NFL Week 1, Fastest 2 Minutes, The Bears Will Always Lose To The Packers, Max Finally Beats Hank And The Cowboys Rolls

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music on today's Pardon My Take. It is week one of the N.FL season. It's great to be back, we're going to talk about every single game.

What, what?

What?

Down to Atlanta, where? And Frank Reich back at it again, being beat by men in black and red uniforms. Pardon me, but do you have any great coupon? As Pijan Mustard? Robinson put some sauce on it and hot dog his way into the end zone as the Deep Woods couldn't catch up. And he'll relish his first professional score as the D looked like Buns Falcons 44, the Panthers 10, that was plenty boom.

To the Great White North, where Kirk cousins seemed like Philip Rivers when he was looking to add a son. As he hooked up with Jordan for a deep score in the first, Trey Balmer had the Vikings defense looking micro soft as the Bucs are clearly developers, developers, developers of talent. Justin Jefferson could be seen pouting on the sideline after the loss as he stared at a tablet listing all the guaranteed money Kirk Cousins has made in his career. So spread.

Bucks 20, Vikings 17. We head over to Round John, Maryland, where Jack Del Rio was seen defending the nation's capital after a peaceful transfer of power. From Dan Snyder to Josh Kamala, Harris turning to former Redskins coach, saying We did it. Joe Gibbs. The Cardinals defense shit themselves and had a howl movement when Sam scored the game winning touchdown.

In Indianapolis, where Trevor Lawrence said, Nothing comes between me and my Calvin as the Whitey played against Tidy. As they briefly look like they were gonna drop one against the Colts. When Buckner scooped up the ball like it was a pina, Jenny's ice cream and the entire stadium screamed Run to forest run. Unfortunately, Jenny had AIDs and the Colts lost Jaguars 31, Colts 21. They sending me to Vietnam.

JENNY This is hollow the country. She had Aids. Those must be comfortable shoes.

We have a special guest. Boomers from both sides of the Patriots Eagles game first up.

Hank, what?

We go over to New England, where, before the game, Patriots Nation were treated to a tribute to Tom. Terrific Brady, seven-time Super Bowl winner and fellow attendee of the Catch. The game started less than terrific for New England as Darius Slave Bitch caught a tip, caught a wet, wet tip ball and took it 70 yards to the house for a touchdown. Hunter Henry Locke would look like a sex icon and certified stud. Put in the pants on the board with a second quarter touchdown. Kendrick Holy shit, that's. Jason. Bourne cut two touchdowns, and in the fourth quarter, Jalen Squirts let the ball leak out of his hands for a fumble.

We head back to Foxboro, where Buccaneers legend Tom Brady got got a watch. Whack Jones take on the Eagles. Ezekiel Smelly. It started off his Patriots career, yum yum, numbing his way to an early fumble that put the birds up big.

We head out to L.A. where Vic Only Fangio's didn't get any picks. You have to pay extra for those, but just like the rest of the internet, he'll show you all the free D you can handle. Tyreek Hill is the most dangerous guy with a geographical name since Cliff Huxtable. It was the battle in Los Angeles, as Cullen, in the name of Moore, said, Fuck you, I won't to it, you tell me, fuck you.

Would you tell me? But the charge is lost 36 34 in the windy city, where just steps away from Lincoln Park, I put my jaws in you fields. Push as far as he could go, but in the end it doesn't even matter. And, like, Lincoln Park, fans have become so numb and wish they could just DJ more.

Anyone who ever said you were elite was bold-faced, lying.

And it's week one for all of us. Let's go marching. 1615 Weird score boom, and that was week one. In the books brought to you by our friends at Chevy, there's a new family with unstoppable grit, and they're the official partners.

By saying, I do love football and it's so good to have you back football, I love football as well.

I will get to being sad and so will Hank. But we have to talk about every game because that's what we do on on Sunday nights for the Monday show. And I was thinking about ordering the Games, PFT and the biggest win in the early Games, because we always go chronological order. Washington Commanders, 20.

Arizona Cardinals 16.

We won, we're want to know, you're want to know, and your owner showed that he can give a handshake.

He was shaking, shaking everyone, all the hands. He was stunned, stunting on all the haters. He was walking up and down the aisle, shaking every hand that he saw.

He looked like someone in his PR team was like, Hey, you know what happened with Joe Buck? Week one home game, let's get you pounding some flesh. I want to look like it was the Iowa Caucus, just shaking everyone in the stadiums hands, being like, look at left hand, right hand.

He was doing it all. Left hand is strictly for being up, right hand is the handshake hand for him. I was on box watch. I'm on box watch all year with Josh Harris because he's got a lot of dudes in his box.

So the game got hairy when Sam Howell did a Carson Wentz spin right in the in the shadow of the end zone. Which was not the the most opportune time to be. Like, I'm gonna get out of this pass-rush, watch me do this sick spin move. But yeah, he, he had moments he flashed, but yeah, the deep the defense is what you guys are gonna rest your head on all year.

Yeah, I was sick. Pretty, pretty. Dominating performance and to ice the game, or one of the last plays of the game. Jonathan Allen sacked Josh Dobbs with his ass, just like backed his ass right in love. It knocked him down. There's a big ass that's hitting you if you're, if you're Josh Dobbs. The defense for the Arizona Cardinals looked like they were pissed off that they're in tanking mode.

Should we apologize? Because I think Jonathan Gannon because of the pew, pew, pew electric shots? We think like he's an offensive coach, he's a defensive coach. Obviously, that defense was way better than I thought it was good.

Yeah, the defense was good, but they were also playing really pissed off there. Yes, they were doing like late hits and and going after Sam Howell's head. A little bit. My favorite move, by the way, when it when a defensive player, like, hits a sliding quarterback in the head. Sometimes they'll pretend to be injured, too, for a second. Mm-hmm. So that they're like, Hey, you don't penalize me? God's already penalizing me for I'm dealing with karma right now. Yeah, I hit and I'm hurt too.

Yeah.

The the play of the game was by the official in the first half, when Sam Howell was scrambling to the sidelines. He gets lit up, going out of bounds, knocks the ref over. The ref had to go out of the game, but the ref hits his arm. He's got blood all over his hand, he's laying flat on his ass, and then he just sits up and immediately throws a flag.

It was the undertaker gift in real life.

Yeah, did it and then did his job and then called for the cart to come over and take him off the field. So that dude's awesome, he rocks. But it was like a. I was watching Sam Howell play today and he was playing at the same time as Brock Purdy. And I think it's Desmond Ritter, too. The three lowest paid starting quarterbacks in the N.F.L. all won today. mm-hmm, the highest paid quarterbacks.

Played against bottom-bottom teams, but that's, yeah, that's true, yeah, because the Panthers and the Cardinals big kid.

I'm cherry-picking a stat to try, like, I'm a narrative, I like it. Yeah, yeah.

Have a really good high paid wide receiver? Yes, exactly no team has ever won a Super Bowl with a high paid wide receiver.

You should just draft a quarterback in with the last pick of the draft every year, and then he's gonna be the lowest paid guy in your team. And then you can.

Win a Super Bowl? I mean, there is something to be said. We're kind of going, you know, every year it's like, How do you build the team? Through the trenches we found with the running back? Obviously, that that was a whole story. Now, you know, Brock Purdy and Sam How? and I wouldn't put Brock Purdy and Sam Hall in the same spot.

Yeah, pay your defensive ends play, pay a left tackle, and then pay a tight end. Yeah, and if you have a, if you have a game changer at those positions, then you're gonna be good.

Yeah, you're, then you're good, but the yeah, the. I knew the Cardinals were in trouble when we. When the game flipped on and Matt Prater and his All-Reds with his little, belly untucked jersey was kicking off. That's a tough look, that red is tough if you, if you're a fat guy.

Yeah, they had an offensive lineman that had a little belly overhang there, it looked like the kool-aid man.

Yeah, those are some nasty uniforms of cardinals worth that. Yeah, you can't do. I feel like the color rush on a non.

Thursday night, it just doesn't really play. I have a question for a big cat, Do you think that Dan Snyder watched this game?

But I hope that he watched. If he watched, I was rooting for the card. Oh, for sure.

100. He was root for the Cardinals and he was watching it, you know what? He probably did this move. If he watched it, he would see, like all the superstars that were there, how excited the stadium was. And he'd probably be like, Just wait, Josh, they'll turn on you too.

Yeah, you think that you think the half-half price hot dogs will get you? I actually think Dan Snyder might be watching the NFL. Not even rooting against the commanders. He's just rooting for, like, more Demar Hamlin situations or concussions. To just end football. Yes, he's really hates everyone in football.

He wants football to end, he's rooting for the the complete and uttered demise. He's probably gonna go around to. Like youth football camps, passing out flyers about how football is dangerous for your son's health. Yes, like, you shouldn't let him do this, you should like the very dangerous sport. Yeah, did you see that Will Smith movie?

Yeah, people are talking about it, tell the truth, tell the truth, tell the truth. Okay, so good win for the commanders.

Congratulations to you. Um, actually, my player of the game on offense goes to Tress way. Yeah, the punter and the holder. He had two great holds today. And when you see that happen in the game, you realize that being a holder is probably a very, very difficult job. It's all pressure.

Okay, so next game Browns 24, Bengals 3. I'll lead off with Jamar Chase's quote. After the game. He said I'm just frustrated because I called them fucking elves and we just lost to some elves. So he had a lot of choice. Words for the city of Cleveland and the franchise of Cleveland before this game.

Listen, if you gave me that much money, you'd be lucky if I showed up, that's true.

You'd be lucky if I was alive in three days. Yes, so it was, um, it was a really, really bad game for the Bengals. Yeah, and I I do fit, there's times where I feel smart.

He was very ugly. What do you think Jamar Chase meant when he said Cleveland is a city of elves? I don't know, I think it's the logo, I think Brownie, the elf at midfield.

Jamar Chase Miles Garrett, after the game, talking to Florio, said that Jamar Chase was talking shit and said that Cleveland is Cleveland, which it is. Fact, that is a fact, and that it was a mistake because it upset Miles, Garrett and Garrett said they'll say Cleveland is Cleveland, but we're gonna make that a great thing instead of what they're trying to make it out to be.

So it sounds like Miles Garrett is hearing Cleveland is Cleveland and thinking negative things about it, right? It's actually Miles Garrett's mind in the gutter. Yeah, right, like Jamar Chase might have been complimenting.

He might have also just been like, if you're looking for Cleveland on the map, look for the thing that says Cleveland.

Well, there's, there is some truth to that in the past, I haven't really believed. When people are like, you know some, some cities are just loser cities. And you can say, like, the Browns are the browns. To a certain extent, that's. That's sometimes true, yes.

We'll get to a couple later.

There was, um, the one, the one lineman from the Browns, after the game was over, tried to get into the fan suite to drink beers with him. They wouldn't let him in. Oh, he was pounding on the glass, being like, let me in, let me in. And they're like, Oh no, sorry, you can't come in here, he said. They had a no white tees rule, so we let him in.

Oh, I mean, this game was the rain. They are. Oh, you ever confirmed? dude wipes? Oh dude wipes. Yes, that's right.

Passing yards, but they also only had 75 rushing yards, right? They? They just shut him down.

They looked, and it was even like Jamar Chase and T. Higgins, who always win those one-on-one battles. We're not able to win those one-on-one battles. And Jim Schwartz in his he was probably all nipped out because a little chilly. But the Browns, outside of losing Jack Conklin, which is pretty significant, yeah, looked like they might have kind of figured something out on defense.

Oh yeah, you look pretty good at times today. Real X-factor, though, was Dr. Heat was in the crowd. Oh, he was slamming some Brewski's pregame. What was he doing in the Muni lot?

Yeah, let's zero blitz, zero safety, zero blitz. The Um. So Joe Burrow, I hate to go, cuz I'm gonna say something positive about the Bengals. But he had 31 past temps, 82 yards, that's the third few ish yards with 30 plus passing attempts since at least 1950. So again, it was a very bad day. They had 10 punts.

You're the Bengals, and and you were to be told before the season started, you're gonna split the season series. With the Browns. You'd probably take that so because they can't, you have your chance at home. Killed by the Big. They can't beat the Browns, except for that one game last year, but it was in Cincinnati, right? Yes, I think so.

I don't think, I don't think Joe Burrows ever won in Cleveland. No, so it's, yeah.

It's the Browns kind of have their number, yeah, and Nick Chubb was awesome today. He had 18 carries, 106 yards that was built for Nick. Still doesn't wear gloves in the rain. Crazy, which is nuts.

Well, if I could wear it over my torso, yeah, I'd probably look better. Yeah, just just wrap like a moo moo.

Yeah, wrap it around her like a giant sash. Yeah, you don't see my gut.

Okay, so I'm high on the if we're going arrows, pointing, I'm high on the Browns after one week, which I know it's overreaction. And I'm not changing my opinion on the Bengals, I think they're one of the best team. You got the sideways arrow.

They delivered a stinker. Let's see what happens next week. Yeah, the Browns look good. Kevin Stefanski run the damn ball, man, run the damn ball, run Jim Schwartz. play some deep.

Yeah, yeah, let him nip it out. Okay, I'm going some raisins next next game 49ers, Steelers. This was an absolute pasting. Is an ass-kicking. it was an ass-kicking through and through from the gate, from the get-go.

Yeah, and I'm upgrading my Brock Purdy take from not just being good on the 49ers to just being a good quarterback. Yeah, I think he'd be, I think he'd be okay on any team. He wouldn't be as good, obviously, as he is on the Niners. Because he fits that system perfectly and it's a very quarterback friendly system, but I think he's just a good quarterback.

Fumble recovery behind the back. Yeah, after TJ, what? Who was a monster this game? He was like the lone bright spot for the Steelers. Absolutely manhandled him, so mm-hmm. credit to him for that. He, I don't know how he kept his hands on that.

Yeah, that was nuts craft. His arms behind his back, TJ what was trying to grab it from him and couldn't get it out of out of the small of his back. Pretty much I was talking to jersey Jerry after the game because he was, he was dismayed by what happened. He's pretty much given up on the entire season. But we were talking about some consolation stats, like when your team loses, you want to find one guy. When you could look at a stat line and see a bright spot and just like, look at the numbers that he put up.

You got this hank, you got the sink.

51 51 sack. Is that true? Yes, 34 plus 17 is yes. If he's Ron, yeah.

I did, I did, I did, I did left hand up, I did. Doubted Hank. Yeah, no, doubted myself. T.J.

What look how is the most impressive thing I've ever seen? Hank Yeah, on the fly, I have 17 math, football, math.

Thinks I got. That was the worst home loss in the Mike Tomlin era, which is crazy. Just shows how consistently good they are, but I don't. Similar to. It's a little different than the Bengals, being like, the Bengals are gonna be fine and they're gonna be there.

Played one of the best teams in the NFL, the Steelers. A lot of people in Pittsburgh had some hope, but I don't really understand what they did with their offense in the offseason. It's like they're doing the same stuff they did all last year, they've tried nothing, and they're all out of ideas.

They'll piece together the offense by week three. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I. But again, they that that's just a really tough team to play week.

Yeah, well, according to Skip Bayless, who said If the Super Bowl were today, the 49ers would win it easily. Whoo, I don't know if the Dallas Cowboys might have something to say about. Yeah, we'll get to that game later.

But yeah, that's true. Dallas Cowboys look pretty damn good. Um, I still think the Steelers will be a decent team, They just played a really fucking good team. I think they'll be like seven and ten.

I did notice that Kenny Pickett and Nick Bosa, they both got weird big helmets now, yeah, it's almost too big.

Any your helmets too big? We love you. You know there'll be better days than today, but your helmet is too big.

Do you think that if you don't play an important position like quarterback or defensive end? And you're like a third stringer, like third string middle linebacker, that doesn't get in the game? And you ask for one of the good helmets that protects your brain, do you think they give it to you?

They probably only have a couple. Yeah, it feels like that's a science. Oh, you got a ration that out. Yeah, right, like that.

We want you to be safe, but also you don't really, you don't really get any stats last year.

So how safe do we really need you? Like, I wouldn't be surprised if they figured out a way to make an anti-concussion helmet. But it's like a B2 bomber, where it costs like six billion dollars and they can only give it to one guy.

Yeah, stealth, Yeah, right. Or what they should do? They should make the helmets. They probably do actually do this. They make like fake helmets that look like the good ones, that offer no protection whatsoever. And then they'll give it to like a bad player.

You'll be totally fine, okay, thank God. I did a hank tried to torture me by watching the end of this Giants Cowboys game. I did a line in the sand under on it because Tom Fornelli Sunday night under sets his play and I almost lost it by the dumbest game ever. We'll get to the Cowboys Giants later, but it feels good to win one.

What about Kirk? We're already, we're already here. All right, let's say this. He had a bad interception today, a very, very bad interception.

Doesn't really have a run game to work with and he also was under pressure all day. This is the new part of my take, where we try to say nice things about Kirk cousins. Also, Adam Schefter did tweet about how I think this is the eighth consecutive year that he took all his money. Guaranteed good for him, made like 230 million dollars, so good for Kirk. That's a lot of sweaters from Target, but yeah, the Vikings.

I think that this was. I'm looking more at Baker in this game than I'm at Kirk between. One is a new team, yeah, because Baker it. I feel like his first start, I feel like his teammates love him.

So, yeah, so it's Browns, Rams, Bucks. All his his debut with all three of those teams he won. And then Matt Rule was the only one who couldn't, couldn't get that big and squeeze it.

Yeah, he looked weird in the Panthers uniform, he did. yeah, he did everybody.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but yeah, I. The Bucks defense look very good. I mean, they were all up in Kirk Cousins face all, all game. And yeah, I feel like the Bucks might have been one of those teams. That, like, they felt a little disrespected. Because everyone's like, Oh, they're gonna suck. And they came out and proved that, hey, we're like, we can win the NFC South, why not? yeah?

I feel like Baker was the best quarterback that nobody wanted this offseason. I'd agree like he was. I think people threw him under the bus way too soon, they put him on the junkie too soon. Yes, I don't think he's gonna be like a top five, top ten quarterback.

But I think he'll be, he could be a good quarterback with that defense. And then Mike Evans and Chris Godwin like they. They absolutely can win the NFC South and they proved it today. They went into Minnesota, which isn't an easy place to play.

I could see, I mean, the division that they play, and seems like it could be wide open. So I thought it was like it was kind of weird how everybody was talking about. Mike Evans deserves better than this team before they even played it down a football. Yeah, that was really strange. It was like they better trade him because this team is gonna be at the bottom of the barrel. Also Mike Evans has is.

What is he like, 31 or something? He's a Hall of Fame career and he's won a Super Bowl. I don't, I mean, it's not. It's not one of those situations where he's played on just bad teams for a decade.

Do you think Mike Evan? Yeah.

Oh well, I was gonna say, cuz I know myself like I would definitely be one of those guys, like, all right. Starting September 7th, I'm done negotiating with my team and then, like, September 9th, when I'm at the hotel before week one. I'm texting the GM being like, but just maybe like, a couple million more, like, could we do it?

And I just keep negotiating, or if you're a GM, you just go up to Mike Evans, be like, Hey, I know that we're done negotiating. But we raised our price 5 million, right? But we can't give it to you. Sorry, sorry, I would, I bet. And then, yeah, then the the The Glazers would match, but unfortunately, we can't do that at all.

Yeah, Jason Lee, if you're listening to this, let Mike Evans know that whatever you were offering him, PFt.

And I would match that, but unfortunately he kind of goes shading. I was gonna offer Mike Evans 200 million dollars to do a podcast. I was gonna say, 400 million, yeah, well, then I would, yeah, 200, yeah. But unfortunately he won't accept it at this point. Yeah, I was gonna give Mike Evans Dave, actually.

I was with him in Tuscaloosa this weekend. We were talking about it and Dave was like, Should we just give parcel to Mike Evans? and I was like, I, we should, but we can't negotiate. He won't accept it, he won't do it.

We'll have to wait. Yeah, I was gonna, I was gonna give him Stephen Che as his personal slave. Yes, so put, but unfortunately.

Can't take it, Jake. Can you please report that that Barstool Sports was willing to to be given to Mike Evans? But he's done negotiating? You can, you can report it tomorrow. So it's unfortunate for it is it's too bad.

I really wanted to give the company to him. Yeah, Mike Evans probably does want to get paid more, just so that he can afford more money to give for Jimbo Fisher's buyout. Yes, just so, like, just to see that fun that's any Texas A&M player that's in the N.FL right now. You should hold out immediately and everybody get an extra million dollars, put it in a big community pot and then try to buy out.

JIMBO FISHER Yes, yes, get it, get it done right now, all right. So yeah, the box. I was impressed by the box, I was impressed by the box.

Did you see Justin Jefferson after the game? Yeah, he was, uh, he was looking like he lost a football game.

I'd agree the it will be made into something more than it is, because I'm not gonna do the like. Justin Jefferson's upset, he's mad, he also he didn't like.

Like, I'm not gonna make more out of that than what it is. So big head. Are we? Are we losing the Diva wide receiver?

I think that's what we're doing, we're grasping. Exactly that's exactly right.

Like we were, we were so lucky for such a long time, with a great list of just insane wide receivers that we could always be like, look.

At this diva, yes, Tio, Randy Moss, Antonio Brown, Antonio Brown, Odell, when he, you know.

Maybe if he gets good again. I don't think he's good enough to be a diva, though. I know he. If he. If he started acting like a diva. They'd be like, You're an asshole, right? We don't need you, I know, but yeah, we do. I feel like there's, there's no true diva. Number one wide receiver in the N.FL.

Yeah, even like Jamar Chase, flirting with the whole, like I called them fucking elves.

Mm-hmm, that didn't really even make that. Many headlines made him sound like he was in Lord of the Rings, yeah.

Yeah, it made it sound like he lost to a bunch of elves. Yeah, who would be Jake?

Can you? can you try to figure that out for us? Who is the biggest diva wide receiver right now, man? Because the NFL take ecosystem desperately needs, but they have to be elite. Yeah, a guy that'll like, slap his coach in the face, oh, and George Pickens if he gets good.

He's my number one pick for for next up in the diva draft, the Diva Draft, but it's not even. He's not in Diva. He's just wired different. Yeah, I feel there's a difference between diva and wired different. Yeah, it's like Antonio Brown Vontaze perfect wired him different. Yeah, you know what I'm saying, like, he was not as diva, and then he became that way.

I think he was always a little bit weird, though, you never know. definitely a little bit weird, but he wasn't like pulling his dick out in a public swimming pool. Weird, correct, correct that that definitely makes it remember when he lived with Tom Brady? Yeah, I wonder the shit, Tom Brady?

Yeah, who do you got, Jake? I mean, I'm just looking at top receivers in the league, Tyree.

Stephon Big Tariq is a couple tendons. He did slap like a seven-year-old guy in his face this offseason. So there's that, yeah.

No.

We need, we need somebody. Yeah, Cooper Cooper Cup is a diva. Oh, that'd be great. I love that. We do need. Oh, you know, dk, dk dk a little bit of a definitely be diva, Diva K Metcalf.

Yeah, what people are calling them out there, all right, do us a favor. DK Just get a little more diva to you.

Yeah, we'd like to do the piss celebration. Yeah, hold out, it was so fun though. When every offseason that would, that would take up, like the DAK contract extension portion of the offseason, where you spend like two weeks talking about math. Instead, you'd have Terrell Owens doing sit-ups in his driveway and, like, Calling Andy read a pig.

Yeah, really awesome, really. Moshi, you know, saying straight cash homie in the in the parking lot. Yeah, I have one who came back today. Michael Thomas. Yeah, I could be in that, for sure.

He's more of like, a, yeah, a er, wide receiver, though. yeah, spins, all right. How many, how many weeks you think he's gonna play this year? I don't know.

Yeah, yeah, you had a big catch. Start the game. Yeah, five, five, yeah, five, five weeks, that's good.

Yeah, before we get back to the Games, I want to call attention all small business owners, if you have five to five hundred employees. You were a responsible business owner who continued to pay taxes. You employed staff during the pandemic. And Omega Accounting Solutions is a small business champion, helping you and your business get back the money you deserve. Through the CARES Act, recover the payroll taxes that you overpaid as a refund of up to twenty six thousand dollars per employee. Even if you got the PPP loan. Learn if you're a good candidate in less than ten minutes with a free consultation.

Okay, let's get back to games next up. Very fun game. Jags 31, Colts 21. My first thought from this game is, I forgot how fast and awesome Calvin Ridley is. Yeah, he's really good.

I would like to walk back and take permission to walk back and say, yes, please. I think Trevor Lawrence might be better than Justin Fields. Uh, yeah, I just like to start with, listen. I had a lot of kidney stones for the last couple years and I finally pissed the last one out last night, so it was probably the stones talking last year.

He's pretty damn good. The Zay Jones pass, he had another one to Ingram like, and he also was like, the Colts defense was actually kind of in his face all day. Yes, the Jags offensive line, without Cam Robinson, who's who's serving a four-game suspension, looks a little little light.

Yep, for for for chaps did send that to me as the sad Jags stat of the day. Yeah, it is. It's shocking to think that that's never happened before. But when you think about it, I don't think that the Jags were in the AFC. South for their entire existence. Yeah, I feel like they were in, they were in, like the the Mid Midwest, the central, within the Central when they first started.

The Texans didn't exist, the Colts belongs to the AFC East, the Jags were in the AFC Central. Mm-hmm Bucks were in the NFC Central, really.

Spends on for the Colts. You look good against future Super Bowl participants. Yeah, Jacksonville Jaguars. Yes, Prisco.

Yes, other notes from this game Tank Bigsby with an all-time dumb-dumb play. He just Trevor Lawrence fumbled and he picked up the ball, was standing there with it and then got stripped of it and it turned into a Colts defensive touchdown. That was, that's just a rookie.

0.

Yes, but I thought the Colts like as they lost by 10. But it was also one of those games, they were in it in the fourth quarter and it was back and forth. Yeah, and they showed some fight and I was like, the other colts might be, I'm gonna put the colts into my frisky category.

I was, I would agree with that, and Anthony Richardson looked like he was like, he's definitely one of the best athletes out on the field. At any given time. Hank will agree with that. He looked good running the ball.

It's definitely it was an ultimate rookie like Start, where it's like, there's moments that you can look at. If you're a Colts fan and say, Holy shit, this is what we were. We drafted him for, yep.

Well, also, he's on pace to match Peyton Manning's career record for the Indianapolis Colts. Right? Yes, cuz Manning his first year lost, like every game that he played, but not the interception record, not the interception record. So he's actually ahead of what Peyton Manning better than Peyton Manning as a rookie, yes.

I think he's the youngest guy to ever throw in and run for a touchdown, too, that's pretty cool. 21 years old, all right. Yeah, I think those Stat was the youngest guy since, like, 1940, which doesn't count, that doesn't count.

Well, it's it's either like way long ago stat before they even started passing the ball, or the answer is Norm Van Brocklin, right.

And also 1940, like a 21 year old quarterback, is like, about to die.

Yeah, so are. You will get ages like you die at like 45, or like all the other 21 year olds were overseas, right?

Right, exactly so yeah, best, best week one.

Colts loss in the last decade, I would agree with that, and there's a lot of two decades banner.

You hang the banner, might have to hang a better. That was the best loss.

Yeah, also shout out to the baby or say, is that attended this game? There were some very funny submissions out there.

Yes, I have one note, though for Shane Steichen, I like what he did, his team was flying around. It feels like Anthony Richardson is the guy. In terms of the locker room, which you obviously want to see right away with your rookie quarterback like guys feel drawn to him.

Yeah, that was tough when they put Gardner mention in the game, his hair is longer and that your hair is longer. And you got to go out there. And oh yeah. We actually kind of need this to win the entire game, but you only get one play and I really needed it.

Well, he ended up getting, go do it for one pat. I think he had one attempt, right? yeah, but he there was a penalty, so he got a couple play. Oh, that's right. Yeah, it was maddening to watch.

I'm gonna be fair, because last year I think we gave their home opener, they got a win out of that. The Colts did I think in a loss.

But wait, they've lost ten straight week once know their home opener, though. Oh yeah, they're home.

It was, it was against the Chiefs. Oh yeah. We gave credit to Jim Ursae because he opened up the roof of the stadium, right. And the glare from the sun caused a fumble by Sky Moore. Which meant that they won the game, right? Jim Ursae inexplicably kept the roof closed for the home opener. You can't do that, Mr.

We got to keep the roof closed, that's tough.

God is the twelfth man, he needs to watch his Colts play, yeah, but hang a banner, Colts fans.

That is the best, the best week one loss you've had in the last ten years, which have all been week one losses. Congratulations. And the the Jags. Pete Prisco might just be right, they might just schedule their way to a schedule.

There are Josh Allen better. Yeah, I think Josh Allen had three sacks day.

Yeah, so they can get after you to get a lead. Yeah, only 12 more wins, so the season's not a disaster.

Why? Oh yeah, that's right. 13. Oh yes, anything less than 13, less than 13. It's a tragedy. yes, a tragedy.

Okay, next up Saints 16, Titans 15. Right, anal sucks.

So that's my Ryan's guy, you want me, you wanna hear my Ryan Tannehill impression?

Yeah, there was so many. There was a couple throws that we saw where it's like, if he just makes that throw, the Titans win this game. Shout out Mike for able for kicking that field goal. We kicked five of them for the spread.

He, I think the defensive back had like a pulled hamstring or a strained hamstring, and so Derek Carr. Through that one long downfield pass, they end up getting them into field goal range. Yes, he just went right after that guy's ago. They got a hurt dude out there.

I thought their uniforms looked cool in the dome today. Yeah, they did. It was a nice contrast, they did. That's kind of the nicest thing I can say about the Titans today that every time we flip that game, we watched the fourth quarter, that game. I was like, Oh, this is, it just looks nice, like the the Saints. Black and gold is a gold or pewter.

I would say that your rookie quarterback will love us, had maybe the best day of any rookie quarterback today. Yeah, zero for zero, zero ints and the guy that's starting in front of him through three.

Yeah, so he's gonna be the most popular guy in town now. Ryan Tannehill That that was the worst Ryan Tannehill Titans game, I think statistically, which is what about the playoff game? Yeah, that was bad, but he also was moving the ball in that game. Yeah, he threw those three interceptions against the Bengals, but he was kind of moving the ball this one.

I am gonna wait for all the facts to come out on Ryan Tannehill, I don't know. We can't make a judgment if he's good or not yet, let's give him another three years.

I feel like Ryan Tannehill had about 50 times the he got them into third and long and then took a sack. Yeah, again, that's probably not exactly correct, but it felt that way. Do you think you're on vibe?

I bet Mike Vrabel looks at this game like, it's a shutout. like, Yeah, you got shut out because they kicked five field goals. Yeah, Vrabel doesn't acknowledge kickers as being part of the team. Again. A huge field goal, big field goal at the end. Thank you. Think that was? I was shocked that he sent the field goal.

They had all their timeouts. It almost worked. The dome was rocking. I heard, by the way, oh, from Mincy.

We got to get mincy to work out with Jameis Winston. Oh, that is my dream.

I think he might actually like he might be the the perfect thing to take Jameis to the next level again.

They should incorporate Mincy into one of his weird workout routines that he does. He just makes noises at him. Yeah, he's gonna be making noises. And James is gonna have a blindfold on. And he has to avoid Mincy trying to sack him just by hearing his noises and figure.

Out where he is. Yeah, yeah, I like it. Uh, yeah, I mean, the Saints, I guess you have to play Derek Carr Cuz.

This is a wild Desmond ritter stat. At one point, he was four for four passing with zero yards and one touchdown. I love it, I love awesome. Yeah, he.

Tyler Algier and Bijan had 80 of the Falcons offense. They do not care about stats, they care about winning. That's how they won this game. That Bijan touchdown was so fucking awesome.

It's like, when you did you ever play that game? Doom back when you were a kid and you could walk through walls. Yes, he clipped, yes, he clipped through the defense, ended up on the other side. It was awesome for the rest of the game. I was like, why aren't they giving the ball to Bijan every single play?

Those are those fast legs that rookies have. Well, they were just trying to win the game, that's it, they didn't care about stats. There was 261 total passing yards in the game.

Yeah, today was the first day for the Atlanta Falcons with a winning record since 2017. Wow, congrats to the Falcons and they went to the playoffs that year. That's a long ass time. Yeah, I respect you for hanging in there, Freddy, the Falcon, by the way, speaking of hanging in there. Looked like he was about to kill himself today.

261 past total passing yards. It's it was tough watch, it was bad.

The NFC South is just impossible to know what's gonna happen. I. It's gonna be like a mosh pit at like an eighth grade talent show and the biggest kids gonna win at the Yeah.

I kind of like it, I kind of like the Falcons this year because you're like, we know what we are. We're just gonna try to run the ball and play some defense and try to, you know, burn the clock and play like two and a half hour games, mm-hmm and win that way. Yeah, why not respect?

You don't be sick if next year in the draft should. Or Sanders and Deion Sanders pulled like a John Elway and said, We're not gonna go to the NFL unless the Falcons take both of us. Yeah, but we don't know it would be, Deion would be, there would be head coach, and then there will be head coach Prime.

He gets all the good players, bring his baggage with me, yeah, and Travis Hunter has to come too.

Yeah, I think he's from Georgia. And then should or Sanders? Wearing the all-black Falcons uniform, Deon should be allowed to wear his uniform to on the sidelines, I would rule.

I like that Desmond Ritter is just the same player he was in college, too. What do you mean? Just like nothing wows you? Yeah, but wins games.

Nothing that he does that. I'm like, Oh my God. I would say that the Falcons are like a group of five N.FL team. Yeah, they're not a power conference. Yeah, let, they're trying to go to a New Year's table. Yeah, and they can. Yeah, they absolutely the right coach, with a great coach like Arthur Smith or Luke Fickle.

That was you were a Nebraska fan. For one day, he lost $3,000, you fuck.

I didn't mean, I didn't mean to stab you in the back on that. But after I said, Luke fickle is like, Well, it's just gonna be hanging out there that I like how the boys fought.

I'm gonna talk about college football on Wednesday like we always do, and I have some thoughts.

Yeah, the Falcons are like they're a competitive on an up year. The Falcons can definitely make some noise and be around in the playoffs. But most years, it's like, Okay, they're, you know, they might have a good record at the end.

But they won't do in the NFC South, who knows? and the NFC in general, who knows? Like, Well, big cat, interestingly enough.

By conference today, the AFC was five and nine. oh wow, the NFC was ten and six. How about that?

I'm just gonna be a sec NFC fan. Yep, NFC. Okay. Let's take another break and we'll do the afternoon games, which I think a lot of people are probably waiting for us to talk about.

Before we get to the afternoon games that are brought to you by Lifelock. Like many of us, you might think identity theft will never happen to you, but consider this there's a new identity theft victim every three seconds. In the United States, that's over 15 million people by the end of this year. One, two, three, somebody else just got their identity, their identity stolen.

Okay, we'll do the games that everyone wants to hear. At the end, there's two of them I think everyone wants here. Let's talk about the best afternoon game.

Has Sunday night on its own. Yeah, to really appreciate it, because this, this is like the Darren Revelle, but no one will talk about it or remember it. Game ever. This was the greatest Week one game of all time by far. Dolphins, 36.

To all the two haters out there to Anon, expect us. 466 yards, three touchdowns. I know that there was a couple underthrown balls in the first half, but if you don't believe in to a that third and ten. With like 340 left, where he had pressure stepped up in the pocket hit, Tyree, killed down the sideline, won the game.

Basically, that was it, that was to. What I love about McDaniel is that he is smart enough to realize that he doesn't have to think his way out of every problem. And he will run the throw, tyree, kill the ball play, yeah, and that play works all the time.

I mean, the game was up and down, so much fun, like it was the I feel like we finally got justice for that Sunday night game. There was dolphins chargers last year that we thought was gonna be a shootout and it wasn't. And we, we now got our like, we got what we deserved.

He goes sometimes when it when an opposing team scores on you really quickly, you feel like you then have to also score quickly. Yes, but sometimes, if it's a close game, guess what? Doesn't matter if you score in like two plays, or if you score in 15, in fact, it's better if you score in 15 plays? Yes, just going to throat, stepping, drive. But coaches sometimes fall into that trap where they're like, Oh fuck, we have to respond.

It's in a message you don't always have to do that. No, and this game could have even more scoring because to had a fumble at the goal line to start the game, yeah, the drive to start the game. We also had the dumbest penalty ever by J.C. Jackson at the end of the first half, where to just threw the ball up with no time left.

They won by two points. Interesting, huh? That that was pretty, pretty bad. That's a big-time C words play.

I hate the Chargers uniforms today, I hate the yellow pants.

Well, because you want them to be the powder blue, I want them, I don't think they're that bad. If the Chargers didn't have the powder blue uniforms, you wouldn't think these ones are bad. You just be like, these are pretty cool.

But you know that there's something out there a little bit better. Also, a great day for Justin Herbert haters, because it's obviously the to a Justin Herbert same draft. He gets the ball back with like a little under two minutes left and wasn't able to do anything. Vic Fangio just started dialing it up on him.

There was also to his performance Today was like one of the best Week one performances since. Norm Van BROCKLIN Wow, and that is one record I would I want. I'm gonna put a bounty on the most passing yards in a game record. Because it makes no sense that that's the one record that stood up for what? 70 years? yeah, a passing record.

We need, we need someone to break that record, let let someone. Just, I mean, pizza party, I'll throw a pizza party.

It's so much fun it is. Yeah, DK had one of those plays today. Yeah, he was wide open, fake, like he was gonna run like a hard turn to the inside. Why would you ever think DK is gonna do that?

No, you can't bite on it. No, no, I have a rollback question. Rollback question RHO Bac K Comm use code.

Right in the middle of the colts, like fourth down play.

And it was Jake. It was like the scariest thing. I was like, if if Big Cat sees, yeah, you're being taken while his entire games on the line, it's gonna be bad. He had a couple of those today.

See, Flowers is so good. So he was so shifty when he gets the ball in his hands, that dude is gonna be a problem to bring down. But unfortunately for the Ravens, they might be reclaiming their old title as the most injured team in the NFL.

Yeah, for injuries, for injuries, and and big injuries. So yeah, so Ronnie Stanley got hurt.

Who else got hurt? I know, J.K. Dobbins. I wonder, Bomb. Yeah, he got hurt, and there was somebody else too. oh, someone on defense.

But that's good, yeah. J.K. Dobbins I feel very, very bad for he had the worst weekend ever. Because not only did he get hurt, but because there was that weird clip from the Kentucky game where the announcer was, like, ten years ago, No, he was a foster child and no one wanted him, and now he's here at Kentucky. That forced the famous Gus Johnson clip about J.K. Dobbins to go reviral, which I don't know if you guys remember that one. When here I can play it for you. Gus Johnson reminded everyone that J.K. Dobbins mom thought about getting an abortion.

On this one.

Both of them are crazy that Gus Johnson saying that is insane during a live. Yeah, there's a Michigan, Ohio State game, too. Yeah, it's tough. So right, feel really bad for J.K. Dobbins, like every last, every year.

He still looked like he was in pain when he was wrong. When he was running down the field. It was like it was tough, he was fast, but he was also limping. I've never seen anything like it.

Scored a touchdown today and then Achilles, like it just he has the worst luck. It fucking sucks, yeah. On the other side, C.J. Stroud Not bad, not bad.

They've got probably the best linebacking duo and in the NFL, yeah, and they were just all over the field.

So I can't. You can't fully judge him based on today. No, no, but people will. But he wasn't, he wasn't bad. Look at us, we're actually doing a really good job of growing as people like we. We complimented Anthony Richardson say said Bryce Young did a couple good things.

Haven't said anything bad about Daniel Jones yet because we haven't talked about the game. Yeah, we will. Also. Marcus Williams to Marcus.

Yeah, but yeah. The Ravens looked like the Ravens, a little rusty, but took care of business. Against a bad Texans team who's back in the week, Ray Rice was on the sideline.

Was he really, yeah, doing what? I don't know. They kept them security by the steps, which is probably good, better place to put them than another thing that could get you up and down. Jeez, Okay, Ray Rice.

Who's back of the week? Yeah, all right back to the afternoon slate. Rams Seahawks Rams 30, Seahawks 13.

Him, Yeah. The highlight of the second half was Geno Smith when Aaron Donald was running directly. I'm going, Oh my God, which was awesome. So that's honestly what I would say.

I called him a pussy to his face. Was he running at you? No, we did that interview. Aaron Donald, you posted every day memes, why are you pretending like you don't know what I'm talking about?

Shanahan McDaniel.

McVay LaFleur Yes, yeah, they all did. Yeah, the Rams, I was impressed.

Yeah, he looked really good on the ball and he was like moving around.

Okay, and they were just running like classic Ram routes, where Matt Stafford kind of rolls out a little and one of their tight ends. Or he was running a curl route. That's unguardable. Mm-hmm. And it just would be like, Oh, 15 yards, no problem. Yep, so I don't know what to make of the Seahawks. Was it was last year flashing the paint again?

That's what week two is for week two is is the big overreaction week, because week one. Yeah, you, you can read. Overreact to, like the opening game, yeah, that Thursday night game, you should overreact to that. You should overreact to the Monday night game and the Sunday night game. But the rest of it you should not. And then week two. Once you get the like two and o, or the o and two next to a team's name, then you can be, like, done, change.

Hank, Whose line is anyway? Can you give us it? We'll guess. I think the Seahawks play the Lions next week. That might be a time to take the Seahawks, but whose lines? Anyway? Where's the game? Find the line for us.

Yeah, I assume it's in Detroit, it's in Detroit. okay, it's gonna be Lions 12 o'clock, Lions.

Six and a half, I'm gonna say lines four and a half, right in the middle, five and a half. Yeah, oh, they don't know what to do with it. Mm-hmm. it's in a Vegas. Oh yeah, it's gonna shift back and forth.

Well, the first half looked pretty good. Yeah, it was so Russ. in the first half, he had 125 passing yards. he was, let's, yeah, 125 passing yards, 17 for 19 to touchdowns.

Yeah, you just look at it every morning, rub it a little bit. And Jimmy G was not terrible.

I have a question for you about Jimmy G. Yeah, is Jimmy G a dog?

Hurt a lot, yeah, but he still plays, he wants to play when he's hurt and he gets hit really hard.

And he bangs porn stars, and he bangs porn. That's a dog move right there, and he's good-looking.

He's very good, look, you see him in his chain no when he was in the fighter pilot, fighter jet.

Yeah, it looked like Tom Cruise he was. It took my breath away. I'm audience, yeah, I'm 18.

He's the hottest guy ever. Mm-hmm. But yeah, Jimmy G. Not so bad I. This is another one where I kind of thought the Broncos were gonna be they're gonna come out and play well and the Raiders were gonna have a bad year. And it's like, Oh, shit.

So you ever know what week one will do? So, guess how many days it's been since the Broncos have beat the Raiders? Oh.

It's gotta be a couple years, huh?

532 Okay, I'm gonna guess over under.

Over.

How many would you guess? I'd guess.

It's a long ass time. The Broncos just don't win in the AFC West, they don't, they haven't. I don't think Patrick Mahomes is beating them for like, seven straight year.

There was that one time that John Gruden went to Kansas City and beat the Chiefs, and then they did laps around Arrowhead Stadium.

Like, flipping everybody off. Yes, that rocked, that's right. I miss John. Yeah, that was the Raiders.

It's crazy, crazy. Well, the Broncos haven't been very good.

I know, which is also crazy because they were one of those teams that for the longest time were like the model franchise.

Mm-hmm, he's consistent, he kind of leave Condoleezza Rice's box tonight. No. Is Jimmy Butler in it? There are a lot of dudes in Connie.

All right, let's do one last ad, and then we'll talk about the last couple games, which everyone wants to hear about. Very badly.

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Okay.

Don't know what else to say, it sucks, Aaron Jones said. Nothing's changed, we're still the Packers.

Yeah, no, and they just they. Nothing has changed. The Bears looked horrendous. Luke gets II. I don't know what the fuck he was doing.

So there's a cycle to a running quarterback and it goes usually something like this. They start out and the offensive coordinator says, Okay. We got a rookie quarterback, he's dynamic with his legs, but we need to protect him because there's bigger players in the NFL. They're not going to be able to run people over, not going to be able to scramble as effectively as they did in college. So we're going to try to teach them to be a quarterback and then they try to make them be a pocket passer. That usually goes off the rails a little bit because they're not used to that.

Then you say, he's better than Trevor Lawrence.

You said, some people say, like, when they're pissing out kidney stones and they don't know what they're talking about. This guy might be better than Trevor Lawrence then in the offseason. That player or the coach is like, we love how good this guy was last year, but we have to protect him. He's not gonna be able to do that forever, so we're gonna make him be more of a pocket pat. And they cycle back to what they did when they first got into the league, and then that's not gonna.

But it was, it was just the whole thing was stupid. It's not even like I, I just don't. The whole thing was fucking stupid and demoralizing and terrible and awful and worse than I could ever even imagined.

So I brought this up to you in the first half of the game. I am still concerned about it you were not concerned about at the time. But I want to, I want to circle back on this item. This isn't fair.

Okay, I had no problem with it. I said to you in the moment. It's exactly like when Bill Russell and obviously didn't work out this way, Bill Russell used to put up Wilt Chamberlain at his house. Yeah, let him sleep at his house before he beat him in the finals.

I just think it's weird that that Jordan Love is like, Hey, can you buy my parents tickets? It's a strange move, and.

I was to say, Jordan.

You said you want to do it again.

Okay, I'm gonna say bucks minus two and a half.

Bucks, probably minus a billion, hammer the bucks.

Bucks minus three. Okay, I have a question, I have a question for Max, he wanted me to ask you to.

Fuck you Max. I was just curious, you guys are all sick? You want me to ask it? go ahead.