Indecent Proposal: Czechoslovakia

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Hey Janice, meet Conan and Sona.

Hello, hi hi guys. Wait first, Sona has to laugh. You laugh at the start of every rowing workout.

Um, you're really good at what you do. Come on, man.

Come on, perfect, perfect.

I've never, I've never had a better assistant. I've never had a better assistant. The workout's done.

You're the worst, Okay, awesome.

Awesome.

You're the worst.

Hey uh, Dr. Janice. May I call you Dr. Janice? Um hey.

Miami Beach.

Oh, you're in Miami, okay? I was in Miami not too long ago, did some podcasting there at the U.H. Sirius XM Studios in Miami, and, Uh, had a very nice time there. It was lovely. So I congratulate you on living in Miami.

Well, it was a very worthwhile decision.

Yes, I think so. And uh, Dr. Janice, what kind of doctor are you?

What kind of doctor? That's what I usually ask people when I meet them, What kind of doctor do you think I am? I'm a sex therapist.

Hell yeah, oh wow, oh, I like that.

She is.

No, that's, that's great.

I try not to tell people too much, you know, like on a plane, cause then they'll speak to me for hours.

Right?

That's okay.

No, exactly. It's like, you know, I think it's probably akin to telling someone, you're a dermatologist, because everyone then wants to show you, Hey, what is this on my arm? What do you think? And they just want, basically, they want free advice, and that's what you would get. If you are sharing an airplane seat with someone and they find that you're a sex therapist, suddenly they're asking you all about sex.

Yes, and I probably. I told my kids to wear hazmat suits when they listen to this, cause I said, I'm going. Wherever you go, I will go with you.

Well, fortunately, Dr. Janice, this is a very upstanding podcast.

Wait a minute. I was listening, I was listening, by the way, I have to say hello to David, cause I see it's David, not Matt. But anyway, I was listening just to kind of refresh my mind. What did I come across?

Oh my god, that's scarred. I remember that.

I can't remember it.

And his wife, Sandra Claus, and how he kept asking her to get onto his North Pole. Yes.

Wow, well, remember, when I said this is a high class podcast, I was talking about a different podcast, a history podcast I listen to. That's right, okay.

Oh, we're going to go serious, okay, by the way, I teach, I train sex therapists, that's my main thing. But the biggest issue, the biggest problem people have, are expectations. Because most people these days learn about sex from pornography, and that is not real, that's scripted adult entertainment.

Right, it's not. Someone comes to the door with a pizza and they say it's got extra sausage, and then music starts to play.

You're talking about the plot.

I think she's talking about the actual sex that happens.

Oh, and what is? oh, okay, do you mean the duration?

No, because he thinks that's real Sona.

I have found, much to my horror and shock, that most pizza delivery people just deliver the pizza and then you pay and they leave.

You didn't do anything weird, right?

Well, I asked them, does it have extra sausage? and they said, You didn't even order sausage? Mr. O'Ryan? And I've got to go. I've got seven more Domino's deliveries to make.

It's instant all partners have orgasms. There's no hair in the wrong places, there's no people falling off the bed, there's no stopping in the middle because you changed your mind.

Do people ever? I mean, my thing is I stop in the middle sometimes because I forget what I'm doing. Oh, no, it's not changed my mind. I literally blank out and I think I'm at the bank.

Okay.

All right, and sometimes I'm at the bank and I think, Well, anyway, that's a whole other thing. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

We have to pay so many people off.

No.

Oh, no, what's been in the paper? So anyway, Dr. Janice, So yes, the expectations are expectations are all off the charts because people are watching porn and they think that's real. And I would guess that this is mostly a problem for young people, that young people long before. They've had sex for the first time, they've watched stuff online and they think they have to be an athlete. That sex is this instant athletic thing that lasts forever and involves all these contortions. And it's intimidating to them, right?

Well, not just for young people, people who think that they won't be able to satisfy someone who they think are. You know, there's there is porn with older people too, but there's, it's just everyone has a notion who watches a lot of porn that, you know. First of all, a lot of times they're disappointed with their partner, they don't, you know, people. A lot of people don't look great with their clothes off. So, especially if you've been in a relationship for a while and your partner's body has changed, there's a whole mindset that has to go into. How do you keep the romance going when you both don't look like you're 24 anymore? And that takes a little work. Especially if you want to stay, you know, with that one partner and stay, you know, not bring other partners into the relationship, into the your sex play.

So yeah, no, let's talk about that, let's talk about bringing other people in. Oh what, okay?

You know it really, it really needs to be a conversation and not, hey, look, who's with me?

You know, I want to say the times I've tried it, I've just shown up with someone. Oh no, yeah. I was like, my car broke down on the 405 right near Sepulveda. And look who I met.

But does the person you bring know what they're coming or?

No idea, no idea. They're new in America. Oh, no, yeah.

Well, I train, I train therapists to work with people who do that. But the thing is, I want to tell you BDSM people, this whole bondage dominance issue, with whips and chains and a variety of different kink things. And on and on and on. They talk about it, they negotiate before they get into sex play. They say, What do you like? what's your safe word?

You love talking about?

Well, that's what I was going to say. Seriously, I come from a culture where none of this is discussed. You don't talk about anything, you just get through life and get to the grave as fast as you can. And get to rotten, get to rotten, get to moldering.

Well, people, first of all, I, I'm not against porn, I think. I think couples who want to watch porn together and have a lot of fun and make that part of the activity could have a blast. As long as they know that that's an entertainment that they're enjoying together, they can act it out together, you know? So there's a there's a use for it.

The bed. So holding the crockpot, Wait a minute. This is the plot of that Robert Redford Demi Moore movie Indecent proposal. And that was, that was, that was a million dollars. And the the Czech, the Czechoslovakian equivalent, is a crockpot.

Yes.

So Woody Harrelson would be in the corner hugging a crockpot, while a Czech guy is doing it with Demi Moore in indecent proposal. Czechoslovakia.

You know, it's funny because I'm producing a movie about a sex therapy topic, a very unique type of sex therapy. I would love to have the budget of the crockpot. I'm telling you, that would be amazing, right? If I could do it for fourteen dollars and ninety three cents. You know what, we?

Need to check out Czech porn? we have to, you know, and specifically the subset of it, Czech crockpot porn.

I know I'm down with that.

There may be a lot, I don't know there may be.

You know, my guess is it's not always a crockpot, sometimes it's a toaster, sometimes it's a it's a jar of goulash. I don't know.

Well, yeah, all of the above, I mean, there's a lot of people, a lot of females, you know what in my world? We call them, you know, vulva and vagina possessors. Owners who don't know what their body looks like from the waist down because they never looked. So we help them get to know who they are by looking at pictures, by looking at diagrams, and, yeah, toys, vibrators, lots of things. Because the bedroom should be a fun. And a lot of times it turns into a real tense place where there's a lot of emotions and.

Conflict, insecurities, false accusations. Oh, you got it? Oh no, am I saying too much?

No one's forcing you to even say anything.

Listen, are you chiming in? We brought a puppet into our bedroom. It was a ventriloquist dummy.

Oh, no.

And it got out of control fast.

What did you do with it?

His name was Mr. Chuckles. He was out of control, He was a freak who was controlling Mr.

Chuckles brought a crackpot.

Your kids started calling him dad. Yeah, exactly.

But Mr. Chuckles is great.

Mr. Chuckles just just drove me to my college interview.

Listen, it happens. We have to also counsel people what to do when a puppet takes over their sex life. We have to help them with that adjustment.

Mr.

Chuckles took me to Brande.is Listen, listen, we got to, we got to. This is out of control. And now is it someone? My producer said that sometimes you use a gingerbread man and I have to just cut to the chase, and I demand to know, How do you use a gingerbread man?

You demand to know no, because it's all about communication. If you have people who can't communicate what their needs and wants are. What you can have them do is take the outline of a gingerbread person. You know, remember those? And one partner has a sheet, the other one has a sheet, and they each color it in wherever they color green.

Right, it's kind of turns out your lover is colorblind.

Oh, no.

So it's not a gingerbread cookie, it's the outline of a gingerbread man.

So you're upset about it not being a cookie.

I just was hoping it would be a cookie.

Yeah, but it could be a cookie, they could do the colors, and then they could eat the cookie.

Yeah, and the frosting could be different colors, and so this is, you know, you know, a cookie.

Yeah, definitely could do that, without a doubt.

And it's all for where you're touching. Is there a different color for probing various probing areas?

What?

Well, that's touching. If you don't want them to go inside, then you can, like, put a note, you know, red.

Inside, I just put post-its on my body, post-its. yeah, I have a post-it that I, by the way, post-its are great. It's like, why use a cookie or anything when you can just put messages on your actual body? Do not enter.

That's sexy.

Yeah, yeah, do not enter, no touching.

That's why they were all over your body.

Stay off the pews, it's a little. I have a little sign down there, It's like a stay off the grass. But I may have gone too far.

Curb your pet.

I know that.

Clean up after your pet.

Yeah, that's why the whole thing, you've got the cookie, you've got the porn. If you can make fun of it and enjoy it together, that's. Dressing up is fun, role play is fun. The other thing, too, is to understand the expectations in general.

But that's interesting. Yeah, men are, men are about, you know, what is it? Larry? The cable guy says. Get her done, you know? It's like that. It's that we're very focused on.

But here's, but here's the thing guys judge. If they have female partners, they judge them in the same way. So the woman does an orgasm. The man tends to feel that it was a failed activity.

Well, I have to say, during my single years, many times it would end with a woman saying that was a failed activity. No, they would just say that.

That was a failed activity.

That I heard that phrase many times. That was a failed activity.

Like a robot.

Well, they sounded kind of like Trump. That was a failed activity. Yeah, but no, I just, of course, just, of course, a woman could have a good time.

Even if she doesn't orgasm, she might have really enjoyed being together if you really enjoyed the conversation, the laughing, the cuddling, the attention. And said, I had a good time, I didn't orgasm, but I wouldn't mind doing this again.

So yeah, I wouldn't mind doing this again. Glowing reveal.

You know, I have to tell you, I've been married 42 years. There's a lot of I wouldn't mind doing this again.

So yeah, that's very nice, so I think you're it's refreshing to talk to you. You know, people have so many, you know people, myself included, you know we. There's so much people get so hung up on it.

Thank you, we're human and this is what's happening. I'm proud of you.

I am, I'm proud of you.

Every time you hear, you know, you hear words like vagina, vulva, you know, uterus, or like, two of those things are Italian car. You just sometimes you're like, Well, you don't want it.

But also, I don't think women want guys going around, you know, throwing those terms about their clinical terms.

There's nothing wrong with it, you just get very.

No, no, no, no, let's ask you, you are married to Taka Katsizian? OK, well, kind of is, but anyway, not just because he's in anyway.

JANICE I mean, it's more time management issues.

Because she has, she has, she has twins. Yeah, and I'll tell you, I love this.

They're toddlers.

No, no, they're, I'm saying that with great affection.

Oh, ok.

Monster.

They're always in the background when I'm zooming with Sona, destroying things with hammers. I don't know why you give them hammers. No, they're hilarious. I love your kids, but yeah, I would think time management would be the problem.

Yeah, so Sona, that's another misconception is people think that sex has to be spontaneous. Because that's what they see in these wonderful porn movies. And that's what they believe is the ideal and the really the best sex is planned. You know when the kids are going to be asleep, or they're sleeping over somewhere else, or you and your husband go and take the night out at a hotel.

Yes, when you got to be like, it's got to be like D-day, you've got to have a plan. You have to know, you have to have the English and the Americans and the French involved, and you all have to take the beach, you know?

Yeah, yeah, that's some sexy talk. yep, that is good sexy stuff.

She cries every day for two hours.

Yeah, I don't blame her.

Dr. Janice, do you have a question for me? Is there a way I can help you? I do have a question.

I have a question for everybody, I'm going to include David, who is who is a guest today? Yeah, OK, I'm teaching actually tomorrow to a group of 40 therapists who are learning to be sex therapists.

Nice, I love this and I love that I don't have to get involved. You guys go ahead. So what would you say?

I I mean, I know we're not.

I and so let me just tell you, Dr. Just before she was married.

Oh boy, oh boy.

Well, anyway, you know, a little bit of a shock.

I'm sorry, I live through it, I live through it.

Anyway, I know you say about porn and stuff, but you're pro porn. There is a porn video I found. I've talked about it on this before, it's a it's a fisting video.

And so there's all these like fun things.

So I would, if I was a guest lecturer, I would come in and I would talk about, like, you know, padlocking and you know, the fisting things. Even though I'm not an expert on those, I'm definitely not. But also, you know, like those acts that people do, like the, you know, the Angry Pirate and the Cleveland Steamers and stuff like. I would love to be a guest lecturer on those, even though I'm not well versed.

In that, and I apologize for calling her an adventurous in any way. You just rattled off Cleveland Steamer Popeye's revenge.

I don't know because I go, you go on Urban Dictionary and you go, I know I'm really, really nervous. I know you're, you're like, buttoned up because you're a Catholic, but I'm from immigrant parents. This is very intense for me to talk about, so anyway, I would like to do an Urban Dictionary deep dive if I was your guest lecturer.

David, your turn, I would, I would absolutely like to David hopping take it away.

What was that music video we watched?

Oh, I forgot the name of it.

I feel like that would be a fun one to show everyone.

It would be, I wish we could figure it out.

It was like, number three. Yeah, I was on like, Vulture's top ten music videos of the year from Like, but it's like a really nice, really nice song in the background.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why don't you look it up? Do you have your phone? Oh man, just look it up.

By the way, Conan, you're talking about a restrictive background. I happen to be an Orthodox Jewish woman. Throw that one in.

So well, I think there's a there is a lot of similarities.

I talked to House of Air.

House of Air, We'll do it. Tony, You can come, you can come. On my podcast Intimate Conversations with Dr.

JANET I have no. I believe there are many similarities between the Orthodox Jewish community and very Strict and Poor and Irish Catholicism.

No, you, oh, without a doubt.

Yeah, I don't know why you went there. I was trying to make a nice, interesting cultural.

I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm sorry. So when I imply that you, you know, New Year, you know, was an adventurous or it had some adventures, I that was totally out of line. And then you went into naming your favorite fisting videos.

I mean, I can't, I, that's never. I've never done any of those things. I can say that like, I, you know.

No, when I said adventurous, I meant like, you read widely, like a scholar, OK, but you're quite chaste in your activity, oh boy.

Blah blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah blah.

Anyway, I'm trying to find the video. House of Air by Brendan McLean.

Yes, that's that.

And it's something you're recommending. House of Air by Brendan McLean Well, listen, you have some great fodder for your talk tomorrow with your thank you.

Do you want to add a topic?

Yeah, yeah.

What do you want to add, want to teach?

Yeah, I will. Well, I was so happy that I wasn't included.

I know that's, that's why I'm putting you on the spot right now.

Excited to not have to say anything.

I think I would sort of talk about how erotic it can be, just to keep your clothes on. It can be and be in separate rooms, each reading a different book. I think that is the height of eroticism, and I think people have taken this whole nudity thing too far.

That actually keeping your clothes on could be incredibly.

Oh, I'm clothed right now and I'm in a high state of erotic fervor.

So well, ok, oh no.

Yeah, no, trust me, nothing's happening.

I'm just saying, I'm not even going to ask David what that brings to mind.

Good Lord.

JANICE No, no, no, no, no, what's way out there? Listen to this story. Oh what? One of my mentors, sex therapist.

A pastor's wife who became a surrogate partner. OK, go ahead, she's someone who is not a surrogate partner.

That's the sex therapist does the talk therapy. But when you have someone who is like a 40 year old virgin, terrified to even be near someone, never kiss someone on the spectrum, someone who's had a lot of trauma. They can't just go out and use your advice and go date, they're terrified. So what you do is you get a surrogate partner and that's someone who will practice with them.

Oh, and actually have a person.

This is so not funny, her face is like.

I didn't know, but there are eyeballs.

You know, the cartoon eyeballs?

Hey, I have a question, is that so they'll have sex with this person? they will have sex if that's, it's supervised?

The whole process is under the supervision of the therapist. Therapist meets with the client before and after each session. Only a few sessions, and we'll direct what happens next. Where do they move to next in their next session?

Yeah, but if it includes intercourse, is it legal?

Well, first of all, it's legal. Actually, there's a there, I have a quote.

That's a good question.

That is a good question, I am curious.

It's it's considered because it's with consenting adults, and it's for the it's for the purpose of a therapeutic nature. Israel is one country that actually pays for the therapy.

Oh my god.

Someone who's been injured, lost a limb, has turned into themselves, can't connect with other people anymore. Their self-esteem is in the basement and you can get them with a certain partner who can kind of bring them back out. Learn how to use their body again. Wow.

When's this movie going to come out? when will, when can we see it?

Oh, we're, we're just we're. We're tweaking the screenplay, we're almost done, and then I have to raise money from you guys.

OK, I'll take care of that, don't worry about that. And also like, if I contribute financially, I want to walk on.

Oh, you know what you can be on? I'll, Hey, what the heck?

But I'd also like some prosthetics anyway. We'll talk about that later. Dr. Janice, we should run, but you've been an absolute joy.

Great work, too. I appreciate everything you do. I recommend your show always because it's just the best.

It's so fun whenever.

No, even if I have to watch, listen to what I work out. I row every day, you know, in indoor rowing and stationary rowing. And I want to listen to the political stuff. But I'll first listen to the opening of one of your show.

Oh, thank you, great.

Like, who cares about your guests? I really like to hear you guys thank you and you guys schmooze because you guys are just insane delightful.

Well, thank you so much Dr. Janice. that means a lot coming from you and we'll meet again, I'm sure. Take care.

Thanks guys, bye bye.

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