Jake Tapper Returns

Hi, my name is Jake Tapper and I feel ironic about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walk in blues, climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that we are gonna be friends. Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends. Hey there, welcome to Conan. O'Brien needs a friend. We're plowing through the summer, unless it's a re-broadcast. Maybe you're listening to this years from now. And maybe you're in a part of the world where it's not only winter, but it's freezing out. So me talking about the summer is just stupid.

Plowing through the summer We're plowing through the summer.

I'm gonna tell you, you know what, I got a cold last week and my throat's a little iffy, and so just my throat wasn't working correctly for a second. And it was a crucial second because I'm podcasting to billions of people around the world right now.

With a sore throat, how do you plow through the summer?

Well, I'm going to. And you had a cold last week, we saw you last week and you breathed over all of us. I just think it's a celebrity cold. And you're welcome to have it. You can sell it on eBay.

I know that feeling, I had that problem too.

Did you have it, too?

Yeah, I loved staying home from school so much that I almost couldn't enjoy it. I always enjoy the day before a day off more than the day off.

Yes.

Isn't that horrible?

I understand that.

Yeah.

I always liked sort of late Friday afternoon was my favorite part of the weekend because technically the weekend hadn't started yet. Yeah, and then once the weekend started, there was all this anxiety about it's going too quickly. No, yes.

You don't get Sunday blues.

No, oh, I would get terrible Sunday blues. I didn't even know that was something people had. Oh, I used to bust out my harmonica, oh my god.

I made my room into a prison cell and I just rub a cup against the bars.

You don't rub it, you rattle it, you rub it, rub it is erotic, you rub it in your room.

It was a purely sexual thing you guys didn't ever do. Rub a cup.

Come on, Oh man, I can't wait. Oh good, everyone's gone.

Takes away the Sunday blues. Let me tell you that much.

Oh boy, anyway, yeah. And so now I don't have it as much as an adult because I don't have to go to school again in the fall. Yeah, but I had it a bad case of it.

It's a curse, it's not a good thing.

I'm surprised both of you were like this, we're similar in a lot of ways, you are.

We don't want to admit it. Yeah, no, we are.

We are, we have similarities.

You know, we're taking a break for this show, the listeners won't know. It'll continue to come out steadily. But we're taking a month off, we're not going to see each other. Do you think, like three weeks or two, even one weekend, you're going to start to go? Oh, no, I have to go back?

No.

Because you enjoy us.

Because you love us, I do enjoy doing this. I'm not going to make a joke. I do enjoy hanging with you guys, but this will give me a chance to really get in shape.

I was a crier.

You cried, yeah.

They dropped me off at kindergarten. Is that true? Yeah, I would cry, I would scream and cry.

Sometimes I see you outside the podcast studio crying and you've just been dropped off by your mother. Yes, and you have a note on your shirt that says, Hi, my name is Matt. I'm allergic to nuts.

I was a crier, I would still like to be viewed as a tough person, but I was a crier. You still want to be viewed as a tough person. I don't want this to hurt my perception that people have of me as a big...

You're a tough guy who cries. And when put in prison, the first thing you'll do is take your cup and rub it against the bars in an erotic ecstasy.

Sure, boss.

But it's something that popped into my head recently, and now it's taking me out of every TV show or movie I watch, which is when you're watching a TV show. And I may have mentioned this before, but sometimes my family and I. Now that we're all together again, my daughter was off in college, but we're all back. Sometimes, if we want to all do something together, we watch, say, like an old, a vintage gossip girl, you know? And one of the things that I can't get out of my head is they'll show a scene will start with the elevator opening and a guy coming out like Chuck Bass, or one of these serious characters coming out and giving some grave news. Or like this old guy who's supposed to be a senator or a captain of industry, who's the father of one of these young people? The elevator door opens up and he comes out, and all I can think about is how it's not a real elevator. That the actor has to sit in there until people on either side pull the doors open and he comes out.

No, but now that you say that.

Like, it ruins Star Trek for me, all those 60s Star Treks where I just know that. Kirk is like, we've got to get to the transporter room immediately, let's go. And he and Spock rush in. And the doors shut, and I know that there's two guys getting union pay to move the doors shut. Why do you have to think this?

It's a box.

It's not an elevator, it's a box, and there's two guys on either side that are closing a door. And then they're eating a sandwich afterwards and saying, Hey, did you hear the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor?

Well, how do you feel about like scenes that are shot in airplanes and submarines and stuff that aren't cars or cars? Yeah.

Oh, first of all, it's just the idea that they get in. It's so embarrassing that they have to get in a box and say something. Like, I'm going now up to the top floor, the very top, and when I get there, all your careers will be ruined and doors slide shut. Actor stays in trapped box until two union guys stagehands open the box, and actor has to come back out and see all the people he just told off.

Well, I'd like to try one.

Yeah, you try.

You suck, yeah.

Hey, wait a minute, you're pretty good. You both are ruining summer and you're ruining elevators. What are you happy about? What do you guys like?

I like Santa Claus.

Santa Claus I don't like this. Okay, okay, you've made your point.

You ruined something.

I'm not going to ruin anything. Oh, nice try.

Now you're ruining this, I'm not you guys.

I like things, I enjoy things, you know what it is, Sona, you enjoy everything, everything.

Like, somebody wrote it.

Someone wrote it, Sona, someone directed it, hundreds of people like, swept up the set and built it, that's exciting.

Yeah.

I do I think everything, I enjoy stuff. What a great bold I do.

You invited me over to your home. Yeah, he came over to the house. Oh he. We had dinner at our favorite restaurant and then he was.

Actually, it's a it's a very good restaurant where Wolf Blitzer shows you to your table.

But many flavors. Yeah, oh so much.

There's 36 flavors of Blintz. And he shows you to the table and it's, and then it's embarrassing because he hangs around until you tip.

You were the one of the first. I sent a copy of the first book to the Hellfire Club, which is takes place in 54 and has our favorite president, President Eisenhower as a character in the book. And that was, it was basically a book written for me, and you, yeah.

No, I, I actually fact-checked the book. Wait a minute, wait a minute. No, no. He had his his heart attack in his second term.

Yes, he writes them all right. Is that a real thing? No, it's not.

Carrington Is that the name of the character? Alexis Alexis Carrington. And I loved how often, how many times one of them got shoved into a pool. They just decided that was what you do is when. When one woman, with wearing a dress with massive shoulder blades and a massive ring who's an icon was? pushes another into a pool, a lot of pools would were handy.

That's the rat pack, and Sinatra is like a big character in it.

Yeah, right, and I love you. Have members of the Rat Pack out trying to help solve the crime, which was really, really funny to me. Like, No, I think they would have been, they wouldn't have been in any shape. Dean Martin's like, Now, hold on a second.

This 177. And like the the main character, one of the main characters is Evil Knievel. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, Evil Knievel is one of them. Do you know you weren't alive for?

Because this takes place in 77, and it takes place after Evil Knievel's jump of I was born in 73.

Okay, but you know, you were one when the Snake River jump. Oh boy, was I there, yeah.

I remember there is. There is footage of a little boy wearing a tweed suit and large glasses that only an adult would wear. I stowed away in his saddlebags. Yeah, they said they said he would have made it, but he was unfortunately a pound and a half too heavy and it was all tweed. You and I would have similar memories because in this book it takes place in 77, and I remember in 1977 very well, because all these epic things happened. But you do reference the The Snake River Jump, which was a couple years earlier.

You know what it was like, one of those rockets from, like the Roadrunner and Wile e Coyote rockets, like, really makeshift. And one of the other things that's so weird about it is that this was actually considered like an athletic event. Like he was on the cover of sports illustrated. This is not a sport, this wasn't.

Willing to try? Yes, yes. And it's so funny because in this book, in this book, one of your main characters, one of the two children. Like, Yeah, and and, and Ike is working with and, and you make this point. He's not even riding motorcycles and I'm guessing that you have done the research on this. Ike is complaining because he has to kind of check out the machinery and everything, and he's working for Evil Knievel and he has to check out the machinery. And I'm guessing you researched this that he's riding bikes you're not even supposed to jump in.

No, they're not good, they're not good for jumping, but like Harley's, and yeah, no, it's really weird. But he was just willing to do it and he built this, you know, incredible career. That kind of in 77 is kind of the beginning of the end of it. 74 was like his big everybody. People. There are people our age Conan who think that they remember him jumping over the Grand Canyon.

Yeah, let's clear that up.

And so this see, there's a scene at the beginning of the book that's based on his real a real event, which is in January 77.

John Of course, and by the way, they were the original host of this podcast.

John And and he was good and it was, and everything, because this is post Jaws. Jaws was, you know, huge best, yeah, and huge, huge film, and so everything was Jaws. And so he's came up with this idea and so much of the stuff in the book having to do with evil. Knievel was just real, from his actual press conferences, from his actual events. And he and he in rehearsals hurt himself. And so the entire, the entire special went on. But he wasn't part of it.

And yeah, cuz who needs evil knievel in an evil Knievel special? He didn't jump the shark at all.

He know he did, but he landed wrong. His problem was always the landing. But you mean, he hurt himself, not the jumping. Okay in the rehearsal and then went on to do it, Oh, no. Was rushed to the hospital with broken bones.

All the other like side acts, yeah. And occasionally, they'd cut away to the hospital and the doctor would say, we're extracting a shark's fin. You know, what's funny that's in the book that you talk about, and it's a really funny scene. Is them trying to get the sharks?

And they don't get good sharks, no, sir, folks, they're like small sharks, that little lemon.

He's, he's basically jumping, you know, coy with.

Larger dorsal fins. And they had a camera in the pool just in case he landed in the pool, you could see the shark eat him. Oh my god. And the sharks were treated horribly. And like a bunch of them died on their way from Florida to Chicago, where they held this in the middle of the winter in January, stuff.

Now, if you want to abuse a shark, it's much harder.

The guy's whole career was so spectacularly bizarre that just I didn't know anything about evil Knievel. Really like that. I missed that. When I was a kid, I was, yeah, much more focused on, like comic books and baseball and. But I have some friends that are really into it. And and they really loved him, and Johnny Knoxville was actually one of them who would like he. I mean, he did it and he's got the scars to prove. Yeah, and he did a documentary about him called Being Evil. It's really good.

The 70s are filled with, oh, let's just try it, and in this crazy kind of way, like true, the brain, the brady, the brady bunch, which has been. I had been off the air for like five years and someone said, what if they had a variety show? And we dress them all kind of like evil knievel, like in jumpsuit, right? And we put them in a giant, giant soundstage with a Olympic sized swimming pool. And we got a bunch of synchronized swimmers, women as synchronized swimmers. To do Esther Williams stuff from the 1940s, right? And we'll have them all sing songs and dance, you mean, the kids from the Brady bunch know how to sing songs and dance.

I mean, they're like, Eve Plum won't do it, She says. It compromises her. Just get another blonde lady. They did. They replaced Eve Plum.

The middle daughter and they got a different person to play her, and they never address pretty reason.

She wouldn't know, I don't know what, you wouldn't do it.

I think at the time she thought she heard Olympic sized pool and she said this probably doesn't sound good. If they had come to her, like three years later, should have said Where do I sign? But uh, it was just it was just a crazy time.

I went out to dinner last night and I know, and our waitress was raised on a houseboat. And I said, Oh, like Quincy, and the the blank stare that she gave me, you know, Quincy, me.

Yeah, that's the problem. There's a generational gap. I know who Quincy is, I don't know who played Jack Klugman. Do you know Jack Klugman? No, do you know the odd couple?

But that's one of the shows that what was the show you did with with Adam West? It was look well.

Yeah, well, did it about Robert Smigel, and I did a pilot for Adam West called Look well about a.

Like a and that, and Quincy was want, like Banachek, Quincy. All those shows, annex, the annex were like it, that were part of what inspired you. Yes, there were a guy who doesn't play by the rules.

But he's like, in part of the system, he does it.

Very doing Cole Porter, right? It's like when Elizabeth Berkley on Save Brother Bell got addicted to.

Caffeine? Oh yeah, like that kind of, like, now you're edging up into territory that's no, no. Now I know, trying to bring it, bring it up a little bit.

It's good to know about everything. I kids don't know any of the stars that I know or think well.

What's interesting to me is I grew up knowing about stuff in the 50s, 60s, 70s. And you know, once you're, once it's happening in your lifetime, you know it. But sometimes I get the suspicion that now a lot of kids don't know about anything that happened before them. Is that just me being a cranky old guy? I think that might be you being a little bit of a. I mean, people know older things. But the things that you know are like shows that ran for one season that no one else talks about.

Was it? Quincy? was a huge show? Quincy was big. Yeah, was it guys? yeah.

Quincy was a big show, a huge show, I mean. But there's also like three channels, that's true. Everyone was a different time, and Quincy was so big. It was on all three channels, on all three.

QUINCY I'm all cast, but it's it. But the opposite is also true. I don't know what it is, what it's like with your kids, but my kids know people that I have no idea what they're talking. You know, when you go to the the CVS or whatever and like a magazine cover and I'm like, I have no idea who they're.

You know, I don't know any of that's reality television, but I think, okay, a lot of it is, you know. Janet tells Kristen She better back off, cuz, you know, Nico is hers. And it's something from Below deck, the Underwater series, whatever, and I don't know, that's a really good. It can't be a sonar. Doesn't know who I am figuring it out, yeah.

People that live in a different time, yep, and just, uh, yes, and during, yeah, during this political era, it's nice to run away from it all. Although there's a lot of. Obviously, there's a lot of resonance for what is going on today in this book, because the two plots, so it's I. Can Lucy tell the story? Their brother and sister, Ike, is with Evil Knievel in Montana. And that is, that becomes like kind of a plot about demagogues and people who follow demagogues, like, why would you follow? Like Evil Knievel decides? He's gonna run for president, kind of like a publicity stunt. And he and his, and this gang of people who are living in the woods of Montana start following him to Washington, D.C. to raise hell.

In the book, you originally called him Goopert Gurdock. you saw an early draft and then your lawyers got involved. Goopert Gurdock. Hello mate. Goopert. Gurdock's the name. Oh my god, I've never heard your Australian accent.

Oh, is that Australian? I thought that was fantastic.

That's not a knife, this is a knife.

77. Do you get into any Star Wars? In this? Star Wars is mentioned, it's mentioned at the beginning.

Well, it was just again. This is called the late 70s. Yes, and that's summer of 77. I remember really well because I was and am a huge Elvis fan, and that's the summer that Elvis died.

Which is also a plot point in the book. And the big caravan of evil Knievel. They stop at Graceland and mourn Elvis, and then he jumps over the casket.

And.

Crashes, You know, it's. Graceland, by the way, at the time, was not a museum, it was just where he lived.

That's where he lived. Yeah, my house is now a museum. Even before I go, yeah, like your president, it's like, when you go room-to-room and you push a button, it's me there.

This is where I read the paper. Have you ever been in Graceland? Oh yeah, it's like the White House, surprisingly small.

Yeah, it is very small. I mean, you can imagine when Elvis got Graceland and he's like 20, right? And he buys this house, it, he couldn't imagine a bigger home. And then all these years later, now that we live in this era of like Mcmansions and have people being in big spaces, Graceland is like, Oh, this is cozy, it's nothing like Coneland. No, it's I've been to.

I'm sure you, I'm sure it's gonna be in the smoky mountains. Have they all? Have they all been to Coneland?

You both have been to my home. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. And there are a few times you don't even know it. Oh, I saw you, the camera caught you once, that I wanted that.

I'm like, waving them in, Yeah, you know, hello, actually see. Send out Compass owner to give maps.

To the to the map people, and it's just your house, right? Or sometimes I'm just say, I just say, I'm Adam Sandler's house, and then from behind the hedge, I go.

By the way, he killed it, uh, he killed at the at the Sandler Mark Twain Award. You did a great job.

It was fun, it was a really fun night. Conan did a great job.

He definitely put a lot of work into it in a good way. I mean, yeah, got it.

We got to prepare, you got to prepare. It's the way I prepare for these things. But I'm just saying, Mr. Tipper.

You know, so let's talk about other crazy things that happened in 77.

Do you know what that is? Yeah, there's a lot of people, yeah, and he said that he killed, I tickled, he tickled, he killed.

David Berkowitz, of course, heard voices, yes.

Arrested the dog.

Studio 54 opens Oh.

Studio 54 opens Saturday Night Live is really hitting its stride by 77.

It's a huge thing. The New York City blackout. Mm-hmm. I mean, there's a lot of stuff. Jimmy Carter takes office, Elvis dies. Horrible, horrible.

Oh, and guess who dies shortly after Elvis dies, and no one pays attention because the Elvis knows news is so big. Groucho Marx is that true? Yep, I remember being also a huge Marx Brothers fan, and shortly after Elvis dies, Groucho Marx passes away. And it gets kind of a we'll take a brief moment from all this Elvis coverage.

That's like Farah Fawcett on the same day as Michael Jackson, Yeah, and then Michael Jackson died, like an hour or two later, and.

She, really, she, she got short shrift. I'm gonna have my publicist do a lot of calling around before I pass.

Anybody out there?

Any big stars, cuz Conan O'Brien is about to go, he'd like to reserve this afternoon blog. Yeah, he wants the whole afternoon and into the evening.

That would, that would stick around, that would be a feat. I can do that. You should, you should, uh, you should, write a book about that, that's a great idea.

Obsessed with getting?

Trying to figure out.

But it's a book as much if it's like a 40-minute funny movie.

Well, and it's who does it in. Is it Tom Sawyer or Huckleberry Finn that sees his own funeral? I forget which one it is. You're the Mark Twain expert, you tell me.

I believe, isn't it? Huck Finn, who's up in a tree and watches his own?

What's a Tom Sawyer? It's a Tom Sawyer. Yes, Tom Sawyer. I'm sorry. Thank you for getting that.

It's Tom Sawyer. No, I know people think it's Huck Finn, but it's not. it's Tom Sawyer sees his own funeral.

Yeah, but what if there were a guy who, like you, wanted to see that?

I do want to see my spectacular media coverage that you get. Well, here's the other problem we all know that's not happening.

It also so much of its timing, I can say as somebody who covers these things, covers these things. So, for instance, Tina Turner, right? She died in like. It was announced in an afternoon, right? like, like, maybe like two o'clock, and it got a ton of coverage.

But she was also, I mean, she was a large, huge.

But I'm telling you, like, some of it is just timing, like some of it has to do with, like, how big is the other news?

Going on that Sona, this is on you, you need to organize this. Oh, no, don't do that.

Yeah, it doesn't have to be the death of him, you don't have to coordinate when he dies. But when it's in now, no. Bury it at a Friday at 5.

And I'm gonna botch it during the Oscars.

Yeah, it could be like rescuing someone like it, like, Oh, that's good. yeah, that's good, like you're heroic. it's a heroic death. We didn't.

Hey, how about this, Jake? You're in the news business and I could, I could slip you a couple of bucks. Let's say, however I go, and let's say it's, even if it's, you know, just not. It's. It's not great, like a toilet.

I like you all, your water and your nourishment. So my point is that let's google it. It's not one, it's not one bout of diarrhea, it's like, days and days, and no, no, but mine is one long.

One long explosion. And so my point is, that's how I go. I'm gonna have Sona contact you, Jake, and you're gonna say, try to foil a robbery to protect.

You know, you've got a. you've got a, Sona says, like in a bizarre diarrhea accident.

Of it, and I post them up everywhere. I'm not the one to trust with this.

Speaking, which can I say something about Elvis? Like, so I learned while writing this book, the one of the reasons why some people blamed Rupert Murdoch for the death of Elvis Presley. And I'll tell you why, because he had a couple bodyguards that his dad, Vernon, fired, and then they, well, Elvis, okay, yeah, and they didn't, they did a tell-all.

Two of Elvis's bodyguards one was Red West right, and the other, I can't remember which one it was.

Blue East No, it's in the back, it's a blue.

You're reading through your own book now? Well, I have, as you know, I do. Do they ever cut back to you on CNN and you forgot? and you're reading your own book?

Red West Yeah, Sonny West and Dave Hebbler, as told to Steve Dunleavy, right, who worked for the New York Post to work for Murdoch. And that. So they sold this book and this book came out, and some people think it's so depressed. Elvis, by the book, was called Elvis.

What happened? And it was just two bodyguards saying, Man, is he in rough shape?

Elvis and many people think that that was, that was one of the precipitating events that caused him to, like, overdose, and that's how we died. And so there are people out there who blame Rupert Murdoch for the death of Elvis Presley. Mm-hmm, I mean, because because he published the book, Steve Dunleavy, you know?

Might be other things to get mad at Rupert Murdoch about before. That's I'm not saying I'm one of. And also like they were.

Telling them their story about Elvis was true. I mean, what they were saying about him was accurate, right? Nobody disputes that. But anyway, how did you know about Red West and Sonny West?

Oh, I know all kind. I just, I think I think I know a lot about Elvis. Fanatic. Well, a fanatic is a little crazy. Yeah, I know a lot about when, I know when I, when I have areas of interest, I go deep, and then I know a lot about it.

Shake that off and say, Oh, it really depends. I mean, sometimes yes. I mean, look, most news is not good news, right? Most news is is negative in some way or another. Like, some things are very distressing, obviously, the.

Do you? I mean, I guess Twitter has become a different thing, but it's really weird now, isn't it?

Yeah, are you on it? Like the algorithm? I got off, I could. Yeah, it's interesting because I.

Didn't go on it that much, but there are certain ways where you can get the news, and kind of a straightforward way on Twitter. And then I felt like it started to change. And now I'm seeing a lot of stuff that just really depresses me. And I feel like I'm a very heavy lens has been put in front of me. That's distorting the picture.

I feel like there's an algorithm that look all social media has this now. Where they, I mean, they've all been doing this for their exacerbating and making us see conflict and hate and stuff like that. But I feel like this new permutation of Twitter is like, it's showing me things I don't want to see. Like there's a whole I. You know, I have the people I follow and I want to read them. But like, it defaults to some other group of tweets that like, I don't who, I don't want to watch, I don't want to read these tweets from these people.

Is what you. This is what you would like to read.

Yeah, from, you know, really awful people, and I don't know. I mean, it's just strange to me, but I'm sure he knows what he's doing. Yeah, yeah.

All you see online is extremes, like the people in the middle aren't really that active, people are extreme who are just.

Just talking about Twitter, are you talking about also all of them? All this? Like when I go on, read it.

I feel like it's like, sometimes it's very doomsday. Well, of course, it's read it. What do you think, what are you talking about?

That's like, I go into the dark web, it takes a turn, yeah.

Can I just say even the pornography I watch is very, it's very doomsday. It's always like, let's do it. What's the point? We'll be dead soon.

I thought it was.

I watch, listen, I like to score my own pornography.

Everybody.

Listen on Mute and then you do the music.

La, la, la, la.

I've never heard one chugga, chugga, I've just never.

Time you guys watched porn?

This is not a squishy. oh, that's a clapping sound. I know I can't squish with my hand.

We have a respected newsman.

The Clippers scored another hit.

You were about to have twins and you, you suggested I named them Leopold and Loeb.

Well, I don't know, I mean, what if I'm just saying? If one of her kids were a little chubbier than the other one, they could be a little boy. Yeah, that's a little thicker. Well, there you go, that's right.

He's probably listening right now, and a single tear is going down, I.

The end notes are just I put those in the end of, at the end of every book, so people can know what's real and what's not real. From all the stuff I write about. Because there's historical fiction, it's historical fiction, so there's real things. And if you want to know, you know Jacob, Did Jake make up Viva Knievel?

I think that critic had made up their mind before they went. I think they went, you know, to hate Evil Knievel's movie. I would have written a wonderful review for that movie. Well, I think Gene Kelly was in it. Well, this is.

Oh, the Irwin Allen.

Also, all the Irwin Allen disaster films had the biggest Hollywood stars of the 30s and 40s and 50s were in disaster movies in the late 70s and 80s. Yeah, and it's mostly them saying, My God.

Think about the towering inferno. It had Paul Newman and Steve McQueen, and O.J. Simpson and Fred Astaire. That's right, keep going.

Fire and Roddy McDowell's in all of them, right, and George Kennedy, a George Kennedy is in ever, almost every disaster movie.

But, you know, so did you talk about the killer bees thing in this war? We've alienated so many people in this play about the swarm, I mean, I'm not the swarm, but the killer bees. So when?

You may be you too. No, no, yes, I love that. You pointed to play who's actually about 22, but he went through.

Do you remember killer bees? Okay, killer bees were a big thing that we're gonna kill us all. So right, they were coming from South America, they were coming. They did a horror movie about it called The Swarm.

Anyway, no, no, it was. It was a I remember it was a again, an incredibly cheesy, kooky movie about the killer bees coming and taking over towns. And I remember there's at one point, I think it was Michael Caine was a scientist in it, and he said, Warm is that I don't do a Michael Caine impression.

Like all of all the insects, it was the bees. It's more like, Um, I can't believe it was the bees. You know, it's just a slow, it's a slow.

Then?

The shit is hit. The fan you remember when you remember the horror movie starring Michael Caine called The Hand just watched that. Did you watch? Really? I haven't seen that.

I'm going for it's actually the hand, correct.

But you don't find that out to like the last minute of it. Yes, I didn't wrote it. Oliver Stone Yep, who plays a cameo as a bum in that movie? yeah.

We.

Got more time, let's cover some movies.

This is what talking to you does, Jake, because your books are filled with all this stuff. Then the next thing, you know, we're talking about the hand, and so we might as well get the word out on the hand. Yeah, written and directed by Oliver Stone. Yeah, and that same old story about a cartoonist who loses his hand.

Oh, I got, I got places, I got places, we know you have. Check out her dark web where she has the squishy porn.

I'm gonna watch it subreddit I'm gonna watch for.

Well, thank you so much, you guys are very, you're very kind. We're not professional.

I don't know that we've helped you in any way. Yeah, but I think your listeners read books, I think they do, they do. They're very.

God bless you, go in peace, thank you so much.

No, no, he said. Why should I care what you like and don't like?

Yeah, despite all of our little sibling rivalry have. You know, I think you're a very funny guy, you did this voice on there, or you're, you're that age Conan, telling your father what you like, uh-huh. And I was editing and I was fucking rolling.

That guy, and what I really like to do is when I'm really doing a prissy young fellow. I like to say, instead of father, the Latin pot hair, oh, pot hair, pot hair. And I have a little bell, a ding-a-ling-a-ling. Yes, son, what is it?

Half and half's too thick. I love that. The other five children are a hundred percent normal children, and you're the only.

Where's a little beanie? I will tell you a true story, which is, this is an absolutely true story about my brother Luke. We lived in Brookline, Massachusetts, and we would walk. There was this store that we would go to and it was like a small grocery. And our parents would send us, my mom would send us an errands, like, can you go get some hamburger?

Yeah.

Anyway, a little Luke, I love you glory. You're still smarter and better than me. But man shouldn't have whipped out that Latin in front of those hockey players for that. I mean, that's on you, man.

Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien. Sonim Obsession and Matt Gourley Produced by Me Matt Gourley executive produced by Adam Sachs. Nick Liao and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Your Wolf. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.