Separated at Birth

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Stop it.

Stop it YouTube, stop it, I'm going to stop this podcast.

I'm going to turn this, Oh, hi, Katie, you've come at a bad time.

Oh boy, no, no, Katie, we were just come on.

I was trying to hit.

Like a cat, do you know that we've had an episode start almost verbatim to this before?

Well, this is who we are. Yeah, we're very. And also I choose from the weapons that are near me. And it's either that or this generic iced tea bottle. And that would be more hurtful. So I go with.. ..

I am in Longmeadow, Massachusetts, so I'm kind of west side of the state. We are not quite to the Berkshires, but well past Worcester around Springfield.

Okay, well, all my people are from basically either Worcester or Sturbridge, Millbury, that kind of area.

So just keep going west a little bit if they come across us, yeah.

We never did go west there. Listen, I'm sorry that I was interested for a moment and it didn't entertain you, Katie, I was just giving you an idea of where I come from.

These towns sound fake. Yeah, they don't sound real, like goodwill.

Like Glendale AltaDENa Well, I'm sorry Katie, again, that's our feud. So you and I could be related. I have a sister, Kate, and she has a similar color hair as you.

Could be I've got some Irish, so it's possible, yeah.

Well, it's good just to have some, not too much, yeah.

Not too much. Yeah, I agree that'd be weird.

Katie, tell me a little bit about yourself. What do you do for a living?

Well, actually, if you don't mind, before I tell you about what I do for a living, I wanted to share something kind of cool. Sona, We have the exact same birthday, same years, same date, every October 13th.

Okay, well, now I'm bored. October 13th.

Okay, 1982, 1982, I mean, okay, slight difference. I was born in a hospital.

Okay, sorry Katie, katie, katie.

I liked you, Katie, and then you lost me.

KATIE To be honest, to be honest. And we've looked. There were no records taken where Sona was born.

That's because maybe you two were separated at birth.

Very similar. Okay, hold on.

SONA I am so sorry I made that joke. I actually hate myself for making that joke. Don't.

Don't.

Conan, You're a real dick when you make a joke like that. Yes, that's a real bad joke. Thank you. I couldn't help myself.

I love when fans call in and tell me I'm a real dick. That's always a highlight. I do too, yeah.

Yeah, so I am married, I've got two awesome kids. Probably the most interesting thing I have going for me is. I'm a social worker in a kidney transplant program, so I work with people who need kidney transplants. And then I work with people who want to be living donors, so people who want to donate an organ to somebody. So kind of a cool, amazing world I get to work in.

That's fascinating. So obviously, kidney donor, you donate a kidney because you have two, right?

Correct.

So it's not like I can walk in and say I want to be a heart donor, but then I want to leave the hospital. That's not going to happen.

Not going to happen.

But I mean, there are other things that we have two of. anything we have two of, we can donate one, huh, okay?

You could.

I mean, no, I don't think it would be a good idea. That's pretty radical, yeah.

I don't know personalities.

I think they do. Pieces of lungs personality is amazing, I'd give a whole lung.

You would? No, of course not. I don't think so well, that's actually a very cool thing you do, so you need to match people right so that they don't reject the organ.

Well, it's amazing, they have made so much progress in terms of you have to match. Ultimately, to have one organ go into somebody else, it has to be compatible is kind of the term that we use, but there's so many ways to do it like you can swap.

I mean, that is an incredible person that comes in and says, I understand. If a friend or a loved one, or someone you know really needs a kidney. But to come in and say, I just want to offer up one of my kidneys because someone will be able to use it is incredible.

It really is, yeah, yeah, and we see it fairly often, people come forward and it changes them.

That's beautiful, I'm afraid I'm kind of a hoarder. I'm looking for a third kidney.

Oh, no.

Just to keep it on the side.

I want many extra kidneys put in me because it's one of those things where it's like, you know, I can't throw these out. And I want to, in fact, get more. The way my brother Neil collects toaster ovens.

It's the same thing.

Yeah, so you do that and people come in now, you work with other people that do this as well, right?

Yeah, so we're a whole team, so everybody's kind of got their specialty. Obviously the medical is kind of the big part, but as the social worker, my job I'm really focused in on. You know, how are they going to cope with this? Do they have the right resources?

Because sometimes people have seller's remorse. Do you have people that give a kidney? And then they come back a couple of months later and they say, you know, I'd like that back, yeah. Or is there paperwork that protects you from such an event?

There is paperwork, absolutely, consents must be signed. It's something we spend a lot of time educating, really. Trying to make sure somebody is aware that you know what you're getting into, what you could feel afterwards. Thankfully, I've never had somebody come back and say I regret it.

I tried to start a kidney loaning program. Oh, no, you can't do that. I'll just loan the kidney, but I want it back after a month.

Were you charging?

Yeah, yes, I was charging, I wanted to really have it be a money-making scheme. As you can tell Katie, I don't have a good heart, I have a dark, dark heart.

It's a new heart. What does a black market kidney go for?

Ooh, are you asking me? or conan me? I have no idea. Oh, because I have the answer.

You do.

Do you, yeah, let us know nothing to talk about.

No, I don't have the answer. It's a terrible question now. Do you work exclusively in kidney donation? do you work alongside people or with groups that handle other kinds of donations, organ donations?

We donate our center, so every center is a little different. There are liver donor centers, and there's organ transplants, heart, lung, liver. We're kind of a smaller program, so we just focus on the kidneys here.

What about this whole budding science of this concept of growing organs? You know that we're going to have the ability soon to grow organs that we could? Then I almost said, sell, which I shouldn't have said again, I'm sorry. I work with people that monetize everything.

It's your fault.

Should we have Conan? O'Brien needs a friend. Merch organs is what you're saying.

Yes, that's what I'm saying. You can get a kidney that, says Conan O'Brien needs a friend on it for $9.99.99..

Do people walk in saying, I want to donate my liver and you're like, get the fuck out of here.

That's next door. What do you mean?

I know.

They come in confused, thinking they're going to donate the wrong kidney.

Yeah, but wait a minute, why would she say, Get the fuck out of here? Why wouldn't Katie, who seems very nice, just say, Oh, I'm sorry? There's a misunderstanding. We do kidneys.

They're competitors.

Katie, How do you like your soulmate over here?

You don't know.

Katie.

No, well, kind of. It's made of Lego bricks.

Oh, cool.

Yeah, so my husband actually works for LeGo, so we are crazy Lego, he works for the LeGo Group.

Wait a minute, your job is great and all I know, right, yeah.

The real humanitarian is the man working for Lego.

Yeah, you don't need to feed his ego on this. He actually is hilarious. He always talks about what a hard day he had and I'm like, Oh, really.

Yeah, you're actually saving lives and he's building a fake oil Derrick or whatever. A merry-go-round, I mean, I'm sorry.

It's you doing the string dance.

Yeah, it's you doing the string dance.

Huge waste of a lot of Lego bricks.

Hey, no, this is the best because, despite me using some not-so-nice language at the beginning, I love you Conan. And so this is actually supposed to be Marilyn Monroe, so the set was supposed to be Marilyn Monroe's face, like the Andy Warhol.

So that's not.

I laid every one of those little studs and you doing the string dance, touching your nipple, saying Keep cool my babies, or some version of that. Yeah, that's like, equally iconic to Marilyn Monroe singing Happy birthday, Mr. President in my mind.

So I was like, this is perfect, not just in your mind, but I think worldwide. No. I think that's really cool looking. I mean, that's what our merch department should be selling right there. Not a chill chums cock cozy.

I haven't seen this on the website. Where do you got to go to get this thing?

Cockcozy.

You can get your organ and a cock cozy all in the same cart on your merch.

I had a major argument yesterday earlier today with our Merch team because they showed me some chill chums. Blanket that's made of a highly flammable material that looks very uncomfortable. And he said, Just stop making this stuff, stop it, just stop it. Look, what's behind Katie right there?

Well, you've got to have a collaboration with LeGo to do that, you know?

Yeah, I'll take care of that. Hey, maybe your husband could help me? Collaborate with LeGo, because a LeGo Conan podcast or the classic late night set from the early 90s, these are things that would sell tens of copies.

What did you do for Lego?

I would be one of their students. So the joke is that I don't know what his actual title is, and I people ask me this all the time. He's like a businessy number guy, he does sales.

No, no, no.

But it's not like that.

But he's not putting the bricks together.

No, he's not, but they at all of their meetings, they have like sets in the middle of their table so they can build and they're they're very cool.

It's a wonderful company. I thought you said, sex, I do too. Did you hear that too? I do too.

Lego's the place to work. Yeah, that's cool, they're European, right? They do those kind of things there.

Yeah, it's Denmark. It's all about things fitting into other things.

Come on now.

I'm sorry, but that's the whole. LeGo's a very perverted toy.

Click.

Well, there you go, it's very erotic.

They call that click clutch power, that's the term Lego has good clutch power. I don't know how you make that sexual, but yeah.

What is clutch Power?

I don't know what that is.

It's like the click.

The click.

That's the click. Yeah, I love it when it just clicks and it just latches in.

You take it apart and do it again, you take it apart, yeah.

Now you're making it pornographic. I thought that's what we were doing. No, that's what you were doing. You freak everyone born on your year, your date is a freak. I'm sorry.

Katie, Do you have a question for Conan? I do.

So it kind of goes back to the kidney transplant donor thing.

I'd like to really think before I donate, because I'm saving mine. Yeah, I was saving it for, you know. I might want to have it be part of some weird ritual at some point, but we'll see.

Yeah, well, and I don't know that you'd make the cut anyway, but that's whoa.

Hey Katie, quickly. How does one make the cut? Because I am fairly healthy, but I might be too old.

Right? But remember well, no age would be fine. Remember, I mentioned, though, psychosocially stable, good mental health. We try and stay away from, like egomaniacs, self-deprecating people who maybe struggle with boundaries or secondary gain, those kind of things. You know, no, I'm just kidding.

How about people that mutter and go, mmm?

That's red flag number one.

Do you really think okay? But is it possible that? Because that brings up a good point? There's a school of thought I've heard, and I don't know if it's just a wife's tale. That if you take an organ from one person who has certain traits and put it into another person, that person can maybe pick up some of those traits. Now, that doesn't logically make sense because I don't understand how that would affect neural pathways, but is it? Do you ever think it's true? yeah.

Yeah, so this is perfect. That was exactly what my question is. This is a phenomenon that we see all the time. So quick story. We had a patient who received a living donor kidney from an anonymous person, so he had no idea who it was. And one day, we're meeting a couple weeks after his transplant. And he said, Every time I go to the bathroom, I feel like I want to sit down to pee. And he's like, I just really think my kidney came from a woman.

Wow, well, I hope it would be one of my positive qualities. uh-oh, uh-oh. well, why don't you guys just start listing all my positive qualities?

Yeah, I got to go get a watch.

See you later.

Keep looking at nothing going. I got to get a watch.

You keep looking at us, it isn't going to happen.

Okay, I think that. Let's say I donated a kidney and I didn't know what it was going to, but it went to this bald man. I think he would be phantom, combing up a giant pompadour all the time. That wasn't even there. And he'd have a comb in his back pocket and he'd be doing all the motions. And people would be saying, What are you doing? And he'd say, I don't know. But I feel like I just have to pile this invisible something on top of my head, like a pastry, yeah.

Yeah.

Because it's such a fundamental part of who I am, I think.

Yeah, I think that's what gets transferred is the essence of the person, right, right. So yeah, that makes sense.

Right, I'm very intrigued by this whole organ donor process. I am an organ donor. It says that on my driver's license.

That's important to know, there's other ways if you don't. If there's people out there that are interested in being donors and you don't want to think about a living donor thing, you can put it on your license. That makes a huge difference. People's lives are changed every day.

So someday, theoretically, someone could end up with your kidney, yeah, yeah, or worse.

Or worse?

His penis, I mean, or....

It's an organ, right?

My penis is.

It's like a floor model.

It's literally like a car that has maybe nine miles on it.

A certified pre-owned.

People are like, Is this?

Oh god.

Tip your waitress, tip your uh-oh, uh-oh, I gotta get a watch.

Sax is saying, No, no, no.

Thumbs down Uh-oh, this is bad. Oh God, why? oh no.

Thank you, I'm gonna let him know that, but yeah, his work is definitely cooler. It's pretty awesome.

I think it's the best. It sounds like he's a remarkable keeper anyway. Katie, thank you so much and take care.

Thank you all, right, bye bye.

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