Flightless Bird: Alligators

I'm David Farrier, a New Zealander accidentally marooned in America, and I want to figure out what makes this country tick. Now, as you may recall, from The Bears episode of Flightless Bird, I discovered that America is very different to New Zealand in that. It's filled to the brim with terrifying animals that can kill you snakes, mountain lions, bears. We don't have any of that stuff back home. So you can imagine my fear when I waded into Florida, home to 2,000 crocodiles and a whopping 1.25 million alligators.

There's also some tragic news tonight from Fort Pierce, Florida, where an 85-year-old woman was killed in a rare alligator attack.

Florida started tracking alligator attacks in 1948.

Near her home in a retirement community this afternoon, an 85-year-old woman was walking.

Her dog along the water's edge.

Horrified neighbours say the alligator suddenly sprung from the water and dragged her back.

Under, of course, relative to the population of both people and big lizards, attacks are rare, but they're less rare than in New Zealand, where we have exactly zero of them. Florida is also the only place on the planet where you can find both crocodiles and alligators coexisting in the wild. Saltwater and freshwater coming together in a cacophony of scales, jaws and gnashing teeth.

Flightless, flightless, flightless bird touchdown in America. I'm a flightless bird touchdown in America.

I hate alligators. Could you have guessed that?

I mean, I'm not a big.

I'm very scared of them, although I feel like you would invite one because you said, ding, ding, ding, throwback to Gladesmen, you wanted to jump in and swim with one.

Yeah, you're right, there's that part of me that's just super curious, and I'm also a huge fan. Did you ever watch Jackass or was that like a boy thing?

I didn't watch it.

I love Jackass and they did this great prank on their parents. Where they had an alligator in the kitchen and mum came down, they were always getting just absolutely terrorized, and Mum came down to the kitchen. And there's just an alligator in the kitchen. And that's one of the funniest things I've seen in my entire life.

Haven't you learned that you are not supposed to do that?

What I learned is pranks can be funny for you and not funny for the other person, and I need to remember that.

But also, you didn't even think that was funny because you felt bad. You have to remember that, too.

The lead up was funny and then the guilt. I'm not going to put an alligator in your house, I promise.

Okay.

I have been looking after a little hummingbird. I sent you that photo, yes.

Okay, tell us what happened.

I just want to explain why I'm a bit tired. I've been waking up every two hours to feed sugar water to this little hummingbird. So I was walking along. I wander around the streets and there was a little tiny, what I thought was a little bumblebee on the ground, it was a little tiny, fledgling hummingbird.

Wait, it's that small.

It's tiny.

A Bumblebee size?

Bumblebee size? Yeah, maybe I'm exaggerating, maybe two Bumblebees. It was small.

Seven Bumblebees.

It was small.

Oh.

I'll show you a photo so you see that guy.

Oh, now, let me get closer.

It's so small you've got to get close to the phone.

That is true. Oh my God, it is really small, but he looks happy.

Yes, so basically it was in really bad shape when I found it, maybe it got hit by a car or something, so I took it home. Its parents weren't anywhere.

Hold on, hold on, you're now in a database of hummingbird rescuers.

Yeah, I'm like a friend of the hummingbirds, so I get newsletters now about hummingbirds.

You get mail.

And well, I love this mail, I welcome it.

Yeah, because you love birds, I'm sure everyone remembers, but you were the perfect person to find this.

I was so happy and she had hummingbirds all over the house, it was great. They were in little containers and little cages at different stages of development. She's looking after them all.

Okay.

And she drops them off there, and eventually they get re-released once they've learned how to feed for themselves.

And then do you think they find their parents again?

Never, no parents are gone, they'll never be reunited, and they just live their little life.

Why can't they find their parents?

I don't know for sure some of them might be able to fly from Huntington Beach back to Los Feliz.

How do you know for certain a baby's never met?

No, that's a good point they might do, but I think chances are, though, once they can look after themselves, they'll just be out doing their own thing.

This sounds like a Pixar movie.

I'm thinking of selling the rights to this story anyway, that is just an animal related story. Sure, quick bit of housekeeping, okay?

No, what?

You know how, in every American hotel, there's a little area around from the lift and there's like an ice vending machine. We don't have those in New Zealand, but why do you have them and what are they doing?

It's if you want ice while you're in your hotel room.

What are you popping ice in?

Do you not put ice in fountain drinks?

Yeah, yeah, the movies and stuff we like an icy beverage, yeah.

I think it's also because travelers sometimes have coolers, I think it's just providing-.

Coolers is a good option if you're traveling. Because I noticed this when I was traveling through Florida. Every sort of motel, mainly hotels, they all had ice machines. And I was like, that isn't a thing in New Zealand. Isn't that fascinating? Who makes them? I wonder.

Well, i-.

Big Ice.

Big Ice.

I suppose.

That is probably people who are traveling with coolers, perhaps we would say chili bins, you say coolers.

Chili bins, Yeah.

I was at a diner the other day, I put food all over myself, I dribbled it.

No, a regular, dry napkin.

A dry napkin? And I was saying, Can I have a serviette? And they looked at me obviously like a freak anyway.

Wow, okay, okay, hold on, one more thing because we're talking about episodes.

This is great. Yeah, I get a lot of people sending videos and images. Someone just sent me a guy in Florida who was powering his little vehicle with a leaf blower, so he had an umbrella out leaf blower going and it was pushing him along.

Oh, my goodness, okay.

School cafeterias.

Yes, that is a yes.

We don't have them in New Zealand at all. No, so you pack your own lunch and you take it to school.

What about kids who can't afford?

We have a program of schools and lunches, you'll be handed a little, a bag pack. Yeah, I mean, I've seen it in American TV shows.

Where do you guys eat lunch?

Outside on the grass, Oh yeah, we just get our lunch and we sit on the grass, or up a tree or something, or on the tennis courts up a tree.

So there's n.o.-.

There's no big room, what if it's raining some schools under an awning or something outside, because you sort of get kicked out of the classrooms at lunchtime.

Okay, this is definitely worth digging into.

Great, we have a tuck shop where you can buy some chips and maybe a hot mince pie, which you've learned about now, but you buy it at this little shop. And then, as I say, you go out and sit in a tree or on the grass or something.

Okay.

Okay, great school cafes, dryers that you put quarters in to do your laundry.

Laundromats.

Laundromats.

No, no, no, laundromats are not American. The first time and pretty much only times I've ever used it have been in Europe.

Okay, not going to do this one then. Yeah, I think you might have actually told me that before, but I just got fixated on the idea. Because I have a little dryer and washer in my building and I'm always trying to find quarters. Oh, yeah.

Oh, really.

And so I'm always just running out of quarters all the time. The bank's cut me off.

I guess that's true. Some apartment buildings do have it, and colleges, I guess I used it in college.

Big industry.

It is, I just don't think it's American, okay, although maybe if you do a little more deep dive and find out that it is okay.

Last one, I've found a couple on Instagram that chase tornadoes through. -.

Oh, we have talked about this.

TorNado Alley And I think it'd be a great episode. I do, too. Me in a car chasing tornadoes. Are you worried about me dying or something?

Yeah, of course I am. Is that a problem?

Okay, do we have any sort of insurance policy on Armchair Expert?

I think the opposite, I think you need to sign something saying, if you die, we get all your money.

Okay, right?

And your family can't sue us.

Okay.

Because we'll lose-.

An Indemnity.

Right, right.

Okay, I'll do it, I'll think about it. I think it would be a good episode.

I do, too. I also think you can do it without you yourself chasing, but I also do think that would be interesting. So I see the conundrum.

I want to get that audio. And also they're remaking Twister this year.

Oh, that's cool.

So it's the time to do it.

But listen, I just-.

The zeitgeist? We don't really have tornadoes in New Zealand, right? They're a really American thing.

And especially chasing, I think, is very American psychotic. Yes, yeah, but this is what I don't want you to do.

It would be good audio, though, wouldn't it? We'll see how hardy that Zoom H5 recorder is. Rob put it to the test, see how good the hardware is.

Upload directly to the cloud.

It would rate, Well, I'm dead. You find the Zoom recorder and it's my final podcasting video, me getting sucked up desperately trying to record the ads for the episode.

I think you have to decide before.

We're going to do them weird, I see, as you're-.

We need the ads, we haven't recorded the ads for the episode. Fuck.

Better help.

Helix, Helix.

Oh my god, okay.

I do have one housekeeping too. Oh, is it a present? Since I got David a present, I had to get Monica a present.

Yes, I love this.

See, Rob knows about even presents.

I love my wallet by the way, Rob, I'm using it. What is this, Monica?

Wow.

It has nothing to do with this show, but I love it. Oh my God.

Look, you have got okay, so this is incredible. This is the best thing I've ever. This is a branded what looks like the Dunkin Donuts.

It's from chain.

Yes, the like B..J. Joe's thing.

It has Ben Affleck instead of the Dunkin Donuts words, and it's really good, Benjamin Affleck. Can I just show you what my wallpaper is on my phone at the moment?

Yes.

It is Ben Affleck with a bunch of Dunkin donuts stuff. Wait, okay, I love this also.

This can be a whole episode, okay? First of all, thank you Rob. you're welcome. This is an amazing gift.

What is it?

Do you want to tell?

Yeah, so it's the OTM chef Tom Hollandsworth, him and B..J. Novak have this little pop-up thing they do. I think it's every month where they take kind of fast food, chain food and then do a really elevated version of it.

Oh, they did one for the new scream, right?

They did scream, and McDonald's, they did like a wagyu bone marrow burger.

Oh, yum, that was ridiculous.

This is like food and film coming together, which is like your jam. Well, not always film.

Not always film, no, they just have learned to partner with.

Yeah, they chased the zeitgeist.

They did a chili's.

They did a taco bell with Wagyu.

Oh, so good. So are they doing a Dunkin donuts one?

I don't. They might have already done it. Wow, it's just it's hard to get tickets, exactly, you have to send out like a waiting list.

We need to go to one soon, I want to go.

This reminds me, well, maybe we should do a Donuts episode, clearly. And Dunkin is a huge part of the culture here. And I mean, could we get? I mean, I'd love to get Ben Affleck to talk, because, I mean, that's his thing, isn't it? No, it's not.

You better, okay?

No, I am Ben affleck and me tight.

No, don't act like you know him, like I know him. Okay, no, but that is why I wanted to check, because that picture is not allowed to be mocking in my presence.

Oh, I'm not mocking it, okay? I genuinely think he's a man of the people he is and I absolutely am all for him.

Okay.

Ben Affleck.

Yeah, I like seeing the photos of him with Dunkin donuts.

Yeah, I mean.

It's usually him like opening his door, trying to grab it before all the paparazzi take photos of him.

Yeah, and he's also got coffee for other people, it's not just a coffee he's got, like six of them.

He's very nice.

He's like buying them for people. He's a nice boy, he's a nice boy.

Also, they need to leave him alone. I just really don't like the mob.

I don't know why people come for him, because again.

Because he's a big star. But it's, you know, because I was just at the air premiere.

Oh, were you?

Yeah, I went to the air premiere, I didn't tell you. Oh my God, one of the best days of my life.

Yeah, I still haven't seen it, I want to see it.

Oh, it's great, it's a very, very good movie.

Cool.

But it always excites me because when they're doing press, especially if they're in a movie together, they did not come on. Armchair Expert, which is, I can't, I don't want to think about it. But I get, like, you know, a whole slew of new stuff I get to watch of that. Yeah, and he's very playful and accepting over the fact that he gets picked on a lot, like he, like, mentions it and laughs at it.

He gets the memes, yeah.

He like pokes at the memes and he's able to take it much better than I would ever be able to take it.

Yeah, I feel him and Keanu are both an incredible kind of meme-y stuff, where they just have an amazing facial expression and it just captures a feeling. And I think it's a wonderful thing. I love him.

And I love this shirt. Thank you very much. Alright, well, that was our episode on Ben.

On alligators.

Alright, should we get into this Florida adventure? Let's learn about some alligators.

Okay.

I think I need to clear something up before anyone gets confused. New Zealand doesn't have crocodiles or alligators. This comes as a shock to a lot of Americans I meet who assume New Zealand is actually Australia. It's a similar perceived insult of calling an American a Canadian. Now I understand it's confusing as New Zealanders sound similar to Australians. And Australia is geographically close to New Zealand, and Australia has a load of crocodiles.

So what I've got to do is.

Grab around the head and use my entire body to pin her down.

Of course, Australia also had crocodile dundee, a sort of Australian Indiana Jones who loved crocodiles and knives.

That's not a knife.

And spawned a series of films, including One where he came to L.A.

Welcome to Wendy's. Good evening Wendy.

Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles.

My point is, I may be in Los Angeles right now, but I'm not Crocodile Dundee from Australia, I'm David from New Zealand, where we don't have any wild crocodiles or wild alligators. Which is why I've come to St. Augustine in Florida to visit the alligator farm, which, confusingly, isn't a farm.

We've never been a farm, it's kind of a silly name for us. In 1893, when we started, we couldn't really say we were a zoo. We didn't have all these cool zebras and elephants. So I think the farm just denoted. There's a lot of alligators at this place, right?

I'm talking to John, the director at the Alligator Farm, and the alligators here aren't poor, they're doing great now. St. Augustine is very, very old.

And at that time, there was a freshwater spring, and a gentleman built a building over the spring. The sign out front said Burning Springs Museum. And he'd pipe kerosene across it and light it every morning and charge visitors to see the natural phenomenon.

I suppose it was proof that people would pay to see nearly anything.

So the people that started the alligator farm thought, well, if they'll pay to look at that, they'll pay to look at big alligators, right? So they just caught alligators that were here, naturally, put them in some pens, and people have been paying us ever since to look at alligators. I mean, that's the story right there.

So this alligator farm started as a tram-side attraction, then a roadside attraction. But now, in 2023, it's an accredited zoo. The only zoo in the world with every kind of crocodile that exists. But people still mostly come here to see the alligators that are born and bred in Florida, they're everywhere.

Well, sure, so seeing one in a ditch is what it is. You drive by and go. Oh, I think that was an alligator. If you want to get close to it, you're nervous about it and maybe it's going to be a problem, maybe it's not. I don't know that much about these big things.

Last year, Florida was the fastest-growing state, something I find kind of strange, considering it's literally full of dinosaurs that love eating meat. To me, moving to Florida would be like moving into Jurassic Park after the T-Rex got out. It's not worth it.

When you hear them roar and bellow and things, you start wondering, how did people even settle the area and not just freak out about? You know, here I am in my tent for the first time. And this thing starts growling in the distance and you're like, OK, I'm going back to England, you know, I don't know what that is.

With that in mind, John says that most of the time, alligators want absolutely nothing to do with humans. They're cowards, they'll run away.

There are millions of people in this state and probably two million alligators in this state, and it's headline news when somebody gets attacked by an alligator. Because it happens once every three years.

Of course, every alligator attack is headline news, so they seem more common than they actually are. We've got the same thing in New Zealand, but with shark attacks, they're incredibly rare. But given so much news coverage during summer, you'd think it was a much bigger problem than it actually is. During the 50s, alligators almost became extinct thanks to endless hunting.

Here we have baby American alligators, so that's the hatchlings from last year.

Thinking about these guys once nearly becoming extinct, I wondered what the deal is with alligator hunting in 2023?

Correct, Yes, yeah. You can't feed an alligator in the wild legally, and you can't put hands on one. The people who can legally do that if it's a nuisance alligator. Work. For the state and for the Florida fish and wildlife, there's a hunting season that you can put your name in to go hunt a big animal.

I remember the Gladesman I'd hung out with, he had talked about these nuisance alligators, too.

The only time you have to worry is when they get like that, when they get that big, that's scary. Those are what I was telling you, are what they call nuisance gators. If one grabs you and you try to yank your hand out the first thing they do, they call it a death roll.

This alligator farm used to have the ultimate nuisance alligator, a man-eater. It died and now sits stuffed at the park. I go and look, and it's quite impressive. Where do you find someone to taxidermy something that size?

We went all the way to Colorado, the Jonas Brothers.

Not those Jonas brothers, but a taxidermy company. Looking at the big stuffed beast in front of me, I realise I'm mystified by the difference between an alligator and a crocodile.

One of the big differences between alligators and crocodiles is crocodiles can excrete salt out of their system, and so they get a bigger range. Because a crocodile could theoretically swim from Cuba to Florida, alligators and crocodiles start bullying each other. When there's a little bit of size difference and it almost doesn't matter the species, we can keep some alligators and crocodiles together. And as long as they're all about the same size, they do alright.

All I really knew about Crocs at this point is what I'd gleaned from Lake Placid the Jaws of Crocodile movies. It was worshipped.

By primitive cultures, it can kill a man.

With one crushing bite.

While not particularly accurate, Lake Placid isn't entirely off because crocodiles do tend to be more aggro than gators.

So, yeah, I would say that on average, crocodiles eat bigger things. They're less afraid of us. A crocodile in Africa that eats a zebra isn't going to be afraid of us. We're kind of soft and slow, so that's how they get that reputation.

But we're in Florida, there are only 2,000 crocs, but over a million alligators. Alligators are what make Florida, Florida.

Alligators are smarter than people give them credit for. In fact, every animal in this enclosure knows its name, and the keepers can train them for different things so they may.

Call them over.

They can call an individual animal without having them all come over.

You say, like, Fred and Fred will come to you and the others won't.

Exactly.

Seriously, you're not lying.

No, no, no, that's very true. I always tell people because they're smarter than you think they are, you're not realising that they're learning your pattern. So if you move here from Georgia and you are walking your poodle every morning at 7am down by the lake, the alligator will notice that. And he'll be in the middle of the lake, and a week later, he'll be at the edge of the lake. Waiting for you to come by at 7am. And so they don't miss a trick.

Stay tuned for more Flightless bird. We'll be right back after a word from our sponsors.

Yeah, which is not a good order.

It seems probably bad, and it's probably why I got literally. I got strep throat, I've just come through and the doctor did say to me, you'll probably just really run down, because that's when strep throat gets you.

Yeah.

And it's probably now thinking about it because of that.

Yeah, you're stressed and you need an outlet. I skipped therapy this week and I feel it.

You do you.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like you felt a bit pent up, yes, over there, you felt an energy coming across.

It's easy, it's affordable compared to a lot of options.

Also, I really like that it's virtual. I think pandemic taught us that zoom and virtual meetings are normal and easy and great, and I think that has made online therapy even easier.

Definitely.

Find more balance with BetterHelp. Visit Betterhelp..com slash bird today to get 10 off your first month. That's BetterHelp H-e-l-p dot com slash bird.

Yeah, if you didn't take AG1, you would be dead.

I think I probably would be, Yeah, yeah. My diet is offensive, and mixing this up in water makes me know that I'm doing at least one good thing for myself. Yeah, you take one scoop of AG1 and you're absorbing 75 high quality vitamins, minerals, whole food source, superfoods, probiotics, and adaptogens to help you start your day right. Plus, it tastes really good.

And we were just talking about probiotics, it's important, especially because you've just been on an antibiotic.

Totally.

So you really need these pros.

Oh, you know, I'm on the AG1.

That big guy on the island is probably the biggest one in here, thirteen and a half feet. They start getting even bulkier as they get older. Some of these have come to us because of the nuisance alligator programs, so in some cases, the trappers get to where they find a big nuisance alligator. And he's 12 feet long, and they say, you know, this guy's lived 50 years.

As I've been talking to John, I've been getting really distracted by the loud, jungle themed music booming from the speakers all around us. Who's in charge of the Spotify playlists in here? They've got some good drum beats going on right now.

This is actually off of an album called Thunder Drums and it's got some really good stuff in it.

It's a good atmosphere. Thunder Drums I look up Thunder Drums on Spotify. It's an album from 2012 by Medwin Goodall.

Part of what I like to do here, I came from Walt Disney World, so I kind of have this theming mentality. But I like it when you can get to an area and say, okay, this is the Chinese alligator. And you're going to hear some Chinese music and you're going to see some Chinese artwork and kind of get a feel for, oh, this is a little different atmosphere than where this other thing came from.

What were you doing at Disney? I just went to Epcot for the first time. Oh yeah.

I worked there before Animal Kingdom, and I worked on a small zoo called Discovery Island. It's a 12 acre island, it's out in the middle of Bay Lake.

I know we've been talking about how alligators aren't as dangerous as they're made out to be, but talking about Disney reminds me of that alligator attack. Six years ago, a two-year-old child was building a sandcastle on the shore of Disney's Seven Seas Lagoon. He bent over to scoop up some sand in his bucket while his parents watched on.

The report by the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission is heart-wrenching. It clearly states that Matt Graves did everything he could to try to rescue his son. Lane from the clutches of an attacking alligator, but the alligator was just too strong. Yeah, that was a bizarre scenario. It was at night, they were there to see the fireworks, and here you got this young person that's in the water. And at nighttime is when alligators are more likely to be interested in hunting.

Not scary for the alligator.

At all. And one of the reasons it's illegal to feed alligators in Florida is they start associating people in food.

After the attack, the parents of the boy didn't end up suing, but Disney put up fences and warning signs that still remain. There's no more playing by the lakefront outside the Grand Floridian resort and spa.

It was horrifying.

I took the gondola from one part to the other and looking down, you can see it's all fenced off now. And just before there was no fence. You could just play on this lakefront, which seems like a crazy oversight. But then I guess it's these things in life that you don't think about until this horrible thing happens, you know?

Especially Disney. I am surprised that they hadn't taken more precautions. They're this huge entity, completely liability wise.

And out the front of a hotel, kids are going to play. It is a weird thing. And it got me thinking again, I guess, just about the culture in Florida, how it's just accepted, right? There are a million alligators that live there and they're just going to be around and you just need to be careful. And I think, Rob, you sent me that story recently about the old lady that was grabbed and she was out walking her dog. And, as we just heard, alligators do clock patterns and they are watching and they're not dumb.

This is a ding ding ding to a armchair fact check. I'm kind of surprised they're not on the smartest animals list sentientanimals..org.

Oh, now I listen to this list, this contentious list.

Yeah.

I do like it. Whenever you talk about lists, there was another list you did of I think sports, like the most watched sports.

Oh yeah.

And that was also just very wild to me, it was really, really good.

But they do sound smart, but they sound smart in a predatorial, psychopath way.

The fact that I found really surprising. Apparently, there's an alligator in the keys that responds to 27 different words. And so the trainers will use that, obviously, to get it to do their tricks. But that really surprised me.

Can I be honest?

With you for once in your life, please. It's all I've been waiting for for years. The first like.

Three quarters of that doc I was thinking about, Ben.

Ben Fuck.

Still.

Well, oh my god.

We had jumped so quickly from Ben to alligators.

It wasn't a smooth transition.

And I just couldn't stop, you know?

What were you imagining I was just?

Thinking about him. And I was thinking about the air premiere, and you know, I bought these new Jordans and kind of because I got, you know, reinvigorated by the air premiere.

I'm trying to teach you about the alligator, and you're just thinking about Ben.

He's just so handsome and he's such a good boy, as we established.

I'm a big fan of using the imagination and I'm really glad that you were. I think adults don't use their imagination enough. Kids are always thinking of things and sometimes adults don't use it. I have this thing and I used to find it really exciting when I was a kid and I still do it. Where I'll imagine saving someone from, like a gunman or a fire, and so something bad will happen. And I will zoom into the room, I'll usually dive in front of someone to save someone.

An opportunity to save me from the snake.

And you were like.

No, I'm just gonna walk on by it.

It's because he loves animals more than humans, so this is human being saved from another human in your fantasy.

Yeah, if there's no animals involved, then I will help. If a person comes to attack you, Monica, I will dive in front between the attacker and yourself.

You will.

I'll think about it.

He'll fantasize about it.

But he won't do it. I'll just stand there imagining it.

I went on a date once with this very nice person and we talked about what would happen. I think I had just been in a scenario where I was at a restaurant and this unhoused person came in and was acting very erratic and.

It was a lot.

It was a lot and it was frightening and I, you know, it made me spiral, like, what do I do? What would I do if something went down? And I was like, I guess I'd just sit there and let myself get killed, let everyone get killed. And I said this to the person and he was like me too. And then we kind of just looked at each other and we were like, we're not a good match.

You're absolutely both going to die.

Yeah.

Well, there was an incident recently where there was a stabbing in a Starbucks and everyone just sat around while this happened. No, and it's that bystander effect thing where people are bad at reacting to drama because we just don't know what to do.

I mean, I think you get some paralysis.

Oh, absolutely. oh, it's scary, someone's getting stabbed, it's scary, but.

But somebody's got to call 9-1-1 or jump in, and I guess 9-1-1's not that useful.

Yeah, it wasn't quicker, everyone just sort of like, stood around. But yeah, I like to think that my heroic behavior in my mind will one day translate into reality. And, most importantly, that there are witnesses to see it.

Maybe we can set up some scenarios that are like, safe, but.

How will he even know, because he won't recognize anyone's face, and he might accidentally you might see the stabber, but then attack?

A different person.

Oh, the face blindness.

There's issues coming into it as well. Yeah, actually, that's a good thing to clock.

Part of it.

Well, I'm just saying, I'm proud of you, imagining I'm upset that you weren't learning about alligators with me, but it's great to use your imagination. Thank you and I'm proud of you for that.

Thanks.

Should we concentrate this time?

Yeah, I'm ready.

I've got some facts coming up. There's so much to learn about the humble alligator.

Wow, okay.

I've seen more alligators today than I've seen in my entire life, and I do get why people pay. To see them up close. It's way more exciting than seeing them in a distant ditch or river, and it's nice having a little wall in the way. What are you feeding these things?

So they'll eat any kind of meat that fits in their mouth. We work with purina, and they make us an alligator. chow what purina?

Is that like dog food?

It's like their dog, but they have a subsidiary group that does all zoo food, so they make lion chow and fly chow. I love your raising flies and flamingo chow.

Raising flies, What?

If you're raising flies, you gotta feed your chameleon, he needs a fly. So yeah, they're making food for animals, that will be food, right?

Look, after doing this interview, I tried for about a month to talk to someone at Purina about the food they make for alligators. I was transfixed at the idea of a company making food not just for cats and dogs, but for alligators. Not only that, but they also make food for flies. Well, it turns out that Nestle Purina make the dog and cat food. But there's this other company started by the same people called Purina Animal Nutrition, and that's now owned by some place called Land o Lakes, that makes alligator food.

And one of the cool things about the company was. They said, Well, how long does it need to float? and I said, I don't know. I mean, they feed at the surface, probably most. Oh well, it floats for three and a half minutes now, but we can make it longer if you want. Like, they just have this ability to puff a certain amount of air into it or whatever.

The intricacies of alligator food Who knew? We've reached another area of the alligator farm? And I noticed a lot of Egyptian imagery going on. John explains it by saying The large crocodiles here are nile crocodiles from Africa. So they built this exhibit with Egypt in mind, the country linking North East Africa with the Middle East.

This whole thing actually was kind of my childhood. I really was fascinated by Egypt and all things King Tut. And my favourite movie is Raiders of the Lost Ark. So I built out the ark, built a life size ark, so we've got snakes on display guarding the Ark of the Covenant.

You're in heaven here, right?

Yeah, right.

I realise that the director of the Alligator farm is just a big nerd and this is his playground.

The Ark of the Covenant. There, I built that in my living room. My mum and dad were not surprised at all, but I think my wife was really like, Okay, when is this leaving the house? I've actually seen every indie movie with my parents, but now my wife is getting involved in it. She's having to deal with all my nerdism.

I ask how long it took to finish this Ark of the Covenant that's now proudly on display, he says. It took about 3 months of work at nights and on the weekends, and your marriage lasted.

Yeah, absolutely. She dresses up as my Marion for Halloween.

While I've been in this Nile area, I've been peering down at the two Nile crocodiles in their enclosure. Something about them has been banging around in the back of my head, something troubling me. Then I remembered a news report from about 4 years ago, Action News.

Trax Ryan Nelson is live right now in St. Augustine. Ryan, the manager there tells you that there is surveillance video of this bizarre incident.

It all snapped into place. That bizarre incident happened here. It wouldn't be a true episode about Florida without concluding with a tale from the Florida Man genre. I was afraid that John wouldn't want to talk about it, but I forget I'm in America where people love talking about everything.

It's a gentleman who was on some sort of drugs, the police said. It was something called bath salts. I don't know anything about it, except that it seems to make them overheat like it was very hot. So he broke in at night and did a whole bunch of damage, he just vandalized the place.

A nightmare.

That's not good. So the police knock on the door, I go open the door and I said, Gosh, it's a little worse than I thought. And he says, No. We got the guy and I said, What do you mean? I haven't even told you what happened.

And what happened?

He couldn't walk a straight line, he was very stoned, but he could climb anything he climbed over barbed wire to get into the park.

And then he.

Climbed over these fences and it really did look like he thought he was captive and trying to sneak out. Like he was crawling along, holding his hands on walls and stuff. But he climbed up on the roof of that, right above the ark of the Covenant, where we just were and leapt in with those two nile crocodiles. And they grabbed him, of course, rolled him around and he managed to crawl out.

He's incredibly lucky if they were grabbing and rolling.

Extremely lucky, and so they brought him to the hospital. He snuck out of the hospital that day, still stoned out of his mind. They found him behind an outback steakhouse, somewhere. They bring him back, do a surgery on his foot, and the doctor said he was still stoned three days later.

One amazing detail from that story is that the man was wearing crocs at the time. So part of the police evidence was a photo of a pair of crocs sitting discarded next to a pair of actual crocs. The man was lucky to be alive. He went to prison while the Nile crocodiles remained here at the alligator farm. I'm looking at them right now.

That really made me laugh. So Florida, so on brand.

So perfect. Synthetic cathinones, more commonly known as bath salts, human made stimulants chemically related to cathinone, a substance found in the cart plant.

This is news to me. I thought bath salts were bath salts.

So did I, I thought, I assumed.

Yeah, oh right, you know, they're not, they're not. Yeah, I think maybe some people tried to use them for the same effect, similar chemicals, but they're not bath salts. It's not like.

You can go to whole foods, buy bath salts.

I think people were trying, but yeah, the stuff this guy was on was really intense shit. We had this rumor go around New Zealand, which I think you had in America as well. About this other drug you can get high from, called Gencom.

Yeah.

Rob knows.

What is it?

Gencom was a rumor that got out of control, but to the point where people started trying it. Where you essentially ferment your own feces in a bag.

In a bucket and you like, leave it out in the sun and then you suck the fumes out of it, No.

Yeah, that rumor was traveling around at a very similar time to bath salts, because people were like, Oh my God, you can get high off bath salts from the market. Let's do Gencom.

It seems like someone who was on bath salts came up with this idea.

I think a bunch of like news places reported on it, and parents were like, freaking out about their kids.

Yeah, it was just more, it was this panic, absolutely, and none of it was real. No one was ever inhaling any kind of fumes from their own feces. All bullshit. And, of course, once the news reports came out, that's when people actually started trying it.

I can get high, wow, wow, wow.

A couple of other Florida man headlines recently that I like Florida man caught on camera pooping in bushes outside Naples cleaning company.

Oh boy.

And Florida man arrested for assaulting wife with chicken wings.

Oh.

Have you played the Florida Man game? No, you just put your birthday in Google and then Florida Man, oh, and then you get your headline.

Oh, that's fun, let's do it.

So what, December 25?

I'm gonna do, Oh, yours are gonna be fun. It might be Christmas themed.

Florida man, oh.

This is unpleasant.

There's a handful.

Florida man with drugs around penis denies they were his. That's actually my number one hit.

That's good.

June 20th Florida Man Florida man pulls gun at Starbucks over cream cheese.

Oh my god. August 24th.

Another drugged out Florida man gets naked and bites a chunk of human flesh.

Oh, this is very you Monica, Florida man punches elderly victim for holding up the line.

That is me.

Oh, that's really, really special.

Oh, that's great, that's fun, that's a fun game.

There is a piece that I found really interesting, it was from the Miami New Times, explaining why Florida man is a thing.

Okay.

And it's this huge gag. You know, there's a Florida Man Twitter account, which is just the headlines, but this article kind of explains why. It's a thing, and it's actually a positive. One of the things that may be contributing to Florida. Being shamed so often in the national media is something all Floridians should actually be proud of. Since 1909, Florida has a proud tradition that all government business is public business and therefore should be available to the public. So all records, including photos and videos, anything produced by a public agency, open to the public.

Right?

So, yeah, every time a mugshot appears online, that's because the laws make it really easy for journalists to write about all the weird Florida news stories.

Yeah, that is good, they have open records.

Yeah, it's called the Sunshine Law, yeah, the Sunshine Act, yeah, the government, and the Sunshine Act is sort of the informal name. And that's a really positive thing. So you can call the police and they'll be very open about things, as opposed to any other state that are much more cagey. Yes, okay, so the curse is that we all think Florida is full of freaks. People move to Florida because it's hot and it's easy.

Has their version of the Florida man, but yeah.

They're just harder, we just don't hear about it. So, to Florida's credit, it's actually a really good thing that they do. That's true, and that's why we're all laughing at it.

We clap for you, Florida.

And I think Florida laughs at itself. Last fact if you do get attacked, apparently, you're meant to sort of grapple them, legs around them, arms around them, so you roll with them. If you sort of try and punch them when your hand sort of goes in the mouth, then you're completely fucked. You've got to like, like the crocodile Hunter used to do in Australia.

Like wrestle.

Just really wrestle.

But then what?

I'm not saying you should like, try to wrestle, set out to do it.

Right?

Because alligator wrestling used to be a thing, they would do it as entertainment, they don't do it anymore in public, but that used to be a thing.

So if you get your arm, your body around and it's rolling.

You just roll with it and then what, well, hopefully sort of let go and you sort of tire it out. I mean, you'll probably be drowned before that.

Help will come, maybe.

But you don't want to be. You want to be away from the mouth end, like the squirrel, you want to be away from the bitey end. And at the tail end, that's what you ideally want. So there's some advice.

This podcast sure do. Oh, we learn so much. Okay, well, that was great.

Thank you.

The part I heard was great.

Thank you. Am I more American, the same or less?

I think you're more.

Thank you cumulatively, what am I now?

Well, we okay, some Bts. You lied to us completely. The Egg episode is bullshit.

Basically, the controversy goes on.

There's so many people who commented from New Zealand, who said that you do refrigerate your eggs there and that what are you talking about? And we decided that that made you very American, that, in order to prove a point, you'll just say all kinds of.

Bullshit invented some bullshit, yep.

So you're getting up there.

Yeah, and I think my text reaction to both of you was, I'm gonna get my lawyer on you if you defame me in this way by calling me dishonest.

You're suing, you're lying.

Yeah, it turns out, yeah, maybe the Farrier family was more of a pantry kind of outfit.

And that makes sense because you guys were very animal heavy.

We were animal heavy we were.

So this makes sense? Yeah, alright.

I'm at I'd say, 50 American, 40, 30, 20.

You're in the 40 range.

Yes.

Okay, we have a ways to go, though.

Thanks, Monica.

Bye, thanks, Rob.