#2005 - Tom Segura

Yeehaw. What's up, Tom? What's up, my man? How are you, my brother? What's cracking?

I'm super stoked, man. Thanks for having me. Looking good. Looking lean. You've fucking stuck with it, man.

You've fucking stuck with it. Tried to. Yeah, I've been working hard at it, actually. It's crazy. I mean, you've been so consistent.

It's amazing. Isn't it weird how that works?

That's what I've said to a few people, and they're like, yeah, that's what happens. I mean, I don't know. I just keep, I think I had this, I don't know if I told you, like this mentality before, where I would go, if I got to a number on the scale, I thought of it as like a finish line. I didn't realize I was doing it, but I was. I was going, oh, I got there.

Right. And then you just kind of go, well, if you're done, you're done. Yeah. And then you just kind of regress. Mm-hmm.

So I just realized now that it's just, it is every day. It is life. It's life. It's part of life. Yeah.

Yeah. If you can think about it that way. Also, you've got to think about it like delayed gratitude. Delayed gratitude is a very important concept if you want to have a happy life. You can't just have gratitude in front of your face all the time.

You'll just be a mess. You want delayed gratitude, and specifically for your physical health, because you don't feel good in the end of the day. Like unless you've – when I don't work out, if I have a day, that I blow it off, which is rare, but it does happen. Yeah. If I blow it off, at the end of the day, I feel like a loser.

Yeah. I know that's stupid. I know it's stupid, but it's that feeling inside of you that you didn't get ahead. Yeah. You didn't – it's one thing.

if it's like I need a rest day. Rest days, I can – I love them. Let me watch TV. I'll watch a movie. Sure.

I indulge in those too. You got to listen to your body on that, for sure. And also your mind. Yeah. I think your mind needs rest days.

Yeah. I enjoy a rest day. now. Really, I fucking – but if you don't do the things you know you're supposed to do, you have that fucking nagging thing in your head. That thing in your head, that nagging thing, that's hours and hours, and hours, and hours and hours of your day.

Yeah. Whereas the workout, you can just get 20 minutes in, and that feeling's gone. Totally. Just get 20 minutes in. I feel like a loser thing that also – but there's also this, even like another layer to it, where, on days when I don't do anything physical, and it's like it's towards the end of the day, I kind of go like, what's wrong with me?

And, like Christina might be, like, what's going on with you? And then sometimes it takes me a moment, and I'll be like, I didn't work out today. Yep. That's what it is. I go, yeah, so I have like this – Mental health.

Yeah. It's fucking with my head. Yeah. I also have this – like the anxiety has manifested itself physically, so I just have this like, oh, I didn't exert myself. So it's all together, and I go, that's what it is.

So I go, tomorrow morning. I just got to get it in right away. Yeah, it's just one of those things like brushing your teeth. You got to fucking do it. You don't want to do it.

You do it, and then you feel better afterwards. Like in little bursts of. that's how I feel every time I get in that stupid cold plunge. I don't want to do it. Every time I do it, I don't want to do it.

It always sucks. It sucks. It never feels good. We had this thing where we were doing – we had to bank episodes of our podcast. So that means we were going into the studio at like, I don't know, 9 or 10, and then just spending the day there, right?

And I knew that when I got home, I'd be wiped. And we got – you know, we were with the kids, and we got to do dinner and get them ready for – so I was like, I'm just going to get up. And so every day I just got up a little earlier, cold plunge first. So it's like that was my morning cough. It's the first thing I did.

Which, right the fuck up. Right the fuck up. And then right to the gym. And so then I would arrive at the studio in the best mood. Yeah.

Just like really in a great mood. Yeah. And then I would zip through the day, and I mean even they were like, wow, you're like nice.

You know, like the staff. Dude, it's like –. if you could take that in a pill form, it would be the most popular pill in the world. 100%. No question.

Yeah. Yeah. And we're not talking about like being a bodybuilder. We're not talking about killing you. Just getting your heart pumping, getting your sweat going, get those muscles moving, exert yourself.

Yeah. I can get a fucking pretty good workout in in 20 minutes. You can definitely get your heart going. Yeah. If I'm fucking super pressed for time.

You know what's crazy is if you – when I work out right after cold plunging, sometimes you're like, wait, how come, I'm not sweating? You don't realize that your core temperature has dropped like 17 degrees, and you're like, oh. You're at 34 degrees in three minutes. Yeah. What the fuck?

Duh. Yeah. I work out outside after I do that. Oh, nice. So I do my – I do the series of 100 bodyweight squats and 100 pushups every morning.

Yeah. And the way I do it is I do it as my warmup now. Yeah. It's a good warmup to do right after you get out of the cold plunge. So, by the time I'm done with those, I'm warmed up.

Wow. Yeah. But it's nice to do outside. Yeah, that is cool. I – it's one of the only times that I really don't mind heat, like real heat, is during workouts.

Yeah. I like working out in heat. It's good for you. I do not like a cold gym. No.

When the air conditioning is blasting in the gym. I don't like that. No. I don't like that either. I like – but you know Cronk Gym, where Tommy Hearns used to train?

They always kept the temperature up very high. They did? Yeah, they kept it like 95 degrees. Yeah, in Detroit. And the reason – well, Manuel Stewart was a genius, a boxing genius, but also a genius physically.

He knew. It's just like working out in a sauna. Like the sauna actually gives you cardiovascular benefit. just sitting there because your heart's beating faster because it's trying to – your body's trying to cool you off. Right.

You're hot as fuck. You know, I've had the heart strap on in the sauna and it got up to 147 degrees. Or excuse me, 147 beats per minute. Just sitting there. Yeah, just sitting there.

Yeah, your body's like – Just sitting there. Especially because you do it after a workout. Yeah. So I'm already fucking exhausted and then I get in that oven for 20 minutes and at the end of that 20 minutes, my heart is jacked. Yeah.

So it's all – you're getting static cardio, just sitting there. Just sitting there. So if you're doing a boxing workout and it's 95 degrees, your heart is jacked. Yeah. You're getting really worked out.

That's hard. That's like running with weights on. Yeah, and then imagine that feeling right after that. Like when you're done. Yeah, like – Oh, the relief.

Like a hot yoga class. Remember when we were doing hot yoga? How many did we do? 15 in a month? We did 15..

Yeah. That was nice, dude. That was nice. Yeah. Something about leaving those.

I went to one here in Austin. Yeah? Yeah. I went to a hot yoga class and it was like – you just walk outside and you're like, this isn't any different. This is the exact same temperature.

Yeah, it's just yoga with no AC on. God. Yeah. But it did – you do feel this. And then that – the way that, like a cold drink, tastes right after that.

It's unreal. Yeah. Just water. Yeah, just water. Just a cold water.

So good. Yeah. It just feels so good. Do you take electrolytes? I do.

Every day. Yeah? I travel with the packets and everything. Which ones are you taking? I have liquid IV.

Yeah. I take those pouches with me everywhere. I take those too. Yeah. And I also take them – I have a big one before bed.

I fill up like a big canteen. Yeah. You have to get up to piss in the middle of the night? Yes. But not – That's annoying.

It's annoying. Not too, too much. I don't take them right before bed, but, like I have an evening one. Because I remembered even from like high school football in Florida, that they would go, if you're cramping, it's too late to start. Like you start taking electrolytes.

It's not going to help you, then. It's all about like the prep for it. Right. So, like you – that day before you exert yourself, electrolyte boost is what's going to help you more. So I always try to do it like at night too.

That makes sense. Just keeping a steady state in your body. Yeah. Yeah. It should be something that you take every day.

But the big thing, dude, like, I never hated – I wasn't one of those people who was like, I hate the gym or I hate working out. It really is being consistent with food too. That's a big thing. Yeah. Like, I didn't realize how much I – well, I knew I was eating poorly a lot.

I was just like – I had no sense of like portion control. What turned it around? Was it those contests? Was it the weight loss contest? I guess it's a little bit of everything.

I think. actually getting severely injured and like just being like – first of all, I think hearing people being like, oh, you're really going to fall apart now. Like now that you've been injured, you're going to be a mess. You're going to gain like 100 pounds. Like people would say that.

Who said that to you, Bert?

Actually, his wife. His wife, said that to you? Jesus Christ. But she was just like in the moment saying it. But no, she wasn't – You're going to gain 100 pounds.

She was like, you're going to get real fat. You're going to be fatter than my husband. We're going to make fun of you. I was like, that's impossible. But it wasn't even just that.

It was like other people too. Other people were like – I mean, I would see it. Like when I open up Twitter or something, they're like, this dude's about to be a fucking whale. Wow. Yeah, because they saw you like, well, you're laying in a bed.

So I think that kind of started it. And then what happened was my PT was – you know, we were doing all the rehab stuff. And she was the one who was like, are people telling you you're going to like, get like way out of shape? She goes, yeah. She goes, you know, it's going to be the opposite, right?

And I was like, what? She goes, you're going to be in like the best shape of your life. And I was like, why? She's like, because you're going to be so focused on rehab and you're going to feel better doing it. And you're just going to want to get – like she was the one who – Dr.

Karen Joubert. So we have to break Bert's arm. We have to break multiple limbs.

We got to fucking – we should hit him with a bus. You know, do you remember the moment of reflection after this last Sober October? We're all out there. We were all going to go do a show. And I said, come do the show with us.

Yeah. And Bert was like, I can't go out. If I go out, I'm going to drink. And I don't want to drink. I'm really going to get my shit together.

now. Do you remember that? No, I don't actually. Where were we? You might not have been there.

You might not have been there. while he was saying it. We were right out in front. Oh, because I left a few minutes before, remember? Oh, that's right.

Yeah, I was trying to get him to come to the show with us. And he didn't want to do it. Yeah. You know? He's just like – he likes the party.

Hey, the party's great. But I think he partied during October when we had Sober October. And I still think he had a great fucking time. I saw his shows. It was like he was killing it.

Yeah. You know what I mean? It doesn't make it more of a party to get fucked up every night. It's just unsustainable.

That's what I worry about. When we first did the Sober October thing, that was part of the discussion. We were all like, hey, Bert drinks too much. Yeah. And I smoke too much weed.

Let's try to work this out. Yeah.

Turns out. smoking too much weed is way better for you. I think it is. He's on a bender right now, too, on this tour. he's on.

I'm sure. Jesus Christ. He looks like a moon pie. A moon pie with a beard. He's so swollen.

He's so swollen. This reminds me of that Joey Diaz line where I go, you've seen, Bert? He goes, so far. I thought he was a Chinese guy.

He's having a good time, though. He is having a good time. I'm very happy for him, too. I'm happy for the movie and these arenas. That festival is a huge success.

Watching him do these shows in these arenas and seeing these crowds, I'm like, wow. Yeah. It's pretty wild. It's pretty wild, dude. It is pretty wild.

You go back to him taking that chance and leaving the Travel Channel. Yeah. It was a big risk on his part, actually. That's the equivalent of, because we all knew comics like this. It's just the reality of what it is.

When you start working as a comedian and you have your circle of friends, there's a number of them who, as you, start to do road gigs, and these are low paying. You're not a ticket seller, you're just doing these gigs. You're like, are you going to do some of these gigs? They're like, nah, I have this job. The job provides the consistency and the comfort.

It's reliable. They're like, I'll get my paycheck. Yeah. Then what happens is, they're making more money than you because you're doing the bullshit comic. Then your comedy starts to get better because you're doing stand up all the time.

Then you get more opportunities. Then they go like, hey, I want to do that. But five years have gone by. Right. You're like, yeah, but you've been in this day job.

Yes. Then, all of a sudden, you're getting opportunities to do TV specials or comics. They want you to just grab their hand. Yeah. Then they go.

Take them with you on the road. What happened? You're like, well, you didn't take the leap. Bert had that comfort of that TV show. Yeah.

It's a good check. It's not a bullshit check. It's a good living. It's on TV. Yeah.

But when he decided, no, no, I got to go make a full leap, that's a leap. Yeah. That's a leap. Then it paid off, obviously, tremendously. Yeah.

You know the story. I called him up and he was on a motorcycle in Vietnam. Yeah. I was like, you got to quit that job. Yeah.

Yeah. But I was right. I was like, first of all, it's just not healthy for you or your family for you to be gone three, four months at a time. No. No.

It's crazy. And I know you're working and you got to do what you got to do, but it can't, it's not good for you. No. And also you're just, you're not reaching your potential as a standup. You're a hilarious guy.

Yeah. Great, on podcasts. Totally. That's where you should be focusing your energy. But back when he first got on that show, podcasts were bullshit.

Like when he first told the machine story on my podcast, who the fuck was watching it? No one's watching it. No, yeah. Podcasts were bullshit. So it was like me saying, go, do a podcast.

Like, what the fuck? Yeah. I have kids. I know. What are you talking about?

This isn't a job. I can't quit a TV job. Yeah. It sounds insane. Yeah.

Yeah. I think I, cause. I started to do big, like bigger shows and selling out clubs back then too. And he was like, how is this happening? I was like, you, just, I go, I'm doing standup all the time.

I do this podcast every week. I just got a special out and all of it combined together. And I was like, you can do this too. And he was like, oh, bro. And then, and then he was like, and then I remember him telling, he's like, I did it.

I'm not doing the, I quit. I'm not doing the travel channel. Amazing. I'm going to go all in. Well, it worked out.

Luckily. Yeah. Jesus Christ. I could go the other way too. Yeah.

But that thing about guys who don't take the leap, I bet that's in every walk of life where people just don't, but whatever it is, when you're, you're not all in, but if you're, if that's the fucking, the haunting thing about the comedy world, if you're not all in and someone else is, I remember when I was on fear factor. So I was, uh, you know, doing standup when I could, but God damn it. I was working a lot. I was working a lot. It was just, it was a lot of hours.

And I remember I'd go to the store and I'd run into someone who was a full-time comic. and they're on the road. Yeah. I just did a West Palm. I was there Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

I was like, oh, that sounds so much better. Sounds like so much more fun. Yeah. The talent shows. Yeah.

To me, it was like doing standup seems so much better. It just seemed like a better life. Like that's, that's what I'm, it's more interesting. You also have to have a, like. when I look back at the choices I made early on in standup, you know, you actually are in a bit of denial about how bad you are.

Well, not just how bad you are, how bad your life is. Like, I mean, I'm not living in a, like. all my friends with regular jobs have a much better quality of life. But here's the thing. It didn't even bother me really.

Yeah. Because you wanted it so bad. Yeah. I just wanted it so bad. I'm saying you have a bit of, you have a delusion, almost, right?

Like people see where you live and they're like, how much money are you making? But you're used to it. You're so used to it. As long as you're used to it, it's fine. If you, now one thing would be like, say if you had some white collar job and you're making six figures a year, and then you decided to go into standup and then you were living in the place like you were living in when I met you, then it would suck a fat dick.

Yeah. Because you'd be like, fuck, now I'm falling apart. It's very difficult for people to downsize with the intention of upsizing eventually. It's, it's almost impossible. It's hard.

Yeah. But if that, you would be so much happier if you could kind of get by doing what you like to do. Yeah. And then you could eventually make more money doing that. But the more money thing, the most important thing is what are you, are you doing what you want to do?

Because we don't have much time. We just don't. I'm 55.. I'll be 56 in a month. That's 56..

That's old as shit. When I was a kid, I thought 56 year old people were archaic wrecks. Yeah. That were, that could barely stand up. I know.

You're in the doctor's office every couple of weeks, something's falling apart. Yeah, but look at you, man. You're happy. Yeah. You're thriving.

Luckily. Luckily. I got lucky. I hit the science. Yeah.

And knowledge. Yeah. And, you know, fitness world. Yeah. And vitamin supplementation, hormone supplementation.

All of it came right when I got old. Right. It was like, whee, I just rode the wave. That's true. Some of the stuff is just like the luck of timing, right?

A hundred percent. Yeah. A hundred percent. Well, also our lives, I think about this all the time. If we were exactly the same guys we are now, but we were at this age in like 1999..

We're fucked. This is a totally different life. Yeah. Totally different life. Yeah.

Different life. First of all, no phones. Well, in 99 you had phones. Yeah. But, I mean, imagine 1919..

You're fucked. Oh. You're fucked. Life is terrible. Yeah.

Life's shit. Yeah. I mean, we got, as much as people complain about today, we got it fucking super easy. Oh, yeah. It's very nice.

Well, if it was 1919, first of all, when I broke my arm, they'd just be like, we're just going to cut you off. We'll just saw it off, bite this leather strap. Yeah. That's what happened back then, too. Oh, yeah.

You broke things and they'd be like, well, you're just a cripple. Yeah. You're a cripple now, forever. We'll give you this cane and this wheelbarrow, like you can just lean on this wheelbarrow and kind of wheel that into town. When did they start setting bones?

Ah, fuck it. What year was that? When they'd stop hacking people's arms off? I don't know, dude. It's not that long ago.

For sure. Have you ever seen that video of the guy who's playing the banjo and his arm is broken and he never got it fixed? So, his arm is like floating around. It's so crazy, dude. Like, he's got the detachment between the two bones.

This guy. Look at this. It never rehealed. No. And I still work and stuff.

Yeah. I still work. That is crazy. I mean, look. No.

That is ridiculous. No. But you know how insane that is? You put that together and play the banjo? Yeah.

Yeah. Look at this.

Wow. When I have a thing, though, it keeps them straight. You know what I'm saying? That's amazing, dude. You know, the muscles...

Well, that's one word for it. Actually, that's one word to speak out right now. I mean... Imagine how weak that guy is in arm wrestling. I bet you could fuck him up.

You know what I'm saying? I mean, can he even open a jar of mayonnaise? Can he fucking... What can you do with that arm? It's really incredible.

You know what I think is kind of interesting? I had a double whammy when I got injured. I tore my patellar tendon on my leg. At the same time. Patellar tendon tear is not like MCL, ACL.

That leg is completely useless. There's no hinge anymore. Right. So your knee doesn't... It just hangs.

Right. Right. So you have to reattach the tendon. And for that to heal and be able to use it again, it takes... Just for it to heal takes about two months.

Then your muscle has atrophied completely. Like your quad has completely atrophied. So you have to learn how to walk and learn how to do steps again. And learn how to... It's a complete, complete debilitating type of injury.

So when I got... And they're both at the same time. So when I got injured, all the people in the hospital, doctors, PTs, they all looked at my arm. They're like, that's not going to be a problem. Right.

And you think about it. You're like, yeah, you see people in casts all the time. They're like, you'll be fine with that. That leg, that's going to be your problem. And it ended up being the opposite.

Really? Oh, that's right. Because of the nerve damage. I still have problems. Yeah?

I still have nerve issues. Yeah. How bad is it now? Well, you know an interesting thing? Remember, we did Sobra October?

Mm-hmm. Do you remember? I showed you me doing push-ups with my shirt off? Mm-hmm. So my left rhomboid wasn't even firing.

Mm-hmm. Right? So what happens is when you have a muscle, a nerve sends a signal to your muscle. If there's nerve trouble going to that muscle, the muscle just doesn't fire. So when I was doing push-ups, because that wasn't firing, you have other muscles that compensate.

That's the way your body works, right? So if you're going like this and that rhomboid doesn't fire, then your lat starts to pick up for it. Right? And it's doing it unbeknownst to your mind. It's just doing it on its own.

So it took me like six months to recover from the hundred push-ups a day. Wow. Because I wasn't able to use the full strength of my body to do a normal push-up. Is it firing now? It's firing now, because I actually have been treating.

I went to this place called Wired, and they put these. Oh, yeah, neuromuscular stimulation. Yeah, that's really good. That helped a lot. Electrical, rather.

Electrical, muscular stimulation. That EMS stuff is really good for injury recovery. That has helped me quite a bit. But I still, the thing that I have is like this, great, like weird, I don't know how to even describe it, arm pain. When like, if I try to like, if we were to like, if I was to jam you like this, like hands, it sends an incredibly painful signal through my arm.

Wow. Especially like the bicep tendon, things like that. So I'm just always like, I'm trying new things. I do different things in the gym. I do treatments like that.

I'm going to get another nerve analysis done where they send these signals through your arm. Have you done any hyperbaric chamber stuff? No. You should do that. Yeah, I've heard that.

That's supposed to be very good with people with nerve issues. I'm going to try it. You know, it's double the atmosphere. Yeah. It really helps recover.

You just sit in there, right? You can just read a book. Yeah. Yeah. I'll try that.

It's very relaxing. It's no big deal. But it's funny though, because you think, oh, broken arm, just throw a cast on that thing and you'll be done. No. And it's been, yeah, it's been a couple of years.

It's not completely healed. That's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Injuries, the one good thing about injuries is when you do get over them, if you could remember, because when you're injured, you're like, God damn it, why wasn't I appreciating being healthy?

Yeah. Same way I feel when I'm sick. Exactly. Yeah. Well, you said, you know, you asked me about like turning points.

Mm-hmm. The other big one was that, you know, about. a little over a year ago, I realized that I was just regressing again. And that was actually the big turning point for me. Mm-hmm.

It was that I had kind of recovered for the most part from the injuries. And I was like, okay, I'm like healthy again. And I felt myself regressing again. Mm-hmm. I went to shoot this thing and I was like, I just saw myself.

I was like, oh, I'm going backwards again. It bothered me. Is it food? I think it was food. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. But I just, I kind of was like, oh, I can't go back again. Dude, that carnivore diet kills all that. Really?

You just can't overeat. You don't overeat. It's wild. Are you doing that right now? Yeah.

It's wild. I know when to stop eating. It's like if I am eating, say, like a steak and mashed potatoes and French fries and other stuff and bread, bread and butter, I'll just keep eating the mashed potatoes. Even after I'm done eating steak, I'll keep eating fries. I'll have another piece of bread.

And all that stuff is just empty calories. Yeah, it's carbohydrates. It's not empty. But it's just, it's unnecessary. You're eating more than your body's going to burn off.

And it's just, for me, it's gluttony. What's a normal day for your eating? Like what do you, what's? breakfast? Today was Neel Guy steaks and bacon.

So I cooked a couple of these small Neel Guy steaks. Neel Guy is an antelope that I shot in Texas. Oh, wow. So I fried that and fried, I fried bacon first. And then I cooked the Neel Guy in bacon fat.

Because you need fat. Neel Guy is a very lean animal. And if you're in, you know, a fat burning state, which is the one I'm in right now. You have to have some sort of fats. So, like, I like avocado oil.

I like some of that Primal Kitchen mayonnaise that's made with avocado oil. I'm not like avoiding vegetables per se. But I'm 100%. I'm avoiding bread and pasta and all that other bullshit. And just, when I, if I have like, I'll have a piece of asparagus every now and then.

But I'm not like thinking about vegetables. I take a shit ton of vitamins. You take fruit, you eat fruit too? Yeah, I eat fruit. When I want to.

But most of my meals are steak and eggs. Most of my meals. Most of my meals, are steak, eggs, steak, bacon. That's most of my meals. And I feel fucking great.

What's wild is joint pain. Like, I've had a left knee. that's been fucking with me forever. And I don't feel anything now. It's been two months on this diet, two plus months now.

And it's like, it just accelerated the healing. You feel way better. I think. when you're eating a lot of shit, your body is in a state of inflammation. Like, I think most people are in, you know, there's a scale of like how much inflammation your body's carrying.

And you don't think about inflammation, because it's just how you are. And you're not eating anything crazy. I had spaghetti for dinner and I had a Subway sandwich for lunch. I'm not eating McDonald's. And you think you're not eating inflammation causing foods, but you are.

And you don't realize it until you cut those out of your diet. So much sugar. I think it's sugar, but I also think there's a lot going on with wheat. I think with the complex glutens, and, I mean, and there could possibly be something with glyphosate. There's a lot of people that say glyphosate is Roundup.

That's that chemical that they spray on weeds that they found something like 94% of people have it in their blood. You know, and the pesticide apologist will say, oh, it's just a small number. It's hardly anything. It's fucking poison. It's 100% cancer causing poison and 94% of people have it in their body.

And, by the way, if they're measuring it and you're getting an average of what these people have in it. Well, who's, what's the high end? There's got to be some zeros too, right? There's got to be people who only eat organic and they don't have any in them. So what's the high end?

Like how bad off are those people? What are people that, how about people that work on a farm? Like what's their. You're just breathing that in all day. What's their fucking blood work?

look like? Yeah. Like what, you know, there's a better way to do it and they don't want to do it the better way. Cause it's more expensive and it's difficult, you know, like to do a regenerative farm. But if you do it this way with Roundup and they use it everywhere, there's like, this stuff is fucking sketchy.

Yeah. I've never really spent time thinking much about how wheat affects me personally. You know what I mean? Like. I've never been, the one that I do think about a lot is sugar.

Yeah. And also because I'm somebody who I can, just, I have to just deny myself. Cause, like I get into like a pattern. Right, right, right. Where, like, if I give myself like, and also it's like, there's this thing where you realize that you can really kind of fall into peer pressure, kind of situation.

Oh, for sure. You know, you're just like, you're hanging out and you're like, try one of these. And you're gonna like, okay. And you like it, whatever. Some pastry or something.

And then you see it tomorrow and you're like, that was good yesterday. I'm gonna get it today. And then I get into a pattern where I just, I have to deny myself. You get excited about that mouth pleasure. I do.

You know what I used to get for? Chocolate croissants. Buddy, I used to be with you. Do you know where we used to get them? Buddy.

At the fucking Terminal 5 Delta.

When that was, they had that place. I remember I would get off the plane with you. And it was coming back to LA. It was on the way back. Yeah.

And we would arrive in the morning. And you're like, these are fucking good. And I was like, mm-hmm. And then you're like, it's just one. I can do this.

And I was like, yeah, me too.

I would think that we're the same. So I'd shove one down my throat. And I was like, Joe's right. These are good. And then I'd go home and go to a fucking bakery and be like, can I get a dozen chocolate croissants?

I mean, yeah, dude. I fucking, that might be my favorite treat of all. Chocolate croissant's, pretty damn good. The buttery ones with the real, the mushy chocolate inside. Warm.

I was just in Paris. Ooh. Paris. I've been to Paris. National channel.

Je n'ai parlé pas français. Wow. But I was, I always talk about, I mean, I do have an affection for croissants. I really do. Awesome.

And I was like, we're in Paris. I was talking about, like, oh, I got to sample some croissants in Paris. My fucking tour manager went out. one morning, comes back, and he goes, I got something for you. I go, what?

He goes, I went and picked up the, like, the best croissants in Paris. Wow. And he had, like, a, and he gave me, like, a sampling of these croissants. How good were they? They were unbelievable.

They looked pretty damn good. Yeah. They were so unbelievable. What did you write? You know how to say them?

Well, I stammered through it. Fondue chocolat. Yeah. I think they told me that in Paris, they say chocolatine for a chocolate croissant. They don't say, we don't say a croissant de chocolat.

We say a chocolatine. Chocolatine. Yeah, but we were definitely tearing them up in Paris. France is falling apart right now. Isn't that wild?

Is it? France is falling apart? Did you see what's going on? I mean, when I was there, there was. Oh, when I was there, there was big riots.

Big ones. Did you see? the riots from, the police killed a guy? No. When I was there, it was about the retirement age.

Oh, this is way worse. This is way, way worse. What's the issue? This is the last few days. What is the issue?

Somebody got murdered. There's been fucking gunfire in the streets, lighting businesses on fire for like five days. It's been like the purge. Some of the videos are insane. It is.

French teen shot by police officer, pleads with riders to stop the violence. So, something happened. I don't know the details of the story, but the police shot some guy. During a riot? No.

Oh. No. I think they shot him in a, was it a traffic stop?

Oh. Tensions erupt in Paris suburb after a 17-year-old delivery driver is killed in a police standoff. I don't know what happened. He was shot and killed by police officer Tuesday in a Paris suburb. According to the family's lawyer, the death unleashed tensions between angry residents setting barricades on fire and police firing tear gas.

Police officer was detained on suspicion of manslaughter. According to the prosecutor's office in the Paris suburb of Nanterre,

it said the shooting took place during a traffic check. The victim was wounded by a gunshot and died at the scene. The prosecutor's office said in a statement, a passenger in the car was briefly detained and released. The police are searching for another passenger who fled.

So, what was it that happened?

Do we know what happened?

Okay. The lawyer cited a video, reported to be, of the incident circulating online that shows two police officers leaning into the driver's side window of a yellow car before the vehicle pulls away and one officer fires towards the driver. The car is later seen crashed into a post nearby. So, they tried to take off and he shot them.

So, is this what prompted these riots though? Yes. Okay. Yes. Isn't that crazy?

that description of what happened in the traffic stop seems so routine here? Like, there's an endless series of videos that you can watch of something similar to that. It always feels like it's very US. Yeah. Like, we always have incidents in traffic stops.

Sure. Which are, you know, I'm not saying blame is always one way or the other. It's, you know, sometimes it's the person in the car. Sure. But that just seems like a really routine thing here.

You know what people have to think about with cops? I know it's very hard to do if you're not a cop, but I want you to try. You know that feeling that you get when you're driving on the highway? There's a reason why people get road rage. Road rage, rather.

There's a reason why they get road rage, too. Yeah, there is. There's a reason why they get road rage. And the reason why they get road rage is when you're on the road and you're driving, you're in a heightened state because your car is going 60 miles an hour. So, you're ready at any time to hit the brakes, change lanes.

So, you're in this heightened state. And then, when someone does something, like, you, fucking idiot. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Yeah.

Where you would never do that. Like, it took me a while to realize this. I forget where I read it. And then, when I read it, I was like, duh. Because I was always like, how come nobody treats people like that when they're walking?

Yeah. No one ever does that. You're protected by this. If someone gets in front of you when you're walking, you're like, oh, the guy got in front of me. It's not an issue at all.

But in a car, you're like, oh, you fucking asshole. Fucking piece of shit. You fucking cut in front of me. Yeah. That's what it is, because you're in a heightened state.

Now, imagine being a cop. And every time you pull someone over, we've all seen those videos of cops getting shot. Oh, yeah. We've all seen those videos of cops pulling people over. And then the windows explode and people fire on them.

We've all seen those. They've seen them, too. They know people who've been shot. Yeah. They have no idea who you are.

They have no idea what's going on. No. So when they come up to that car, they are at a heightened state. They have to be. They are literally, to a criminal, they're the professional enemy.

Yeah. Their job is to be the enemy of the criminal. Yeah. It's a fucking crazy position to be in in society. And we don't treat it with enough respect.

Yeah. And when it goes badly, all we think about is that officer. That's a representative of all police officers. But it's not true. It's true.

I think a lot of people, too, it's kind of hard. Like, a lot of people, they go into getting pulled over with a heightened sense of emotion themselves. Sure. Which, if you are that person getting pulled over for whatever you got pulled over for, if that's your mentality in that moment, you are actually going to escalate things. You are, as the person getting pulled over.

And it does take an effort to go, okay, this guy, like you said, he's walking up here in a heightened state. Yeah. Like, I can diffuse things. I can diffuse them. Yes.

By how I conduct this. Yes. But some people, you know, first you have the people that are like the legal scholars who want to lecture the police officer on his rights. Like, yeah, you can do that, man. Right.

Or there's the, I have friends. even. I have friends who are like, I hate cops. Cops are all pigs. You know, like, and I've watched them speak to police officers in a way where I'm like, Jesus Christ, man.

Yeah. Like, it's so disrespectful. So stupid. I go, yeah. I go, but you are making this worse.

Right. That's a human being. Yeah, yeah. You don't have to like. You don't know them.

Yeah, you don't have to get on your knees. Right. But, you know, just like, he's doing his thing. Just like, let's try to, let's try to smooth this thing out. Let's not try to make it worse.

Let's try to make it better. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, if I ever have an interaction with a cop, it's always, how you doing, sir? Yeah. What's happening, brother?

Everything good? Yeah. I want it smooth and easy. Completely. Yeah.

Yeah. And just that whole, that just, but I fucking, that, those kind of generalizations, all cops are pigs, are, fuck off. No, it's not good. Fuck off. That's, I don't like those generalizations with anything.

Women are stupid. Shut, fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. No, it's.

It's just, it's just annoying. No, you're like, most women are stupid. But. No. But if you go, if you go into.

Anything. Yeah, like that, you're gonna. Any interaction with the fucking, with a retail worker, a fucking auto mechanic. Yeah. Anything.

Any interaction. And sometimes, I think, if this comes with age, sometimes you do meet a real piece of shit. Oh yeah. Like, it can be a police officer, it can be the mechanic, it can be. Car salesman.

The car, oh fuck, the car salesman, flight attendant. Yeah. And I used to take, I used to, I would say, I call it, take the bait more, right? Feel the rage, be, become, like, escalate things. Yeah?

Well, yeah. I'd be like, I mean, I've said some regrettable things to people. You know? Because, but I mean, like, I think, with age. now, some, one of the things that happens is you go like, I, you know, I think this person sucks, and internally, and I go, I'm just, like, I had a, I had a flight where, I've been on, I don't know, a million flights, right?

And it was early morning cross country flight. And the flight attendant, I was like, she was like, you want breakfast? I was like, well, I'm going to zonk out here. So maybe, maybe when I wake up in a little while, she goes, no. She goes, it's breakfast now.

Whoa. And I looked at her and I was like, I was like that. I was just processing. I was like, that's like, it was super rude. When did that change?

Pandemic? Did they just fire a bunch of people that had been there for a long time and hire a bunch of new people and pay them less? I, I have a real trigger too, for like disrespect or even perceived disrespect, you know, where I, I then become like, I've, and I almost got arrested at an airport one, one time for this, you know, I ended up calling the TSA agent a pig, but, but again, that was a few years ago. But this was like this, I looked at her and I was like, and in my mind I was, I was, I could have said like escalated things. And I just thought, I go, you know what?

This like, I don't know why. she's an asshole. I don't know what's going on. I just went, yeah, I think I'm just going to sleep. I go, I'm just going to sleep.

She's like, okay. I just walked away. And she was like, she was clearly rude. Yeah. And, and like, I'd never been spoken, like most flight attendants, when you go, I'm going to, I was going to sleep.

They're like, yeah, I'll check on you later. See, if you want to eat, then. Like, yeah, we'll keep it warm for you. She was so rude, but I just was like, just why make this a thing? You know, I was just like, I go, I'm just going to sleep.

It might be hard to find people to do that. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Yeah.

No, they have huge, the biggest issue in the, in commercial air travel right now is staffing. Really? It's still staffing. Really? Absolutely.

It's still staffing. It's, it's why you'll, you're finding an incredible number of delays. It's not just staffing for airlines. It's also staffing at air traffic control. So all those, all that is together.

If you fly commercially, you'll notice that, like, I mean, it is a miracle to board and take off and land on time. Almost everything is delayed. It is delayed. You have, you have a lot of times, you're, everything is functioning. well, then you get there.

I can't tell you like how many flights are just like, well, everyone's, everything's ready to go. And they're like, yeah, the crew's not here. Crew's here. This crew has to swap out. They've maxed out their hours.

Now we're waiting for a new crew. This is like over and over. And then it happens at air traffic control, but they are not fully staffed yet either. So this just is a huge delay thing. I mean, commercial travel just needs to be revamped.

Well, Pete Buttigieg is doing a great job. Yeah. Sure. Doing great. He's the best.

He's the best at it.

He's handling it. Don't worry. Don't worry. He's got it covered. Who's this?

Pete Buttigieg. Oh yeah. That's my guy. What is he? Is he the guy?

He's the guy in charge of transportation. That's a fucking shit show. He's in charge of the fucking trains flying off the rails. You've done a terrible job, Pete. So was it?

during COVID, did people get fired, and then they decided to do other things, and they never took the jobs again? Some people got fired. I think more people were even just let go. There's a lot of places that had to shut down their operations. They had no more revenue coming in, so they let people go.

And then you've seen what happened with commercial real estate. Commercial real estate is upside down in this country. Is it? Yes. You know why?

Why? Because people don't want to go to offices still anymore. Yeah. They want to do remote work. They want to do remote work.

So the people who, if you have these big commercial buildings, I mean, it used to be like this

huge asset to own this commercial real estate, and now it's like a liability because you have empty offices, dude. You have empty offices all over the country. You can't fill them up. You can't force people. Then there's companies that have just, I know somebody that owns a company that said, he goes, like a lot of people, goes, I wanted people to come here.

I want them in the office. And he was met with such total resistance because I just realized I had to allow it. Like if we were going to continue to operate. Wow. So he just gave in to his employees going, no, we don't want to do that.

Wow. Yeah. And it's a sizable operation he has. Wow. So people just say, no, I want to work at home.

Yeah. And they're like, and I've been working and I'm effective. And to a degree, they are like, in his case, he's like, the work was getting done. I just prefer to have everybody operating the way we normally had. But he was like, everybody was like, no, I used to, I had to do an hour and a half commute every day.

I haven't done that now in two years. I don't want to do it again. And then he had to go like, okay. As long as they're disciplined and as long as they're actually effective, I could see that. Then you got the stupid ass office.

What do we do with this place, with all these offices? Hence, why this commercial real estate business is in the shitter. Wow. I wonder what happens with that. Because it doesn't seem like that's going to change.

But there are a lot of CEOs that are supposedly pushing back on all this stuff. I keep reading articles every day. I think the interesting thing is, you know how people always adapt, right? Mm-hmm. Nothing just goes, if something's losing money, people don't just go, well, I guess we'll just lose money forever.

Right. There is going to be a point, and maybe it's happening now, where you're going to start seeing something done with this commercial property. If things stay vacant, they're not just going to hold onto that for 15 years. Yeah. They're going to turn that into something.

I was reading some dipshit comedian on Twitter saying that they should turn all that into housing for homeless people. Yeah, that is very popular. That's really good. if you don't own the building, you fucking communist. Yeah.

What are you talking about? I mean, I got to say, that also reminds me of this, and I know this will be unpopular for a lot of people to hear, but the idea of forgiving student loans, it's a fantastic theory. But one thing that nobody considers, who is a huge advocate of that, is, okay, so somebody owns that debt. That debt is owned. So are you saying, when you say forgive, are you saying that the government will just pay all of that debt?

Do you have an idea? the amount of debt that that is? Somebody owns the debt. So if you go, forgive the debt, to what degree? Are you just saying, erase it?

It doesn't just disappear. The debt is owned. Right. So when you say, just pay it, who? Who, are you saying, will pay it?

In taxes? Right, everybody's going to pay it then. Right. So the debt just doesn't get. erased, is my point.

But there is a bizarre issue with student loan debt, that student loan debt is the only debt that you can't declare bankruptcy. Yeah, that part is-. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy.

That doesn't make any sense. But when you say, forgive it, it's not just, I think a lot of people say that and they go, I just don't want to pay this. Yeah, of course, I understand that. But you realize that somebody has to pay it. Debt doesn't just go into the sky.

Right. Somebody owns that debt. So who's going to pay it? If you say that the government will forgive student loans, I mean, that amount has to be in like the trillions. I wonder what it is.

Let's find out. What's the collective student loan debt in the United States as of 2020?. I do know there is a differentiation in this conversation that it's federal student loan debt, not private student loan debt, which is a big difference. Okay. Because that's companies that do own that debt versus, like the government, that granted.

So this is just federal student loans. I'm pretty sure of that. Okay. So there's two different types of loan debt. So I'd want to know what it is compared to the military, industrial, complex budget.

Oh, yeah. Right. That budget is astronomical. That's the budget, boy. They accidentally paid an extra $6 billion to Ukraine.

They're like, whoops. Whoopsie. See, this statement, I don't know if this is differentiating that either. It says it's 1.78 trillion in student loan debt. That's a lot, dude.

To the U.S. That's more than people owe on any other type of debt in the U.S. except for mortgages. Though the Biden administration is trying to forgive hundreds of billions of dollars in student loan balances. That's more than people owe on any other type of debt in the U.S.

Well, except for mortgages. But I mean, you see what I'm saying? Like if you just say, hey, erase this debt. Okay. I mean, I get it.

But you do understand that that has to come from somewhere. It's not just them going-, It's on air debt. Yeah. That is both. That is federal and private together.

Okay. So that's all of it. 1.75 trillion. Click on that, so we can see what it says there. It says on average,

it says the cost of college has steadily increased over the last 30 years. That time frame, tuition costs at public four-year colleges grew from $4,160 to $10,740.. And from $19,360 to $38,070.. That's crazy. At private, non-profit institutions, adjusted for inflation.

All costs have risen. So has the need for student loans and other forms of financial aid. Imagine if you're a person that makes $100,000 a year and your kid is going to school and it costs $38,000 a year. And then your kid gets out and they get a $50,000 a year job and you realize they're never going to pay this back. It's insane.

What they're doing, it is- That's what they wanted to get rid of. It says 92% of all student debt are federal student loans. The remaining amount is private student loans. Okay, so it's a trillion. It's a trillion plus.

Yeah. That's a lot, dude. It's a lot. And so how much have we spent on Ukraine and how much are we going to spend on Ukraine? But here's the thing.

If you forgave that debt, wouldn't that spark the economy? Wouldn't? if people have more money- The thing about when people have more money, people spend more money. When people spend more money, the economy does better. If people are straddled with student loan debt, I've got to think that somehow or another cripples the economy.

I don't think you're wrong in theory about that. It would seem that you'd obviously have more to do if you could do more with your money. And it's not like you're giving people money. You're just absolving them of debt. Which is a huge one.

The real problem is the whole predatory student loan situation. That's a real problem. And it's also a real problem to saddle down a 17-year-old with debt that they will keep for the rest of their life. And they hit you at that same time at the student union with your first credit card. And they're like, just use this.

And it's got 29.9%? You're like, insane. You don't know what the fuck you're doing. And you need to do it to build your credit. I need to.

I need to build my credit. And you're paying 26 bucks a month for a coffee you bought. It's crazy. It is crazy. Yeah, the whole thing is insane.

But it's insane that we do it to kids. Because, you know, kids don't have a sense of the future. They just don't. They've only been alive for 18 years. 18 years is not enough time to figure out what kind of debt you're going to be in when you're 70..

Don't you wonder, too, why, when we're in school, and it's still not a thing, when kids are in school, we don't really teach them about money. You don't learn shit about money. You don't learn shit. I'm saying at any level. Elementary school, high school.

We don't learn shit about anything you need to manage life. No. You're basically learning how to say words and not form sentences. Yeah, you don't learn about money. You don't learn about nutrition.

Nope. Nothing about that. You don't learn about thinking. No. I mean, you know how many kids could be saved from a lifetime of bullshit if you just explained to them why jealousy, why it affects them?

Sure, emotions. Yeah, and explain that these are just natural human emotions that we evolve. But you have to learn how to conquer that. You learn that one of the most amazing—it seems like it's something you should be taught in middle school—is feel feelings. Let them sit.

Yeah. When you feel jealous, you're not supposed to never feel jealous. Right. But you learn to go, okay, that's the feeling. Yeah.

And this is why I feel jealous about it. And guess what? All feelings, they dissipate. They get worse. They extend when you fight them, when you resist.

I don't want to feel it. And you don't want to actually process the feeling and deal with it. I mean, having that understanding that all those emotions are natural to have, it's like it really is something that could serve you so much better to learn younger. I don't want to learn that at 40.. Right.

Teach me that at 13.. Right. You know? Yeah. It would make high school a lot easier to deal with.

Yeah. I mean, they should teach kids the value of exercise in terms of mental health, the benefits that it has on that. Nope. You have to figure that out on your own. Yeah.

You figure that out through trial and error, through your own life. Totally. Yeah. Nobody's teaching, unless you listen to podcasts, nobody's teaching you that in school. How to think.

No. No one's teaching you how to think. And no one who you admire, who lives a good life, is teaching you how they do it. Yeah. You know, that's another thing.

People are real stingy with, you know, their own personal success formulas. Oh, yeah. Well, that's one of my big, like, the litmus test for a good person. Like, when I go, this is a cool motherfucker, is people who are willing to share information. It's a really, like, it's a gauge for, like, a solid person.

Yeah. It's when you go, like, how did you build this studio? There's the person who goes, it just takes work. I had my guys. And you're like, all right.

Right? That's them going, like, I'm not going to tell you. Right. It's mine. Exactly.

Here's his card. Give him a call. He's awesome. It's like people who share information, whatever it is, are the people who don't have that insecurity that, like, well, if you have it, then it's no longer mine. Right.

And by the way, it's only good. It's good for the person. Like, say, it's someone who does something. You need a mechanic. I have the best fucking mechanic in Austin.

This guy's the shit. Yeah. I'll tell you about him. I'll fucking, you know. Yeah.

And then, if you do that, and then he gets work. Yeah. And then he goes, oh, Joe says you're awesome. Oh, that's nice. He feels good.

Isn't that amazing, though? Yeah. How people, some people, are like, no, that's my mechanic. Yeah, but if I call, if I give you him, I need my fucking car worked on first. First, yeah.

First. Yeah, yeah. Okay? It's such a stupid thing. So you got to tell me if you're going to bring your car in.

Because if I need my car worked on, I called first. Ugh. It's gross. It's just famine. Famine mentality.

Yeah. It's common in everything. It's a stupid mindset. But it also comes from being around groups of people that think that way. Yeah.

If you get fortunate enough to be around someone who doesn't think that way. I'm very fortunate in martial arts. Because in martial arts, it's a very meritocracy-based thing. And it's also, you need really good people to get good. Yeah.

So everybody, like, cherishes and also respects and celebrates people that are really good. Yeah. Because it's like, it's good for everybody. It is. It's good in comedy, too.

When you see someone killing, you're like, damn, go watch this guy. Watch this guy. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah.

And then you get a juice. You get a little juice out of it. Yeah. If you look at it the right way. You do.

Watching great stand-up is, like, medicinal. It is inspiring. Yes. Yes. And it makes you go, like, I mean, I think I told you this, that, like, when I was at the club and Attell was in town, it was just a great reminder.

Not just watching him on stage, which was fantastic, but just hanging out with him. Yes. It just took me, like, it actually took me back to, like, oh yes, like, hanging out with somebody like this in the green room reminds you of all the things you love about doing stand-up. The green room at that club has been the greatest thing that I've ever experienced. Yeah, it's been great.

Because I knew, well, first of all, I knew the setup was perfect because both rooms are right next to the, the green room is in the center. In the middle, yeah. In the center. It's literally, I mean, you can go from the green room onto the little stage in 30 seconds. Yeah.

And then you can go downstairs to get to the other one and you're watching on the monitors and you've got the balcony. Yeah. It's so centrally located. It's so perfect. Yeah.

And you, you're above, you can go watch the show from the balcony. Yeah. So, anytime, like, you know, Shane Gillis is on stage. Go out there and watch his set. Watch his set.

Ah! And you go back inside and everybody's laughing. It's fucking amazing. It's great. The hang is so good.

Yeah. It's all about the hang. Because that was the best, you know, as we used to always say that, about the store too. is that what was the best part of the store? You go to the parking lot.

Yeah. It's standing in the parking lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just shooting the shit with people. But this is, we have a parking lot with a bar.

Yeah. And a private bathroom. Yeah. It's like, the whole thing is set up. It's nice.

It's awesome. It's so nice. But the, just the, to be able to be around those guys all the time. Rich Voss was in last week. Yeah.

Oh my God, he's fun. I was, uh. I think Tony Woods is there this weekend. I was trying to, because I only came in for the night. Um, but I, I was trying to make it last night and I got delayed.

I couldn't get money. Is Tony Woods there this weekend? Tony Woods is a funny motherfucker. Tony Woods is so funny. Oh my God, he's so good.

I was so excited to get him in here. He went to the Vulcan. That fucking guy went on stage at the Vulcan with some shit that he was just talking about in the green room. Like, and something, not a bit. Yeah.

Organic. Yeah. And then went on stage and was killing for five minutes with it. Yeah. Just so smooth.

He's so smooth. So, what a veteran. Tony was a veteran when I met him. Yeah. So, I met him in like 92?.

Yeah. Somewhere around there. And no, and no, like, arrogance about that guy. Sends me Bible verses. Yeah.

Sends me Bible verses and tells me God bless me. All the time. All the time, dude. There he is. People don't even know.

He's so good, folks. If you get this, when is this coming out? Is this coming out tomorrow? Tomorrow. Yeah.

So, if you get this, July 7th through 9th, Tony Woods at the Mothership. It's probably already sold out. Can't recommend it enough. He's so good. I did Shoreline Amphitheater in Northern California.

I think that's what it's called. Just north of San Francisco. With Chappelle and like a lineup. You know, like a festival style lineup. Dude, Tony Woods went up like fifth and did, I don't know, 20 minutes?

18, 20 minutes? And it was 22,000 people. Woo! And he got a standing ovation. And the rest of us just looked at each other and we were like, oh, shit.

We all had to go after him. We were like, fuck. And he got off and I go, what the fuck was that? And he's standing ovation. He goes, it was a college set.

Because it was like a set that he did at college. It was a college set. And I go, what the fuck, man? What are you talking about? It's a college set.

That's how calm he is. But also, Chappelle fans know. Like real hardcore Chappelle fans know. Yeah, that Dave was really inspired by Tony. And Tony took him under his wing.

Yes. Dave was like a teenager. A teenager. In D.C. Yeah.

And they've been friends for decades. Yeah. I'm so glad the internet sort of brought Tony Woods back in people's mind. Yeah. You guys don't know.

If you have not seen this guy, truly a masterful stand-up. Masterful. The best guy. Yeah. He's on the podcast Thursday?

Thursday. So fucking funny. I love that guy. He's the sweetest guy in the world, man. The funny thing is he's probably done what I just described to you so many times.

And if you brought it up to him, he'd be like, oh, yeah, you know, I'm out there killing. Yeah, you know. But it's that guy that has a total lack of promotion. He doesn't promote. He has zero promotion in him.

He doesn't promote anything. Yeah. Unfortunately. Because the talent level is through the fucking roof. He's one of the best comics on earth.

Totally. Top 20 on earth. I bet he could also, is one of the guys who legitimately, like at your club, if he wanted to, could do like five different sets. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

He's been around forever. And he just, he's got material and everything. That's my theme park set, man.

Oh, that's, Cowboys Are In Town. You know. What the fuck?

Is that your new hour? That's from 96, man. Okay. Yeah. No, he's a murderer.

Yeah. It's so good. But, you know, it's like, that's. the beautiful thing about this business is you will run into those guys that are much more talented than they are popular. It's interesting.

And then you run into people that are much more popular than they are talented. Yes. People that are really good at staying popular. That's a skill set. That's what you'll realize the longer you do this.

And I think that is only relevant in the internet age. Yes. In the age of this where, like people, there are people who always have that thing of like, they know how to get people talking about them. Yes. And juiced up about them.

Mm-hmm. And it becomes like the thing that they actually worked on. Right. You go, what have you been working on? They're like staying popular.

Right. Look at my promotions. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a big thing. But then you look at their standup and you go, you got to do that with that stuff. I remember. I remember like an early version of this, where this guy was like, can you get me on stage at this club?

And he had, he had, I kind of knew, I didn't know him. well. I probably should have listened to my own inner dialogue about that. But I was like, you know, you feel the pressure when the person's right in front of you. So I go, all right.

So the club owner is there. And I go, can my friend do a spot? And they're like, is he good? And I'm like, yeah.

So he goes up and he, he pretty much just eats shit. Right. And I was like, fuck. And so, of course, the club guy's like, the fuck. was that?

Right. And I'm like, I don't know. So I talked to him and I go, dude, you know, he goes, if you'll let me do another set on the Late Show, I'll do a different set. And I was like, yeah. So I go, let him do a different set on the Late Show.

And the club owner's like, no, are you sure? And I'm like, yeah, yeah. And here's the thing. How many years in were you? A few, not many.

Not now. And I go, no, no, no. And I go, I go, all right. Here's the thing. The reason I even brought this up is that the guy, this is years ago, had like the best website I'd ever seen at the time.

I was like, his website's fucking amazing. And like all his marketing tools were incredible. Yeah. You know, like he had like cool business card and like you went to his site and you're like, shit, it looks like. They geolocate.

Yeah, dude. Like his site looked like fucking Nike built it. You know, I was like, this thing is fucking rad, you know. And he goes up on the second, for his second set. Not only does he eat shit, but he does the same set as the first.

Right. And I go, dude, you did the same shit. And he was just like, ah, yeah. And I could see he was in the. And I actually left.

I go, all your shit is cool. Your website. I go, you got to work more on what you're doing on stage. So, like, that's your priority. Don't you think, though, that that's like a distraction, because they're not working on that other stuff?

A thousand percent. So they concentrate on the promotion, because they're distracting themselves from the fact they're not working on the difficult stuff. And not only is that 100 percent true, but there's so many parallels in life to that. Sure. We can all go like, I'm working on this thing, to avoid this thing.

Yeah. And then you can. And especially if you get good at the side thing. Mm, hmm. And then people go like, oh, wow.

Yeah. Your cooking really has gotten incredible. You're just like not working on anything else, you know. Yeah. It's very easy to do.

Very easy. And we can all trick ourselves. Mm, hmm. Very, very easy to trick yourself. Yeah.

It's very easy to do. Yeah. With stand up, it's incredibly easy to be like, I'm working on this other project, though. Right. And you can make excuses.

Mm. hmm. I did that when I was on news radio, for sure. I was doing the same set for like two years. I wasn't fixing anything.

Kills you. Killed me. Killed me. Just my ability. I wasn't connected to the material anymore.

I was just saying it, you know. And then I had one set in front of some producers and I bombed, ate shit. And then I really felt bad. I really felt. Because I knew why I ate shit.

I knew I had a flat set, which was not connected. And I knew I wasn't working on it. I hadn't written anything in a long time. And then I bore down and I got way better. Like within six months, I was killing.

Yeah. I was doing all this new shit. I was completely reinvigorated. Mm. hmm.

You know. I was also getting better sets, too. Like the set I bombed. It was like 1 a.m. in the main room, where you cannot be sucky.

You have to grab those people. Really? And hang on to them. You have to agree. They have to know you're good.

Mm. hmm. They've seen everything. It's 1 o'clock in the morning. Horrible.

In Hollywood. And I was, you know, going on after people that were way better than me. Just ate shit. Yeah, you need those sets, though. They're so good for you.

Those fucking bombs. It's like heartbreak, too. You need those. It sounds like a terrible, counterintuitive thing. to feel bad is good for you.

But you need perspective. And the real perspective only comes the hard way. Disappointment. Yeah. Disappointment.

Heartbreak, like you said. Failure. Heartbreak is a real good one. Yeah. Failure.

Yeah, you fail. Failure in a relationship. Failure in a friendship. Failure in a business venture. Failure artistically.

Failure. athletically. Failure, failure, failure. Yeah, that shit right there. Dude, when you were saying the patella.

I had a patella tendon graft on my left knee when I got my ACL reconstructed. And they took a slice of the patella. They were like, don't worry about it. The thing's really big. I was like, now I'm thinking about it.

I'm like, how big is it? You don't mind if that blows out. He goes, like, 90, forget, 93% of patellar tendon tears happen at a connection point. In other words, there's two points of connection, either on the patella or on the, what is it, the tibia? It might be incorrect.

Yeah. He's like, you're snapped in the middle. He goes, which just takes a tremendous amount of force, which makes sense. And when you think about how, because I was leaping. He's like, you're leaping as hard as you can.

Right. And you retired. And you'd fucked it up a couple of days before, right? I'd fucked it up earlier that day. Oh, Jesus.

And he's like, so. it's a really weird, like, it's an unusual place to tear.

Injuries, bro. Injuries, yeah. I've had so many. Yeah. But you know what?

That's another good thing about martial arts and jujitsu. It's like, I understand, like, that. there's stuff you have to do to make sure you don't get injured as often. Like, that's one of the reasons why I stay strong. Like, I don't want to be weak.

When you're weak, you get hurt. You know, and old people, that's one of the major reasons why they fall down is just they're feeble. Yeah. You know, there's an interesting video, not a video, a photography series of cross-sections of people's anatomy done through MRI. So they show a 70-year-old sedentary person next to a 70-year-old triathlete.

It's wild. They show a 40-year-old sedentary person next to a 40-year-old triathlete. Yeah. And there's all these, I mean, obviously, I'm not saying you have to be a triathlete, but just being strong, being strong enough to do stuff, is so important. The only way you get that way is lifting weights and working out.

The only thing I keep preaching to my friends and my family circle of people I'm around, especially guys, guys and women, I want to make that point too, women too, is you have to have resistance, weight, resistance. Yeah. People get into their, when they hear that, they keep thinking, like, tremendously heavyweight. Like, oh, I'm not going to be a powerlifter. And you're like, no shit.

Yeah. And you shouldn't even try to be. Yeah, there it is. Look at the cross-section. So the top is the guy who has the workout schedule, and it's all muscle.

And then the bottom is just mostly fat, the same size leg. And there's just this weak-ass, bitch-ass muscle around the fat. Yeah. When I see that, I want to, like, kick him. That bottom one, just imagine what kind of damage you'd do just slamming a shin into that.

When you're in the hotel gyms, and sometimes you see these dudes of all ages, but I would say starting at, like, 40 into the 70s is the guy who walks in with kind of, like, the beginning of dropped head syndrome. Uh-huh. Like this, and immediately you know this guy's going to the elliptical or treadmill. Mm-hmm. Because that guy doesn't lift weights.

Right. And all you have to do, like, not all you have to do, but if you want to avoid that path, weight training. Yeah. Start lifting weights. Yeah.

Have some type of resistance training. Put your body under that stress, your muscles and your skeletal structure under the stress of picking up something and resisting. Build your muscle. Yeah. I have, like, this conversation with my cousins and my siblings and my friends all the time who I see on the path of, like, not touching weights.

Yeah. I'm like, dude, it's not going to, you're not going to be fine, just doing the elliptical. Right. It's going to deteriorate. Even guys that I know that do jiu-jitsu, especially as they get into their 40s, I always tell them, you're not working out?

You're not, other than training? You're only doing jiu-jitsu? They're like, yeah. I go, dude, at least once a week, you should be lifting weights, at least once a week. You really should be doing it a little bit every day.

Yeah. The key is a little every day. That's the Pavel Totsilin method. You know, I think, if you can, if you're doing something else like jiu-jitsu, you really, you can get by with a couple of workouts in the morning and a couple of workouts in the afternoon, where you're not even killing yourself. You're just, like, doing some kettlebells, doing some chin-ups, doing some push-ups, but you're making your body.

do these things. Even if you do only one set of chin-ups, you do 10 chin-ups, do 20 dips, do 20 push-ups, do 20 bodyweight squats. Just do that. Just do that. Just that.

That's weight. It's your physical weight, your body weight. Yeah. You know, and if you can get some kettlebells, get some kettlebells. and do, you know, 10 clean presses each side.

It's not a lot. It'll take you two minutes. Do it in the morning. Do it at night. Do it twice.

If you do that all the time, your body just gets accustomed to doing that all the time. And then you develop tissue that protects your joints and your tendons get stronger. and then, you know, you have the ability to do stuff. But you can tell, I mean, like, those scans are wild, obviously. Wild.

Then you're seeing the real thing. Yeah. But when I see, just, like, regular dudes that are older, and you see the guy that is active. Yeah, man. It really blows you away.

Just the way that they stand. Yeah. They stand a different way. Yeah, man. Their shoulders are back and you go, oh, man, this guy, yeah, this guy's been active for 40 years.

Yeah. And the guy that is fucking walking down the hall like this. I always find those dads. I always find those dads that, like, when I have these parent-teacher things, I'm like, that guy, loves weights. Yeah.

Hey, buddy. Yeah, yeah. You click on them. I met this Jack dude the other day. I was like, you're my new friend.

Left out the 40-year-old. It looks the same. Yeah, the 40-year-old triathlete. I was trying to explain that, but that was just, yeah, it's basically the same. Same amount of muscle tissue.

That's incredible. Yeah. Was that a parent-teacher thing? Yeah, super Jack, guy. T-shirt, shorts.

I was like, look at you, buddy. We're hanging in there. That's cool. Yeah. That's the thing, though, is you actually, you start to be drawn to people like that.

Oh, yeah. I know that guy's fucking putting in the work. Yeah. Like, a guy who can be that fit at 55 years old, when I see him, I'm like, all right. It's a winner.

I can hang out with that guy. I want to hang out with that winner. Winner mentality. Yeah. That guy knows how to do it.

If you're still, you haven't quit now. Yeah. And, you know, you're driving a Porsche, so you have money. So, like, okay, why, you haven't, you haven't laid back now? Okay.

You got to get that Porsche. That's my buddy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I just, you, you know, you can not do it. You don't have to. But if you want, if you want your life to be better, it's, it's one of those things. So it has to be done. Yeah.

You guys, like who are in their fifties are just gonna, you're going to be the guys that, in your sixties and seventies, people go like you're fucking 65.. Yeah. Holy shit. Yeah. There was this dude that was training with Tim Kennedy a couple months back.

He posted on his Instagram and then his dad came. His dad was 70, six pack. Fit as fuck. Really? This is wild.

70.. Okay. Canary in the coal mine. That's what I used to say about Stallone. He was my canary in the coal mine.

Yeah. He still gets after it. He got fat as fuck, though at one point in time. He did. Yeah.

He got a giant belly. I don't know if that was for a movie. He did. Is that for a movie? Yeah.

There was a movie where they, um, he plays like a, either a police officer or a security guard, and they told him, you got to get fat. You got to get fat. He did. He was like, I was eating pancakes every day. You know?

Wow. He went, that's a rough thing to do when you're 70.. I think this was actually, it was a little while ago for this one. So maybe we're thinking about two different movies, but yeah. Oh, no, no, no.

I remember that. I remember that. That was a very good movie. Yeah. He got, he actually gained that weight.

What movie was that? There's like a flood or something, right? Copland. What was that movie? Copland.

That was a very good movie and he was very good in it. He was. He can act. Yeah, he can. He, but I remember watching him talk about gaining weight for that.

Right. So you're saying a different, a different one. No, it's recent. Oh, okay. He was on the beach.

I think he was going through a divorce. He's probably drinking a lot of beer. Oh, okay. Cause he got divorced for a little while. He did?

Or he was getting divorced and he just stopped getting, yeah. Why do I know this? But there's a Sylvester Stallone belly on beach. He was real fat on the beach. See, we're used to him looking like in that picture where he's got the t-shirt.

Yeah. How old is he now? Till you get him. Yeah. That's not even a good, that's not even a bad one.

Some of the other ones are like, yeah, there it is. Like he's fucking huge belly. Yeah. That's beer, son. That's beer and lasagna.

Yeah. That's what that is. That's giving in to them Guinea instincts. Yeah. For sure.

Dude, when we went to the Bronx, we went to New Jersey, had a UFC a month ago. Is this the sandwich thing? Yes. It was so good. Do you know that, like my salivary glands watching this video were like- Like a dog.

I think one of my favorite, like when you talk about your favorite things to eat, for me, like an Italian sub, like a genuine Italian one, with all the meats. This guy, Giovanni, from GNR Deli in the Bronx. These are the real-. Is that like a Caprese? Yes.

Oh, my God. Oh my God. That one right there, I think that was a chicken cutlet with sun-dried peppers and fresh mozzarella. And that's just one of them, but there was a bunch of different sandwiches that he made. This was in the Bronx?

Yeah. That's my man, Tommy Jr. And this was one that they made with pork. It was fantastic. Dude, these people know how to eat.

Italians know how to eat. They go hard. And this guy, Giovanni, you go to his, see that one in the back? That's what they call the Bronx Godfather. That's fucking sensational.

This is the greatest Italian sub I've ever had in my life. It was so good. Dude, I overate so hardcore. Yeah. I ate, and they gave us, so they're so generous, they gave us like a tray of sandwiches and we brought them to the UFC.

So I was telling all the other on-air guys, I'm like, you know, DC, DC loves his food. I was like, come have a sandwich. He was like, oh shit. Oh yeah, they grabbed, look at my fat face. Yeah.

That looks amazing. Yeah. So I'll go off the rails, bro. Yeah. Sometimes you have to.

I'll go off the rails every now and then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went out to dinner with Matt Serra and John Rollo the other day. So it was three guineas at Red Ash. So I had to go off the rails.

I had the bone marrow with the garlic bread, but I'll do that one meal maybe a week, but mostly not. Yeah. Well, you can't, I mean, if you do it all the time, it's just, it's a disaster. Yeah. You just have to make sure you don't do it all the time.

That's the thing. When I take people to Red Ash, I turn into like an ambassador. I'm like, please, like, show them what you guys do. And like, I have them bring like 10 dishes. Well, we've had a bunch of employee meetings there before, especially before we started the club.

Yeah. Sort of bonding meetings. It's hard to not indulge at Red Ash. It's amazing. And we would tell them just have the chef bring over anything.

Yeah. Everything. And they would just bring over plates and stuff. It's incredible. It was amazing.

I can't wait to go back. actually. Yeah. It's a great place. Well, Austin is amazing for food.

Yeah. It's amazing. It's such a good place for food. There's so many good restaurants. Popping up all the time.

Yeah. These are already good places and they keep having new shit here and just keep opening it. You're like, oh my. Have you been to Lonesome Dove? I have not.

Oh my God. So good. What's the-? It's so good. They sell rattlesnake sausage.

They serve, I should say, rattlesnake sausage. A lot of wild game dishes. There's a southern one that I went to here. So fucking good. I went with Phillip.

Phillip Lee. What was the name of it? I got to look it up. Okay. I'll ask him.

There's so many places here, man. Yeah. I mean, his places too are- Oh, yeah. No, his places are insane. That Sushi by Scratch out in the- Where's that?

What's- Fixi? No. I've heard that place is the shit too, though. Is it Olamay? Could that be it?

Oh, I think- I don't know. That Fixi? That place is supposed to be fantastic. Did you say Fixi or fix? How do you say it?

Whatever it is. F-I-X-E. I heard that place is fantastic. There's so many good places out here. Have you been to Abba?

Yes. That place is great too. Amazing. Olamay? There you go.

That's it. Olamay. Bro. That place is outstanding. Damn, son.

That's outstanding. Damn. Yeah. Oh. So, so good.

I went to NADC Burger last night. Which one? NADC Burger. Oh, not a damn chance burger. It's Philips Burger.

It might be the best burger on earth. Oh, yeah. That's his too. It might be the best burger on earth. The only person in contention is the Golden Tiger.

I want to eat too, but- Golden Tiger is pretty fucking good too. That one I have not been to. And I almost got it- Woo! After the club one night. Philip told me it was the greatest burger he's ever had.

That's why Philip decided to make NADC Burger. Really? He wanted to, like, perfect, the American cheeseburger.

Golden Tiger, is it downtown? East side? Yeah, east side. It's open. late, right?

Yeah, real late. It's like a food truck and it has outdoor seating. It's amazing. I got to try it. It's so good.

Fuck. I think it might be also one of my favorite, favorite things in the world, is just a simply made cheeseburger. Oh, yeah. Yeah. When I was, last time I was there, I ate three cheeseburgers and a chicken sandwich.

At Golden Tiger? Yeah. Three? Three. And a chicken sandwich.

And a chicken sandwich. I might have been high.

Yeah, that was an off-the-rails moment. I have my off-the-rails moments. Yeah, phenomenal. Dude, that looks so good. I, like, anything.

fried now just ruins me. And I don't think, another thing I absolutely love is a fried chicken sandwich. You know what I really miss? Fried chicken and waffles at Roscoe's. Oh, Roscoe's.

Come on, man. L.A. staple. Yeah, with the hot sauce on the chicken and the maple syrup on the waffles and the butter. Slice it up, hope you don't get shot.

Eat it all. Look at that. Oh, man. Woo.

That food is so good. It's so good. It's a wild place, too. You go there, there's a lot of people. You know, like, last time I was there, there was a lot of people I knew there.

A lot of comics. Yeah. A lot of dudes from the store were there. I was like, this is, it's such a classic L.A. place.

Yeah, was it on Union? Well, there's one that was near us. I say us. When we had Sunset and Gower. Yeah, that's right.

It was right down the street. So we used to get it for lunch there. This is the shit. And yet, it's one of those things, the first time you hear it, you're like, what are you talking about? Why would you make chicken with waffles?

That doesn't even make sense. And then you sit there. And you eat it. But it's also, like, the perfect chicken. Like, their chicken's off the charts.

Yeah, fried chicken. Just, but it's also, it's like, that recipe. They got it down. They've been doing it forever. Yeah.

They knew exactly how to serve you a Roscoe's fried chicken. Yeah. You eat it, you're like, oh, this is what I was waiting for. Yeah, and then the sugar rush and the waffle. Oh, and the fucking butter.

Yeah. Oh, oh, and then you dip the chicken in the fucking, oh, maybe a little hot sauce, too. Fuck it, let's go. Woo! I need naps right after that.

Naps. Yeah. Yeah, your insulin crashes. Your whole body's like, what? Your sugar crashes.

Like, what are you doing to us? What is this? And then you think, though, that there's people who eat like that every day. Every day. Yeah.

I remember one time, I had a double cheeseburger with fries and a large milkshake. It was like a large milkshake. And by the time I finished a large milkshake, I literally felt like I got poisoned. Yeah. I was like, ugh.

Ugh. Yeah. It felt terrible. Of course. It was not worth it.

No. There's. no, it's. the wildest trick your body does to you is to, especially with, like, a big, heavy sugar meal. Yeah.

Your body tricks you into thinking it's good. while you're doing it. It does. It does. It's totally a trick.

You know that when you eat to capacity feeling, and you're like, I feel sick? I think I ate like that every day for 15 years. Yeah, that's my number one problem. Yeah. I was like, ugh.

But I don't do that when I eat the carnivore diet. Yeah. I don't do it. Meat has a high level of satiety, I think is the word, which means... You feel satiated.

Yeah, you get satiated real quickly. You know, when your body's not enough, you're like, yeah, you've had enough. You've had enough. Yeah. It's good.

Then you just look over at that freezer and you're like, is there ice cream in there? You guys got ice cream?

Gotta earn that ice cream, son. Ice cream is a... Yeah. That's... That's a hard one.

I'll eat a whole fucking pint of that shit. I'll get in there. Yeah. I'll do the shit where, like, I see them, you know, at the grocery store, and I start grabbing, and then all of a sudden, like, the next day, Christine will be like, are there six different pints of ice cream in there? And I'm like, I don't know.

The kids are here. I thought they might like them. They're like, what are you talking about? The kids are here. The kids need ice cream.

Yeah. Yeah. Me, it was mint chocolate chip. Really? Yeah.

I actually love chocolate chip, not mint. Really? Yes. I like chocolate chip, not mint, too. Yeah, that shit's my...

That is my absolute favorite. I remember the first time I got high with Eddie, he took me to... We went to Baskin-Robbins, and I had an ice cream sundae, and I was like, this is the greatest thing the world has ever invented. A hot fudge sundae. Bro.

I was like, it was insane. Ugh. It's a... Whatever the fuck marijuana does to your senses, like, especially your sense of taste, it's insane. Oh, yeah.

We used to, in college, we used to get high out of our minds, like, full bong, rips, joints, like, just eyes bleeding, like... And then we would take a blender, put in, like, a whole tub of ice cream, milk, and then scoops of peanut butter, blend that up, and it just felt like you were drinking peanut butter. And when you're high, it's like... And I would do it until I vomited. I would drink them until I puked.

Because there's no alarm that goes off, that goes, stop. You're like, no, it's too... You feel like a dog, like an animal, just like... If you leave a dog around the food at once, it just eats until it's sick, you know? Your body has to be so confused as to what form this food is taking.

to. Yeah. Like, if you're having, like, a milkshake, there's so much sugar, and it's frozen, and there's milk. Like, what is this? What is this?

The fuck is this? Your body has no reference... Like, if your body's eating an apple, like, oh, this is a very sweet apple, but it's an apple. Yeah. I know what to do with this.

Your body's eating that. It's like, what the fuck is this? What is this? What is this? It's not, yeah.

Like, an ice-cold Coca-Cola.

Oh, my God, your body's like, give me more of that. What the fuck is that? Also, that, everyone's, we all know it, that formula at McDonald's, why that's the best tasting Coke and Diet Coke on the planet. They have it, because what happens is, when you're in an establishment, like a restaurant, you get, you know, a formula. Like, the gun has a blend, and there's definitely a different formula at McDonald's.

Oh, has there been anything written about this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, interesting. I didn't know that. If you drive by a McDonald's, and you get a Diet Coke, you'll be like, what the fuck?

Okay, typically, restaurants get their soda syrups in plastic bags, but Coca-Cola does something different. for McDonald's. The fast food chain gets their Coke syrup delivered in stainless steel tanks. According to the New York Times, the material keeps the soda fresher, and your tongue can taste the difference. A thousand percent.

it can. Right, but is it a more potent blend, or is it just because it's in the tanks? I don't know, but it does taste so much better. It says their filtration system is top tier. It is superior.