It’s Wine O’Clock Everywhere

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Oh my god, oh, I hear someone.

I hear someone, but I.

Hi Yvonne, welcome to Conan. O'Brien needs a fan, Hi.

Hi Yvonne, how are you?

I'm well, how are you?

I'm doing very well. Tell us where you're coming from.

I'm coming from Hastings City in Hawke's Bay, New Zealand.

Oh, you're in New Zealand, okay? Yeah, I love your very colorful background, I love the flowers in your hair.

So it's 11 a.

What is poxy? So poxy, pox means? In my mind, it means that there's a disease spreading. Is that what you're saying? The weather has been spreading a medieval disease.

Yes, yes, Conan, it has.

Sounds lovely.

Yeah, glumness and durness.

Well, the New Zealand Tourist Bureau must love you.

Come to New Zealand for the Pox.

You never know, right?

Everyone thinks it's Pox. Yeah, you think it's going to be sunshine and flowers and blossoms all the time, and then you get a couple of days of murkiness and rain. And it's like, ugh. So I was thinking that might be happening today, so I thought I'd put some stuff on that was bright and low.

Well, guess what, you look fantastic, you look beautiful, everything is popping and tell me a little bit about yourself.

I do lots of things, but my core business, as I'm supposed to say, is I'm a wine writer, so I'm a Yeah, I taste wine for a living.

You taste wine for a living. This sounds like a fantastic job. Yeah, how does that work? you know? Do you taste wines at night?

My day usually starts quite early, so the best time for me to start is as early as I can. So sometimes it's, you know, 7 8 in the morning. And I'll get up and quietly sort of pad out to my desk, which is actually my kitchen table where I'm sitting now. And I'll start tasting wines because....

Wait at 7 in the morning. Whoa, yeah.

Well, because my brain's fresh, you know, and my taste buds are fresh. There hasn't been stuff happening to them during the day. I haven't had a zillion cups of coffee, you know? It's like, Well, the only thing that's not fresh is, yeah, my teeth, because you don't clean your teeth before you start tasting wine, right?

You can't brush your teeth before you taste wine because you're just going to be tasting the crest toothpaste. I'm getting money for them, correct?

I know specifically mentioned that brand.

We don't have crest over here.

What's great about crest? Why should I be using crest?

Oh, I don't know, I just said that. But now with extra whitening powders.

Have you ever considered brushing your teeth with wine?

Yeah, would you ever brush your teeth with wine?

Well, yes, you can brush your teeth with wine, but the outcome won't be that great. So, particularly if it's red wine. After a day of tasting red wine, your teeth can go. This really attractive bluey, purple, gray, and it sticks and everyone wants you to smile.

Yvonne You say that you get up at 7 in the morning and you start drinking, and you drink throughout the day. Tasting.

Conan Sure.

Tasting, tasting.

You're not drinking it.

No, no, no, tasting and tasting and tasting. And then do you actually write about it later on, or are you just an alcoholic?

I write about it later on. So the thing is, I've got special equipment. My most treasured possession is my spit bucket, which I carry with me everywhere. It's got its own handle, see?

That's nice, so you walk around, I can take it around town carrying a bucket, that's nice.

Yeah, you don't want to look inside it. It's not pretty. But the thing is, you look at the wine, you sniff the wine, you swish it around in your mouth. You think, Okay, what am I smelling? what am I tasting? And you're writing notes the whole time, and then you spit it out.

So you must get some alcohol, though some alcohol must get passed through various capillaries in your mouth, right?

Yes, yeah, a little bit, for sure.

Absolutely, do you ever get a little? I mean, after a long day of just even wine tasting, do you ever get a little tipsy?

Yes.

Yeah.

I mean, you can't help it, or not? Tipsy, but it's exhausting after a big day. Like if you're judging at a competition and it's over 100 wines a day by the end of it. I mean, for a start, you do not want to drive, you don't want to operate any heavy machinery or anything involving a lot of technology. And you probably just want a cup of tea and a beer, you know, at the end of it.

And then some more wine, yeah.

Well, if it's like I said before, if it's been a really big day of tasting, if I've tasted a lot of wine, then yeah, I'm going to. I want a Negroni or something, or a nice cleansing ale or whatever you know, or just like some pills or something, you know, something.

That gives you a high, but it's like a clean high, yeah, a clean high.

Yeah, a clean high that can't be smelled on your breath, you know?

That's fascinating.

Yeah, well, I guess sometimes, you know, if you go out to a restaurant, everyone goes, they hand you the wine list, they go, oh, you choose, right, you choose what we all drink.

It's your profession. And there's no way that you can just chill and enjoy a glass of wine because all your friends are going to like the wine. But you're going to be thinking a little bit too many citrus notes for a cab, right? I'm tasting cinnamon when I feel I should be tasting basalt, you know, right?

Yeah, possibly not salt. Well, maybe a little bit of salt.

I said basalt, I meant the rock, basalt.

Oh yeah.

Like a mineral.

Oh, we say, yeah, yeah, basalt or granite or graphite characters. mm-hmm.

You're good, you're good at this. Oh, I just say things. I don't think that I actually have a good palate. how would we know if I have a good palate?

Well, we're actually prepared to test this. Where you said that maybe we could give him some food, he could describe it, and you could tell if he really has a knack for this or not. Yeah.

Do I have a palate or not? Do you think you could tell? yeah?

Yeah, because everyone does, everyone has a palate. Some people can actually verbalize what they're smelling and tasting better than others, right?

Well, I just rated our team Cocoa snack cabinet. From the fruity side of things, we've got Welch's fruit snacks. If that's for your fruitier wines, mm-hmm. For your more autumnal, we've got bare baked crunchy fuji and Red's apple chips, okay?

Well, I'm going to defer to the expert, Yvonne, Yvonne, what do you think I should be tasting?

Oh, my goodness. So hold the options up again for me to have a look at.

Animal crackers, apple chips, fruit snacks.

I think apple chips. Okay, let's go the Apple chips.

Okay, all right.

I'm looking forward to this.

I don't understand why, if I know what it is ahead of time, isn't that cheating? I'm just going to say it tastes like Apple. No, no, no.

I want you to tell me what kind of apple, and yeah, because you have different apple varieties, right?

Yeah, but I don't know what does it smell like, I don't know about Apple varieties, I don't get out much, okay?

Is it ..?

I was raised ...

Do you think it smells like a red apple or a green apple?

All right, right now I'm smelling, I'm getting red Apple, I think it's a red Apple.

It's also on the package.

Yeah, it says Fuji and Red's.

Well, I didn't see that.

I actually didn't see that. And there's a red apple. And you're really good at guessing, too, you're doing a blind guessing.

No, but I didn't see that. I thought you could make it up, all right. Well, deconstruct away. I'm trying to do something legitimate here.

Yes, taste it.

It has a tang, it has a kind of a tang, a sharpness to it, okay?

Would you say it's refreshing or soothing?

I would say it's no, it's not refreshing. It's because I know my brain is saying, Oh, it's an apple, but then it's all dry and crunchy. So my brain is saying, red alert, red alert, this is a dried up old apple that you found. It's from the Civil War or something.

And then that's what you write, that's what you write down.

And that's your note. This is an upsetting wine.

I did pick out the three things that I wanted to eat at that moment.

I know now we're snacking.

So here's the thing it's quite citrusy. This is what I think about. sometimes, it's quite citrusy, yeah.

That's cool, but Apple's not a citrus, it's a tree fruit.

I know I'm telling you that it has a citrusy tang to it, so I do think that it has....

Well, here's a trick, though. Conan Here's something you can do. This is what I do when I'm tasting wine, I've got one right here, this is chardonnay.

Oh good, I have a wine right here. Oh good, yeah, it's turning out to be a good day.

Cool, because we've got a big chardonnay symposium happening in my town at the moment, so there's just chardonnay everywhere. But what I do when I'm tasting wine is I sometimes think, if this wine was a person, what kind of person would it be? So I kind of think about the wine with personality traits, as well as aromas and flavors.

This is turning more into a test of, Can I open a bottle of wine?

Let alone.

Yeah, it's got a cork.

We don't see corks very often.

Wait.

Are you guys all screw tops now?

Well, a lot of the wine is under screw top, because screw tops are amazing for wine. They are the greatest things ever in my opinion.

Okay, I've poured myself just a little bit.

Great, Okay, now your glass? Actually, your glass is quite good. I like the shape.

This is aerating the wine. You want an elegant one? This is aerating the wine. Right now, I'm swirling the wine around as I've seen people do in movies.

But also you could go all the way down.

Very good, all right. Hold it from the foot.

You're holding it from the stem, coming in.

Oh, can I say one thing? This glass is really dirty.

Yeah, dish spots all over this.

I mean, you know what? The problem is? We have a podcast studio, and Aaron Blair, who works for us, is a bachelor and I think he lives, he's a hoarder.

He's not that good with the dish spots.

No, I think he wouldn't know a clean glass if it was shoved where the sun don't shine. So no, anyway, it doesn't matter. I'm sure some detritus is getting in there.

You're doing very well, but the way you're holding it is giving me anxiety, so see how I'm holding the foot of the glass. Okay, yeah, and then you can do it like lots of swirling.

Oh, look at Sona, I'm crushing it.

Oh, you guys got it too.

Sona is a professional drinker. Sona is amazing. Sona's been drinking. Thanks Yvonne. Yeah.

You're doing exceptionally well, my darling, right? Okay?

So now we're going to sniff it. This is going to be my new job. Yeah, Sona's drinking in the womb. Oh, come on.

I had a nice wine glass in the womb.

Okay, so I've swirled this about as much as I can swirl it.

Yeah, you've swirled it loads, so enough of the swirling.

Waft it through you, you just get your nose right in there.

You know, you see people, you just get your nose right in there.

And then you stare into the distance. Are we trying the same kind of wine right now? Yeah, oh, we are.

As her No.

Yeah.

Oh well, what a great experiment.

What are you tasting?

Let's have someone in New Zealand with a glass of wine and someone in Los Angeles with some cookies. And see if they have the same, put them on Zoom and see if they have the same notes.

It's called Rayburn Russian River Valley Chardonnay, 2020.

Great.

Great, great, so it is a chardonnay, brilliant, all right.

All right, and you have a chardonnay, all right, let me tell you what I'm getting.

I have a chardonnay, I have the Tony bish.

Nice label.

Port Bay Chardonnay.

Tony Bush Bish.

Bish, bish.

Oh, I'm sorry, I went a different way.

What can you see that?

Yeah.

Yeah, so Tony Bish. Now, he is the absolute guru. He's like the gandalf of chardonnay making here in New Zealand.

I'm getting hints of microphone, What are you getting? I'm getting hints of microphone, Oh no, oh wait.

Use your words, you're a writer, okay? Does it smell fruity?

Yes, does it smell fruity or does it smell it smells fruity?

Okay.

It smells fruity, but it also smells-.

What kind of fruit does it smell like?

I'm getting kind of a grapefruit.

Oh, okay.

Good.

That's great, and I'm also getting-.

What if he's wrong, though, because I'm reading the label? No, okay?

He's not wrong, because grapefruit is in chardonnay, you definitely get grapefruity characters in good chardonnay, so well done.

Thank you.

Okay.

And, you know, it does have a little bit of a mineral, it doesn't. I'm going to say it feels a little drier than a normal chardonnay.

So let's taste it, let's taste it.

Well, I think Sona already did.

Oh, oh, come on.

Easy.

What are you guys getting up to down there? what?

That's how you do it, you haven't had anyone spit on microphone before.

I'm not judging you, I'm getting this is very nice, I'm going to say, for podcast wine, this is pretty good.

Fresh layers of green apple and pear are accented by a creamy richness due to Sir Lee aging.

Okay, okay. So do you know what Sir Lee aging means? And this is a tip for anyone that's listening. Watching someone goes, Sir Lee, it doesn't mean, you know, moody and angry, which is what Sir Lee s-u-r-l-y means.

This isn't my podcast anymore, this is not Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Here's another thing, this is wine talk. Can you please be quiet?

She's trying to host a podcast.

Our host is Yvonne, Take it, Yvonne.

We're pairing it with animal crackers. Is that good, perfect? Okay, yeah.

I think we all know what it's like to chase that thrill. When you chase that thrill down a bottle, the bottle always wins.

The bottle always wins.

I find the animal crackers are overpowering the wine, the animal crackers, and maybe just because these are powerful animals, but does your wine have good persistence and flavor? It can't fight the animal crackers.

Well.

That's a good price for a wine that's 60 years old.

With episodes of desperate housewives.

So here's what I wrote, correct me, and I'm probably wrong here.

No, go for it, I'm kind of figuring, go for it, Yvonne, I trust you.

A long, leggy red that, despite hitting its peak drinking window in 2009, is still clinging to layers of seasoned saddle leather. Aromas of roast beetroot, freshly plowed earth and Keith Richards. Flavor-wise, it has complex nuances of old swamp sandals and wet dog and blueberries and new money.

You're going to hear from my lawyer.

There you go.

You consulted me roundly. No, that's very nice. I like that. I would taste that wine based on that description, yeah.

I also remember that you like, speaking of tricycles, you like bikes, right?

Bicycles? Yes, yes, I do.

Yeah.

She's a bike taster.

I'm wearing my—.

Yes, I'm getting notes of Ash.

So, from one of my recent tastings, I took out the inner tubes of the bike tires and made these earrings.

Ah, oh cool, those are fantastic. I thought those were feathers.

From bicycle, tire, rubber and as worn by our ex-prime minister, Jacinda Ardern, wore these earrings.

Very nice, Yvonne. You're clearly insane and what we're going to do is, have you arrested? I'm contacting the authorities in your town. That's so cool, they're coming in through the window.

The numbness. Well, I don't know about that, but this is why, you know,—.

Oh, I do know about that. It's good, all the pain goes away.

Just to give you some idea as well of how seriously I do take my job. And there are lots of people like me that do this for a living. And seriously, my business card. I don't know if you can see that there. Oh, chief tasting officer, Oh, very good.

You do taste, you do. Take yourself very seriously. That's good. it's good to take your I try. What's it like to take your profession seriously? Terrible.

But everyone else thinks it's a total joke.

I have never done it well. It was very nice talking to you, Yvonne. I think I've learned a lot. Yeah, I will not be eating—.

I didn't notice.

Yeah, I didn't either, I didn't think you would. Oh, okay, they're they, just there's. no, they're not crispy at all.

They're kind of nice when they're soft, sure.

Okay, said no lady ever.

Yeah, like I am.

You did very well.

I'm sorry, Dick, joke anyway, I'm excited by your palate.

A cock-a-roo?

Oh boy.

YVONNE Oh boy, it was really nice talking to you. thank you. you are a bright spot in our day. thank you.

Thank you, Conan, we do try.

Thank you. The depression that comes after drinking is settling in, so I'm returning to my native Ireland in my mind.

This has been so fun.

I can't wait to do this. Well. It's been really nice talking to you Yvonne. Thank you so much for making time for us. We really appreciate it. thank you.

The whole of New Zealand, says Kia ora.

Very nice. Well, thank you very much. you have a great day. Bye-bye, thank you.

Bye.

Enjoy that hoxy weather.

Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien. Sona Movsesian and Matt Gourley Produced by Me Matt Gourley executive produced by Adam Sachs. Nick Liao and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Yearwolf. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

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