Do You Know Where All Your Money Is Going?

Hey, Stacey. Welcome to the show.

My mother recently passed away from dementia, and when my brother and I sell her house, I'll come into some inheritance, and all during this process of us caring for her financially and supporting her through her health, trying to keep her out of a memory care and all of that, I swore to myself, if there's any money left at the end of this, I'm buying long-term care insurance so that my kids don't have to go through this.

But I keep questioning myself because my husband and I am 59, he's 60.. We have not paid off our house, but we're set everywhere else, so we're baby step six.

So I don't know if you want some numbers or...

I'll tell you one of, if not the greatest gift my parents ever gave me through my whole childhood. After I was going into all these homes with the police department and dealing with death notifications and taking care of people who had just been widowed, I remember calling my dad and saying, man, this is really like weighing on me. Do you all have a plan? Right? And we kind of talked through, and he did.

But for Christmas that year, they got all of us kids, they got themselves long-term care insurance. And I remember exhaling in a way that I didn't realize I was holding my breath, because in the back of my mind, I'd always been thinking, well, if something happens to mom, we're going to... And I didn't realize I was doing that, but I was. And when they said, hey, Merry Christmas, this stuff's expensive, so we didn't really get you all anything other than this and a couple of books, I just went, oh, whew. And so I would tell you on behalf of everybody, I think it's a wise decision.

So I really do think, yeah, at your age, this is regardless. if on your... Even if you're on baby step two, I would say this is still something to look into, because, to John's point, it's only going to get more expensive. And if something does happen, it's insurance. It's there to catch those really expensive costs that hopefully are not anytime soon, but long-term.

But I would, yes, I would go ahead and do that. And then also for your house, how much do you guys owe on the house?

They're grown and gone. Okay.

So, Stacey, look at options. And again, go to zander.com and call them. Yeah, I'm pretty sure they do have long-term care. It may just be term life right now. But talk to them, because they're a trusted people that are in this insurance world, and they know all of this stuff.

But yeah, go ahead and get a second opinion and maybe even a third opinion, right? Shop this.

Yeah, it just feels gross.

And so stay away from anything. universal life, whole life, all of it, because they do, they try to tack on all these different types of insurance, and it becomes extremely expensive. And if you had invested part of that money, right, if you went and did long-term care insurance with someone else, it's just purely long-term care. There's no insurance, whole life, parts of that.

if you and your husband, if there's people not dependent upon your income and there's enough for, like burial costs and all that, like you, do want to look at that process. But...

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Welcome to the show.

After repairs and a cut in hours at my husband's job, we only ended up paying $1,000 towards the car after replacing the emergency fund. So, side gig hours are reduced this month, and the budget shows we're doing every dollar. We do a budget every month since July when we started this. And we have about $200 left in the budget this month. And it's so early in the month.

And I'm really worried that we won't have enough money to even finish the month. And my husband thinks I'm just being pessimistic. And so, I'm just calling to see, like, is this normal to have this much of a setback?

But, especially if you're on a really intense plan like this, is that you wish life was just a gradual, you know, line upward. But it's not. It is an up and down, up and down. It almost looks like the stock market when you look at that chart, right? I mean, life just happens.

And the great thing about you guys, though, is that you've had a plan. I mean, before this, if life happened, you probably had no savings. You had debt. I mean, all of this, right? Maybe living paycheck to paycheck.

And so, I think the positive end of this is that, even though it feels like, oh, my gosh, it's a step backwards. It's going to feel like that because it is. But that doesn't mean that it has to continue like that. And it won't. Even though these are the times that it can be so discouraging.

But that is life. And we see that all the time, Mia. People call in. I mean, this is, this is. I'm like, you're going to go through life.

People deal with health issues. They deal with job changes and losses, and moves and expenses all the time that they were not expecting. And that's so common. It's so common. But when something like a car breaks down, I get it.

It's like, it is. so, it's so discouraging because it feels like all your hard work went to a stupid car. And you're just like, oh, my gosh. We want to pay this debt down. So, I hear you.

I want to say that that is so normal, even though it sucks. Like, that's not fun. And the $200 buffer. I mean, I get it because $200 can just go like that, right? I'm like, it doesn't feel like a lot after a while.

But I would say, if you guys stick to it and maybe you pull back from Christmas even more in this season and do a couple of things there, I think you're going to be okay. But I think your fear and concern is valid. So, your husband saying that you're being a pessimist, I don't think so. I think there's a level of a realist of like, things could happen and this $200 could just be gone in an instance. But I also think that you guys are planned and you know what's going on.

And that's going to give you more direction and more confidence than probably you're giving it credit for.

And it just feels like we're not. Like, we were so close to paying off our next debt, which was our last car loan. And he said the difference is that the old us would have just driven to the dealership and taken out another loan.

And I thought I was going to be pulling in $3,000 and he said it's like a thousand. So, all that for $1,000.. It's so disheartening.

And you, my friend, kept your family from sliding back into a deeper hole than you even started from. Because you're right. Y'all would have gone to get a car loan and you would have got something nice. And while you were there, they would have been running an end of year special and you would have ended up getting way deeper in the hole than you even started this whole thing with. And so, I want you to, like...

You saved your life.

Yeah.

And even though it goes to something stupid like a car. Because the car broke. Right? Like, I get it. Like, I get it.

It's frustrating.

That goes in the journal. And that way, when you have these setbacks... And you know what? I hate to be. Debbie Downer.

Your refrigerator is going to go out in the next six months. I just promise you it will. I promise. But you all have continued to work, and work and work. Let me ask you a hard question.

You all make $140,000..

What is it about your expense ratio? Because that's a really good salary. What is it about your expenses going out the door that you can barely breathe like that? Because your debt is $30,000.. That's not an astronomical ratio.

Do you all have really expensive cars or a really expensive home?

And we had money to start paying down the debt, which is why we've been able to pay down the debt in the past few months. Our cars are all over 10 years old. We have a really low mortgage payment. I have five kids and they eat a lot. That's a lot coming in and out.

Celebrate where you are. And I know you're like, ugh. And with five kids, $200 feels like somebody could sneeze and you're going to spend $200.. I get that. I would lean on my husband's optimism in this season and then keep grinding away at it, keep grinding away.

I'll tell you this, on the back end, you are providing your kids a life-changing picture of what hard work looks like, what breaking chains looks like, what changing your family tree looks like. When things that are hard come up in their life, which they will, economic problems, war, relationship issues, their own financial issues, they will have a crystal clear picture of the time. Mom and Dad didn't even get each other something for Christmas because they had something bigger in mind that was changing their family tree. They will remember the months Mom worked every day of the week and missed recitals and missed games and made us cook our own dinner because she was so focused on setting the family free. None of your efforts are lost.

It's disappointing that you didn't put $3,000 down, you only got $1,000 down. But, man, you are changing everything. I'm proud of you.

There's a time set and there's a goal, a very noble goal in the midst of all of that. So remember that, parents. This is The Ramsey Show.

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You know, Christmas, you guys, it is right around the corner. And, John, I've done so many interviews recently for different media outlets, talking about budgeting and Christmas and everyone's shopping and feeling like they're over their budgets and going into debt. And it's insane. So, you guys, remember, as you're shopping, be wise. Don't put yourself in a financial hole.

I mean, there was—I saw a study, 25% of Americans are still paying for Christmas from last year. So, don't be one of those people. Be on a budget. Be wise. And as you're shopping, we have some great, affordable gifts.

Gifts that can actually help the people in your life, help your friends, help your family. There are so many meaningful gifts that are only $12.. At Ramsey Solutions, we're continuing our Christmas sale, only $12.. So, the Total Money, Makeover, Baby Steps, Millionaires, Own Your Past, Change Your Future, all for just $12.. And even your questions for humans, John, it's back for $10..

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And it was the number one bestseller. It did well.

And I had seen an escalation in our kids' Christmas and me continuing to try to show them how much I love them by how much stuff I bought. And last year was a madhouse. I overdid it. I went bananas.

And so, my son and I, we go to – I talk about this a lot. We go to breakfast every week, and he's 13.. And about a month and a half ago, during breakfast, I said, listen, Christmas is going to look different this year. The last few years, I just keep buying more and more stuff, more and more stuff. You and your sister, you'll have enough stuff.

We're going to buy a couple of things that are important. We think maybe one or two nice things. And we're going to give a lot of stuff away. And we're just going to spend time together having some adventure. And my son's response, he got quiet, and he said, Dad, I don't think you can do it.

And here's what he was saying.

He's the smartest kid and best-looking kid, all that stuff. That's not the point. The point is if you'll sit down and have a direct, honest conversation with your kids about the state of your financial life in your home, like our last caller. We lost – we got hours cut. We're trying to get a debt, fill in the blank.

If you'll be honest with them and say, here's what we're going to do, they're with you. You know why? Because they feel the tension in their home. They know something's not right. And if you say, hey, this is going to be a different kind of Christmas, you and your sister, you and your brother, you and all five of your brothers and sisters, you're only going to get three gifts this year.

That's what we're going to do, and they're not going to be big. And I just want you to know ahead of time. we have a plan, but we're going to do some different things this year. We're going to go hang out. We're going to play.

Have that conversation with your kids, and I'm telling you they're going to respond in a positive way. Yes. I'm telling you.

Do you know what I mean?

But yet we get sucked into this consumerism and this Christmas and Amazon big catalog they send, and the kids are looking through it. I want this, and I want that. And you just get caught up in it when you just stop.

Just your kids want you. That's right. They want you. They want you. They want you.

So have the conversation. if your finances are tight this year. And if your finances are not tight this year, don't use Christmas as a way to sing and dance in front of your kids. Like they don't want your song and dance. They want you.

That's right.

It was a little bit. It was, like, $4,000.. That was the check I had to take to closing, which sounds bananas. But the following year, my wife and I paid off six figures of debt. And so the tradeoff was definitely worth it.

Yeah. Rent while you guys get out of debt. How much debt do you guys have left to pay off?

It's just, you know, we always say with real estate, whether you're buying, whether you're selling, whatever it is, it's when is a good time for you, right? You're looking at your situation. You're not trying to gauge the market, because we don't have a crystal ball. We don't know what's going on. But one thing I do know, Kelsey, yeah, since you guys are on Baby Step, too, do not buy.

Just go and rent for a few years. Make sure to get this debt paid off. Get a good fully-funded emergency fund and then put down, you know, say 5% for a good down payment, to 5% to 20% or more if you want to, for a down payment. But I would not rush back into homeownership, which can be hard when you've done it, and then you feel like, oh, my gosh, we're going back to renting. But that's going to be the smartest move for you guys.

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Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I am, Rachel Cruz, hosting this hour with Dr. John Deloney and taking your questions at 888-825-5225.. It's a free call anywhere in the country. Up next, we have Jamie in San Antonio.

Hey, Jamie. Welcome to the show.

Kind of what's going on, I'm 45, I'm disabled, and I'm freshly divorced.

So I'm on a set income and I need to start making a budget and I'm not sure what to do with my money. I bring in about $4,000 a month, but I only spend about $1,500.. I'm debt-free and I have a little over $650,000 in brokerage accounts.

But I feel like I cannot make any financial mistakes because I cannot go out and get a job. If anything goes wrong, I'm scared. Yeah.

Hold it. One, two, three. Let it out.

Okay. Okay. I want you to hear me as directly as you can. Okay?

Financially, you're in great shape.

He's recently admitted that he has a sex addiction.

I found out.

I couldn't stay. I couldn't.

I can't eat my emotions because I've had bypass surgery. I cannot drink alcohol. I can't smoke. I can't. So I'm stuck here having to deal with this.

And I'm scared. So I have, back to the question, I have about $2,000 plus extra each month. I have $650,000 in brokerage. Can I just take a break? Can I just go on vacation when I want to?

Or what do I do?

And I have my son with me, and my daughter is in college, and she will not talk with him. She won't. And so I'm constantly the in-between. And so I'm covering every bomb that he throws, and the kids just don't know what he's doing wrong. And so I'm worn out.

But then I'm also keep thinking at some point I'm going to break, and is it going to be a financial bad decision? Is it going to be—what is it?

Have you struggled with addiction before? Have you struggled with out-of-control behavior before?

You can't trust yourself with money. You've been doing this stuff since 2009 of how to handle money. well, right? So, I want you, again—and I don't even know how to, like, walk you through that, but I want to give you confidence as a long-distance friend that's met you for two minutes. Tell you, Jamie, you can trust yourself more than you're giving yourself credit for.

So, just hear an outside voice say that, because you're questioning every part of your life, which is understandable. Like, hear me say that. Yeah, yeah. Understandable. But for someone on just the outside looking in, I just want to say that truth over you, that you can trust yourself, okay?

Right. And destroyed the trust that—and gaslit you the whole way. So, you're not crazy. Now, I'm going to ask you some direct questions. Are you going to blow all $650,000 of this money?

Whether that's a therapist, whether that's a counselor, whether that's a local church, you have to have people with you during this time, and it cannot be your kids. They can't be the person who—the people who prop you up, right?

And at some point, because he is such an out-of-control, dishonest person, he's going to, at some point, try to snake his way back into his kids' lives. And I want him to have that—he's already started? Yep. Of course he has. I want you to have that conversation with your kids, that they get to walk away from somebody who is a sociopath, okay?

There is a way to tell the truth without telling them that their father is evil, okay? There's a way—let me rephrase that even more. There's a way to tell them that their father is very dishonest, has had a pattern of dishonesty, has not told the truth, put you at extreme risk, without saying your dad sucks and he's a terrible person, right? One of those is just running somebody down. The other is just telling the truth about what happened, okay?

That's okay. We're not going to disparage, but we're going to tell the truth, okay? All that to say, you've got to get some people in your life, hang on the line, and we're going to give you three free months of better help. I want you talking to a counselor before tomorrow is over. Thank you for the call.

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's The Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create amazing relationships. I am, Rachel Cruz, hosting this hour with bestselling author, Dr. John Deloney, and we are taking your calls. It's a free call anywhere in the country at 888-825-5225.. All right.

Up. first this hour, we have Stephen in Springfield. Hey, Stephen. Welcome to the show.

From that accident, I was just wondering if you guys could help point me in the right direction, what we should maybe pay off, or if we should put it in our savings account and just sit on it and continue to make our monthly payments like normal, just kind of what the best course of action you guys thought would be.

We got a pickup that I drive. I owe $17,000 on it. Then we got a personal loan for about $2,000.. And then somewhere in the neighborhood of $5,000 to $5,500 in credit card debt.

Yes, so...

Okay, that's going to be key as Rachel walks through, because the other... When you approach life as reactive, life, did this, so I just have to do this. You will stay broke for the rest of your life. If you say, come what may, I will stand firm on a principle. I don't borrow any money outside of a mortgage, period.

Ever. And a mortgage only if I got to. Now you're about changing your entire family tree, okay? Okay. It's about taking ownership, okay?

All right, Rachel.

And did you say you have $5,500 in credit card debt or $500?.

You got two car loans. You got some credit card debt. You got a personal loan, and you're just living life. But you probably feel like, Stephen, oh, my gosh, we work really hard, and I feel like we're broke. I feel like we're barely making by.

How is that possible? Okay, so that feeling that you're feeling is a flag that is raised in your emotions to say, like, okay, we're not doing this correctly. So the way you guys have been looking at money, because you caught on this show, the way we're going to advise you is a complete 180 of what you're, of how you've been looking at money. And here's the deal, too, Stephen. You have to realize, okay, I have to do a 180, because what I've been doing is getting me these results, and I don't want these results.

I want something different, which means my actions and my thought process have to be completely different now, right? So what we're going to say is probably going to radically shake you up, and you're going to be like, wait, these people are insane. Maybe a little, but we're also not broke.

You're calling it a day. I would take the $22,000 that you guys have, and I would knock out the personal loan. I would knock out the credit card debt, and then I would put anything else. that's there. I'm trying to do this quick math.

Anything else left at the car loan. So you guys will probably have about, I think, $15,000 left on the van, and I want you, Stephen, for about a year to work extra. I want you guys to take on extra jobs, either at your primary job. I want you to drive for Uber Eats. I want you to do the most radical stuff to earn extra money and get this van paid off, because you could look up in one year, Stephen, and your whole life looks completely different.

It's going to be gone. Put it to good use. Put it to good use, and you guys could look up again in a year and be in a completely different position financially. So we're cheering you guys on. Thanks, Stephen.

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Brentwood, Tennessee 37027..

So add it to that group and those messages that you're sending out anyways, because, again, it helps us when it comes to getting hope and direction and guidance for people all over their lives or for their entire lives. So that would be a wonderful thing. So, again, share the show, subscribe, leave a review, share with a friend. All right, up. next we have Michael in Dallas, Texas.

Hey, Michael. Welcome to the show.

And with that, my wife and I are considering pausing, investing for three months and sort of cutting out some of the necessary spending to use that money to put back into the business and grow its revenue quicker, in hopes that our goal being to pay off our house within three years from now. And I was just curious if there's anything wrong with doing something like that.

And then I would look at it on the other end and say, well, it's just three months. It's not that big of a deal, like. either way, right? So meaning I wouldn't pause it, because I don't think three months is going to completely change your life and change your numbers that drastically.

Like, if you guys are about to lose your house or something, then I'd be like, oh, yeah, cut everything.

Go, get that thing done, because you'll be able to catch back up with your – like you're not going to miss that, because your house payment can then go to fund your – so knock that out. This. –. Rachel, I like what you just said. This feels like we're always going to have this in the back of our head that we can borrow from ourselves.

Now, if you wanted to pay yourself less in salary, that's a very common thing. In your draw from your business, but I would want your giving and I want your investments to still be rolling with you. Does that make sense?

You're very proactive. But I think, with that same spirit – and again, I'm saying this to myself – it can be like, okay, well, once we get to here, everything's going to be fine. But you're going to get there, Michael. The house is going to be paid off. You guys are going to be – you could double your business and it's going to feel amazing.

And then, in about five months, you're going to be like, okay, okay, let's go to the next goal. And you just keep pushing yourself. And not that goal-setting and all of that is bad, but I do think there's a contentment piece. emotionally, that's really important in this. And I don't know if that's exactly what you're asking, but yes, I think the weight of not – yeah, the weight of not owing anyone anything, and this freedom is definitely there.

But there's still a rat race inside of all of us that think and believe, if I could just make a million – right, if I could make $500 million – or $500 million. Actually, that would be fantastic.

And, as Rachel said, then the old demons about, well, you've got to have this and you're not enough for this. So here was the important question we asked ourselves. that changed, and I'll tell you how it changed. It didn't change my go-get attitude. I love working.

I just love it.

So after we stopped running for our lives, meaning we didn't owe anybody anything, my wife and I asked a question,

what kind of life do we want to have and what do we want that life to feel like? Not like, what do we want? Well, we want another house and more cars. That's not what we asked. When you walk in the door, John, what do you want this house to feel like?

Hey, my wife, when you walk in the door, what do you want the house to feel like? And what must be true for that to happen? And what that did is I'm still as ambitious and busy as ever, but I'm ambitious and busy about different things. And in a weird way that I wish I had learned 20 years ago, financially, we're doing better going after things that make our lives more whole than I did, just running around like a maniac trying to not be on fire anymore. Right.

Does that make sense?

And so we're like, well, we want kids in a few years and whatever. So we sort of wanted to just have this goal of paying off the house early before we had kids, and get that out of the way. so we sort of have this freedom to do things that we wouldn't necessarily have. And I think that's sort of what you're saying.

But I can control what I want my house to feel like. when I walk in the door. And when I walk in and it's COVID, when I walk in and I'm a professor, when I walk in, I'm a dean of students, I walk in and I'm a YouTuber. I can decide through the world. we've created what that's going to feel like.

You see what I'm saying? So, go out five years. What do you want this house to feel like? I want there to be a kid and I'm pregnant with kid number two and you're laughing and X and Y and Z. All right.

What has to be true? Well, for me to walk home laughing, I can't owe anybody any money. For me to walk home laughing, we have to have somebody else cutting the grass for once. You see what I'm saying? We're going to reverse, engineer how we want this thing to feel.

Who we want to be. Not like, how much money are we going to have? What kind of car? Because you'll start cutting corners to get that money. You'll start cutting corners to get that new car.

And all of a sudden, you're going to end up with a hectic, chaotic life and a bunch of toys. Or you've gone on a nice vacation and you have a pool, and y'all are still the same hustling, exhausted people.

Thanks, Michael, for the call. This is The Ramsey Show.

Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I am Rachel Cruz, hosting this hour with Dr. John Deloney. And our Ramsey Show. question of the day is brought to you by Neighborly, your hub for home services.

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Dude, yes. We're going to end up at the end with no tread left on the tires. Good for you. I've heard your advice on always combining finances as a married couple. However, I'm not sure if that's a reasonable path when both parties have children from previous marriages.

What's the best approach here?

You know what I mean? Like all of that. And yeah, and I lean towards keeping it separate still. At this stage of life, I mean, in my head, I'm like,

your immediate family. before this marriage was pretty much done. I mean, like grown kids, you've done your job.

Not only okay, but I would recommend a prenup. And here's why. You're not protecting each other. You're protecting your husband or wife. If one of you passes away from cousins and kids coming out of the woods, that is going to take stuff from you.

So it might be that I don't, I don't want if, Rachel, if you and I were married and I died, I don't want my kids suing. Like, I don't want that mess. So I want both sides to be protected here. But I do think for the sake of your marriage, whatever money, social security coming here, dividends coming here, I think this should go in the same pot and we're going to make married decisions about bills. We're not just gonna be roommates for the next 20 years.

Right. We're gonna be married. So let's do it. Let's, let's do it right.

And I don't want you guys missing out on that. Even for the 20 years, maybe you guys have together in the, in, the, you know, vein of like, well, we're just adults now. And we, you know, we've done this all ourselves. So we're going to just keep it separate. I think you guys miss a level of intimacy and connection.

If you don't combine what, yes, the income that's coming in now, or social security, all of that, like your, your life, livelihood and your day-to-day life, combine all of that financially and work as a team.

Or, or maybe a little bit long, right? That's a long time. Yes. So let's do this. Let's do it.

Let's, we're married. We're going to be married. We're going to be all in both feet in the boat. We're not just going to have one foot on land and one foot in the water.

Welcome to the show.

One has a family and has a really, really good job. And the other one is coming out of prodigal stage and is on really good track and is at the university getting a degree, finishing a degree in cybersecurity. So, and he's really good at computers and tech stuff. So we're hoping the best for him at this point, but traditionally, he doesn't have money. And the cabin costs about 25 to 30 grand a year just to sit there.

And it's not a mat, a fancy cabin. It was built in 58, but between property taxes and utilities, it costs about 25 to 30 grand a year. So if this is given to them, and now all of a sudden,

generally costs would be split and they would probably split a calendar on it as far as when they would use it and stuff like that.

The one without the money is, I don't know, maybe the one with the money is going to be left holding the bag to pay for things. The one without the money, I mean, I can just see this whole thing.

Well, yeah, at that point this doesn't become a gift. It becomes a burden, to the point that you just, he, can't afford to be able to participate in something because you guys aren't leaving a million dollar fund to be able to pull from to keep up the cabin, right? They're going to be expected to pay this $30,000 a year to maintain the cabin. And so it would be like any other asset, I think as an adult that if I can't pay for this out of my own pocket and help keep this afloat, I can't afford it. And so I know that's really harsh.

I know it's really hard because of the situation, and, and it's a family, you know, part, but what ends up probably going to have to happen is, I would, I would still keep it 50, 50 and then I would communicate all of this, but the older son, there's probably a reality that he's going to have to buy out the other half of the brother because the other brother can't maintain that. Now, if he now in, in five years, Lynn, he could right. Be able to help pay $10,000 a year.

Yeah. He'll pay for the upkeep. He'll pay for the stuff. And the asset stays in his family, of course. And so that becomes like, well, I want to split it whenever we sell it.

And I don't want uncle, Sue and nephew kind of thing, but yeah, I'm like you. I, I don't know. I just hate to put somebody in a position where the whole I've got to put fight. A brother's got to fight a brother because of a gift. Right.

I'd rather uncomfortable conversation up front. And we're going to give us to your brother. The expectation is you'll be able to use it whenever y'all will navigate that.

Well, we have a break. This is the Ramsey show.

Hey guys, it's Rachel Cruz. When it comes to teaching kids about money, moms tell me all the time, just how overwhelming it can feel to get started. That's why I'm so excited to tell you about financial piece kids. This toolkit was designed to make learning to save, earn spend and give money fun for both you and your kids. The best part, it only takes 10 minutes a day.

Yep. Just 10 minutes. You've got this pick up financial piece kids at Ramsey solutions.com slash store. that's Ramsey solutions.com slash store.

Welcome back to the Ramsey show. I am, Rachel Cruz, hosting this hour with Dr. John Deloney, and we are taking your calls and your questions about your life and your money. with the giving season upon us. We do a giving show every single year, and it's coming up here in a few weeks.

And so we want to hear stories from you and how you have given generously this season. So maybe you tipped a waiter, a waitress, you know, a hundred bucks or maybe you bought a Thanksgiving dinner for a family that couldn't afford it. Whatever the creative ways that you have been giving this season, we would love to hear about that and that story of how it's changed you, how it changed the lives of the people that you are giving to. So if you go to Ramsey solutions.com slash, ask and put giving in the subject line, we want to hear your story. We do this every year around this time.

And this show is going to be on December 18th. So start sending in your stories today, because we are all about living like no one else. So later you can live and give like no one else. Giving and generosity is a huge part of our message and we love to celebrate that. So again, December 18th is our giving show.

We want to hear from you Ramsey, solutions.com slash ask and put giving in the subject line.

Like never even occurred to me. I'm going to try that. You just walked into a Walmart and saw a mom with a thing full of groceries and you just stuck your ATM card in her thing and paid for it. Never occurred. So this is putting off like 20 different pictures of what generosity looks like in the minds of millions of people.

So this thing spreads all over the place. It is not about patting each other on the back and be like, Oh, way to go, dude.

When you just watch the news all day and you start to like get in this belief system that everyone's crazy and we're all, you know, and that is the funny thing. I'm like we travel around to events and you know, we meet people here in the lobby all the time, and I'm like, there's just great people out in the world, you guys, and doing amazing things. And when we can highlight that and encourage you, that's what we want to do. So it's a great point, John. All right.

Up. next we have Chrissy in Cincinnati. Hey Chrissy, welcome to the show.

I've listened to every one of your podcasts, probably 75,000 different times.

And hold it for a count of three, one, two, and then let it out.

And that surgery ended up being a complete hysterectomy.

And I feel like I am at my wits end, day in and day out. And I feel like it is affecting my ability to be a good mom to my 18 year old and to be a good wife to my husband. And grieving the fact that we're not going to, my husband and I are not going to have a child together. And also, just kind of, you know, I'm only 37 and I am very much not ready to die, but this feels like I've been given like a life sentence. And I just, I don't know where to go.

Yeah.

I want you to take both of your hands. I want you to squeeze them as tight as you can for a count of three. Okay. Where it's almost uncomfortable. Squeeze them as tight as you can.

One, two, three, open them up and open them wide.

Okay.

Usually, when people do that, their shoulders drop too.

Through your attempts to get pregnant, through your attempts to wrangle an 18 year old. Is this a relatively new marriage for both of you?

And what you found out in a gnarly, ugly, scary, I wish you were here, so Rachel and I could hug you and let you see that we love you and care about you, that we really don't control much of anything. Okay.

Let that go. Okay.

And the path before us is A, above all other things, we're going to fight and we're going to do what we can to stay healthy. Okay.