Being an Adult Means Delaying Gratification

I'm George Camel, and I'm joined by the one, the only, my Smart Money Happy Hour co-host, Rachel Cruz.

We've gone international, officially.

So if you want to join us, call 888-825-5225.

We'll answer your questions. We'll give you our best advice.

Sometimes it, we've been known to hurt feelings.

We've been known to tell people to sell the horse.

This is the kind of stuff that happens on this show.

You're in there, you're an accomplice, Rachel.

You never know.

Well, congrats, Rachel, on your new kid's book. It's been fun.

Oh, thank you.

I'm glad for what I have.

Yes.

I read it to Mia the other day.

You did.

She doesn't know because she's five months old, but she enjoyed it.

Hey, reading even to the young ones.

It's important, George, yeah.

I saw, my wife sent me the Instagram reel.

Thank you.

Jonathan is up first in Raleigh, North Carolina.

Jonathan, welcome to the show.

Just kind of started getting into it more recently, the last year.

But I am going, I've done the baby steps.

I've been debt free and then got married and other things.

So, recently, I've done the attempt to get my wife to budget with me.

So, I got her to watch the financial piece that was gifted to me because I'm a veteran.

And I got her to watch the first episode.

And as soon as I brought up the budget, she shut it down.

She was mad.

Yeah.

So, I'm not sure if it's something more deep seated going on, but we're not really financially hurting.

But we are losing a lot of money just to waste.

Okay. So, Jonathan, why?

Why was she mad?

What was she saying in her anger?

She didn't want me to control her spending.

I think she didn't really want me to know what she was spending on.

Do you guys budget?

Do you guys share an account together?

And that was a point of contention about 13 years ago when we got married.

But we did join the accounts.

And I eliminated her.

She had college debt and other car loans and credit cards and all that.

And so, we've purged all that since and joined accounts.

So, it's the budgeting piece for her.

And is she the spender out of both of you?

Do you, Jonathan, if you were to be honest with us,

have you had any history of maybe a snide remark or two with what she has spent on?

Have you been sarcastic with it?

Or do you bring it up in a way that she doesn't like?

I'm just curious, that dynamic.

So, she would like finer things and Louis Vuitton and stuff like that.

So, I'm sure I possibly have thrown out a,

wow, that's a lot of money for something.

Okay.

Well, I think one of the biggest breakdowns that I'm hearing is,

in a perfect world, you both would agree on,

yeah, here's what we're going to spend.

Here's electricity.

Here's our cable.

Here's our utilities.

You know, the basic stuff of life.

And then, us both say, okay, you know,

here's an amount of money per month that we agree on together,

that Jonathan gets, that your wife gets.

And together, you both say, it doesn't even have to be an equal amount of money.

Right?

I mean, she could say, no, I actually on average spend X amount.

And if you guys can afford that,

and it's not constraining other parts of the budget,

to be able to say, yeah, she can.

But I think it's the idea that you guys are agreeing on where she's spending,

or I'm sorry, on how much she is spending.

Because to me, the amount, I think it's the first step.

And then the where would be the second step.

But I don't think the where matters as much.

Like, Winston probably thinks I'm crazy how much I get my nails done.

Like, do you know what I mean?

Like, the where is like, okay.

But I think it's the amount that you guys agree,

and you're on the same team to say, okay,

here's what our overall money looks like.

And within this, you know,

you're not her dad that's going to be ruling over her

to tell her where she can spend her money.

But we both agree, like, this is a reasonable amount for us to spend

on personal things or even out to eat.

Yeah.

And Jonathan, have you kind of seek to understand when you go,

hey, what's behind this?

I feel like, you know, there was some high emotion here

when you shut down there.

I just want to know, like, does this come from somewhere?

Was there anything in your past?

Or, you know, why do you feel like this budget is going to control us?

All I'm asking is that we pre-decide how we spend our paychecks,

and we can decide that you have a lot of money for fun.

I think she sees, like, we're going to have a life of sacrifice

and rice and beans and couponing for the rest, you know,

rest of your days.

Is that how she's feeling?

And because, like I said, when I brought the budget to her,

she wouldn't even look at it.

So it's not that.

Was this Excel spreadsheet?

I'm trying to do the thing that y'all did.

or was it an Excel spreadsheet?

Sometimes, you know, if someone shows me an Excel spreadsheet,

I shut down.

She wouldn't look at it.

She wouldn't look at the numbers at all, nothing.

Yeah, yeah.

So, you know, whenever it's something that's uncomfortable

or, you know, not easy, just glazed over the top,

something more in-depth, it's kind of like,

mm-mm, I don't want to do that.

Yeah, it feels vulnerable.

It feels scary for whatever reason.

So, Jonathan, I think that's the issue, right?

And we usually say money issues within marriage

are rarely the actual money issue.

To your point, it's not like she was like,

no, I need $300 a month, not, you know, $250.

It's the communication.

Something in her does not feel okay to go there

for whatever reason.

And George is right.

It's usually it comes from somewhere.

It stems from somewhere.

And for you guys to get on the same page,

because if you can understand and you guys communicate

more effectively in general, that's going to help you,

you know, help you effectively communicate with the money.

That's going to help you, obviously,

communicate better in general.

But, I mean, to me, that's where you bring in a third party.

I'm usually the, you know, the instigator.

I'm usually trying.

And she's, because I've taken care of everything,

you know, since the beginning,

I maybe have a little bit of, you know,

anxiety and things to bring up topics to her,

because every time I try to bring it up to her,

it's just shut down.

And so there may be some animosity and, you know, all that.

Before we start talking about money goals,

we need to learn what's behind all this.

How do we communicate well?

And I'm going to send you some tools to help.

Number one is a copy of my book, Breaking Free from Broke.

I want you guys to read chapter 10.

It's called Budgeting is Freedom.

I think it'll show her a different way.

And I'm going to send you a copy of Rachel's book,

Know Yourself, Know Your Money.

It's going to really help her understand

why she thinks the way she thinks around money

and maybe unlock some really cool things in conversation.

So we're wishing you the best, Jonathan.

Hang on the line, and Skylar will get you those books.

This is The Ramsey Show.

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Welcome back to the Ramsey Show.

I'm George Campbell, joined by Rachel Cruz.

If you want to join us, we've got a brand new event coming up

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All right.

Open phones at 888-825-5225.

Kiara is in Buffalo, New York.

What's going on?

Thank you so much for taking my call.

Is that consumer debt, or does that include a mortgage?

Phew.

That makes me at least breathe a little easier.

So let's walk through the consumer debt.

How much consumer debt do you have?

What are the amounts?

My mortgage is $490,000.

So we would label anything non-mortgage as consumer debt,

if that helps.

Yeah.

Anything else?

No.

And then $490,000 on the mortgage.

My last taxes, it was $250,000.

At 24, that's amazing.

What do you do?

And what's your question today?

I have some in savings.

I have a retirement account.

But my biggest question is, the car payment kind of is weighing heavy on me.

And I wanted to get your opinion on where, like, my money should be going, kind of.

So I have in a high-yield savings account about $46,000.

So I was wondering, I kind of wanted to get rid of my car.

Like, after listening to you guys, I wish I would have listened sooner.

But I don't think I need this luxury car.

And it was kind of an impulse decision just to buy it.

So I was wondering if I should take some of this money and get rid of my car.

So we have two cars right now.

And we would just be sharing the one car.

How much could you sell it for?

Because, like, I'm, you know, the car, I got different quotes and stuff.

So I owe $54,000 left.

And my offer was $37,000.

I've tried to sell it, like, personally, like, online.

And I'm going into a dealership on Saturday to do some kind of, like, auction thing to see if they can get maybe even a little bit more.

Of course they're going to lowball you because they're going to sell it for that higher amount.

You know, I mean, yeah.

I mean, if I were you, if you're honest about yourself and your day-to-day life and how that looks, you really don't feel like you need a car, like, if that really is true.

Because you make plenty of money, P.S.

You can afford to get another car, maybe a different car, and you can do something different.

But don't feel like not having a car is your only option.

I just want to give you that window that you have great money saved.

If you needed to get a car, you could.

Okay, so just know that.

So what I would try to do almost is just say, hey, I want to try to get 40 for it, a little bit more than what was quoted in a private selling situation is probably the way you're going to do that.

And then you're going to have to say, okay, I got $14,000 of my own money that I'm going to have to just, you know, finish off the loan.

And just take it out of your high yield and then start from there.

And if you want a different car or, you know, something down the road, I would use that money saved that you have to get a great used car.

Yeah, that you want.

So when are you guys going to get married?

Are you guys going to live in this house that you have a mortgage on right now?

Yes.

You are, okay.

Is he coming into the marriage with any real estate?

Like, will he be selling?

We bought it together last year.

So it's, and we're just trying, we are trying to like clear his debt right now.

So one thing you have to realize, Kira, is yes, I understand that you guys are engaged.

I believe we'll get married next year, but you guys legally, you're not married.

You're roommates.

I mean, from a legal standpoint, you realize that, right?

I know relationally and love and future plans, all the things.

So with your money, the wisest thing you can do, which sounds harsh, I know, in your situation, because you guys have already bought a house together, you keep things separate financially.

We have talked to so many people, Kira, who have used their money to pay off someone's debts, and they start working together, and suddenly the wedding next year doesn't happen, and you are out all this money.

And so protecting yourself in that sense is necessary during this time, because you have no legal contract.

I mean, there's nothing legally binding you guys together.

If you were married, that's a different story.

But from this standpoint, I would not be paying on his debt.

So you need to be focused on you.

He needs to be focused on him.

And then you have to say, yeah, when we get married, we do become one.

All of this, then we can work as a team.

But I would not be doing that until then.

Until you say I do, and you sign that marriage license, and there's a ring on the finger, you guys are not, I would not work together as one when it comes to the money.

Now, you guys can be encouraging and all that, but I would have very separate financial lives at this point.

And I should have mentioned the car would be his that we'd be using, so we'd be paying on his loan.

What's left on that?

The one that you would be splitting the payment.

I actually just asked him.

He didn't answer, but I think it's around $40,000.

Don't pay on a car that you don't even own.

You have no...

Yeah, I wouldn't do that.

Honestly, if I were you, I would get rid of this car because I think it's a good exercise for you.

You're 24, you're like, I made a crazy purchase.

I shouldn't have bought it.

If I were you, I would go get a $10,000 whatever, whatever, go drive that.

He needs to work on his stuff.

His debts, his income, all of that needs to be his.

This does not need to be your responsibility.

What concerns me a little bit, and I could be reading into it, is that you're so responsible.

You're obviously extremely bright.

You're making $250,000 as a 24-year-old.

You're a go-getter.

I'm not saying he isn't, but in some cases what we find is that he gets the benefit and reaps the benefit of all the greatness that you have,

but then you get no benefit from him from a legal standpoint because you're not married.

I would be very cautious in all of that sharing, and buying a house together too.

This is for the listener out there.

Do not put both of your names on a deed of a house if you are not legally married.

It gets you in a mess, you guys.

It'll get you in a mess.

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I'm George Campbell, joined by Rachel Cruz.

The number to call is 888-825-5225.

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My husband and I are on Baby Step 2.

We have an SUV that has paid off, and my husband wants to finance a second vehicle.

It's kind of the opposite of Baby Step 2 there, but he has $12,000 to put towards the purchase.

I thought he was looking in the range of $35,000 to $45,000, but he now wants one that costs $90,000.

He only wants to use the truck for 8 months and then take advantage of the buyback program from the dealership

and get a cheaper vehicle then.

We can't afford an $800 car payment for the next 8 months, and I don't trust the buyback program.

How do I make him see that the numbers just don't work to finance a vehicle right now?

I have asked him to find a vehicle that we can afford with the $12,000, or he can use our SUV,

and I will drive an older vehicle.

This argument has been going on for 6 months, and I don't know how much more our marriage can take.

The stress has gotten the worst, and I'm currently between jobs, and my income is very low right now.

She's unemployed, they're between incomes, and he's like,

I'm going to go get a giant truck to make me feel better about all of this.

You have $12,000 to purchase a car.

She says, how do I make them see that the numbers just don't work to finance...

It's not about the numbers.

It's not the numbers. It's the fact that you guys are obviously not on the same page.

You're trying to do a program and get out of debt, while he's adding on debt.

You're literally counteracting each other. It doesn't make sense.

What ends up happening is exactly what is happening, sadly, is it causes a lot of stress.

It causes a lot of fights, because you're both not walking the same path.

You're running into each other.

That's going to cause tension.

For you guys, I would just pan way back and say, as our family, what do we want money to look like?

What does this look like for us?

If you guys can't get on the same page with that value system, then yeah.

I think we said it in an earlier call, but it's true.

That means you're probably not on the same page on a lot of things in life.

Working and finding that unity.

Even if that's bringing in a marriage counselor or a therapist to get you guys back on that same page.

Always know with marriage, you guys, that there's always going to be opposites.

There's always going to be one person that always wants the bougier thing.

Probably the one that's like, eh, we're fine here.

One's more of a spender. One's more of a saver.

You're always going to have these different money personalities in a marriage.

We're not saying you have to be uniformed and just identical robots together.

The overall big picture is that you want to be walking the same path.

That usually comes down to value system.

A value system conversation that, obviously, you guys are on separate pages.

I think looking at that as the issue is where I would start.

This marriage is only going to grow further apart if he makes this decision.

It's going to be a harder decision to undo.

It's going to cause so much resentment on Jenny's side.