Slimealier

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit team.co.co.com. Slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Hi Patty.

Welcome to Conan, O'Brien needs a fan.

Hi Patty, how are you good? Hi, Oh, you know what I love?

Uh, my cat's name is Nugget. She's sitting on my lap now. I can show you what she looks like if you want to see her.

I saw Nugget make an appearance briefly and really ran in like, I hear excitement. It was exciting. Yeah, it was exciting to see that. Because I live with cats and they hate me, and so it was nice to see a cat hear my voice and come running.

So I'm coming to you from Austin, Texas, at the moment.

Nice, I like Austin, it's very nice, very pleasant place.

Yeah, it's very cold right now and very drizzly, which is unfortunate.

Well, what do you define cold to you? because I grew up in Boston? What's cold in Austin? Oh, no.

Okay, it's to me like, 30 to 40 is cold, that's like, I'm not going outside.

That is cold, that is cold.

That is cold. Yeah, that's legitimate. Okay, good.

Thank you for justifying me. It is cold, so cold.

Yeah, no, we justify you and dignify you with your temperature calculations.

That's all I want, that's all I want, what?

Patty, tell us a little bit about yourself. First of all. I love your. The room you're coming from is very orange. It's very nice and you seem like a cool person. Tell us a little bit about yourself.

So what I do for a living is I am an art director at a slime company, so we mass produce slime for people who are really into collecting slime.

Okay, now I know slime is a thing kids love these days, they love their slime. And when you say you mass produce it, meaning what does it come in? What is the is the slime sold in stores that you that you make?

So we don't do as much wholesale slime, we primarily sell from our personal website, but we make all of the slime in the warehouse that I also work in. I see.

But what you're talking about is a bespoke slime.

Artisanal slime. Yes, exactly.

Artisanal slime.

A designer slime? Yeah, yeah, artisanal slime.

So this isn't just some goop that would drop on someone on a Nickelodeon show. This is really, this is the really good stuff.

This is the real deal. This is like, very, it's very complicated. I didn't know anything about Slime until I got this job, and I know more about Slime than I ever wanted to know in my life. So I have lots of wisdom, too.

I know well, good, because I don't know anything about slime other than it's slimy, but I don't know anything. What is slime composed of primarily?

So slime is primarily made of glue, water and borax. Those are kind of your base components. But depending on what type of glue you use or what kind of add-ins you put in it, you can get a lot of very different textures. So we have slimes that are clear, we have slimes that are more opaque, we have some that are crunchy. There are a lot of, it's so many things you can do.

Okay, so, first of all, is there a such thing as, like, a slime sommelier? someone who can? Oh boy, a slime sommelier, yeah.

Or is there like a vintage to slime?

Yeah.

In a weird way, yes to both of those questions. I have kind of myself become a slime sommelier because we need to figure out. Like, different types of glue make different types of textures, so like, a wood glue is going to give you a different slime than a school glue or a clear.

Glue is going to give you a different slime. I'm sorry, Patty, but of course, of course, yeah. I mean, this is just insulting.

You're not speaking to idiots here.

Yeah, I mean, Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

No, it was really good, it was really good. I can show you I have a bunch of slimes over here.

Of course, you do, yes, you're in your room, and that's where you keep slime, of course.

What do people do with slime? Yeah, this is my slime.

Well, hold on one thing at a time. Oh, I'm sorry.

That's a valid question, I want to know.

I love fielding all of these questions about slime. This is the container. it's just like a little cute plastic container with a lid on it. Try to keep it airtight in there. We also do clay.

We do clay, a toast that's made of clay.

I have to show you this.

You are dealing with idiots here.

Yeah, I don't know why would you have? Toast made of clay and slime goes on top of it. What is that? What are you accomplishing there?

Basically, you can kind of make a DIY kit, this is a honey toast DIY kit, you can kind of see this cute little clay that looks like a toast.

Yes, then you spread the slime on it, yeah.

You kind of put it on top of the base slime and then you put this little honey syrup on top of it and kind of drizzle it.

So you're pretending to make a food item, but nothing is edible.

Yes, exactly nothing is edible. That's why we have to put do not eat on all of our labels. I love that.

You're making pretend toast and pretend honey for children and then saying, just don't eat it, that's fantastic. Pretty much. Oh, we made a tricycle, what's it made of?

Better not get on that tricycle, you'll blow up.

It looks so cool, I know we call it a tricycle, just to confuse kids. Hope they don't get on it.

Buy the products. It's actually a lot of people in their 20s and kind of young adults and older people who just like. They like the kind of texture of the slime and it kind of becomes like a.

Comfort thing almost is it all about, like holding the slime and you squeeze it and it gloops through your fingers? Yes, very much so.

It's like, very visceral.

Oh, look at that.

Oh, that is pleasing.

It's pretty good. This one is not from the company that I work for. But it's basically like a tide slime, like it smells like laundry detergent, and it kind of looks like tide.

Do you think people use this? Does anyone ever is there talk? Bone it?

Do they bone it?

Yeah, is there ever talk? is there ever talk in the industry about people pleasuring themselves or having an erotic adventure with the slime?

It was so hard for me not to make this sexual. I'm glad I'm not the one that took it down that path.

We're all thinking it, I know, but I always am the one who had to take it there.

I knew it was going to come up, but is it okay, Patty, to talk about this?

Actually, I'm qualified to answer this one.

Listen, we, I'll say this, we do not make slime for those purposes. If there is someone out there who does that, I am not aware of them, but like, shout out to them, I guess, yeah.

I mean, Penthouse magazine was basically for the articles. Listen, all I'm saying is that it comes to mind.

Yeah, that people are fucking it.

Well, notice, there's a do not eat label on there, but not a do not fuck.

Yes, that's what we're saying. Well, I didn't bring this there, I was trying not to go there.

No, I in no way.

I appreciate you for not trying to go. Thank you Patty. I really see that and I respect that.

Patty, patty. Just to be clear, I would like to distance myself from my friends. I wasn't talking about someone having intercourse with the slime, I was thinking of someone spreading it over their body.

Sexually.

Sexually okay for the to allow themselves.

So now I know what you're into.

And yeah, and maybe maybe immersing them, maybe immersing themselves in its hub of it, and just wriggling around and going.

Yours is more of a romantic angle, like a Valentine's Day kind of bath of slime with.

Some candles? Yeah, I wasn't nothing. There's no. You guys are being very crass about this. What I was thinking about was scented candles and then a big tub of slime, and then little rose petals on top of the slime.

What we essentially have here is a round of fuck, marry, kill with slime.

Yeah, I want to, you want to marry, I want to marry the slime.

You want to take it out to dinner?

Oh, yes.

You want to go to dinner with slime?

And the slime will have the beef, please.

What's your first date with Slime? like? what movie are you and Slime going to see?

Well, I'm sure we're going to go see, we're going to see ghostbusters. Yeah, very good. we're going to see vintage ghostbusters.

I can demonstrate for you.

If you don't mind, I'd like to see you.

If you don't mind, I'd like to see you.

I'm having a lot of second thoughts.

No, I'm asking legitimate questions. Oh, good Lord.

So it's kind of it kind of depends on the texture, so like this is a differently textured slime.

That's very thick slime, that's like matte.

Yeah, exactly, this is more of like a like a thick kind of clay based, like cloud type of slime. And you kind of get like a different pull from this than you would with like the Clears or anything like that, there are some slimes that are they're made for different types of.

Go ahead, no, continue, no, we don't, we don't, nothing here.

Yeah, for sure, it's crazy how like big the world of slime is. We even have. We have a full team of people who just make content based on the slimes that we produce. Like, they'll make TikToks of scooping the slimes, scooping ASMR videos. Oh, really, really popular.

Where people love the sound of the slime coming out is that it? and what does it make? what kind of sound does it make?

It's like a. it's like a slurp, a slurpy, squishy, bubbly pop. Some of them actually pop when you like, squeeze them hard enough.

And people listen to that and they enjoy it, they enjoy hearing that. Yeah, okay.

How big a batch do you guys make in the factory? Like, is it big enough like someone could fall in and become the joker, or is it just like, you know?

Yeah, that's a good question.

That is a good question, I would definitely say. You can fit a person in the mixers that we use to make the slime.

Let's talk after this.

Oh.

Yeah, yeah, you can come to the factory, just have a little bit.

If someone fell into the VAT, would they be able to get out or would they be smothered? Just like sucked into the slime, is it possible to climb your way out, or if you're submerged in slime, are you pretty much done for?

Quick Slime.

That's a good murder, you know, that would be a good.

No, I honestly don't know, I don't know, I'm just curious.

So I have, I have helped the people who mix the large batches of slime. I don't think you could like, truly, if you like, stuck your face in it, you would definitely suffocate and die. But if you're just like kind of digging your hands into it and moving it around, it's more heavy than anything.

What is the shelf life of slime? If you were to leave it uncovered? Does it last for thousands and thousands of years?

Definitely not thousands and thousands of years, I would say, if you cover it and keep it like, nice and tight, and probably like, you get it. Depending on the type of slime, it can last for a really long time. If you leave it for like a few months or longer, it's kind of like, slowly starts to revert back to, like, just glue, so you actually need to have.

Reanimates it, it makes it playable again. Yes, it brings it back to life.

It brings it back to life.

Isn't it interesting that they say that mankind came from Slime? You know, we originated from slime? yeah, and we've over millions of years evolved into gods. Essentially, yes.

That's what I mean.

Yeah, what I'm saying is we have completed the cycle. We're obsessed with our own origin, and we are now. Once slime, we have become humans, homo sapiens, and now we make slime and we love it.

We've, like, returned to the primordial ooze.

Yes, we have very good. I like that, I like that. Well, Patty, you, I wasn't going to guess this is what you did for a living, but I'm.

I got that part.

Just make sure that you find out if someone would drown. If they broke into your slime warehouse, removed all their clothing and got inside the tank. Just find out if you could come on. I'm just saying, let's investigate.

You're naked in it.

Well, you know what? Yeah, of course, that's part of the whole fantasy.

That's a PR nightmare.

For them, not me, any publicity is good publicity. No one should do this.

Please God, no one listen to this.

Yeah, please do not listen to this. So you have a question for me, I believe.

I do so. My question is, I'm going to be turning 30 in a few months in March, which I know is when you started, you were that age when you started doing late night. And as someone who has perhaps not reached all of my goals by the age of 30, do you have any advice moving forward?

I'd hope that you would aim higher than talk show host at 30.

Climb into one of those vats.

Well, no, no, no, don't do that. I'm really worried about people's safety. But no, I think it's way too much pressure to put on yourself, look at you.

Yeah, enjoy it.

Okay.

Just enjoy it.

No, that's great. This was like a nice little therapy session for me. I really enjoyed that.

I'm enjoying, just thinking about climbing into that slime. I'm sorry. How much would it cost me to get enough for a whole?

No.

Bathtub Bathtub full of slime, No.

The crunchy kind. Just get a bunch of slime and put it in a bathtub.

The kind with little crunchies in it.

Once you get it, you can do whatever you want.

Okay, all right, as long as you know that.

I'm sorry.

You know, you guys just make it. You don't know. You can't control what people are doing, and you can't monitor it either. There's no way to monitor.

Slime doesn't have sex with people.

People do.

Well, I was going to say that the thing is there is a huge.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. What do you mean, monster girls?

That is exactly what I'm saying. And that is a prominent genre of anime woman on the internet that people are very into. That is a thing that exists.

And you say people are into it, meaning they like the idea of a woman made of slime.

Yes, that is how I would put it. It's like people are really into vampire girls and werewolf girls, and other monster girls. Frankenstein girls are also into slime girls. I'm so sorry.

Oh, no, Matt seems to know exactly what you're talking about. Oh, I married one. Oh no.

Oh, no.

It's true.

We're learning a lot about everybody.

When she's locked out of the house, you can just go through the mail slot.

Okay.

Her name is.

Lurch.

She's lovely, I love...

Of the Connecticut.

Yes.

They come from.

I didn't do it.

That's what I want to make sure everybody knows. No, you're a terrible person, okay, slime freak.

I see you Sona, I see you, you are a slime freak.

Thanks Patty, Patty. it was really nice talking to you. be well, happy birthday ahead of time.

Oh, thank you.

And just like yourself, you're doing great.

Oh, thank you so much. I've been such a huge fan of your show, literally since I was like a kid. Oh so, like, going on 15 plus years, it's like, so crazy for me to talk to you because, like, Well, thank you my whole life really.

Thank you for liking my weirdness. I appreciate it and go in slime, you know, go in slime, yes.

Yes, I will slime strong.

Slime strong, slime strong, all right, take care bye-bye.

Yes, you too. Thank you so much.

Bye, bye.

Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien. Sona Movsesian and Matt Gorley Produced by Me Matt Gorley executive produced by Adam Sachs. Nick Liao and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by the White Stripes.

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