How to Deal with Mean Girls [VIDEO]

I'm going to answer some questions, babe, I am going to answer. Do you guys remember when I did the terminator voice? I always worry I'm going to blow all of your ears out, let me lower my volume. Because I think it's really important that when we are thinking about our life, when we're thinking about our future, when we're thinking about a question.

Questions of the Motherfucking Week Questions of the Motherfucking Week Babe, Chuck down Dorota Serena. It's questions Down down, Chuck No Lily Blair. It's questions. it's questions. it's questions of the Motherfucking Week.

It's questions of the week Sunday morning, Father's calling, Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do every Sunday's Father's Day.

What the fuck, that was pretty good, right?

You guys have a lot of good questions and I'm about to answer them for you, so let's get into it. The first question is me and my husband have been married for seven months, but previously dating for four and a half years. When we were freshly dating, we were both degenerates. Should I ask my husband if he cheated on me while we were dating?

There's still things that I question, Is this something I should talk to him about or go to therapy about, considering we're married? And I never did anything about it back then. Ooh, girl. Immediately my first reaction to this is like, you love this person. But there's nothing fucking worse than when you have something weighing on you specifically, it's about your partner.

My favorite moment is if I have a problem with anyone else in the world, but my partner. Because then I can sit down with Matt. And I put a chicken parm in front of his face and I'm like, Baby, get ready, because I'm about to talk about this for two fucking hours. And I need your advice. And he will sit there and we will talk this problem into the ground together. From my experience, you feel like shit when you have something that you want to talk to your partner about and you don't know how to bring it up. I dealt with this a lot in the beginning of my relationship with Matt. What do I bring up?

What do I not bring up? And I always realized that there is a way that you can bring it up. That is not attacking and is not you being accusatory that he cheated. But there's a way that you can actually come from it. More of like, I need to talk about this selfishly. I don't know why it's upsetting me so much and I just need to get it off my chest. And then you allow your partner to know.

This kind of is actually not as much about if you did cheat on me back when we were dating or you didn't. It's actually like, I need to say this out loud. And then as a couple, we're going to decide how we're going to handle this. So if I was you, I would tell him, If you don't ever acknowledge it, you're never going to get your answer. And this is the person you're spending the rest of your life with.

This is different. If you're just like, fucking with a fuck boy and you're like, babe, don't bring it up. Like this relationship is going to be over in fucking three minutes anyways. Like, let's keep it moving, like, know where you're going to waste your breath.

Okay, and this is not you wasting your breath, this is actually you getting closure on something that is clearly upsetting you. So I'm going to pretend I'm talking to Matt, I would be like, Matt, I need to talk to you about something.

And I want to first preface this with I don't know why. This thought keeps coming up for me. And it's just been so frustrating and annoying. Because it will come up in random moments and I can't help but think about it. And then I kind of spiral. And I want to just talk to you about it. Because whatever the answer is, I, I want to be able to handle this with you. Because I don't, I can't keep. Just like holding this in inside. Back in the day when we were dating, I know we were both degenerates and we were kind of like doing our own thing and we were together. But we were like, who knows what was happening? I don't even know where to go after this answer, but I just want you to answer, honestly.

And then again, we can move forward and figure out how we work through that. During our relationship dating, was there ever a point that you did hook up with someone else? If he said, Yes, I don't know, are you going to leave?

Like, that's on you, I don't know, but I. I would just say. Sometimes when we have something in our brain that we've been like, ruminating on before. I got into, like, good therapy, I would just be like, I. Something's been really annoying me lately and I need to know, Did you cheat on me when we were dating? That just comes off so aggressive and you're not giving the person across from you the understanding of where you're coming from.

So I think setting the scene always with your partner is the best opportunity for you to actually resolve things. And who knows, maybe you don't want to resolve things. Maybe if he did cheat, you're like, I know, then that, like, I'm out by you. Setting up a healthy situation, you're going to then know for yourself. You're probably going to get an honest answer, cause you basically were like, I actually don't care the answer right away.

I just need an answer, whether it's yes, 15 women I fuck or no, I just need to know. Then. I don't know where we go from there, but just tell me the truth. But listen, I'm going to be real. There is nothing more unsettling than being in a relationship and wondering if your partner is cheating on you or cheated on you.

I have dealt with it where I felt like I was going fucking crazy. Because you're like, so intertwined in your lives with this person. And you personally can't fathom going outside and and being with someone else other than the partner that you're committed to. And then you start to question their character, like, Oh my God, if they're capable of that, like, are they that sneaky? like, Do I trust them? And then you start to go down a rabbit hole. It's better to just nip it in the butt and bring this up to him, daddy, because you are going to, you won't get the closure.

Sure, you can go to a therapist and work on it if you have just like trust issues from like your past or your family members. But I think if you're in a healthy relationship, the best thing to do is just ask him, ask him. But give him the space to not feel threatened. That there is going to be some retaliation or there's going to be a big blow up, screaming fight. I so understand that it will hurt if he says, yes, I saw, I can't. I can't imagine, I cannot imagine if I found that out about Matt.

Like, I don't even know what I would do, but what I do know is you decided to marry this man. There's so many things you love about this man and you don't understand. You don't have any issues right now thinking he's cheating. It's this one period of your life and we all fuck up, right?

So maybe he's going to say yes. But after that, I knew, like, you're the love of my life and I never wanted to do it again. And I haven't, like, who knows? But you got to ask, so that's my, um, that's my advice, it's question, it's question.

He cheated on me. Does he deserve a second chance? My ex of two years cheated on me. In the last four months of our relationship. He started dating the girl he cheated on me with right after we broke up. Ooh, that's rough.

He kept reaching out during the months after, and I finally set a firm boundary so that he didn't try to cheat on her with me. I really miss him and our relationship and he's still reaching out. Do you believe in once a cheater? always a cheater? or does he deserve a second chance? Babe? What do you mean? do you believe in once a year? always a cheater?

He's literally texting you as he's in a relationship.

I don't believe in once a cheater, always a cheater. I don't. I think people can change, but he's literally showing you he hasn't changed because he's texting you while he has a new fucking girlfriend. Like, we have to get out of our heads and stop telling ourselves what we want to hear and just look at the facts. He cheated on you with this woman.

He's now dating this woman, and while he's now in a relationship with this woman, he's now texting you. And if you get back with him, guess what he's going to do? He's going to text her like, we're playing ping pong, bitch. He wants his fucking cake and he wants to eat it too, and he should not be able to do that. You saying you tried to cut it off and set a boundary, and then he kept texting you another red flag.

Like, you literally are trying to be respectful to this woman. That literally was the reason for your breakup. Sorry, I want to clarify she wasn't the reason for your breakup. He was. But he cheats with this woman and now while he's with this woman, you're like, I don't want him to be another cheater. So stop texting me and he's still texting you, babe.

In this case, once a cheater.

Always a cheater, you can't trust a man that's just going to do it again. Let me give you a little insight. There is supreme, supreme dick out there. There are some men that you will be shocked that will treat you, right?

Okay, girl, you can miss an ex. You should miss an ex. If you gave all of your all into a relationship, you should miss that person. That's a natural human instinct. Even if they fucked you over, it would be crazy and we're just lying to ourselves.

Like, bitch, I don't miss him, you miss him because you gave yourself to someone, you were intimate with, someone, you shared things with some. Like, when you're dating someone most of the time, unless you're in a really unhealthy relationship. This person knows so much about you and you know so much about them that even when they do fucked up shit. There's a little part of you that still knows that human side of them that you fell in love with. And so it's normal to miss someone.

But what it's not normal to do? no, it is normal to do. But I'm going to try to unnormalize it is romanticize the good parts of the past and completely forget about the negative. If you went back to that man tomorrow, he has not changed, he's showing you he didn't change because he's literally fucking texting you while he's in a relationship. And so to think anything else other than the truth and the facts and what this man is literally showing you, kind of shame on you, I get it, babe.

I've gone back to the toxic like, Oh, let's slide back in, let's get back in there, but there. It wasn't lost on me that I knew it was a wild decision, but I knew I was putting myself back in there. I wasn't like you guys. He's going to change for me this time, even though he cheated on me last time, he's not going to do it again.

No, I knew, I know for myself. At one point, it was closure for myself to, like, feel like I had some type of power in the dynamic. Whatever it is, but baby, he's not going to change. So if your partner cheated on you and he's now an ex, the only way to reevaluate? I personally believe with someone is like, time away from that person. And then actually knowing what they were up to in that time. And when you come back to them. If you ever do, reunite, like, is there anything different about this person or are you just pretending to see different things?

Cause you miss that feeling and you just want to get back half the time. We're just pulled to the feeling that we think we miss. And then the minute you're back in it, you're like.

We hate this feeling. We, uh, I completely romanticize that when I was laying in bed, staring at the wall, being like, Oh, my God. But like, I know he fucked up, but like, I miss him. And like, we had the best sex, and like, it was so like fiery and like, so much passion. No, babe.

That is just like toxic, you're mistaking, like fiery passion for toxic. It's question, it's question. I have a friend that did something that I really strongly disagree with.

Her character is starting to show and I'm starting to realize how different our values are. She's still super fun friend to go out with, but I don't know where to draw the line. Do you have any experience with this? Is she worth keeping as a fun friend or should I think about cutting her off? This is kind of difficult because I feel like I've gone through a lot of different phases with friends. In terms of. Like, what I am willing to put up with and what I think is worth sticking around for.

When I was living in New York City and I wasn't in a serious relationship. I had a lot of girlfriends that were kind of like party friends. And when the weekend came around, I was like, these are my fun friends. Or this is my one girlfriend that I always love to like, go get drinks with and party with and go find boys with. I think the issue really is, Where are you at in your life? Then I could answer that because I think it's important to have fun friends when you're at a certain point in your life, where you want to be social and you may be whether you're in a relationship and you feel like you need to have some independence and you want to get back out there, you want to have fun with a friend.

Maybe they're your girlfriend that you would love to go get drinks with and just catch up with. Like, or you're single and you need someone that is on that same wavelength as you, right? But I think when you get to a certain point in your life where maybe you are have a really stable, set relationship, you have your go to best friends. And you are in a place where you're just like, really focusing on the future, like, what do I want to build for myself? I think that's when the fun friends kind of become less of a priority. Because I feel like as I've started to grow up, I prioritize the relationships in my life so much differently.

Now if I'm going to have a free Saturday, I'm going to spend it either with Matt. Because we've been both so busy that we're like chips in the night some weeks that, like, we barely see each other. I'm going to spend that with Matt or I'm going to do a FaceTime date with my four best girlfriends, one of them and I'm going to call them and like, I'm going to catch up on their life. I'm not as interested at this point in my life and maybe going to the bar or going to see a friend, that's going to be kind of surface level. That's probably when. Those type of relationships, for me personally, I felt them in the past, like two years, kind of dissipate a little bit. Not that I don't fully keep in touch, but like, the effort has waned off. Because it's like, this relationship was so good when we both needed it, but it's kind of not servicing either of us. Because I don't need, at this point in my life to go out for fun with someone that I don't really emotionally connect with or have deep conversations with.

I have fun with Matt, I have fun with my family, I have fun with Matt's family. Like, there's just different shit, you know what I mean? And so I would say to you, you just have to be protective of your energy.

Like, I never would have cut those people off in New York, nor did I even think about it. Because I needed friends that were fun and light. And we didn't really have that many serious, deep conversations because I didn't want to. I wasn't at a point in my life where I really cared if we had like, the exact same values. You know, like the relationship was to have fun and to go out and to drink, go to a pilates class together. I never did that, but maybe you do that, okay. Like, I think that we're kind of trained as women to, like, feel bad if a friendship no longer serves us anymore.

And it's like, be a girl's girl, like, keep, keep them in your life, like, that's not what a girl's girl means. Just because they are a girl and have a vagina. You're not going to be like, Oh my God, you just did this awful thing, but like, I'm a girl's girl.

I defend you girl, like love, peace, love, happiness. Like that's just that's not how it goes. Being a girl's girl is like supporting women, obviously, cause we're at a fucking disadvantage. But it doesn't mean, like in these moments, that you can't objectively look at the situation and say, is this relationship filling me up? does this relationship make me feel good?

That has nothing to do with like, Oh, you're a bitch, cause you don't wanna be friends with her anymore. That's you just taking care of your mental health and yourself, and also prioritizing your life. There's not enough fucking time in the day, guys. Like, literally, I had so many people that I would just text and text and text in my twenties, and I loved those friends.

But like that, those relationships were all based off of history of, like, oh my god, our college days together, but, like, we barely spoke about anything other than reminiscing on college. Which is fine, feeling like the constant need to have to reach out and connect and connect, you don't need to do that. You can have thoughtful moments where you reconnect with someone every few months and catch up. But you don't need to be spending your time being like, Oh my god, well, I have to go to that dinner tonight.

If you don't wanna go to a dinner, don't go to a dinner with someone. Be selfish, you have to be selfish if you're not getting anything out of that again, it's different when friendships, it's like, Babe, you gotta be there for your friend.

I know she's going through it and you don't feel like listening to her bitch about the x, y z that was happening in her life this past week. Whether it's a breakup or a family thing, that's just being a good fucking friend is knowing when you got to, just sit down and be there. But on the day to day, if you're not getting anything out of a relationship, I think there's something beautiful about friendships. Ending that means that you're growing. And that that doesn't negate the fact that it was such a great friendship at the time, or it was just like a good, fun relationship at the time. But just because you you spent time with someone, it doesn't mean that that person needs to continue into the next phase of your life.

If anything, it's healthier to just like, recognize what it is and move on. Be selfish with your time and don't feel bad for doing that okay next.

Topic Mean girls? Your partner being friends with people who don't like you, break up with him, he's not allowed to hang out with them. Hi Daddy, how do you deal with your boyfriend? Being friends with people who don't like you? Slash talk behind your back, and you don't like them back either?

Probably hate them, they've never made an effort towards me and I genuinely don't like that. My boyfriend just doesn't see the fact how this could bother me. Please help, okay?

I wish I had a little bit more context. Like, is it his best friend, is it his family? Is it like a random group of people? He goes on Sunday to, like, day drink with, like, who are these people?

I have dealt with this before, I think there's two sides to this. I dealt with this actually with Matt in the beginning of our relationship. There are some people that I didn't feel respected me when I first came around. I feel like in the past few years I've gotten so much better. But like when I started dating Matt, I was like a loose cannon.

Like, if you're going to be a bitch to me, I'm coming back right at you and I'm going to say something like. I have never, ever been able to hold my tongue. If someone's being mean to me or one of my friends, I'm going to rip your face off with my words, although I'm not ever going to initiate it. If you come for me or someone I love, I will come for you. I have dealt with it with Lauren.

Where Lauren's like, Oh my God, don't say it, don't say it. And I'm like, let me just fucking let you. Because if someone's being an, especially if someone's being a fucking dick to your friend, that's almost worse than if they come for you. Like, I'm like, Oh, I will ruin. So I dealt with this in the beginning.

I knew Matt and my relationship was not just this like fair weather thing. That was going to be like, maybe we will be together for like a year. Like. I knew, I was probably going to marry this man. And so I definitely took a different approach with the way that even if I was being disrespected, I was more tame and not as reactionary. As much as I love the Leo fiery side of myself, I have learned that a lot of time people don't deserve your energy.

There was something beautiful whenever I would go out. And these certain people would like kind of make like, snarky comments about my job and like my show. And like, just be dicks. And instead of being like, Oh we? And so like, how's your job going? Like, I heard you just got fired, like, what are you going to do now? Like, instead of being a dick back, I would just sit there and smile and drink and be like, Yeah, everything's good.

Like, or just go along with it? I'd be like, Mm, hmm, yeah, like, it's so crazy.

Like that, my show does that, like, Yeah, it's so crazy, it's really crazy.

Like, I would just agree with them and I would just sit there. And there's something kind of fun about when someone is trying to dig at you, just being like.

I literally don't care, because if you think about it, I think when I was in high school or something, when people were bullying me or being dicks to me. I, I. I got really good at combating assholes. Like, I was like, I will never feel like I can't stand up for myself again. Because there were so many moments in elementary school and in high school that I stood there and wanted to cry and just had to take it and was silent. And I wanted to throw up and I would run to the bathroom and then I would cry. Because whether it was a girl or a guy being mean to me, I was like, Oh my God. And I feel like towards the end of high school, I started to just let it rip. I just started. If you're going to come for me and my friends, I'm going to fucking let it rip.

And there were some girls in high school and we would beef when they came. For me, I just blew the house down. I didn't feel bad because I'm like, if you came for me first. But that's kind of just like an immature way of looking at things. Um, I think that my advice to you is like, what are these people saying? and how mean are they being to you? and how important are they to your partner's life?

And there's like a tier system because they are important. Of course, you can make a comment and you should make a comment to your boyfriend. I know it's something I respect about Matt is he's always been so protective of me.

And most of the rooms that we were in. When I moved to Los Angeles, I didn't have any friends. All of my friends live on the East Coast, my brother lives here now, and some of my other friends moved here. But in the beginning, I was pretty isolated and alone.

And Matt recognized that that most of the time that we were out, it was with his crew and his people, and he was really receptive to. Whenever I was like, Hey, that was awkward, that was objectively fucking awkward, and like, I don't, I don't get it. And he would be like, I know, I know.

What I did say, though, is like, I never had Matt say anything. I don't know if this is the right advice, I honestly don't know, I don't know the correct advice to give you again. I don't have that many details of your situation, but what I would say is I never had Matt say anything because there was kind of this weird power.

Once I acknowledged it with Matt, and once Matt sat with me and talked with me about it. It kind of just became this like inside joke of a game between us and it kind of like. I said, I would get to these dinners. And this woman would just be, oh, say the rudest shit to my face. And I would just be pounding my dirty martini. Being like, Oh my god, totally like, it's so embarrassing, like my job is such a joke.

Like, it is so crazy and I would just laugh and be like, Yeah, oh God, you know, my parents are, they almost disowned me, you know, like it's wild, wild.

Anyways, how are you tell me everything? Wait, let's show me pictures of like, your family like. And Matt would just be squeezing my thigh under the table and there was something kind of just like fun about being like, it's not that deep.

It hurts, trust me, but I don't know. There's just something like when you're confident enough in yourself of like. I can relate in high school to be an asshole because I was so uncomfortable with myself and not didn't feel good. And when people came for me, it was like, I'm going to rip your face off.

Now I just don't have, I don't have that in me. I don't have enough energy to even pick the things that I would want to go out. This person for, like, I don't care, like, I don't think of you.

We're at a dinner. I don't, I don't know, like I don't care enough to be hateful towards people anymore. Like, that's just not the vibe. I hear what you're saying.

And I think the only thing I would give advice for is my concern is that your partner doesn't see how the fact that it bothers you. That is where I have empathy for you. Because if you're not, at least aligned with your partner. Where you're like, doing what Matt and I are doing? We're really kicking each other under the table. Being like, Oh my God, here she goes again, or here he goes again, like, then you are isolated and you are alone.

And that is not fucking cool. And I I feel for you on that, because I have been in relationships where that's happened to me too. And you're kind of stuck in a weird situation. And I kind of think it becomes a little bit bigger than just like friends are being mean to you, I think this is a bigger conversation for you to have with your partner.

It's like, even sometimes if I'm wrong, Matt has my back, Matt is going to stand up for me no matter what. And then in private, it can be like, a bitch, like, What the fuck was that you're crazy? but like, I've got your back? But like, What the fuck, Alex?

And I'm like, Oh shit, I don't know, and vice versa. I will stand in a room and I will be Matt's number one supporter. If someone's going at him, like, I'm going to be more likely to stand up for him and I just. I just worry that if your partner can't defend you and and empathize with you, that someone's coming for you.

I don't know, I don't know if I could personally be in a relationship like that. Because when I'm in a relationship, I want to trust my partner. And I want to know that. As much as I care about them, they care about me. And I can imagine you're feeling like, shit, because you're not feeling like he cares, you're not feeling like he gives a fuck.

If you're publicly being humiliated and you're getting talked about and you're feeling small. And you're sitting in this room while he's making jokes with people. And you're just like, Um, yeah, and those two people over there just fully whispering about me and I feel so uncomfortable. There's something kind of beautiful about setting boundaries for yourself, even if you know people are going to know, don't go next time.

Make a statement like, Stay home, turn on fucking Netflix, play your most cozy comfort show, put on Grey's Anatomy, put on Gilmore Girls, put on Gossip Girl. Have a spa day, do your fucking face care routine, bitch, shave your legs, shave your v, shave your armpits, do whatever you need to read a book. Oh my God, you guys. I've been reading so many romance novels lately. Find the things that make you happy. And the next time that your partner asks you to go to this thing, be like, You know what, babe, I'm going to pass? I've shared with you why I don't feel comfortable around this group.

They make fun of me, they're mean to me, and I obviously see that you don't see that, so until you do see that. I probably don't feel comfortable hanging out with them. Because the one person in the room that I at least want to be able to grab and feel safe with isn't there for me in these moments. And then if he doesn't fucking come around, like, babe.

I don't know, I think you kind of, you've got to reevaluate the relationship at whatever phase in your life. There's nothing more embarrassing for someone that's trying to be mean to you than you just sitting there and either just being silent and asking. Like, I've always said that my father always told me if someone's being an asshole to you. You look at them after they finish, you pause for a long time and you just look at them and you say, What's your point? It's the same thing with people in the comments.

Like, if people are commenting mean things on your Instagram, or if people are messaging things about you like, bitch, why are you so pressed about my life, like?

Like, can't relate, don't know anything about you, don't, don't think about you. Love the time you're putting into thinking about me, and like, that should make you feel good.

Like, there is something weirdly about, just like knowing people like good or bad. Like they're thinking about you, babe, and you don't think about them. So if you don't think about them, let them just keep on churning out hours of their life thinking about you when you're not stressed. Bitch, we're fucking reading her romance novels, shaving our fucking legs and like, working on ourselves.

You have the right to remove yourself from anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, and specifically, ladies, please listen to me on this. Anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, or any social situation that you don't feel positive about. That makes you get anxiety over. That stresses you out, that makes you feel less than that, makes you feel small. Remove yourself. You do not have to engage with these people.

If you can physically remove yourself, yes, remove yourself, but I'm warming emotionally.

Remove yourself like there is nothing better than when someone is trying to be mean to you and be an asshole to you, and you just like.

You just check out. Sometimes the delusion of just like silence and not giving a fuck is so golden. Daddy gang. We don't have time for fucking cunts, we don't, and I will say, the moment you know that you don't have time for fucking mean girls or cunts anymore. Is when you actually are okay. Letting them be dicks to you and you indulge in it and you just sit there and you're literally like, huh?

Anyways, my braids are coming out, my hair is soaking wet, so I'm going to go blow dry my hair because I have to go to a meeting. Daddy gang, I love you. I'm so happy that we got to do Questions of the Week in the Sunday session. I think something that is really important is just having a standard for yourself and setting it in every fucking arena of your life relationship, friendship, work.

And I know it's hard, trust me, sometimes it requires a large amount of, like, internal confidence, and even if you're faking it. Once you start to implement these things in your lives and set boundaries, you're going to be so much fucking happier. I promise you. Because I'm in the middle of doing it and I can't believe the way that I used to get affected by things versus now. I'm just like, who gives a fuck, what people think about us?

Literally, who cares, who cares, we're all going to fucking die. I want to be happy with myself, be happy with the people that matter in my life, and that's all I really fucking care about.

When I meet people, I'm showing up and trying to be a nice fucking person. I'm not trying to tear people down. That's what my vibe is. And so if people are doing that, uh, Ew, get away from me. I don't need the energy.

Um, and if you are going to be at my tour, just know I fucking love you guys and I'm going to be so hype. And we are going to scream so loud, and we're going to drink so much, and we're going to party and there's going to be a lot of different things happening. So, um, you know, the motherfucking drill, I will see you fuckers this Wednesday. Goodbye.