Disrespectfully - We Are Struggling | Episode 7

Can you f***ing believe? Yeah. I know.

I mean, like, no, but like, yeah.

But yeah. But it— Yeah. But yeah.

No, it yes.

But—.

But yeah.

Heads will roll. Welcome to, Disrespectfully.

With Katie Maloney.

And Dana Kathan.

Unapologetically.

We're here to do what we want to do.

Spilling the tea.

Babe, you're gonna see the power of women. Like, disrespectfully. This podcast is honestly turning into AMC. In terms of, like, we come here to laugh. To cry.

Somehow, heartbreak feels good in a place like this. Oh.

Which one of us is doing worse, would you say, or better?

What's in that cup?

This is coffee.

You say so.

Maybe a little something-something. Really? No, it's just coffee. I wish it was an alcohol.

Do we have alcohol? I have a little something-something right here.

Should we do a shot?

I'm about to, like, transcend. I'm about to, like, taste color.

Sounds. you can feel. Dazzling images on a silver screen. I can't wait for the sequel of that, too. Nicole, if you're listening, because I bet Nicole.

came and listened to this. Oh, is she doing it?

Allegedly. Oh. The sequel's never as good as the original. Also, don't change it.

I know. I know. It's so good the way it is, because they didn't even know what they had.

They didn't know what they had. Do you know my favorite Benny drama video of all time? Is him recreating that at Coachella. Have you seen it? No.

Somehow it doesn't. Somehow, having a heartbroken at Coachella would feel infinitely worse. Mm-hmm.

But in the movie theater, it feels great.

It does. It's dark. You can cry gently.

Basically your bedroom.

The only other place where heartbreak might feel good or all of the things she says is, like, on an airplane. My favorite place to cry is on an airplane.

Oh, back in the day when I used to do stand-up, I had a joke about being in the Mile High Club because I would always fuck my seatmate by choosing the most upsetting movie of all time to watch and have all the feelings I've ever had happen at 30,000 feet.

No, I had a selective movie list of movies that make me cry, that I would purposely watch just to sob on a plane.

I'll go on an airplane and watch Steel Magnolias.

Okay. Oof.

How many drinks can one podcast have? That is the question. Cheers.

Be such a mess.

Ugh, okay, I'm scared.

Mama, can you hear me?

Should we do one more? No. Okay. Chill out. Anyway, what the fuck even is this podcast today?

No, crying on an airplane feels really good. Yeah. I don't know why. Is there something scientific that happens on a plane that makes you cry?

I don't know. Is it, like, a cabin pressure thing? I don't know what it is, but every single person I know, this is a collective experience. That's what I'm saying. That's why the tie that binds.

No, I think that there is something about it. I think I actually heard something some time ago that I forgot.

Next time you have tension with someone.

I'm really helpful with information.

The next time you're having tension with someone, you should just be like, what's your airplane cry movie?

Mine, for the longest time, was Greatest Showman. But it's not on the plane anymore, so I needed a new one.

I've never seen that. What? And someone was saying it was, like, one of their favorite movies.

Oh, my god, it's so good. And it's just, without fail, tears. Okay. That Hugh Jackman.

He's a daddy.

He can stay. He can stay. And Zac Efron. The two of them together, really did it for me. When they were workshopping the music for it, and they're in a conference room singing, and it's the most powerful thing I've ever seen, that makes me cry.

Does it?

Yeah. Okay.

It's emotional? They really get into it?

Yeah, very emotional. Okay, anyways. Moving on.

How are you doing? What happened to you? What did you do last night?

I went bowling.

Without me, it's devastating. Who'd you go bowling with?

I went bowling with a couple of my friends, and then their friends. Okay. So, strangers, too. I met strangers last night.

Well, you ain't strangers anymore. You go bowling together.

I went to the sexiest bowling alley I've ever been to in my life. I walked in, I was like, what is this? There was leather couches. It smelled of rich mahogany. Everyone had, like, really cool mustaches there, and, like, you could see, like, the mechanics that were, like, moving the pins down.

Were you looking for a handlebar to ride, or what?

Ew. I was open to it, but no. No, no, no. It didn't happen.

Whereabouts in LA? is this? Like, what area?

It was in Highland Park. It was a very cool neighborhood.

Are you a good bowler?

To hell fucking. no. You're a bad bowler. In 13 frames, I bowled a 79..

You know, you tried.

Okay. Hmm.

Did you use the bumpers?

No, girl. Not at all. I got one strike. I will say that. But I threw so many gutters.

Actually, that speaks to their integrity. I am an excellent bowler. Bowling's one of my favorite things to do. You know when they talk about, like, that chick. when we were talking about, she was, like, thought she was better than the Cheesecake Factory.

Unless they're a dainty bowler.

Unless they do twinkle toes, and they're like, In which case, I'm never seeing you again.

There's always, you know, there's always that one lane that's taking it really serious, and they're, like, pissed at everyone else that they're, like, Just me.

Amateur. I'm the lane.

Okay, but no, there's, you know, there's these guys next to us. They're like, All these, everyone here is just, they don't bowl seriously. I'm like, No fucking shit.

Did they say that out loud?

Yes. I think someone threw a ball into, like, the little thing that comes down. You know, I don't know why they did it. That was weird and messed up. But they're like, Well, of course, no one here, like, actually bowls.

Probably pretty well. Oh, mine goes out, and I stay in my pose until I look at the ball because I tell it where to go.

I hate that moment where the ball is going down the lane and you don't know what to do.

Oh, that's what I do. I stay in position. Please hold. Oh. I don't know if I'm allowed to get up.

That's really pretty.

Thanks.

I, like, throw it and I kind of, like, stand there and I'm like,

It's like fight, flight, or freeze. Yeah, you just adjust.

I don't know what to do with my hands. Do I turn around and look at the people or go, Ah!

No, no. Because they're all looking. You don't want to watch them looking. I know.

You have to, like, find the right pair of pants to wear because your butt ass looks good.

As long as you're not doing twinkle toes, I think you're fine.

Can you show twinkle toes?

Oh, God. I don't have enough room in here to show twinkle toes.

Fred Flintstone.

On the other hand of that, I have, with someone that I dated that I was obsessed with, we went bowling on our first date. Do you remember this? And it was, like, it kind of looked like the scene, this is so toxic, but Maddie and Nate knew for you. when they go bowling, he's, like, picking her up. We were going to, like, second base and there were kids next to us.

Oh, this guy, yeah.

That life-ruiner.

Hoisting me around.

He was hoisting. He was hoist. Well, I'm glad you had a great time.

Yeah, but today was really rough. I, like, woke up, and first I did the panic wake-up, where I was, like, what time is it? I didn't set an alarm.

Well, you texted our group chat and you said, like.

The struggle's unbelievable.

The struggle's unbelievable. And I was, like, are you being kidnapped? Is this ransom? I was, like, what does that mean?

Living is hard today.

I'm pretty nauseous. But all I had was red wine, but I knew this was going to happen and I knew we were going to record.

I don't get, like, nauseous. It's just, like, I feel, like my head wants to pop. It's, like, floating ten feet above me like a balloon and wants to just pop. I'm, like, gobbling... Gob...

Is this what you look like as a goblin? Then you're a fucking liar.

No, no, no. No, no. But you don't know.

What don't I know? I don't know what, I don't know, Katie, so you're going to have to tell me.

This makeup is from yesterday morning. This is also goblin behavior. Putting on makeup and leaving it on for days at a time. And just, like, adding to it. Don't come to me.

Should we just stop recording right now? Should we just wrap? Should we just fucking call it a wrap?

You guys, I'll do this. I'm going to get to it.

I want more tequila, by the way.

Can I have another shot? Hold on, I got this. I got this. I got this. Okay.

And you can work up a sweat bowling sometimes.

Well, yeah. Because I bowl so hard. And then... That 79 really showed.

She takes it super serial.

I worked up more of a sweat taking those slutty-ass pictures when I got home. Okay.

Oh, you guys. Yeah, I went to post something today and I was on Katie's phone and I saw myself a cute... I'd like to know who that went to. Speaking of thirst traps, we were posting, you know, the video of our thirst trap combo and we used the song Photograph by Nickelback.

I will never tell. So I just basically, like, wiped my face, added concealer, curled my eyelashes, added more eyeliner. Like, I'm either gonna have, like, the most epic breakout of my life, like, may never... my dermis may never recover.

You can get away with that, because my skin can't handle it, but your skin can handle it.

I don't know that it can.

Due to the sound? Let's just do some tequila, ASMR.

Okay, just a splash.

Just a splash, okay.

So my dermis may never recover, but I try to lighten myself and say, like, well, my makeup that I use on my face has, like, skincare in it. Well, true,

but you have good enough skin you can get away.

Cheers to the one-size-setting spray.

What even is this episode?

Gobbling before your eyes, everybody. You wouldn't know it because I look presentable, but underneath this, it's gross. It's 24-hour-old makeup. I didn't take a shower. My hair is so greasy.

That's pretty gross. And you look like a 10, so imagine. Again, this would not be... Raleigh, does it, too. My eyelashes would be crinkled together.

Yeah, no, that's the purpose. That's the purpose.

And we both wake up refreshed. You know, I actually dunked my face in a bowl of ice water this morning. Wow. So...

I was gonna ice roll my face, but I didn't have time. I needed to sit and disassociate on the couch.

for 15 minutes. That'd be the real test for the setting spray, dunking your face in water.

Ice rolling. I'm sure... No, this is waterproof. This is, like, this... There is something that just completely...

You know what? Just leave it till we record next week and let's see. So it's supposed to be good for your... I think it's your Vega nerve. I want to say Vegas.

Vegas.

Fuck, I was gonna say Vegas, but then I was like, it's not a city. It's, like, something to do with cortisol levels. So I had been doing it, but it also helps with puffiness. And I looked busted the last, like, episode or two, because I had been out... Busted.

Busted.

Busted. Not bustin'. Not to be confused with bustin'. I looked busted. So I put the ice water...

No, I love it.

People.

I love it. Kinky.

And I was, like, just trying to rid myself of the red wine inflammation. I feel like it helped a little, but also just, you know, helped me wake up. But yeah, I knew, as I was drinking the red wine, that I shouldn't have done it, but I did. It wasn't my choice. Someone else selected a meaty cab, and I normally only drink Pinot Noir with red wine.

Tell me more. I think we really need to discuss friends with benefits and the situationships of it all, because... It's time. For you,

what is the difference between friends with benefits and situationships? Because I feel like those can be pretty intertwined.

They are, so.

No.

I don't either. I... Because the only way it works out is a lightning striking kind of situation.

I think it works for some people.

No, no, it does, but the thing is.

My clingy ass isn't one of them. No.

If you are two people that literally are so emotionally unavailable, you don't want a single thing from a single person, great. Love. But... But that's for a small, probably, smidgen of time. Eventually, one of you is gonna decide you're emotionally available, decide you have feelings, catch them, and then you're gonna have all the human responses of being jealous, needy.

Situationship? Yeah. Here's the thing. If you are making love, bumping uglies, back beasts with two backs...

Bumping pee-pees.

Okay? You're doing any of that, at some point, one of you is gonna be a person. I think, in 99.9999% of situations, I think another huge problem with friends with benefits are people, a lot of time women, who go into it lying to themselves. Because I've done that before. I've been like, oh yeah, I just...

Oh, well.

To be hotter. To be better.

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Are we calling it Friends With Benefits or just, like, a situation ship?

Well, like you said, it's the Friends With Benefit to situation ship pipeline.

Yeah, I mean, probably.

Friends With Benefits benefits, no one. So, I mean,

what are the benefits? What are the benefits? There aren't. You get your dick wet.

And you cry. Like, that's it. Yeah, you get your dick wet, you get laid.

You lose a friend.

You lose a.

You get to see your friend naked.

I'm not saying that that has never happened in the history of the world, but I just.

Wait. Yeah. I thought we were cool. I thought you were cool.

I'm not cool. What made you think that? It's like in the breakup when Jennifer Aniston's like, shout out Lil Libby, when Jennifer Aniston's like, she's like, you told me on our first date that you don't like flowers. And she's like,

every girl likes flowers. Yeah. The amount of, like, gaslighting and projecting that happens in situationships is like, it's enough to, like, really make you question your entire existence.

I don't think any orgasm is worth the avalanche of bad emotions that follow that.

That's why I think, as an alternative to friends with benefits situationships, may I offer you the one night stand?

Okay. The problem with that for me, why one night stands don't work? besides, I'm scared of everyone, is I, it's not usually good. Like, okay, the one in Vegas that one time was good, but, and I've only, I mean, I've only had a few, but, like, have you had truly mind-blowing one night stands that you're like, love. that for me?

Yes. Oh, for sure. Should we talk about the guy in Vegas?

Yes, we should.

The night, actually, the night that I be, met Nick and Nat, Nat, hold on.

Words are hard. I gotta hold on.

The night that I Nick,

Wow, we've done a lot of standing. This is a very physical podcast, so if you're not watching it, okay, yeah.

The night that I met Nick and Natalie. She did it. There was a lot of ends in that, so you gotta give it to me. Okay. The night that I met them, we were in Vegas.

What kind?

A sport.

Pickleball? No. Competitive ballet?

What if that was a thing?

Ribbon dancer?

I want to know what competitive ballet would be like.

Are you gonna tell us a sport, or is it too defining, or is it gonna give it away?

No, but I don't, like listen, I'm already, I'm already, it's, okay,

we're not gonna talk about the sport, we're gonna imagine competitive ballet.

This man was very sexy.

one thing led to another.

I didn't sleep that night. I did not sleep a wink that night, let's put it that way. and so yeah, I'm saying like,

back it up, rewind, who made the first move?

What do you mean?

Like, okay, you don't just go from speaking to a stranger to having sex with them. so like, who, like? was it something you leaned into, you kind of both mutually did?

It was like a both. It was on. You both knew the business. It was on, yeah.

Have you ever spoken to him? Have you gone to any of his dance competitions?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, he's out of competition at this point. Okay. This night was beautiful.

Would you describe it as making love?

No.

you wouldn't.

But, it was great.

Did you have your setting spray on? No,

but I'm confident that I looked great.

I am too. I forgot about those odds. I like what, honestly, we're like giving advice on this podcast. Are we giving terrible advice? I don't know, but I like what you're saying.

It's real, whatever it is. This is opinion-based advice. Yeah,

let's just be honest about the whole thing. Okay,

what I'm just saying is I think the nice alternative to a situationship, friends with benefits, is just a one-night stand with a sexy-ass person that you're like, I don't care, I don't see you again. That's not even the point. The point is tonight. You'll never see me again. Because the alternative is months of torture and torment and brain-bending and twisting yourself into fucking knots over what this person's thinking.

In the few experiences I've had, though, it's been mediocre. D except for my Vegas experience.

Because it's a one-night stand, is it ever good? Comparatively, it's mind-blowing comparatively.

Would you say, any friends with benefit? situation that you've had has always led to a situationship for you?

No. There are some people that we've been able to just bring it back to front. Like. we may have like hooked up and we're like, that probably shouldn't have happened. And we should not continue that and we need to just...

Well, you're in the point. That's the point zero, zero. I personally haven't. And I mean, my dissertation would be on situationships with people that hate me, that I wanted to love me. But that's before I knew myself and I knew my attachment style and why I was going for these unavailable, chaotic people.

I'm always baffled when people are like, so I've been in this like situationship off and on for like three years. I'm like,

WWDD. We'll get into it later. But like, yeah, a lot of people write, I'm like, I've never had a situationship last more than like three to six months, I would say.

At most. I mean, like if you find yourself in a thing where a situationship, a thing where someone is not committing, their communication is lacking, it's that you need to cut it.

Cut it. The problem too is that a lot of times the person who wants more knows. They know the answer deep down, they just don't want to look at it. Because it's scary.

I know, but like, it's like a wolf spider.

I don't want to touch you.

This is why having some self-respect is like really crucial. It's like,

are you Australian, mate? It's like any of the creatures that are there. You know? What? Like a box jellyfish.

when I've been drinking tequila. Am I here?

I don't know, girl.

My favorite way to honestly combat hangovers as a hangover cure, I mean, yeah, most people are like, I need, like greasy food. And like, while that's like, it might be nice, I think it's not always the best way. It makes me feel kind of worse in a lot of ways. Eating shitty food when you're hungover.

I love it.

To each their own, but like, I like, I'll maybe fuck with like some french fries. what? I hate that you don't like french fries. Okay.

Honestly, like, I'm, like, I have a particular opinion. I'm not going to be...

I know, but like, I question our friendship. I'm going to get burned.

at the fucking stake for this. French fries are, it's the least favorable potato form.

Do you know what pissed me off, though, about you?

Tell me.

When we were in England,

McDonald's french fries are different.

No, no, no, no, no, no. And we were eating fish and chips, and we were sharing it, and you were...

We shouldn't have shared. I was starving. Okay, and also, to be fair, I... I was like,

she doesn't even like french fries. She doesn't even like french fries. And she's eating these so quickly, I can't even keep up with her, and she's eating, like...

And that pea mint mash, ugh, delicious.

I know, but I was like.

Okay, you know me.

What the fuck is happening right now?

I am an incredibly.

I was like, slow down.

I am an incredibly ornery person when it comes to.

I know, but you ate it at a speed that I've never seen anyone.

eat anything else. And you, let that be... You weren't subtle about it. Trust me. You let me know.

What is campfire sauce?

It's basically a mayo-based cream with maybe a little barbecue. I don't know what it is. It's miraculous. I would drink it.

I like the name.

Oh, it's delicious. Okay. So those are the only ones. But yeah, so a french fry, I don't know. It's just, any other kind of potato.

Have you seen the reel that I posted about potatoes that I would date or marry?

Yeah. Well, I would be divorced with french fries.

The one with the french fries, it's like, um, you're different. every time I see you. Mm-hmm. French fries, like, I could make a meal out of them every time.

Leah's sweating. Beads of sweat. right now. She's like, we don't have a podcast.

No, we do. Do we? We have a show.

We have a shit show?

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thud.

People always think, because of my dry red eyes, that I am high all the time. I'm not. I cannot smoke weed. I've tried it in every form. I've eaten every edible.

Like I said, my favorite way to consume it is by, like, edibles or drinking it. Well, this is a new one. This one, uh, I won't, it's not an ad, whatever, it's called Brez.

Can they sponsor us?

Brez? Brez, sponsor us. There's 2.5 milligrams of THC and 5 milligrams of CBD, and, and it's lion's mane. So it's not like, it's not like psychedelic,

uh,

mushrooms. It's like lion's mane.

The last time I consumed cannabis, Courtney, her partner, is, works for a, uh, cannabis distributor in Oregon and when I had to drive to Seattle during the pandemic for my niece to be born, which was a fucking nightmare in and of itself, I stopped in Portland, where they live, and I was having trouble sleeping at the time. so he gave me these gummies and he cut them in half for me, so they were 2.5.. Okay? That's nothing. And I ate one and I remember waking up and I was stoned and like not feeling well and rolling around.

The edibles can, like, really turn on you, but now that they're like so dosed out in a very like.

No, it's like you go and it looks like a crate and barrel. these stores that are No,

before someone's like here's a cookie and you're like am I gonna die? And they're like I would. they're like start off small. you're like what is small? Half?

Oh, yeah. It tastes like like weed on syrup. You could taste it. You knew.

Because the butter would just. it would not taste like a cookie. it would just taste like you were just eating weed.

Oh, in your 20s you didn't know what you were consuming?

I remember eating a cookie. I ate half of it. Half. Thinking like that's small. That's small.

How high were you for how many days?

I sat on my floor and I put my head on my knees.

as one does

and I got stuck.

Kind of like right now? Should we do some breath work? Should we get on the floor and do some child's pose?

No, but you know it feels good.

Oh, yeah. Yeah?

My head felt a hundred pounds. I couldn't lift it.

I feel like you know this story and I have to protect the innocent because.

That's how I feel about it.

I'll tell you.

I feel about the person that I sat in my bed with.

You sound like you just sucked a helium balloon down. This story is about his mom. Have you heard this? Oh yeah.

Okay,

so to protect the innocent. I'm not going to say who this happened to.

A hundred milligrams.

No, it was three hundred. I thought it was a hundred. Nope.

Oh, it was three hundred.

It was three hundred. Okay, so there is.

That is a lot.

There is a.

Oh, ten milligrams?

Two and a half. I almost died. Please hold.

Twenty? I will be in outer space.

Please hold. Hi, we're recording and I'm talking to you. We're talking about weed. Is it okay if I tell your mom's story, if I don't say your name or that it's your mom? Yeah.

Obsessed. We love you. Love you.

Call you after. Bye. We have a friend's mom that had been out of town and she had been staying there and for some reason she had a weed granola bar that was three hundred milligrams, which that is a psychotic amount for an edible.

Why in one whole snack? I don't know. Is it three hundred milligrams?

Unnecessary. So she got home and she was very hungry. so she went to the fridge, the mom and she ate the granola bar, the whole thing, and it obviously was stale and tasted like ass. so we all wonder to this day like why she did that? So our friend goes to the fridge not long after and realizes the granola bar is gone and she starts asking around to her parents.

one, one.

Ambulance came, had to take her to the hospital. She was in the hospital for two days, stoned out of her fucking mind, seeing spots on the ceiling, whatever. So anyone who says that weed isn't harmless, just don't eat 300 milligrams.

I mean, yeah, it's not harmless. Again, moderation. My people like do not with any kind of drug, psychedelic, any, like anything. Everyone in like the 70s and 60s when they're doing this stuff got it wrong. Like you weren't, you're not supposed to swim in the cosmos.

Which is why we were so fucking stupid in our 20s. because we were all just like yeah, bro, let's do it. And it's like now, it's like no, no,

tiny, tiny amounts. But even back in the day I remember someone that I know.

I'm going to ask her about it next time I see her. The first time I ever.

smoked weed it had. it was laced with some like psycho shit. I'd be like oh.

The first time I smoked weed was with my ex-boyfriend, the drug dealer, and it was out of a Coca-Cola can. Nice. And he poked the holes in it and I went insane. but it's because I think, just because weed wasn't my drug, like we were totally sober. besides that, also so pathetic, we were broken up at the time and I wanted him to love me.

Several doses or several hits is like normal, right?

I know, but I was a baby that doesn't like weed.

Smoking out of a can, smoking out of an apple like we, should be dead. Yeah.

Yeah. Fuck the hot dogs we've consumed. This is.

this is what gets us. No, the the amount of weed I've smoked off of an aluminum can. if I die some dumb way, I'm gonna be pissed. I'm gonna be pissed.

Tell me who your dream blunt rotation is.

I want a rotation of well, Rihanna, because, like hello. Hello? You go first. I wanna hear what you have to say.

I don't smoke but dream. blunt rotation is just a thing. I saw someone on TikTok say their nightmare blunt rotation were all these like Swifties at the Grammys that recorded themselves reacting to her thing and like having a conniption. Mine would basically Beyonce five times just all around the circle, but if I have to, mine would be Rihanna, Beyonce, Jeff Goldblum, who we should have had in the daddy list. I'm mad, we didn't?

Did you see Jeff Jeff Goldblum at the Super Bowl when they showed him on the? he was so cute. Okay, let's continue.

Daddy, Sarah Paulson.

Nice.

Deeply obsessed with her. she's so funny and cool and her relationship is.

Yeah, I love it.

And Paris Hilton.

Okay, I've given this a lot of thought. Okay, I just, That's a good one.

Thank you for saying that. I thought I would get trolled over that, but we don't care about anyone else's opinion. butter on. No. So I just finished.

That's hot. That's hot.

So I think that'd be mine.

Okay, that's a big. that's a big rotation.

you can sit in mine if you want.

I will. Can I smoke weed with Obama?

I know I was going to say that too, but I know he's admitted to smoking weed. so

yeah, that's Michael Bublé, because, like the man, Michael Bublé.

what the fuck.

Did you watch him? What the fuck are you?

talking about?

He likes.

Do you want him to sing Christmas songs?

No, but he looks like he's fun.

Wait, he was on a hockey.

and he was on Mushrooms. Mushrooms Loved that film? No, but he just. he's funny as fuck.

Michael Bublé is the last person on planet earth. I thought you'd say so. that's actually a very good one.

No, but the man has balls. he did a press conference and Will Arnett's like Dude.

Yeah, he was shrooming his dick off and basically was like

Yeah, so you don't. you're saying you wouldn't sit in a blunt rotation with him?

Yeah, no, I would. Okay exactly. Just never would've. So stop Out of all the people in the cosmos. that's just not who I would've plucked.

but I love it. I'm just. I'm just. I'm throwing it out there. he's fresh on my brain.

Okay,

Anthony Bourdain.

He is actually above LD, above it's like.