Don't Buy Crap You Can't Afford!

building a None no, building a non-anxious life number one, bestseller again Twice over. so we're answering your questions today about your life, your money, your relationships. the phone numbers triple, eight, eight, two, five, five, two, two, five. Alicia is with us to start this hour in Lansing, Michigan. Hi, Alicia.

How are you? Hi Dave?

So a little bit of background on that. the reason I don't know the exact numbers is it was actually my abusive ex that opened up the card in my name, and I never used the card myself and.

I had to run away from that relationship with my kids and I forgot about the card and I'm sorry.

2019. okay. How old are you? I am 29.. What do you make?

And you have an actual summons to go to court, an actual. the sheriff brought it to your door.

Okay, so, to start with, your absolute worst-case scenario is you do nothing or go over to the hearing if you want to, You're going to lose At the hearing. okay, okay, there's no no defense for this, other than one idea. I've got in a minute, but if you just went to the hearing and just sat there, You're going to kind of giggle when you leave. Have you ever gotten a ticket? and they say go to traffic court to get the ticket torn up?

Um, I think so. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's kind of a funny thing. It's almost like Judge Judy, but without the personality.

Okay, you know, it's like. it's kind of automatic. It's boring, It's not. there's no drama. there's no TV cameras or lights.

This is not OJ Simpson on trial. It's a traffic ticket, for God's sakes. Okay, so what happens? is this attorney that's representing JP Morgan is he runs a factory, a Large factory. you are one of ten thousand widgets on the conveyor belt.

This is boring. It's not like he personally is angry with you or even knows you freaking exist. He wheels a two-wheeler into the court, or the equivalent of that, with a computer download of a bunch of files. No one shows up and the judge rules and gives every one of them a judgment Instantly, it's really boring. Okay, because it's really an open-shut case.

you owe money. You didn't pay it, you lose. Okay, now they have a judgment lien against you, which means they could try to attach your property if you own any or Your bank account, or if you had a job. they would what you don't that a traditional job. They could go after and garnish your wages.

Okay, so, to start, my point is don't panic about January 10th. Okay. Okay. It's kind of a yawn. Now we do have to deal with this mess, because it's gonna keep poking you in In the side of the head until you deal with it.

All right now, how are we gonna deal with it? Well, we're gonna deal with it one of two ways. one is I don't know if it'll work because you you've waited around too long to deal with it, But basically you are the victim of identity theft.

Even Though your husband at the time a husband does not have a right to sign his wife's signature By marriage. that doesn't give you that right? Okay, I, if I sign Sharon's signature, that's fraud.

Right. if I have a power of attorney from her to do that, that's different. but he didn't. so this is just like a Criminal on the street signed your name up and got a $8,000 credit card. You don't owe the money Because you're a victim of identity theft.

now I don't know if you're gonna pull that off because you waited around. if you had reported it After you left the abusive situation and gone ahead and gotten a police report at the time. It might have worked Right. So here's what I would do. I call the attorney on the summons and say I'm in the process of filing a police report.

I was in an abusive relationship and I've just discovered that I am the victim of identity theft. I did not sign this card and I am NOT liable for it. I'm putting you on notice of that. I'll be in touch with you and send you the police report, because you'll have to file a police report and sign an affidavit that says you did not sign for the card. a Criminal did.

someone stole your identity? Oh, by the way, his name is and his address is, and they will do nothing about it. So never fear. Okay, but that's that's what happened. Okay.

It's as if a stranger signs your name to a card, you follow me Since you did not sign it now. the fact that you've tinkered around with it For three years and not done this earlier is going to work against you in proving the fact that you're a victim of identity theft, But hopefully you can get it pushed through. All right, if that's the case, you owe nothing Technically, legally, morally, you owe nothing practically. I don't know if you're going to get through that or not. The second thing is, if you can't get through that, offer them 2,000 bucks to settle it settled in full, But that's after you fight with them for a while.

Hold on. I'm gonna have Austin pick up. we're gonna put you in touch with the Xander insurance identity theft people and see if they'll take your case and Help you run this down and get this identity theft removed as a favor to us. Obviously, if you were one of their clients, they would take care of you, but we're gonna ask them to do it for us. Hold on.

So Here's a quick math refresher. There are only 24 hours in a day, So your business needs to streamline tasks that are time suckers and focus on activities that make money. So, to reduce headaches as they scale smart businesses, use NetSuite by Oracle, the number one cloud Financial system. NetSuite helps you improve efficiency by bringing all your major business processes into one platform. so join the more than 37,000 smart businesses like Ramsey solutions that have done the math and Graduated to NetSuite, and right now you can download NetSuite's KPI checklist Absolutely free at NetSuite comm slash Ramsey.

That's a NetSuite comm slash Ramsey.

Dr. Chandalone Joins me this hour. He's my co-host. Although I didn't let him say a word. last segment.

It's probably better for America.

when the credit card company sends you a letter It looks like it's from a law office and says you're being sued versus actually being sued. One of those feels like a scam, like a strong, strong arm technique. The other is an actual legal proceeding.

Okay.

It's fun, so The collections industry functions on one thing. The only effective tool they have is fear. Their job is to activate fear and Anything they can do in the whole process to activate fear. It is the best chance they have of getting the bill paid. It's not loving-kindness.

It's not working through the logic of your budget, It's not hearing the story about your mom who has cancer. They don't care. It's all about fear. and so, Cutting you off in mid sentence, One company even uses people from a different region to call. For instance, they might have Northerners with a New York accent.

call southerners because it's abrasive to a southerner, or vice versa because it's abrasive. and So they'll do anything. They can't. they'll pull up a zip code on it and, you know, pull a different person in. They even give them names.

I had one calling me, calling me. Her name was mrs. Baskerville, as in the hounds of. Another. one called me.

Her name was mrs. Savage. Well done. So. and I told her I said that's the greatest name ever.

She's like, that's my real name. I said, no, it's not, but that's great. I gotta hand it to you, because once I kind of got out behind the scenes and started studying the collections business. I understood what they were doing. It is a massive game there.

You know It's a person that can't get a good job, Sitting in a cubicle with a headset, all day long, yelling at people screaming at them, trying to get them to do stuff. So they threatened to file suit. they say we're about to file suit tomorrow. We have filed suit. They sent emails that say that all of that is a lie.

That's why I was asking her so many questions. I wanted to see if she'd actually gotten served and actually had a date at a hearing, which she did. she has been sued. Okay, but nine out of ten times people call this show. They've not been sued.

They've been promised. They've been sued. They told they were getting sued. I'm suing you today. all of that?

No lawsuit, none whatsoever, because a lot of that debt isn't even collectible. It's outside the statute of limitations or or some other reason they can't get at the debt. So they're just yelling, screaming, Making a big, loud noise to try to get the little child inside of us to be fearful and send them a check. Even people will pay bills. They don't owe.

sometimes, like they'll call a Mother an elderly mother of someone and intimidate her, yell at her that her son's going to jail If she doesn't pay you and she'll pay the bill. I've had a night. I've had a call. It is a nasty business that is outside of the law at most of the time. Federal Fair Debt Collection Practices Act prohibits almost all of the activities they do on a daily basis.

It is an out-of-control Nasty industry. there is a small percentage of the collections business. That is a local hometown collection agency that's collecting for the local hometown pest control or doctor, and They are usually pretty good people, but they're like 2% of the people in the business. The rest of them are just scum, All right. So their job is to yell and scream at you, flap their arms and act like that.

The. you know, we're coming to take you away. Haha, you know. and all this, and so that's what you've got to do Is get the other side of the fear and just go. really, this is I'm one case in 10,000.

This guy's dealing at this that day. There's probably five to ten thousand cases going through there. There's also.

Hundred-percent of the time. it's gonna come out of the closet and visit you at the exact wrong moment, right? Five years from now, two years from now, just after you got married to that sweet little thing and you're getting ready to buy a house. Oh, crap. back when I was in college, drunk all the time.

I never dealt with this car wreck and I still owe $1,400 to freakin State Farm and they finally find me, now that I'm acting like a legitimate citizen, a Hundred-percent of the time. you don't deal with this crap. It has a high rate of resurrection. It will come back to life in the zombie form and at the worst possible time, and it's harder to deal with then. So when you have a problem, deal with it right, then, right?

Because it's a lot harder for her to clear this up four years later. Right, if she dealt with it after she moves out from a bit abusive Criminal theft, identity theft boy, if she'd have turned him in instantly, filed a police report then and been very proactive. But that's hard to do for someone. It's super hard in an abusive situation. I get that.

Yeah, she's not feeling really confident and cocky, right? She's not, That's real. Oh, that's really still, if you can find any kind of something down inside of you to bust into but and deal with It. at the moment, right then, but when you wait two years, It's hard for the judge to look at you and have sympathy or when you wait three years.

You pay $8,000, Yeah, and does that suck all the way around? Absolutely everything there suck. He does whole thing does. yeah, so, but the deal is Don't let these people intimidate you. they're an idiot in a cubicle 500 miles away.

They couldn't get a good job.

Okay, Cleaning septic tanks is much more honorable. At least you're doing humanity some good. Hey, those guys that clean my septic tank and you don't, and you don't have to lie to do your job. Okay, and so they don't let these people set the tone. you set the tone, just laugh about it and go.

Oh, you're cute. You're just so cute. and listen, if you don't calm down a little bit, I'm gonna just let you talk to mr. Dalton. You're gonna hear a little click and this whole thing's gonna go away.

little click. You ready, little click. Here we go. Okay, and I just start messing with a man. I got I reached the point that I'd studied them so much that it was like a fun game.

it's like the guy calls up to sell you. the The Andy Enders did this the other day. guy called him up to sell him one of the auto. What do you call the? Extended warranty on a car.

He didn't know, right, and he's. he acted like he was 85 years on. Yeah, I got me what. I don't even have that car, but you sound like a nice young man. Could I sign up for this?

Anyway, you know, he messes with him. He just had a good time. It's a great YouTube video. You ought to pull it up. But yeah, you got to do it.

You got to have a way of looking at that's where they don't own you Emotionally, it's your only shot at getting your arms around this and winning, and that's what we're here to do is to help you Do that, not to not pay your bill. The idea is, if you owe the bill, we're gonna help you pay it, too, But we also don't want them to be in control of your life.

better Help is a hundred percent online therapy staffed with licensed therapists. It's convenient, flexible and suited to fit your schedule. And, by the way, therapy isn't just for those who've experienced major trauma. It's for all of us who are ready to get out of the comparison spin cycle and find our own peace and joy in the life We're creating. stop comparing and start focusing with better help.

visit better help, Deloney today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help, help.com Deloney.

How can we help?

And we're trying to decide if that is the right thing to do, Because I still have student loan payment.

Or not payment.

So far we've saved about a little over 15,000. and what's your household income? Um, together we make about 86,000. good, good, what do y'all do for a living? No, I'm a high school teacher and my husband is an admissions counselor at a local university.

All right. Well, what we have discovered in 30 years of helping people become wealthy is the shortest distance between where you are and wealthy, which home ownership is a Good step in the direction of becoming wealthy. The shortest distance is to be debt-free. Have an emergency fund of three to six months of expenses, buy a home, then start getting your Retirement plans going and then get the home paid off, and that's like a five or a ten-year plan I just laid out right there. Okay, What we have found is that when people buy a home with $40,000 in student loan debt, that It activates every negative thing that can happen in your life.

because Sally Mae is living in the spare bedroom, student loan has its own bedroom and The heat and air unit goes out, the roof leaks and the hot water heater goes out And you have no money.

So what we've taught people to do, and it's very unpopular with people who have house fever, Because buying a house is a good thing, but buying a house when you're a broke person is not a good thing. That's why they call them brokers. so you need to get a house, but you need to get one after you get rid of your student loan. debt is what we would tell you, and That's so that the house is a blessing to you and not a curse.

Not what I wanted to hear I.

And I went stone-mad because the math never worked.

Don't do that. If you don't want to live in a one-bedroom, fine, go rent a two-bedroom whoop-dee-doop-dee I.

Well, you can't afford it yet, or you can't afford a house. You got to start renting. you have to make some hard choices. pay that debt off, man.

Hey, what's up?

You want. you know how I did that so fast, is I just reverse engineer everything they call it sunk cost analysis? I say if what do you own your home today? We owe a hundred and eighty four thousand. if you owed a hundred thousand dollars on your home today and didn't own stock, Would you go refinance your home and borrow an extra eighty thousand to buy stock?

No, no, well, it's the same thing. We're just doing it backward.

Would I go buy it? No, Well, then sell the boat. Okay, you know. or yes. I love the boat, then keep the boat.

That's okay, but that you just do a reverse analysis of where you are today and Pretend, there's that many, Benjamin, sitting in the middle of your kitchen table and go what I buy stock or what I pay off my.

Then I'm kind of stuck man. Hey, I will say this when you, when you start cashing out stock at your company, His co-workers will look at him weird, or the people ask him hard questions. They just don't get a vote.

This is like, you know. in the old days people didn't talk about their money. Yeah, they do. now. I know I talk about everything now.

Yeah, I know, I mean a Certain generation grew up there. They didn't think their parents had sex or money. turns out, they'd had both head bow, Because I never talked about it, right, just a little bits of each day. Just a little bit, the bare minimum.

Stevens in Dallas, Texas. Hey Steven. How are you?

my girlfriend who I'm engaging in the next month is Going through doctorate of chiropractic school here in August And I just need to know the best way to kind of save up, slash, you know.

Okay, I mean it doesn't make any sense. it's not worth $200,000.

It didn't work out. Our whole show is made up of people who got engaged and then started taking care of something for their their new husband or wife, And then it goes sideways, And so I would hold off on making up a plan to pay off her student loans until you are married.

There is no math that says that's smart. None. Nowhere. I mean you can get an MD for 200 grand. God sakes you next actually ROI that This is the Ramsey show.

I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that people have started buying life insurance to protect their families at levels not seen since the 1980s. The bad news is many of them are still buying crappy cash value type plans. I don't care what you call them whole life, universal, variable, adjustable, flexible. They're nothing but a waste of your money.

Don't be confused and let someone sell you a plan that sounds better than it really is. Look, term life is the only way to Go. rates are back to all-time lows and the process to apply is easier than ever, with many companies No longer requiring exams. You need to protect your family and use your money for as much smarter things than investing in a ripoff cash value insurance policy. Go to Zander comm or call 800-356-4282 and just compare pricing.

You'll see why these are the only plans I recommend. take care of your family and do it in a smarter way.

Our question of the day is brought to you by neighborly, your hub for home services. The holidays are over, but your house may not look like it.

This is a question for Dave and Deloney. I recently paid off a hundred thousand bucks in student loans during the last three years. way to go. I'm proud of myself for the personal discipline and fulfillment. for fun for my financial commitments towards repaying the loans.

good, I used my education to have a successful professional career and want to encourage others at the same as possible and worth it for him. I feel a great sense of relief, but I'm afraid to tell my family, My mother feels entitled to be quote-unquote, paid back for being a parent and has actually stolen thousands of dollars for me in the past. I genuinely feel sad that I'll never hear that She's proud of me and wishes the best for my future with without her hand out expectantly. Is it wrong for me to lie about my accomplishments and pretend to be broke in order to financially and emotionally protect myself? Also, would you mind sharing what you might say as a parent, since I'll never hear it from my own?

Wow, hmm,

I'm gonna answer this in a couple different ways, Dave hop in.

I don't think lying is ever a good idea. I also think there's a middle ground between.

Entering into conversations parading around. Here's the deal. I don't want you to bring down your sense of dignity and your sense of character and your sense of respectability By choosing to lie. Take the low road at the same time. No, This mother who's stolen from you, who is actively looking to steal from you again, who expects to be refunded for her parenting.

She has no claim on your life, right? None, none. And so I don't think you talk about it. How's work works? good, Um, where?

why are you driving that car? Well, that's, that's because I wanted to. that's the car I was able to buy. Well, where's my car? Well, I, I pay for that money, cash.

So that was my car budget, and.

It's not, it's not. she no longer should have power over you, yeah, and so it's just because all you have to do just say no, Just you know, mom. I love you. I'm not gonna do that, I'm a. If you're gonna keep talking like that, we're gonna opt out of this conversation and I'm gonna have to walk away.

I'm walking away now. It's all you can do. You just have to set a boundary, but you don't have to lie and You don't have to let her have power over you. But it's also, it's also smart and wise on your part what you have done to recognize This is not a person who is going to celebrate with you your incredible accomplishment, For which any parent should be very proud, but your mom's messed up. I'm sorry.

It's sad when your mom's messed up, but sometimes moms are messed up, and so yours is I almost.

Write my mom three different letters that I'm never gonna send her. I'd write her a letter And this one's gonna be hard to tell her how grateful you are for what she gave you, and she may have given you Some really thick skin. She may have given you a bunch of hurdles that you had to figure out a way over, But there is some good that is in your life because of this interaction, this relationship. I want you read a second letter that says it starts with dear mom, You should have done a better job, You should have loved me and I want you to mine your soul for that stuff. it's heavy and it's hard.

the third letter was Is, should be one of freedom and relief and a little bit of grief is here's who you're gonna miss. here's what you're gonna miss, and You begin to teach your body that it wasn't okay that, like Dave just said, she had power over me, and I'm letting that power Go. here's what you're gonna miss, And I'm not going to diminish myself and I'm not gonna be a person of lesser character to try to avoid you anymore. as Dave Said, you don't get a vote anymore. Yeah.

and You know, one of the things I did, Taylor also, is years ago. Gosh, it's 20 plus years ago now, and I attribute it as one of about five things that caused This organization to be inordinately successful. Was I got? The first group? I called them a group of Eagles, because Eagles don't flock, You have to pull them together.

and I got a group of men that were strong, spiritually strong in their marriages. they were Successful, very successful in business or in their chosen career to have more pastors of huge churches. One of them was a multi-time best-selling, best-selling author and so on in the room, and we met every Wednesday morning for a Bible studies what we first started calling it. then we started just reading books, and that went on for 14 years, and I'm telling you all that, to say, one of the rules in that room was that's a group of guys that were high achievers and We wanted to be a safe place to brag. You've got to be able to tell the good stuff, because there's not everybody.

you can't brag in front of. that's right, because it's bragging. But you need to be able to come in and go Just freaking, won the Super Bowl by God. Yes, You know, and you got to have somebody that loves you enough in the room that's gonna own that with you, that you respect their opinion, that you can share that with, Especially since your mom's not one of them. They didn't.

they don't feel threatened by it. Yeah, they're not threatened. They're there to celebrate with you, and that's one of our rules, and it's it We want you to. we want you to come in here and brag when something really good is going on, Or when you do something really good for your spouse. Once you come here, brag about it.

and that really lasted. and I've got another group of guys I run with today, and that's one of the rules in that group, too. And so when something good happens or something super bad happens, you can bring it in too. But um, yeah, Taylor, you need to have some guys around that can Celebrate with you, because your mom's not ever gonna be able to do that. She doesn't have the capacity.

She's too broken and she should have, but she does that. you should have a mama, celebrate you and you don't everybody should and do. By the way, our lady. I don't know what kind of Taylor it is man, woman. It could be either one, Taylor.

you paid off a hundred thousand dollars. You have a successful.

Professional career. We're proud of you. We think you're amazing. big time way to go. big time way to go.

Do the Snoopy dance man, nose up ears out. dance. Here we go. Have it, baby, Enjoy the ride, do it and don't let her steal that. and you don't have to go into someone's presence and cow Meaning.

they have power over you and you have to bow down by lying or by Enabling or participating in their dysfunction. You just have to smile and kind of shake your head and go gosh, that's awful sad. It's awful sad. That's just really sad. Mom.

I can't do that. That's sad. No, not doing that. Sorry. I.

David took me a long time. Let's go. This is a reason we're going on with. this is because it's almost everybody else.

We have a generation I heard this recently, Dave someone saying I'm talking about kids, and It was really a brilliant response. It was a an older psychologist who was pretty frustrated. He said I don't want to hear it again that the kids of this generation have changed. Kids are kids. It's the parents of these kids that have changed.

So the kids are still doing the same exact stupid stuff. The kids have always done. College, college football players are doing exact same stupid stuff, but the parents are nuttier and fruitcakes, man, That's what I used to. the parents are somewhat of an anchor. But so they're.

they've lost it. bad gum minds. That's right. Find somebody you can tell the positive stuff to please. Yeah.

Yeah, share it. share it with them and don't don't with her. But don't lie. She doesn't have power over you anymore. This is the Ramsey show.

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey solutions, it's the Ramsey show. we help people build wealth, Do work that they love and create actual, amazing relationships. Dr John Deloney Ramsey personality, is my co-host today. He's the host of the dr. John Deloney show on podcast.

You ought to check it out. It's unbelievably popular. talks about mental health issues and relationship issues there and all kinds of other fun things. It's very entertaining. You ought to be sure you're there.

He's here to help you today, And so am I. the phone number is triple eight, eight, two, five, five, two, two, five. Jordan is with us in Springfield, Illinois. Hi Jordan. How are you?

Good. How are you, Dave, better than I deserve? What's up?

We bring home around eight thousand dollars a month. I Discovered you September last year. I sold my truck. that was paid off for 32,000, paid off my student loans and our rings. so that leaves us with about forty five thousand dollars left in student loans and The two hundred thousand on our mortgage.

good for you. You're heading on the right way. That's awesome, man. Welcome to the gang, Thank you. I'm excited to be in this journey, but I have a little bit of a problem.

in October of last year, my parents announced they were getting a divorce and My father told me I'm now responsible for the 60,000 parent plus loan.

There have been maybe two payments on it in six years. I've tried to have conversations with him about it. It always gets real hostile. He gets defensive. He defers the blame to my mom, stating that he never had anything to do with the loans in the first place, And then my mother handled everything with the loan.

I know I'm not alone, But every time I bring it up, he's always like you're the one that went to school, so I I do feel a little accountable.

back then that you made a contract with your dad and mom verbally to promise to pay this.

Okay. All right, then it's on your dad.

Yeah, that's a good, good way to put it. that's not your game to play, that's not your mess.

Let's Pretend it wasn't alone. Let's just say she took money out of their joint checking account and just paid for part of your school.

Would you have to pay that back if you didn't have any knowledge that you were supposed to pay that back? No, It's the same thing.

I don't have the money to pay $60,000.. I know I made an agreement with you. I Can we read like. he won't do that? He makes you feel stupid and small because of a decision him and his wife made when you were 18 years old.

but if you want to, if you want to run away on $60,000, Then we now know the value of your relationship with your son, sir. Okay, you think we know. we now know the price tag. It's 60 grand.

I'm walking away.

I'm good. I can't engage in that. I'm walking away. You know, have a good day. Yeah, have a good day.

Don't Engage on. wick is a movie. It's not reality. run bullets, hurt, run, get away. That's the first goal and stood us instead, you know, John Wayne, John wick, whoever we're not, we don't need to be John.

Yeah, so we got guys like Jordan to take care of this, right? So, and that's you know, that's kind of what John's.

The only thing you can do is just pull back, pull back, give him room while he's in this wounded state. he's a wounded animal right now, and Let's give him room. Let's give him room and someday he'll come around or he won't. That'll be on him, though. It won't be on you.

I'm sorry. You're facing this. It's a hard thing, but you don't know the money, sir, and your wife is right. This is the Ramsey show.

Dr. John Deloney Ramsey personality, is my co-host today, January the 11th. you and 200,000 of your closest friends can join us. so far, 227,000 people have signed up for the free live stream. break the cycle.

Dr. John Deloney, Jade Warshaw, Dave Ramsey.

Rachel Cruz, George Camel, we're going to help you break the cycle. Did you know that stupid has a gravitational pull?

It requires an effort to break an orbit. when you're in orbiting, stupid, You know it takes energy to bust an orbit, to bust out of an orbit and break free of the gravitational pull of Something. and that's what break the cycle is all about. We're gonna help you do that. It's time You can't blame the family curse anymore.

You can't blame what people are like me, people in my neighborhood. No, it's you. We're gonna help you do it. We're gonna help you face the person in your mirror and go be the person you've always dreamed You should be and could be. we're gonna walk you into that Handheld high.

here we go, January the 11th. go to Ramsey solutions, comm and sign up for break the cycle. It's completely free and We're gonna be going a couple hours there. so settle in, get some popcorn, get some pizza, get ready. we're gonna do this and It's gonna be an incredible podcast.

They are our live stream. I'm, you know, we've been reviewing all the material and putting it all together for this getting ready for about 90 days, and It's gonna be the largest live stream we've ever done. It appears like we're probably gonna have three to five hundred thousand folks watching this that night, And so come and join us. We'd love to have you. it is completely free.

There is no obligation. Oh, and we're gonna give away ten thousand dollars. Ten of you will get a thousand dollars of the of the people viewing, Not the people who sign up, the people that are watching that night Live. we're going to give out. we're gonna show you how to do it that night, And ten different people are gonna get a thousand bucks.

So, Ramsey, solutions comm, Click, break the cycle. Logan's in Lexington, Kentucky. Hi Logan. How are you? Good day.

How are you better than I deserve? What's up?

April 22 my wife and I got married. Before we got married. I had about $30,000 in my bank account. She had $5,000 student loan and $17,000 car note. pretty much as soon as we got married paid that off, got that out.

I like to care of. We then rented an apartment for a year and Decided if you're gonna stay there until we had enough money to put a good down payment on a house. Unfortunately, after that year We had an opportunity Present itself to buy a home from a family friend at a pretty well discounted price, Well below what the home value was. We knew that it was too much house for us as a 4200 square feet house. $315,000 is what we paid for it First time home buyer.

so we didn't have any money to put down 0% down, but we got six point, two, five percent interest rate. We knew it was gonna be a lot, but we tried anyway, we live there up until November of this past year, Barely making it living, paycheck to paycheck.

Struggling. our marriage was struggling. We just decided we can't do this anymore. if we want this to work and we do So we end up putting the house up for sale, Sold the house in seven days for four hundred and fifteen thousand. So a hundred thousand dollars more than we gave for in March.

After realtor fees, etc, etc. We Walked away with seventy seven thousand dollars within the time that we lived in the home. We accumulated $10,000 with a credit card bit updating. the home was built 2002, So it was very outdated and to try to get that Home value up even more, to sell it, we put $10,000 on a credit card, the You know, furniture for us and then fencing and new flooring, etc, etc. today I have right at $50,000 in the bank $22,000 of that 77..

I bought my wife a car. We just found out in Christmas that on Christmas Day that she's pregnant and did her first baby. I'm on 26.. She's 25. I have a car note for thirty seven thousand dollars, what I owe on it.

So now we have three vehicles to her paid off. one truck that I have is not paid off. thirty seven thousand five hundred, What I want.

So you probably have a seventy thousand dollar gain at thirty five percent. probably got a twenty thousand our tax bill. You need to sit down with the tax person and figure out what that is, but it's probably right around there And you have cars you can't afford and you went and bought another one. Right, go, sell both of them.

they had a house here. They didn't want to fail. So we're living here rent-free.

You just bought her.

did you use the $50,000 cash to do that or did you go get a loan on that?

I'm caught up with you now. Yeah, but dude, you got to quit buying crap. You don't go buy a $22,000 car when you walk out of this disaster. You just came from.

Have you got some money?

Let's go get up. Yeah, it's like thank God, It's Friday. Oh god. It's Monday. Yeah, we're in this rent-free house.

Well, you know, it's got a gap new floors and a new roof and a new. this let's put on the credit card. We'll spit off later. We don't even have a house payment.

I want you to win, dude. This is the Ramsey show.

Dr. John Deloney Ramsey personality is my co-host today. Hey guys, just a couple weeks ago We hit number one on Apple podcast of all podcasts in the entire world. That's pretty cool. We've been hovering up around 10, 11, 12, We've been up at 7 a couple times 5, never number 1 and we hit number 1..

I don't know where we are today. It changes, I think, daily or hourly or whatever, but we did make that milestone and we want to say Thank you to you guys, because it's you that did it. We appreciate you and I will ask you to continue doing. what caused that? what caused that was more and more of you are sharing The show.

you're taking a link to the show or clicking the share button. You're subscribing. You're following whatever the format is, whether it's YouTube or local talk radio station. You're telling people about whatever it is. You're letting people know.

you're leaving five-star reviews. You're sharing. Thank you for doing that and please keep doing it. It is the biggest thing you can do to say Thank you to us and help us. if you like what you're hearing, share it, tell somebody about it.

If you like what you're hearing, leave a five-star review. Thank you. If you don't go somewhere else. It's okay. We understand There's not everything, not everything.

We're not for everybody, but we are for folks that want to change their lives, want to learn something and That want some people to tell them the truth. that love them, and we're those people we care about you. We want you to win, and that's cheesy, but it's also real, and I thank you for hanging out with us. We appreciate the subscriptions. We appreciate the follows, We appreciate the nice reviews and we appreciate the sharing.

Nick is in Lima, Ohio. Hi, Nick. How are you?

Hey, Dave and John, how are you guys doing better than we deserve? What's up, man?

So right now she is a dental hygienist, is making about $40,000 a year. I'm a CPA. I make about 75,000 a year.

Right now we have $70,000 in student loan debt, and that's on my degree.

And pretty much the problem we're running into is, You know, we're projecting. it's probably going to take about two years probably to still pay off the rest of my debt and then another half year to save up the the.

Fund whatever, and then it's gonna probably be Oh, Probably about two and a half years worth of savings. projected Cost of the dental school in order to actually cash flow the whole thing with just my salary.

But math doesn't care about your timeline, what, what? why does she want to be a dentist?

but as she's worked in the actual Field, she feels like being a dentist would be a good thing for her.

we want a cash flow, but she doesn't want to be a dentist all the way till she's 35. She wants to get it sooner. I want to do this. I don't do that. Y'all got to make some sacrifices somewhere.

They're gonna be really hard. You're probably gonna have to get another job as a CPA, only making 75. You're gonna need to double your income somewhere, And that might mean you got to do corporate tax.

I'm not saying because she's female, She can't be a dentist because she's a mom. she can be. that she can be. I just want to make sure, Really $400,000 worth of sure that she's gonna play all the way through and work the rest of her life as a dentist. Because that's that's what this is for.

you're gonna go, she's gonna work 25 years as a dentist when she comes out till she's 60, and Every day going to work as a dentist, Every day, that's her job. And then this, this ROI's. But otherwise the 400 K is absolutely ludicrous. To spend that and then not work, you know, 20 years plus in the field is.

you got to be sure, and It's a major commitment. In other words, so In the process of you all getting out of debt and building up the first 200, We're gonna ask that question over and over again.

I know you work hard for your money and the key to keeping more of it in your pocket is by making a plan for your spending with a budget, and every dollar is the budgeting app that I use personally, because it's perfect for looking every dollar you make in its little president face and Telling it exactly where you want it to go, Just like you told that guy in traffic exactly where you wanted him to go. and even better, Every dollar walks you through the entire budgeting journey, So you always know your next right step. download every dollar for free in the App Store or Google Play today.

Hey Spencer. How are you?

So my wife and I have been married for about 11 years. of those 11 years, I've been working as a firefighter paramedic for about eight of them. My wife recently brought to my attention that she struggles with certain aspects of my career, to the point where she has thought to ask me to change careers. She struggles with a thought of that because she knows how much I absolutely love my job, What I do and where I work, as well as how well it pays for our large family. She's afraid that I would resent her if I were to leave my career, and it would be the hardest thing that I've ever done, Because I absolutely have no idea what else I would do, as my entire educational career has led me to the point where I am now.

She wants to explore options for counseling and possibly help her through what she's struggling with Before we explore the option of a career change, but we don't know where to start. We don't know if we want married counseling or individual counseling. So we're just looking for some advice.

that's a PTSD type. Yeah, so

Your dad goes to work, I have to wonder if he's going to come home. Then that's that fear is very real. that's not what I'm hearing here. and so Because here's the deal. I'm a youtuber dude, and I was a dean of students before that, and before that I worked at Burger King.

All three of those jobs. I've had to miss some holiday stuff, all three of those jobs. I've had to work really late and miss a couple of this, isn't? that's that's life. so my fear is you're gonna quit this thing, and This imaginary life on the other side of this is not going to be real.

Okay, see, I'm saying so. I would not even bankers keep bankers hours now, that's right. Yeah, and so I I would Strongly suggest y'all go together at the beginning. Okay, and let's parse through what this is, because it sounds like somebody who is growing increasingly uncomfortable, for any number of reasons, with the life that she has, and Is beginning to look out in the crowd to see who can shoulder that with her. and you're the nearest guy.

Okay, does that make sense? It does. and when you're sitting at home, and you've got one kid that's sick and you got three other kids that are burning the house down and Making, as Dave's at, tear it out. It's not a real good metaphor, for, oh my bad. He has a fireman.

It's real easy to another example to create a story where it's the job right.

Hope that you guys can find some ground, That maybe you can make a few minor adjustments here or there to Meet some of those needs that she's got, And then that'll help her meet you the rest of the way. Because I gotta tell you the way she's approaching this. the way you described her was very mature, Very cool. I really like her a lot.

I can plan around that. and a minor example. It's not, it's not exactly parallel, Spencer, but when We were starting all this stuff with that. We now call Ramsey My days were like 16 hour days. I missed everything.

Sharon will tell you, there's about two years. she was a single mom and Because I worked all the time getting this thing going. I was pulling this thing up by its hair, right, and We worked all the time. And so when we finally hit that same wall, a similar discussion, we sat down and we said, okay, I got to have some non-negotiable. So after that, we never booked a live event on a kid's birthday.

We never took any speaking gigs ever on around a holiday. So I didn't miss any Christmas, I didn't miss any proms. I didn't missing kids birthdays after that two-year period, and that was me coming back towards her, Adjusting my business, you know, to to be able to still be a husband and a dad, right? And then, in the midst of that, that gave her the room that gave her the strength to Take up whatever slack there still was, which there still was, and she became a really zero maintenance Person from that point forward, and it's one of the reasons we've been able to build this incredible life. So I just really think you're willing to reach towards her with some adjustments.

She's willing to reach towards you. y'all can reset a few things here or there. I really think you can find this, but I, because of the way you're approaching it. I think you're gonna be okay.

That's easy. Can we do something on Saturdays? Can we make Christmas? Two days early every year, and that's just our fun thing. We do together as a family.

There's there's ways around it. if you got to right, you spend some of the money you're earning.

I don't care what it is. But on the days that you're gone. Somebody's there helping, They're filling in, you know, and that'd be worth it to stay doing what you're doing that you love so much. And then she won't be worried about whether you resent her, Because it's not her. She's trying to.

you know, she's a single mom when you're gone. That's what she's saying. and And that's the same thing Sharon said, and she was right, you know, that's a very real thing. So hey, good question, man. Sound like good people.

I think you're gonna find the way through that for sure. And again, I think it's a largely because the way you're approaching it. She didn't stomp in red-faced and scream you have to quit your job. I can't stand it. and you didn't say no.

You know, figure out your way out through this.

John Deloney, the Ramsey show, the Ken Coleman show these things, all the the stuff we talked about, the portions of your life. They are woven together in a very real way. That puts a sour of the Ramsey show in the books.

open phones at triple-a 825, 5, 2, 2, 5.. Thank you for joining us. Jesse is in Atlanta, starting off this hour. Hi, Jesse. How are you?

We read that total money makeover and we worked diligently to get out of debt, And thankfully now we've paid off our debts and we own our home way to go. We are now in the process. Thank you, It was actually through your book. God did amazing things to you. But so now we're in the process of looking towards wealth building and because of that I've been looking at Podcasts and different videos on wealth building.

But I've been noticing a recurring theme among a lot of these very well-known people, and it's good to use these phrases. Everybody has a prenup either the government makes one or you make one yourself. And I have always been someone that thinks Hearing negatively towards prenups my husband and I when we were married. granted, we were broke, but we always felt that the word divorce was out of the question and that if you're even Considering a prenup and you're opening yourself up to the possibility of a divorce. So I wanted your opinion as a Christian, as somebody who is wealthy.

What is your Perspective on prenups, especially in the Christian. So it's more in theory, because it obviously doesn't apply to you all. We're correct, but I guess the reason that I'm asking it is because I I kind of Helped me in discerning. are these people that I should get advice from, like wealth building? is this people that I should be listening to?

Typically what happens in something like that is a financial person is financial people and Legal people. both are the world's worst and I had to break myself of this when I started doing this several years ago Are the world's worst at looking at life through only one lens? Okay, you're asking a question. through a relational lens, a spiritual lens and a wealth building and legal lens, They're only looking at it for wealth protection. If, if you could live a life, which you can't, That wealth protection was separated From your relationships and was separated from your spiritual walk, You can't.

but if you could, then a prenup would be a slam-dunk. and in their minds, Therefore, a prenup is a slight slam-dunk because they only see it through that lens. Does that make sense? Yes, so I wouldn't necessarily discredit them, For all of their advice is somehow being Heresy or something like that. I would just say whoever you're listening to is only looking at the advice They're giving through a singular lens.

Our approach is we believe that personal finance is 80% behavior and we've proven that It's not about math and it's not about that stuff. So Our approach is is that the prenup actually could end up stunting your growth, Because you're not all in on working together. So when I first started this show, when I first started the show, I was a hundred percent Never get a prenup under any circumstances. Don't get married. if you love your stuff more than you love her period, Just don't do it.

That's how I started. now, having done this a long time, I have one caveat that I've added about a decade ago to this, and That is if two people are getting married, one of them has extreme wealth. There's an extreme difference. Like I had one guy Who was marrying a lady who had ten million dollars and he didn't have two nickels. Okay, I Suggested a prenup to them to keep their relationship pure about relationship and not about money.

and The bigger reason I suggested to them is my now experience 30 years later has been the prenup in that case is Not really for that couple. It's for all the weirdos in their families, Because all of a sudden crazy mother-in-law swoops in from the other side once the ten million dollar golden goose shows up And you got to look at. then you got a little piece of paper and you look at her and go Sorry, ma got a prenup, can't do nothing, and So it gives them a defense mechanism against crazy in their family, because one thing we know about wealth is it magnifies? Everything, and that includes crazy.

So when you got crazy members in your family and you marry ten million dollars, dad gum, the crazy comes out, You know, so in that case, I did recommend a prenup, in extreme differences. But from 99% of people, just regular folk getting married. and you know, I had one lady call me up one time and said her boyfriend had a 1968 frame-up restoration Mustang and he wanted a prenup. And you know my answer that don't marry this bozo. He loves his car more than you.

You know, that's not. that's the. that's the answer to that and that's not a. You know that might not jive with these other guys podcast or whoever is you're listening to, but Most of the time I agree with. where you're coming from, Jesse, and that is the prenup is simply planning the divorce in advance.

Oh, oh, 52% of marriages end in divorce. No, they don't. No, they don't Not when you take out people with four-year degrees. Not when you take out people who regularly attend a house of worship. Not when you take out people who the parents on neither side were divorced.

when you take those statistics out, almost 90% of people married to marriage work. Oh, And you're after you're older than 22 years old and you didn't have a baby before marriage. You can take these things out by a bone bone. bone bone. Success rate of marriage goes way up.

You make $50,000 a year or more household income. You didn't have a baby before marriage. You didn't get married in high school. You know all these kind. you take all that crap out.

You got about a 90% survival rate of marriages. So that 52% figure includes a whole bunch of other crap going on of people who weren't gonna make it anyway. So you can't use 52% of marriages in the divorce because they really don't.

a 55 year old who's done pretty well, not extreme wealth. Spouse passes away, and a Mary's, a 57 year old, who's done pretty well. spouse passes away. Both have kids, both have cousins. Does it make sense in that situation again to protect from family?

And so I, there's a whole thing that goes into play here. But yeah, by and large, I'm anti. preen up that would, because I believe you're planning your divorce, believe you're asking for trouble and you know, it's Cheapens the whole affair and puts a dollar figure to it, And I just I'm not doing that now, if there's an extreme difference, like I said, there's a few times It's okay. You talk about it, but it's it's a dangerous thing. Thanks for the question.

It's a good one.

Yep. Just 10 minutes. You've got this. pick up financial peace, kids at Ramsey solutions comm slash store. That's Ramsey solutions comm slash store.

Hi, Lee. How are you? Hi, I'm good. How are you better than I deserve? What's up?

It's just, it's a lot.

That's a lot.

What state are they in? Ohio, okay, you need to find out what the probate tax is in Ohio, but I suspect, Like it is in most states, that the best thing they can do is a simple will. It's done. Typically, what will happen in a situation like that would be What we call a mirror image will. where they do, they both do the exact same will, Except the names are changed.

So his will would say everything goes to her, Unless we die together, and then everything goes to the girls three ways. Okay, and her will would say exactly the same thing. everything goes to husband, unless we die together, and Then everything goes to the girls three ways. Okay, so it's not. it's not expensive, because it's cut and paste, right?

You do one will and cut and paste the thing. mirror image will, there's. no. Again, there's no federal estate tax on an estate of five million dollars. The probate is A tax to run it through the probate and you'd have to find out what it is in, Ohio, But I would not go to the expense of a trust.

a trust is typically going to run you three to five thousand dollars to have an attorney do it, and.

You don't need it. There's no need for it.

Really, in most states. now not a. It's the. you know, it's a. it came from your side of the family.

It doesn't? he doesn't automatically get it. now you know it. if a Period of 50 years went by, then there may be a different thing. Okay, before you got divorced, but You know a few years out, you know five or ten years, something like that in most states.

You're going. the judge is going to cover that and something that came from You know somewhere else. It's obviously was your money. It'd be like if you married someone without a prenup We're talking about that a minute ago and you brought money into the marriage and then you get a divorce shortly thereafter. You're gonna take that money out of the marriage in most states.

Some states have different common-law stuff, but, and so I'd want to learn about that, to be a hundred percent sure, but by and large I really wouldn't over complicate this for a million and a half dollars. Sure, okay, that makes sense. I would keep my life pretty clean and pretty simple, But let's learn about it then, so you can address their concerns, and, by the way, that also means they probably ought to talk to an estate planning attorney or to.

But but prior to that, I would just keep my life as simple as I could if I were you guys.

So hey, good question. Thank you for joining us. Michelle is in Dayton, Ohio. Hi, Michelle. How are you?

I'm good. Dave. How are you better than I deserve? What's up?

I was numb. the last year I've just kind of been living in survival mode.

and Long story short. I did stupid about a month ago and went out and traded in my car For a new one and I realized pretty quick. It was dumb. I was kind of stressed out and I was going through a box of my mom's stuff And on top of it was a book that I had never seen before. It was Rachel Cruz's know yourself, know your money.

I started reading that. it kind of turned me on to your guys's show again. My mom listened to you guys here and there. But I guess what I'm where I'm at right now is I need to get out from underneath this car, But I'm not really sure what to do. You know, I feel like I need to sell it.

I I don't have anything but student loans and and the car payment, but it's pretty much top my budget out and I'm like, what if something happens in my rent raises or you know, crazy stuff like that, stuff I should have thought about before I did it, but I guess where I'm at is. I just don't know how to you know What steps to take to get out from underneath this car? I know, obviously selling it's probably the best bet, but I'm pretty sure Soon as you drive it off the lot I'm gonna owe more than what it's worth, and so I'm just trying to get some advice on what to do and where to start.

I Was underwater on that, about a thousand bucks. So I put twenty five hundred down. with what they gave me, I ended up putting about a thousand five hundred down. Okay, on the car. Okay.

Yeah, so I the cars, $30,000, note, 31,000 actually, and you make, I'm just got a new job. I'm working for the government. So I'm making about 50,000 a year. Yeah. Okay, you're right.

But you're right, you need to undo this, and the sooner you undo it, the better, Because every day you drive it, it's going down in value even more. this is the Ramsey show.

Listen, the housing market is crazy and if you've been on the internet, Here's the sentiment affording a home is impossible and you're doomed to be a renter for the rest of your life, right? Wrong, George Campbell here? Listen, finding a home you love within your budget is possible, and I'm excited to help you get there with our brand new course how To buy a home you can actually afford, from saving a down payment that fits your budget to making an offer that sellers Can't resist. we'll cover it all. so if you're ready to seal the deal on the right home for you, Take the course at Ramsey solutions comm slash course.

That's Ramsey solutions comm slash course.

Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality is my co-host. He's also the author of the number one best-selling book building a non anxious life. It's our latest number one bestseller here at Ramsey and you ought to be able to check it out in the lobby of Ramsey Solutions, hanging out with us on the stage. Anthony from Lancaster, Pennsylvania.

Hi Anthony. How are you? Good? How are you better than I deserve? How can we help you today, sir?

Just have a question. How do I get my 19 year old stepdaughter to follow the Ramsey plan and pay for college cash when she says she'll let her future Self worry about the debt? your 19 year old stepdaughter, your wife's daughter. Yes, Okay, how long y'all been married? Oh, Ten and a half years.

Okay, so you knew her when she was nine. Yes.

Wow, who? Can I just take a guess here that? The other parent is fully on. take out every loan and go get them.

Well, I think that's a couple things I pop into my head and, John, you're probably mean to address this a lot more than me. I'm just thinking like a dad.

Unless there's a fractured relationship, your wife is going to have a better chance of having this conversation than you, Because you're by definition the stepdad, Unless you're the only hero in this whole story. With this kid that you've got more credibility than her actual two parents, you know It'd be nice if she'd listen to your wisdom, but you're probably odd man out, And so what we've got to do is get somebody in front of her that she'll listen to. So that's first what I'm looking for is who she most likely to hear from, and then whoever that is, I'm gonna school them. Just as a dad. This is Dave the dad.

You know. one of the things well, the hardest times for me in parenting was when my kids grew up And I couldn't tell him what to do anymore. It's pissed me off, Because I was a lot easier when I could just tell him what to do. It's it's I mean. and now they're 30 and 40 years old.

I still can't tell him what to do. It's just awful. I can't even tell him what to do with the grandkids. It's awful. So I've had to learn to not use my dad voice.

my only shot at Dealing with a quote grown-up, in this case a 19 year old, is to Speak to them as if they were someone else's kid, and I was trying to persuade them. Like if one of my buddy's kid was gonna do this, I would sit down and I would use a different voice than my dad voice And I'd say, you know, I love you and let me walk you through because I love you. why I think this is stupid and Why I think it's stupid for you. It doesn't affect me. you get to do whatever you want to do, But one definition of maturity, honey is learning to delay pleasure, and this little future self thing You've said is an indication you're acting like her for and that's what I would tell one of my friends kids But as if they were a caller on this show, you know, but it's not me using my dad voice, because an instant she hears anything other than persuasion as a technique, she's gonna click off and Move on, even if she's physically sitting there.

She quit listening. Yeah, I.

Okay, I did this one time and that may not work, But at least you become more credible instead of just this pointing finger and saying you're gonna, you know.

I Love you, and I'm gonna be here when you get back, and I've got a plan for you to pay all this mess off. I don't think it's the right thing. but there's that weird loyalty thing that they feel like if they're doing something, even if it's better for them and they know it, that They're being disloyal and somehow unloving to the other parent. Like this situation is messy. It's just messy.

That's why it's important for y'all to to get your boundaries straight. We're gonna pay for your first semester of college, But it's gonna come at this or this, or we can put this money on the table, But you can't borrow a dime. if you borrow a dime your I don't. you are opting out of this money, whatever.

The terms of this money are X, Y & Z. You're opting out. You're a grown-up. You get to do that.

You're putting your. I'm paying for you to go get an education, and This is not your time to party, and daddy pays for it. That's screw, that you know. And so we had these conversations early and often as I sent checks into the thing. But this is this this money is contingent.

My love is not contingent, But this stream of money coming at your college experience is contingent, and they get to decide whether that money keeps coming. Yeah, that's their behavior. Yeah, so you're opting in. you're opting out if you guys are participating. That's the thing on there, but I think the thing is this it's just a mistake, and we've got.

we got, you know, She's 44 million people in America. That'll tell her. it's a mistake. They got student loans out there, Ying-yang, and they can't breathe and they're waiting on the president to mysteriously make it go away. and he's not, he can't and he won't.

And so it's. you know, It's a mistake. and when you, anytime, you say the future me, That just means I want to buy something now, and I'm being a four-year-old on the cereal, I'll having a fit because I want fruit, and so it's a cute saying, though. I like her, It's gonna. it's kind of funny, but I'll let the future me deal with that.

That's kind of funny. She's got, she's got moxie. But um, we. so we threw a lot at you. What do you think?

You're right? We had X amount of money that we had that we said we would give if she stayed at home. She could have used that for four years, But she decided to dorm and all that's being used the first year, and we said we're not going to co-sign for any loans. Yeah, okay, So you, she used up the money, even though she went a direction you said not to do, and now it's even gone further And we're not co-signing the loans. So now she's gonna have to be out of school.

No, I mean.