#620 - RICH VOS - ADAM RAY

That's Tony Hinchcliffe, Calm. I have a brand new comedy club, it's next door to the Mothership, it's called the Sunset Strip Comedy Club. You can check out My Secret Show every Thursday at the Sunset Strip or go to Sunset Strip ATX Comm for more information.

And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

Hey, this is Red Bank coming alive from the comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get Up For Tony.

Who's ready to fuck some shit up tonight, huh?

Hey, look, it's Red band, everybody. Hi, ten years and a month of working with this man. We never miss a beat, it seems. Indeed. How about a hand for the fucking band, huh? God damn it, screwball.

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That's a great local artist, Chris Rogers, drawing over there.

Paul Diemer on the horns, Matt Mulling on the electric guitar, John D's on the keys, and the Great D madness right down the barrel here.

We were watching from the screen up in the green room and somebody mentioned something that I thought was hilarious. If you don't know the show, you can't tell which one of these two musicians behind us is blind.

D Man is and John D's having a blind off tonight. It could be either one of them, maybe you'll figure it out. As the episode goes on, we have a very fun show planned for you.

Before we start, here's a little bit from the amazing sponsors that made tonight's episode available for you here. Right now. Hey y'all, it's official, it's announced, it's out there. My largest tour of my entire life, all the biggest theaters in all my favorite cities. Toronto, Canada, Royal Oak, Michigan, San Antonio, Texas, Chicago, Illinois, Charlotte, North Carolina, Atlanta, Georgia, Columbus, Ohio, Kansas City, Missouri, Indianapolis, Indiana, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Tysons, Virginia. Just outside of D.C. Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Youngstown, Ohio, Cincinnati, Ohio, San Francisco, California, San Diego, California, Phoenix, Arizona, New York, New York, Clearwater, Florida, and Jacksonville, Florida.

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You guys can do better than that. You ready to start tonight's fucking show?

How many of you guys been listening to the show a long time, huh? How many of you consider yourself true fans of stand-up comedy? Well, then you're in for a special treat. Two guests tonight, two of the best this is, I know when I book this show perfectly.

This is one of those nights. Make some noise for two of the greatest guests in the show's history. Two of my favorite comedians on planet Earth, Rich Boss and Adam Ray.

All right, Adam, sit down, rich boss, Adam, right?

I love it. This is a perfect booking. Adam silly, goofy, super present, rich boss, New York City. Serious joke, joke, joke. I fucking love this combo. This is a sweet little kill tony cocktail.

We have made here tonight. Adam, how you feeling fired up. happy to be back in Austin? You guys fired up to be here.

You can't ask for anything better. I'm telling you, this fucking town is the best town in this area. I'm gonna go one step further. it's the best town in the fucking world.

We're gonna have so much fun here tonight. You guys have both been guests on the show multiple times, you know how it works? Over 200 souls have signed up here tonight. Look at this fucking diabolical mess, it is insanity.

We're gonna get through it together, I mean, not all of these names, but we're gonna meet a few of these fucking crazy people. They get 60 seconds, you know, your time is up and you're the sound of a kitten. They have to wrap it up then, or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear.

But you guys know all about this. When that noise happens, or they stop their set, I interview them, we find out more about them, we find out what makes them interesting. Every episode has a different DNA, completely different guests, different bucket pulls and a few familiar faces that we call the regulars. But before we get to our first comedian of the night, I'm going to pre pull a name so that we can grab them from the bar, two doors down, and.

Let's fucking do it, you guys, ready to start the show?

Well, well, well, there's only one way to start a show like this. This guy has been defending his throne for weeks, We're giving him the night off of defending unless we don't like his set. In which case, next week he will be fighting for his life. We have applied extra pressure to him so that he takes every one of these sets super, super seriously. He started on the show two years plus ago.

We found him sleeping in his van eight years into the open mic game, and we changed his fucking life. He now sells out every goddamn weekend, hitting bonuses in every city, making vast sums of money. He wears a Rolex watch, he is with a girl out of his league. Ladies and gentlemen, sing it if you know the words.

You guys know, the words started now.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is hot.

This is not yet, this is not yet.

What's up?

What's up Texas I?

Was recently looking up the best bullets to kill humans with. But then I realized you can't just google that. So I just googled best bullets for self-defense, and I realized you can google anything, as long as you put self-defense at the end of it. How to commit a mass shooting for self-defense? When all those Jews come running at you, Jew, be gone.

How to rape for self-defense?

Getaway lady might have to rape. You know what they say at airports? If you see something suspicious, say something suspicious. I.

Saw an unintended package. I was like, did you know that the age of consent in Japan is 13 years old?

Thank you Hans Kim, getting through it. punch, punch, punch, punch. Thank you Tony. How did that one feel for you? It felt amazing.

The challenge, you know? Oh wow, yeah. Tired of defeating retards in public? Oh my goodness. wow, they're calling me the retard killer out in the streets? Wow. Look at that. But only in self-defense.

Interesting, you guys think he did good enough to not be challenged next week?

Thank you.

You guys have seen Hans Kim before. Would you think about Hans? Yeah, Hans. How many rape jokes do you think you write a week?

Fewer than I do actual rapes.

Jesus Well, welcome back. They will probably edit this out.

How can you rate when you can't see him?

Good question, Hans, you gotta get real close, man. that's tight. that's tight. it's the bellybutton, Hans. That was amazing. Thank you, Rich.

Yeah, really, I love it, Hans. At one point, you said, Juby gone.

What made you say that?

Like an old 90s commercial, like a spray, that's how it felt.

Wouldn't it be nice if we had one of those, I?

Mean, I don't know for any race, not just, I mean it. Choose be gone. Who's gonna order food from your family?

Another good point, Hans. That is true, Jews love Asian food.

Yeah, they love cheapness and okay.

Oh.

My God. Sound effective of the year so far? Yes, can we please do that after every? Can you give us some more stereotypes of other races? What about the Blacks? Hans? Give us a stereotype of the Blacks?

The Blacks are very athletic and fast, but they can be a little steely.

Oh my god, this is like racist comics unleashed. We're just setting them up. Yo Hans, I heard you were hanging out with an Ethiopian guy recently. Have any utensils for me?

Hans, If it wasn't for Jews, nobody would have cured the disease you brought here.

Rich, rich, rich, rich, rich, rich, rich. So Hans, let's go through one more race together, let's pick a, let's pick a specific one. What do you guys think, what would be a good race for this?

Okay, I heard German going once. Let's go Germans on this one, Germans, great people, they can be a little gone.

They're the best.

No one's gonna ever keep them down. All right. Okay, Hans, you did it again. Fun set way to get the show started. I love it. We're gonna keep you away from having to defend your spot yet again, but at any given fucking week, we're gonna apply the pressure again.

I love that you fucking stepped it up, your sets, your interviews, your mind. Have you been off the drugs? Yes, really, a little bit.

Yeah, a little bit, yes. Hold on, hold on, wait, wait, wait. music.

Drugs a little bit, yeah. So what does that mean? What are you doing? I've been sticking with weed a lot, we have no problem with weed here.

How many little key bumps of blow have you done in the past week? I did a little nasal cocaine with water watery cocaine, I did that, and then I've also done.

Rich Have you heard of this watery cocaine, fucking be a man and smoke crack?

Love it Hans, you did it again. we love you. They had him. anything else for Hans?

No, I mean, I mean, you know, the first Jew joke, you know, was was a lot, but then you double down and did like four more, so I got respect for you. Why don't you do? Why don't you do one more Jew joke to end the set? Actually, call my rabbi real quick.

Jews really great at following the rules, but they're not really good at, like, you know, outside the rules, that's where the Blacks have the advantage.

There he goes, Hans Kim, ladies and gentlemen, that was Hans Kim, that was Hans Kim, that was Hans Kim, that was Hans Kim. Your first bucket full of the night?

Ladies and gentlemen, truly anything can happen here. I mean, it's crazy, I don't think we've ever met this person before. This could be a local legend that we've never heard of that's been trying to sign up for months. Could be somebody who got here in town today, could be somebody that's been doing it 20 years, could be somebody's first time.

You guys get it. 60 seconds uninterrupted to Chandler Valencia ladies and gentlemen, here we go, Chandler Valencia, 60 seconds of stand-up comedy and then an interview. Here he is.

How we doing? Yeah, I'm doing great, dude, honestly, like I'm in Austin because I'm in town for an audition I had this morning. Yeah, found out a few minutes ago. I have the role.

I'm not really sure what a cuck is, but I can't wait to hold it. You know, I'm saying, like, the craziest part is I just showed up like I didn't really audition. You know, they're like, you're perfect kid. I was like, sick.

I, I'm taking a white girl right now, and I think she's heard the stereotype that white people under season their food too much because now she over seasons it. You know, I'm doing the damn cinnamon challenge with every bite.

I actually have a superpower a lot of people don't notice about me. Yeah, I can accurately guess any man's dick size just by the taste of their balls, yeah.

Yeah, food for thought for you.

Exactly a minute. Chandler Valencia.

Fun times Chandler, Welcome, welcome, welcome. How long you been doing stand-up since September? since September? Okay, so almost a year.

Yeah, all right. What do you do for work? I work at a school, I do it.

You work at a school. Yeah, wow, you look like you wouldn't be allowed near one. This is incredible.

Amazing, your forehead is almost non-existent, completely not with the hair. No, it's too long. Okay, yeah, when you do that, it lasts for a second, and then and then during your set, I noticed it was blocking your eyes. In a very Hans Kim style of a lack of vision helps you know the lights are bright, you know, okay, so you kind of use it as a hat, sort of, not not on purpose, right?

Yeah, okay, so Chandler, you? What type of school are we talking about? kid high school? yeah.

All right, so what's that like? what's it like working around high schoolers nowadays in the year 2023? How's it different than when you went to high school? There's way more technology, like if a computer is not working, none of the kids can do anything, and it's a super weird.

I also went to the high school, so all the kids at the school always just like to find my yearbook photo and make fun of me for it. Right? What sort of names do they call you? What are some of the funniest names they've called you in the last, like 48 hours for?

I'm sure they hit you up on, like DMS and stuff. They ever say that you kind of look like a giant Shih tzu puppy, no?

My nickname was a prince for like, four months when I first started prince. Yeah, why? Valencia is like my last name. And it's like a descendant of the Queen Victoria, or something of Spain. Oh, do they say you have the charisma of a tumor? I wish?

Look how tight your pants are. Yeah, I could see it. You're nuts and a nickel good. Yeah, I want my package to be up front, you know, I mean, like, yeah, I want ladies to know what they're working with.

You know, I'm saying, Do the ladies know what they're working with?

Ask them, You know what's your love life like? I would love to know what a guy that looks like you is doing in the game of puss. I have a I have a wonderful girlfriend, I've been Dana since December.

Okay, what does she do? She works at a hotel? What does she do at the hotel? She's in the manager training program?

So right now hooker great, okay.

And where did you meet this girl at? Tender? Tender? What'd you do for your first date? where'd you meet? what happened? what went on? Breakfast on a Sunday?

Breakfast on a Sunday Do you remember where you had breakfast at? No, you guys had mushrooms, didn't you? for breakfast? I wish, did I wish? Do you do a lot of drugs?

I don't, I don't. We're not allowed to because of the school. I don't believe you. Yeah. Do you have a like, a van, a couch and a cast?

No.

Thank you to one person.

So you meet her for breakfast, then what happens? We walked around the square up in Dallas and.

Scheduled a second date? You know, it's pretty much it okay, what happened the second date? I don't got much. Riz. If you're asking, like, if I fucked on the first date, I ain't got that, you know?

Okay, I'm not I. Now I'm asking about the second date, second day. Hey man, you fuck on the second date? No, I think it was the fourth date, hmm.

I wish you were walking on the grassy, No.

Yeah, H1Z1, I do believe I in China, so right, yeah, it sounds like it sounds like one of the things that's made in China.

H1Z1 The flu?

All right, what anti-semitic joke do you have? that is true? Let's let's load up the anti-semitism music aka Seinfeld theme. Do you have any anti-semitism jokes you could do?

I don't think so. Let me ask you this What do you think about the Jews?

Rich bosses Jewish, by the way, I mean, if we had to, I'm just kidding. No, you do have to, you do have to, and yes, maybe you're kidding. I don't know. I used to date this Jewish girl.

So what was she like people? She was very aggressive sexually, how? So like, like, we would get into my apartment and she would just be like, all right, we're having sex. Even though my roommates out in the like verbally say that, even though our roommates out in the front was talking to him. Yeah, you might have intercepted that.

But if you could name one stereotype, perhaps of any race?

Why are you looking?

Like, we got every flavor up here really locked in on D madness there. D. The guy was looking at you. He's the blind one, by the way. I gave it away for those of you.

I'm a workshop in this joke, does? It goes like, you know, white people tend to follow Black people trends, and Black people don't tip. So I'm just not tipping because I want to be the leader, you know?

Chandler He did, he did, he did have one like, almost. It felt like it could be your catchphrase.

You said at the end, right before you got the meow, you said, so that's some food for thought. Yeah, I feel like that could be your kind of way to, kind of, you know, get out of, you know. Either bombing a joke or having something be too offensive, so do you mind doing one more pretty offensive joke and then just go?

Yeah, I like that, I like this idea by the way. Do you brag to the kids about making your own soup? No, okay, but you do make your own soup, don't you?

What you do make your own soup. So I don't know how to cook, dude, like, I cannot cook worth shit, dude. I'm honest, all right, this sounds racist.

Keep going.

Here it comes, come on, I do it, do the joke, and then the food for thought thing. If you don't mind, yeah, here we go.

You have one more perhaps race.

I don't, I don't really got another racist joke. I don't think, Okay, you're cooking a jew.

Couscous.

I guess.

There he goes, Ladies and gentlemen, Chandler, did you get a little joke book? last time you're on? I got a big one. Okay, well, there you go. Good job, Chandler.

Valencia Everybody there. He goes all right onward, we go. The show has started.

Your next comedian out of the bucket? We're gonna meet him all together. Make some noise for Mason James. Everyone, here we go, Mason James.

Come on one more time for Mason, everybody.

All right, I'm.

I'm I'm not not racist, despite my face. Live in Houston, most diverse city, United States. very good there, we got a lot diverse, you got a lot of Mexicans.

Hey Mexicans here light.

There we go, that's good, you can always hear them, that's good.

Love Mexicans, love you guys. Seriously, probably my favorite race besides white, for sure.

Love y'all, I love the food, I love the culture, I love the tequila. But can we fix desserts?

What's going on? You finish a great meal, it's okay. Would you like a soaking wet cake or a habanero popsicle? I?

Don't want to build a wall? I'd like some new recipes, okay?

People ask me, like, what's your immigration policy? I'm like, it looks a lot like the show top chef.

Wow, great set, Mason James.

Absolutely from the get. Had me laughing at the way that the band went a little long and you noticed you played off it, had me laughing before you even said a word with a just a okay, and it was good. Oh yeah, Michael did go a couple beats long, typical Mexicans.

They, they don't know how to end their drums or their meals. Oh yeah.

Call back to his dessert joke everybody, I don't know. maybe you guys forgot that it was 45 seconds ago. Very funny, Mason.

You've been doing stand-up for a little bit of time, huh? Uh, yeah, a little over two years now. Very, very, very rock-solid. Mason. All of it in Houston, yes. Is that where you're from, born and raised?

COLUMBUS It's a halfway of a year between Houston and Columbus, Texas. Yes, sir, that's halfway between here and Houston. Yeah, yeah, right. okay, yeah, yeah, you're from there.

Wait a second checking with them. Guy from Brisbane, Australia is a great Columbia, Texas. You've been driving a delivery truck. You should know what the fruits and vegetables are all right, so let's talk about it.

Mason, what do you do for work? I work in the food service industry, so we, we do food service for, like, old folks homes and camps, so oh wow, a lot of people love old folks homes and camps. Okay, a couple, couple girls just started playing with themselves over that information.

It's a very exciting wild, that's awesome. The ladies go nuts for Oh, Camps. I didn't know you're what, what am I in trouble?

No, we did open mics in Houston. Yeah, and I, what did I stop in? Oh, I, you gave me a ride.

No, no matter of fact. I did a club and then we did the open mic after at that place you were. He was fucking funny, although you do look like a baby bird with cancer, but he was fucking funny when we did the open mic. Yeah, yeah, I can't believe I didn't remember you baby, because I'm a big fucking act.

That's amazing, that was really sweet, your face lit up, that was really, yeah, was. I can't believe how long it took you to notice that one of the people here you knew I'm.

I'm, yeah, I'm pretty. I was pretty. Still pretty nervous at the moment. Yeah, right, I tried to eat a. I tried to eat a beta blocker on the way here.

They do not taste good raw.

So I had to spit it out and the guys were being mean to me back there. So I was the whole thing, there's a whole thing. Well, how are they being? Because I was like, I need some water.

I gotta take this. This tastes so bad. And then they're like, get on the freaking x. I'm like, they still talk and there's a car, all right.

I'll get up there. How old are you? You could be 45 or 12.

Interesting look, you have a baby face and an adult body. And this fucking guy's going to light a fuse or something like that. The fucking Mexicans are going outside to wait for you. Yeah, I love, I love it. This guy stands straight fucking up.

He's gonna be on this show. Meanwhile, a Mexican ducking that's three foot seven walking by, and that was absolutely incredible. Try to duck next time you Saudi Arabian.

I know I mean Saudi Arabian he is. sometimes he wears a cowboy hat, and I call him. I call him, Uh, I fucking forget Keith Turban.

That's right, thank you Yoni Yoni with the assist.

Keith Turban Because he's okay.

Do you get a lot of material from the old folks home? No, not really. no. exactly do you do there? do you walk a?

You like, we do so. We do all the food, we do, do staff it, we do all the menu planning. Hired be so a bunch of bad chefs, right?

Because, I mean, if it's old people, you don't have to. Yeah, they're not there, they don't like food and they don't like politics. What kind of camps are we talking about? Concentration camps, perhaps?

No, a lot of Christian camps, a lot of Christian camps, any. All right. Oh, is that what you do? You do tallies, if there's any Mexicans, any Christians, anyway, you know what, you know what's weird? We just put my.

Rest home Well, not, actually. We didn't have the money, so we drove down the turnpike and put him in a rest area.

You put your dad in a home and your great-grandparents were put in a camp, so he covers both of those. Well, that's food for thought. He's Jewish, Jewish, I have to remind you, he's Jewish.

He's laughing at my Jewish jokes, he can't cancel me. I can't have a Roseanne Barr happen where someone takes something out of context and my career gets better again. No, no, you're, you're not, you're not Roseanne Barr. I'd fuck you.

You'd be surprised, bro, you'd be surprised. She's fucking hottie Patottie, she's a fucking Texas mountain cougar. Right now, I'm serious. When's the last time you saw her in person?

She has gotten hotter over the years. Duck down, you fucking loser Jesus Christ, want to sit in the front row, have some fucking decorum coming in like a fucking ogre, what are you fucking?

Are you protecting Queen Cersei right now? Fucking Jesus, fucking Christ, hey, ever since you started dressing like Tony Soprano, you really stopped giving a fuck.

Jesus, fuck hey. What Tony means is, thanks for coming out. Yeah, thanks a lot.

Don't know how we.

He's raising his hand like a very, very good white man.

Very racial episode. We might have to drop this one on Twitter.

Okay, you're raising your hand, go ahead. I'm very excited to snow. I was just gonna say, maybe we could bring it. Start talking about me again, yeah.

Oh, absolutely absolutely.

I'm over here.

Wow, I like your style, Mason. You're a fucking funny guy. Only been doing it two years. You're very present, You're very funny. You're in the moment. Thank you. What else should we know about you before we let you go?

Um, I okay, so you asked my age? It's, Uh, it's not great, I'm, I'm 26 years old.

No fucking way. Oh, no way, fuck. The place is in a ruckus right now. Oh, you're just watching the show, you who would have said anything less than 42, you, you got that disease that makes you grow old fast.

Yeah, I think we know what it is. You dumb bitch, Jesus Christ mean buttons, shut the fuck up. I bet she stands straight up to, and she does. What Tony means to say is that's a great answer and a great movie.

Thanks for coming out. we also would have accepted Jack with Robin Williams, so thank you, thanks for coming out.

You're 21, I couldn't even believe when you said the word 20. I'm like, no fucking way. What have you seen where your parents brutally murdered in front of you?

You look like that. Were you in the military? No, no, you weren't. you didn't fight in a war in the desert. Like I've seen, old people refuse applesauce too many times.

Yeah, is that it is that from hanging out at nursing homes too long? I don't know. By the way, you could just give those people hello, fresh comm.

Use the code Kill Tony 50 to save 50%.

There we go, they are great. Um, no, I don't know why it happened to me.

It's tough. Well, now, the fact that you have no pigment, do you come from a long lot? A long line of scallops? Ah god, you do look like a scallop? Oh yeah, definitely, I mean, it is.

I've been trying to think of what the fuck he looks like. It is unbelievable if scallops fucked mashed potatoes.

It is incredible now. That's food for thought rich.

This is incredible. I want to get to the bottom of this. Why do you look like this? I look the same age as Rich Vos. Can you guess how old riches?

I celebrated his birthday with him this week. Anyone want to take a guess? It's fucking unbelievable.

54. It's a good guess, Benny the Jet, Rodriguez said. 64. You want to tell these people how old you are mine.

I Well, now I really have no chance of getting pussy tonight. Go ahead, I don't care. 60 66..

Wow, you're crushing it, crushing it, dude watching 66 and he looks the same age as you, he's got 40 years on you. Am I doing the math right? No, no, not even close.

You're 26.

Yeah.

It's about 40. Yeah, wait, what you said? 14.

No, I didn't. I said 40. okay, if it sounded like 14, I said 40, I'm sorry, I definitely said for.

You said for you only just confirmed it. He never talks. I said 40, he would not defend me if I was wrong.

It's 40. Well, you seem like an easygoing guy. Are you stressed? I'm very stressed. relationship stuff. No, no, I'm married to a lady.

So that's fun, does she treat you well? She's the best, She's awesome, so that I'm we're.

I'm gonna be a dad, I'm having a baby, oh.

Wow.

Wow, he's gonna, he's gonna give birth to a 35 year old boy.

Dude, I like your style, Mason. I mean, you are a very, very. He lives in Houston, but I mean, you want to tell him that if you, if you want to next week.

Strip your you can, if you want to make it. I would love to. There you go, Here's the big joke bug.

Mason James Everybody The Kill Tony debut of Mason James.

Yeah, we're in it tonight, people, that's a fucking good little bucket pool. Yeah, I'm gonna pre pull another name. But right now is one of those moments that we've been looking forward to for quite a while because we have a new regular on this show. Ladies and gentlemen, I don't know how many of you have been keeping up, you guys up to date on your episodes.

We have a new regular on this show that we find to be fucking absolutely one of the most promising little monsters that we've ever discovered. Here, this is a brand new minute from your new regular. Make some goddamn noise for the one and only Cam Patterson, everybody.

I used to want to be a dog before I became a commit. Not funny, bitch I.

Could have been a good dog, White lady, I could have been a great dog, I know I could be a dog. And one day, I brought a car with some real dogs and the car got shot up. And that's when I realized that I was a bitch.

Because I was the only one crying.

And they were like, they were mad at me. Why you crying? they shooting at us? What do you mean the worst thing about?

Knows, you know, it's not so when people shoot at you, they spin back. Did you know that they always come back when they shoot at you? So they'll shoot us? And it was coming back and I took my shirt off.

I'm like a nigga, we surrender.

I would like to retire.

Boom, boom, boom.

Wow, oh my goodness. unstoppable force. Cam Patterson cam with a k. My goodness. welcome back. you said it again, my man, absolutely killing. This is your first time seeing Cam Patterson.

Right, gentlemen, you're so like, well, and so, my daughter oldest daughter married this Black dude, so I heard through the family.

But he's more light-skinned. It, but you?

He was one that was shooting at you.

No, he wasn't, I would have killed him. They gotta be murdered. Adam Ray This is the new on What's that White Man?

What you call me white man, white man. I like you. you're a good dude. Thanks brother. Your mommy. Like my stepfather when I get a girlfriend.

Thank you.

Wholesome guy, appreciate it man. Yeah, you look like your first word. Words were a fubu gaga.

You're hilarious, You're very, yeah, Rich said. You're very like, how long you been doing it? two years? Yeah, where'd you start, Orlando?

Fuck yeah, yeah, what brought you here? Oh, see everything else going on. I was like, Man, you take my ass out knuckle like this.

I'm not gonna like it. Boss, not you, my boss. Oh, I'm not. you don't have to call me your boss. This isn't that you're not in the Florida plantations anymore.

What am I not gonna like? I'm excited. Yeah, why is it? Oh, uncle a sir? Wow, damn.

He hired his own replacement. I love it, brilliant.

Wow, that's incredible, amazing. Uncle Laser did something to benefit the show historical moment. I never would have guessed that. How did he find you? He was doing a show in Tampa and they called me to.

They called me to bury him.

All right, I love it, just he asked me to ask. John B's said No. D madness signal.

And even Matt Muehling said, No, he's not gonna say it, he's not watching the game.

What were you doing in Orlando? Combat it. Did you have a job? I waited. Police aware.

I was a golf, I was, I was a y'all know what I was, wait, say it.

What were you? I was a stock nigga.

I did that too.

You're gonna be part of a drive-by later, Adam Ray.

You can catch him in a drive-by shooting later, or the Barbie movie. right now. he's also in the Barbie movie. Yeah, nice, two good credits for you. catch him in a Barbie movie or a drive-by.

Cam That isn't. I just love the I find out more and more. I find out a lot about you in our drinking sessions at night at Mitzi's. After some of the shifts here, it is incredible to think that you were part of so many.

You told me last week that you used to have a gun on you, sometimes on stage in Florida. I'm gonna come. Had a piss on me at all time, why I was a screech nigga, but I was a bitch, I just explained to you.

Come on, stepdad, listen up. I had a pistol, but I didn't want to use it. Yeah, I don't want to you live my advantages, I want, you know, but I had one.

Yeah, I bet you it was legal, too. Oh hell, no, I know.

Yes, I hope you don't ever get in trouble. I hope no one ever watches. Kill Tony is like, that guy once tried to kill me. I'm sure there's like a thousand police sketches out there that look just like you right now.

I don't miss Tony.

You don't, and you also don't. On this show. Red Band Tony We. We found out something about him at the ten-year that you always carry rocks. Do you have a rock on you right now? You got right, he keeps rocks on him right here.

I'm proud dad, my son always has rocks.

What is this? I got this one, I got another one. This was like more courses. You want to touch it.

Welcome. That's the first time this guy's ever been called the n-word, for sure.

Wow, where are you from, sir? Amazing. What part of Florida see at Jupiter? Yeah, one day I was never there. That's the rich people part.

They let me in that part, yeah.

So now Tiger Woods is the only Black guy that lives in Jupiter. Am I right? 100? Thank you. Show us the rocks that you sell, oh.

Those are for backstage rich.

Haha, Cam, you're a fucking star. Week after week after week. It is fun, believable. We love you. You came through again.

You did it again. Make some fucking noise. For Cam Patterson, everybody, that's the future, and he has arrived. Cam Patterson, we're gonna keep it moving.

I wanna rock with you. Your next comedian out of the bucket goes by the name of Joe Botelho. Everybody Joe Botelho. Top act to follow cam is not easy to follow guys.

Thank you one more time for Joe, everybody, thank you so much. thank you. I'm so glad I can't see you. I'm Joe Botelho.

I'm from Canada, I'm not a big fan of Drake, not because he's Black, but it doesn't help.

Doesn't really help that much, but I love porn, I don't. I hate this, like you hate porn. Now we have to stop whacking off, dude, I whacked off back in the golden age of whacking off. Had to find my dad's porn. Like half the time you find a gun, or you find your mom's dirty panties, like So.

Now, when you found the porn and you put the porn in, yet to remember what scene it was in.

No, you found his porn and he'd move the porn stash. But the worst part of doing that is like, when I rewound it and went forward, I never had to go past that part because I stopped at the same part. My dad.

Stopped like we came.

Same time.

So now I can only come remembering my dad coming, that's pretty much.

So that's why I erased my history. So my son doesn't come to the same thing that I come to, which is videos of my dad coming, that's.

It's a long minute. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Longer for us than it was for you, my friends. Joe Botelho.

Welcome to the show. Have you been on here before? Never first time in America? Oh wow. Where are you visiting from outside of Toronto?

HAMILTON Okay, and that's the type of shirt you think is acceptable here, actually. My my one of my best friends is also comic on the show. We're wearing the same shirt today.

He had a shirt with meatloaf, but he ate it.

Joe, Joe, you look like the guy that got me to did. Both grocery stores Cam and I worked at.

Why are you wearing now? What made you go with that? Is that to be silly and funny? No, I just said, I. What happened was I were wearing the shirts at Target and with Cool Store.

I like Target and and we're wearing them, and a girl walked by, Go, we bought the shirts. That's a random girl, random girl, that's not my wife.

So she thinks, I'm hot. I thought that was cool. Wait, the girl thought you were hot. Well, she thought the shirt was nice. That's kind of like the same.

No, like girls that they compliment you, if they go like this, that means they want to fuck you, don't touch anybody. See the Red X?

When you put that shirt on this morning and only had two bananas on, it was so hot. I'm on my third shower today. This fucking heat is hot. Wow, it's a hot shower, it is a hot heat that you are not in Canada.

No longer. What do you do for work? And I'm a roofer? you're a roofer in Canada. Oh boy, industrial, not houses.

I'm too big for right, so okay, did you tried houses? I didn't work out, I didn't.

I didn't roof my own house, my wife didn't let me. Okay, she didn't want you to. She just knows I'm too fat, right? And you're shaped like a ball.

And is she big? She's, Oh, yeah, she's big. How big is she? Guess her weight? guess?

She's like, you're dressed like a circus freak. Guess her weight? probably like, does she also wear like food clothes? Yeah, that's a question. Yeah, it's a good question. No, she doesn't like.

Yeah, no, she's like, probably like 50 pounds less than me, yeah, but it's like, mostly.

Yo shout out to my wife Laura, I love you. Oh yeah, yeah, you huge bitch.

Did you say she's mostly titty? She's, it's mostly titty fat. Yeah, oh wow, that's definitely got to be the name of your special dude if you ever do one.

Mostly titty fat. My kids are fat too. Wait, you brought your wife to? you brought your wife? No, no, no, I'm on vacation.

No, no, no, my wife's at home. yeah, my wife's from Canada. Is she cool? What part?

Oh.

Nice Alberta. Oh cool, that's where my friends from. Yeah, your friend. Oh yeah, oh Frank.

No, my Black friend, my your what friend, my Black friend, your Black friend wearing the same shirt. Yeah, yeah, your Black friend is wearing a shirt with bananas. Well, it's not racist in Canada, we don't have racism, we're the underground railroad.

Oh, really, tell that to the Indigenous people, I'm married to a native, I'm married to a Native American. Prove it.

Your ear to the ground and tell me if she's coming here, just see, I just look at the glass, like.

So you're married, you're married to a obese native. why didn't marry her obese? She was like, really like, sexy, Wow, damn. This is like at the Lando Lakes, lady got high on her own supply.

You know what I mean, I was fat.

Like, when you were, yeah, what? what made you guys this way? Probably? Chips pringles are really good meatloaf milkshakes.

Worst potatoes? Yeah, yeah, Canadians love pringles, really. I just hope I don't get too fat to put my hand in the can, I think you already have, really.

Wow, what do you do for fun? John Botelho Joe Botello Yeah, sure.

Banana Joe I don't know I. I have a special needs daughter. I love her very much. Oh, okay, that's something to work with.

Yeah, was she the girl that told you that shirt?

What kind of special needs are we talking? She is Canadian, she's one, yep, and they do half native, okay, but what's their special need? She's autistic and has epilepsy and some other stuff.

I can't. Yeah, fucking party time. What was that for? I think? Epilepsy, okay, epilepsy, epilepsy, okay.

So like, what happens? oh which part? like, what explain, explain, like when the epilepsy goes? Oh, it's a brutal.

Yeah, so she'll just like the easy ones, like, she just like looks up in the air and then turns to the side and just passes out the other ones. Like, you got clear, like kick tables out and everything and make sure she doesn't hurt herself. Sorry, but no, it's okay. That's what my wife does when we have sex.

But yeah, it's pretty brutal. How many kids do you have? Two? I have, an older son, stopped at the autistic one. Yeah, he's autistic.

No, just really, he's really Portuguese, he's really Portuguese. Yeah, it's very fortunate. What does that mean, exactly?

It's like, it's like Canadian, Mexican. I think it's, yeah, but I mean, what, what? you're just yeah, like, we work really hard, we ten.

Girls, how old's your son? He's? He's 19 19. What does he do right now? Just helps us watch our daughter, He's amazing.

He's a great big brother. Okay, that's awesome, that's good. How old's the daughter? She's gonna be 16 in December?

Okay, what are you gonna do when she turns 18?

You're gonna, she's gonna stay with us forever. Yeah, oh, okay.

You're not gonna kick her out of the house. okay? she might kick you out of the house. if she, yeah, she might eat, eat the house. What? I don't know. I was just trying to play on the fat things.

Yeah, wow, seem proud about all this. I'm able to provide and feed my family way too much carbohydrates. Oh shit, look at this fucking train of ugly people coming back.

Would you ever explain to them what I'm trying to say? Yeah, what Tony means is, I hope you guys everything went okay in the bathroom. And and thanks for coming out. Is there, like, Would your daughter ever go on like the biggest loser? Epilepsy edition? Oh, I would watch. Do they have that? They don't have that.

No, they just have different cages around the city, different cages. Yeah, just to lock him in. Yeah, that's Justin Trudeau, it's fucked. Yeah, is it really?

Yeah, epileptic, yeah. Well, then they'll crush the stuff so they don't want them to hurt people. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Are you being funny cuz?

We don't know, cuz Canada's fucking crazy, of course, you would believe me. No, there's no cages for the kids. Yeah, okay, are they pushing any weird?

Have they pushed any weird educational things on your kids that you've noticed? No, no, I mean, they don't really teach the autistic one much, but they just kind of change. You call her that, by the way? Yeah, Champ chief, I call her chief, cuz she's part native.

So right, okay, it's not racist, but yeah, after she has, like a seizure, you ever try spanking her like, like, you have to clean up like poo and pee usually? Yeah. Ah, yeah, right, band you piece of shit.

Go back to epilepsy is real funny, yeah, how dare you insult a fellow Pringle lover?

JOe Fun times my friend. You're walking out of here with a small joke book. You earned it. There you go. Congratulations. You're getting a gel blaster as well. Gel blaster available in stores everywhere. Make sure your kids don't play with it.

JOE All right, I pre-pulled another name. Here we go, make some noise for your next comedian out of the bucket. It's Ridge Hershberger, everybody.

Ridge Hershberger You guys having fun out there?

Oh, shit, make some noise for Ridge Hershberger, everyone.

Howdy y'all I?

May be the most Texan person you see tonight. A little bout myself. I'm from Pennsylvania.

I grew up on a farm and it was awesome, man, me and my brother. We'd make up our own adventures, like we made a diving board in our pond, we made boats out of 55-gallon drums, we made love.

The thing about farming is our entire livelihood depends on something we can't control the Jews.

The Jews control the weather.

I'm reading about the Jews, reading mine calm.

I'm kidding, it's the Bible.

Actually, I'm listening to the audio version because I'm still trying to learn how to read, and and it's the King James version, so it's narrated by LeBron James.

RIDGE HERSHBERGER With a fantastic set, very fun. You've been on the show before. Correct, correct. Yeah, and it was a couple years ago, right? years ago, yeah, three years ago. I remember you. Yep, and I I mean, that is just an incredible amount of growth that we're seeing there.

This set obviously went a lot better than the last set. Am I correct? Yeah, yeah, I just started then.

Yeah, right, and here you are, three years into the game. Working beats owning your own style, talking about yourself. I loved the Texas Pennsylvania start. You flowed the whole way through. It's incredible to see. thank you.

Thank you with a with a last name like Hertzberg, how could you say anything anti-Jewish? I mean, we will foreclose on your parents.

That's, that's one of my questions. You think I should lean into that? I guess you look a lot different now, man. Like it since last time, I know.

So good, good, good, thank you. You. Look, you look 20 years younger than a 26 year old that was up here.

Red Band reminded me of something. Were you the one that got the lap dance at the Paramount? was that you? Yeah, I did, yeah.

Hell yeah, look at that. How's life gone for you in the love department since then?

I actually, I. We talked a little bit and I asked her, The zoo, Okay, go on. You see a bunch of Canadians wearing banana shirts there, and she said she had a photo shoot. Yeah, right.

That's the guy that fucked her, by the way.

How are you doing in Austin in the dating scene? Now? Post a photo shoot. Girl, Oh yeah, it's fine. Uh, let's see.

What time? when's the last time you got to take off those overall?

Three, four weeks ago. Okay, tell us about that. What happens where a guy like Ridge Hershberger unstraps those two chest straps? Did you wear underwear underneath those sometimes?

Wow, look at that, incredible. Or maybe he keeps them on and just to hold them. I don't know what the right, you know?

My move, My move is, hey, I want to get laid, so I'm gonna go get drunk. Yeah, I, this sounds bad, I guess. If the zoo doesn't work out what's like plan B, I don't.

I like going to stepping, go to step in, that's plan C. Take her to the farm, your farm. yeah, you still have a farm, your family, my family has a farm, yeah.

Yeah, I was just here. Yeah, we're Pennsylvania. What were they? what did they raise? We have dairy cows, 300 dairy cows.

Yeah, that's, that's a hard job, not for me. Oh, I'm a head. Are you giving out loans? Am I giving out loans? Yeah, we're actually looking to buy a farm.

Yeah, I'm giving out loans, I'm also giving out hair conditioner.

Wait, is that my hair? No, you fucking idiot? Of course it is. Ah, you want him on your side? He controls the weather.

So 300 cows out there, what? Let's go back to your love life here three weeks ago. What do you do? You go to a bar?

Yeah, you go to a comic club, hangout, and then you go up to a girl, what do you say? What's your opening line here? Let's.

Here's a little Shakespearean art. I get a little like soft, jazzy music, guys, just like a little like, just a little. Yeah, there you go, we're out, we are out, we're at a comedy club. Adam Ray is a girl.

She, Hi, Tony said. I could have another rum and diet. Thank you so much. Hey, hey, what's up? You mean a pay for that?

I'm sorry, what?

You want me to pay for this? God, don't fucking yell at me. Jesus. Yeah, great, they come after me, so I so you use it.

Sorry, no, no, no, all right, hold on.

Hold on, hold on. Do you have any money? Yeah, a lot.

¿How much?

Anyways, okay.

Well, very good at this. That's okay. Okay, well, tell us life right now, there's a girl here and she's a ridge. Hershberger doesn't have the acting chops that we thought he might.

Three weeks ago, we're getting drinks we got, we went to stepping and then we went back to her place. Because you don't have a place, I.

Do I have a place? I live with a people? He's one of those guys that lives with, like, 42 other comics. Is that true? No, I don't.

What's your living situation? I live with a gay couple and then another guy and older guys are like 15 over, yeah.

You live with a gay couple and another guy, Yeah, yeah, do you think the gay couple says that they live with a gay couple?

Dude, a gay couple think two-stepping is gay.

I haven't talked to them about it, they think it's cool. No, they don't think you don't think gay people go to.

Tango tape, take it from me. I would show us a little two-step. Yeah, let's see it. Can we play some two-step music?

Oh my god, I think he just tied somebody up. Oh shit, that was the girl being like, Okay, I'm not having fun anymore. What are you doing?

All right, all right, all right, come on, it's cool.

I live with a couple of gay guys. Come on over all right Ridge, so you go back to this girl's house, then what happens?

Then we take, I take my boots off. Oh, wow, we're actually going step-by-step here. That is indeed step two for the two-step up. Then we get her a bed.

I know we. What about the overalls? We all want to know about the trademark overalls. When did those come off? Listen to all these horny women out here.

It's unbelievable. I guess. We're all wondering, like, what, what's Farmer Foreplay? do you know? I'm saying?

Yeah, you'd play with the writer, you play with the rudders a little bit. You're right, you're right around the tractor and it gets a little bouncy. You know, I get some excited. Oh, you're serious.

Yeah, no, farmer foreplay a little this, oh gosh.

Was what was it? what was that milking a cow? Okay, let's talk real-life Ridge. What happens?

You go there, you take off your boots and then what, get the bed, and then you, you have sex. Hey, no, no, no, no, that's not the order of events. Your overalls are still on it. Yeah, I don't think.

I guess it would go boots and then a hat, okay, then what, that overalls and then what, sure.

You still have you hope it's erect by then, you still have your socks on.

You son of a bitch, isn't that supposed to make you last longer or something? I don't know. Is it I would? I've always asked people for special sexual tips or maneuvers that if I, if you keeping your socks on makes you last longer, I'm interested. Is that a thing that you've heard before?

Yeah, is that something you learned out on the farm? Yeah, yeah, I heard it from someone, I'm sorry. At what point do you tag in your roommates?

Right at the beginning, Nice Ridge, Back when you did the show did. Were we even giving out joke books? No, no, well, guess what, my friend, you're walking away with a big one here, you know? Yeah, and rich, I'd love to have you on next week's secret show if you want next week's secret.

There you go, you got bugged Ridge Hershberger, everybody.

All right, we're gonna keep it moving along. This is definitely a new name because I would know if I had seen this name before. Make some noise for your next comedian out of the bucket. We're gonna meet them all together. It's Tony Wellens, everybody, Tony Wellens.

There goes a new Tony on Kill Tony. Here he is Tony Wellens. everyone make some noise for Tony.

These people wait all day for this.

Me and my girlfriend recently broke up. I was sad that was she was a squirter. I, yeah, I had no idea. That's just what another guy told me, and.

Psych Bitch, I'd be making that pussy pop drop and roll, Motherfucker, I'd be in that pussy all night. God, I want to be black so bad, I know I'm just kidding.

I do have a Black brother-in-law, so basically what I'm saying is my sister is fat and.

She is, but, uh, no, it's cool dating new people, new experiences, like I hooked up with a girl at Nipple Piercings that was fun.

That was interesting, like I'd never had that before. Sucking on nipple piercing, it tastes like I was sucking on the end of, like a double-a battery. She was like, you turn on, like, I'm fucking charged up.

That's for sure. I thought you could jumpstart a car with these things, but I got damn power. A small Vietnamese city with these. But, uh, goddang nickel nips over here, fucking generator jugs, all right.

No, I hate to. I hate to degrade her and just think of her as body parts, but nipples was a really cool girl and.

My sisters love to tell me that joke is misogynistic, and I really hate that because I don't like it when they voice their opinions.

What a great set, Tony Wellens.

In unbelievable 60 seconds. Welcome Tony. This is your first time on the show, Correct Tony? How long you been doing stand-up? about four years? Where are you from? Orlando? You still live in Orlando?

No, I just moved here like two, three days ago. Amazing, you know who Cam Patterson is? That's my cousin, oh.

Really, dude, he called. Yeah, he was. Yeah, tell us about it. We love Cam Patterson. Remember this rock? He has a fucking.

He has a new rock every time I see him. Now. I don't know when he fucking picked up that habit, by the way, but yeah, it's pretty cool, it's cool. Tell us about how Cam, What did Cam tell you?

You were about to say something there. No, he just was, uh, he just called me all the times like, Dude need to get your ass here, you need to come here, all this.

See what? The first? When he first got here, he hated it. He was like, This sucks, it's terrible, but then, like, three days later, he's like, we need to move here, it's fucking.

This is the greatest. Yeah, it took him three days to make it.

Comedians everywhere. It was crazy. Yeah, it was just like, Obviously now he's the fucking, he's him at the bro.

He's, Oh, he's the guy he is, he is the future. You're very funny yourself, so four years in the game in Orlando, you just moved here days ago.

Yeah, yeah, how many days ago, like Friday, so you basically also made it in three days. Here you're here right now on the biggest show in the city.

Unbelievable the odds of being pulled out of the bucket near one in 200. And here it was fucking crazy. I was walking over to Creek and with my boy to sign up the open mic and I. He popped out and I was like, Tony Wells, he's like, Yeah. And I was like, Holy shit, I dude. I thought I manifested it too, I was like, this one.

We believe in that shit around here. Absolutely so. Tony, what do you do for a living in Orlando? I used to hang like window coverings, like blinds and shit.

Okay, hang blinds, be careful, d madness.

Fucking brilliant.

I'm trying to get, I'm trying to get Joe Rogan to invest in in wires. So that when I make a good joke, I float up in the air like, Oh my god, that's a solid. I haven't asked him yet, it's been a week, but I'm going to be down, I'm going to Joe shout out interior specialties.

Fuck you interior special. They fired me, but I'm, wow, you just went back to the questions real quick, huh? I just wanted to say that I was talking about my specialties. Okay, all right.

Wow, okay, really, you've been holding on to the anger you're talking about, the blind hanging company.

Yeah, why'd they fire you? I don't, I just missed the day, or just, no, that can't be it. What'd you do?

I swear to God, I just missed a day. They didn't turn a blind eye to that.

Thank you, no, you're good people, fucking whatever. you had. two really, really funny jokes. thank you. But can you two-step?

Can I two-step? No, that's the fat girl. Oh shit, oh, hey oh. He is Camp Patterson's cousin.

It's all pretty close. Yeah, fresh off the boat, the gang signs. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

What do you do for fun? ToNY WELLEnS Uh, I should like, Man on the Street videos I like to work out, and that's really just comedy, that's about it.

What do you do on your man on the street videos? I get up in like characters and shit. I do like a I kind of have, like a character that's like a black guy, like, hits on women. Oh, we gotta see this.

Wait, wait, wait. improv redemption. Yeah, I play the girl in this scene again. Absolutely, here we go show we have a little guy.

What's the what's the scene? A jazz club? You're a Black guy, I'm a girl.

Is that what it is? Yes, yeah, Jazz club, let's let's. yeah, let's run it back all right, here we go.

Jazz club, little light music not too loud, so that we can hear the actors here.

Hey, um, another rum and diet red band said. I could put it, What's going on? Shawty? Hey, can I holler at you for a second? Oh great, another Black guy.

Yeah, what's up? I just want to hi Ron, What's your name? I'm looking at you. I'm gonna call you McDonald's, cuz I'm looking at you and I'm loving it. Bitch, Okay?

Hey, listen, listen, listen, bitch. Okay, and.

Scene Wow, incredible, great job. Wow, great job, straight to an aggressive, unlubricated hand job.

That it's that, oh, you saw that, huh? My space work is bad. How long have you been doing Black Voice for? Maybe since I was like, 12?

Wow, see, I don't, dude. I grew up in the suburbs, bro. every, every white kid in the suburbs wants to be black. Good. So it's like a kind of like a fun thing, I like, joke around, but it's like, we all.

They really, they listen to rap music, they all want to be. they think they're Black. If they listen to rap music, why they don't want to work? You keep on washing your hands, I don't know why I keep doing that.

Sorry, it's just keep on watching Invisible. That's a that's a don't, John, he said. That's black people shit.

What else about you? What are what are some other? Oh shit, d madness releasing the Ash?

Makes that look like when LeBron look like LeBron James before a game for I'm kidding. D. Your hands are well moisturized. He's not laughing. I know, I know.

God damn right, we love you. D. Have you performed in Florida since you moved out here? yeah.

Yeah, a bunch.

All right, motherfucker, I'm just trying to make small talk. You should do. Black man voice back Oh hell, no bitch, don't ever fucking talk to me again, motherfucker.

Wow, cam.

Wait, so what have you got? But seriously, okay, so two days ago. But where did you have a home club in Florida? You said you started in Orlando, right? Yeah, no, shout out Melchior comedy. Me and camera always up at that spot, or like the only no problem some spots there too. Yeah, I.

Hosted maybe about like three. They don't really show as much love as I want to for some of the home come. Well, now you're here, let's talk about your living situation. What is it like here for you?

Oh, here, yeah, it's disgusting. How disgust. How many gay couples do you live in? No, no gay couples, but I live with.

I to Asians I've yet to meet them, no comment.

I don't even know I brought the Asian shit in there, I know they just the race shouldn't have anything to do with it. It's just, uh, I got a face. Yeah, totally.

No, we don't see.

You got them off Facebook Marketplace, the place I got the place off the Facebook Marketplace. It's the wait, it's hold on. What kind of, what kind of Asians?

First of all, I've yet to meet them. Wait, but I know just by talking on the phone that they're Asian. Can you? How do you know? No, yeah, you have to do the voice, hold on.

Wait, wait, wait.

Sorry, sorry, you don't need to do that, you don't need to do that. sorry, sorry. Soon as I thought, I was like, don't say that, but then here's the deal.

If you think you can do Black voice, that means you can do Asian voice. So Adam, you be him calling Facebook marketplace. Can we get a little bit of a Asian music? Hold on a second, can I get a little?

I've never requested this before before. We start the scene. Just a little bit of DS, perhaps you can cook something up there.

Oh, it's red bands, can you give me a phone? Hold on, this is gonna get it. Let the professional musician, all right, Tony, right?

We're no longer in a jazz club. You're Tony Wellins calling Facebook Marketplace, you have a you have a phone ringing thing on sound effect here, you got that.

I know we got that.

Man, these Asian motherfuckers got so many numbers.

I'm Tony Wellington.

Hello, uh, hello.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, motherfucker. This sounds like a white guy pretending to be an Asian guy. Who be this. Would you like the room for 580 a month? Wow, turned into dracula there.

Fuck you. I tried my best, I tried my best.