Synced: M+R or L+D

Welcome to Los Angeles. Thank you. You live here now. It's hard for you to even say. Let's talk about it.

Oh, God. I mean, I-. Are you going to cry? Yeah. I've cried all week.

And I was just telling Rob, I had last episode of Friends vibes of the empty apartment. Of course. But there were no friends because I banned anyone from saying goodbye to me. Oh, you did. You hate goodbyes?

I'm really bad at goodbyes. Even like leaving a goodbye. or ending a conversation. I have a lot of issue with just being like, this. is it.

See you. Bye. And got really emotional. It was like 10 years in New York. So there's like a numerical effect, which I think is always interesting.

That's science. It is. It's like a completion. Because in Punjabi weddings, my friend Komal told me, and I started to cry when she told me, obviously, she was like, no, because you know how funerals in Western cultures, everyone's in black, everyone's like very sad. I always have wanted to create a cool funeral playlist, like a very happy one, where I want it to be a celebration.

And I feel like in Indian weddings, and particularly Punjabi culture, it's more of a celebration than like a mourning. I mean, there is mourning, but there's also a celebration. Wait, for the funerals or the weddings? The funerals. Okay.

Because you said weddings a couple of times. Did I say weddings? Yeah. I'm out of it. I think you're conflating the two, because it is the death of your soul.

Yeah. That's how I view. That's a Freudian slip. So basically, Komal was like, it's a completion. A funeral is like, you've completed this life and now you're moving on to...

And then I started to cry because I was like, oh, I'm complete. What a wonderful time that I've had. I've moved to this country where I didn't know anybody, met people who became really like family. And then I have family here too. New chapter.

New chapter, new characters, new season, new writers. I love all of that. Now I'm realizing it might be Hindu weddings and not Punjabi. So if it's Hindu, we'll take it out. No, we're keeping...

You don't understand how this show is going to work. I'm keeping everything, all the mistakes, because that's life. It's a show where it's just the mistakes. It's just the stuff we want to take out and we leave it. And we leave it in.

Isn't that life? Yeah, it is. Okay. But Punjabis, I think, are Hindu. Hindu is the religion.

Punjabi is a area, Punjab. Right. So the people from there are Punjabi, but they're probably Hindu, or some might be Christian. I don't know. My secret knowledge does come out sometimes.

I can't really hide it. But this actually is very relevant, because recently I had to go to a memorial. My friend's mother passed. And I realized before, do I wear black? I think I'm supposed to wear black.

Are there speeches? Is there food? And I realized I've never been to one of these. No way. Yes.

And I've only been to one, knock on wood, funeral in my life. What? Yeah. And no memorials. And it is not part of Indian culture at all.

I mean, people in my family have passed, but we're not doing that. And then I wondered, what do we even do? I mean, there's no burials. Everyone's cremated. Okay.

And my dad's mother is dead, but I don't think he like went there to do something. for Were you there around when she passed? I was little. Yeah. But she lived in India.

Okay. So you didn't go to the wedding. Oh, my God.

No, but can I tell you? So I have the reverse experience, where I can count, on one hand, the amount of weddings I've been to. Not a lot. Funerals? Funerals?

Weddings? No. Weddings. I've been to like maybe six weddings in my life. And before the age of 14, I'd been to 10 funerals.

I have been to so many funerals. Really? I know how to funeral. I could be your funeral wing person. And I think it's a mix of things.

When I was really young, my sister's best friend died of chicken pox. Like suddenly. Yeah. Very, very sudden death. And my sister was in the fifth grade and I was in the second grade.

Also in fifth grade? Yes. Oh, my. And we would take the bus every day together. What?

And she just, yeah, got chicken pox. Is that because of Canada's health care? It's not about Canada. Don't turn it into a Canadian thing. I'm sorry, but I've just never-.

No, now, kids, they don't even get chicken pox anymore. Yeah, they don't. There's a vaccine. Yes. But at the time, again, we were encouraged, you get it and then you don't.

Of course. We all got it. Yes. But there are some rare cases that have complications, and it's one of those crazy, rare, yeah. Oh, that's awful.

And I also think that my parents just have, it's like a habit of going to funerals. I remember being at funerals of the parent of someone and we just would go. We just were like, yeah, that's really sad for this person. You like funeral crash? Oh, no, no.

You looked in the newspaper to see what's funerals- That's not it. today. Let's go. No, no, no. We didn't take it that far.

But it's such a common experience and something everyone can understand, like losing someone. And it's so devastating that I would kind of go into a random funeral and just be there to honor that life. and if it's helpful. I don't know. Okay.

It's really sweet. It's probably not. It's very sweet. But I'm just wondering if I was throwing a funeral- Throwing? Is that a thing?

Are there funeral throwers? Probably. If I was hosting a funeral. Hosting? I don't know what you say.

I don't think that's the word. Having. I think it's just having. Okay. I don't think it's like a positive, uplifting- Well, we could make it that.

You're right. You're right. You're right. If I was hosting a funeral party- I like that. And I sent out the invites.

And then people came, okay? And I looked and I thought, who's that? I don't remember inviting that person. And then I went up and I said, oh, hi, I'm Monica, I'm hosting this. How did you know Rob?

Rob's dead in this. Okay. Rob is- It's Rob's funeral. It's Rob's funeral. It'd be kind of weird that I'm hosting Rob's funeral.

But I am good at hosting. Yeah. I would want- Oh, no. So that's why you're hosting. Oh, no.

Oh, my God. That's really sad. See, would you go to that funeral? even if you didn't know who they were? I feel like I would go.

No. I think that's disrespectful to just like pop in, where everyone knows each other and they know the life of Rob and Rob's funeral. I don't even like- I don't want to- I don't like this. Okay. I'm knocking on wood again.

Okay. My friend Barry, okay? Okay. I'm hosting for my friend Barry. Let's role play.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Hi, I'm Monica. I'm hosting this funeral.

Welcome. Do you like the decorations? I want to take back the premise of this because it wouldn't be like, oh, there's a funeral. Let's check it out. But again, I have been to funerals of people I've never met, but it was like the sibling or the parent of someone that I knew.

I understand that. And in that case, yeah, I didn't know Grandma Teresa. Yes. But- There is a person there that you are supporting. I wouldn't actively seek out funerals, but I also think that I could enjoy the experience of mourning life, even if I didn't know who the person was, because life is life.

That's really beautiful. It's so early to be talking about funeral crashing. That's crazy. Okay. So you've barely been to any weddings.

I've been to so many weddings. Well, no one gets married in Quebec. We just buy condos and have kids. So you know a lot of people who are not married, but with children. So many.

My best friend Kat's parents have been together for 35 years. It's her boyfriend. My parents got married at the courthouse. It's just not a big wedding culture. Right.

And so I don't have an aversion to weddings, but I feel weird about it. sometimes. It feels like a weird performance. Wow. I love them.

I feel very life-affirmed at weddings. Life is beautiful. Okay. Love is beautiful. Really, a lot of it is seeing the two families.

Yes. I like that part. And not just the families, but it's everyone in this person's life is here. Yeah. Everyone in this person's life is here.

And all of these people have contributed to getting this person here. Weddings are just so happy. Wow. You're mixed messes. You love funerals and you hate weddings.

Okay. It's like I find airports more romantic than a wedding. People saying goodbye at the airport, like you'll see... And that's like a quote. You'll see so much more sincere I love you's at an airport terminal than in a church.

And funerals to me are like such a deeper expression of love. There's no performance. It's the opposite. You don't want to be there. You wish you weren't doing this.

And so there's something very like, real and raw about it. There is. You're right. And beautiful. It makes sense.

You enjoy crying much more than me. Do you enjoy sadness? I think I have an issue. I think I enjoy nostalgia too much. I need to like work on that.

Well, no. Unless it's causing you harm. Are you a nostalgic person? I used to be and I did have to detach. Yeah.

It was becoming almost pathological. Like it was becoming unhealthy for me to be living in this sort of melancholy longing space for a time I'm never going to get back. And also it kind of manifested in weird ways. Like I had this period where I was obsessed with taking pictures. I think it was because, like, we have to save this memory and capture it.

And it just then I like wasn't having fun at the parties. And it was a fear of losing that moment. I think. so. Yeah.

It's like, oh, I got to capture this, or else it will be gone forever. Where do you think that's from? That fear of loss? Yeah. That's so old.

Which again is ironic because, as we just said, so much wood knocking. Get used to it. I have had very little loss. I've been extremely same lucky. Well, no.

You had 10 funerals by the time you- I know, but no one actually in my, I mean, my grandmother, grandparents. Oh yeah, these are just the crashes. Yeah. But I've been very lucky too. Yeah.

Healthy family, friends. I know. And so, almost because of that, perhaps I had no connection to that feeling, and it is so scary. The idea of it is so astronomical. I feel like I would never overcome it.

So I live with a lot of fear. Also, I just live with a lot of fear because my parents have so much fear. And we talked about this the other day. When I was home, most recently, thinking of the airport, I got to the airport and I just shook my head and patted myself on the back, said, you've come so far in the fear department specifically because they are so scared of everything. And I think a lot of people would say that about me, which is why I felt like now I've just been gas lit by all these people because they have no idea what I've accomplished from where I came from.

Okay, this weird thing happened. I might have to cut it because it's embarrassing. By proxy. Okay. We went to this restaurant, my family, the four of us, in a hip-ish part of Atlanta to cater.

Shout out. And it's a bit far from my house. and then Atlanta traffic's awful. So it took us over an hour to get there. I could feel my dad getting anxious because of the traffic.

I was like, it's fine. They know we're coming. They know we're going to be a little late. It's not a big deal. And then he's like, I knew we shouldn't have come at this time.

I'm like, what else are we doing? What else? And then I get in that tone, that like mean kid tone. And then we can't really find parking because of course it's a hip area. So there's going to not be a parking lot and you have to park on the street.

And my dad, this, starts to park. It was a huge spot. So he could have parallel parked, but also he could just go right in. And so he was like, should I parallel park? And we were like, no.

My brother and I said, no, just go in. And like, we kind of, again, have that sort of mean voice. Yeah. And so I think he kind of panicked and went in so fast at a weird angle. It was just like scraping the rim of his car.

Well, he just wouldn't stop. He was just continuing to move forward. My brother and I are just staring at each other with mouths agape. And I scream, dad, stop. Like he's a child.

And I said, let me do it. And I made everyone get out of the car and I parked it. I know. I've done that for someone before. But for a parent, I feel really guilty.

This is the first time I've said it out loud. People are bad at parallel parking, though. I think my dad is extremely tough. And I don't believe him to have any feelings of humiliation ever. That is humiliating, what I did to him.

I don't think he processed it like that, because I don't think he's that type of person. But I think I might be protecting myself by saying he's just not that type of person. He's sat on the curb, sad, watching you. Oh, no. What if you had been a man, though?

Is it the fact that you're his daughter? If Neil did it. Oh, that's a good question. Do you think he would be as bad? Because I feel like that changes it a bit.

Maybe that his little girl has to parallel park. But again, I'm projecting this on him. He didn't say anything. And that's why it's extra sad, because he did just get out and let me do. it.

Sounds like maybe you should call him and ask him if it made him sad. No, no. I don't want him ever to think about that ever again. Or maybe that's not even sad. Maybe that was like, I don't want to do it anymore.

Or he raised a tough daughter. Yeah. Right. Who really is good at driving. I don't think he thought that in the moment.

I mean, I don't know. I don't know how to drive. But I feel like if you're in a position where things are going badly, it might just be a relief for him. And none of the sadness or embarrassment. Maybe that's what you're projecting.

That's nice. Oh, we have a visitor. Oh, no. We have a dad. Just in time to hear a horrible story that you're going to judge me for bad.

Oh, my God.

Oh, no. Well, the experiment's complete.

I'm sure. Okay, Monica. It's probably all over my shirt.

He got a little sensitive about the fact that I brought it up. Go ahead, tell her. He didn't have control over it. He pooped in the bed in an orgy. Okay.

Went out.

Now, there was no swappy swap, but it was a very heightened, kind of 70s Playboy experience. It was wonderful. They then got hungry because they were not doing as much cocaine as I was. It's a suite, and I'm putting that in quotes. The hotel room was a suite, but really, it was like, the bed's here and the couch you're sitting on right now.

That's about the gap. They were in that little couch looking that way, eating this breakfast they had ordered to the room at 8 a.m. I'm now sitting on the bed still. I might be having a cigarette or something. This is post-coital.

I think, I just have to fart just the tiniest bit. They're very far. Well, they're not very far away, but they're far enough away that I'm just going to test to make sure that it's odorless.

This is totally fine. I'm going to let a little more out. Then step two, and then you close it, wait around. This is a safe way to determine whether there's going to be something offensive.

You'll have an idea. No. I'm going to stop you right there. You can't test for sound.

Did you bring the sheets in here? That's what you do. You just like gaslight. Well, holomonic.

And then I decide, oh God, this is as bad as you asking your buddy if she had puked.

And when I was young and partied and I went to New York, I knew some of these promoters. And you would go to clubs and you'd get free everything. And then they'd drive you around and they knew who had drugs. And so, yes, I knew the dude, but no, I didn't know him. well.

Okay.

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You have nothing to lose.

I feel like I'm proud of you. I feel like you are very intrepid and resourceful. That's my takeaway.

This leads me to what I really want to talk about today.

No, because I find this extremely fascinating, and I do think this is the second episode of our show. And I think it's going to be a through-line throughout for both of us. Okay. Where we are very smart. You're too smart.

And what I really want to be clear about is it's not hypocrisy. It's what we all do, which is we have a set of values and beliefs and what we know the way the world should be. However, the reality of the world doesn't always add up to the way the world should be, and there's often conflicting pieces there. Again, for all of us. For me, majorly, too.

My therapist always says, let's try to do this so that your actions match your beliefs or your values. Knowing that often they don't, and that's why you have to actually make a huge effort to do that.

That's what makes humans fascinating, is the tension and contradiction and the challenges.

I was so convinced of the way that I thought that I was and of the way that I thought other people were. And systems, right? Like, I don't think I'm the only one. It's all in the sort of air of this moment, of everyone has their own reality that's reinforced in all these different ways. But I think it's good to reflect on our contradictions.

Yeah. Originally, I wanted to name this podcast Mr. Jones off of the movie Burnt that Bradley Cooper stars in. He's a chef. in that movie.

He plays a very Anthony Bourdain type character. And he's a dick. I mean, he's awful. He, like, shoves this girl across the kitchen. Sienna Miller.

By all accounts, a bad dude. And I am watching this movie.

And it's hot. And I got so angry with myself during this when I was watching it, because I thought, Why do I like him? He's awful. To me, that was an example of this, right? Where I know that this is a bad dude.

He's hurting women. He doesn't give a shit. He's so entitled. And that is not a person I should ever want to be with.

Oh, my God. But, yes.

Do you feel like that about women? I feel like guys have that with women, too. Like women that they're attracted to or women that they want to, and they're like, This doesn't align.

Which, if you distill that even further, it's really just the most fundamental thing, which is, if you know everything about me, you won't love me. I'm not worthy of love if you know all about me. And then we dress it up as like the economic model of it, that your livelihood's on the line. So that becomes a justification that feels very real and defendable. But really, at the core, it's the same thing everyone's struggling with nonstop, which is, if you actually looked at all of me, you would run away from me.

And in my experience, that fear is just that. It's a fear. And in fact, all the things that I'm afraid you'll hate about me, probably you'll like about me.

I don't think there's anything wrong with being attracted to the kind of guy that you're like, this isn't who I would want to marry. But that's not also who you want to marry, and that's not probably who you're going on dates with. And there's a difference between a preference and making life decisions to read.

But not for the other application.

But our innate selves sometimes betray us, and I think we're going to explore that. But I don't see it as a betrayal. I really don't. And I think that's actually like an old version of me was like, that's bad. and anything in sex that's like aggressive or dominating or playing into any kind of power dynamic, that's patriarchy.

I don't think that's true at all. And I think that's the most feminist thing you can do is be free to explore all of that. I think thinking that there's something wrong with wanting that in a sexual way might be what you want to like. think about, because I don't think that's what you want in a long term. And maybe we can think about.

is it bad if a woman wants that in a long term relationship. I don't know. Can we judge her? But I think, yeah, there's like a sexual component for you for that, and I think that's a great thing for you to explore. And tons of women want to be thrown around in bed and like be handled in a certain way.

And that's, I think, a positive thing to know that and to explore that with someone who's respectful and doesn't throw you around when you're eating breakfast next day, you know, that contains it in a certain environment. Yeah. Well, the reason I brought this up is now I kind of forget. But you said something to him.

I am. You are? No, I fully mean that. Okay. I don't want to tell the story.

It's not like great.

And like slept over this guy's place. I just started dating. Wearing his boxers. Right. He goes for a shower and I do the test.

I'm like, I'm just going to let one little.

And I was like, same thing. We're like, oh, my God. This is the worst. I'm in his apartment. I can't go anywhere.

Yeah, that's horrifying. And I was like, take off the boxers. Put them in your bag. Never. Yeah.

And the fact that I figured it out and that he never knew. Yeah. I was like very proud of myself. Yes. And so that's what I mean.

Yeah. Where I'm like, and it's shame and it's, you know, humiliation. And that you're able to be like, I figured it out and, like problem, solved it without going into a bad behavior or other coping mechanism that would be negative. Like you just figured it out. And that's what I mean by.

I'm proud.

I am proud of you. About the boxer? Yes. Yeah. I think you handled that perfectly.

Okay. I'm very sorry that happened to you.

So it isn't a very effective technique. But you're right. Once every five years, you're hiding some boxers in your purse.

But it starts cramping.

I've never been allowed to fart.

But there's something about going to the bathroom or stuff that is embarrassing. I just was very scared of embarrassment. Obviously. Obviously, with the puke in the bed.

No.

It's not about that.

Yeah. And we're best friends. So let's let it rip.

See?

How have you worked on the skill? For people who are listening, who want-.

That's right. And it aches. Yes.

Do you burp a lot, Liz?

Same. I also don't really burp. I wish I could, though, because I feel like I have more farts, because I can't burp. I feel like things only can come out one way.

Sure. What about in the middle of the night? So I have done that. Okay, at sleepovers. I wait till everyone's asleep.

Okay. How do you know? And then you do fart whatever farts you have from the day, and you make it so that it doesn't smell by wrapping yourself so heavily in comforters.

Mika, are you asleep?

Sarah, are you asleep?

It doesn't sound like that.

Things are being roasted and simmered. On that evening, how many farts throughout the night?

Hey, guys. Now we're starting to victim shame, I think. You took us down this road.

So that's normal. So maybe that's why. Maybe I'm just pooping more. It comes out when you're pooping? Maybe.

And morning, right?

Sound off in the comments.

Sound off in the comments. But I think we could make it least embarrassing as possible. So I think in the comments, you would just say M&R, Monica and Rob, or you'd say L&D, and you're basically just declaring which version you are.

Now I really took a turn.

Help. First of all, no, you're not a weirdo. So far, you're in good company with other weirdos. Obviously, I have opinions on this, because I go down so many. You do, too.

Yeah. Who? Very few select people.

Yes, the MTV award kiss that we found out that they were dating. I've gone down the rabbit hole, even though it happened 12 years ago. at this point. You revisit it sometimes. Yeah, I revisit it.

It's very calming to me and soothing. And I'm like, why am I watching this crusty video? I have a theory about why it's getting worse. It's kind of been out there, like parasocial relationships. Exactly.

We're spending more time away from our friends and our real life interactions. And so these virtual connections just become that much more like couples that you hardly know. Yes, you're like, they're not posting photos anymore. I got to go on a deep dive and figure out what happened in their relationship, even though you don't know who they are, or barely. And you get very interested in people that you don't know.

And fantasy. You project a lot onto these people about what your life could be like if they were in your life. I think that's a big part of this. sometimes is, if I had their life, or if I was somehow in their life, I would feel like this. I would be so happy or I would get to have this banter with them, or they're so funny.

I mean, look, I did this with Kristen. And so I have a very full circle of having watched videos of her and was obsessed with Veronica Mars thinking, oh my gosh, I could be her best friend. I know it, because I understand her. We're the same, like the way we talk. And then that happened.

Then we had a real relationship, which is so different.

You can't know that. So I can't tell her to just say, well, I know that the reality wouldn't match up. I think she has to do some practical things like go to dinner with a friend. If it's starting to get really deep, force yourself to have an actual connection with a person in your life, as opposed to this kind of fake one.

What's the objective wreckage from this obsession? Are you not present when you're talking to your partner? Are you not present with your kids? Are you distracted at work? If these things are happening, then yeah, maybe this is something, but also, maybe lighten up on yourself.

Maybe it's fine that you daydream about this person. You know, in AA, a common saying is like, find someone who's got what you want and ask them how they got it. And that could be a million different things. It could be being a good parent. It could be that they have a cool car.

It could be that they're financially, whatever the thing is you want that someone has, ask them how they got it. Learn from them.

Learn from them and learn how to take it too. I haven't requested someone from a TV show that I've watched in at least a year and a half to be on Armchair Expert. And I came, I was like, we got to get this girl. I'm obsessed. She's such a wish fulfillment.

She seems to have zero codependency, which all of us carry a ton of. So that's aspirational. That's great. That might be. why you like her is that she moves through the world without saying sorry.

And she's driven and has purpose. And she doesn't really give a fuck what the fallout from that is. Maybe that's what you're obsessed with. Maybe that is a great characteristic you need to be aiming for. A lot of my thoughts would just be like, maybe don't worry so much that this is happening unless there's actual, discernible wreckage.

Any compulsion to do something might be bad. But then you also go like, you got a lot of hours to fill in the day. Some kind of compulsive thinking. If it's not about that, what's it going to be about? Food?

Is it going to be about your diet? That's your brain. Maybe it's a safe one.

And to an extent, that's fine. But you can't let that get out of control, because you do have to live in your reality. Even with Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams, there was a point where I was like, why is this so comforting to me? And I was like, oh, because that's the kind of relationship I would want. This very raw, and again, romanticized and made up from my perspective, 100%.

Why is that a fantasy that I escape to? What am I avoiding? Being curious, actually, instead of indicting ourselves. Judgmental of ourselves. Yeah, I go to that so much and I'll just be like, oh, this is so bad that I'm doing this.

And I'm like, wait, what if I approach this just by asking questions as opposed to coming in with self-judgment? Not only could she learn something about it, it doesn't mean that she'll stop necessarily, or it'll dramatically decrease the amount of time that she spends doing it. But at least she'll learn about herself through it.

Real intimate relationships do. So. it is important to make sure that it's balanced. Yeah. All right.

Well, let's do one more, or maybe two. We'll see how fast we can get through. This is from Corey. What perspective advice can you give to a single dad re-entering the world of dating? I'm a 31-year-old father of an 8-year-old boy and moved to a new state in order to continue to co-parent with my son's mother, now ex-wife.

It has been a challenge feeling comfortable in the dating world again, especially with a relatively older son given my age. And a big challenge with that has been navigating emotional vulnerability with different women I've been romantically involved with. While I understand having a child and not being married can easily lead to the question of, quote, what happened, it's been hard to separate healthy emotional connection and trauma dumping at times. What are some recommendations for navigating that well? And what type of things are important for me to consider and understand from the point of view of a woman I enter into a romantic relationship with as a single dad?

When I was like 31 or 30, our friend set us up. I was like, oh, divorce, two kids. Like, it was not like a turn on. But at the time, I was like, okay, I'll go on a date with him. And it adds complications to a relationship, for sure.

And like there are a lot of other people in the relationship, you know, who are involved in the relationship. But he was the most responsible, generous planner. And he had two daughters. There's just like another level of reflection and understanding and caring. And I even think like nurturing, that comes with being a father.

Like there's something that's more important than you. So not that all dads are necessarily perfect and don't have egos. But I think that there is like a little bit, not an ego death, but definitely like a knocking down of it. And so I think it actually makes you appealing to women. He's straight, right?

He's dating women. And yeah, I view it as like a total plus.

And then how does that pattern ultimately always play out for people that have that pattern?

There's a lot of dynamics that go on in these.

And in the end, actually, I wanted more, and it wasn't happening.

It's not like on the first date you have to divulge all of the information. They're not entitled to that. Vulnerability, right, is this buzzword. And I think it's great that we're all talking about it more, but vulnerability doesn't mean saying everything. Because, even like, I don't know if I want to talk about your ex-wife, like on our first date anyway.

And maybe, if it ends up coming up, I don't think that's an appropriate sort of time to be sharing all of this. Like you share it with a friend and talk about all of the difficulties. or maybe, once you've been on more dates and you've established your connection, more. But yeah, I think it's weird. We think we owe everyone.

And if we're not sharing all this information, we're not being vulnerable. And it's like, no, there's appropriate moments to share and appropriate information to be sharing with appropriate people. Yeah. And I think if you're on a date with either someone who's recently divorced or has a kid, it's important for you to remember. Just like if you went on a date with a single person, you wouldn't say, so, tell me about your exes immediately.

Like there's something about someone divorced or someone with a kid that you feel.

I'm just like, oh, she can't shut the fuck up about this guy. Clearly, this is unresolved. That, to me, is a red flag. If you're on a date with someone, you can't shut the fuck up about your ex, I don't want to be on a date with that person.

So again, if you find yourself going, well, she just was so unavailable emotionally. And then she never, she always, she had this friendship with her boss that was like, oh, great. So nothing, you're clear on this.

Because that's the part that could be ugly or unattractive.

Oh, my God. All right. Well, this was super fun and we'll be back next week.