Denise Huskins: My Kidnapping Story [VIDEO]

are we doing this? Are we not? Eventually, you're exhausted. you decide you're staying together. You're happy.

You're in love. you go to bed and Then imagine, at 3 a.m You're woken up and blinded by a bright white light, laser beams across your body and you hear a taser go off somewhere in the room. a voice you don't recognize tells your boyfriend to lay on his stomach and Commands you to tie him up. You just woke up. you're confused, you're disoriented.

you have absolutely no idea what the fuck is going on. Who are these people, or what are they here? And what do they want?

And the next thing you know, you have blacked out. swim goggles put over your eyes so you can't see anything and Headphones are placed over your ears. You hear wind chimes and a strange recorded voice telling you Someone is gonna take your vitals and give you a sedative to calm you down. Nothing is making sense or adding up. You're struggling to process what is happening.

You're taken out of the room with the man and Suddenly this guy says to you This wasn't meant for you, But loads you into the truck of his car and you are taken away and.

You fall asleep from the sedative and you wake up in a cabin. daddy gang. This is a true story. This is Denise Huskins story and this is the story of a woman who was kidnapped, raped, Survived and then came out to realize that the world thought she had Completely put on an entire hoax, that she made all of this up and did not believe her story. I'm so excited to sit down with her today and talk to her about her experience.

If any of these subject matters could be sensitive to you or triggers, please, Maybe this is when you tune out and I'll see you next week. for those that, if you are gonna stick around and listen, Here is Denise Huskins.

What is up, daddy gang? it is your founding father, Alex Cooper. we call her.

Just my body is just like processing a lot of stress and It's stuff from the past, so like it's. it's really nice to be able to speak and share.

About what happened and and how we've gotten through it, But it also just brings up a lot of deep-seated pain. So yeah.

You know, I mean I spent two days in captivity Believing I would be killed in Complete shock that I'm released. So yeah, it just the exposure. the public exposure is so intertwined with The thought of being killed that it's like really hard for my body to differentiate the two. it's like, okay, I know, I'm safe. I know that and like most of Most of the attention is very positive right now.

So it's very different, But it's still like my body doesn't know the difference.

Yeah, I started working for a couple years and I went to Vallejo, California For physical therapy residency to specialize in working with people who've had severe neurological disorders or Traumatic brain injury, spinal cord injury, stroke. I mean these people and their families were faced with an unexpected, tragic event and are literally like building, trying to rebuild their lives, and so That's what I was doing at the time. I was working with people who were going through their own trauma and trying to help them and Guide them, and that's where I met Aaron, who's now my husband.

But at the same time, After a few months of inconsistency, it was kind of we were at like a crossroads in a relationship, so it's Like I said, like he was going through a difficult time, and it was, you know, if you Look at it from the outside. It's like, oh, don't go there. It's just too messy, but At the same time, like you, don't come across that.

Why am I doing this? This isn't helping me. It's not healthy for me. So he started going to therapy and he and he started Trying to show me that it was me that he wanted to be with and that he wanted to try to make this work. So it was like a lot of back-and-forth And I wasn't gonna go over to his house that night.

I had told him, like like if you want to start over, we can start fresh, You can take me out on a date, Like I don't want to go back there because they had lived together in that house, too. So it's like, you know, I don't, I don't. I just yeah, I need you to like, court me again, but then You know, he's like. I think it'll be a serious conversation. we should, you know, not be in public like talking about it.

and so we It's like, okay, fine. I'll come over. I brought a pizza and Nothing about that night was heated or confrontational at all. It was more Emotional, you know, it was like, okay. Am I willing to forgive him?

Can I believe that he wants to move forward? Can you show me that? And so, yeah, we talked for hours and we got to that place, you know, it was Emotional, but it was sweet, and we we decided okay, Yeah, we're gonna, we're gonna try this out and give it a shot. and when you talk about that night.

and you did. When you look back knowing later that night when you went to bed, your whole life was gonna change. like how do you feel about?

Would you you know if that meant that none of this would have happened? but in the end I'm gonna get emotional. It wouldn't mean that I wouldn't have him in my life and.

He is my person, you know, like. I knew that as soon as I met him and there's just Like, I didn't really believe and I was giving up on the idea of like you're your partner, your other half, like a soulmate. You know, I was 29 and I'm like the shits, not real, like it's, it's just. And I was kind of getting like solidified and lab, like okay, I'm just gonna be independent and focus on my career. and like I'm good, like I don't need that shit.

and Yeah, meeting him. I was like, oh wait, maybe Maybe there's not all douchebags out there. maybe like some genuine, like you know, focused and and he had, like. he had a good family and he was really sweet about his family and He shared similar values and interests. and like we just would hang out for hours and talk and and still, like Ten years later.

We just hang out and talk to each other. It's like what do you talk about? I think that was something the police were like, what do you like? What do you mean? No, you were fighting and he's like, no, we weren't fighting, we were just we were talking, we were listening to each other, we were hearing each other and.

So, I mean I think it's sad that some people may not understand that, But I feel lucky that I've. I've gotten that from him when you went to bed that night.

Can you take me to the moment where you knew?

But then I mean it just, it was relentless and I just suddenly, like my eyes shot open and My back was turned to where the voice was coming from. but I saw a flashing white light on the wall and like three Red laser pointers crossing the walls. and then they disappear over our bodies. And so instantly I knew like holy fuck. There's people here, We're surrounded, They have guns Like this is real.

I mean I The.

Fear, I mean, I. I don't even know if I could ever like accurately describe how horrifying that is and and instantly, knowing like There's people here. They've got things set up, like They're not just coming in to steal a laptop or something. Like this is like what. what is this?

Why, yeah?

Trying to register, you know, you're pulled from like a deep sleep to then. that is just as like. your body has Has to have time to adjust and and then, when you do adjust and you're realizing what it is.

Especially with like guns facing you. I mean, what do you do scream?

What, like, you know, you don't know what these people are here for, what they're capable of. yeah, So we just listened and then the boys just kept talking Also, so it wasn't really like we had time to yeah to do anything else. He just then started saying like But he's having me tie Aaron up and he was gonna put zip ties at the end of the bed, and he backed away and then he was telling me how to tie up Aaron's hands and feet together and.

Yeah, the whole time I'm just like shaking, going like thinking am I gonna do this, right? Am I? you know, I'm just like in my head about it. Like. I hope I don't fuck this up.

I hope that they don't. you know, and, and and as I'm like freaking out internally, The voice keeps talking, saying like you're doing a good job. You are staying calm. It was very like distinct, Almost robotic. It was just so like there were so many little pieces of it.

That was just so hard to even process, because It isn't what you would normally think, right like you watch true crime or horror movies and you see like this, like crazy, passionate violence and realizing that Criminals can be patient and in control.

and planned out was like even more horrifying to.

When did you realize like, oh, They're here to take me, because I'm assuming, like when you're tying Aaron up. Did you think like they're gonna take him?

Well.

What, what did I not think? you know, I thought I mean You woke us up saying this is a robbery. we are not here to hurt you and Repeated that over and over. stay calm. This is a robbery.

and The fact that there wasn't immediate violence, I'm thinking and hoping, And also just to keep myself calm, like, okay, maybe this is just a robbery. So they're planning on clearing out Aaron's belongings and they're gonna have us tied up and They they put headphones over our ears and played pre-recorded messages of instructions and Forced us to take sedatives. and even in that moment, like I hear the other people downstairs, I hear drawers opening, like there's a drill going. So even in that moment, I'm thinking okay, maybe this is just a robbery and they're just making sure they're gonna tie us up and blindfold us and Drug us. so we pass out and they have enough time to get a clean getaway and we'll come to the next morning and Then it's all over.

Okay, fine, whatever like, we'll be safe. But you know, you're still like in the back of your mind, going like, you know, are they gonna torture us? Are they gonna rape me? Are they gonna rape him and me? Are they gonna make us?

Why, like, you know, there's those stories of serial rapists doing. you know, so it's just, but you have to like, also try to Figure out how to stay calm and present, because if, at least for myself, in those moments I'm thinking, if I freak out like and I lose my sanity, then that's gonna Make it riskier for me, because I'm not clear-headed and I'm not, you know, Like I might not pick up on some information that could get me out of this alive. So, like I just need to, I Just yeah, I just need to calm myself down, stay focused, pay attention, listen and and see.

Yeah,

But the night progressively got worse and they separated me from Aaron and then brought me downstairs And.

And then he came in because there was just one man who was speaking, and it's the same man who held me captive.

Yeah, I came in and he said

This wasn't meant for you. this was meant for, and he named Aaron's ex by her first and last name.

And he said we need to figure out what we're gonna do. and I mean, I'm just sitting there going like what, like how, like How is this meant for anybody and what the fuck is this?

And then he comes back in and he says, you know, we're gonna take you for 48 hours, We're gonna put you in the trunk of Aaron's car, Put you into a trunk of another car and Aaron's gonna have to complete some tasks for you to be released.

At that point, the sedatives had already been kicking in I.

Didn't know what was happening upstairs with Aaron, but I was Hopeful that nothing was happening, because I didn't hear any struggle or yelling or anything like that, and I Mean, that's really how they could be successful, right? Like you, use the person against the other, you know, if you mess up, if you do anything, We are going to hurt your partner, the person you love.

so I Think things would perhaps be a little different at what if it was just me, you know. Like, if it's like, I can risk getting hurt. if it's my life, I'm risking, but if I might be hurting someone else, then that changes everything like it's. so.

I remember you talking about the car ride and even though you were on these sedatives, you were kind of like Trying as hard as you could to stay awake, right and like just track, like okay, We turned out of the neighborhood. like, where are we going? Like, how long do you think that lasted in the trunk when they put you in there, that you were trying to just get a Gauge of where you were going?

It was hard to breathe. so, as much as I was trying to pay attention, I was really just trying to not panic, because I was, I felt like I was starting to lose it And I knew it wasn't gonna help me to hyperventilate. and so that's where I was just like, okay, Just focus on this. and at one point he stopped and, like, grabbed my arm. He's like do not scream, do not yell, and I hadn't said anything.

so it was just like confusing and threatening and.

And then he stopped somewhere and puts me in the trunk of another car and it's smaller, but I could breathe easier And starts going and I could tell you it on a freeway. and yeah, I'm thinking like can I like kick out a taillight like some other shit you see in movies? It's like I don't know what kind of car I'm in. I don't know where the tail light is, Like I'm crammed like, you know, what, like. what do I do?

and I think, as I was just kind of like cycling through all of that.

But I knew That it had been Several hours my my whole side of my body was going numb.

And when he opened the trunk, the way that the light was, I could tell it was probably like later morning.

And he was like struggling to get me out of the trunk And I knew we weren't like under a garage because I could see the light. then he like Drops me and then fumbles with me and drags me into darkness and I'm thinking like where the fuck can we be, where? No one is seeing this right now, and I don't hear cars. I don't hear, you know, so I'm thinking we're probably in Either the woods or like a big, more like vacant lot of land or something. So I knew we were Remote.

I could tell it was a like single unit Home, Because there was no noises or plumbing or whatever from anyone else.

Constantly thinking of all Just the horrific things that could happen, like the possible torture like if.

Like. is this what these people do like? is this what they? they're really in it, for, you know Cuz at the time too, I'm like Aaron, like he has some money, but he doesn't have a lot of money. So, like we don't have family members who are public figures, or like political or or anything like, we're just really just ordinary people like like.

I had some money in my mutual funds, but again, it's like Nothing substantial. So it Really? Yeah, I was.

Yeah,

Yeah, it's hard to really think about, because.

You? yeah, you envision just all the possible ways you could be tortured and killed and like.

Am I gonna bleed out slowly? am I gonna be raped by how many of them? how like?

How am I going to be able to face and tolerate any of that? But I think, in that moment to knowing that or thinking like maybe this is why they do this I told myself like I'm Like. they've clearly, Systematically laid it out. where I have no defense possible to me. I'm isolated, bound a sedatives, blindfolded like.

No matter what. even with all of that, I'm still a female like I'm a woman. to a man like I can't outrun a Man, it cannot fight a man like I, you know.

So I told myself like the only thing I can control is how I react and respond. so if, like, this is what gets them off, if this is what motivates them to like, You know, submit a cowering, Screaming woman, and I'm not gonna give that to them. I'm not gonna, I'm. I'm not gonna do that. and if it is my last moment alive, I'm not gonna go out like screaming and crying and horror, Like I'm going to stay calm and focused and be proud of the life I've lived.

Like I'm not gonna give them that they don't get, that they don't get that last moment of my life.

So in a lot of ways throughout it, like there's, you know, you have to almost attach because you can't really be present in like, the horror of the situation and You have to think of all the possibilities that anything can go wrong. So it's like if I scream What's the possibility that they're gonna fight back, like the more time I spent with him to like? Next to him feeling his energy, like, yes, he was polite throughout, like it was a weird. It was a deliberate, like procedural politeness. but, like I could tell, like Bubbling under the surface, was this level of aggression like like, almost like he wanted me to fight back, you know, to so he could then, Yeah, assert his dominance.

and so I just felt like I was. you know, I was just handling the whole situation and him with care and.

Yeah, he would talk to me a lot in captivity and tell me that he Was in the military and had PTSD and couldn't live a normal life. so that's why he's doing something like this, and so I just felt like, okay, like I felt like.

Maybe there's something in his past that's like justifying Him to do this, and so I don't want to alienate him. I don't want to create a situation where it's like You're a crazy monster, you're a bad guy like I just would turn and listen and try to connect with him. and Talked about therapy. I talked about a childhood trauma I.

Just Thought really like. my only defense is to show him the human being in front of him and hope maybe.

Your best possible Social skills in that moment. like you're basically, you never really really get to see him, right? You're mostly blindfolded, Mm-hmm. so you're like you're saying you're literally reading his like Energy of like his breaths and the way, like his tone and how he's speaking. like you're having to just hear These like sensory moments and having to like gauge how to respond.

how did that mentally? Affect you? being like? I have to be kind almost to my captor, Like. did it ever have you questioning, like?

is he not that bad of a guy?

It was a way to try to condition me and, at the same time, like I, had to take gratitude and the fact that I wasn't being tortured, and.

He kept saying like oh, don't worry. We're gonna release you, and I'm like you're gonna kill me, and you know, We're gonna release you. It's like how do I? Trust that? but I had to like connect and have him trust me, because if he gave me a little bit of freedom, a little bit of reward, and I immediately tried to run or scream or fight, then that would show him that he can't and then maybe that would mean he wouldn't trust that he could release me.

so, like part of it was like knowing what the conditioning was, and then also, just like At a certain point, you know, it's like I have to believe that he's not all bad. Like. I have to believe that he's a human being with feelings and that there's some truth to when he says like you don't deserve this and I don't want to dehumanize you, and you know, so it's like I Want to believe that, because I want to believe that I'm gonna get out of it alive.

Before the assault. did he like? warn you? well, I.

And everything was about protocol. like I have to drug you, I have to you know, I have to do this and.

You know, so again, there's like that bit of hope. maybe that's not what this is about, But it's like well, but here you have a woman, a body At your disposal. like you, you, you are in complete control over it. so, like anyone who, inherently Who, decides that a kidnapping for ransom is a good idea, like a good business model, you know, there's Something really dark there, and so it's like what's what's gonna, you know, stop them from from doing that? and Yeah, I like later that first day he came in to say, because it wasn't Meant for me.

They didn't have any information on me. So they were gonna record him having sex with me, and If they thought I was ever gonna go speak to the police, they would release it on the internet.

like fuck it, release it on the internet or.

As much as I'm feeling like the soul sucked out of me and also like, of course, of course this is gonna happen and.

You know, at that point too, it's like I mean, what? what do I say like what? like You put me in the trunk of a car like I, There's nothing I can say that's gonna stop this. and so just okay, like I, and I just laid there and.

I remember thinking because he had said like it's supposed to look consensual or.

Yeah, and it's just like this. there's no fucking way. this looks consensual And I would worried that.

Because of that, knowing, like I mean, I fight to get through it and live through it and survive it, I just I could feel myself fully detached, like I was floating overhead watching all this happen, and I just had, I just Had to detach.

But yeah, I was like this, this this is gonna happen again like I know it. it's gonna happen again and and then the next day he said, you know, the footage wasn't good enough and this time you have to.

You have to seem like you, like it, so we have to kiss and it has to look like we.

Were like in a relationship.

as Far as like. I believe that they set up these things as protocol to.

Make them believe That They weren't as bad as they are. You know, It's like it was that kind of this military sense of like. I have to do this and then I have to do this and I Have to do this. I'm gonna set up this whole situation. It's like but these are all rules that you created, You know, and and so this is all of your doing.

and even when I would say, like, you're gonna kill me, I know you're gonna kill me, and he's like, no, even if, if that's decided by the other people, like where I'm not, I'm not gonna let that happen. I have an escape plan for my family and it's like So you're still here, torturing me for two days and raping me, But you have an escape plan like you don't have like. you have to go through with this like you, but you, I mean at Least, you have like some measure of what you won't do, but it's you know, I just I mean, yeah, I think all of it was.

Ways to make them feel better about Attacking someone like I don't you know, I have to do this. No, you don't. you don't have to fucking do anything.

Because it was very much like a.

Kind of like. go, fuck yourself then, like, fine, you want me to perform. I'll fucking perform.

And Like you're not gonna break me.

And the only way I was able to get through it was to like just picture that it was Aaron that I was with and that like just haunted me, and

Like. I had a call upon something to like. get me through it. Yeah, I mean at that point it was already quite low and And then he came in at one point To show me an article.

With my dad speaking.

I like read the words my dad's like telling me to be strong.

That the family was there. like I couldn't keep reading the sentence I.

Just just Like keeled over it was just crying and he like put his hand on me just like.

Yeah,

and I think he said something like oh, this must be real for you now, and it's like No, like I'm. I can't imagine what my family's going through, because that whole time I'm like, okay, I got to be strong, get through this and, like, I just could not allow myself to think that my family like, knew I was missing or like knew anything like.

Like I knew what was happening to me, but I can only imagine, like this, parents like, what Would be going on in your mind, like wondering.

Yeah,

like. I feel like, especially that moment he showed me that to break me and like.

So I can pissed at him.

Yeah, bro, like I'm, I'm not gonna. yeah, I'm, you're not gonna see me scared.

Yeah, but I, yeah, it's like, uh, it was sadistic and it in a Psychological way when you were sitting.

what would you think about that gave you hope to be like. keep it together? We've got this, my family.

It was a balance of like.

Coming to peace with the end of my life, because I didn't want if that last moment came I.

Didn't want to be surprised and shocked and terrified and have it just, and then that's it Like. I wanted to be solid in the fact that, like I, even if I wasn't 30 yet, like I, still lived a good life and I had a lot to be proud of, and.

Like how lucky you might have the family. I have the friends I have and you know, like I sought out to get my doctorate and be a physical therapist and I.

did that, you know, and I.

But Then I was also just trying to also focus on my future and like, if I get out of this, what's what you know, what's next? and and so then that can motivate me to continue on. and I like called upon anyone and everyone that I could like and you know, like I'm alone and God knows where, and then there's this human over here. It's just Like terrorizing me, but I was just like trying to call upon any energy I could and like it's crazy, like after being released, and like You know, what's sad about it is there was a lot of people when I was in captivity that were praying for me.

And wishing me well, and I felt that you're trying to like.

But there was media coverage. Aaron had gone to the police and It would be. I think he used it was too hot in the Bay Area to Release me, and he also said that he wanted Me to be able to get to family, like I've been through enough.

And he asked where you know where My family lived, and he had my purse, my belongings, and it had my mom's home address on it. so it was like I can't lie and also, do you want to Be able to get to someone? and? and so we agreed on a cross street and he even said like, well, What if your parents aren't? Home, what if?

and? but I've got childhood Friends who live walking distance. I was just like what I had like, just like, let me, okay, Sure, like if you're going to do it, please. Yeah, like. and so we agreed on a cross roads That was like a half a mile from my mom's, and I mean even on the drive down, like.

he gave me a higher sedative and I was passed out for like the nine-hour drive, but.

Still wasn't sure if what he was saying was just and to try to Appease me and help make sure that I comply, and and so when he woke me up and said we're here.

Like I just, you know, he said he was in an alley out of you from the street, and when he drove off, Like, I still wasn't sure if I was actually Where he said I was, until I stepped out and saw The name of the street. I'm home.

But you can't say two things you can't say anything about any of us being in the military or Anything about us having sex. his words, um.

And you know, we know where your family live, like we, Like we monitor victims for years, based on everything that he had done and said so far, Like, yeah, I believe that he, they would be watching me. They would be monitoring me. And so, Although physically free, I felt like I was going to be confined and restrained by.

like you're kind of beholden, because, again, you're now aware of what this person and these people are capable of, and so Surviving this awful, traumatic experience should have been the end of it for you. You get out and you have a complete new set of problems once you're released from your captor. When did you start to realize that the police and media Didn't believe anything that you were about to tell them?

there's people, dogs barking. It was like this, and they're like, oh, yeah, it's a, it's a media storm out there, And i'm just like I. I mean I thought like maybe.

There was like a local Report from like what he showed me in captivity. Like, I had no clue like that. It was aired, you know, all over and and when i'm speaking to the police, I one moment I see him holding a recording device by his side and he didn't tell me he was recording. and that was like a like. that felt threatening and I had Told the officers too.

like, I'm afraid of them coming back. I'm afraid of what I say here is going to be leaked to the media and they'll find out and.

It was just like a really horribly conflicted Position to be in, because I didn't want to lie, But then i'm like I. if I speak to them, the chances are I might have to, and So I don't want to do something.

That can maybe save me, but hurt my family later on and um.

Um, I was also. I remember there was Waiting like they. oh, they said they needed to talk to the vallejo police. so we're gonna get a hold of them, we're gonna get a hold of them. and time was going on and like, Just something didn't feel right.

And then, when they finally did get connected with the lead vallejo detective. He had said That he was going to be offering a proffer of agreement, Which is basically immunity, and i'm just like Immunity from what i'm a victim of a crime like I don't. And it made it all more terrifying because of how the whole kidnapping went Like how arrogant my captor was. he was like, yeah, there's media, but like it's okay, It's gonna be good pr for our group. It shows us this shows you know people that they can hire us and we are not gonna like overreact and kill the victim.

and it's just like. and and Even his threats of like, we'll know what you say, Like we'll always be watching. and I was just like, oh my god. Is this phase two of the kidnapping like is like why Are the police behaving this way like I had family talking to the lead detective, and they're like. he's angry, he's yelling, he's cussing, like They want you to come up and make a statement.

There's an fbi plane here and and my family have a couple family members Who are attorneys and they're like no, like. we need a criminal defense attorney like no more statements We like. and and the fact that, like people were shocked That I got an attorney, Especially the detectives themselves. It's like you offered me a legal agreement And I don't know what the fuck that is. I don't know what that means.

I don't know what my rights are like. I don't know anything like i'm Like, how do you expect me to navigate this like so?

don't you want me to? don't you want to go? catch the guy? then right, and that's why I just felt like.

like who? who do you go to so?

Called 9-1-1 and Went to the police station and told them what happened, and they immediately Said he was a murderer and that yeah, like they're gonna gonna find my dead body. Like i'm looking for a dead denise, not alive denise. You killed her. You know either. you could be a cold, calculated monster.

You can admit. you made a mistake, and he just endured 18 hours of interrogation because he thought I can't admit to something I didn't do. and if I Push back and get an attorney, I'm gonna alienate them and, like my main focus is them finding her. So we just thought like if I endure a little more, a little more, They're gonna see the truth and they'll try to find her. and then I Was forced to record a proof of life in captivity.

So the next day, when that was sent, then they immediately went from, like you guys were fighting, so you murdered her to. Then I made this up to get back at him. But then, when i'm released, it's the both of us in on it together.

To.

Get famous, I don't like to like. someone had a theory about like wanting to be like reality tv or like. I don't fucking know. and so Aaron's brother is an fbi agent and he's like just that. like she, I had worked in la right before moving up to vallejo.

he's like, so she. She moved from la to try to like pursue her, you know her fame In vallejo, california, like what the like it? just none of it, None of it made sense.

my life was just taken away from me and I still was fucking terrified that, like, They were going to come back and kill me. And so i'm like. do I speak to them? Do I not, like I finally do? and then the next two days is being interrogated by not just the vallejo police But also the fbi.

I had to go in for a SART exam and my criminal defense attorney is telling me like, look, like it's. It's really grueling. It's like a four hour long thing. Like they're gonna like, strip you down. They take pictures of you.

they, You know, examine you internally and i'm like, okay, like, how bad can it be until like i'm fucking there? I mean, it's like the last Humiliating, like Thing that you could go through like so soon after your body being attacked and violated, but it's like okay, like i've got to do my Duty, you know, like. I gotta make sure that this doesn't happen to another woman, another person.

And then all of that, it was just like Used against me. And remember the second day before I was going in for questioning with the fbi, my attorney said Like, they're calling you gone, girl, and i'm like, Well, what does that mean? Is that a bad thing? Like, I don't. I didn't read the book.

I didn't. I didn't see the movie, I didn't know what I like. I heard about it, but like like, is that bad? It's like. okay, like, we're gonna go in for questioning, you know, And it's just.

and then I think, like I watched one nancy grace, uh, Clip. and it's like I can't. I can't fucking watch a thing.

Awful Headspace that people even feel comfortable to ask a question to a woman that's already been violated, Like why don't? basically, why don't I want to get violated again? Is that what you're asking me? And it's, and it's so frustrating in history. we've seen so many people but she didn't get the rape kit because it didn't happen.

and it's like. It's so small-minded, and it's also just such from a male perspective, And I know you were dealing with a lot of men in this case that were looking at you, Wondering why you didn't act a certain way. I mean I wrote down. people were claiming you weren't believable because you acted too calm, You didn't seem physically injured enough And you weren't sad enough. How did that make you feel?

I mean even the questioning like the fbi agent asked like, did you scream like no, Why? Oh, well, I was woken from a dead sleep. There was multiple people there, like I didn't, and I think he even asked like, did you think about screaming like somebody asked me that? I remember saying like Well, I thought about it. Yeah, I thought I thought about all all the things, all the things I could possibly do.

are you fucking kidding me? like Every second i'm trying to like, solve the math problem in my head, Like, what's the probability of me screaming to get me out alive? Nope. Okay. Like.

what about me fighting? I'm drugged. Nope. Okay. Can I run?

I don't know where i'm at. No, like, you know, like it's just also like what defense do I have? I have my Ability to connect with human beings. So, okay, like, that's my best defense right now, and it got me out alive. so, like, fuck all of them for their stupid shit.

and you know what, like. just What's crazy about it too, is like they're trained to know better. so, like aaron's brother's, an fbi agent, he's also, um, in the army, i've had a Friend's husband who's a marine? They're like they teach us, if you are ever kidnapped or taken hostage, That you build a report like you. you figure out how to survive, you get food, water, And you build a report to get yourself out like what you did is what we're trained to do.

Like I don't want to be like sexist or like put people in a box of like, you know, because they're dudes. they don't get it, but like Something isn't clicking and it's not carrying over, like I know that they get training that not all victims act the same.

But they don't treat victims that way. so it's just like what what has to happen. and then There's a female detective who is the one that, like, looked Outside of the box and saw the whole picture and said, nope. There's another victim out there, I gotta find her, and she's the one that, like, saved us and saved our lives. and so it's just.

You know, and you hear of other cases where it's like the female detective who is linking, and so it's like. I mean, I think More women in general in the environment with them and like, if they actually listen and heard them, would be helpful.

Why didn't you scream? every woman in the room would be like duh, like. of course you didn't scream, but it's like because men are so privileged in those type of moments to just use their like Brute force, like we don't. we can't rely on that. and so it's just heartening to hear you're staring at all these men being like What do you mean?

Did I scream? like? of course? I didn't scream, and they're like why, as if you're guilty for something, you're lying. You must be lying.

And and that's what a lot of women have to do, and it is like really infuriating that it's like the stain age. Why don't like? we should know better? We know better.

And again, men are just like, huh?

it happened.

When you go through a traumatic event.

You want to call upon your community, Like the people in your life, Other humans, to help get you through it, to help give you strength and support, Like you were trained your whole life. call 9-1-1. if something bad happens, call 9-1-1 and they'll help. and they only made it worse. and by their public statements, like people saw my name and saw my face and they thought gone, girl, liar, hoaxer, fraud, you know, and Like, how can I work again, like, you know, like, how can I Put my hands on another human and have them like, trust me, with their well-being?

They think i'm some con artist and so, like everything I worked for, everything That meant something to me was taken from me. And so it It was. yeah, it was devastating, like, and it just was the constant.

Like i'm not performing well enough for any of you, like from captivity and assaults, and then you know You're not emotional enough, you're not. I mean, even though I was sitting there, like with my head in my hands, sobbing to these officers, Like somehow that's not emotional enough. Like i'm drugged, but like I just uh Yeah, I mean everything.

Even like things that my family told the police like oh she, she runs half marathons and she, she's a fighter and she's strong. And they they use that against me, like, oh, you're, you're strong, like like well, I mean i'm.

Listen to me, and no one believes you like. I cannot imagine this psychological Warfare that must have put you in a spiral of like. how did it affect the during that time? You're like day-to-day life, like did friends turn on you?

You know, because you, uh, you can hear and see, like how things can get twisted with Family, or, you know, like the possibilities of that, but like both of our families unconditionally, like, Embraced us and each other, and, and he hadn't met most of my family yet, you know. So it's like hi, sir. I'm dating your daughter, like, you know, like it's, uh, like nice to meet you Under these circumstances, it was just all so crazy. Um.

But you know the little bit of stuff I looked on on social media, the Facebook, and, like some people who had originally like oh, you know, she's missing, and then they would post articles, You know, highlighting, gone, girl and going. I don't get it and kind of like, jumped into that hole, That whole thing, and and that was Another thing that was really devastating because it's like, okay, maybe like this, you know, officer.

misogynistic and stupid thinks i'm gone, girl, but like Someone who knows me, you know. and then you think back to all the things that you've done in your life and you're like have I given people an excuse to think that i'm this horrible person? and so there's like a lot of self-blame and, uh, like the loss of self and identity. um Yeah, I mean it's people you know. go out and give their opinion and Their hate thinking like well, i'm allowed to, i'm justified to.

it's just words like it's it. It causes a lot, a lot of trauma, a lot of trauma, and it's like you're, you're no better. Just because you're not hitting someone doesn't mean that you're not causing severe damage until he was like.

There's a lot of inconsistencies in your story and essentially, I don't believe you. and he told my attorney he's 99. Sure, I was lying and that my attorney should watch gone girl. It was just kind of like. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know What Like there's like I. all I had was the truth, Aaron, same thing. all we did was just give them, Give them the truth, and it was just like. I mean how.

it's like you're hitting your head against the wall, like You're in a twilight zone. I mean.

Women have to work so fucking hard to be believed.

Easy for people to think that women.

Like are attention-seeking and overly dramatic and Um Conniving. I, I mean it's really sad, like it, Like even the responses from other women that I got was like wow, like, do you view yourself this way? This is how you see women. this is really Disturbing. but I mean, I think a lot Is set up and and society, and I mean still, even now, with the netflix series out and Like the truth out, people still criticize aaron and I, not emoting enough and not being.

Believable, or just being like vanilla, or I mean you name it. Well, also like.

That can take like a lifetime to like Completely repair and re-engage and like get yourself back to a place that you can even like.

Go on with your day-to-day life and not like every day. i'm sure you think about this every single day. This is with you for the rest of your life. Yeah, like, there's parts that you have to compartmentalize so you can survive, so that you can be with your children, so that you can smile, and it's like You're so right. It's like if they cry too much, then like they're performing, if you don't cry enough, Then you're soulless and it's like there is no Right answer.

and the fucked up thing is all. the judgment is coming from people who have never Experienced it. How the fuck do you know how you would respond in this situation? Well, and that's where.

and when I watched it, I was like it actually Released a lot of that self-blame, because I was like It didn't matter what I did. I mean you're damned. if you do, you're damned if you don't. it didn't matter like they believed what they believed, and whatever I did or said was only going to fit that box, and so I was able to kind of release myself from it. Like, this wasn't about me, Like, that's not.

it's not me. It's it's their view of someone, of women, of whoever, but it's.

what like? how did? yeah, someone just died, like. can we go find the person that, like I'm having threesomes with my roommate? like?

this is not, And people love to for, especially for women. there's like this narrative. you're right that it's like they want us to Play into this role, and I think why it's hard to believe us is because people don't want to, because it will completely disrupt the societal norms of like men dictate. women are like Emotional and erratic and dramatic, and that's how everyone wants to be. because if we actually start listening to women And we start taking what they're saying at face value, What is that going to do to the people that run the entire fucking country?

Because when we found

Out about it, he got caught for attacking another family.

And then We were reading in the fbi affidavit that There were calls that were placed the first night I was in captivity, that the police could have Traced back to the location. I was in captivity And they could have saved me. And even if, for whatever delay, they Couldn't have saved me and I was still released They could have explored that And caught him and instead they were just so focused on being right That another family was attacked.

And it took a detective female detective misty to To Look beyond her case. She noticed there was a blonde hair on goggles and her victims all had dark hair, and so she thought there's more to this and even that like, She came up with a lot of resistance, trying to pursue that beyond the case that was in front of her, and so it's just like.

I mean i'm glad, like she's our hero and we're fortunate to have our life back And for people to know the truth, but it's just like so frustrating because at what cost, you know. and And even after that, like there's no accountability. There's no real like. sorry. We did this.

We're gonna make sure We'll never do it again, you know, so it's just Like it's just one disappointment, didn't the male officers literally get promoted. Yeah, the lead detective cut officer of the year. It's like that year and we named him in a civil lawsuit too. like that year. he like messes up their, like the you know, the most publicized case they've had in a while get named in a lawsuit, but they, like I have to stroke his ego so much to to give him officer of the year.

Let's work together and, and, And really what? what's our common goal like? let's just all help each other and be there for each other.

Times. just both aaron and I like question our own sanity, like did this really happen? Am I, Am I who I believe I am, or am I this horrible person that no one can believe it, you know, and so like. I think sometimes it's human nature.

To to like blame yourself, because the only thing you can control is yourself. So if it's your fault, maybe.

Maybe then you could protect yourself better later on, and so it's kind of hard to actually just.

Yeah, release yourself from that and go just it. it's not my fault and I did the best I can and i'm not gonna Let anyone gaslight me. and like I mean, even with the assaults for me, like I, Like, had this View, like it's not all that bad. It wasn't that bad. And the fbi affidavit, it said there was no signs of non-consensual sex.

So it was just like Like, time and time again, like it wasn't that bad. You, she came up unharmed, Unscathed, like all these things that just cut away, like devaluing How I felt and what I went through. and so, Yeah, I think just like the biggest thing is just to believe in yourself, like never give up on yourself. That can be really hard sometimes, you know.

Been trying and like what has the process been to? like reclaim your relationship to your body after this.

Yeah,

We've gone through therapy like aaron. i've gone to couples therapy, uh, individual therapy and Um.

You know, try to work on like moments of gratitude and and being present in the moment and appreciating, Just like life in general and all the little moments in life. Um, And i've had body work done and tried meditation and, and You know, just even like working out boxing, like different ways to like, feel empowered and strong, um speaking, um kind of taking the narrative back and Has been helpful, and even just like journaling. it was helpful. um, You know, but it's, yeah, it's still like just it's, there's a lot of deep pain, so, like I, I am exploring more therapy now, and I think just kind of admitting to myself ourselves Times when it's like, okay, like we need to to refocus, and um. And so i'm, i'm looking into emdr because I hear great things about it.

so like that, hoping that that can help some of that, just Because there's like a disconnect, you know, like from logically, What I know versus like what my body feels and processes, and so I just need to find a way to.

on the other hand. I'm sure people would be like You're each a living reminder of the trauma. like was there ever a moment? You weren't sure you were going to stay together. Like how did you decide?

and, um, Yeah, and, and I think too, just like Having good communication and admitting like okay, This isn't working right now, like something needs to change and being able to have the space to to have those conversations. because, um, yeah, there's. Yeah, there's just different things that can come up.

And then the um Speaking out publicly, like when I when we released the book, and Even just now with the netflix series. It's like I keep thinking i'm, i'm At a better place. I know i'm at a better place, but it Again, like the public, shaming, Mixed with thinking that I was going to be killed. It just brings all of that up. And so, yeah, the hyper vigilance, and like thinking and imagining all all the things that could happen, is.

Uh, distracting, yeah.

It's terrifying to just have children in general, because all you want to do is protect them. On top of that, you're dealing with something. That is an extraordinary trauma. Like, have you guys talked about how you will Explain this to your children?

People think it is, you know, there's um power and strength and and patience and and Yeah, you don't have to be aggressive and instantly react to be powerful and strong. Um, But you know, I mean, i'm sure i'm gonna get them in, like martial arts and all sorts of stuff too, you know, like, but I mean, I think it's just good to like, Like mechanically, you know the pt nerd in me. Um, it's just. you know. physically, that's a good idea, but um, yeah, you know.

We know we're told to be silent. We know all of this. We've lived it. We, we, like you said, we grow up watching it in art and movies and books everywhere. It's like there's this Romanticizing when a woman is weak and doesn't stand up for herself, and when a woman does stand up for herself, You're demonized and you're a bitch and you're loud and you're obnoxious.

and if a man did the same thing, it just wouldn't be, It wouldn't be taken the same way. And so it's like How I appreciate Aside from the work you're also doing in law enforcement right now, Also, just for women like this is a really important conversation That you're someone that came forward and should have been, you should have been believed and you went through something Horrific and sadly, like a lot of the themes a lot of women listening have probably gone through, Like one in three women is assaulted. It's like these are things of us just constantly, like you said, when he's going away to jail and he'll be released when he's 70. It's like, you know, it's a power dynamic. It's like men getting off on, making us feel small, making us feel weak.

How do we, as women, just start to like fucking support each other a little bit more and believing each other? Because they're not going to believe us? because it threatens everything in society. If we start to rise up and we start to be considered equal, then everything's going to fucking flip on its head. So, how do we at least have a little bit more?

Of unity with each other to be like? I see you, i've been there and.

It was very in detail and I got to see a picture of it. but speaking and being able to like look you in the eyes and like seeing how this is affecting you day to day, like, yeah, I pray to god that This conversation and what you're doing out there can, like, help the next woman that goes through this, and then everyone's like, No, we believe her and we see her, and this is going to make a difference. So thank you so much for coming.