Stop Having Average Sex (ft. Laren & John Mayer) [VIDEO]

Hello Daddy gang, before you watch this episode, I need to do a quick little disclaimer you need to watch this episode. This is not one of the episodes that you should be driving in your car and listening to this format is a visual experience.

Got me a custom robe.

With little eye mask. How fucking cute is this? Oh my god, look at this bathroom. what? oh, I could sleep in here. Is this bigger than your first New York apartment?

Dude, I'm dying.

They photoshopped the four seasons Hotel Chicago as Like a Call Her Daddy episode, Lauren's gonna Freak out, Lauren is coming with this suitcase. She was like, I'm doing a staycation. Uh, this is a fucking staycation.

This is.

Wow, okay, so we can podcast here, we can podcast here.

Okay, I got to the front desk and they were like, Hi, Lauren, how are you like living in Chicago?

They're like, enjoy your staycation, and they set up a little stage. This is so cute.

In one bedroom, which I was dying, I'm like, Oh, this is. The one issue is we we want to sleep in the same room. Yeah, not only do we like to sleep in the same room, we want to sleep in the same bed.

Oh my God, and then look at this, Oh my God, I thought, Is this there's like a peloton?

Shout out to Zoe and Elizabeth at the four seasons. I love you, thank you so much. This is gonna help so much with this episode. This kicked off the whole weekend on a different level. But now, like, this is, oh my God, someone that works with me.

If.

Say it.

If I wanted to come to Chicago, yes.

If I got you a flight on Friday, would you come to the concert with us? Of course, we want you to come. I'm like, I literally was sitting here, I'm like, it's not right that you're not here.

I would love to thank you. Oh my god, yes, that would be so fun. Thank you so much, of course.

Of course, I was like, Jordan, it doesn't feel right that you're not here and you're not gonna come. Wait, I'm freaking out. Yeah, it'll be so fun. No, I thank you so much Jordan for, like, handling all this. Oh, Lauren's here.

Like, you want me to come to Chicago?

It's time to vodka, all right, I'm ready. Oh, glare. put some pants on. Oh, because we're gonna be sitting.

Tight and secure.

Tight and secure, a nipple may pop, but like, it's not like you haven't seen before. I was like, looking at Erin, like, Erin's okay.

Here we go every time we travel together, there has to be robes, all right, let's podcast.

Oh my God, I'm like, kind of like, nervous, excited. Okay, daddy gang, welcome to the Chicago episode. I am accompanied by my best, best best friend, Laryn Laryn. Her name is Laryn. we call her Laryn.

Ah, cold coffee, nothing better, it's so cold.

I wanted to act like it was still warm, like.

Um, welcome to our episode. I'm so fucking happy to have you here. Laryn is back. I'm back. Why did I just call you Laryn?

Yeah, my mom was so southern, and when I was in second grade, we moved from Texas to Pennsylvania. And she had a wild accent. And we'd be on the soccer field and she'd be like.

I'd be like Mrs McMullin, just constantly screaming like Laryn, and then to me, she'd be like Alex, like it was a lot of like I. Everyone loved her accent, still to this day, she still has it.

Second grade, So what, you're seven, so 21 years?

Oh my god, that's probably my one of my longest friendships. We've been best friends for 21 years. Yeah, we have this bond. I feel like that is so much stronger than just like a friendship that you see. Because it's like, there's so many layers to what we've been through together.

And it's like, one thing to, like, meet a friend at some point in your life and be like, this is my history. It's like, oh, like, you've lived my whole history with me, and like, not even from a distance. Like our families were like intertwined in it. Fast forward here.

We are now and it's so crazy to say like you then were, just like at my engagement, Oh, I'm not wearing my ring. Also, just to clarify, because it's over, it's.

And it's so my days on the streets are over. I'm calm, I'm chill. You're gonna see a different side of me in this episode.

Please explain, how long have you been in this relationship?

Tell us all the tea. We have been together a little bit over a year now. Um, like, I thought I was a pretty happy person and like, I didn't know it was like, possible to be like this happy?

Oh my God, and your cheeks are like, red and rosy. You're so okay. Tell us how you guys met. We met, um.

On a New Year's Eve trip, I was going with a girlfriend, he was going with one of his guy friends and they had a house in Tahoe. And the first night I get there and he wears glasses and his room was where, like, the laundry was, and I had to go in. And like, it's like one in the morning. And he's like, sitting on his bed, like, doesn't have glasses on, and I walk in the room to, like, put laundry in. And he's like, hi, like, can't really see me because he didn't have glasses on. And I was like, Hi, I'm Lauren and he can't see me, so I'm just a blob in his mind.

I texted you that first night, like, there is someone so hot on this trip. Like, and at the time, you were like, still single? You were like, I'm just gonna go for it. And then you sent a picture because the next day someone took a photo of you guys and you were near each other. I'm like, he's so fucking tall, he's so cute.

Well, I played the slow game, obviously.

And obviously, no, not, obviously. Lauren from your track record, it's like, not slow game. Yeah, you're right.

So you, you did play the slow game because we were there for a full week. And I was like, you know, like, I gotta do some slow build up. Like, I don't want to just like hook up on the first night and like, I gotta slowly drop hints. Um, so he says he didn't even know I was into him until, like, the last night with New Year's Eve. Um, and we were at a bar, New Year's Eve. And he went to kiss me at midnight and I literally swerved him, I was like.

I just got nervous, Wait, what?

I love how the first night you're texting me like, I'm gonna hook up with this person. Four days goes by New Year's Eve. Like, I'm working it, playing the long game, like dropping it, laying my moves and then we. And the time came like froze. And so you swerve him and then like, What did you say?

I don't, I think I was just like, weird and awkward and but then, like an hour later, I got a little more liquid courage. And then I was just like, grabbed his head and was like, that is. And everyone on the trip was like, Yes.

Dude, that's also so you of like, being like, I'm gonna do it, and then like, lightly in the moment, being like, should I be doing this? Like overthinking it? And then like, on your terms, going right back in an hour later, okay, so then that was in Tahoe, and then you realized you both live in Chicago.

I had been meeting a lot of people, um, like they lived in California, they lived in New York, and I was like, Well, this like, can't be anything. And I had only been single for a year at that point for my seven-year relationship. And like, in my mind, I, like, still wanted, like I wasn't really done being single yet. It's like, when I met him, I was like, Oh, like, that was a fun hook up in Tahoe, like he's a nice guy. And then we realized we live in walking distance to each other.

I do remember that where you're like, it will be nice because I'll have like a hookup buddy that's like close by and like, I don't have to Uber. Yeah, yeah, Lauren's thinking so logistically, and I'm like, that's great, and I will say Lauren and I most of our lives in terms of relationships.

Especially if, like, you're living together and like, if you're single and you're in a relationship. Like, a fun night out for a single person is probably like, how can we, like, go meet as many guys as possible? And for a person who's starting a serious relationship, it's like, oh, like, I want to, like, go enjoy, like, a nice dinner with you and then go home to my partner.

Yeah, and so we were like, on such different pages in L.A. and we made it work for sure. But it was, I think it was just so. We were so aware that, like, whoa, we're in such different places. But now you're in a healthy relationship and you brought your boyfriend to the engagement party. And I was nervous though, because I like, I didn't know if that was like.

A weird move to, like, no, bring your boyfriend to someone's and because you never met him.

That was the crazy part is she's been dating him for a year. We've facetimed, yeah, we facetimed and like, lightly spoken. But like, you live in Chicago, like, and I've, every time you come out to L.A. you've been alone. So I've never met your boyfriend. And so the best part I think about that whole situation was how well we got along, like me and your boyfriend, and then how well.

Our boyfriends got along, I know. After the trip, I was asking my boyfriend. I was like, Oh, like, what was like your favorite moment of the weekend? And he was like, I gotta say it was smoking that cigar with Matt.

And then simultaneously, I'm in bed with Matt and I'm like, Oh my God, like, what did you think of Lauren's new boyfriend? I like him so much, like we had such a great conversation and like he's really someone that you can, like, get deep with and talk about like everything. Like. I felt like I knew him for so long, like he's a great guy, like we should totally do couples trips.

I was gonna say, like, that's like the thing that's like now we're in like, different pages, different pages. But now we're finally like, synced up. Our cycles are matched up and we can go on couple things now.

Because I remember, like, almost like a year, like a little less than a year ago. I'd been like, maybe we'll do couples trips, but like, I was like, I don't know. Like, what if Matt and your boyfriend don't get along? Or like, not that they don't get?

Along. But like, it's always like a little nerve-wracking when, like, we get like, it almost be like a disappointment. Like, yeah, man, like, I guess it's just like some people like, just don't vibe totally. And like, we get along so well. And it's so easy that it's just like the anticipation, like, oh, like, they're great, like, I hope it works. But I will say like it was a different feeling for me. Bringing this boyfriend to like a setting where it's like, okay, engagement, like, you know, like, be self-aware, yes, and be social, be social.

I looked around and he was completely by himself, like Lauren's boyfriend. Was like talking to my parents, like talking to our friends, talking to Matt, talking to Matt's family. I was like he can fully hold his own in a room, which I think you've needed, because prior, it was like your partner was nervous because.

If I would have brought my ex to your engagement?

My ex would have been the drunkest person at the party and you were constantly, like, on alert in social settings.

Like, I was like, compensating and like, to the point where I was like, you know, I think I might not be being invited to certain things because like of your partner at the time, which I think is.

Also, a huge part is like, if anyone's listening. If you have a weird gut feeling. Every time you bring your partner around people and like, you're constantly like being super like, Oh my god.

Like, I can't leave their side or like, over compensating and like, like, you have to follow up. Conversations like, Oh, I'm sorry. Like he didn't mean that, or like, I don't know why he said that, or like, bad, yeah, like that, red flag, red flag. Your partner like that should be like an early test, like throw him into your friends and see how he fends. And vibes like those are people who have, like, stood the test of time and like, care about you.

And there's something different to be said of, like, if your partner's an introvert, that's okay. Well, like they were a little awkward or whatever, but there's a difference between that. And then someone actually genuinely making you uncomfortable with, like the actions. And like, everyone's gonna have a weird night. Yeah, we're like, maybe they get too drunk or they say something stupid, but like, if it's a consistent thing. I feel like that's something that you and I both experience of a partner that's like embarrassing us, or we're feeling so uncomfortable to go out with. And I feel like this was the first time where I was so happy. Like I was like beaming, watching your boyfriend, like walking around and watching you work one side of the room, him be on the other side. And I was like, fucking.

I think that's something to get into because.

No, but actually you were like, in your therapy, like I've never seen, yeah.

And then I had, like, I can legitimately say like, I have never been in a healthy relationship in a lot of ways before this one. And like, getting into a really serious relationship. Where, like, you're not doing the bullshit and like, it's real, and like, you're trying to, like, make things seriously work. You learn a lot about yourself really, really fast, and you learn all the flaws. And the shit and the baggage that you're bringing to the table that you can probably hide when it's like, just you and your own and you're alone. But yeah, I'm like, learning a lot about myself and I'm really.

How's your life? It's fucking amazing. I will say, Is sex better when you're engaged? I will say our sex has been insane, but enough about me and my engagement and you and your relationship.

Oh, I'm giving you the Chicago experience this weekend, like you don't even know what we got planned.

I don't understand. Let's go get dressed and let's go get pizza.

I.

I'm really quite amazed.

How much the four seasons? Just like, Loves You. It never gets old, even as much as I get to now, like, do like, luxurious, glamorous shit like this. Now I still feel like when we were like young and like, it still doesn't, like, hit me that. It's like, this is my life.

I've lived here for two years and I've truly only had deep dish like three times. One of them being with you, it's very filling. I think we both have a soft spot in our hearts for New York style. Like the crazier the better, okay now?

We're filming.

Wait a second.

Oh my god, Chicago daddy gang is like no other daddy, so this area right in front of us, I'm like.

95 Sure, this is called Viagra Triangle, the Viagra Triangle. If I happen, remember correctly. It's because there's a lot of old men in this area who like to get jiggy with it. If you need a little extra help, wait, what are you making?

Oh, I don't have to know the words like any song.

Pushing, farting in the friend zone.

We talking when you walk away, so what are we doing tonight? So tonight?

We are doing a two-person bar crawl. I have a car and the car and driver is going to take us to 15 bars that I have planned 15. We'll see how far we make it. I wanted us to have options, yes.

Hammered When Lauren and I get drunk together, how would you describe it? Unhinge?

Do you want a drink?

Yes.

Okay, you're gonna stay here. I'm gonna thanks Kate, you inspired me. I'm gonna go have my confessional moment and play bartender. I'll be back with two drinks.

Welcome to my.

Laboratory confessional. My goal for the night is quite simply to get Alex Cooper fucked up. I want to bring her back to the days when we were living in New York City before.

It's like, I'm ready.

I just have to time it right because she needs to be not sober and where she's gonna be. Like, this is actually disgusting, but not drunk enough. I'm gonna like, have her throw up and in the night, yeah. So it's all about timing.

Oh my God, cheers. I don't know if you've gotten to this point in your relationship yet. But back, I would say, like a couple months, no, like, almost like a year ago. I wanted to fucking kill Matt when we would sleep because he's a cuddler, right?

Um, I wouldn't say it's routine, I'd say it's more of a battlefield.

Lauren just said she gets the ick at bedtime.

Yeah, I'll, I'll chop that up to me.

Dude, it's a battle a few, few, few trips ago.

When we were in the Hamptons, we woke up and your pants are off and I was like, Alex, why are your pants off? And then you pulled the blanket down and you were sleeping on a towel. I'm like, Alex.

Why are you sleeping on a towel? I forgot.

There was thunder and she got scared and she peed the bed.

While I was in the bed with her.

That is not the whole story. What is this?

I heard.

I heard a really fucking scary noise, thunder, and like, we were in the middle of fucking nowhere. And if you've ever been to the Hamptons, you fucking know there's no cell service. And we had had a really weird experience with this Uber driver, where I was like, Oh, we're dead, like we're dying tonight. So then my mind was that because the Uber driver dropped us off at our home, he knew where we lived. And so every creak and crawl that I heard that night, I knew our Uber driver was just coming up the deck and barging in to which? Then I heard the thunder, and before I registered it as Thunder, you peed the bed.

Oh.

HR.

What do you do in a fit chat? You go like this?

Hi guys, my name is Alex, I'm from Pennsylvania, I'm 28 and this is what I'm carrying out to the bar tonight. All aboard.

I am not sober and I'm not supposed to be out here. Let me take a 10 second.

This kind of is like where we're gonna start tonight.

We now are excited to go back and we know the manager because he drove us home last time.

It's like a little murky. Why that ended up happening. The balancer also ended up just like, Shout out, Mark G.

Oh my god.

Where do we pee?

Is this our first bar?

This is our first bar. What? Hi, it's Alex, Um, excuse me.

Get out of my confessional.

Um, I'm over here, bye, Ben.

Potatoes.

We know my mission earlier was.

The potatoes in Idaho are.

We met Ben two years ago and we told a little story in the car on the way here about a man who drove us home. When we were wearing shingards. That's this man, Yeah, do you still have the shingards? I kept those shingards.

They're in a case you sold them on eBay, I encased them. No, I did not.

I did not.

Absolutely not. Yeah, you covered the stain.

No, don't cover the stain.

It's proving.

He was first good thinking.

Fuck me first, and then let's talk, let's go. I need to film this because this is honestly iconic shit.

This means you were.

You were episode one, two, three back in 2018.

Okay, introduce yourself and tell us your name. I'm Lindsey, I'm from Chicago and I am dedicated.

I have a list of questions. If you could interview anyone next week, who would it be?

Jennifer Coolidge Done. Oh, I'm going to fucking bite your little cock off, I'm going to fucking swim in that little Wiener hole.

What's your most memorable daddy gang interaction?

I would say the time that a daddy gang member brought me a dildo and then I used it 30 minutes later.

What's something that currently makes you cringe on the internet?

Probably whatever the fuck I just did at that last bar.

What the fuck did I just say?

What?

Great question.

What's something you have never done in the bedroom that you'd be open to trying?

I would say, I would say, but I recently just did it.

What?

Two weeks ago.

No, no, no, you're a drink. Do you think you've let anyone down in your life recently?

Nana, I know you're dead, but.

This is an alert shot that I got for you.

What are they selling?

Give me, give me, give me a man at the midnight.

Lauren What, what, what?

It's really hard to be cool.

What's the final result? Who's Drunker? Ah, who the fuck do you think?

When you see a diamond, it shines so bright.

Hello, hey, wait, wait, I'm trying to help that bitch out.

Twelve, seventeen.

Ah, I fucking love that shit.

It's live.

It's live, it's live. Is my hair crazy?

It's so nice outside, I think I should put clothes on.

Dude, I feel like I got hit by a bus. Oh my god, this is how, you know, I was so fucked up because when I get drunk, I get so confident. I went on, that horse, started riding it like I was fucking a penis. I literally got up on the horse. And everyone was like, I don't know if you want to do that, Alex, and I was like, I think I want to do that.

Did you post one?

I'm pretty sure my entire story is from last night and I don't even know what I posted.

Oh my goodness.

Oh you, a centipede.

I have a full centipede story. Let's delete that now. Oh my God, we have to talk about this man, who was this man? I went on stage and announced to everyone that everyone in that bar was having average sex and we needed to ramp it up.

Like, we walked into that bar, like, relatively sober.

It's because when I see the daddy gang, we're like, both, genuinely so excited. And all of them are like, telling me their stories of like, whatever it is, that like they want to say. And so I'm like hugging all of them, getting like, emotional. And I love how you and I interact in those situations because I always just go like this.

You just like, reach over and you just grab me, I'm like, Lauren.

And Lauren's like, I'm over here and you're like talking to Daddy Gang, and we're both just like, completely separated, and then we swing back to each other. Who was that man with the long hair? That, like, became my personal protector?

You're like, no more shots.

You're literally going to be dead. And I was like, But if Daddy Gang's giving me a shot, I have to take it. So finally, a girl comes with a glass this large and it's like, Take this, Alex, and I'm like, What's it called?

I'm like, Sir, I know her.

Lauren's literally waving from behind the roped off area, and Lauren's like, Alex, I'm like, Lauren, what are you doing over there? She's like, I got kicked out.

Originally, we were going to go on stage and sing karaoke, thank God, we did not sing karaoke.

What, that was a plan? And then Lauren, I remember you look at me and say, you were like, we will ruin everyone's night. If we go up on stage and we sing Hannah Montana, because everyone's like, Oh, you can sing Miley, and Lauren's like, No, we would specifically be singing Hannah Montana.

I think we would kill the whole vibe in this bar.

We can take it down one notch. So then we left that bar after we got off stage and then we went to another bar and that's where it all took a turn.

Oh, you got mad at me, you're like, Lauren, you made me take this disgusting shot.

Oh, no, I didn't get mad, I reprimanded you. Then we, like, somehow got home, No. Lauren wakes up this morning and she comes over and she goes, Why is the toilet paper thing broken?

I woke up and I was having a dream that the chainsmokers and Pedro were in bed with us.

I need more water. OK, I think this is a perfect way to end this morning. OK, daddy gang, we're going to order some bagels, we're going to get some food, we're going to eat it.

And we look a little bit better.

Two hours later.

Jordan?

We were so hungover, Jordan, until we got so high.

That's the cure.

And now I kind of still feel high. You should fill a bowl with ice water. Oh, yeah, let's do that. I knew Jordan would come up with all the solutions. She's my safe space.

It's snack time, snack time.

I ate one of those little ones last night. Was it good? I don't remember. Oh my gosh, call me daddy.

Oh, chocolate.

Have you ever been in one of my episodes?

Hi guys.

My name is Kristen.

My name is Kristen, I like to party. Kristen has been best friends with Lauren and I since as long as Lauren and I have been best friends. Kristen went to St. Andrew Catholic School with us.

Are we still Catholic?

Are we Catholic still?

You were taller.

And Kristen always was willing to throw on the wig, and it was like a little bowl cut.

No, but the best.

The best is my head was always really big, so the wig would be like, the hairline would be like up here.

It would be coming over five, six, seven, eight.

Not only step up, but mean girls, yeah, we win.

I was Gretchen Meenors and Damien. Who do you think she was?

You have to do it and tell me all the horrible things. Regina, George says, But I think Regina's sweet. What are you talking about? Regina? George is not sweet. She's a scoffing road kill.

Lauren.

This is the car I want, this is Damien. He's almost too gay to function. Oh my God, Damien and Regina.

Just to see all the mean things, Regina George says.

Now, where you sit in the cafeteria is crucial. You got everybody here. Always want spring fling Queen? Who cares?

And like, the girls would be like, I'm kind of hungry.

I'm like, sit down.

We have to film this scene, we have to film this scene. You guys were always good sports, but, like no one ever, except for our parents, sometimes would be like girls. No one's seeing this like you don't have to film it. Today. We have a timeline.

It was really like we didn't get like, really like, serious, like guys, I'm falling behind on, like, our filming schedule.

We have a lot of new players in this. Jordan You've never been on an episode? Look, Jordan's been staring out into the UH lake on the cruise. This literally looks like like an album cover of Like Jordan.

No, the song I always sing was Three Little Birds.

And they told me I don't have to worry, so I came back to the maze. So sweet little girl, double Dutch on the prom grade.

Clouds of sulfur in the air, bombs are falling everywhere.

I wanna shower. We're gonna put our heads in here because we desperately need to wake the fuck up before this concert and we don't. They didn't give us a bowl that we could wear. And I don't wanna get my hair wet and shower either. Oh my god.

I feel like a new person. Will you hold me one more time? Sure, we're in a hair bun, we're ice bath addicts.

Let's go.

What is the plan?

Do you have a blonde thing?

Did you just use this?

No, I used this one, I'm gonna let it soak in and then massage.

You're gonna let your hair bake and then this is wet from the ice bath, and then this is wet from the ice bath. But I was too lazy to dry it so.

I'm about to pop off on the Ox.

The pop off, Okay, pop off.

Thank you. And part of what made this tour happen was the podcast that we did, where I sat across from you and played guitar and went, Oh, there's something here in the kind of intimacy of that performance. No joke. I did not know I was going to do a solo tour when I did that podcast. And it kind of inspired me to do it, kind of inspired me to do it. So thank you.

There's a crazy amount of people out there right now waiting for you, like, we're getting to celebrate you being on tour again. I'm like, fucking fangirling. Already. Lauren has a story for you, It's so cute.

Go ahead, Lauren. I was a junior in high school and NYU was like my dream school and I got in early decision. I was like, sick, like, I'm going to go visit, so I went to visit and stay with someone who was already going there. And we're walking to go out, and we're walking down the sidewalk. And you're eating dinner on an outdoor cafe where the tables are on the street, and there's the little barrier.

That's what I said, yeah.

So good.

So good, all I hear when I hear that. If I reference back, what I must have been thinking was like, just like nervousness to relate to people, like just being nervous.

Right, right, right being like, Oh my god, you're going to college.

Like, I'm going to say something, I'm going to say something, so I'm going to say that.

To know that that stuck with her for her whole life, and now she's getting to meet you and it's really fucking cute.

That's very.

Sincere and inspirational. Yeah, I was like, I am the future. Yeah, I was like, This is NYU, this is sick.

Tell the Daddy gang how you're feeling about this tour. How's it going so far?

The tour is going great, every night's a little bit different. I write the set lists that make me happy. I don't feel like I'm caged into playing any songs from any record and I'm having a blast.

But in our episode, you were playing some songs that you had not played in, like a really.

Really long time, yeah, I haven't played Dreaming with a Broken Heart in forever.

How did you feel after the episode of Like any comments or like, did anything stand out to you?

It made me feel understood, I feel understood by my friends and my family and the people in my world. I don't feel insanely understood by people outside of it, and I've learned that that's okay. But good work when you can get it, when people you don't know start to understand you a little better.

No, that was like, I will say, that really stuck with me when you texted me that saying, like, if I ever lose my way. Or I'm just like, confused about. Like, I can always go back to that episode and see that, I was like, don't make me cry, John.

Yeah, you really helped me put my thoughts into order, and we all want to put our thoughts into order. I think I finally learned how to answer things really sincerely, instead of thinking about what I want them to look like after I say that.

And weirdly, I think, as you saw, when you answer them sincerely, people can feel that, yeah. And they were like, fuck, like, I connect with him. Okay, go do your thing.

It's going to be great and it's good to see you again. Thank you for your trust in wanting to do that podcast. And I love, I love Daddy Gang. I love, I love Daddy Gang.

They love you, okay, and they're wet, let's go.

Neon, neon.

Who knows how long, how long, how long she can go before she burns away?

When I will take her anyway, I can.

She comes and she goes like, no one cares.

Me so cool.