Experiencing God and Satan for the first time

Welcome to Looking for Healing Talk Radio, where pharmaceuticals are not medicine, but love always is. I'm your host, Nicola Burnett, holistic dietician, functional medicine practitioner, and proprietor of Back to Balance Wellness Center in Las Vegas, Nevada. I thank you for joining me today at Looking for Healing Talk Radio. Looking for Healing is an exciting show where you can learn from experts in the practice of natural medicine. Combined, the four show hosts possess more than 100 years of clinical experience as professional healers, and includes myself, Nicola Burnett, Dr.

Henry Ely, Dr. Brian Artis, and Dr. Jana Schmidt. If you're into all things natural when it comes to health and healing, then stick with us. I promise you, this is the show for you.

I am really grateful for having the opportunity to share and educate and expand the minds of others on the topic of natural healing, which is a topic that has seemingly gotten lost as the primary way of healing. I invite you to share the links and to tell all your like-minded friends and family that they can find us live every week on America Out Loud Talk Radio at 8 a.m. Pacific Standard Time, 10 a.m. Central Standard Time, and 11 a.m. Eastern Standard Time, and via recorded podcasts at AmericaOutloud.com, iHeartRadio, Spotify, Pandora Networks, and via America Out Loud phone apps downloaded from Apple, Android, and Alexa.

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They teach you how to think, not what to think. And it's a great school for learning all things healing and holistic. And for those of you who are not aware, I just want to put a little shout-out to the Healing for the Ages conference in Dallas, Texas. Registration is open for the 2024 conference. So go to healingfortheages.com.

It is September 12th through the 14th. The first Healing for the Ages was by far the best conference I've ever been to. And I am not saying that just because I happen to be good friends with the people who put it on. I just really was impressed, greatly, greatly impressed with the entire conference, how it was run, how it was conducted. There were so many things that I really loved about it.

The information is just so wonderful, so important, so timely, so critical. And just the way the whole conference was run was just so top-notch. And I, as you can probably imagine, have been to a lot of conferences in my career. And I would have to say that Healing for the Ages, absolutely hands down, was my favorite conference I've ever been to in the whole length of my career. So that's saying a lot.

All right. Well, I hope to see some of you there at Healing for the Ages. I am planning on going. I wouldn't miss it for anything. So as good as it was last year, I imagine it's going to be tenfold, I want to say better, but I don't know that they could have improved much last year.

So I'm just excited. Let's just leave it at that. I'm excited, too. I do know some things of what is being presented and put together, but most of it will be a surprise. And so I am very excited and looking forward to that.

All right. We're going to move into the show today, and I'm going to do something that might be a little bit strange. I'm going to tell a story. And it may be a very long story, meaning it may be more than just today's show.

And I'm not going to give any reasons as to why I'm actually telling this story. I think it will become obvious. Well, I don't think. I know. it will become obvious towards the end of the story, and I'm not sure when the end will be.

I have been having an experience in my life that is,

wow. So I just have this intense, strong, compelling desire to share about something. So I have decided to go ahead and share this story.

Again, for those of you who know me, I would just say, trust me where I'm going with this. And what I mean by that, and what I'm asking is that this is a show about health and healing.

And I've just come to this big epiphany in my life that there was a lot to the story about health and healing, which I was very unaware of. So, as I'm telling the story, the story may seem like, what is she doing? Why is she talking about? Where is she going? What is the point of all this?

But I assure you, there is a point. And I am just being directed, so clearly, directed by creator, by spirit, by my guides, whatever you want to understand that, that this story must be told. So I'm going to take my time, and I'm going to just share. So, and again, I promise that the end of this sharing will definitely result in coming to a place that circles all the way around, back to health and healing.

So I'm going to share some information just about the course of my life. And I'll just start out in my childhood. And I would say I'm one of the lucky kids who gets to say that I had a great childhood. And I just remember. when I think of my childhood, I remember lots of play.

I remember as a little girl, my mother was a nurse, and so sometimes she worked late hours. I remember specifically, I think she worked a shift that was like 3 in the afternoon or 4 in the afternoon until midnight.

And so oftentimes. my siblings were off at school, and I was still too young. And we had a St. Bernard, which, to a small child, is like a dog. And I remember as my mom was napping, because she got home very, very late, and was just trying to make up sleep from working till not going to bed till 1 or 2 in the morning.

the night before, that I was just left to entertain myself, while she would nap during the day for a couple of hours. And I would do this thing where I would climb on the dog's back. At least I'd try to climb on the dog's back. I'd drag a chair around, kept moving the chair up to the dog, climb up the chair, try to throw my leg over, and the dog would just sit down. The dog was pretty smart.

I think it knew what was going on. But I would do this for hours, convinced that there was going to be a moment where I would achieve my goal and climb onto the dog's back, just like I saw in TV, getting on top of a horse, and then the dog would walk around, and I would have my great, exciting experience of riding on the back of my dog. Never happened, but I just was determined. So that would go on for hours sometimes. Anyways, I remember another time where I was convinced I could fly.

I mean, you couldn't have talked me out of it. I just knew it was possible. And I would take trash can lids, as I had seen on television, and I would climb up on my picnic table in my backyard, and I would run the length of the table and start flapping, flapping, flapping my arms with the trash can lids in my hands.

and just knew that if I got them flapping enough, hard enough, fast enough, that I would be able to fly. So I would spend hours doing things like that. I played a lot of board games, played a lot with the neighborhood kids. We had tons of kids in the neighborhood. I mean, sometimes there's groups of 12 or 20 of us riding bikes.

I remember playing for hours with Barbies, riding my big wheel, all kinds of things. And so that's what I remember of my childhood. It was fun. It was good. And the first time I ever remember experiencing any kind of difficulty, I was eight years old, and this was really my first experience that I can recall of difficulty.

And my parents were having all kinds of challenges in their marriage. I was the third child.

And, as I mentioned before, my mother was a nurse, and I didn't understand or know this at the time, but I now understood this as I became older, that my mother had a problem with addiction to prescription drugs. And at that time, she had very easy access to them, and also with alcohol. And so that started showing up around this time.

Now, I don't really know all of what was going on, but as a child, I remember feeling quite a bit of emotional pain from my mother.

So still to this day, not really sure what all that is about, but things happen to adults.

And with my father, I had a wonderful father and a wonderful mother.

My father was that both my parents were, I think, very typical of your 50s, parents. in the 50s. My father really felt like when he married a woman, he wanted to marry a woman who had a good bedside manner, and he felt like who better to have a wonderful bedside manner than a nurse? Wonderful mother, great with children. And in many respects, I think he was right about that.

And my father really understood his role as bringing home the bacon, if you will. And so I recall him coming home from work, changing out of his work clothes, sitting down and eating his dinner meal. And the rest of the night, he was pretty checked out, most of the time watching television. And as an adult, now understanding things like working 40 hours a week or more, just what that does to you, and when you come home and you just need to, my expression is stare at a wall, meaning kind of check out and not do anything, not have to do anything, not be focused,

just really need some space and need some time. And I understood, well, I understood as I got older, that that's really probably what was going on with him. I grew up in the latchkey kid generation. So when I was younger, in elementary school, we had babysitters, I guess that's what you would call them. We had this great woman who would come pick us up and she looked after many children and she had a VW van and she might've been looking after, gosh, as much as six or eight children, if I remember.

And it was kind of that, you know, pick up from school and then she would just do things with us, maybe take us to the park or whatever it might've been. And then we would get brought home and dropped off later in the evening when a parent was around. And when we got older, my siblings and I, we were just at home alone when we got old enough. And I think that was really high school. And I was the youngest in the family, so I had two older siblings.

And so I think my parents just thought, okay, they were old enough. I remember, you know, taking the bus, walking from the bus stop, home, getting home, turning on the television, eating sugary cereal,

just hanging out, having fun, whatever, whatever it might've been, until parents got home at the typical time, around five or six in the evening. And I was raised Catholic. And so I recall the things I can recall as a child. is Holy communion. Of course, I didn't understand what that was.

You just do what the adults tell you to do. I just remember I got to wear a pretty white dress. That was, that was the highlight for me. I do remember when I was a child, when my father would go to my father's siblings, my mother would go to church. There were times where I had to go to what was called CCD classes.

To this day, I just don't recall what CCD even stands for.

However, I do know it was just teaching us about religion as a child. And I remember, you know, second grade, third grade, fourth grade. And boy, I don't use this word very often, but I'm going to use it here. And the word is hate. I hated going to these classes.

I don't recall getting anything out of them. I just thought they were pointless. And I really don't remember anything about the information. I believe it was a female. Maybe it was a nun that taught these classes.

But anyways, once I switched from public school into Catholic school, I no longer had to go to CCD classes, but I did have to go to church every Sunday. I was not given a choice about that. And I, again, hate's a strong word, but I just, I'll say for church, I couldn't stand it. So church on Sunday was about people watching for me. I just dreamed about the donut that I was going to eat afterwards and which kind I was going to have.

And, you know, imagining getting the nickel, or I think they were a dime at that time, getting the dime from my father and going in the garden and getting the donut.

Later on, when I was a little older and in high school, I remember when you would go for communion and you kind of walk around the whole congregation, I was always on the lookout for the cute boys that were in church.

But aside from that, I just felt that it really felt torturous to sit there. The hour felt like it was 10 hours. And just the things that we had to do, sit, stand, kneel, sit, stand, kneel, sit, stand, kneel. It was just painful, not physically painful, but just maybe mentally painful, emotionally painful, just that I had to go do this thing, which just seemed like nothing but a giant waste of time.

And I thought it was really strange that the focus was on a tortured, dead man that we had to acknowledge and pay homage to. I thought it was creepy and bizarre, when we had to go for communion, that we were eating the body of Christ. I didn't understand that. And drinking his blood and this wafer and this wine represented that. I just thought that was absolutely insane.

But yet, I wasn't given a choice.

So what am I to do other than do? as I'm told? All right, I need to stop and head to a break. So I will do that. And when we come back, I will continue on with this story.

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This is Nicola Burnett, coming back from our short break on Looking for Healing Radio. And real quick, I just want to mention, if you're not able to catch any of our shows live, just know that all of our shows go to podcast, typically a day or two after the live broadcast is complete. You can listen to any of the podcasts on Spotify, Stitcher, Pandora, iHeart Podcast, or America Out Loud, and many more. If you like what you're hearing, please rate the show for us and subscribe.

Okay, so I'm going to continue on with this story. And I left off talking about the things that I experienced going to church every Sunday. Again, I'll repeat that the focus on a tortured, dead man, that was the whole focus of the entire building, and everything about what was going on in that building. This is my understanding. And the description of eating the body of Christ and drinking his blood, going up to communion.

I just thought of this was all insane. Like, this is just, I don't know what this is. And it's bizarre. And I just really just kind of, I don't know, just shook my head at the whole thing. And again, there I was going to church every week because it was required of me, of all the kids in the family.

You know, it makes me think about today, when we are hearing about the satanic rituals of drinking blood of children, you know, eating babies, cannibalism, you know, just all this weird, bizarre stuff. I just was looking at this going, what's different? What's different between what they're doing in a Catholic church and between what's going on today? I mean, it seems like the same weirdness.

So anyways, moving on. One of the good aspects of, I guess, the presentation of religion, I'm not sure how else to describe that, is my grandmother. Very, very interesting. My grandmother on my father's side, she would come to visit us. We were very involved in her life.

And she would come, I think, once a year, to visit us and stay for a week, 10 days, something along those lines. And for me, my grandmother was just amazing. She's kind of like your storybook, grandma, where you play cards and you cook. Our whole thing was she taught me how to bake a carrot cake.

So every time she came, I wanted to do that with her. So it was just very, very, you know, fantasy land when my grandmother would come. But one of the things that was really interesting to me from being a small child that I witnessed,

every single day of this woman's life, she would get up and she would pray the rosary.

And she would walk, or pace, I guess, as she did it. And so she would walk from the front door, through the living room, you know, through the dining room. She kind of would just walk this path back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And she would carry her rosary and she would pray every day. This is how she started her day.

And again, as a small child, not really knowing things, right, about the earth and the world and people and how things work, kids are much more intuitive. And this was the only thing that I ever witnessed that I would have associated with religion, because that's how it was presented to me, that I just had a sense, was very beautiful and was good.

So, continuing on with this discussion, I think I mentioned earlier that when I started fifth grade, I transferred after fourth grade, left the public school system and went to the Catholic school system. And that was just a choice my parents made. And it's just what happened. It was just informed, you're going to a new school. Oh, OK.

So, you know, Catholic school, wear uniforms.

I remember taking religion. Like I think in high school, I do remember, I think maybe if I was a sophomore or a junior, I can't quite recall if it was required that we took religion all four years in high school. I don't remember much from that. But what I do remember is that I didn't learn much from, you know, my religion class. I remember sometimes I remember one time getting into some kind of a topic and it got very deep and it got very personal.

But I can't remember. I just remember the feeling. And I don't remember what the topic was about. But it just felt very personal. And I remember raising my hand and speaking on the topic, whatever it was.

And I think I was the last person to speak before the bell rang and then the class was over. But that's the only memory that I have. So. Anyways, other memories I have, I remember going to confession. I just thought that was strange.

I just thought that was odd. I mean, today, my commentary would be.

Everybody has, you know, comes from God and therefore has a direct relationship, and nobody needs somebody to get in the middle of that. But, you know, at the time when you're young, you're just doing what the elders around you tell you what to do. So I remember being in elementary school. And we had to do this thing called confession. I got nothing out of it.

It did nothing for me. I didn't feel any connection. Other than a momentary like, oh, I'm supposed to feel bad about who I am and what I did. and. And I commit sins, and I didn't even know what sins were, but I, just as a child, thought, OK, these are bad things.

So I remember, in confession, I would say, oh, I swore once. I mean, you're a kid. You know how many bad things could you have done? Well, today, I think it's very different. But back then, you know, that was.

that was about it.

And the next thing that I can recall, insofar as my life and things being challenging, my parents, when I was eight years old, there started from about eight to 10 years old, or somewhere in there. That the relationship situation between my parents became very difficult and.

Lots of fighting and unpleasantness in the home. And when I was in fifth grade, 10 years old, it was finally announced to us by, actually my father that they were getting a divorce. And that that was a strange, strange time, as it is, for, I think, any and all children who hear that news. And at that time, it was very interesting. Myself and my siblings were brought into the court and there were no parents there and they were asking questions of us.

And I remember being alone at 10 years old in a room with a. I think there was a woman who was asking me questions. I have no idea who she was, maybe an attorney, who knows? Who did we want to live with? Do we want to live with her mother?

Do we want to live with our father? And so what ended up happening was there was an agreement that the children would stay in the house and the parents would swap for six months, six months. One parent would come in and be in the home with the children and then that parent would move out and the other parent would move in for six months. So it was a very bizarre, strange time, because it's weird to not have a parent around and then you don't really see them much for six months. And then all of a sudden they're there every day, 24 hours around the clock, all the time.

And it's awkward. And my mother and father obviously had very different ways of running the household. So you'd get adjusted to the way things were and then, bam, they would change. And I'm a very sensitive person. I've been told a number of times, you are the most sensitive person I have ever met.

I've never even seen this level of sensitivity before, ever in my life, nowhere even close. And that's just the way that I'm made.

So hence, I know that that paid off. later, when I started to become very psychic, intuitive, these types of experiences. It was my level of sensitivity became front center for these types of situations. Pulling information through for people, seeing things in people's bodies, seeing things around them, all those types of things. But for a long time, I just kept hearing that it was not a good thing to be sensitive and it was not a desirable quality.

I grew up most of my life thinking that until I started to do readings for people. And they wanted more and they wanted more and they were so grateful and it helped them so much and it confirmed things. And I thought, ah, okay, this is what the sensitivity was about. But anyways, let me come back to my story here.

Around that same time, I recall, same time, around 10 years old, fifth grade. It's the first time I recall being interested in boys. And the first time I can recall, I was concerned about my appearance and being attractive and was I pretty? Those types of things came in around this time. Now, I grew up with no adult anywhere giving me any information on anything in regards to womanhood, menstrual cycles, hormonal changes.

Feelings coming up that I didn't understand, desires or things in my body for my hormones changing. Nothing about boys, where babies come from, sex. I mean, just none of this, none of this. Not a thing, nothing. The only information that I had was when I started my menstrual cycle.

I went to, I didn't even know what it was and took me a while to figure it out. And then I went to my older sister and she just brought me in the bathroom and said, here, this is what you do. And that was it. There was no talk about it or what it represented, or anything at all. So, by the time I got into 7th and 8th grade, my sexual education came from something called, those folks out there are going to laugh when I say what I'm about to say, the Z channel.

Z, as in zebra.

So, for any of those who are old enough to remember, back in the day, we had cable and there was only a couple of channels. I mean, there was one or two, and then I remember there was three. But the first thing there was, was the Z channel. And there was a box and there was a switch or a button, and I think on the back of the box kind of hidden. Anyways, we figured out pretty quick where that was and started to see some interesting things.

Adults engaged in sexual relationships and things of that nature. And also, I had a friend that used to spend the night at her house a lot and she would either set the alarm or we would get up, because by two o'clock in the morning, all the adult stuff came on. And it was just curiosity. It wasn't anything more than that. I mean, I get that now.

It was just like, what is this? And what is this about? And then, watching this stuff, of course, it conjures up certain feelings in your own body, because you're going through all the hormonal changes. And am I an adult? Am I a kid?

Why am I feeling these things? I mean, everybody can relate to this, I think. But anyways, in seventh grade, there were these two new kids that came to school. They were twins. Twin girls.

So they got a lot of attention. And they were attractive.

And I befriended them. And I remember many, many, many times. they lived very close to the school. And we would go over, myself, a couple other people, just friends, we would go over to their place. And there was never any parents there.

I don't know what their parents did. I really, I never, I don't think I ever met the parents or saw the parents. They came home late, like eight o'clock at night. So I remember we always had to leave before the parents came home. And I remember learning about sex ed, I'll just say that very loosely, from these twins.

And I remember them lending me a pair of jeans. And I remember them teaching me that the tighter the pants were, the better it was. The more attractive you would be, you would attract boys. And so now, when I think back to this, I just think, God, what was done to those kids? What did they witness?

What was done to them? What did they see? Because clearly this wasn't appropriate. But it's what was. And at the time, I had a quote-unquote boyfriend, which just amounted to giggling and looking at each other across the room and sending notes to each other.

I mean, it really wasn't much of anything. However, I remember one time he was going to go, we were going to meet them, the boys, or I can't remember, they were coming over. I think they were coming over. And I remember lying on a bed, no joke, and the two twins, the pants were so tight, these jeans, that it required one person to pull the two sides of the pants together. And the other person using some kind of like a metal instrument to pull the zipper up.

It's just like, oh my God, when I think back to this. Oh, when you're young and dumb and a kid and don't know anything. But anyways, so it was. And I do remember having a date with my boyfriend in eighth grade. I think both of our parents dropped us off for the date and they knew it was a date at the movie theater.

And they came and paid for the tickets and escorted us in and then left. And then we're right there at the curb when the movie was over. And that was when I had my first kiss.

Again, I mentioned, this is going to seem like a really straight, like, where is she going with all this? These details are important. They'll come in of importance later. I'm going somewhere with this. All right.

Well, we are getting to that point where I'm going to run to a break. So I'll go ahead and do that and sit tight and I'll be right back. I'm so confused. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid of going to the hospital.

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This is Nicola Burnett, coming back from our short break. Hey, and Looking for Healing Radio is on five days a week, Monday through Friday. In case you don't know that, you can catch Dr. Brian Artis on Mondays, myself, Nicola Burnett, on Tuesdays, Dr. Henry Ely on Wednesdays, and Dr.

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Okay, so let me get back into the story.

Let's see. I'm thinking of where I left off. Ah, okay. Eighth grade.

Well, one significant memory that I remember was my eighth grade graduation. A friend of mine had a pool party as a celebration. She had an older brother. So how old are you when you're in eighth grade? 13..

I was 13.

. And her older brother was 16.. And he was there with a friend of his, and he was actually, I think, supposed to be there as kind of a chaperone, if you will. And he had a friend with him, and it was your typical kind of bad boy friend. He had long hair, super confident,

just remember, just thought he was awesome.

And I'm not quite sure, I don't remember, but I don't think I exchanged numbers with him, but somehow I got this person's number. And for that entire summer after eighth grade, I was in contact with him, talking to him, going to the beach with him often. And one of the interesting things about him was that he was adopted. And his parents were, his adopted parents were from some European bloc country. I don't remember where they were from.

I just remember that they spoke a different language that I did not recognize. And even now, when I think about it, I can't think back and say, oh, that was Russian or that was German. I really think it was something else, something very different that I just can't recall. But when I would meet him at the beach, oftentimes I lived further away, he lived closer, so I would make my way to his place.

And I was never there for very long. I would come in the front door and he would finish grabbing his stuff, and then we would leave. But I will never forget, he was unbelievably abusive to his adoptive parents. I have never, at that point in my life, I had never witnessed such verbal violence and abuse. It was really something.

And I was just stunned by it. I didn't even know, God, I was so young, I didn't even know what to make of it. I didn't even know where to go with that. I didn't even know what you do when you're presented with something like that. Today would have been a really different ballgame.

But back then, when I was young and incredibly naive and just having a crush on a boy, I just didn't even know what to do with that. And unfortunately, that was the summer that I ended up losing my virginity to this particular individual. And I say unfortunately, or maybe not unfortunately, I really trust in the fact that everything that happens, one of my favorite expressions is everything happens in divine right order.

And that was just, I guess, what was supposed to happen. And I was so naive. when I think back to that, I didn't even know that that had happened. And I know that sounds really wild and really crazy. But when you are that young and that naive and you really are just so navigating in the dark, it's a real thing.

And I've talked to many other women who have said the same thing. So it's very, very interesting to just think back on that time in my life. And looking back on that now, I realize that, just like so many other young women, that I also fell into the trap of thinking that being over-sexualized, which is not what I was at that age. However, getting older and moving into high school, I would say that being over-sexualized was the way that a woman, at least I thought, the way that a woman was supposed to be. It was what a man or potential mate was looking for, or what they found attractive.

Obviously, I know that's not the case today. But back then, again, I had no advice, none. No education, no adult to model or discuss these things with. So, growing up in a society that displayed what I'm going to refer to as complete debauchery as the way to be, is the lure of the distorted cultural values held in high esteem,

replacing love with lust. And that's pretty much exactly looking back on what happened for me as a young person.

And teaching would have been so great if I had some kind of teaching or education that taught you that sex is not love and love is not sex, even though there obviously is a relationship between the two. Definitely something I was unaware of. Perhaps my life would have been very different, in the sense that a lot of pain, a lot of loneliness, and a lot of confusion could have been avoided. And I have to say, I see almost all young women fall into the same trap, just looking back on it throughout my lifetime.

So I think a lot of this is happening due to the number of households that are fatherless. So the use of sexuality is used as a young person when you get older. That's something that's learned to be used to try to fill the space of the emptiness left in our hearts by an absentee father. This is definitely what happened to me. This is definitely what happened to, gosh, probably almost all of my friends.

I mean, I really can't think of anybody that it didn't happen to. So just remembering growing up. And again, I had a great, wonderful father. He was a wonderful provider. He was so many things.

But the one thing that, he wasn't an absentee father, but when I say absentee father, what I'm referring to, what comes to mind is that it could be either a father not present in the household, like just being raised by a single mother, or that there was a father there, but the father was unable to display affection or knew how to create healthy intimacy that children need to see and experience when they are young. And I know that definitely was my case. I see evidence of that in, especially my older sister as well.

So just kind of an interesting observation at this point as an adult in my life. And so, moving on from eighth grade, moving into high school, 14 year old was, which is freshmen in high school, was a very critical age for me because of two things that happened. I'm going to say I experienced God for the first time. I joined the youth group that was there at my school, and we went on a retreat. And the memory that sticks out, and I will probably never forget in my mind, is that during this retreat, there was this time where we were all kind of housed in dorms, if you will, you know, a big room with bunk beds and all the girls slept in one room, and then there was a different room for the guys.

And I remember coming back to the dorm room and I was alone. There wasn't anybody in the dorm room. So I don't know if I skipped a session or why I was there, or I just needed a break or needed just to process things. I don't quite remember, but I remember going out on the balcony and I remember standing on the balcony just looking out over the nature that was there. It was a beautiful retreat center on some land somewhere.

And I became absolutely overwhelmed with a presence or a force or a spirit that was absolutely all-consuming.

And I describe it as all-consuming and overwhelming in the sense of a feeling of wholeness, a feeling of completeness. And it was the feeling experience of what I would say was unconditional love. It was almost like I was receiving this love that was pouring back at me from this beautiful nature, this beautiful planet. I was looking out on on this balcony. And it was like a love that existed just because I existed.

regardless of anything I did or didn't do or said or didn't say. I'd never experienced that before. It was just because I existed. It was almost like a love for my beingness and there was a peace, a joy, exultation. The experience was otherworldly.

It was not of this place, this retreat center. And I was overcome with all of this and realized I was experiencing the love of Creator.

And don't ask me how I knew that. I just did. It was an instinctual knowing and understanding. So in this same year of my life, I had another experience that I would say was exactly the opposite. And now, looking back on this, it's just so pivotal and so telling for so many reasons, which I will eventually get to as I'm moving through this story.

And this was an experience that made me feel things I had never felt before, meaning I was just so young and naive. I had no idea that these types of feelings or experiences actually existed on planet Earth is how I will describe it. And it was a phone call I had with my older sister. And this is the older sister, as I mentioned earlier, that has, I think, I mentioned earlier, she's had a history with drugs and alcohol. And I remember having an experience with her.

I think she was either 13 or 14, five years younger. And the experience was that she had decided to smoke weed with a boy who was a friend of hers that lived on the block. And I happened to be there observing them after they did. And I just knew.

something wicked this way comes. I'll just say that. So now, with myself being 14 and my sister being five years older, so being the age of 19,, I can't remember the circumstances. I don't remember how it all came about. But there was a phone call.

She was somewhere and she had called and I had picked up the phone and I was home alone. And all I can say is that it was not my sister. And she was just spewing venom. It was like vomiting disgrace and despair and pure evil on me. It was just pure and total evil.

It was mean-spirited. It was great intent. Harm could be felt. And it was like blind rage. And the things she was saying was just, again, degrading, demeaning.

I can't even really repeat them. I mean, just think of every single degrading description.

from bitch to whore, to on and on and on.

that you could possibly come up with. Every single word in the dictionary. And I remember it went on for what seemed like a very long time. 30, 40 minutes. I don't remember speaking at all.

I was literally frozen. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I was literally frozen in terror because I had never experienced, felt, seen what I'm just going to call is complete evil. And it reminded me of how that young man spoke to his adopted parents.

That boy I had met at that 8th grade party. Similar quality.

I understand now more about what that was. And I'll talk more about that later. But it literally was a demonic possession. that was not my sister. And it was way beyond your run-of-the-mill upset-edness.

So I'm going to come back to this at a later time and dive much deeper into this. But time is up. And I will just leave by saying that this is the moment that my entire life, unbeknownst to me, flipped over.

on top of itself. And I had never been the same since then. So, just for time's sake, I'm going to stop here. And we'll continue on with this story. Hope you enjoyed this.

Hope it was just entertaining.

And again, I am going somewhere with this. And it's a very big topic that I really want to share. So, just for now, I'll say thank you for spending this hour with me. And I do hope that you got something out of this.

And I do hope that, as I continue on with this story and the message that is wrapped into this story, which will come to come to full circle here as I get all of this out, will be helpful, will be inspiring. Maybe we'll be shocking to some and not a surprise to others. But anyways, I would like to just say thank you for spending this hour with me. I will meet you here again next week. And, until then, blessings and abundance with your health and your life.

This is Nicola Burnett signing off from Looking for Healing Radio.