#2128 - Joey Diaz

This is a good way to open up the podcast, because Jamie is an expert on all things black Twitter. Well... What's going on, Jamie? I don't know. There's a lot going on. A lot of rumors are flying. The rumors are that Diddy was running some kind of Epstein-type deal where he was filming everybody. Right? That's the rumors. Yeah, I don't know that there's any proof for anything other than that. The thing is, like, we're getting the rumors from the internet, and the internet thinks that the Taliban took out that bridge in Baltimore, so it's like, who fucking knows? Who knows what's real? That's what Diddy's lawyers, I think, said. It was like, yeah, these are just trumped-up charges. Not trumped-up. I don't think they said that, but, like, bullshit charges. Dude, when Homeland Security invades your house with dudes with fucking guns and body armor, there's... Someone said that they weren't there to take stuff. They were there to delete everything, like, the real people that were in there, you know? Oh, that's funny. Like the family of Epstein. Oh, that's funny. That's funny. Of course. There's layers upon layers. When you get into these fucking conspiracy theories, man, they never end. They never end. There's just layers upon layers upon layers. It's fun to talk about. It is fun to talk about. It's hard to know what's true, but people genuinely love it. when someone like Diddy gets caught, though. The glee that people have is weird.

Why?

Because he's too successful.

Yeah, he said he was to leave early.

Yeah, when Luke from 2 Live Crew is leaving early, like, you, got a wild party.

What are you going to do? I'm not doing nothing. We're not involved in them. I was never at Diddy's party, I don't even know the motherfucker, I don't want to know nobody. Telling jokes. Like I told you.

Having fun. That's it.

Smoking, dope. Cracking jokes. Making people laugh. That's it. Everything else is background music. And living in LA, you have all this shit that's going on around you. That's what I, you know, you have your life and then you have all this shit that goes in and out of your ears all fucking day and you're like, I just want to do stand-up.

You also have those celebrity environments where celebrities all get together, and there's so many of them, you know, in these wild parties. And if you got a wild party and P. Diddy puts on that wild party and, you know, he sets everybody up. Like if you were an intelligence agent, you know, like a Jeffrey Epstein type deal, that'd be the way to do it. Big old, crazy party, get everybody loose.

And get the cameras rolling.

Get them the yayo. Get them the yayo. And everything else. Get them everything you need. Get fired up. Get those cameras rolling. And now you got everybody under wraps.

Yeah.

You got to concentrate. That is a skill that I never picked up. The roll, your own skill. Never picked it up.

Sometimes you got no choice but to pick it up.

Yeah, no, I should have.

You're sitting there with Reefer.

I admire people that do it. When I see a person that can roll a solid joint, I'm like, that is a, that's an exceptional person. It's like a person who can play guitar. I'm like, oh, you took the time. There's a level of skill with it too. Some people can roll some nice ones. Oh, yeah, man. They're done by a machine. I've seen dudes in Instagram driving their car rolling with one hand. That's next level. Yeah, that's next level. That's next level. Charlie Murphy could roll a hell of a blunt. Charlie Murphy is one of those. You know who else rolls a hell of a blunt? Louis.

I just don't want to get high. It's like free base and coke. I got to run it and run it through a shot. That's got to dry. No, just give me the fucking reefer. I'd rather. I like smoking blunts, but that's what gave me pneumonia. That's something. I started smoking blunts. Yeah? Sure enough.

It gave you pneumonia? Pneumonia.

Pneumonia. Really? Pneumonia. That's something.

Do you think it's definitely from that?

It was that and the sleep. It was a bunch of shit. What it really was was I had an abscess.

Oh.

And the sleep mask. Oh. I cleaned that motherfucker for 20 years.

Oh, really?

In my mouth as I was shooting with Kevin.

Oh, you had no idea? No.

I'm spitting blood and pus and I'm like, oh. Oh, no. And then I started feeling sick.

Oh, no.

It gets in your bloodstream. Thank God we wrapped. I'm fucking. I'm like, I'm not going to make it home. Ooh. I couldn't even drive. I got home. I went right to sleep. The next day I got up and went right to the doctor. And that started, you know, because doctors aren't. Now they send you to 20 different places. So by the time you get there, you know what this started with the pneumonia?

What?

They saw a fucking thing in my kidney. What's that when you have a.

Kidney stones? Kidney stone. Yeah.

They go, we got to start drinking whatever. I'm like, kidney stones?

Yeah.

Then I went to another doctor and he's like, you're not a kidney stone. There's something wrong with the bottom of your lung.

Oh.

And there's a cyst in your heart.

A cyst?

Something that kept growing over the years, like a little boil by one of the valves. Oh, Jesus. All right. Then he sent me for another one. And then finally, Eisenberg fucking sent me to the real deal. And he goes, this eliminates everything. When I left there, I thought he was going to say, we're going to put in a stent and all this shit. He goes, no, just aspirin. I just want you to go on a baby aspirin.

Really?

That's it. He goes, your heart's perfect. You're good.

That's it.

My calcium score was good, which was very fucking surprising. You know, I stopped eating bacon in the mornings. Yeah. How come? I do an avocado toast instead. You know, I'd rather do avocado toast with an egg and a bowl of fruit.

That's good.

Yeah. That's perfect.

That's good.

You know, I used to eat a cheese omelet with French fries with 10 pieces of bread with butter on it. So this works.

This is better.

This works.

That's definitely better. Get them healthy fats. Yeah. How good is that sushi place you went to? Oh, my God. Shout out to Yuki Hand Roll. Jesus Christ.

Yeah. The fucking, when you got up to go to the bathroom, that's when he dropped my roll. I'm like, whose is this? It was just a fucking chunk. And especially now, with this new economics, that sushi's getting smaller and smaller and

It is in a lot of places.

This fucking, there was two hunks of fucking tuna. there. I'm full.

Big. They give you big pieces at Yuki. And the guy came from Nobu. Super sweet guy. Really nice guy.

You guys have put together a hell of a fucking time. Remember, we've been coming here since 1988.. Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

It's like an empire. You guys were talking in the green room last night about all the different restaurants. And you guys didn't stop.

So many people moved here. Didn't stop. You guys did not.

Everybody had a suggestion. How about this place? Mm-hmm. You ask for a steak here, eight people raise their hand. Yeah. Mexican food. Go to that place. that's fusion or whatever.

There's so many good steakhouses in town that people forget. You know, you go, oh, you got Jay Carver's, right. Perry's. Perry's. Bob's.

Bob's. There's excitement down there.

Three Forks. Three Forks.

Yeah. It's very exciting. You know, the last two nights, the store in its heyday, like 2019, 2018, I gotta be honest with you, I would do my spots and I would have to go to the kitchen and sit in the corner by myself and I would just watch to think that this was really happening. Because it would assault all your, like. it was just so much. It was celebrities. Yeah. I remember one night, half of UFC was there. Yeah. You know, like you look around, there's fucking eight guys in the UFC right there and you're like, what the fuck is happening up here? What the fuck, all these people, you know. The last two nights, I had to leave early. And you go home and you can't sleep.

Yeah.

Last night, when you text me, I was awake. I got home at fucking 11.. I couldn't sleep from everything. I was writing and fucking, thinking and coming on his head and fucking. You know, it's what stand up does to you at night. It's, you know, you can't not be a fucking early riser with stand up, because even if you do an eight o'clock show, unless you're a fucking mope, you're thinking about that set. Yeah. Even when you're eating with your friend. You know where you weren't weak tonight, even though you did great. That one joke didn't work. You're thinking about how you can make it better. That's what I missed. I didn't miss the planes. I didn't miss the hotels. Right. I missed having four ideas and starting to get on stage and trying to connect those four ideas together. And when those four ideas get connected together, I'm just saying four ideas, three different premises.

Right, right.

It's the best feeling. It's better than sex.

It's incredible. Better than sex.

And that's what I missed. Everything else. I didn't look at the age and all. No.

Well, there's a relationship with the audience. that's so pure because, you know, they know you like, they really know you. They know you from podcasts. They know you from your bits. They fucking know you and they know you from conversations. They get it. And then they're watching you put together this thing. that's really for them. It's for you because you create it and, you know, you get paid to say it and you get this great feeling that you did it. But for a person like a fan, like when I was watching you last night as a fan, like I got to see a bunch of new shit that you were doing, that I was telling you was killing me. But it's. it's a beautiful feeling. It's a great feeling when someone that you really love is really who's really funny. He's got new stuff and they're killing it. And it's just like this, this atmosphere. So there's 250 people. We're all sharing this moment. So it's it's super positive in like all ways. It makes people feel better. They leave that place. They feel better. And so when you know that you can do that, then you get together in the green room. afterwards. You're like, ah, this one bit is like something missing. It's fucking. there's something clunky about it. It just feels fake. It feels like it's to perform. I got to rework it. I got to rework it. And then you start from scratch. You figure it out. But it's just because you want to get to that place where the fan, the audience, is like, yes. Ah, you hit him with some shit they didn't see coming. And oh, or they get to see some shit that maybe you did six months ago. But now it's tight.

Tighter. Yeah.

Now it's got all these new punch lines and new new avenues that you could take it to.

The worst is when you three years later and you get a bit and you're like, you know what?

I wish I could use that bit. Right.

That bit I did three years ago fits right in here now. But, you know, if I bring it up, people are going to know I'm doing old jokes.

Yeah, but sometimes just shove it in there anyway. Who cares? Just because it fits. It's perfect. It's funny. The whole idea is just be as funny as possible.

Yeah.

You're always supposed to be coming up with new material, for sure. But, you know, I don't mind when somebody busts out an old bit.

The other night when I got here, I landed at 1130.. I got my luggage by quarter to 12.. I walked out. When I got in that car, you should have seen that airport. It was live at midnight. Fucking tons of people coming into Austin. I mean, I was like, this has changed a lot. This airport used to be a sleepy, fucking hollow.

Yeah, the whole town. The pandemic changed the whole town. You know, and then a lot of the tech companies moved here, too. That was a big part of it. A lot of these young people just didn't want any part of San Francisco anymore. They're like, we've got to get the fuck out of here.

Who would want to live there?

Who would want to live there? It's dangerous. It's weird. You know, Elon was saying five of his friends have been assaulted or robbed.

Five.

You can't lock your car.

Yeah, you've got to leave your car open.

Window open because they're going to smash it. How do you live like that? Yeah.

They basically empowered mental patients who are drug addicts to just live on the street and shit everywhere and harass people. And there's no sign that they're turning it around. They don't seem to be turning it around at all. Except for when Xi Jinping came to town. I told him if I was a mayor, I'd buy Xi Jinping a condo. Like, when he's in town, everything's clean. When he came to San Francisco, they moved all the tents. They put up fences so people couldn't put tents back up. They cleaned the streets. And Gavin Newsom was like, well, when you have guests come over, you clean up your house. Like, what?

You know, in my criminal head, I used to move around a lot. And I ended up in San Francisco. August of 85.. I was in Boulder. The cops were looking for me. And I said, fuck it. Where do I go? I went to the airport and I picked a spot. And I go, what's the closest flight here, leaving San Francisco? All right, get me to San Francisco. And I went up there. And I went right to the Tenderloin, Joe.

And it was buck wild.

I mean, for a New York City kid to look at you and go, I'll be careful down there. I still remember in 1985, they had a place called Coffee Runs. That was a topless coffee place. Yeah. With the ugliest titties you've ever seen in your fucking life. I mean, they weren't award-winning titties. Soggy. They looked like a puppy was going to milk on them. But they had that. Yeah. And they were open 24 hours, right down the block from me.

It was a wild city.

It was wild. And up the corner were hookers for fucking miles.

It had a stand-up scene, but it never had a stand-up scene like Boston or New York.

No, but it was a good stand-up scene.

Solid scene. Robin Williams came out of there. Who else?

Slayton.

Margaret Kim?

Margaret Cho. Margaret Cho. Her mother had a bookstore downstairs or something. A couple of funny guys came out of Frisco.

Sorry, Margaret.

The comedy festival really was great up there. Yeah, it really did a lot for a lot of guys.

I never went to that one.

I did it. I quit. Yeah? Four nights. What am I doing? I'm sleeping on the beach. I'm paying for my own hotel. And the judges are comedians from San Francisco. And I'm coming in fucking 12th every night because they don't know me. These guys are coming in first. The judges are hugging them, smoking dope with them.

What year was this?

97-ish, 98.. I drove home. I went to the comedy store. They let me go up. And I went to the House of Blues and saw Celia Cruz. Instead of fucking beat. I left Thursday night.

The House of Blues used to be the shit. The shit. We used to go across the street and watch killer bands.

Fucking, unbelievable. It was amazing. Just walk in. Come on over.

Yeah, they just let us in. It was amazing.

I went to see one of my mother's friends. My mother's friend was this Cuban dude, Patato Totico. They're huge in Cuba. And he was playing there by himself. He had to be like 70..

Before I forget, what is your cousin's band in Cuba? That band.

Emi Alfonso. Emi.

Emi Alfonso. She had some new shit.

She was just here. She came down for class.

I wanted to put them on the Spotify list. This shit is banging, but I couldn't remember.

She came here for fucking South by Southwest.

Really? Yeah, she was in South by Southwest. How do you say it?

Emi. E-M-E.

E-M-M-Y.

E-M-E.

E-M-E.

A-L-F. Alfonso. A-L-F-O-N-S-O.

Emi Alfonso. Got it. Bam. There it is.

Can you believe that's my family up there? The Instagram shot.

What's a good song that I should put on the Spotify playlist?

That's my family, bro. That's my legitimate fucking family. That guy on the far left is my mother's brother. That's his son that owns La Factoria in Cuba, the big club where you go to. That's his sister, and that's my aunt. Wow. That dude is 80 years old, and he's still a musician, plays congas.

Wow.

You know, the whole fucking thing. Emi lives in, no, Eki, the guy with the dreads, my cousin. He lives, like, in fucking Germany or some shit. Really? Yeah, he don't even go to Cuba. He goes to Cuba to pick up a check or something.

Is he allowed to go in and out?

He's a band member.

Oh, okay.

He's playing in a band and fucking.

Give me a, what song should I put on the playlist? How's Keep Your Head Up?

No.

The one that you really liked that time was the one where she's walking.

Which one's that?

I forget.

All right, listen, I'll screenshot this. I'll come back to it later. I'll put some of them on the Spotify.

And while I got you, can we look at the car?

Oh, yeah.

Steven Seagal in the movie with the Jamaicans.

Jamie said he had a 69 Mach 1..

I didn't say 69.. I didn't know.

He said Mach 1.. Mach 1.. He said M-A-C, and I was like, that's probably a Mach 1.. It's an old muscle car, right?

Yes, sir.

It's probably.

How fast is that?

Oh, it's fast as fuck. They handle like shit. But that's the 69.. That's the one John Wick had. The 70, it's not quite as good looking. But still, great fucking car. I forgot about this scene. Oh, they crushed it with two trucks. Damn it.

I forgot the name of this movie, but it's god awful. Mark for death. Screw face.

This movie's so bad.

It's really bad. And then he kills him, then he comes back from life. I'm like, alright, that's it.

He kills him and he comes back from the dead, right?

Screw head, screw face or something.

Oh, he lights him on fire and he has to escape. This is so dumb.

I don't want to see that shit.

I don't want to see it either, but Tom Segura thinks I do.

We can watch it. The only fucking thing that amazes me about Instagram. I don't know what's going on. But if you go to look, this section here, Break it down for me.

The explore section.

The search. Is that there? I still can't put together these women. Are they hookers? Are they just showing their bodies?

First of all, some of them... Look at this one.

Yeah, that one.

What are they doing? They got fake babies. They got fake babies. So they pull their tits out to breastfeed fake babies. So it's like a hack. So they can... What's that? Link in bio. Yeah, you go in that bio. Bam. And then there's probably an OnlyFans.

All right.

And then... Love Me. It's a different one. Oh, it's a dating. Oh, you're done. You have a virus on your computer right now. We need to blow up that computer. We'll take that computer to the range. Fill it full of lead. It's like... So they just rope you in. They get lonely, lost guys. And they see this girl breastfeeding a rubber baby. And they dump... I mean, that's how Andrew Tate made all his money. Coming in hot. Bunch of titties. Lots of titties.

Then they got the other girls that flip the camera around and show their monkey and then show their face. And I can't figure out what the fuck that's about either. I'm like, why are they doing this? They show their face and they flip it. They show their underwear, monkey. And then they flip back and they start talking to you. I'm like, why are they doing that?

OnlyFans. Yeah, they're trying to get you to go to their website, or OnlyFans, or whatever that website was. It's just a bunch of girls that get hired, I'm sure. I'm guessing. But this is what I imagined. They get hired by an agency or some company. And they put a fake name to them. And they say, link in bio. You go to the link in the bio and you go to some porn site. Or you go to some dating site. Or you go to some OnlyFans type site. And lost guys who don't have any money or they don't have anybody with them. They're sad. They give up all their cash. They get hundreds of thousands of dollars off these dopes. And the way Andrew Tate was doing it, he would have the girls sit in front of the keyboard, typing with their tits out. And then him and his friends would be over on the side and they would be typing all the shit. Because they knew what the guy wanted to hear. So they would type all the things for the guy and the guys would just donate money. And they were making millions. Millions. That is crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. But, you know, it's one of those things where there's certain kind of scams, where I think they should be legal. Like televangelists. Like late night preachers. It's so obvious. It should be legal. If they're getting you with that, I don't have a problem. I've never called for the banning of televangelists. You know when they're like,

God told me I need a private jet.

There's no way I can do the Lord's Duty flying commercial. And these guys, they'll fucking sell it. They'll sell it. This one guy was telling people that if they're broke, they have no money, if they just send whatever they can, everything they have, God will bless them with ten times more. He just kept saying that. So he was trying to get people that literally had nothing. And if you send me, the guy in the $5,000 suit, with the big pinky ring, if you send me your money, whatever you have left, God will bless you ten times over.

I don't believe the banning of anybody who could take money out of your pocket. Do you know that? Because if you're that fucking stupid, it's like, who raised you?

It gets to a certain level where I'm like, okay, wait a minute. Like financial market stuff. Like when people are pulling stock schemes and pumping dumps and things like that. Yeah, that's different.

That's different.

That's different. Then you're actually getting intelligent people, like Bernie Madoff. You're actually getting intelligent people. Yeah, they just trusted you.

I'm talking about, like when an African sends you a text message and says, fucking come, bail me out. If you send me $500, you're going to inherit $80 million. You know how many people get, every year, 60 Minutes has a fucking expose about some African that's taking money from fucking people and they keep doing it.

Speaking of which, I should probably bring this up. There's a lot of people that are getting emails from a scammer saying that they're being invited onto this podcast.

Yes, they are. Yeah. A dear friend of mine keeps asking me, what the fuck is this about?

Yeah, hundreds of people. I don't know how many people have been contacted. And it's more than one account that's doing it. And I think it's some sort of a scam to get your Facebook information or some sort of information or credit card information or something. Don't do it.

Don't do it.

Don't do it. We will never ask you for anything like that. And if we contact you, it'll be obvious. It's obvious also that whoever the person is writing these things, at least in the ones that have been sent to me, it seems like English is their second language. They don't seem to know exactly how to phrase things in a way that an American would phrase things. So it seemed a little obvious to me that it was shifty and obvious to a lot of other people, but a bunch of people sent them to me.

Okay, yeah, because I had one I was going to show you. I think I erased it. He sent it to me yesterday. And he was like, yeah, ask them. They keep sending me these fucking things from the Joe Rogan experience. He doesn't know.

Yeah, it's just scammers. You know, they reach out to you through Instagram, or they find out you follow me, or maybe I talked about you on the podcast, or maybe something like that. And the next thing, you know, you get a letter.

That's where it was invented. They're the best at it.

They are the best. When did they first start email scamming people? Probably right after email got invented. I don't know. When was the first Nigerian Prince email scam? Because it's always like, I have all this money, but I need $1,000 to get it out. If you help me get it out, you get $10 million.

I can't get mad at you for something like that. Because you look at that and you giggle. You look at that and you giggle. Any of that stuff online, you have to look at. I don't press nothing online. If you send me a Facebook message and I click on something, I don't click.

I don't touch it. Good.

I don't open it. When that shit starts happening, when things start popping up, that's when I turn off the computer. I hit a button that I should not fucking hit. Fuck you. I don't go into any of those things. Even friends of mine that send me shit, I'm busy. Yeah. That's smart.

Yeah.

1910..

Wow. The Nigerians started in the 1900s? I wouldn't know. 1910?.

Yeah.

The origins of the Nigerian print scam date back to 1910, when it went by another name, the Spanish Prisoner Swindle. Oh. Back then, victims received a message as a letter in the mail rather than on the internet. But the same basic structure between the two scams remains the same. Between both scams remain the same. The Spanish Prisoner Swindle centers around a wealthy foreign nobleman who is imprisoned for political reasons. The nobleman claims to know the location of a lost treasure. And that he's willing to share this treasure with the victim. The problem is he's in prison and needs the victim to send him money so he can bribe his way out. Wow.

Do you think it's IQ? Or do you think it's...

IQ is interesting, right? Because IQ doesn't necessarily mean intelligence, because it depends upon your education. Because some of the questions in IQ tests are predicated on a knowledge of math and understanding of how to do equations and certain things that you learn in school. But there's intelligence, that is social intelligence, intelligence in terms of being able to see what the problems are in a certain choice you make or what the up benefits are of a different choice. There's people that are strategizers and they're really good at business. They're really good at figuring people out. They're really good at figuring themselves out. There's an intelligence to that. So the problem with IQ in my mind is I know a lot of people with very high IQs, but their life is a clumsy mess. So it's like it really is dependent upon what is the mental horsepower you have, and how are you applying that mental horsepower. Are you Gary Clark Jr. and applying that mental horsepower to music and you're a genius, but you're a genius in music? Or are you Lex Friedman and you're making artificial intelligence and coding robots? Are you Elon Musk? You're making spaceships. What are you doing with this intelligence? So IQ, there's limitations of it, but at least it's an indicator of how smart a person is. It's an indicator. It's not the only indicator. There's other factors that I think are much more intangible. They're much harder to measure and weigh. That's my take on it. I think it means something.

I think if your parents opened up your eyes. Something. You know, it's like I do that bit, and it's true. I really do. I'm mad at my guidance counselor. I really am deep down inside, because he was telling you all about those job possibilities and college possibilities, but you only forgot to tell us about New York being right across the river and all the possibilities you had over there. I would have done this shit earlier.

You mean stand-up?

Everything. I would have tried anything earlier.

The thing is, no one's ever going to advise that you take the riskiest chance in show business. No one's ever going to advise that you...

I didn't want to be a show business guy, but I wish you would have told me. You know, if you want to take acting lessons, you go to the city.

That's show business.

I didn't know. I didn't know that fucking... When I'd watch a movie, I thought you just walked on the fucking thing and they gave you a part. That's how stupid I was when I was young.

It's not stupid. It's uninformed.

I thought when a stand-up did a special, I thought he just showed up and they had a camera and he goes I'm ready, and that's what I thought. I didn't think any... You know, I didn't really know. I'm mad that he didn't open up. I see the kids I grew up with. You got to see the people around you and some of us saw some things and some of us didn't. Some of us saw a path that was different than just getting a job and working 40 years and getting a watch. You know? I don't think they opened up our minds to that stuff. There was a lot of stuff that we didn't... In my house. she would fucking tell... Like my mother was crazy. When I was six. she would put a fucking gold chain on me that belonged to a man and she'd make me put it out and she'd go. I want you to walk the streets like this or somebody fucks you. You know... I mean... And I would... Now I think about these stories and I go... What was she doing?

Right. Why was she getting you to go outside with a valuable piece of jewelry around your neck? as a little kid? I remember one night.

I was getting ice cream on 88th Street and the gold chain was hanging. And when I went to get the cone from Mr. Softy, he goes, that's a nice chain. And he looked at it and my mother was watching from the window. She was like punch him in the fucking face. I'm like... Eight. I'm like eight. Don't let nobody touch your face. Like she was... They... She just did things. You know? Like... Don't go in the... Don't go in the car with people. Like just... General shit that they... Uh... Banged into your fucking head.

Well, that's good. All that stuff's good.

I mean that's... Like I was out there every fucking day. You know?

It's a different kind of intelligence, right?

Street smarts. Absolutely. Absolutely.

You know? And it's also informed. You're informed. You're informed about the dangers of your environment. And some people, if they grow up in the suburbs and they go to really nice schools, they're lost in those environments. They...

Talk... I'm worried about kids today.

You should be.

Listen. My... I didn't know this. I just spoke to somebody in my old neighborhood. And we were talking about something. They go, you should see the neighborhood at 2.30.. Fucking, you can't drive. And I go, why? She goes, McKinley School, where I went. She goes, the parents pick them up with cars. I go, what are you talking about? We walk those streets home. There was just three blocks... It's a block from the... The neighborhood. She goes, not anymore. Those kids don't walk those streets at all. And they live right there. Yeah. I mean, it's not like across town, like, you know. You got to get those kids out.

Yeah, they got to get out of the house. We got to get them out. How many kids are just at home playing video games?

Oh, it drives me fucking crazy when my daughter goes knocking on people's door and they're like, no, well, they're inside playing video games. You know, it's 70 fucking degrees out. Yeah. And I just call Mr. Softy. He's on his way. What the fuck? Yeah, I got Mr. Softy's number in my neighborhood. First time I met him, I gave him an edible and he's like, where you at?

And I told him...

But he comes too early. He comes at four. People still, you know, they're still at work. But when that motherfucker comes, Mr. Softy, I would give him edibles. Give those ABX edibles.

and tell him,

put them in my milkshake. And he blended them in the milkshake.

That's hilarious.

So, you know, intelligence, yeah, like, I know, a lot of people are fucking smart, but they make mistakes.

Yeah, they make big decisions.

You go, what the fuck?

In your life, you know, relationship decisions, business decisions, yeah, friendship decisions. Intelligence is complicated. It's very complicated. But the point is, some people, their mental horsepower is very low. It's not a matter of what they apply themselves to. It's a matter of they don't have the resources. Their brain doesn't work good. And I've met a lot of people like that, and I know you have too. Where you're like, this guy ain't never gonna be a genius. There's no inspiration in him. There's nothing enthusiastic. He doesn't have a thing he's really into. He doesn't have a thing he likes. He's just dull. Dull-minded. For whatever reason. I don't know if it's genetics. I don't know if it's just a roll of the dice. Or maybe the way he was raised. I don't know. But some people just, they don't have a good brain. They just don't. So those guys, they get that fucking Nigerian prince email, like, this, is it. This is my ticket. outta here. They start fucking scraping up coins, putting quarters in rolls, bringing them to the bank.

I believe in faith. Like, if you're broke, and you go put $2 on a picket ticket, because there's a $175 billion, I believe in that. I believe in all that type of stuff, Joe.

But that's the biggest scam in the world.

What's that?

The lottery.

Well, I'm not talking, even when I was a kid, the numbers. There's three numbers. You put $5, you win 2,500 bucks, okay? And those small, you know, in the 70s and 60s, in the black communities, the Spanish communities,

Italian communities.

Italian communities. That's a way of hope.

Yeah.

Your Sicilian grandmother wakes up one morning and says, Oh, my God. I had a dream about peppers.

Yeah.

Okay? Peppers. And all of a sudden, your grandmother, hug. grandmother, yells, Peppers, that's 68..

Yeah. You know?

And all of a sudden, you're like, put a prefix on it. 568.. And, you know, this is your trip to Italy.

Mm-hmm.

This is your chance to buy your son a car. It's like that little fate that you have. Mm-hmm. But it's something that you have a chance at.

It's fun, too. It's fun.

You know?

The problem is, the problem, same thing as the problem with drinking, same thing as the problem with everything else, is that people lose their fucking minds. And that becomes everything. I told you about my grandmother, right? With the numbers? Yeah, yeah.

Was she a loan shark, too?

She went to jail. My grandmother went to jail for six months because she wouldn't route out the people that were running the numbers. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. We'd go to visit Grandma. Where's Grandma? Grandma's visiting Aunt Josie. She's been at Aunt Josie for six months. It was ridiculous. Yeah. She was knitting for the fucking guards in prison. She wouldn't rat. So they put her away for six months.

For bookmaking. Yeah. So those immigrants, those people with dreams, I see that. But somebody just fucking calling you and going, hey, if you lend me five hours or a ton of evangelists, whatever the fuck you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm even like, and I hate to say this in public, but I'm down on, like fucking charities and shit.

Well, that's...

Because they don't get the fucking money unless you donate to St. Jude or something like that. You know, some guy's driving a BMW and the people I sent the money to, you know, and it's happened to us. We saw it. We gave money and nothing happens, and you're like, what the fuck, guys? So now you just give it direct.

Have you ever seen those charts that show like what the money you give to charity, how much actually goes to the cause? How much of it is just overhead? It's ridiculous. In some places it's like 90%.

It's ridiculous.

So it's like 10% of the money goes to the charity. It's a very inefficient thing. And then you have things where the people that are running it are making enormous salaries and then they're, like, look at the Black Lives Matter thing, where the girls were buying $6 million houses. Like, what the fuck are you doing? The fuck are you doing? What are you doing? Like, oh, we use this for events.

I bumped into a nun once when I was going to Catholic school and she told me that when people are looking for you for help, like when they're on the side of the street and they're asking you for help, that can be Jesus in disguise. So I fucked my world up. So I started donating as a kid. The first person I donated to was the black kid, with the flies on him that they sent you the picture.

Yeah, Sally Struthers.

He wrote a letter.

Keneson had that bit about it.

And then I never got nothing. after that. I'm writing letters. Nobody's writing me back. The kid made it to the sixth grade. I was so fucking pissed as a kid. And then I would do the Heart Association walks. Like, that was my shit. And trust me, I scammed off the top. I'm not gonna lie to you, because I would go to my mother's bar and I'd make them give me, like, ten bucks a mile. Come on. Right. You know, I would show up with, like, $3,000 and think I was a good kid. Finally, like, after, like, the third year, I'm like, they're gonna get like this year. I'm making $3,000 fucking dollars here.

So look at the Red Cross.

Oh, shit.

Let's see what we got here. What percentage?

It's...

Okay. So, what percentage? This shows you all the money that comes in and how much of it actually goes to programs, and how much of it goes to administration, and how much of it goes to fundraising. So Red Cross looks pretty fucking good. Red Cross shows it's like 90% of the money goes to programs. Only 3.5% goes to administrative and 6% goes to fundraising. So this is what we donated to. Remember when we did those shows in San Diego right after the fire? And I'm like, we can't take money from these people. They just had this massive fire. Let's just donate all the money. So we donated the money to Red Cross because that seemed to be the best one. St. Jude's, 72%. And then it gets... When you start going down the line, it starts getting sketchy. These are... Most of these are... They're pretty good. Wounded Warriors is a little weird. 34% back in the fundraising. Yeah. But, you know, they still... At least 60% of it, or close to 60% of it, goes to the actual programs. What's the worst ones, though, Janet? The worst ones was a different chart. This is a different chart. I want to see the worst ones. Those are good ones. Red Cross has always been thought of as one of the best ones in terms of the amount of money that actually goes to the cause.

That's the reason I quit.

0.5%.

That's why I quit.

That's crazy.

I worked for the cops. That's when I found out. Three years I worked for the cops. Doing donations on the phone. after I got arrested. I started in Boulder. And when I went to Seattle, I did it there. And then, up in Seattle, I found out what the cops were getting. I'm done. I'm done. You give me 50 bucks, I'm giving you a sticker. For the back of your car. So when you get pulled over, they know that you donate. And these guys were showing up in Maseratis every day. The two owners. And I'm like,

It's like the thing in L.A. with the homeless. Fuck you. Coleon Noir sent me a hit to that. He told me they were getting like six-figure salaries. I'm like, no way. And some of them are making 240 grand a year. Taking care of the homeless. That is not being taken care of. They're not doing anything about it. They have to keep the business rolling too. That's the thing. Once you have 20,, 30, 50, whatever people, making six figures, all that money keeps coming in. You have all those mouths to feed, all those mortgages, all those people. Now you have an industry. Now you have bureaucracy. You're never getting that back. You'd have to have some crazy dude that comes in like, who's that guy from Argentina? The guy that just became the president of Argentina with the wacky hair? That guy is amazing. He's like, everybody out!

Everybody out!

He kicked out everybody. He cut that budget down to nothing.

Nothing.

Yeah. He got rid of all the bullshit. All the bullshit.

It's really crazy. when I worked for the cops. I loved it. It was great. I had a great time in that office. I'd be up there smoking dope.

But... With the cops?

Nah, there was like one cop there. He didn't give a fuck.

When you have money that's being donated,

like cash that's being donated,

it's gonna get moved around.

It's like, you gotta help these fucking people out.

You know?

And look at now.

Yeah?

Everything. Shooting, fishing in Central Park, boxing program. You know, you shot pool. Who do you think shot man up to shoot pool?

Really? Police athletics?

Yeah, right on there in 88 in Amsterdam.

It's a smart move.

So I was always indebted to those people. Always in my heart, because I was a Spanish kid. They took me in over there. They fingerprinted me. They take you to the precinct. You shoot a .22.. They give you the target. Oh, wow. A little thing. They give you, like a little badge, you know, and you're like, ah. And so I always wanted to work for them. Like, that was it. I always, you know. And then, after I got in trouble, I'm like, you know, I owe them a debt. They were very good to me. I was the guy that fucked up. So I always worked for the cops. I always tried to, you know, get fucking people to donate for stickers or, you know, bulletproof vests and all that shit. And then we would do comedy at the benefits in Seattle. Even though I got arrested six times. It never worked. They didn't fucking do anything for me.

Well, maybe you would have got arrested a lot worse.

A lot worse. Yeah. But it's crazy. When I found out, I was like, I'm out. I'm not doing this. And now, you know, you want to help out. Something happens. Hurricane relief. And you're like, I'm not. Right. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. Because it's, you know.

The Red Cross seems like a good one. But also, wasn't the Red Cross one of the people that was helping people map out the way to illegally enter the U.S.? Wasn't that one of the things that the Red Cross was doing?

They're going to do it.

Showing them the way that's safe to me seems like almost an ethical thing to do if you know that this is happening. And then providing them aid along the way so they don't die. That seems like, you know, the whole immigration thing is very complicated. You came from immigrants. I came from immigrants. My grandparents were immigrants. But it's just the way they're doing it, where anybody can get through, is so wild. So the Red Cross has provided maps to migrants traveling towards the U.S. border.

I can live with that.

That's not encouraging people to do it. That's saying they're doing it. Let's make it so. at least they have a safe way to do it.

Listen, man.

Something along those lines, yeah.

You know, and I don't know. There's a lot to say. Like,

So, I'm going to send you this, Jamie. See what's going on in Paris? They started, they were trying to kick these dudes out of the country. They started a riot at the airport.

Who were they trying to kick out?

Illegal immigrants.

Listen, all I remember is one thing, Joe. And I use this, and I'm not saying nothing bad about anybody. Look at this.

Give me the volume.

So they got them over there, too?

Yeah, they have a lot. A lot. A lot of migrants in Europe. Yeah, it's basically, it happened right after the pandemic en masse. It's just massive amounts of migrants in Europe, massive amounts of migrants here. It's almost like it's on purpose.

But it just seemed like there just wasn't migrants coming in. But what I was telling you before was, I think I told you last time, I saw what the Mario boatlift did to my area, Hudson County. Not in 1979, but I saw it five years later. And then I saw what they were doing in San Francisco. When I got to San Francisco in 95, there was a huge Cuban population.

San Francisco.

So this is the people that took off for Mario in 78, 79..

Is this when Fidel kicked him out?

Yes. He kicked out 160,000 people. We didn't have records on these people. So we didn't really know what they were about. They could just tell you, I worked in construction, you know, and they didn't know. So this is that, but 10 times.

Right.

That was 100,000 people, 120,000.. This is 8 million or something like that. Yeah. Right, that come through?

At least.

You're not going to feel this today. You're going to feel this five years from now.

Well, they could feel it real soon, depending upon who the people are and why they're here. You know, the most troubling version is sleeper cells. The most troubling version is that there's military cells that exist here. Terrorists.

The Chinese were coming in. Now they're growing wheat.

Are they? Chinese?

Jamie, go to the videotape. Chinese are buying farms. You just had somebody on here that was talking about the Chinese are buying farms.

Yes, they're definitely buying farms.

What do you think they're doing with those fucking farms? Grazing, fucking sushi? No. They're fucking growing reefer.

Department of Homeland Security memo, first reported by the Daily Caller, received as part of the Freedom of Information Act request, said that more than 270 unlicensed cannabis cultivation sites in Maine were operated by Chinese nationals.

Who the fuck do you think you're dealing with, Joe Biden?

Wow.

275 grow-ups in Maine.

And the weed is on fire up there in New Hampshire.

Is it?

They say that's the best weed right now in New Hampshire.

Really? New Hampshire?

Somewhere up there. New Hampshire, Maine. They say the weed is so fucking strong. Hmm.

Hmm.

See that? Look at that.

Yeah, they're growing fucking reefer.

So what is the legalization of weed in Maine? Is it legal there?

I'm not sure, brother.

It's legal in so many states now.

Maine, New Hampshire, I think.

How much cannabis can I possess? Adults 21 years of age or older can possess up to 2.5 ounces of a combination of cannabis, cannabis concentrate, and cannabis products, including no more than five grams of cannabis concentrate. How many plants can I grow? Mainers can grow cannabis for personal use. That's reasonable. Is that your phone?

No.

Something's ringing.

What do you mean?

With weed.

I just started going to weed stores in January. I said, you know what I got? I'm done with laughing gas. I got to expand my horizon and see what's out there. And the first one I went to was a Neptune. And they're pretty impressive. It's big fucking joint. I forget the name of it. It's pretty impressive. Second place I went is 15 minutes from my house, Joe, right by the doctor's office. Freehold. Holy shit. And that's when I discovered rhythm. Because I was like, listen, I'm here to see the devil. I don't want to know that. Jersey fucking swank.

Jesus.

And I'm like, this is me, dog.

I guess this is, what is this? Affidavit for Probable Cause. From where? From the Chinese thing and the Chinese immigrants in Maine. It says, we are in prison. Please come and save us. We are here. And it gives the address. No cell phones. We are abducted from China. Passports were confiscated. The boss is a woman. 5'2", about 45 years old. No means of transportation. The manager is Asian, black hair, 5'6". A lot of marijuana is grown on the first floor. A lot of finished products. No escape from the house. Only work, but no salary. I want to leave here. We tried to escape but failed. We were beaten. Please come and save us. Whoa.

Fuck.

So they got slaves working making the weed in Maine. Yeah. Shanghai'd. Yeah.

Yeah. That shit's strong. That's the shit that the Boeing mechanics are smoking.

Isn't that crazy?

It's fucking crazy.

There's slaves in America right now, growing weed for China.

Let's see where this is going to go. It's fucking interesting. That's crazy. I saw this a couple weeks ago. I read the article. I'm like, oh. And then that guy said it on your podcast.

Well, he said about farmland. Yeah. Farmland. I didn't know. it was happening like that.

The fuck you think they're doing? Growing fucking bean sprouts or soy sprouts? They're going for it, Jack.

Well, they're controlling farmland. It's around military bases.

That's what's scary. And a lot of Chinese were coming through the border with these guys.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, military age.

A lot of Chinese. So let's see where this hand is getting played.

Not only a lot of Chinese, but they have Chinese stops where you can go and everybody speaks Chinese along the way. And they have a Chinese restaurant. Everything's written in Chinese. Chinese signs everywhere. So they have like a very specific, organized route to get to America. And these guys are all young, fit guys coming to America. Like, what are you doing? Like, what the fuck is going on here? We're just basically sitting ducks.

We're waiting.

Yeah, we're sitting ducks. And there was a big warning today. Homeland Security's warning about terrorist attacks in America. That's what scares me about this fucking election too. I'm not saying that they would do this, but I definitely think they have in the past. Like, allowed things to happen just so they can tighten up on restrictions and laws and scare people more and get people to vote one way or another.

We're looking at weird times, my friend.

The weirdest, right?

The fucking weirdest.

And ever in your life, could you ever imagine things being so bizarre as they are right now?

They've been bizarre for about five years now. Where you just can't believe the shit you're hearing. You just say, you know what, I'm going to stick to my camp. I'm good here.

It was bizarre in 2017, but it wasn't bizarre like now.

No, this is something different.

This is insane.

Diddy getting arrested. I mean, just everything. Just everything. A bridge getting hit. It's something every fucking week.

Every day.

You know, Trump? $480 million. You know, they need it by Monday. It's just fucking... I thought Mark Cuban would bail him out. I didn't know who the fuck was going to bail him out.

Yeah, how does that work? I think they knocked it down to $175 billion. They asked him, how's he going to pay it? He goes, cash. Now he's worth six point something billion because of the free social deal. Right. It's all stock, I guess. Right. Right. The whole thing... I'm not a financial guy, obviously, but I think the whole thing is liquidity. How much money do you actually have coming in? How much is it tied up in real estate investments and holdings? Trump's got buildings and hotels and resorts.

I met him when he was fucking at a football team.

Really? Yeah.

He owned the fucking generals.

When was this?

Fucking 85..

You met Trump in 85?.

A long time ago.

What was he like in 85??

Hello, goodbye. I don't fucking know. It's not like we hung out. I was scared of him.

Why?

Because it was like... I told you, when I got out of jail, I was supposed to have a job selling siding and doors and saddles and electrical equipment, an indoor salesman in Jersey. And when I got out of prison, I go, I'm out. Can I come take the job? now? He goes, I can't. We're going out of business. I go, what happened? He goes, Trump built something. He was going to. these little hardware stores like ours, told us to go, fuck ourselves. We're done. I knew this in 88..

What do you mean?

At that time, supposedly, he would build something. It's like you coming to somebody, a little restaurant, and going, I want to build my own fucking steak. And he would go to people and say, I'm going to build this and then use your lumber, or whatever the fuck. And since there's so much with contractors, there's subcontractors and subcontractors, they would stiff their bills. They weren't paying their bills. Really? Yeah. This is one out of the lot. You can look it up. This isn't something... And that's all I remember from Trump. I met him in 85 and I fucking... That was my only thing with Trump. You know, if you're from New York, you know who he is. You've been hearing the name. Yeah.

I remember hearing about this from you. Actually, no. You were telling me that there was with contractors.

Yeah.

Stiff, small contractors.

Small contractors. And then we'll go downhill. You know, run downhill. So now I gave you all the doors I had for your project. Trump just wasn't building one house with one window. I'm giving you everything on the arm. Yeah, you gave me a deposit. Maybe sometimes not. Maybe I'm so excited to do business with Trump. I got such a small place that I forget everything. You know, whatever the fuck happens.

Yeah.

So that's what happened in 88.. I mean, I don't know the whole story, but he mentioned Trump. That's all I remember from that fucking guy.

I would also imagine if you're doing some big projects like that, it's probably a lot of people involved. A lot of people. Making decisions. A building? Yeah.

A building? He's the GC. He takes bids for everything else, right? That's how it usually works.

Is that what Trump does as a real estate developer?

I don't know how it goes down, but there's a GC, a general contractor, and then there's windows, wiring, you know, all the different departments.

Uh-huh.

You don't know what everybody's doing. Right. You got 20 people in your fucking building. Right. You know, when you built the comedy club, how many people were fucking there every day?

Yeah, a lot.

You don't know. Right. You don't know. You're not a contractor, so you don't know if they're doing the wall right. You know, you just trust whatever. So this is all I remember. That was it. Hmm.

Yeah. Well, the whole construction business was always shady, and it was always tied up with the mob. Like, I knew a couple guys who had no-show-up jobs. Yeah. Like at the Javits Center. Yeah. You just get paid.

Concrete.

Yeah.

They own concrete.

That was the thing. The mob would make deals. Whenever any sort of job was getting done, they'd have a certain amount of no-show jobs for their guys.

Always. That's part of it. You get insurance. Mm-hmm. And that's when you arrest those guys, and you go, what do you do for a living? I'm in the carpenter's union.

Yeah.

Carpenter's union. You don't even know what an inch is. You don't even know how to measure six inches, you fuck.

Yeah. Yeah, it was a scam. But it was how they avoided taxes, too, right? Because taxes was what brought a lot of them down. That's what brought Al Capone down. Tax evasion.

Tax evasion. Yeah. But the other guys were pretty smart. They had the millionaire club, the bid club. They would only do $2 million bids or something. They would take $2 million right off the top, the mob, on every job. Are you fucking kidding me? Mm-hmm. Just, are you kidding me? Every job in New York? It's well known that when the little guy from Arizona, who was over there with Gotti, he controlled construction. Like, that was his fucking thing. Yeah. You couldn't get anything built without that fucking dude.

Can you imagine if you live in New York City at that time, and you're trying to build buildings, and you've got to do deals with the mob, and you've got to do deals with Sammy the Bull?

Well, here's the deal. Like, I remember, in 1890, I was roofing, and the company was from Jersey, my brother-in-law. And I asked him, you know, why did you pick up this job? And he was telling me, it's just so difficult. And I go, what do you mean? He goes, take the dumpster. That dumpster that they pick up every day and take off, and they bring another one? Mm-hmm. In Colorado. at the time, it was $200.. That same dumpster in New York was $2,000 a day. That's how inflated. the prices were. $1,800 different. It's fucking crazy. That's what the cost of doing fucking construction, you know, in New York. Wow.

Well, it was always a corrupt town. Like, that's why it took the UFC forever to get into New York.

Look at these people waiting for licenses. Yeah. I know people in Jersey waiting for a license. since I landed. I got a license. Mm-hmm. You've got to grease 80 fucking people. 80 people. You've got to know people, pay. I know companies that are still waiting for a license from L.A. They just thought they were going to come and apply in New Jersey. Or in New York City. Look at New York City. They had a thing. They were giving licenses only to people who had felonies. Did you remember that? In New York, they wanted the ideal medical marijuana owners, an ex-convict who went to prison or got in trouble for marijuana. This is a second chance. Check it out. It's fucking insane. Can't get a license in New Jersey.

That is kind of crazy, but they should do something for those poor fucks that went to jail for weed. Nobody should ever went to jail for weed. It's ridiculous.

No.

It's a ridiculous thing to put people in jail for. You. put people in a cage for that, especially while everything else is okay. It doesn't make any sense.

Look what you're finding out now. Look at this guy. today. I got in the Uber fresh out of smoking a fucking joint of this shit this morning. Thank God the guy was Cuban. They send you the Uber name? Yeah. The guy's name was Antonio. I go, he's Cuban. Got in the car. I was in the car two minutes. He goes,

Really?

Well, they're complaining about cigars. These cigars aren't tasting the same. They said the fucking soil has just been abused. There's no nourishment. Right. This guy was telling me today it costs more for a pack of chicken in Cuba than what it does in the United States.

Well, it makes sense. I mean, it makes sense. You have to have infrastructure. You have to have capitalism. You have to have people competing. That whole communism thing doesn't work. And the thing is, like, the thing that the people that love communism point to, they're like, yeah, but we put an embargo on Cuba. Like, what if we didn't do that? Like, what? Yeah. It's still a dictatorship. It still is. You get told what you're doing with your life. You don't want that. Nobody wants that. You might think that that is better because there's no rich people. If that's what you're thinking, you're missing everything. Because that means everybody's poor. You don't want everybody to be poor. You want everybody to have a chance to be well off. That's what you have here. Now, some people, they get a bad roll of the dice. They get a bad hand of cards. They get a bad situation in life. They get a bad place that they live. And they're fucked. This is true. And it's not fair. It's not fair in terms of equal opportunity. It's not. But in terms of opportunity, there's no place better than right here. And there's no place better. with actual capitalism. You can do great things. You can do great things, not just for you, but for other people. You can do great things. If people give you the freedom to do great things. But if you live in a socialist country, you don't have any of that. You don't get to decide what you do. The state gets to decide. And how do they enforce that? There's only one way. Force. Military. There's only one way to get people to follow the rules of communism and socialism. And it's always a dictatorship. It's always one group has all the money and all the power. And they tell you what the fuck you're going to do. And if you don't do it, they kill you or they lock you up in jail. And they threaten people and they scare people and they make people disappear. so everybody stays in line. And that is what people always do whenever you get a communist country. If you ask any of these wacky kids in colleges, give me an example of socialism that works. They'll give you like socialist programs, or countries like some Norwegian countries that have a lot of socialist programs. that are really good countries. They have really good healthcare, really good education. You pay a lot in taxes, but it goes a long way. And they have a better society because of it. That's great. But they still have the freedom to do whatever the fuck they want to do. They still have the freedom to do whatever kind of occupations they want. You have the ability to make a shitload of money. You have the ability to excel. The problem is, people want a quality of outcome when they don't have anything. But you're never going to have that because, first of all, it's impossible. But second of all, because you're never going to have a quality of effort. And one of the things that a competitive environment or a place like America where you have freedom is, some people put more into life. They put more into the things they do. And they get more back. They get more out of it. And they're inspiring to other people to do the same. And you see them live a rich and fulfilled life and you're inspired to do the same. That's not happening in Cuba, bro.

That is not happening. No.

That is not happening in any of these communist countries. Go to North Korea. Ask me how it worked out when they made a deal to take over all the farms so that no one would ever go hungry. Let the state control everything. What a great idea. Everybody give up your farm to the state. Now you're fucked. Now you're fucked.

That's the beauty, you know. As somebody who knew the other side, not from living it, but just from hearing the stories, it makes you appreciate this so much more.

Yeah.

That, listen, you could fall into place in this country or you don't need a ceiling over your income. This is the greatest thing about this country. It's like when I first got out there, I always worked on commission, Joe. I don't want your hourly wage. Shove that up your fucking ass. I'm going to come here and prove myself. You want me to sell cars? I'll sell cars. Want me to sell doors or signs? I'll sell them, but I'm doing it on commission. I want the most that I could get for that fucking thing.

Right.

Most people don't. I did that at 19..

I knew.

For me, it was going to be commission work.

Yeah, and it's a dangerous choice.

It's a dangerous choice, but it's based on you. Right. With the effort you put into it. Exactly. If you want to sell. When I worked at Foot Locker, I was the number one fucking sneaker dude at Foot Locker. And it took me a while, but I fucking went.

Right.

And then, when I started selling cars, again, I went for it because I loved it. I learned about salesmanship. I learned about human nature. Yeah. I learned that you have to mail letters to people. Those are the guys. I know they're not going to buy a car, but if you send a hundred letters, three people have to buy a fucking car. Hmm. So you're working on all numbers. Right. The United States is a beautiful fucking place, because a guy like me could write a book.

Yeah.

You know, a guy like me, could, you know, went to prison. You know, I didn't get Social Security when my mother died because she worked under a fucking alias. You know, everything got beat up on me. But let me tell you what's about to happen. I'm going to retire when I'm 65, collect Social Security, and my daughter gets Social Security now for three years, which is like $1,800 a month to college or whatever the fuck, you know. Right. I don't give a fuck. So it all came out in the wash 40 years fucking later. And I didn't have the Social Security for me because my mom used the alias. But my point is, dog, you can do whatever you fucking want. You saw it, Joe. Yeah. We were talking about it today. Kids were coming down here with cars, living in their cars. And look what they're doing now because they believe in themselves. You gave them a fucking door and they fucking took it. Most people are still now like, well, my agent said nothing's going to happen at all. Okay. You know, it's the same thing. Some people take chances. Some people sit there waiting for the blue bird of happiness. Yeah. That's the other option you have in this country. You can actually sit and wait for the blue birds of happiness. When I came out of prison, all I had to do was sign a piece of paper, and I'm disabled for life. I got a $1,300 check every month. And some people would take that and go, look at me. I'm living like a doctor. Think about that. Some people would go $1,300 a month. Fuck, that's me. Food stamps, that's me. I can still take my bills. I can still, you know, it's fucking insane. It's insane. It's the choices that you make, Joe.

And it can imprison you. That kind of money, even a small amount of money, can imprison you. That's what scares me about universal basic income. You know, people say if they gave everybody X amount of money, people could just pursue their dreams and they wouldn't have to worry about food.

No.

They probably won't. No. No.

You can't give anything to anybody. We're humans. Yeah. We take it for granted. Yeah. We get 10 checks in the mail for $1,000 a month. They cut us off. We don't know what the fuck happened.

Right.

I'd rather not get anything. Where are all these people? After COVID, everybody fucking got checks in the mail. Now you can't get people to work no more.

Right.

Can't get people to work. You go to a place that's a great restaurant or something, and the first three people you face don't even know where the fuck they're at. Right. But they had to hire them. You know, you gave people money. Now they're not going to come back. They're going to build ways not to come back. People are living it up during COVID, Doug. Living it up. Unemployment. This, that. We still had to go out there and crack fucking stupid jokes outside, getting attacked by fucking spiders and shit, thinking there's a leopard in the fucking thing. Seriously. Yeah. The first time I went outside with Rich Ross, I didn't know what the fuck that was. A bat almost hit me on stage. And I told him, and he goes, oh, you missed. the other night. There was a fucking bear. And we were like, what the fuck are you talking about? I don't know what he was talking about. Some bear or boar.

Well, there's a lot of them out there in New Jersey, right?