Disrespectfully - Can We Be Inappropriate? | Episode 11
2024-03-20 01:14:25
Welcome to "Disrespectfully," hosted by Katie Maloney and Dayna Kathan. These two besties have been through their fair share of life experiences. The good, the bad, and the unhinged. In Disrespectfully, they build off those lessons to discuss being unapologetically yourself, getting it wrong, career, mental health, relationships, sex, and whatever else they feel like. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll probably crack a bottle of wine- join Katie and Dayna as they share new episodes Wednesday’s wherever you get your podcasts. Make sure to email us problems, questions, or anything you need advice on at [email protected] and we shall answer them on the pod!
Hi, that's a way to start the day.
I know, I don't.
. I feel kinda itchy.
Fired up?
Can I be inappropriate?
You're fired up, go for it. Let it rip. Um... Welcome to, Disrespectfully.
With Katie Maloney.
And Dana Cathan.
Unapologetically.
We're here to do what we want to do.
Spilling the tea.
Babe, you're gonna see the power of women.
Like, disrespectfully. I love Sidney Sweeney's boob. They're so great.
Okay, out of the places, I thought that was gonna go.
Yeah, but I meant inappropriate in an objectifying way.
Okay, I need more information.
I know, okay, so I went to the GLAAD Awards last night, and she was there, she presented, and.
. Lovely. Glory. Yeah. And also, Jason Sudeikis was there, and he's...
He can get it.
Yes.
The man is fine. Their table, Ted Laszlo's table, is right next to ours, and where I was sitting, he was just right there in front of me. I had no choice but to just, like, ogle, oogle.
Did you say Bress or Sudeikis?
Sudeikis. And then I got Sudeikis, and then boobs. Sudeikis.
Bah, bah, bah, bah.
Boobs. I mean... And then, what else was there? Renee, Rapp.
I'm obsessed with her and her new girlfriend.
And, and, and.
. Oprah. You saw Oprah? Yeah, I had quite a night last night.
Yeah, how are you doing? You seem chipper, more chipper than I thought you were gonna be based on your text messages this morning.
And his husband, they had a table, and they had an extra little spot for me.
The hot one? Yeah. That really hot guy?
Yeah. Called Joey, my other brother.
Okay, yeah, I would like to be introduced. He's just so hot.
My other brother, Joey. Love. But yeah, it was such a great... I felt like it was such a privilege to go there, to attend. I can't...
To be in the same room as Cindy Sweeney's breasts.
Does this twitch it? I feel like there's, like, a little pulse in my upper brow hair.
Not that I see, but that can be a thing of exhaustion. We had very different nights.
That sounds amazing, and, yeah, Cindy Sweeney, I mean, and also she's such a beautiful girl in general, and, like, people who talk about, she wouldn't be pretty without her boobs, first of all, get fucked. Like, I just can't even imagine saying something so stupid, but...
Choke on those words.
Choke on those words. May her breasts never grace the same... She's beautiful from here up.
She's beautiful from.
. She'd be, like, it doesn't matter.
Any angle.
I don't care.
Well, while you were doing that last night, I had a particularly traumatizing incident, because my cat, Laszlo, was just spayed, and, you know, she's had the cone, it's not going well.
Cone of shame.
Cone of shame, so I put a onesie, like a cat surgery onesie, it's specifically for this, on her, and she hated that even more than the fucking cone. Please hold.
You want to see her walk in it? It's the most dramatic thing you've ever seen.
Did you, like, pick out this, like, pattern?
It was the only one that would deliver in 24 hours, when I realized how bad the cone was going.
This is so cute and also so ridiculous. What the fuck?
Okay, so here's the thing. Got this for her. This has been fucking harder for me than it has been for her. I'm, like, it's so upsetting. So, she's, like, her gait, she, like, walks like fucking Harry Potter, the prisoner of Azkaban, when what's-his-name turns into the fucking wolf, like, he's, like, walking like that.
It's not going well. And she just, she's, like, with a feather you can knock her over. So, she just keeps falling like the London Bridge. Like, she just gets really scared and falls over. And I didn't really consider that when I was factoring in the litter box situation.
So, I'm getting ready for bed. I'm FaceTiming Raleigh, and I hear this strange noise. I'm not going to go into graphic detail, because it's so disgusting. But all you need to know is she basically fainted in her litter box where things were happening. And I can't, like, properly bathe her right now, because she has fucking stitches.
I also don't do well with icky things, and was fucking screaming, crying, throwing up. So, you were at GLAAD, looking at Sydney's rack, having a wonderful evening next to hot Joey, brother, Joey, Ted Lasso. Oprah's just, like, radiating in the room, and I am dealing with a litter box trauma.
Do you know what the.
. I hear this, like, sound bite in my head. Oprah. What's that from?
I don't know, because my head is 99% sound bites.
Does anyone in this room know what I'm talking about? Oprah. No. I was asking everyone I knew last night, and they're like, Oprah. No, it's from a movie.
Oprah.
I don't know, I know. No more, saying it is not going to help.
Oprah's so, like, just, yeah.
How'd she look?
Great.
She looked great. Was she wearing purple? I feel like she wears purple all the time.
Do you want to see my photograph? I also could show you Sydney's boobs. Yeah, that's the bird. She was wearing purple. Black and purple.
Yeah, she loves purple.
And I took a video of Sydney, because the boob, boobin'.
Oh, yes. I am the founding member of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee. My whole life, it's been a thing. Anyone who has experienced that, like, trauma, growing up in eighth grade, you're just picked on relentlessly. I honestly would get a boob job if I was not afraid of so many people have bad reactions to the silicone and, like, have all these issues and get really sick.
So I would do that if I wasn't afraid of that.
Listen, from someone that went from, like, having, like, really small boobs to then gaining weight and then gaining chest, no. Boobs suck.
It's always bodacious, beautiful, big-titted women that say that. Whenever I say this, like, complain about my flat chest, people are always like, Raleigh will be like, my back hurts. You don't want these. And she has, like, the most, she has, like, a Sydney Sweeney-esque rack. And I'm like, girl, what are you talking about?
Like, that's so, if you woke up one day like me.
Because then you want to wear, like, certain tops or something like that. Like, top, you're like, nah. Gaslighting. I'll look just so, like, ugh.
Ugh, my big, beautiful boobs will just hang out.
I'm like, I want that. That's a dream. I'm telling you, you don't. From someone that's had both in life, uh-uh.
Nope. Well, I'm really happy for Sydney. I'm like, how does that happen, naturally? Anyways. Anyway, I think we've beat her rack to death.
And, you know, perhaps we should, you know, move on. But, girl, we, you know, big fans. You don't want to talk about this, but I don't care. We were just discussing this out there. This is, that's a pop culture icon.
Oh, because I met JoJo Siwa, too. And then you brought up Abby Lee Miller. Okay.
So, it was, yeah. It was the JoJo to Abby pipeline. Because I didn't realize that she was on Dance. Moms. JoJo, that was her start.
That was her first thing. Yeah. And how long was she on it for? Do you know? Girl, I don't know.
Long time?
Like, long enough for her to, like, launch a full-blown, like, career. Like, she's massive.
Totally. So, I was like, is that the Abby Lee Miller thing? And, obviously, I mostly have just seen clips online.
On her, like, wheelchair, like, backing out.
Oh, and just go and hauling ass to Baskin-Robbins, I'm pretty sure.
Ben and Jerry's, I think, or something.
Where did she go? Well, I love the, that's one of the most cinematic masterpieces. If that didn't win an Emmy, she's hauling ass for the 31 flavors after someone shames her for being on her phone. And I'm like, that's exactly how I'd react, too.
I would have to.
I mean, I understood.
I need some rocky road for this. Rocky road.
Exactly. No, she was, like, what an icon. But I'm, like, scrolling TikTok, and someone saw her working at the Cracker Barrel as a host, and people didn't believe it. First of all, she looks jamazing. Second of all, okay, we saw her in her wheelchair, so I thought that she used one.
all the time. She's standing up at the Cracker Barrel, yelling, like, parties of five, with just absolutely that voice. The voice. So, people didn't believe her, and then she posted a video of her voice, and it was definitely her. So, I'm like, what is going on?
I know you don't care about this, but I'm like.
. It's not that I care.
It's just like, I don't really know. how long can we talk about this.
Well, I mean, it's going to be a fleeting moment, but I'm just saying.
No, no. It's not that I don't care, but it's like, she kind of sucks.
She's a mean person, isn't she?
No, she's bad. Like, people, don't like her. So, it's like, okay, glad you're looking good these days. Congrats on the new job.
So, my other thing about it is, I'm like, I feel bad for people invading her privacy, and even if she's a bad person, if someone, like, used to be on reality TV and they get a job, I remember there was someone who was working at a Trader Joe's, and he was on a show, a really popular show in the 80s, and he, like, reposted it because he saw it and someone was making fun of him, and he was like, yeah, I have a job. Like, you know, it was not a good look. So, I understand that you're like, what is Abby Lee Miller doing here? But, I don't know. She has a job.
I did want to bring this up because I was thinking about it. I love massages. Like, that's, like my one, sort of like, not one, I have many luxury things I like to, like, indulge in. Treat yourself. I'm Mrs.
Treat Yourself, right? But, do you know what is the least relaxing thing? Is getting a massage from, like, a hot massage therapist. Has that ever happened to you?
No. I usually get the, like, burly person that looks like they've had some life experiences. Same. But, they have tender hands that are, like, rough in a way. You know what I mean?
Like, they're gentle with you, but firm in the way that you need.
Yeah, like, their hands are really soft, but really strong.
Mm-hmm. Also, I feel like I'd be like, I'd like a hot person. No?
No, you wouldn't. Everyone thinks that because it's like, that's, like, such, like, a fantasy kind of trope of, like, ooh, like, you get the hot massage and then you're like, you know, and then you, like, fuck.
I'm thinking about that Sex in the City episode where Sam sees that hot masseuse and, like, grabs his junk and then gets in trouble.
Well, yeah, because, like, she'd heard that he, like, does stuff. But, no, let me tell you. So, it'd be easier if you just knew what I was talking about, because the whole time, you're like, oh, great, this person's, like, very attractive.
Why wouldn't you want a hot person rubbing you? I'm just like, of course you do.
But then, do you know, then you're sitting, okay, let me just paint this picture. They greet you. You're like, wow, very attractive person. Here we go. So now you have to take your clothes off.
So now you have your clothes off. They don't have their clothes off. That's not usually how it works.
There's a power imbalance all of a sudden.
Exactly. So. now you're, like, laying there and you're like, wow, this person's, like, attractive. I wonder, like, what they do for fun.
What they do for fun?
Because you start thinking about this. You're like, why am I thinking about this person? Stop thinking about it.
Your face is in the pillow and you're like, so what are you doing?
No, you're not. But you're just, like, kind of like, you're, like, wondering about this person. Why? Because that's how we think. Like, you know, when you, come on.
This is why it's not relaxing. You know? And then you're like, I wonder if they think I'm attractive.
They probably do.
And then you're like, what if they do? Now, I don't have clothes on and they're touching my body. I'm just supposed to lay here.
Well, we saw Sam got in trouble, so we can't. And then you go to roll over and you have the face prints and you try to do it, like, sexy. And you roll over and you're like, those are great things.
No, I'm just, like, one of those. The seals.
The seals?
You know, like, remember, you know, in San Francisco, when they all, like, lay on the, like, wooden things?
Then one gets in the water and all of them do. They're like, er, er, er.
What are they called?
A seal, babe. It's just a seal. So you're feeling like a seal.
I'm a seal pup. You're like, and I'm like, er. And they're like, oh, so cute.
And they do that when they pat their bellies because they're just,
and they, just, like, lay on each other. They flop around. That's me on a massage table.
And you're lubricating.
Do you get what I'm saying?
Yeah, I know I do. I just don't agree. I feel like I just love to be touched so much that I just, like, no, I don't care.
Bitch, I go every single week to get touched. And then, all of a sudden, you have this fine dude and you're like, I can't, I can't relax. I'm all like this. I'm like, ugh. They're, like, touching, like, your groin.
They're touching your butt.
Oh, yeah. They're like, is there anything off limits? And you're like, you grab your seal just right there and you're like, absolutely not.
I'm just telling you,
it is not, absolutely nothing.
The purpose of that is to, like, relax and just, like, just do that. And all of a sudden you're like, I'm thinking way too much about shit that I should not be thinking about and I need to just disassociate. I literally need someone just to smack me across the face.
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I need to tell you a secret that I've been hiding from you. What? It fucking relates to this. I'm sorry. It does.
Okay. So, back a few episodes ago, when you were telling us about your your date with Crispin Glover.
Yeah.
Okay. I was so ashamed I'm literally like crying because I'm going to laugh that I didn't know who that was. Before. I. I googled him when I got home and I was like, oh, that guy?
And I'm the reason I did. it was because I was like, am I so fucking stupid? I knew his face, I just didn't know his name. So, I like, went with it because I didn't want to look stupid and I should have just embraced it. but like who the fuck is that?
Because you know who that is? Creepy Thin Man from Charlie's Angels. Yeah. That is how I know him. is Creepy Thin Man.
This relates to what I'm about to tell you.
Okay.
One of the worst things that has ever happened to me happened to me during a massage and it was basically Creepy, Thin Man, but shorter and he looks like Crispin Glover, but less hot and weird. So, he was giving me weird energy. I'm on a trip. My friend was like one of work, you know, for sales, like in a ward, and she got a trip to Santa Barbara for the weekend and we got like spa treatments and shit, and so she brought me. So, we get in there and he's odd.
Immediately odd, and I'm like, well, I'm in here, I'm in the robe. what am I going to do? Leave? So, I get naked, I get on the table, I'm getting this massage and you know how massages. they always feel too quick, like you know that things are going too quickly.
That's why I'm always like what's the longest? 3 hours? Legit. 90, 120?.
So, in this scenario, you're going to not want that. Let me just tell you right now. So, all of a sudden I'm like wow, I've been in here for what feels like a fucking eternity. Like I've time warped. something is going on.
So, he goes at the beginning of the treatment. he's like do you want any extra flourishes? And I'm, like you know, in love. actually, when the guy is like making the gift bag and he's like what are you going to do? Put some buttons on it, cover it in yogurt because he's taking too long.
Oh yeah. He gets out like a little sprig of whatever.
He's like doing this whole thing flourishes. So, I think you know, like add-ons right? But what kind of weird Willy Wonka way is that of saying fucking, do you want me to rub your scalp extra? I'm like okay. So, I tell him no.
So, then he starts doing all these like weird things on me that are lovely. Like I'm. it feels nice, whatever he's doing. But at one point I'm laying on my back and I could feel him like his junk is basically.
on my crown.
and I can feel his breathing like palpitating. Like he's like really going for it and I started to feel super uncomfortable. but, as you know, women we always justify things that are like am I imagining this? Whatever. So, we get up and he takes me.
I see where all the other guests are going. He takes me like a really long way to the front and he kind of holds me there for a minute and he's like asking me how long I'm going to be in town and blah, blah, blah, and we're in Santa Barbara. and he's like I come to LA all the time. if you ever need a massage, here's my card, blah, blah, blah, and I was like I need this interaction to be fucking over. So, I leave the next day.
we're still on the property and I'm like.
it doesn't end after that? No, no, no.
We're getting to the worst part. So, I told my friend about it and I was like I don't know, maybe I just made it up in my head. We're at the little, fucking little gym. we're like working on walking the treadmill next to my friend Katya. shout out, Katya, we love her.
I pull up LinkedIn because I have a LinkedIn notification and I was like this is so weird. click it. the masseuse fucking looked at my paperwork, found my name, found me on LinkedIn, added me on LinkedIn.
What the fuck is that?
Very unethical, like she, obviously. why do I? I don't want to link with a masseuse. I don't need to professionally connect with you in that way. so you're obviously doing this because you thought it was the safest bet between that and Instagram of like, basically sliding in my DMs through LinkedIn.
It's professional.
Yeah, exactly. It's business. Yeah, he's like this is business groping. I'm like sir.
Okay, but he was hot.
I would have added him.
See?
Immediately. you're like I would have fucked him.
on that. I was like you don't even have to bring your little bed, just come to mine. it's fine, we can just use mine. yeah, absolutely, I would have, but he was.
creepy, but I mean.
isn't that fucking weird? I could feel him like lusting after me as he's rubbing my shoulders and spraying lavender everywhere, but I was just like.
see, but that's. that's why it's either the most relaxing time or it's fucking hot.
I mean we probably got a two hour treatment, but
and that's what I mean. and that's what, and the difference is if they're hot or not.
you know when they're like.
do you want a male, female or a male or a female therapist? they want to be like. do you want hot? not hot mid? gas lighter?
disappointing? how about you ask, emotionally unavailable?
yeah, emotionally available. do they think I'm hot?
what's? yeah, I want. I want to see their big work.
would they be thinking about me while I'm thinking about them?
can we cuddle after?
is that one of the extra services?
yeah, my massage this week was not that. I don't know if the guy.
what if he wanted to add you on LinkedIn? maybe he did, and he just felt too intimidated.
oh, if he, if he were to have like slid into the DMs, I would have been like sup. I went back times.
sorry, that was not English.
are you hungover? duh, I also said it in a nice way, just because you said you had martinis last night.
I had martinis and wine. I was drinking Chardonnay at one point. are you fucking kidding me? should we do a shot?
listen.
should we turn in this episode, you guys, and kick things up a notch?
I went back multiple times to this person.
so then what is the problem?
well, I got comfortable. eventually, like, you know, I felt familiar. eventually it was fine I knew, like the the initial, whatever you know.
wore off. you need to get your Samantha Jones on and if this conversation makes it into promos, they need to cut the video with her grabbing his dick because she's like running out of time. and she grabs his dick and she goes is this okay? and it cuts to him with the boss of the place and she's like apparently it wasn't, but I don't think.
he goes to the place that I go to anymore.
I need to ask you a question what? and this leads into a little bit I have to talk about it. it's something so upsetting just happened in my life recently that you know about, but I would like the audience to interact with me on this and let me know what they think. I'm pretty sure I know your opinion, but speaking of sleuthing, so many women commonly are FBI agents right? so we go, we find things, we help our friends creep we do.
I'm very good at sleuthing.
you're very good at that. I'm actually not, and I also don't want to hurt my feelings. I don't like to know anything. I'm very like.
well, sometimes I think you have to hurt your own feelings.
oh, I prefer to live in the land of fucking delusion, but I'm not as good. you're good. a lot of friends we have really good at it. I have never fucking heard of someone doing this. I had a situation recently with someone where we met.
we hit it off, they went and found my Spotify and they went through every single one of my Spotify playlists and the way that this came up. they didn't like tell me willingly at first, like we had been hanging out for a few days, and then it came up because we were driving and my music was playing, and they were like oh yeah, I can tell your music tastes blah, blah, blah. and I was like how this playlist is random and this is the only one we've listened to and they were like well, I actually found your Spotify and went through every single one of your playlists and all your songs, then went on to mansplain to me about music and were like yeah, it seems like you listen to a lot of festival style music. it feels like.
such an whoa baby.
thanks, Lea, we love you.
it feels like such an invasion of privacy, even if it's like public and like it's fine to do that, but it's like also like it's so playlists and things like that can be so intimate. that's what we're saying, like if someone sends you a playlist. it's like body. you know what I mean.
let's take this shot and then I'm gonna get courage to discuss this, because it's like so fucking upsetting. we were already kind of getting into it.
cheers.
every fucking time. Katie's like. I just watched her soul leave her body. you did that really casually, but then she just completely disassociated. she's like thinking about her masseuse.
I was just telling this Spotify part so says the weird music festival thing. then it's like yeah, I really try and stay away from top 40s. it would really blow your mind. the music I could show you. I have a very eclectic music taste.
guess what I do fucking like top 40 because it's great. it's top 40 for a reason, but I like lots of different kinds of music. as we just went on a fucking emo cruise, it was just such a weird take and nothing fucking turns me off more than when someone tries to big dick you about music or movies or TV shows. those are the same kind of people that are like. I don't really watch TV and I'm like well, I'm sorry, your life sucks so much because I watch it for 8 hours a day and I love it.
I love each hour.
more than the last.
the I don't watch TV. people are the worst.
well, I'm never gonna have sex with you. just know that if you don't watch TV, how can I possibly relate to you as a person?
oh, what a flex. you don't watch TV. oh you're so cool.
what do you do with your time?
oh, you read books. you, like you, go outside. I'm just kidding.
no, I'm just saying.
it's not a flex to like, not take in, like all forms of entertainment and media. it's just like not. it's like okay, cool, like good for you.
for me, it's okay to feel that way, but anyone who tries to take anything that they do in life and act like they're on a high horse or above it, okay, I'm like okay, Seabiscuit, calm the fuck down, okay?
trying to like, size or sum someone up outside of conversation and spending time with them is really bizarre to me. I don't. I don't understand that. it's like yeah, if you wanna like, learn some. yeah, you can comb through somebody's feed on Instagram or their Spotify, but like that's not gonna tell the full story of a person, you might get a clue.
or like a idea of who somebody is, but like why would you and then come with opinions on their taste and judge them and be like oh, I could really blow your mind. I could really.
you could blow my mind, I'm that's.
something tells me I would be so underwhelmed.
yeah,
something tells me what I will judge someone for when it comes to their social media, especially a dude, is their following. if I wanna hurt my feelings because I want to give myself an egg, because a guy is playing in my face and I'm just like you know what I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it.
who they're following or who's following them.
who they follow, who they follow. sorry, their followers not like their followers, but they who they follow, because that is revealing and it's not how many people they follow. but if I go in that and I just am doing a scroll and it's just boobs ass.
tits. it's like Sydney, sweetie, Ted Lasso, Oprah. no, I'm just kidding.
no, but you know, you know what I'm talking about. it's like it is nothing but, and you know, no offense to those girls, you're lovely and all that, but it's like if it is just one Instagram thought after the next. it's like my guy. this is your visual diet. this is what you're taking in on your feed every day and you're following it.
and what like? interacting with it, like I am not for you and you are not for me. that's okay.
bye, bye. that's the thing, though, is you have to be able to know that about yourself, because I think sometimes people get into relationships with other people where they see those things when they're first starting to date, and they just hope that eventually they'll have enough upper hand or love in the relationship to be like hey, I need you to change who you are like. we know those guys. they aren't going to change. it is what it is, or they'll just get sneakier.
and I have a hard time because, like, okay, you know what like if you're a single guy and like that's single behavior, okay, it's hard to like, not knock somebody for that, but also like, I don't want to date that dude, to be honest. so I will hurt my feelings and be like time to find out, time to find out if he's that guy.
how quickly do you do it into like knowing someone?
probably pretty quickly? yeah.
problem is it makes up so much of the population. but that's why right now, while single and not dating anyone, I the level of unbothered I feel when I see TikToks now that I just can't relate to of like people's lives being ruined by someone who did you? you haven't watched. Love is Blind yet, have you? no, I have.
are you done?
no, I don't watch it all the way through. I was talking to my friend about this because after they get out of the pods and now they're like living the messy little lives in like the wherever they go, you know, I kind of lose interest.
so I this season.
because I find out how trash some of them are, and I'm like oh.
this season was very interesting and I just watched the reunion and there's a guy on it who gets fully fucking caught. he's in the pods. before he goes in the pods, he has a girlfriend. he claims it wasn't my actual girlfriend. which one was it?
Trevor? he's in the pods fucking. it's one of the most uncomfortable things I've actually seen of any reality TV show. he gets Nick Lachey and Vanessa Lachey absolutely body him like he is it is. it is watching a murder on TV.
it is so crazy the way he walks out. they have fucking receipts immediately run through it. they're like what do you have to say for yourself? and Nick Lachey's? like you can leave and he walks out and no one claps, so essentially.
is Trevor the one he had a mullet. that's him. he's the one with the mullet, and everyone was like oh my god.
okay. so he is not a nice guy, so he pretends to basically not have a girlfriend. also to the girlfriend, he tells her he needs to go have this experience, but he's just trying to push his career along. he gets out the second he's out of the pods and has his phone. he texts her and is like I'm so in love with you.
this entire thing was fake for me. I'm gonna marry you and she's like I'm crying. I miss you, blah, blah, blah, and even on his way, I think that day to go film the reunion. this is still going on and she sold him the fuck out. he was down the river.
she did not care, maybe because she found out he was fucking around on her or whatever.
because she watched the show and realized that he was like about to propose to somebody.
I mean because he was just telling her the whole time like it's not real, whatever, but the thing is he absolutely like. he literally sits there like this. it's like you in an emergency. he's like.
just does absolutely nothing.
it's like someone has fainted in front of him and it's like it's hard to watch. but it's also. he even says on the show he almost started crying. it was like crazy, but when he's trying to defend himself, he goes yeah, I just. she wasn't my actual girlfriend, but you're saying I'm in love with you, I wanna marry you.
it's literally those guys who are so emboldened to say that shit.
Tom and Tom, good, alright.
no, no, let's pivot now that you brought them up anyway. it's those people that are always fucking following all the hot ass bitches and are gonna ruin your life.
yeah, they're in all the DMs.
Tom and Tom. I'm sorry, I don't like we don't wanna keep talking about them either, so maybe they could just straighten up and fly right and we wouldn't have anything to say watching Tom talk about running up to a homeless person and basically shoving money in their hand and then doing a like.
can you hold this to me for a quick?
and sprinting away. that is the most to me, was like dehumanizing them, as people like an unhoused person that is just sitting like you can't just go up to them and be like hey, like here you seem like you need help. or do you need help? just this is how you do it, man. you just shove it in their hand, you run away.
were you raised in a barn?
like what. I don't know why tricking someone or making someone not like or throwing them off like that is supposed to be like the right thing to do, or how you should. I don't know who would ever take advice from Tom Sandoval? okay.
he wants to believe he's a good guy, so bad. he thinks that just giving an unhoused person money makes you like you're. you're not a good cause. you're like doing it in a way that's, I don't know, genuine. so he basically is saying like, if you do it quick and trick them like wow, I just did something so cool, like amazing, and I just did it so fast they couldn't even say no, like, as if they don't have agency, or it is so weird.
but that's what he's basically saying.
he doesn't give anyone that kind of agency and everyone thinks it's such a good. they think he's great because of it, like the way he, just like, drops money into people's paypal accounts when they ask for it and everyone's like.
oh, that's looking.
really nice, it's like.
is it nice or is it buying people?
it's kind of buying loyalty down the line, because it's you know, whether it makes him feel good or he just knows like, even if he knows that somebody needs it, it's just like I would. I don't. I would not accept money from a friend like that. I would send it right back to them and just be like I just I don't. I know that.
maybe you know that I'm hard up right now, but I can't accept this from you because it always ends up bad.
well, it's like a bad credit card. the interest rates are just too high. what exactly am I taking this money? there's no fucking free lunch.
no.
attached to someone like that.
no, I just can already feel this. I can already like know how this is going to be leveraged against me. he didn't ever give me money, but he sure as hell wanted to remind me how much money he was bringing into my household. he was not kind about it. everyone that's like, oh my god, but he like, really helped me out when I needed it.
it's like he's not, though.
do you know what's interesting lately? this discourse of, like the last few episodes, and people saying that you basically have a hard on for him? like that you, you're critical.
I'm holding a grudge and all that.
ok, here's the thing he did, something horrible. like. you're a good friend, that's, it is what it is. but furthermore, he was really horrible to you for years and years and years, and I don't know why everyone's forgetting that.
I would be a damn fool to ignore. you know, it's like ignoring red flags, ignoring the writing on the wall, to stick my head in the sand and pretend that this person has not shown me exactly who they are. and I'm somebody that likes to learn from mistakes and learn from. you know the past so I can grow. I don't want to.
I don't want to like stay in the past and keep like on this like wheel of like hell. if somebody is not someone that is up to my standards in terms of friendship or relationship or anything like that, like, I don't want to make room for it in my life. and he's someone that's shown to me that, like, I cannot do that with you anymore. you haven't been a good friend. you've done horrible things.
you've talked to my mother, my family, in despicable, horrible ways, like you, just like. so. so again, it's not about holding a grudge just because I'm. I have a wonderful life with wonderful people in it, and he's just not one of them, and I've made that decision.
and your life is better for it.
any other questions. I mean yeah.
I just. it's crazy to me. that's a great example that whole give money to people and run.
away.
he really believes that he did something like he's like. he believes that that that was you know what a flex or whatever, or like proving himself how selfless he is and that he wants to pander this philosophy to others. and I'm like babe, you are. I've never met a more disconnected from reality person and my dad is my dad. so that's like should fucking tell you, like anyone that knows him.
and I say that with my whole fucking chest, because I know he creeps on this and so do his cronies. but anyway we'll get into daddy issues another time. but my point is, I know a fucking delusional narcissist when I see one. yeah, I'm like babe, you're fucking, it's just not it.
it's like a dump truck going through a fucking china shop hello.
hello. every time he does something, I immediately become Australian. I'm like every fucking thing I see online that he does. I'm like, and we've all been cringe. we've all had our moments, but his moment never ends.
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I know I kind of just did a little whiff when you said that.
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earlier when you were talking about Jason Sudeikis. this is a quick little quip. oh, i keep more daddies from our daddy list. keep popping up. Shawnee and Alex, do you know?
i fucking okay everyone. i was at dinner the other night and i look up and i sit down. i'm with Raleigh and her mom and her mom's best friend, and they all. i'd gone to the bathroom. so they all were just sitting there clucking away and i sat down.
i grabbed Raleigh's leg on the table. i was like do you know who's sitting in front of us right now? she's like who hadn't noticed? ah. and i was like oh my fucking god.
Johnny Knoxville himself he's so fine in all of his salt and pepper glory was sitting across. what i have to assume is a wife and children. so i was devastated. but oh my fucking god. the way that all of us from the early 2000s if you're in your teens, like we're so obsessed with him, he looks better.
yeah, no, he's aged so nicely like a fine wine and you think he would age with like a fine old english or like a fine mad dog 2020, based on what he put his body.
through, but my god, the man looks good. i saw him one time in uh to hung a village like grabbing like a pizza or something, and i was just like.
but he grabbed it. well, yeah, he was, but he picked that shit up.
both hands? oh yeah, both hands. well, and i'm not.
like. obviously we live in la and i don't say this to sound pretentious, but we see like big salives all the time. i seldom like get a big, i seldom get a big bra. i seldom like have big reactions. i never asked for selfies.
he was one that i like, wanted to ask for a photo and wanted to smell his chest. but i'm like again. i want to be respectful of his wife and kids and i'm like look away, you look, you look like a gen z. i'm sure you could do this well on point five, but i want to feel your dad up anyway. i'm sorry, i respect disrespectfully.
maybe. yeah, he's fucking hot. yeah, anyway, i could not believe we need to get a better name for like the daddy.
list and just keep it going. yeah, i know i was. i'm actually thinking about that because i was like add him to the list. what's the list called? yeah, i don't know, but yeah, jason sudeikis, johnny, not daddy's, i do disrespectfully.
fucking list. welcome to the fucking. should we just call it the fucking list? double entendre? we'll play with it, we'll word chop it.
we're no good on the spot, but like we're good offline.
i've met johnny knoxville once too. i used to work on tony hawk's podcast and he came on and i lost my fucking shit.
daddy, he tony hawk, go ahead the way that i acted, so like. we made a quick eye contact and i was like like i was basically enjoying my dinner like this, like one of those old fucking portraits from the 1900s of like how the silhouette photos. i'm like having dinner with people looking like that because i like too shy to look. i'm like using my fucking knife, my butter knife, and i'm like god.
anyway, yeah, did he have his glasses on? he did. he did have his glasses on when daddy's with their like salt and pepper hair, and then they put on those, like you know, black rimmed glasses.
and they have like a tuft too, like a nice tuft of that's the home pepper. i know i'm like fucking. it's hot, i'm hyperventilating. it's warm. we have so many, we haven't even gotten to the fucking meat and potatoes.
today we have so many fucking fun things to talk about. first of all, what you're glad. awards. last night i sent you at least five hot fire tiktoks that i was waiting eagerly next to my onesie cat with her goddamn cone for you to watch, because they were so fucking funny. idaho prison tiktok, oh yeah, are you?
on it. i i'm. you know, i i dabble, i'm, i'm curious.
oh i'm, but you dabble, i'm, i'm idaho prison tiktok fluid. are you about to?
like dive in. are you about to, like jay, pay? okay, you're about to send some shit to the the commissary.
okay, here's the thing. wow, i don't know how i got on this. and also we need to talk about the tiktok ban. it's like fucking insane. here's the thing.
i got on it randomly and people in the comments who were haters were like says more about you, it's your for you page. and i was like yeah, as britney spears once said, mama, i'm in love with a criminal like, is that? is that a crime to love a criminal? but these like hot ass fucking guys that have neck tattoos and are just like trash bags, which is my preferred breed.
it's such a problem that i like, love a tatted god, because like and they it's just chock full. that's where that's.
and they're. they're usually there for under 365 days. so how bad can it really be? i'm thinking it's a non-violent offense and somehow i got on it and i haven't really been seeing it lately. and last night i saw a man from idaho prison, tiktok, singing.
we found love in a hopeless place, which so it was you coded because really, and it was me coded because prison and i fucking this our treatment. it was literally like if our worlds came together and i was so fucking jazzed about it because i've yet to see someone sing, and then the next guy was even hotter, but he was like i'm 23 and i was like. this always fucking happens to me. lately, anyway, my point is, if you're not on idaho prison, tiktok, break with convention. don't worry about people.
judging your for you page, it's a fucking delight. i've learned what jpeg is. they basically are all just like looking for a sugar mama, but, like i'm, a grown woman with a bank account, that's lonely.
and then there's like i like this for you. what's the reality show about this? that's like love after lockdown. oh yeah, love after. have you seen it?
yeah, i haven't seen it, but then people were commenting on that and i was like, yeah, i don't think it's gonna go like. well, i'm just saying for the plot dina, formerly on vanderfump rules.
i can. i can see your lower third, oh yeah, and your your, your like little package that they do in showing you to the show.
absolutely and like you, got to bring the mob wife.
aesthetic into this right here, this little portion of the.
anyway, can you just watch my hot fire tiktoks i sent you because they're just.
for you. yeah, girl, i, i listen. i came home last night. i laid on my couch. i took some weird selfies.
oh, i love your drunk selfies. listen, i was wearing a cool dress. hot the dress.
was cool. the dress was okay. it was good dress i have.
really great dress for the reunion tomorrow. i'm really excited about that.
how are you feeling about the reunion? i never know what to expect because i.
never know, kind of like fresh hell. people are gonna bring or not bring? i don't know. i just have to go in. i'm like i'm gonna go in with a clear head, clear mind, and just try to speak from like a really honest place.
clear eyes, full heart, can't?
lose texas forever. that's me, yeehaw, well, fucking cowboy carter's coming out, so all of a sudden i guess i'm, you know, fucking into country. did you drink last night? no, also, i'm so congested. so you guys and i like put jeans on today if you're not watching, because i've been a fucking trash can.
okay, this entire series. so we we did unpack. after the cruise we decided that rose and jack would not have last. this is really hard left it is i just. but i wanted to say it because we did.
we talked so much about that and i was really bummed that no one rose to it. be hated me, i can't say the same, so we were.
but they would not have lasted, okay. so me and katie were on a hawker walk on sunday, which led to queso dip, which led to margaritas, which led to i was fucking drunk watching the oscars. okay, that was a series of events. while we're on our walk and we're all horned up because daylight savings with me. huh oh, i keep that thing on me.
okay, so it's like eating gum. you have that.
shitting for seven years. i watched it hardening in the bowl and i kept eating it to my stomach and i was like.
oh, i'm drinking margaritas, watching it completely solidify and scooping it out.
i was like. i was like that is that's doing that.
in me. okay, so we're with the solidified cheese. margaritas are flowing. we're having this walk, though we had an epiphany. i can't remember how we got to it, but we basically were like the reason that these movies are so fucking romantic because someone died, because they died and they knew each other for fucking 72 hours.
okay, before the door on the water, it's whirlwind.
it's like not supposed to happen. it's star crossed, it's not. it was never.
meant to last. it was never meant to last. they would have gotten to the statue of lib and he immediately would have been like you know what you're actually um pretty high maintenance for me. i'm a painter. yeah, i accept dimes, so do you have like a?
retirement plan do you have like a 401k? she's like it's good, you know, are you.
into stocks and bonds and their bond would have been broken. so the the way that this story goes down history. it was three fucking days. meanwhile i'm not on a boat and i don't die and i fall in love with someone in three days and everyone's upset and it's like she's unstable. and i'm like.
how stable was that bitch falling in love in the sweaty car? oh, if they wouldn't have died, it wouldn't have been this big fucking love story. he would have ghosted her immediately the ellis island. they signed the book and he would have used a pseudonym so she would know his real name and he'd be fucking out of there. yeah, he would.
have been down at the pub every night playing fucking.
marbles or whatever they're doing karaoke, dice.
and not coming home, and she would have been like jack, i'm fucking sick of your.
shit, dude, ordering mozzarella sticks like you need to fucking care in the world. well, that's what i do at our dives, he.
would order slices with his buddies trying to like just you know, make a buck while she's like at home being like.
jack. this is bullshit. he'd be like i need to find myself he's.
painting bitches. she's like who's this jack, who's this?
he pulls out her fucking scroll. another french girl. it's like the 1912 dm. yeah, he's like. who's this?
this is from memory.
you're crazy. the gaslighting they got. i found another drawing of yours.
jack. look at the date i was drunk. this was last week.
yeah, they wouldn't have lasted, because it's only romantic, because they died same with fucking romeo and juliette. we, we fucking love the clare danes.
leo again. it's a fucking conspiracy. any fucking leo dicaprio movie it wouldn't.
have lasted. what about gay gatsby? no, i'm gonna go there. does anyone die? yeah, who?
oh yeah, they get a car accident.
someone okay, spoiler alert, just kidding, if you haven't seen it. it's like okay. 2024, relax, okay, but um um.
romeo and juliette. they were fucking teenagers. they were chilling each other up little, i know, but also listen. she got to mac with fucking paul, rudd and leo hot leo, whatever. that's not the point.
yeah, it's romantic, because they end up dying and you're like oh my god, like. i would totally kill myself if i couldn't be with my lover like, probably not like i.
think about all those. maybe take a klonopin.
like yeah, think about some grass, like, think about all those dudes that like, oh my god, like this hurts so bad. and then, like the next week, you're like that guy, yikes. look, i'm aware, big yikes, i'm in so many. look at who he's following and then you'll be like.
that's embarrassing. i'm in so many people's memory banks as they are, yikes, and i've accepted that, but the people that i thought that i like died for devastating. there's not a single fucking one that i'm like. wow, i wish that had worked out now that yeah, i would, i would.
blow my brains out for them.
not one, not fucking one one, and i don't. i kind of wish there was just to experience, i don't know, just to know what that would be like, feel.
something i don't know i, i just think you're.
making excellent points. no, actually, i want to know if anyone has ever felt that for me, not for me.
maybe for you. i don't have that. i know there's no one. that's like the one that got away. they're like thank fucking god.
i'm like i wasn't medicated, like i'm sorry, like my dad didn't love me.
if you thought i was dead, would you drink poison? have you me? no, no, not you. i want. i want to know if anyone has ever felt that for me.
i know you're saying, but ask me, would you drink that? yeah, no, you wouldn't.
well, i'm a loyal ass bitch. i'm do you know that? to fault and dysfunctional. so maybe i, maybe i'd i'd have a little lick of it. i wouldn't drink the whole thing a bit.
you smell it, mm-hmm. yeah, kind of like a popper. just those are sold over the counter. i don't care about talking, but i saw, i saw.
tiktok once. don't do poppers, that that drop their poppers.
and they just go and he's like smell it.
listen, uh yeah, it wouldn't be. everyone has the poison if i.
drink poison, you selfish, why not bitch? i'm like we're. we're in it together. sure for the plot, for the pot, we're so fucking toxic for the plot. i'm here for a good time.
at my funeral. the only time i pop up from my would be to look, make eye contact with you and go.
and then pop back down. that's what we decided was that this shit was romantic, because one leonardo di caprio, two, they die, yeah.
absolutely. it's not talked about enough. oh, we have some other.
fun things to talk about. i know you guys. next, yeah, we've been doing this for a.
while other fun things we've been talking.
can we fucking do? basement mine was just basically like la traffic and potholes, because i'm really sick of it.
shit, i'm really sick of it. no, i've been driving around like literally hitting potholes. all of a sudden. it's like low pressure tire, like on my thing. i got like an alert that won't go away.
every time i turn on my car, it's like and i'm like, and then i sit there. i sat like it's just there's traffic non-stop. okay, wait, here's the.
basement la. it rained in la one time we were discussing it. yeah, there's a thousand potholes. i just got a new car. every on.
ram is like the moon. yes, i was blue right. mine right near my house almost blew out a tire. so
la is the surface of the moon. there's craters everywhere, but you know what la has, which i'm, which potholes essentially are, but just in a little tiny version, sinkholes. imagine you're driving.
it's like quicksand. yeah, who are we talking to? we're like i.
thought i'd be dealing a lot more with quicksand, ally. yeah, i thought we would be me too shout out to west and ally i'm.
scared of sinkholes. so bad. i really don't want to do that or mud.
slides, irrational fear, quicksand sinkholes, and i don't know. there was like this one post. i said i was going to repost it of like. i don't know. it's like kenosha county somewhere.
i think it's called kenosha, what they're like they were posting. did you just call me kenosha? i don't know. it was if someone like reposted it. it was like i'm like, like i'm on a meme page, basically, and it was a very earnest thing.
where they're like. there was like an outreach to the community. they're like hey, if you have a pothole, whole thing, come fill my hole, take a picture. and it went on and on and on about like come and fill your hole, fill your hole, and i was like her masseuse. she's like.
ew.
we got a new segment. we have a new segment. let's talk about it. let's talk about it. it's called hometown heroes.
home spelled h-e-a-u-x-m-e home town heroes. so we were kind of joking, not really about you guys sending stuff in. and also we want your crazy dating stories, your bad dating stories, your bad relationship stories, your dating success stories, your slutty.
slutty stories. sorry, i don't know what else to say. i don't anything, that's.
interesting, like anything at all, for this community we've created that you.
think you know what we're talking about.
yeah, you get the vibe. the good, the bad, the unhinged is what we're looking for. any of it? same exact email, disrespectfullypod at gmail.com in addition to advice, and wwdd, send us your stories. we got two this week and they are so fucking funny and unhinged.
so let's get into it okay. hometown heroes, oh m says. six years ago, after a funeral, i found myself in an auto parts store with my parents. the guy at the front desk caught my eye, tall, tanned with a full sleeve tattoo. sounds like idaho prison, tiktok hot.
we exchanged glances, but he didn't ask for a number. later, at my apartment, i opened tinder and there he was. we matched and i thought fate was at play. we chatted for a bit and he asked me out to dinner a movie but the night before the date he sent me a pretty cringe worthy poem. i feel this in my soul based on what happened to me recently.
person, excuse me, this is the poem pearl, smile and mocha eyes. stare at you and not realize.
lips so red, fogging thoughts in my head. you're a poem i've never read. yes, he misspelled red. he spelled it r-e-d. you have words i've never said.
skin with glow, like stars putting on a show. one and one will go with the flow. let's go, hun. we can go real slow. is this like fucking?
if christian gray fucked dr seuss, it would be this you don't drive, but in work ethic you thrive. you hustle and strive. dedication on your mind, tight like a hem and sparkle, and gem can't wait to go out with this girl named em. despite the warning signs, i went ahead with the date. he showed up with a too tight red polo, attracting ridicule from a neighborhood football mascot.
10 minutes in, he asked me what my red flag is and at the time i had a crazy stalker ex. so i told him about that. i asked him what his was and he told me that he's in the witness protection.
because he used to be a drug dealer. i've dated so many drug dealers and work for el chapo, to which i was like okay, sure, he's bullshitting me. he's bullshitting me and thinks this is cool or something, because who is stupid enough to announce that they're in the witness protection? the rest of the meal is blank. we head to the movie and he got us tickets to see deadpool 2, deadpool 2.
he didn't even ask if i had seen the first one. i didn't. i was still uncomfortable at this point, and he's just pushing through out of nowhere in the theater. he puts his head on my lap and i push it off. we go a while without talking and then he whispers in my ear that he had a surprise for me later and he couldn't keep it anymore.
the surprise was his dick piercing. is he royalty? because, prince albert, i let him know that i would not be meeting his penis once the movie was done. he took out his id to show me his picture while hiding his last name and started giggling about how he couldn't show me, and i blatantly told him that i thought that was really weird. he drove me home and i had a joint on me.
i asked him if i could smoke because i would not be sober with his man. another second i light it up and he takes it from my hand. he starts smoking. he parks outside my apartment and tells me that that he really misses the money from drug dealing and then starts crying out of nowhere about how he misses his mom in columbia. i was confused because he told me he was from calgary.
i told him i would not be comforting him and that it was time to go back back home. i shared the bizarre experience with my mom, who surprisingly found his mugshot online. he had been arrested for trafficking meth in utah. luckily, a week later i met my now husband and everything fell into place. it's a crazy story, but reminder not to give up on dating, no matter how weird it gets.
lady bird, what i'm confused about, that's not the. that's not the message i took from this story. the message i took from the story is trust your fucking instinct and do not go on a date when someone sends you a fuzzy gloves poem. it's a sex in the city reference. yeah, um, is that?
thank you for sharing that, thank.
you for sharing that that's. that was not. i want to. that's like a bedtime story.
el chapo. what's the? what's your least favorite part of this? mine's the poem i.
think his too tight pillow.
his dick piercing that he thought was a present. no, i got a surprise for you.
i got my penis pierced like sir. he's like. did you like snl in 2013? remember dick in a box? oh god, yeah, but it's just like dude like you think you, your penis is a gift.
get in the basement.
basement. this person is in the basement in there. so fucking funny and clunky. i laughed so hard when i was reading this. so fucking funny.
i love it 200 years.
yeah, okay, victoria date story. hi, girlies, before i, before i start, i just want to say that this is the only podcast i ever kept up with. so thank you. well, thank you, okay, anyways. so a few years ago i went on a date with this guy i met on hinge.
we first met up at a restaurant and i never met this guy, and i swear 30 minutes in, he goes in to kiss me. ah, sir, i don't even know if i like you yet. yeah, what the ew? ew, and when he does so, he spills our drinks on the floor.
messy like the poppers on the ground. i'd be like lap it up, bitch.
dog laughing. this gentleman got so drunk at dinner and we still had plans to go skating afterwards. i wanted to leave, but i wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. so we went skating and he's falling everywhere, and i mean falling hard, and people are looking at him like he's crazy he was when he was returning the skates. i thought it was perfect time to plan my escape, but i couldn't do it.
then we get sushi and he orders sake and gets even more drunk and proceeds to tell me how doing acid changed his life and i should try it sometime. finally, we go for a walk and this man is now in space so belligerent. he tells me he has to use the bathroom because he's so drunk. he just goes inside a building and pees in a plant while he's in there. i google mapped my place to where we were.
thankfully it was only a 10 minute walk and i knew there were no more benefits of the doubt. i could give no, no shit. once i left, he was calling and texting me and so i blocked him. hopefully he got home safe, but that was probably one of the worst dates ever. oh, and he lied about his age on hinge.
he was 27, but he said he was 27 but he was 36. i was 23 at the time. sorry if this was all over the place, but that's because it was irl. thanks for listening. holy, that is a victoria tori.
can we call you that?
so many fucking things about this go, i don't know, i'm.
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