Armchair Anonymous: Underdogs
2024-01-26 00:55:51
Hi, I’m Dax Shepard, and I love talking to people. I am endlessly fascinated by the messiness of being human, and I find people who are vulnerable and honest about their struggles and shortcomings to be incredibly sexy. I invite you to join me as I explore other people’s stories. We will celebrate, above all, the challenges and setbacks that ultimately lead to growth and betterment. What qualifies me for such an endeavor? More than a decade of sobriety, a degree in Anthropology and four years of improv training. I will attempt to discover human “truths” without any laboratory work, clinical trials or data collection. I will be, in the great tradition of 16th-century scientists, an Armchair Expert.
Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. Nope. Armchair Anonymous. That's the name of this show, Armchair Anonymous. It's not Armchair Expert.
No, it's not. No. Don't get it twisted. No.
I haven't been on such a good role, it's been a long time since I butchered that.
It has. Yeah. Good job.
Today is a story about underdogs. Some people call me underdog, but I prefer her-me and her-me because that's my God-given name. Bestowed upon me by my great-great-granddad and his great-grandfather before him. Did you know that, Mrs. Monica, that I'm the twelfth, her-me and her-me-um?
I didn't know that, but I'm not surprised. Good news. There's a new friend.
My friend Boris Butchman's here. Hi, Boris.
Yes.
Sometimes Boris Butchman comes over to sit with her-me and her-me-um. It's me, Prairie Sooner. Oh, yes. Also goes by Prairie Sooner. I forgot.
Either Boris Butchman or Prairie Sooner.
How long have you two known each other?
Since I was born. We were born in the same hospital.
At the same time?
At nearly the same time. I do believe that Prairie Sooner came just about 20 minutes before her-me and her-me-um. Oh. And we both know how to drive cars. That's right.
He has his own vehicle, and I do, too. Oh.
Has Prairie met the robot? Because it seems like you guys are all hanging out.
That's a great question. I'm not going to steal that from you. Prairie, have you met the robot? The robot is always in my dreams, but I never met him. Oh.
I'll have to have you guys both over. Sometimes I do make a casserole. It's just too much for me. And, as you know, the robot doesn't eat, even though he is a real boy.
Oh.
I like casserole with biscuits. Yeah.
Wow, that was so great. Both Prairie and her-me-um are underdogs, so this is great.
Yeah, and her-me-um is really an offshoot of Prairie. Erin and I were on a road trip to Texas in 12th grade over Christmas.
I thought, maybe you just made him up.
Oh, no. Prairie Sooner's been around for 30 years. Oh. Yeah, because we were on this road trip, and we were following someone pulling a camper trailer, and it was called the Prairie Shooner.
Oh.
And we just started saying, Prairie Shooner. Prairie Shooner. And then Prairie Shooner became a person that evolved into a client we had at GM. that kind of spoke like Prairie Shooner. I'll give you the safe name, Boris Butchman.
And so it evolved into Boris Butchman. I see. And Boris is originally from Colorado, New Mexico, Arizona, USA.
Oh, same as her-me-um.
And he works for Pontiac, Oldsmobile, Chevrolet USA. He also works for a confusing car company.
Oh, wow. Okay.
And we used to imagine he would call my mom in the hotel room on car show days and go, Laura, it's Boris. I can't get out of the tub. Do you think you can handle this one without me? Laura, I'm sad today. Too sad to go in.
Okay, underdogs. That's what we're here to talk about. Armchair Anonymous. Oh, my God. We have our best story we've ever heard on this episode.
It's really incredible. Absolutely outrageous story. Yeah. And zero warnings on this one.
No, zero warnings. You got to listen.
It's as clean as you would expect from an underdog. prompt. Yeah. So please enjoy Underdogs.
Hard times come and go.
Good times, take them slow.
My life, I had them both. Remember one thing, you got to know, I'm going to keep on shining.
Yay, underdog. Tell us your biggest underwear story. The biggest pair you've ever seen. Banky banky. Can you remember the biggest pair of underwear you've ever seen?
Oh, God.
Grandmothers or grandfathers.
I feel like I have an image of a huge pair, but who would it be?
And they're women's.
No, mine are whitey, tighty. Oh.
Hello. I hear you guys. Yay. Oh, sorry. What's that?
I've been sitting here. I was like, make sure I know what I'm doing.
No, you know, and the best part is, it gave me enough time, because my initial thought when I saw all those tanks was acetylene tanks, and I thought you guys were welders, but now I see this kind of old-fashioned diving helmet, so now I think we're in a scuba environment.
Correct. Scuba environment.
Hold on. I'm just yelling at my wife for opening the garage door.
Perfect.
And I love all the colors. Do the colors designate different types or something?
No. These are old tanks that don't work anymore. My husband does a scuba radio podcast, so this is his studio room, and so I made sure he set up everything.
A scuba radio podcast. What is...
Scuba podcast.
Oh, okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Are you a scuba diver? I am, yes. You are?
And where are you guys at? Do you have local access?
Central Florida. I have to be a little vague of where I am.
Okay, great. Did you guys meet scuba diving?
We did, yeah. He owned a dive shop, and I was up in Canada, and it's not the meet cute stories, but he was a diver and owned a dive shop, and he was looking for a manager at the time, and I was in Canada, where I'm initially from. So now he sold the shop. He doesn't have any more. He does the scuba diving podcast.
What's the name of it in case people in the audience are interested in scuba diving podcast?
The scuba diving podcast with Sweetwater Scuba.
Very literal.
Wow, he got in on the ground floor. That's a hard name to get.
Yes, for sure.
Yeah, very impressed.
Katie, you have an underdog story. Hard for me to believe. just looking at you. I feel like probably a champion from the jump.
Thank you. I appreciate that. Well, much like you, Dax, I'm very dyslexic.
Oh, okay. Congratulations.
I was like, I'm going to write this story, and when they picked it, I was very surprised. I was like, that must have been the most incoherent essay I've ever written, and I haven't been in school in a long time, so I was like, all right, you know what? They're taking it and running with it. I was diagnosed very late in life. I always knew I had some learning disability, but it wasn't until my last year of high school in 2009..
I got tested, and I was like, oh, this is making more sense. High school was hard. My last few years, I had teachers who were like, you should be in special ed. Why are you here? Yeah.
Very nice people. You know, all that. Being in Canada, I did French and English, so English is hard. Add French to that.
Oh, my God. No. What a terrible place to be born. as a dyslexic, where you have to be dual language. I barely could get through the first one.
Right. I had French teachers who were like, this, isn't hard.
I was like, oh, my God. That's not helpful.
So, leaving high school, I had to go to university, looking at a lot of things. I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I love animals, but you have to do a lot of math, science. I don't have ear dyslexia. Your math is very impressive, Dax.
Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much for noticing.
I was like, that's not the same.
It's like, he doesn't have dyslexia at all.
So, I couldn't get into these schools. At the time, I thought veterinarians were the only option to work with animals. So, I did what any dyslexic does and went to art school. Okay, sure. Because that's what I can do.
So, I did that for two and a half years. After those two years, I did what any early 20-year-old does and does traveling. And that's where I fell in love with scuba diving. When I went back home, I got my dive master and then went to Florida. And I was like, you know what?
I want to do something different. So, I went there, got my instructor, and started teaching scuba diving.
Oh, wow. Okay.
I loved doing that, but I was looking for something a little different. And I fell upon a large aquarium in Florida that I started working at. As a safety for the guests that come into the aquarium and they can scuba dive there.
Oh, wow. So, people can dive with big fish and stuff in this tank?
Oh, my God.
It must be enormous.
Yeah, it's the second largest.
Holy smokes.
I could see where people would underestimate it and think it's deceptively safe. Most motorcyclists have career-ending injuries. on little, tiny motorcycles they're riding in the backyard. They're like, yeah, I'm not going to get hurt on this.
Oh, absolutely. And as long as you're scuba certified, you can dive in the aquarium, which is also really unsafe because someone could have been certified 15 plus years ago. They have not dived since.
Oh, God.
Is there any chance that you heard any of the episodes where I've explained when I went scuba diving? Because I think it must anger scuba people so much.
No, I love that. I actually was excited that you actually dive. Oh, okay.
Okay. But I had zero training. I was in Bora Bora and one of the actors had their dive master with him. And he's like, you'll be fine. Let's go.
Zero training. just went straight to scuba dove for like two hours.
That's scary.
I loved it. But I always think like, oh, people that this is their world must hate that.
And people, yeah.
And you. And me.
Well, people who are scared, people who are Virgos, people who know, people who had bad accidents.
Uh-oh. Do you know someone who went down with scuba?
I know someone who's died. Okay. So I'm just saying you got to be careful.
It's a serious sport. It is. It's a serious sport.
And that's why I really liked being an instructor. I still teach when I can. It's really interesting to see people get really nervous. And then, once they get in the water, they're like, oh, or if they're like, they're sharks. No, I'm not leaving you.
And then they see it and like, okay, bye. And you have to bring them back a little bit.
That is cool.
And then, fast forward, two years into that, COVID hit. So there's no more guests. And that's a big part of the job. They said, you know, two weeks will be okay. We still went into work.
Obviously, animals need to be taken care of. But then, when they started realizing, okay, it's going to be a little bit more than two weeks. And it kept going. I started to make myself available to anybody. I was like, hello, I'm here.
What do you need? I got you. So a few of the teams that lost their interns, they're like, absolutely. We need help. So the manatees, really easy animals.
Throw lettuce at them. They eat the lettuce. You count it. Not rocket science. I think of your wife Daxlot with her sloth obsession.
That's my manatee. I was like, you know what? Put me there all day. Leave me there. I love them.
Oh, they're so sweet. Her ex-stepdad lives in one of those little islands on the west side of Florida, just above West Palm Beach. And if you go out there with a fresh garden hose and you just run the water, they'll come up and they just start gulping the water out of the hose.
I'm going to cut you off. That's very illegal. Okay.
Wow.
Luckily for me, I'm not doing it actively right now. It's in my past. Of the illegal things I've done in my life, that doesn't even chart. But boy, are they fucking cute. They're like little.
Well, not little. They're enormous dogs.
Yeah. They're like little potatoes. They're fantastic. Yeah. So, yeah.
So they're like, okay, just stand there. Feed them all day. That's your job. Throughout COVID, the more the area was shut down, they're like, we still need your help. Can you help with this and this and this?
And it built so much that by the time the parks were opening up again, they said, hey, do you want to stay and be on this team? So I became a marine mammal specialist. Oh my God.
Look at this. You wanted to go into veterinarian care. Look at this circuitous route.
I love that.
So wait, now you work with the team that handles the animals?
I do. Yeah. So my day is half working with dolphins and my other half working with manatees. Oh my goodness.
You got around that stupid dyslexia. Stupid. Yeah.
I hate to say it, but you know what we're going to ask?
Oh Lord, we are.
These dolphins ever try to get frisky with you? They're very famous for trying to do so.
Not with us, but with each other. Sure. All the time.
Okay.
That's encouraged.
They're sexual creatures.
It's their body, their choice.
It's all internal, but when it's not internal, it comes out. They like to expose themselves in front of guests. And I'm like, thank you for that.
Thank you. They're exhibitionists.
The dolphin penis is alarmingly large the first time you see it.
Insane.
Yeah. It's a couple of feet. I mean, maybe not. Yeah. Wow.
And it doesn't match the rest of the dolphin, so you really see it.
What color? It's a different color.
Yeah. It's usually tucked away.
When they let that freak flag fly, boy, it turns some heads.
Perverted.
I would love to go back to high school and tell those teachers, like, yeah, I did something. Yes.
Yeah. Guess what? I get to do, what a marine biologist does. Maybe even better.
And then, with guests coming all the time, I feel horrible because I have these bright eyed little teenagers like, oh, what did you just go to school for? I'm like, I'm an art student. Yeah.
For drawing. Do you have any crazy relationship with any of the dolphins that you feel is like weirdly connected, spiritual, or like one in particular, or anything? Sure.
I mean, it's funny to see how they react to all of us trainers as far as I was one of the newer ones in and I'm the substitute teacher, so they can get away with doing things.
Oh, wow.
Versus the older trainers, it's like, okay, nope, this is what they want. This is their criteria. Oh, wow.
I've been at this for too long. And then the younger ones are wanting to please you, so they're very excited. They're vocalizing. They yell at me and they know I will hand fish. I'm like, oh my God, you're so cute.
I'm a huge sucker.
Oh, they're so manipulative. Sure.
Oh, yeah. It's insane.
You're going to act all cute and it's going to work.
One time I got that as my Patronus.
I don't know what a Patronus is and I don't know what it is.
On Harry Potter. I got dolphin. Okay. So, if you go to Pottermore website, in the books, you have a protective animal. I know this.
Yes. That sort of gives you-.
Terrence's is a wolf?
No, a stag, just like a stag. Oh, a stag.
Right, right. Sorry.
And you can go on Pottermore and take the test. And you get a dolphin? I've done it a lot of times because I want to keep seeing, but one of them is a dolphin.
Well, it's because you're a perv. I would have felt flattered by that. Yeah. If I didn't get a dolphin, I would sue the website.
I feel like, Monica, you need to make him do that test.
Didn't you guys do that?
Well, we did the regular- And it bit me because I started talking poorly about Hufflepuff. People got upset.
I'm a Hufflepuff.
Oh, see, yeah. And you're great. I love Hufflepuffs. I forget what I said, but it really-.
Sorry to interrupt.
No, don't worry about it.
It literally just opened again, period. You're sure. no one has the remote?
Am I sitting on it or something? This is insane.
Could it be in the couch cushions? You're going to watch us do some housekeeping right now. Oh, it just did it again. What in the flying fuckballs?
It might be in here.
And now a third time.
This is honestly amazing.
I feel like it might be in here, but I don't-.
Oh, oh, oh, oh! No way!
Oh, my God!
Opening the garage.
I didn't do that. Oh, my God, exclamation point. Monica just found it buried in her Lazy Boy and was triggering it every time she moved.
Oh, boy. Well, that solves that.
Well, you saw a mystery resolved.
I love every minute of that. Wow! That was actually really impressive that it activated that.
I know.
No, we were interviewing someone yesterday, and it opened and closed like seven times. And I'm literally like, I'm going to go in and kill every member of my family. How could they not know that you can't open and close the garage the whole time we're recording?
Oh, my God, I'm glad you witnessed that. Well, I love your underdog story.
Me too. Thanks for sharing it.
Absolutely. I love that you guys do this. It's so fun. And it was an incoherent message, so whoever had to read that, I appreciate that they picked it.
Emma, our all-star.
I'm way better at speaking. That was a part of my dyslexia test. They're like, your social is way high. That shouldn't be there.
Yeah, do you find that you have a suspiciously good memory for oral stories? Yes. I think it's because the only thing you're going to learn is what you memorized that the teacher said. If you don't get it there, you're not going to get it.
Yeah, and I listen to so many podcasts now. And I just come home and I'm like, let me tell you about this, that.
Right, and you can just reiterate the whole thing.
Yeah. Ask me to read something? No, gone. It's been funny being in this field. now.
I'm in these rooms with these people who've gone to school for all this stuff. And I'm just like, I'm having imposter syndrome. I don't know what you're talking about anymore. I'm very lucky to have management and people around me to put me into the right places.
You did it. You got yourself there. It's really impressive.
Yeah, we rule. Don't let anyone tell you differently.
I totally agree. It's more fun.
Us and left handers. I mean, they're also pretty special.
I'm left handler too. Oh my God.
Oh my God, Katie, we're meant to be together.
I love it. If you guys are ever.
Believe me, now I'll have to stop by.
I can do a little backstage. I can show you how big the aquarium is. I can show you where we do our rehab manatees. That's really cool to be a part of as well. We get to put some manatees back out into the wild.
Well, when you're not looking, I'm going to feed them fresh water out of a garden hose.
Perfect, excellent.
And scuba dive without any instructions.
Just jump in.
It's fine, I allow it. Well, Katie, great meeting you and thank you for telling us that story.
Yeah, absolutely. It was so nice meeting you.
All right, take care.
Well, it's always good to get more info on dolphins.
So much happened in that interview. I mean, that whole garage thing was really something.
Yeah, I'm glad we figured it out.
And I guess the previous episode will be an Easter egg. Hopefully, if you listen to all the shows in the week. What a resolution.
It won't have come out yet.
It won't? Uh-uh. Well, when you're listening to an upcoming February episode and you hear the garage door opening and closing nonstop and then hearing my voice tension with my anger towards my family, you'll know that it was our doing the whole time. Okay, let's talk to Alexandra.
How did it even get there?
It probably slid out of my.
It farted in it.
No, it was probably in my shorty short pants. I bet it was when I came up to talk to you and Liz while I was working out and sat in that chair, and it probably slid out of my pocket like two months ago. That long ago? Y'all. Oh, my God.
Hello.
Hi. Did you like that? you caught us candid mid-conversation?
That was like the dream I was having about how this would be. I was like, I bet they'll be chatting and I'll get to see them being friends, which is like my favorite part of the whole podcast.
What if, when you signed down, we were putting our shirts back on? That would be nerve-wracking, wouldn't it?
I would be like, I'm really glad they found a way to love each other.
and I'm sure they all worked it out.
What are these cute.
. Are they mugs?
Those are shoes poking out of a shoe holder.
These are shoes.
I'm in my closet. This is the first time I've ever read all the directions on a thing in my whole life.
Oh, congrats.
Oh, man. I appreciate it.
No, congrats to you guys. Dax, happy belated birthday.
Thank you.
I'm very happy you were born. And Monica, I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm sure the earth feels pretty weird right now, so I'm just thinking of you.
That's so kind. Thank you. Of course. Can we pause for two seconds? Can you look at it and see it as mugs?
I can see how you see it. Do you?
Okay, I appreciate that.
I would need three or four grams of mushrooms, I think, to see mugs there.
Okay, all right. It's like a magic eye.
Okay, we must hear your underdog story. I'm ready to dive in.
So this one takes place in southeastern Connecticut, which is near Monday's interview, Paul Giamatti.
Where he's from.
Yes, I got to see him in Hamlet, actually, when I was in high school. And I didn't realize what an amazing opportunity that was. And now I'm like, what the fuck? You saw Paul Giamatti as Hamlet?
Yeah. Incredible.
I'll have to do some back work now to convince you that I was an underdog.
I'm going to give you guys a little bit of context, because I feel like it's really generous to call myself an underdog. Because ultimately, in the wider context of the world, I've had an amazing life. I have wonderful parents, great opportunities. But in this specific context, I felt like maybe I was a little bit of an underdog. So my parents had me when they were 17..
And they stayed together, which was pretty amazing. And they went on to have three more, much younger children than me, who all have progressively improved with each model. They crushed it. They worked really hard to give us an awesome life. And I've always really struggled with my mental health.
I'm pretty sure I came out of the womb just like,
there's something fucking going on with this place. Just so anxious.
I got diagnosed with ADHD. Or not ADHD. That was recent. I got diagnosed with OCD in third grade. I had a lot going on.
And then I switched elementary schools. Then I went to a charter school for middle school, which I also loved middle school. Then I went back to the local public school, which was a different experience. I hadn't seen a lot of these people since I've switched schools. Some boys in one of my classes bullied me.
So I ended up deciding that maybe I should switch schools, because I just am really struggling in this context. And I got to go to a local private school, literally because the guidance counselor liked my personality.
I buy that.
Yeah, me too.
Oh, wow. Thank you. That's so thoughtful of you to say.
When you were diagnosed in third grade with OCD, is it because you had a tremendous amount of tics, like I did?
I had a lot of really weird routines and habits and fears. So my hands would be bloody because I'd wash them so much. Oh. Monica, on Sync, you talked about it, making up these superstitions that you had.
Yes.
Always, like. for my whole life, I had a great fear of my dad getting in a car accident, even though no one I'd ever known had gotten in a car accident. It was tough.
It's all consuming.
Yes.
That's like. all I did is monitor whether I was doing things even or odd numbers of times. I couldn't think about anything else.
I still count. I'm an odd number, kind of girl. Oh, freaky. It's weird for most things. Anyway, they did whatever they could to scrape together scholarships so that I could go, but it was still a really big financial stretch for my parents.
So I started the school my sophomore year, and there was 50 kids in my graduating class. Many of them had been in school together since kindergarten. And I think what came to be pretty obvious very quickly was that my life experience was very different than theirs. Like I wasn't going on class trips. The opportunity for me was going to the school, whereas their opportunities were like the whole wide world.
The teachers were amazing. It was a very good school and had an awesome theater program, which is kind of my wheelhouse. So I only found a group through doing theater, which is pretty common, I think. And then, the spring of my junior year, they announced that the musical was going to be Chicago. I'd been hoping for Les Miserables because playing Eponine was like my life dream.
I wasn't going to go to college for theater or anything. So I was like, okay, this is my chance. I decided that I was going to audition for Roxy.
For the lay person, i.
e. me, is that the lead?
That's one of the two leads. So there's two female leads. There's Velma and then there's Roxy.
Is Roxy loose? Because that's a fun name, Roxy.
She is loose. She's kind of like naughty. And she's not a very good person. So I thought it would kind of be fun.
Yeah, she's a very fun character to play.
And I love her songs. And she had fewer songs. So I was like, perfect. This will be the less competitive role. So, cut to the summer.
I got this great boyfriend who kind of like walked the line of the theater kids and the really popular rich kids. Wow. He was like tall and handsome. You can imagine how it went, though. It was a high school relationship.
So it wasn't great, but he was really in the theater. So we spent all summer learning all the songs. He was auditioning for the lawyer, Billy Flynn. And he and Roxy has a song where she sits on his lap and is like a puppet.
Oh, he must have loved that.
Yeah, we choreographed it over the summer. Auditions have not happened.
Right, you guys are just working all summer on this.
We're prepared. I do the audition. I put literally my all into it. I got into costume. And I'm sure you guys are picking up on what is going to happen.
I didn't get cast as Roxy, which is fine. This happens.
But it's sad.
Compounding. it is now her boyfriend's going to have another gal on his lap.
Yeah, because he got it, obviously, because he's handsome and one of the three boys that auditioned.
Right, the only three boys that weren't afraid.
At the time, it was so devastating. And it kind of catapulted me into my first of many depressive episodes, which was a fun, whole new experience for senior year. And the girl who did get cast, the worst part was that she is a wonderful person.
That's the worst one. You can't hate them.
She's so beautiful. And she's Scandinavian, which is cool. And all the guys liked her because she was so innocent. They wanted to corrupt her.
Oh, sexy baby syndrome.
And the theater director, we're going to call her Miss B, she had favorites.
Are you using B because you want us to think bitch? Be honest. Miss C.
Oh, OK. What?
I don't know what you thought of. I thought of Miss Christmas.
Uh-huh, sure.
I thought of the other C word because I studied abroad, in New Zealand. And that's their favorite word.
Oh, yeah, yeah. It means nothing elsewhere. It's not even a bad word there. I love when I travel and I get to throw it around.
Me too. I tried to get into improv one time when I got back to the States. Oh, whoa. And it didn't go super well. So she had favorites.
I wasn't one of them. I think she didn't really like my personality in general. Like, I have a pretty big personality.
Is it fair to say you're going to love it or hate it? No one's going to be neutral on it. Exactly.
It comes out that a local community theater is doing Les Miserables. And I'm like, you know what? Let's. audition. Like, this is one more chance.
So I decide, a little bit out of spite, to run my audition by Miss B before I go do it, to try and get some feedback to make it seem like I was evolved. But I really also just wanted her to see, like, hey, I'm really actually OK. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My dream role was Eponine, who was one of the more, like, romantic leads. She falls in love, and she doesn't get it, and she dies. So it's, like, a fun thing.
It looks like you were horny in high school. Is that fair to say?
I love boys, and I still do.
Yeah. I feel like we're really similar.
I do the audition for her. She, like, is like, yeah, good. It was great. And then I do the audition for the community theater. I don't get cast.
And then, a few weeks later, I am in Miss B's acting class during the day. And me and two other girls are running a scene in the hallway. And Miss B has given us these clipboards. And I got a clipboard that happens to open. And I am just, like, messing with it.
And I open it. Inside the clipboard are notes from the Chicago auditions. Oh. So I, like, close it really fast. And I'm like, guys, we can't look at these, right?
And they're like, yeah, no, we can't. Oh, fuck. So we all kind of collectively decide that we are going to look at them. Because me and one of the other girls did not get the roles we auditioned for. We got much smaller roles in Chicago.
We were the jail girls. So I was going to, like, get hung as the Hungarian girl.
So fun.
We do this. And then we all take a vow of silence. We read the audition notes. We find out why we did or did not get our roles.
This could be wonderful. Or horrible. Look, no one wants to hear the truth. But sometimes it can be really helpful to hear the truth. That's a side conversation.
Yeah. I want to hear Mark that.
Mine actually didn't provide any clarity. They said it was too much likeness to Renee Zellweger in the movie. And I was like, that is the most insane thing you could possibly say.
Also flattering.
So flattering, but definitely inaccurate. But a few weeks later, it is finals week. And I'm doing a final in the classroom. that's right outside of her office. With this other girl that also didn't get one of the roles that I had looked at the notes with.
And we get called into Miss B's office. And I'm like, oh my God, the third girl snitched, didn't she?
Oh, yoi, yoi yoi.
Three can keep a secret if two are dead.
That's what they said. So she has us sit down on the couch. And then she hands us each two pieces of paper stapled together. And I'm like, is there a paper trail of our indiscretion? Is she showing us the notes from the auditions to see if we recognize them and see our reaction?
So I then proceed to read. And it's the draft of an email that she's printed. And the first page says that we have lost the rights to Chicago and we will not be doing Chicago. So I look at her and I'm like, what does this mean? And she goes, turn the page.
And then I turn the page and it says that we are going to do Les Miserables instead.
No. This is so exciting.
You're so excited.
I'm so excited too.
I'm so happy for you.
The cast list is like underneath it. Sure enough, my name is next to Eponine's name.
Oh, you got your dream role.
I love this.
So now she's Mrs. G.
Yeah, she's Mrs. B for best.
Okay, B for buddy, Mrs. Buddy.
She called us in because we both had minor roles that were then bumped up to lead roles. And she was like, don't fuck it up, basically. And I was like, I won't. And I have literally never taken anything more seriously in my life. I worked so hard at it and it ended up being so rewarding and fulfilling.
That's wonderful.
Oh, I love this. What a turn of events. This is a great, great story. But also, I have been practicing impulse control for the last nine minutes. Because I did the math.
So if you moved to the new school, you were in 10th grade and you said at the time you had an eight-year-old sibling. That means the eight-year-old was born when you were in second grade. Which to me means your OCD in third grade was a direct result of that.
Ooh, I don't think anyone in the whole world has put that together.
Because, you know, it was explained to me. Like, I had all these tics. And then later in life, and I think I've told the story. I met a gal who had a form of OCD, where she'd pull her eyelashes out. And then she said to me, well, you know why you have that?
And I said, no. And she said, because you're trying to control a situation when your environment becomes very uncontrollable and uncomfortable and distasteful for you. And so I'm thinking here you had been an only child for seven years.
With teen parents who gave me so much attention.
Yes, and then this new creature arrives and they have to care for her and love her. Your whole world changed. And now you start trying to control bizarre things because everything got upended.
You really are an armchair expert. That was really good. I think the only other inciting event was that they taught us about HIV in third grade. Which is, like, really not developmentally appropriate for a third grader.
You're not fucking for quite some time. We're shooting dope.
No, but they made it seem like we'll just get it.
I was, like, afraid to touch surfaces.
Yes.
I can only feel so bad for you guys, because when I was that age, they showed us the day after. Which is what would happen after nuclear holocaust. Because we were at the height of the Cold War and the nuclear scare. Also, great info for a second grader. Yeah.
Yeah, they need to be more careful about what they show children.
Curriculums.
And, like, I still feel like calling myself an underdog is so generous. But, like, it wasn't an easy situation I was walking into.
This isn't a, you're an underdog in life throughout life. These are individual stories with individual outcomes.
Well articulated.
Not well articulated at all, but that's okay. I feel like you just made fun of me and now I'm an underdog.
In that vein, I just want to say you guys started the podcast the year I started teaching. I had a commute that was an hour each way and you guys were there for each hour. I've still continued to, like, struggle a lot with my mental health. You guys have been there my whole formative adulthood years. Aww.
And made me feel less crazy and made me like myself more. And I'm just very grateful for you guys. I'm such a huge fan.
Thank you, Alex. You call that old boyfriend. Yes. Yeah, you call him and you tell him. Eat my shorts, Mike.
That's right. Yeah, I will.
I'll tell him. you said that specifically.
And I'll meet him at Arby's if he wants.
Oh, boy.
I'll send him your way. But shout out to my mom and dad. They're going to listen. And my wonderful parents in my classroom, Jen and Dana. You guys are amazing.
I'm just, like, very grateful for everything. So, thank you guys.
Aww, yay.
Well, it's been a delight meeting you. And I loved your story.
Thank you, Dax and Monica. Bye. So good to meet you.
Bye-bye. I just discovered.
You have a bump? Maybe.
I don't know if it's cancer or a pimple. Better pop it and see. if it's cancer. Let me see it.
I know what's cancer.
It's right on the cherry. that's in the mouth. See, it's raised. Yeah, I see it. I was meaning to update you on this.
You know, I had a cyst.
It hurt just now.
Well, I had, like, three cyst pimples recently.
Oh, you did?
And I got into one with a needle on Friday, which you're never supposed to do. Yeah. But it worked out. It did? Yeah, I made it way, way smaller and all the tension went away.
And I got, like, weird stuff out.
Did you put any, like, salicylic in there after you used the needle on it?
No. I should have, probably. But I was delighted. It never goes right. It's like I poke a hole in it and I'm pushing, nothing comes out, and it's just bigger.
Yeah. This one, actually, this is the one in 20 that worked. Wow. Yeah. Congrats.
It was your birthday. I've been thinking about telling you that for a long time now.
I appreciate it.
The facialist will go in with a needle. Oh. But it's, like, she has to do it.
She knows how to do it. I've got to start seeing her. Oh, I really liked Alex.
Me, too.
I love that. she loves boys. I love people that love boys.
I know you do.
Hello.
Hello. Hi.
How are you?
Is this Alana?
Well, kind of. It's Alayna.
Oh, Alayna.
In your defense, it's kind of spelled wrong. No, it's not.
I would say, no, it's spelled correctly, but generally, people that have it spelled this way would still say Alana, which is frustrating. The English language, it's flawed. And Alayna of Avedor. Avedor?
Wait, Arendale?
What is it? Alayna of Avedor.
No. Oh, you're thinking of E-L-E-N-A. Alayna of. Oh, jeez.
Okay, never mind. Alayna of Avalar.
Something. Of the Disney movie.
I know where you're going.
I made it worse and I blew it. I'm sorry. Alayna, where are you at in the country?
I'm in Winter Park, Colorado, right now, but I reside in Reno, Nevada. I have to follow up by saying that my husband runs a nonprofit in California, and that's why we live in Reno.
Okay. And I'm going to follow that up with saying that your brow game is on point.
It is really nice.
And your highlights are effortless and elegant.
Wow. These are not compliments I was expecting from that.
What did you think I was going to say?
I didn't even know you understood eyebrows and hair like that.
You know, I know eyebrows. I know, but not like. Hair. might be a revelation, but.
But not like how perfect they are.
Right.
I can't tell you how much that means to me right now.
You know, I hate to.
Uh-oh. You know exactly. Yep, go ahead. What am I going to say? It's hard to think that you'll be an underdog, because you're so beautiful.
Boom.
Thanks for saying it for me. But we all know, being hot doesn't get you out of being an underdog. I know.
You know what? Us humans, man, we are left to the devices of this world. So I will kick it off and I'm going to let Monica know this is going to be a little bit of a roller coaster. There's going to be some highs and lows.
Oh boy. Oh good. But I'm trying to live at six and a half now.
Do you think you're going to get any screams out of Moni? Oh. Who also has great eyebrows.
Thank you, but not right now. Don't look at them.
They're snatched.
Thank you.
I think there might be a moment where you're like, I hate that.
Okay. I like the prep.
Okay. So I have to give you a little bit of background, because my birth origin story has something to do with it. So I was the third of four born to a waitress and a coal miner, which doesn't start off strong, but I have as much potential as any other person. a lot. Right?
Of course.
Were you in Appalachia? Where is coal mining still happening?
My dad was born and raised in Arkansas, but I was born in New Mexico, little town called Farmington in the Northwest corner. About nine months after I was born, my dad was hit and killed by a drunk driver on Christmas Eve.
Oh, my God. Why?
So that's like my first ace point, right? Yeah. My mom did not handle it well. She was 24 at the time. Just had her third child.
We lived as best we could for about five years. My mom had moved us to Las Vegas, Nevada. And at the time, my grandparents came to visit. We were homeless, living in a trailer. Oh, okay.
Kind of the second East score, I would say. My grandparents moved in and decided that they would adopt me and my sister.
Was mom having some addiction issues at this point?
Drugs and alcohol were at play.
So you probably have four.
I mean, it seems like you have 10, honestly, already.
I don't remember my childhood. So I know it was like all kinds of traumatic. So my mom did end up with a mental illness that started around that time. So it was so hard. And I don't have any resentment towards her at all.
It's just the hand that she was dealt. She was playing it the best she could. So, my grandparents, they came in and they really gave me this incredible second chance of life. And my brother stayed with my mom, which is a totally different story and also kind of traumatic. But the best thing that my grandparents did for me was they introduced me to sports at a young age.
They got me into t-ball. at five. A jock was born. Sporty Spice came into the room and started to just go ham on little guy t-ball. I'm like, first base, second base, third base, point.
Let's go. It made a lot of sense to me. And then I picked up volleyball and basketball. I played Boys and Girls Club sports growing up and picked up snowboarding, which I loved so much. And then, as I got into high school, I was really focused on fast pitch softball.
I was hoping it was like my ticket out of my small town. I was actually being actively recruited my senior year in high school by LSU, which I know. SEC stuff comes into play. So I'm on fire. Totally looking back, I can see how I had some red flags going, like risk-taking behavior, over-drinking at parties.
The ace scores are playing as well.
They show up whether you like it or not.
Sports was really what kept me on track, though. That was like my saving grace. So the turning point comes. my senior year in high school. It was actually November 19th of 2000, when we had just gotten a ton of snowfall, like five foot.
And I mentioned, I'm from northern Mexico, which is about 40 minutes from Durango, Colorado.
I was going to say that. And then I knew Monica would be like, shut up with the geography. My first thought was Durango. I think you would fly into Durango to go to your place, probably. Which is also then an hour from Telluride-ish.
Here we go. That's why we started. Okay.
Yeah. That's the nearest ski resort. And also the backcountry stuff is really fun out there. And so the night before November 19th of 2000,, me and a bunch of my friends decided we wanted to go out snowboarding in the backcountry. It was well before the resorts opened.
For anybody that's a skier, they know it's pretty early in the season. We go out. Everybody's really hyped up. We had been talking about doing backflips all summer long. And I knew that I wanted to try my first backflip on a snowboard.
The first chance I got, really. So I could do a backflip on a trampoline with my snowboard attached. I did flat ground backflips all the time. I was like low-key, obsessed with it. So November 19th comes.
We go out into the backcountry. Everybody's having a really great day. The snow is awesome. But there wasn't really a base to speak of.
Yeah, so rocks are exposed.
Oh, my. Exactly.
Yeah.
I know, Mani. I know. So I'm up on the top of this hill. We had built this jump. And we had been hitting it all day.
And as I'm standing on the top of that jump, very impulsively, I look over at my friend J.
C. And I say, hey, I'm going to try that backflip. And before he could say a word, I'm sliding down that hill. And I'm thinking to myself, the last thing I want to do is under-rotate this. So as I approach the jump, I throw my feet as hard as I can.
And as I finish the first flip and I go for the second, I know it's all going south. I did a one-and-a-half backflip. Landed directly on my back on the snow. And what I later learned was a four-foot boulder. And so I broke my back in three places.
And was paralyzed upon impact.
And it wasn't that painful. It was so shocking. Like electrifying. The sound was like this big electrical sprung. And then it kind of left my body in a wave down to my toes.
My buddy, J.
C. runs over, asks me what's going on. And I said, I don't have any idea where my board and my boots. And he said, with fear in his eyes, that they were on my feet. I knew something was terribly wrong, but there'd be like no way I could understand.
I was paralyzed upon impact. So, you know, I lay on the snow for about an hour and a half. This is back in 2000.. We don't have cell phones. Our friends are freaking out, running to go get help.
About an hour and a half later, the helicopter lands. I get airlifted out, taken to the hospital. Undergo about an eight-hour back reconstruction surgery. I blew out T11.. It was shattered.
And so those bones flew through my spinal cord. Yeah, I'm an incomplete T12 injury. Which means I was able to get some function back. And I'm an athlete. I can't be paralyzed.
That's like putting a bird in a cage. Like that's my thing.
Yeah, yeah. It's your identity.
The long and short of it is. the doctor came in, told me what a spinal cord injury was. Told me it was the only organ in your whole body that doesn't regenerate after you injure it. And that whatever I get back in the following two years is what I would probably have for the rest of my life. So in my 17-year-old head, I'm like, let's go.
Rehab. it is. I'm going to figure this out. And this doctor doesn't know how strong and capable I am. All these things.
I love my naive self for that. I love that my mind and body were connected. And I really believed that I was going to walk again and all these things. Well, two years come around and nothing's really changed. I've done all the work.
I've dedicated my life to walking again. And that's when, like the lowest point of my story is. And I'm just really in a place where I genuinely don't want to be here. Like I don't want to live this particular life anymore. And I call it a God moment and I'm not religious, but it was too soon.
So I'm at my lowest place and I'm taking a shortcut through the auxiliary gym at the University of New Mexico where I ended up going.
Really quick. Are you at a stage where you're using a walker or are you in a wheelchair at this point?
I'm in a wheelchair. So when I was doing my rehab, I had long like braces, very much like Forrest Gump style. Like those haven't changed a lot. So I was up on braces. I was standing and walking, but my brain and my body aren't connected anymore.
The spinal cord is the information highway and it was not working. I went off to college at UNM. I was genuinely so disappointed. And I, low-key, was so mad I couldn't wear high heels or flip flops. I'm 18..
You know, it's hard. I'm taking the shortcut through the gym and I look up and I see this entire group of people playing wheelchair basketball. I didn't even know that there were other people my age that were in wheelchairs. Like I didn't see anybody on a daily basis. Let alone did I see or know about adaptive sports.
So I'm like timeout, jaw-dropping moment. I saw these people like crashing into each other, falling over, getting up, shooting three-point stationary shots and thinking it. And I'm like, this is legitimately amazing.
Yes.
Everything changed that day. That day I got into a basketball chair and, for the first time in two years, I pushed really hard and I got my heart rate going and the endorphins were flowing, and I'm sweating and I'm like, I'm running.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're flying down a court.
I'm flying and I'm looking over at these guys with no legs or that are paralyzed more than me. And I'm like, you guys are not excusing yourselves from your life. You're in it. You're making the most of it. Right.
So it was like this very important moment that I couldn't deny was happening. I think you would relate a lot to that moment. Like AA, there's this common denominator that brings everybody into the same room, but everybody's so different and there's so many different characters. I don't know you from Adam, but because you're disabled, we're going to be friends now. And it was so therapeutic.
What happened that day was really the beginning of my next chapter. And so from that point on, I played community ball at UNM, learned about a program at the University of Arizona, moved out there, played with the women's wheelchair basketball team there, got recruited to play at the University of Alabama.
Roll Tide baby!
I'll allow this today.
This is a one time reprieve on Roll Tide.
I did my graduate work at Alabama, played wheelchair basketball there, while I was preparing to go to my very first Paralympic Games in Beijing in 2008.
Oh, wow. By the way, here's the comedy of life. Like, if you not become paralyzed, I don't know how great of an athlete you are. Maybe you would have gone to the Olympics in some capacity, but also maybe not.
Yeah.
More likely not.
Exactly. Wait for it. This is where the underdog victoriously rises. So we train that summer, go into Beijing undefeated, go through the tournament undefeated, play the Germans. in the final.
The buzzer sounds. We've hit all of our free throws when they mattered the most. We win. We get the gold medal in Beijing in 2008..
Come on.
I'm a gold medalist.
Oh, my God. An Olympic gold medalist.
You've seen the Olympics. I know you guys are both really big fans. You know, when Olympic years happen, that everybody's got a story behind those, right?
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