A Christmas Gift to My Ex Boyfriends [VIDEO]

Ho ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho ho.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

It's the most wonderful time of the year. There'll be kids jingle-belling and hearts will be swelling when loved ones are here.

Hey daddy gang, come cozy up, sit by the fire, pour yourself some hot cocoa. Santa's here, Santa, I know him. Listen, everyone can think back and remember that truly, truly horrible, traumatic, life-altering moment when we all found out that Santa wasn't fucking real. I pray to God.

No, daddy gang member's like, Santa's not real. Yes, bitch, I'm Santa. Okay, let me tell you about the time that I figured out Santa wasn't real. It all started with my fucking bitch of a sister.

Just kidding, Love you. My sister's older than me, four years older, and I remember I'm sitting on the school bus coming home. It was the last day before Christmas break. And I am just young, thugging and getting it. And I am just like, Oh my god, Santa is gonna pop off this year. I am so on the nice list. I'm such not a naughty little bitch.

Like, I've done everything right, I wrote my list. The North Pole has it. God is good, Santa is gonna come through.

And I'm talking about this to my friend on the school bus. And my sister turns around in her big scene, she turns around and she's like, By the way, Alex Santa's not real. You realize it's dad, right?

Sorry, what? sorry, no, Catherine. I had no fucking idea that Santa wasn't real. You guys. In that moment. The hatred that I had for not just her, but for every single person, that eventually ruins the concept of Santa being Santa. It really made me upset and depressed.

If you're watching this in video, you'll know that I look like an insane person. I'm in a Santa costume. If you're not watching this in video and you're driving to work or you're at work, just know I'm dressed as Santa. Okay, this is officially the last episode of Call Her Daddy before we come back for the New Year. So I'm gonna go and you guys are all gonna have fun.

You're gonna celebrate Christmas, you're gonna celebrate Hanukkah, you're gonna be with your family, you're gonna be with friends, you're gonna be with family.

Maybe you're alone, whatever you are choosing to do. We are gonna kick off the holiday season together right here, right now. Obviously, I know Santa doesn't fucking exist now. Thank you Catherine. But what I will say is I'm essentially over here, kind of having a rebirth because I am marrying....

Oh my god.

I am marrying a Jewish man, I love my Jewish boy, okay?

It has been so fun to see Matt experience Christmas for basically the first time, in Christmas traditions for the first time. And you best believe that I am force feeding him, forcing him to experience all of this. Spending all night driving around different neighborhoods to scout out the best Christmas lights this year, check. I've made him do it.

Making those little sugar cookies with the colored frosting that no one ever eats and they're actually kind of disgusting. Check, Absolutely. We're doing it. Putting reindeer food out in the front yard. While obsessively following Santa's movement on the Santa tracker and putting out cookies for Santa, even though Matt is Santa. This year. Yeah, you bet your ass, we're doing it.

I also love that this Santa that I'm living with is just a wee bit different than the Santa that I grew up with. Love you dad, but this Santa in my life now. He loves diamonds, he loves jewelry, he loves expensive shit.

I don't know if anyone else can relate to this, but I have such vivid memories of stalking the shit out of that Santa tracker growing up. There was like a website, I guess, I don't know if it was just a Pennsylvania thing, but we would look up where Santa was. And his movements would be like, he's in Asia, he's in South America, he's hit the U.S. Oh my God, he's coming down the chimney. And it would be, Let me tell you guys about my Christmas tradition.

So on Christmas Eve I would be in church, we went to church every Christmas Eve. My mom would make my sister and I wear matching hideous plaid red and black jumpers with tights on and little ballet flats, and my sister and I would go matching. And then my brother had his little suit on and my whole family would go to church.

And all of a sudden, the priest would announce that, per the tracker, Santa had officially crossed into the Pennsylvania border. And I, being the biggest Christmas enthusiast of all time, would then be on the verge of a mental fucking breakdown. I was so convinced at this age that if we didn't haul ass home and immediately tuck ourselves into bed, that Santa would skip over our house and we would miss Christmas forever. And I took that shit seriously, it was so fucking annoying.

I'd be like, pulling on my mom's dress, Mom, I don't care about Jesus right now. We gotta get home for Santa. My mom's like, Yeah, yeah, you'll fucking listen to the gospel and shut the fuck up.

That's not really how it went down, but on call her daddy, it sounds better that way. I'm like, Mom, I love Jesus and I love God. Is it time for Santa yet? I don't want to miss my presents.

And my mom would be like, he won't miss us, sweetie, he's coming, okay. And one of the best parts that I realize now. Like, I love creating those traditions with my family. But now I'm realizing I have my own version of my own family now, right? Like I have my family that I grew up with, and now Matt and I are creating our own memories.

And my favorite part right now of being engaged to essentially a Christmas virgin is that we're getting to watch all of the iconic Christmas movies for the first time together. Because, lucky for me, Daddy Gang Matt hasn't seen any fucking Christmas movie besides Elf Will Ferrell. You're an icon, you're a legend and I love you and that movie is perfect, but even people that, like, don't celebrate Christmas have seen that movie. Okay, I'm talking OG.

Okay, daddy gang, this man has never seen the Santa Claus movie with Tim Allen.

I'm sorry, even if you don't celebrate Christmas, I hope you've fucking seen that. And if you haven't seen that movie immediately, please click out of this episode and go watch. Well, maybe wait till the episode is finished, but you know what?

I take that back. Santa Claus is more important than this episode. go watch Tim Allen be the Santa Claus. So the fact that I'm getting to pop Matt's Christmas cherry on so many fun traditions is just giving me life.

Like, I'm really in the Christmas spirit. I was cracking the fuck up the other day. I'm watching Matt attempt to string Christmas lights on our tree. He's never put lights on a tree, He's never had a fucking Christmas tree, okay?

Daddy gang, this man was struggling. And it's also kind of the cutest thing because his family is Jewish and his entire family like. They scheduled to visit to come over to see our tree, because they've never had a tree. And they're like, Oh my god, this is so fun, like you guys are going to have. You're the only house that has a tree right now because Matt has other siblings, they're all Jewish.

They married Jewish. I'm the outlier and I'm bringing the tree. But Matt isn't the only one experiencing new traditions this holiday season, even though he's going to be out of town by the time. It's like, I think the last night of Hanukkah is on. His family is celebrating on the 18th, and I'm going to go over to his family's house to celebrate Hanukkah with them, even though he's not going to be there. Something I realized is it's such a fabulous feeling when you get to the point of your relationship, where you can hang out with your partner's family without them being there. And you're not self-conscious or nervous about trying to impress them, it's like, I feel like I've essentially gained a second family.

I'm officially a Christmaka bitch. Do you guys ever watch the O.C, My favorite show in the world? The O..C? Seth Cohen and Ryan Atwood were Ryan celebrated Christmas and Seth celebrated Hanukkah, and so they coined it Christmaka. Well, I am a Christmaka household, and I'm a proud Christmaka household. Okay, we've got our fucking menorah and we've got our tree.

Merry fucking Christmaka anyways, daddy gang.

What else is this? Currently? The season of the season of gift giving, so if you're listening to this, hopefully you found the perfect gift for that special someone by now. And if you haven't, well, sounds like you're fucked, but I'm not okay.

This year, Matt and I agreed that we're not gonna be doing gifts this year, so I'm thankfully off the hook. We're just gonna be spending the holidays traveling. So we said that our gift to each other is like the flights and the hotels and all of that. The problem is is, I'm married to a sneaky little bitch, okay?

We have done this before, where we have looked each other in the eyes and we have said we're gonna travel. Babe, no gifts this year And what does Matt do? He has the audacity come December 25th to hand me a gift. And then I'm the fucking asshole that didn't get Matt a gift because we agreed we weren't doing fucking gifts.

Matt, I love you so much, but you make me look so bad every single year. But this year I was sitting and thinking about it. Because he's been gone and I'm like, okay, like, do I get him a gift? do I not get him a gift? Because I know he's gonna get me a gift? Even though we said we're not gonna get each other gifts, but do I like, what do I do?

I'm holding my ground. Okay, I know that motherfucker is gonna pull out the same exact move. I love how I'm like, pretending like, I'm, oh, it's so annoying. Love it. It's gonna be like some cute little jewelry or something.

But we said we're not getting gifts, and Matt's the hardest person to get a gift for. Okay, so I'm going to do an immaculate job internally, within myself, set some boundaries. And I'm not gonna let myself feel that guilt that I have felt in the past. When I'm empty handed and this man gives me a diamond necklace, we had a deal and you broke it, Matt, and that's on you. I love how I'm trying to convince myself that I'm not gonna feel guilty, I know I'm gonna feel like a fucking piece of shit.

But objectively, and I don't know if any other woman watching this feels this way. Guys are so fucking hard to get gifts for, girls are so easy, get us any type of jewelry, get us a fucking spa thing, get us a gift card to Sephora.

Get us some clothes, like, it's pretty simple. What does a man need? Another pair of khakis, No.

You don't need them, actually throw them the fuck out. Okay, I don't know what to get Matt ever. I need to show, share you guys.

I'm thinking about this and it's bringing back, I'm kind of getting triggered, so I don't know if I've ever told this story, I think I had. The absolute worst guilt that I have probably ever felt was a couple years ago. During this Christmas time. And I was spending it with Matt and it was a disaster, so Matt and I were spending Christmas in London. And this was kind of at the beginning of our relationship. But we definitely were at a place where it was official, like we were both not saying it, but we knew like we are definitely boyfriend and girlfriend.

Now that I think back, like, I don't think Matt and I ever were like, Do you want to be my girlfriend? do you want to be my boyfriend? It was just kind of like, Oh, we're not talking to anyone else like, this is a real thing. So we're in London together and Matt and I go to the countryside of London. And I felt like I was in the holiday movie.

Like, it couldn't have been more romantic. We go to two different places. This is also the time that the Reddit people tried to call the cops on me. That was a whole other story. Oh my god.

Fast forward. We're in London and we're trying to have a great time. I don't get arrested, which is perfect, and we're having the most incredible time. Like, I'm not a convict, I'm thriving. We're literally. Honestly, it made our trip that much better.

Like, we're like, Oh, we like, we're thriving. And so Matt and I are sitting and we have this little cottage and there's like horses outside that are just roaming free. Like, we're just literally in the countryside. And it's beautiful, and it's Christmas, and Matt pulls out the most beautiful diamond necklace.

And I'm like, Thank you so much, like this is so so gorgeous and thank you.

And that was it, and I did not give him a gift, and I just smiled through the pain. And in my brain, I had a gift on the way. I had a gift that I had been working on and putting so much effort into, but it wasn't done. But I didn't tell him this.

So he's just like, Okay, like, what the fuck? And I now look back and I'm like, this poor man was like, Are you like, is she going to give me a gift? and so I didn't give him a gift. Fast forward, we get back to Los Angeles like a couple days later, and he's just acting kind of weird.

Like, he's just been in kind of a weird mood. And I finally go up to him. And I'm like, Matt, like, what is wrong with you? And oh my God, it makes me like, sad to this day. He gets tears in his eyes and Matt looks at me. And he was like, Are you in this? and I was like, What? and he's like, Are you in this as much as I'm in this?

Because I'm not fucking around like, I'm so in love with you and I want to spend what I think is the rest of my life with you. And like, and I'm like, of course, like, we've talked about, like, what, Matt? And he goes, Alex, you didn't even get me a card for Christmas.

And I'm like.

Oh my fucking God, I am the devil walking on earth, I am the biggest piece of shit. But let me just clear my name. I was working on a gift and I had such anxiety about giving him this perfect gift that I didn't want to say like, your gift is coming like I.

Just I don't know why. I didn't want to tell him that, but whatever. So he thought I literally wasn't even thinking about him, I didn't get him anything. So I'm going to finish this story because it all comes full circle and I don't look as big of an asshole. But I almost cried in that moment. I felt like such a big piece of shit.

So, daddy gang, we always like to tie things into lessons here. What can we learn from my mistakes? And from the story is that? It is hurtful when you don't get your significant other a gift and then you never even address it. Like, I could have, at least, like I said, said, like, it's coming, don't worry, it's in the process.

It's taking super long. At least he would have known something's coming. So I would say, if you're feeling overwhelmed going into the holidays about gift giving, you should just talk to your partner, is my advice. There is nothing worse than feeling like you're completely missing the mark with your gift because you don't know what to expect from your partner.

We have all been there, you're building up whatever they got us in our head. We're like, Oh my God, they must be getting me something like this. And then you're out there buying something completely insane, trying to compete with it. When, in reality, if you just talked about it, you may find that you're also both struggling. Or even if they're not like, they'll make you feel better.

So if your gift is taking longer than expected, say something if you're feeling a little insecure that you don't have much in the budget this year for a gift. Maybe you're like, Fuck, I literally can't spend money on this. Say something if you're struggling to think of a gift that they'll actually use, or they'll like, say something. Because when you don't say anything and take it from me, daddy gang, it just comes across like you.

Do not give a fuck about this person. And I know it's easy to be like, that's so fucking shallow. It's just a gift. But no, it hurts when you put a lot of thought and care into something for someone and it's not reciprocated. So if you are still lost, the route that I always suggest taking when it comes to gift giving is the sentimental route.

Okay, you guys remember, I told you I would pull the story full circle? uh-huh. Okay, you remember that?

Earlier, I said that, okay, I ended up being five months late for his Christmas gift, but let me show you why, okay.

What was it? It was? Wait, let me think about this Christmas, so December.

January, February, March, April, I was four months late. I gave this Christmas gift to him on his birthday in April, and then I didn't give him a birthday gift until, like, August, but I got Matt.

And this is what was taking so long, okay?

I was working on a book for Matt that I was spending so, so, so much time with. And I think that you guys could maybe steal a few things for me. To use for your next gift if you want to get something really sentimental for your partner. And I also just recognize that there's five days until Christmas by the time this comes out, so you know what, maybe yours will be a few months late.

But then do what I didn't do and tell them I'm working on some amazing thing. It's coming. Let me show you guys this book. Okay, so Matt has everything.

Matt, I feel like, is like the guy that he's.

I would never pick out clothes for him, I would never pick a watch out for, like, he's just he has his own style that I....

He's better tasted than me, so I'm like, I can't pick something out. So the book? At this point, we were dating for eight months, and the book has the date of the first day that we met 7-27-2020..

And then it goes till 4-14-2021.

It was going to be obviously Christmas, but we changed it to his birthday. Okay, anyways. It says volume one because I'm going to make so many more of these books, and when I say that, I'm like, in 20 years, we'll get volume two. Because clearly this takes me so fucking long to make.

And on the back, it says, I love you more than life itself. Okay, so it reads to Matthew, the past eight months have been magical. This book is the first of many to chronicle our passionate life together. Love Alex.

I feel like I'm literally doing a storybook, Oh my god, don't they do this in the mall, where, like, Santa's reading the kids a book?

So it starts with the beginning and it's our love story, and I basically write how we met together, and it takes up a couple of pages. Okay, then you open the book. And it is our Zoom meeting, and I took a screenshot of the date that our Zoom meeting was scheduled for July 16th.

I screenshot it and it says Alex Cooper with Matt Kaplan on my Gmail calendar, and it says, Hi, Alex. Matt. Kaplan is running a little behind schedule today and asking to push this back 15 minutes. Blah, blah, blah. Do you guys remember when I told you the story that Matt was late to our meeting? And so I had time to google him? And then I realized he was hot, so I quickly put on makeup and push my tits up. That is because he was 15 minutes late.

So I still have the email, and what I did is I took all these pictures and then I would write. Like, July 16th, 2020 at 5 p...m. We were set for our first Zoom call a meeting to discuss a call. Her daddy TV show you were running late. push the meeting back 15 minutes. I was bored.

So naturally, I googled, you saw you were hot, ran and changed into a tight shirt, and then was officially ready for our date. I mean, meeting after this meeting. The next page is the email, so Matt follows up with an email after our Zoom meeting with all of his employees on it.

And he goes, We making this TV show, you coming out to L.A. or what? and I said, I'm coming so sexual.

I said, Are you even going to be there? or are you going to be out of town? And he goes, Can you come on? Blah, blah, blah? I'll take you to a delish dinner? I said. A delish dinner. Dot dot dot seems like a perfectly good reason to change a flight, he said. My cell is blah, blah, blah xo.

I said, July 20th, you emailed me and asked me to get dinner. I remember not even hesitating to change my flight to make it happen. Little did we know. You also weren't going to have to leave the next day for your movie, and we were going to be in L.A. much longer than expected. So then you guys, it's literally beat by beat of our relationship. This is what I wore on our first date and this is the text message of the day that he took me on the date.

I said, Matt Kaplan, it's Alex Cooper. Assuming you're not canceling on me, let me know what our plan is. Tonight. He goes, What up ladies, still good for tomorrow. Where are you staying?

Sushi I said, the Onda's in West Hollywood. sushi sounds wonderful, he said. perfect. And so then the after dinner text after we made out in his car and made out at sushi, he just texts me at 128 a.m.

That was perfect. I said, Thank you, such a good night. I better see you Wednesday. And he put two hearts and I put a kissy face, and we were like, obsessed with each other.

And then the book essentially goes through. This was our first trip together. And so I write all of these long things of like, I put all of our pictures. But then again, it's like, April 8th at 947. Secretly and very creepily took these photos of you to send to my mother, who was asking if you were cute. I said, he's cute in person. This morning we went to get a mani and pedi together, sat in the back of the nail salon outside, listened to Michelle Obama's first podcast episode, What? And picked out bathing suits for the Hamptons trip together. Obsessed.

All of this goes through. This was our first Hamptons trip together. I don't know if you guys remember that, but I and I'm writing all this stuff. This was my birthday dinner that he took me out to got so black out. Love that for me. Oh my god, this was the funniest 4th of July party. So I go through and I take all of our pictures from our relationship and I put the date and the exact time. And I went through every single basically era of our relationship for the eight months that we did.

And it's all of these pictures together, and I'm hoping there's no nudes in here. And then it basically ends and said, Oh my God, do I want to read this? And then the last page is Happy birthday.

I said, Happy birthday Matthew. you are the most kind, thoughtful, generous, loving, talented, handsome man I've ever met. You care so deeply for the people you love and make me want to be a better person every single day. I love the way we push each other to be our best, support each other through the fun, successes, but more importantly, the hard times. You're my best friend. Meeting you this year was without a doubt the biggest blessing that's ever come into my life.

You've changed my life for the better in so many ways. I can't thank you enough for all that you do for me. I promise to always protect your heart and this relationship. You mean everything to me. Together, I know we can accomplish anything.

Go through hell and back together. Whatever it is we face, as long as we're together, we will be okay. Our relationship is enviable. We make it look easy because with you, it is today, we're celebrating you, you beautiful human.

Thank God Lisa pushed you out. That's his mother. I love you with all my heart, Matt. Love Alex. And so this whole book was worth four months.

Okay, so to everyone that started listening to my story, thinking, Oh, she's a cunt, I get it and that that is what I would think, too. But I redeemed myself and this book. Now I'm like, Fuck, I should start making the next book. Because, if anything, this is motivating me, even if it's not for Christmas.

I'm going to put no time on it. I'm going to be like, Babe, you'll get one in the next five years and hopefully I push one out. Literally. I just realized, actually, like, the moral of the story is like, I got to do less, like, I am so fucking good at giving gifts.

I got to do less, and by less. I mean, every five years Matt gets a gift, and every year I get a gift from Matt, like he keeps giving me the jewelry. I'm like, Ooh, you just wait for that five year baby. Another book comes, you know, what's so funny also is back in my athlete era. So all of my exes were convinced that I was the best gift giver in the entire world. Which I know is the complete opposite of what I just described.

And yes, I actually was, even though it was completely based in manipulation. But you know, who cares? Listen to what genius gift I would give them. So back in the day, my mom introduced me to this woman that she knew through work, and she was this incredible artist. And when I started dating Red Sox player man, I remember just being like, this man is making so much money.

He has everything he would need. How do I make myself memorable? And I kind of knew that, like our relationship was on the rocks. So I would never like, I feel like I'm always the person that would be like, never get a man a gift if he doesn't like you.

But I knew that this could possibly end in a couple months. And I wanted to get him a gift that would be so beautifully manipulative that he could never forget me. You know what I mean, guys, let's just regress a little bit right here, just because I just read you the most like, gorgeous, loving book like Alex, you're so healthy. Back to the basics.

Manipulate the fuck out of a man so he never forgets you. So, Red Sox, man, as you guys know, was 13 years older than me, was making $16 million a year and I didn't have a dollar to my name at the time in college. And so I'm like, how can I come up with something that no woman will ever have gotten him? And I come up with this genius idea. So he plays baseball and I was like, Okay, what if I get one of his teammates to get me one of his bats? And I am going to essentially write down a list of all of our inside jokes. Our nicknames for each other, the places we've been together, the food that we like to eat, like everything that is our life together.

And I'm going to have this artist basically like graffiti ink. The entire baseball bat with all of our inside jokes and everything. So I get the baseball bat from his friend and I send it to this artist. And I spend so many hours on the phone with her for like about a month. Being like, this is the inside joke. Like we had this thing with, like a monkey. I forget what the fuck that was, was that me like, hanging from the ceiling while we're fucking? I don't know. Like there was crazy shit, okay, crazy sexual shit, crazy stuff. That was just fun. And so I had this woman to a t. Paint every single inch of this bat, and by the time the bat was over, we were over. And so I was not seeing him anymore. But I'm like, I've got this bat. And so I remember. I drive to his apartment and I leave it with his doorman and I leave a little note saying Merry Christmas. Like, Wish you the best in this like, next chapter of your life or whatever. Because, like, I was over it, I think I was dating someone new at the time, whatever. But again, we always want them to be in love with us, even if we're not in love with them. You know what I mean?

I get a call from him later that night and he is like.

Alex Cooper.

I'm in shock right now and I'm like, What? And he's like, I'm sitting in my bedroom, on my bed, my family is in my living room, and I'm like.

I'm embarrassed to admit like I just started crying. I don't think anyone's ever given me a nicer gift in my life and I'm like.

He's in shock. He's like, This is the nicest thing that I've ever, ever gotten from anyone. And I'm like, Oh my God, like, I'm so happy you like it. Like, obviously we're not together anymore. But like, I just wanted. I had made it before, so I just figured you could have it whatever, fast forward. I remember it was the beginning of the Barstool days, so now this is like four years later and four years later. I've seen this man have like three other girlfriends online and everything. And I guess he was moving to a new state because he was moving teams. And I get a picture and it's his storage unit and he's like, I'm clearing everything out, but you know what's coming with me? And he sent me a picture of the bat and he's like, still to this day, like, never had anyone top this gift. Like, thinking of you, miss you and love you. And I was like, Oh, my God wish he would have said that to me, like when I was in college, because, like, I would have loved to know you loved me. But it was crazy to know that like that was so a huge part of now.

I know he probably still has it to this day, or maybe not, you know, because maybe, like, his wife was like, get rid of that fucking piece of shit anyways. On to the next. So the artist and I then had this joke because Daddy Gang didn't stop there. It got maniacal. Okay, every athlete that I dated and had like a real relationship with, so I would say three of them. I used this artist when game time came to game time and we needed to reel them in. And she would make me a fucking either. So that was a bat, the next boy was a baseball, another baseball player. And I call her, and it's like, I would say, it's like, September and I'm not shitting. I shit you not. This woman answers the phone and she goes, What athlete's next?

Because my mom had told her I broke up with Red Sox guy and I'm like, So this guy's on the Mets, we gotta ramp it up. It can't be a bat because I know that the two of he would find out that I did it for the other one. And so I had her put together his number and she drew his number and inside of his number. She created the world of New York City and all of our memories and everything together. And I framed it. And it's this huge photo that looks like his number from far away. I think you've seen pictures like this before, but when you get closer, his number is made up. Of all of our memories together, our names, our nicknames, the places we've been, everything. And so this hung up in his bedroom forever, and then door number three.

Do you guys remember Door number three? I did a similar thing for him. Did I do a bat for him? I think I did a bat for him anyways. I would call this woman up and I would say, we got another one on deck.

And what I will say is, although it was a lightly based off of manipulation, of how do I get them to fall in love? And I knew no athlete is getting a really sentimental gift from a girl. That I will say. Once I got out of that era of my life, that's how I knew. I really liked Matt was. When I was like, you know what, I'm retiring, I'm not calling the artist again. This is a new era and I can't use the same tactics and formula with Matt.

I also knew that I would probably tell the story one fucking day. And I didn't want Matt to be like, Oh, you just grouped me in with the guys that hit the balls for a living, okay, Matt deserved respect. And also the fact that I don't know, it just was meant to be that I retired that concept. And so, yeah, but that was another good one. If you find an artist to make them something really, really sentimental again, you'll get your hooks in them so easily. It's just such a good way to utilize manipulation during the holiday time. Do you know what I mean?

Anyways, something I will say is, in the past, I have been given gifts from men. But Daddy gang because we're regressing. I feel like that happens a lot in solo episodes. I used to be such a fucking asshole with exchanging gifts that men would give me.

I used to be such a fucking asshole. With exchanging gifts that men would give me, I would always work the system to trade up the gift and get something better. And the worst part is, let me tell you guys a story. I remember one time I brought the guy with me to exchange the gift that he gave me.

I really rubbed the salt in the wound and emasculated this man even more. It's Christmas time in New York and I wake up to boxes all over the bed, boxes everywhere, and I'm like, what is happening? I hadn't gotten this man a gift and he's like, open it, Merry Christmas, Alex.

I'm like, Oh my god, I love dating guys with money, this is fabulous.

I start opening the boxes one by one and it's like this Tiffany necklace. And then there's this specific to me bag. And then there's this designer, I think, Prada Jacket. And it's all these different things from all these different places. And it's not that he had bad taste, it's just I knew we could do better. You know what I mean? So I'm like, thank you, thank you, thank you so much. And then by the end of the day, I was like.

You know, I really feel like the necklace is so cute, but don't you want me to wear it? And he was like, Yeah, put it on and I'm like, but I don't know like, I just feel like, like, is it me? And he's like, Yeah, that's why I picked it out. The minute I saw it, I thought of you and I'm like.

It sounds worse when you put it like that. Okay, like, it's not, it's just we want to, okay, whatever we go to, every fucking store, daddy gang. I exchanged the necklace for a ring for my middle finger, I exchanged the Toomey bag for a roller bag. He had to put down more money. I had. I exchanged the Prada thing for, like, a full Prada outfit. It, it was I it. I look back and I'm like, Oh my god, I was such a fucking bitch. But like, this is the thing, and I think this is a very valid question. Okay, what is the protocol?

For exchanging a gift given to you by a significant other, okay, step one. I would say, don't be an asshole and emasculate him. Like, I think, what? I obviously, unless you're in your toxic days, which I was like, then by all means, like, be my guest. Make him shrivel up in a second, be like, Oh, we could do better, okay? But if you're over that phase, which I am, I would say, don't do that because.

Every woman listening to this podcast, I think we can all agree on one thing. Men are more sensitive than women. It's a fact. It's a fact. it is a fact, 100 a fact. No one can prove me wrong. Men are more sensitive than women. They just like to bottle it up. Okay, them putting themselves out there to then basically get rejected. Oh my god, he's not gonna be able to get hard for a month. There's two situations that could happen. I would say that if Matt got me some sweater or a piece of jewelry that I knew I would never wear, okay, then I think you can try to bring it up to them that you wanna return it. And I think you can actually say, Babe, I really, really love what you picked out. I'm just trying to. I wanna make sure I wear it every day or wear it as often as I do. And whether it's a piece of clothing or jewelry. You can be like, I just do you mind if we just go look and see at other things in that price range? I don't see why a guy would be upset if you do it the way I did it. Where I'm like, bring back the Toomey, bring back the Prada, bring back the Tiffany. Oh, let's go keep shopping. Like, Yeah, that's wrong, but if you're really sensitive about it, I do think there's a way. Ladies, you should not thank your boyfriend or partner or whoever for getting you something that you actually hate and will never wear. Because then they're gonna be like, why didn't you put that on? And you're like, because it's the ugliest fucking sweater I've ever seen in my goddamn life. No, go return it. However, if he had planned, let's say a special day together. And it's not something that you can put on your body, you know? Maybe he made an itinerary, maybe he picked out activities that he genuinely thinks would be meaningful, and I secretly hated it. Yeah, I think that's the moment, you gotta fucking fake it. You can't be like, Oh my God, he gets you a hot air balloon and you're like, I don't wanna do that. Or like, Can you imagine Matt's like, Babe, I know the perfect gift for you this Christmas?

We're gonna go fly fishing.

Matt would never, he would know I would be like.

I think you're gonna have to go and pick up.

The Rod.

I think you gotta put the boots on.

And I think you gotta go fly fishing, because when you actually think about it like an activity, you can't fuckin say no, I don't wanna fuckin do that. If they're so excited about it and they genuinely put so much time into it, they're like, Babe, we're gonna go do this thing, you gotta go. And it doesn't mean you have to be happy, but fuckin fake it. But if it's something that you can return, now that I'm thinking about it, I'm like, Ooh, fly fishing. Back in the day. If Matt had asked me to go fly fishing, which I don't think he would've, because I don't think Matt would even wanna go fly fishing. But let's say we go. I also think something really genius about taking a risk and going on excursions that you probably are gonna be so fuckin miserable at. It could also make you really realize if you like the person or not, right? Like if I was standing knee-deep, fly fishing, throwin my rod around and gettin after it and like, Whoosh.

Um, sounds fabulous anyways, daddy gang, let me tell you about my holiday plans this year. Because Matt and I are mixing it up a little bit, actually, we're not really mixing it up. Um, Matt and I are going to stay in town for Christmas this year because Matt's grandmother, great grandmother, No. Matt's grandmother is turning 100 years old and her birthday is on Christmas. And so ever since I met Matt, it's been like a tradition that we try to spend Christmas with her and then go do something. But this year it's her 100th birthday, which is insane.

So we're going to pop off, we're going to be having that party, we're going to be getting low. We're going to be grinding on grandmommy and it's going to be lit okay after we have Grandmommy's party. Then what we're going to do? What we're going to do is we're going to get on a plane and we're going to go ski. And I'm really excited because we're going skiing with some friends of ours and I'm just going to be in my element. Winter Wonderland. I got us a room that has a hot tub on the balcony. Ooh, there's nothing better than skiing all day, getting in the balcony, having a whiskey and having sex after skiing where you're exhausted.

Fabulous, So that's my Christmas plan, but yeah, I'm really excited. So Daddy gang, that is it for this week's episode. It's crazy because this time of year makes me reflect so much on not just like my personal life. But this show. My baby, you, my family, the daddy gang.

And I just am so excited for the New Year, I have so many episodes that I'm so excited for you guys to see. I will say the person that's kicking off the New Year is so fucking baller. I am so fucking excited and I just can't wait for you guys to see it. But next week, I'm going to do a rerun.

This is the last main episode of the year. Next week we're going to rerun the John Mayer episode because I forgot. We also filmed that during Christmas and remember, John Mayer sings us some Christmas songs, he serenades us. Yeah, I got a private concert.

Yeah, I remember all of that, I remember that feeling. So you guys are going to have that next week, but I just hope all of you have an amazing holiday season. And something I said in a Sunday session episode. The other week that I want to make sure everyone is mindful of is like, I am so aware that the holiday season is really fucking tough for some people.

And actually for everyone, just because there's such high expectations around it. And I just really hope everyone goes into this holiday season. Just kind of chill, you know what I mean? Like, don't put too much expectations on family and friends and what's going to happen and all that. Like, relax and try to enjoy yourself.

I can imagine there's also people still working during the holiday season. So like, you're not alone, I will also be working, so I'll be at my computer and thinking of you. But just like, I don't know, I just I think this time of year is really hard for people. And I can imagine there's a lot of you that are watching this and go re-watch some Caller Daddy episodes for a good laugh, you know?

And just try to spread your own fucking Christmas cheer this year. We don't need anyone else to make us happy, let's make ourselves fucking happy. Okay, get yourself a tree, even if it's fake, if you don't have one. I think it's been making me really happy at home. Although I think while Matt's been gone, my tree has literally been fucking dying because I keep forgetting to water it.

I water it every like, five days, it's kind of starting to tilt a little to the right, but we had it for like, a week. You have to water your tree, you have to water your Christmas tree.

We have a Jewish man in the room.

I've got to grow and it's got to prosper, and I've got to put love into it. I think Bruce keeps going under and drinking up the water. It's like, fucking disgusting. I'm like, Bruce, stop eating the Christmas tree water.

Anyways, daddy gang, I love you guys so much. I'm so excited for the New year. Have your New Year's kiss with or without anyone, kiss yourself, kiss someone.

Have good sex and let's ring in the New Year and not create unrealistic New Year's resolutions. So it's okay, if you don't go to the fucking gym, I'm not gonna go, and so it's okay, I love you guys.

Oh my God, I will be back on January 10th, 2024..

I'll miss you guys, see you then.