. But I did get a drug addiction and I found out coke and meth put me to sleep, so that was a real problem.

But you guys like dark humor.

How much time do I got?

You guys like dark jokes, all right, true fact. okay, all right, that's all we got. Okay, there you go, Nathan Daniel on a very special, either gay or boring white guy episode of Kill Tony.

And you're not gay, you know, all about gay, right? Tony, there you go. We've already done all those jokes, I know.

You're 40 minutes late.

My name just got pulled. Okay, Nathan. again, this is very, very good. welcome to the show. maybe take a breath, Nathan.

Take a breath, you've been on this show before, correct? Yeah, yeah, how did that go for you? Horrible.

Horrible. How do you think this one went compared to that one? Horrible, right? It's pretty bad now. How do your other sets go?

I haven't really been able to get sets here. How long have you been doing? not here, not here at the mothership? No, no in Austin. Why have you not been able to do sets? Because I live all the way up in Waco.

Okay, all right, that makes sense. Waco makes sense, because your sets are indeed a house fire. Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right. So what's the best joke you've ever written in your entire life?

How long have you been trying stand-up? I literally just started last year and I have 15 sets in Seattle and that was doing really well. And so I was like, I had a traumatic life scare, I was about to die. Tell us about that now, I'm interested.

Yeah, so four months ago I was actually 320 pounds, I lost 120 pounds. How did you lose the weight?

Just literally just stopped eating, smoked a shitload of weed and played video games. Okay, what was your ailment? what? what was the ailment?

Fatty liver, Fatty liver. Yeah, is that from drinking a lot? No, I don't drink.

That's the funny thing. It's just because I ate so unhealthy and I didn't drink water or anything. I was just like, Fuck it, Joda's got water. Gatorade Powerade, it's good for you, right?

Who does this sound like red band? Well, I suggest liquid IV, they have these new cereal. Yeah, I just started doing liquid IV since I've been listening to Kill Tony Music promo Kill Tony.

Oh wow, thank you. what a great ad read. I always like to get the least funny person to promote products on this show. thank you.

I do believe we just lost a sponsor. Thank you so much. I'm sorry. I try to do what I can, but it's better than what we had on earlier. A lot of liquid HIV.

Am I correct? Yeah, my goodness.

Okay.

So here we are. You've been on this show before. What did we learn from the interviews on your last time? What were the most interesting things about you, dude? I was so high that I was like, it looked like I was just bawling my eyes out.

Were you kind of unbearable? Did I get rid of you pretty early? Yeah, probably. yeah, I'm going to do that again.

I'm going to do that again right now, okay?

Nathan Daniel Everybody pulled a name. But you know what? Let's do something again. We're about to clean up this mess again.

Before I saged the gay away, this time I'm saging the boring white guy away. Ladies and gentlemen, we have the return of one of the greatest Golden Ticket winners in the history of the show. In fact, I can honestly say right now that he was discovered on this show for America's Got Talent and he is indeed an AGT finalist. This is the return of the legend.

This is Aaron Belisle, everybody.

I might be retarded, but I don't like rocks.

I collect straws, just got back from Canada, and I'm so glad to be here in Texas, the land of the free and the home of the plastic fucking straws.

Breathe through this straw bitch.

Because of my disability, I need a plastic straw to survive, but now the Canadian government is banning them, so I've been dehydrated since 2020..

Look at my arm, it looks like someone put a watch on a piece of beef jerky.

My hand isn't even a hook, it's just like the plants at my house, dehydrated and dying.

The 6th Street junkies flock to straws like pigeons to feed. So any time I'm getting harassed, I throw a bunch and run.

So all of this was just to say, Fuck turtles, I'm gonna be giving out free plastic straws at the end of the show. Please grab one and protect the disabled community by killing a goddamn turtle.

Fuck yeah.

Another new minute Plus Plus by Aaron Belisle. Now I actually know for a fact, this is true about you. You do drink every drink out of a straw, even if it's in a can, even if it's in a bottle.

We've hung out, actually, Aaron is one of my favorite people to hang out with. A little fun fact in Austin. Because I understand everything that he's saying. Because he just sits next to me and shows me shit. And then I laugh and I'm like, Fuck, yeah, dude. It's like a friend that has subtitles.

It's amazing, I don't have to say what, I know. Everything he's saying, he writes it, he kills.

He's fun to hang out with, and you do drink everything out of a straw. How's life, Aaron? Tell us about whatever you want. Oh, here we go.

I had to make cuts in my life, there was too much, so I sold my house in Canada and now I'm a real Austin comic homeless.

Now, I guess I forgot to mention that is indeed true. I signed some papers, I do believe Roseanne Ron White Everybody signed papers. And indeed, how about this?

Aaron Belisle is an American citizen. Everybody took a while.

It took a while.

Those feisty Canadians have a real problem letting go of their few talented people. But we fucking got another one here. Tony and Red Band have helped me more than anyone probably ever will from Kill Tony. I went to America's Got Talent to be a finalist and get my comedy visa.

And I won exactly what I wanted. I came to kill Tony and asked for 30k and a green card and guess what I'm getting that? And I paid for it with money I earned through my content after kill Tony.

And in return, Tony only asked me for one thing. Tony was all like, pick a eyeball with your fucking hook hand.

What the fuck that was retarded. AI, I can't believe you recorded me asking for the one thing that I wanted.

Oh, there's more. And I'm like, Well, alright, but Red Band needs to hold me upside down like a keg stand.

That is true, and it was worth it. I'm into weird shit.

Hell yeah.

Aaron, what else is going on? what else is happening? The great, the powerful Aaron Belisle speaks through a phone gets more laughs than most of the people do that have a fucking voice.

America's Got Talent was great for the most part, it got me the visa I needed. I'm starting a tour. And, best of all, I got a free psychiatrist. When my audio got cut in the finals and they thought I might kill myself.

AGT hooked that up. Oh my god, that is how evil fucking, I guess the finale. There was audio problems, like he got fucked.

He pretty much lost the whole thing because of audio problems with the sound people there at AGT. Unbelievable, that is. Absolutely. I have a gag order, so I can't tell you whether I saw Howie's head or Simon's cock. Wow.

I love it. There was a guy earlier that has a no-gag order.

He didn't have a gag reflex.

Aaron Belisle cooking up something over there. Let's see what happens next. So America's Got Talent was a fun experience. For some reason, they tried to dress me in a green fucking pantsuit for the finals. I look like Ellen DeGeneres's retarded niece.

They do that, man, I'm telling you, TV is weird, they do weird things, It's all very bizarre, they try to make you look bad.

If you don't do everything yourself, it's a weird fucking thing. I watched this ever since, the first thing that I worked on, the first roast, the first show on Comedy Central. They do weird shit, they try to make people kind of look bad.

Yeah, fuck yeah, absolutely. You been getting any fucking pussy from all this action? What's going on over here?

Are you fucking reverse finger-blasting somebody or something?

Every night. Yeah, absolutely okay, that's good, and you're living your dreams, literally your first episode here. There was some jerk-off attorney in the front row, Harvard Law degree.

That guy ended up doing nothing right. Made a bunch of promises strung you along for a while, which stringing you along is an interesting thing to do, since you're built like a puppet.

Here we go.

He was a fucking idiot, worse than this girl. Yeah, it's crazy. he was sitting right there, right in fucking seat.

One center. It was just nothing worse than when there's just a complete asshole in the main seat there. Yeah, did you and Steve-o plan to dress up together as lesbian lovers? Oh, come on, come on.

We actually got dressed by the AGT people for this show. I love it. Aaron Oh, look at this, he's cracking himself up over here.

This is gonna hurt my feelings. Here we go. I have to wait for it. This is the worst part. I have to set him up.

Okay, Aaron, anything else? I tried to buy it just to show you, but they said, no, oh, they said you weren't allowed to buy it because they knew you were gonna make fun of it. Oh, those assholes, Oh my God.

It's amazing.

Howie is like the voice of reason on that show. I mean, it is wild. Everything else seems kind of like there's no real, you know? Like comedy lovers, it's all like they just want to be mesmerized by goofy shit, and Howie is like the senior representative of comedy there. Did you guys? ...?

Howie was so, so, so, so supportive backstage, man. Did you have to type each so, or did you copy and paste that?

So so, so so, I thought he short-circuited for a second. Howie was so so so so so so so, so so.

Fuck yeah, dude.

Stevo, What do you think about the great Aaron Belisle here?

You emanate joy, dude, like, there's this smile, it's great it, uh, and the way your mouth is so wide open all the time.

Like, Are you sure you're not gay?

John D's playing music while Aaron Types is definitely my new favorite thing ever.

Some typing music here. Hey, two, one, two, three, four. oh shit, oh, shit. oh, he's stopping them.

He's got pockets full of straws. This motherfucker cancel. I have no gag reflex.

Can I be in one of the insane Clown Posse videos? Wait, what, sure?

You're bringing your rap career back, right? That's right. I fucking started rapping again. I wrote this great song called I Love My Woman but....

Except one week a month, my girl is a cunt.

Well, this got awkward.

Fuck yeah, absolutely absolutely. You said you have no gag reflex. I must say that is so so so, so so gay.

The great Adrian Iappellucci is probably your first time seeing an Aaron Belial. What are your thoughts? I think I saw you yesterday, you had a dog with you, right? Where is he?

Oh shit, look at the wheels, turn in here, folks. Oh boy, oh jeez.

He's at home, okay, there you go, so you only need him sometimes. Oh shit.

Oh boy, there he goes.

I only bring him out for votes in TV. Yeah, that makes sense, that's right, I love it.

Let the dogs out. Okay, there you go, very good.

I might look retarded, but I'm smart. I don't know exactly what's wrong with you. Am I allowed to ask? Cerebral palsy that has affected his voice box? Oh, okay.

Got it. So what's the dog for?

Just the votes.

Are you asking him or the guy that brought an actual dog out to the show tonight? You fucking idiot, let the dogs out?

What is this guy bussing tables? Dude? get out of here. Come on bro. we could do that later. This is a fucking taping dude. Save it for the stand-up shows, bro.

How about a hand for the amazing staff here at the Mothership? We're constantly evolving the show as we go, doing as little work as possible. Yeah, we're gonna contain her to the back, so this guy's gonna grab her purse, see how quickly that happens.

Yeah, it's fucking magical. That's how that works. Very sly, almost nobody noticed whatsoever.

Yeah, dude, yeah. I have the dog for peanut butter tricks and stuff, and he gets me beer and bitches. That is true. Absolutely, Aaron. we absolutely love you.