#2093 - Sober October Crew
2024-01-26 03:36:19
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
Joe Rogan podcast, check it out! The Joe Rogan Experience. Strain by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day!
You looking for me? What?
You wanted the picture?
He does it in New York too, where no one wants to talk to anybody. Is that the one?
His, Dice Clay's, his Instagram is performance art. They don't appreciate it because performance art is snobby. And you think you have to be left-leaning, you know, liberal, super fucking progressive. Like, that's the only way you can have performance art. But no, what Andrew Dice Clay is doing is some of the best, wild performance art.
The hat, the king's hat. I saw this one. The king's hat. The hat. What about the hat?
My hat. The king's hat.
Good.
No, I'm saying I can see that you're a fan.
No, we're talking about my coworker.
Oh, no. If you wanted a picture, I would, you know.
I see that.
No, you wanted the picture with me? No. Yes, no?
You want me to take you a picture?
No, I thought you were a fan and wanted.
. No, I'm just a super fan. Alright. I just said the king's hat, and I haven't even worn it in four years. Alright, take care.
He does this to so many unsuspecting people.
First of all, is this even legal?
Wait, did you see the one with Matt Damon?
No. He just got Matt Damon?
He got Matt Damon?
Get Matt Damon.
No, he didn't.
Matt Damon's at the fucking airport.
No.
Having a beer and a burger.
No. And he goes... I'm getting anxiety.
You just gotta see it. It's so fucking good. It doesn't feel too good. It's so fucking good. And Matt Damon is the sweetest animal alive.
He just looks at him like.
. Huh? And by the way, Matt Damon's at fucking LAX in Delta, just having a burger and a beer, like a regular fucking dude. And he is just hanging out. You gotta find the video.
He seems like a very normal guy.
But he's like, this is why I don't do this.
I've only had a couple interactions with him.
I think that's fucking Southwest.
This isn't even the lounge.
No, it's our lounge.
His face with the glasses.
The picture. With the face.
No.
Matt Damon has no fucking idea.
He has no idea.
He has no fucking idea. No, here's the question.
Is that legal?
Sort of, but it should not be.
And is that legal? You could just take some guy who's working in an upholstery shop.
Yeah.
And Andrew Dice Clay. It's like, he wanted the picture.
The picture. He does it on street corners a lot. So, like, you're in public, right? And if you're in public, you can be filmed. Which is also wild.
Which is wild. Which is insane.
It's kind of wild. And you can be filmed against your knowledge.
It's kind of wild. My favorite is when those young white kids do it to just black dudes. And then they're like, hey, did you want to kiss me on the lips? And the guy goes, no, you're talking to the wrong motherfucker. And he's like, in a second.
And then he just jaws the dude and knocks him unconscious. And you're like, that's even.
There's a bunch of those that go sideways. That are stupid.
It's like, at least you got it.
They're not really thought out. Or there's the fart prank. You know, like there's people that do.
Fart in elevators?
Oh, they'll fart like in public. But they'll go to like the hood. And then like walk up where people are hanging out. And then just fart. And you see, black people be like, nah.
And like get up. And like chase. you. Like it's. It's because it's like you're trying to elicit this.
Do you remember Kentucky Five movie?
Reaction, that's.
It's very dangerous. Remember Kentucky Five movie?
It's super dangerous to do that. Yeah. It's super dangerous.
It's very, very dangerous to just. Because they don't know that you're doing a prank. No. They think you're a crazy person.
Yeah. And they think you came over. Yeah.
If someone's that nuts. They just get right in your face out of nowhere. With some goofy thing to say.
And if you're doing the fart one. They think you're like. You're coming over. Right. To where people are.
Just to fart on someone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't go well.
No. No. It's for a prank for my YouTube. They're like who's.
What are you talking about?
You just pick the wrong people. And they just instantly go into violence.
Did you see the fucking guy? Oh my God. This is in Europe. Where his prank. Was.
he pours liquefied dog shit on people.
What?
Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He just got arrested.
Oh my God. So you're like. You're on the subway. And he has a bucket.
Oh, no.
Of dog shit that he's put in the bucket. And put water in.
Oh my God. And then he dumps it on people. He dumps it on their heads? Yeah.
Just kill them. Dude.
YouTuber arrested for throwing bucket of poo on train passengers.
He's done it many times. Like several times.
He's filming. He's got to.
Oh, my God.
Oh, fuck this guy.
It's super insane. Oh my God. That's a bucket of shit.
Oh. Psychopath.
Yeah. And then he's just like.
What a psychopath. He just dumps a bucket of shit on this guy's back. Belgium.
I've heard enough of this crap. Not well played.
And that's an easy way to be dead.
Oh, my God.
You do that to the wrong person.
They'll throw you in front of the train.
Any person.
That is so crazy.
Especially like.
Yeah. There's a lot of people that.
That is so crazy.
It's totally insane.
He just dumped it on that guy's neck. Yeah.
It feels like water for a second.
Oh.
Just shit all over you.
Shit all over you. You're hours from home.
Look at that little black chick going. What? She's like. I'm going to be a prankster.
That's. It's insane. This is the most insane thing I've seen. What? But that is like.
He's not being charged with assault, battery. Yeah. Like you know.
Well, I think it's like a bioterrorism too. There's something weird. Like human shit falls into a weird category. Yeah.
Spitting on someone is like. Super toxic. Is almost like hitting them. Yeah. Like they have to.
Rubbing shit in people's faces in the subways. Really? Just coming behind them with pickup dog shit. And then just rubbing on people.
Dude. Native Americans used to dip their arrowheads in shit. Just to ensure that you'd be infected. Yeah.
Wow. We got to take care of that.
Yeah. To poison people when you get hit.
Right. Because it immediately.
Infection. Yeah. You're getting. Yeah. You're getting infected.
They knew about that. Shit is what caused all the plagues.
Yeah.
So it caused all the plagues.
We saw that guy. That was shitting his hand.
Tom and I have an offer out to Mark Cuban. To rub shit on our faces for 1.75 million dollars.
His shit?
Our shit. No, no. Your shit.
Hold on. You shit. He rubs on your face? No, no.
Barehanded? No. Now, listen. We're hoping that Elon hears this. And then ups the ante.
And says, Mark, if you shit on your face. I'll give another 1.75.. But yeah. Tom, and I. Tom's fans of this guy that shits on his face.
Wait a minute. There's a guy that you're a fan of. that shits on his face? No. Tom loves it.
There's this guy.
Jesus Christ. Hold on. Jesus Christ.
There's this guy that will like. He'll do like a birthday wish naked. He just stands there naked. And then he flops his dick around. But if you pay him more, he'll shit in his hand.
You're not going to believe this. It's actually worse when you see it. It's pretty bad.
It's pretty bad. That's naked Martin.
Oh my God. It's worse. when you see it. It's pretty bad.
It's so bad, Joe. Joe, Joe.
Joe, you haven't even heard the worst.
Oh, Joe. You got a surprise coming your way.
Yeah, you got a surprise.
You got a surprise coming your way. What?
Don't worry, Joe. You'll get it.
Am I going to have to watch this? You'll get it. There he is. Are you going to make me watch this?
What? He looks, just like you.
Do the one with the oranges, Tom, please.
When I came to your mom's house, dude, I had a really hard time not throwing up. There's multiple times. I had to look away. Oh, Jesus.
This guy looks like old Joe.
If you go to his naked Martin.
His Twitter.
You might be able to find it, Jamie.
NakedMartin.
co.
uk. Is that what it is? Just for the folks at home?
This is if you want to book a video. Oh my God.
Folks, if you want to get yourself a video.
But usually this does.
Gentleman is Naked Martin. Yeah. Martin.
Naked Martin. Nice piece, though.
Naked Martin is just, it's all about showing his hog. Which, by the way, is. No.
By the way.
No, stop. Hold on. How did he do that?
The guy's magic? He's magic?
Reverse video. Yeah, it's a reverse video.
By the way, that's a promo video I would have done in a fucking heartbeat. Sell some fucking tickets.
Can I just pause to point something out here? How wild is Twitter?
Twitter loves everything.
You can have full porn on Twitter.
Twitter goes full porn.
But for some reason, that is like outside of the conversation when it comes to advertising boycotts.
That's totally true.
Isn't that interesting? Because, like they're saying, if you allow certain kinds of conversations, we won't advertise.
Is he going to cover his glasses? Go back to the glasses.
Go back to the glasses. Is he covering his own glasses? Yes. Oh my. What's he going to do with that?
What's he going to do with that? Fuck, are you making me wild?
Look, his stomach's pulsating.
By the way, that's not that bad. I'd do that.
This guy's going to jerk off on food that he eats.
That's not food.
Joe, I don't think the video's over. If I know Martin, he's got another trick up that sleeve. What are you going to do, Martin?
What are you going to do, Martin?
No, Martin. There you fucking go. That's why he makes the big bucks, motherfucker.
I legit just retched. Legit just retched. I almost lost it.
You've got to find a face smothering. Stop it. Get rid of it, Jamie. Please, stop. Jamie.
Find a face smothering. Don't do it.
Don't do it, Jamie.
Bring it back when you find it.
I think I need smelling salts.
Okay, but I wanted to ask you this.
You're going to pause.
I remember you had Jack Dorsey. No, Jamie.
Stop, Jamie. I need a drink.
I need a cigar.
I need something to clean the pen.
Jesus Christ, that's so crazy.
That's someone's baby boy.
Oh, fuck.
No, no, no more. Come on, buddy. Okay.
Come on, man.
This is depressing the shit out of me. That's someone's baby boy. Someone was playing catch with that kid in the park.
Wait, hold on. So, when you've had, like, back in the day, you had Jack Dorsey on. You've had Zuckerberg on. And you've talked about, you know, censorship. Like, you know, what gets policed?
Because it always feels like these big companies have kind of, you know, inconsistent rules about what they do. Oh, if it's this, and this could be misinformation. Or we don't know if we can verify. You know, it never feels like, oh, that's the clear answer. But on Instagram, there's this thing where, like, you know, somebody could say something about whatever.
A political candidate. Maybe COVID. And then people go, like, that account is gone. Right? Or it's like, but you and I have a text thread that is pretty horrific.
That is fueled only by Instagram. Yeah. And you're like, wait, why is all of this okay?
Tom and I every day send each other the most horrific shit we find on Instagram. Right. It's bad. Every day. It's bad.
It's people getting run over by trains every day. It's people getting mauled by animals.
What do they say? Shot.
Fucking, electrocuted. Hit by lightning. Dump trucks fall on top of them.
So I actually ran into an engineer at Meta two days ago. And he was talking to me, and I kind of was like, what's up with this? And he's like, yeah, there's just so many accounts. It's hard to, and I'm like, no. I go, these are accounts that have been up forever, and they just have murders.
Well, here, not only that, they just show up in my feed, and I'm not following them.
Oh, yeah, of course. That's the thing.
It's like the algorithm knows that I've watched that shit.
He said, if you look at something for two seconds, that means they will start sending you more.
So does the algorithm recognize that you like car accidents?
For sure. Or that you're watching them. It's just saying this guy will watch a car.
It's not enough to like, don't click on that, because it'll lead to more.
But my point is that that means that the algorithm recognizes what that video is. Right. So if the algorithm recognizes what that video is and it doesn't flag it.
Then it could take it off if it wanted to.
But if they wanted to just like, not only let the algorithm encourage you to watch it, but leave the videos up.
Because the baseline goal of all those is keep you on the platform.
We should go back in our text thread like six months and see if any of those videos are still up.
I bet you a lot are.
That would be wild. Because some of the ones, there's so many war ones. There's so many ones of like drones dropping down on people and you're watching their legs blow off. I watched a dude get sucked into a sinkhole.
I saw four blacks here fall into a sinkhole.
Sinkholes are crazy.
That's Florida. Sinkholes are crazy. Like one day your house can just fall into a bottomless pit. Yeah. Out of nowhere, the earth collapses underneath, where your structure is.
A car in an intersection, just swallowed up. Swallowed up. And you realize that like, who do you call? Do you think you're like, hey, I'm mad at the mayor. There's nothing you can do.
The earth just did it.
Well, the reality is, asphalt is preposterous. It's a ridiculous idea. It fucks up erosion. It does so many things. Like.
it fucks up absorption of the water, naturally into the ground. You're covering everything with rock.
Yeah. They're going to call you an anti-faulter.
And then underneath that, what's happening? What's happening underneath all that rock? I would imagine a lot of that. water is moving around in there. And if it creates a nice little pocket, and then you get the weight of all these buildings, and then one day just, they just go under, dude.
They've lost blocks. Have you ever seen, like those crazy giant sinkholes? Where like a whole block is falling into it? See, if you can find a giant sinkhole. That's not real.
That's not real. That's not real.
No.
That's photoshopped.
Is that photoshopped?
It has to be.
Look at it. Read the caption.
Oh, no, it's real.
That might be after they imploded it.
Oh, man, it might be real.
It's so deep, though.
Let me double check for another source. Yeah, let Jamie double check. But I think that one was real.
They did a good job with the overhang.
Look, if you're looking at the ground, you're thinking the ground. If you're looking down, right? You're thinking the ground.
Wow.
I think it's real, dude.
It's real.
That was the original 9-11 memorial.
It's insane, because it looks like a fucking UFO just went through the earth. It looks like a black hole went through the earth. Yeah. It looks so perfectly cut.
How lucky are you if you're the house on the corner that now has a beautiful view?
So lucky.
Bro, how much are you thinking about moving? How much are you thinking about moving? Hey, be careful coming out.
Be careful leaving.
It came out in almost a perfect circle.
Yeah.
That's so weird.
Doesn't that make you feel so small in the world, though? I would want to get the fuck away from there. Of course.
I would want to get the fuck away from that spot. That spot might fall into the earth.
But it just makes you feel like you're so arrogant for thinking that any of this is yours.
The arrogance. when the big waves were coming in to California, like a month ago about, I drove the girls out to go look at the big waves. They were a fucking mass of 20 feet. It's really impressive. It sounds like thunder.
And Isla got swept out by a wave. There's a video of it. It's not bad. She's fine. What?
It's funny. It's on my Instagram.
How swept out?
You can see it. She didn't get taken out to sea. She got overtaken by a wave. And it's funny because it's very lighthearted. And I don't even think I handed it well as a parent.
Yeah, you filmed and didn't help?
I filmed and then said, is your cell phone in your pocket?
But what's crazy is the moment of clarity after that, where you go, hold on. We're not safe here. Hang on. This is actually really dangerous. This is Isla.
And she was just fucking around. Oh, boy. And it's aggressive. Of course, we're all laughing.
She's far enough away where I'm not scared.
Sort of.
But if she slipped further back, that's all coming back.
But what I'm saying is that's one of those 50 feet here, 50 feet there things. If you fuck up and you're 50 feet in front of that and you think you can get away.
I've had multiple ocean scares now. The ones where you're like….
Crying on the beach.
Well, no. Just that. in the moment, I keep telling myself, don't panic, don't panic, don't panic. And one I remember was in Hawaii, where we rented a Jeep. And we were like, we want to go see something.
So they tell you, oh, take this road. And it takes you to this single road that goes up where there used to be volcanoes. And we come up on this beach. And they had mentioned the beach, but not really too much about it. And so when we parked, I was like, I love the ocean, water.
I'm going to get in the ocean. So I get in the ocean. And I remember that going in, the beach into the water was a decline. So you go down. And I was just like knee deep in there.
And I was like, man, this current is pulling back hard, like really hard. And I kind of take a step back. And I feel myself going further down a decline into the ocean. Right? And when I decide to get out, I have to really push hard, like all legs, like boom, boom, like run, like you're running up a hill.
To get out. And I was like, that was fucking…. If a wave hit you there, you're kind of fucked.
There was a guy who was a WWE wrestler.
They tell me, though, when I get back to the hotel, I go, yeah, we took it. I go, that beach was a little scary. They go, did you get in the water? And I go, yeah. And they go, oh, you can't get in that water.
They're like, you'll drown in that water. Did you notice? there was nobody swimming there? I go, yeah, I noticed. I thought it was beautiful.
I thought I found a fucking oasis.
They won't tell you?
They didn't tell me. They're like, do not swim in that water. They're like, you can't swim out of that. They're like, if you would swim 10 feet in, they're like, you're just gone.
Oh, my God.
And the panic you feel, especially in retrospect, because you remember the feeling of being like, I think I'm stuck here. I think I'm stuck right now.
Fitzsimmons saved a lady in Thailand. Really? Yeah, someone was drowning, and Fitzsimmons swam out and saved them.
Really?
Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was Thailand. Somewhere crazy like that. Yeah, he was on vacation. I might have made up Thailand.
It doesn't sound like a place Fitzsimmons would go.
No, he would go. He's a world traveler.
He's a Hawaii guy. He surfs in Hawaii.
Wherever it was. Fitzsimmons went in the ocean and saved a lady. No shit. Yeah.
I saw my dad save a lady.
That's a scary thing.
It was at the bottom of the pool. He was just laying at the bottom of the pool.
Oh, my God.
And I was like nine years old. It was like father, son. He took me to this resort, and there's a slide. You ever go on a slide where the water that comes off the slide. In other words, when you hit the water, it's like high impact.
You're like, holy shit.
And it pushes you down. I'm nine years old. This was many years ago. And I remember I could swim. I was on the swim team as a little kid.
But I remember being like, fuck, that is powerful. It pushes you down, right? And you just swim up. People are at the resort. And then look down, and my dad swims to the bottom of the pool and pulls up this lifeless body.
And then they do CPR, and she came back.
Shut up.
And they would write letters to our house for years. Really? She was 19..
Oh, my God. She wasn't a little kid.
Did you see the guy?
Oh, my God.
The snowboarder upside down when the random skier comes by.
Yes.
Just sees a snowboard sticking this far out of the snow. Yeah.
Is this the one where.
With two feet. And the guy was buried under the snow.
He goes, what the fuck? He stops. He goes up there.
You saved the guy's life randomly.
Is this separate? Have you seen the footage where the guy's wearing the GoPro? I've seen that. Right? And then he's like.
Falls into the ditch. Into, like a hole. Oh, yeah. That is visceral, that film. Oh, my God.
And then he's just like, we'll see what happens.
Obviously, he got out because there's footage. But when you're watching that, you're like, oh, my God. You could just fall in there forever. And apparently, that's something that happens.
Tree wells.
That's something that happens. So this guy just falls. And then watch this. Bro.
What?
I know Bert's feeling this.
No, I've had a couple experiences like this.
And he manages to stop himself. What the fuck?
How the fuck do you get out of that?
How the fuck do you get out of that?
Fuck the skis.
How do you get out of that?
It's over, Joe.
But no, he's out.
I think I've read about this. They had to get search and rescue. He had to hang out down there for a while. Search and rescue had to come up.
Holy shit.
He's so lucky.
He's so lucky that he stopped right there.
Right here, he's not flailing. He's putting his arm and his ski out. So this guy was able to keep some composure. Which is kind of the craziest part.
Oh my god. So this is the snowboarder that's buried upside down. So this guy just sees that little blue piece. Bro. Just randomly.
This happened to me.
Skied right over him.
Yeah, he easily could have missed that.
Could have gone the other way.
There's not much blue.
Soft snow. He's in a tree. well, is what it is. So the tree wells, it's really soft, soft snow. So if you get stuck in a tree, well, you are fucking dead.
A lot of people die in tree wells.
God damn.
Yeah, I'm thinking of getting one of those GPS things.
We went snowboarding in Matterhorn, heliskiing. And the guy put a beacon on us. And the first thing he said, he puts a beacon. It's like four feet of powder. And he says, this is so we can find the body.
And I was like, what? He's like, you might fall into a crevasse or an avalanche. So we put the beacon on to find the body.
Wow.
That feeling, this happened to me, that feeling is terrifying.
This guy's like, thank you.
Good. We'll get you out of here in a sec, okay?
He was dead. The panic. He knew he was dead.
I'm feeling panic watching this.
So what happens is, like what happened to me when we were heliskiing, is I fell face forward in powder. I just, I'd never, snow skiing, snowboarding in powder, four feet of powder is very different than snowboarding. It's like you have to have your bindings reset. You have to really know how to ride the powder. And I could not turn right.
And the guy's holding me, he's like, don't go within five feet of my track. Stay within my tracks. So the whole time, I can only turn left. At the time, I really wasn't that good of a snowboarder. But I could snowboard, but not in powder.
And so he's going like this, and all I can do is go left. And I'm just going off the track. Oh, no. And I'm fucking panicking. But by the way, we're at like 13,000 feet, 14,000 feet.
It's very little oxygen. I'm gassed. I'm fat. I'm hungover. It's the day after the national championship that we went to.
So we had eaten edibles.
It was the day after that?
It was the day after that. I flew to fucking, I flew to Switzerland and immediately landed and went hella skiing.
I don't remember that.
And so, no, no, no. When we went to Florida State versus Alabama.
Oh, 2013.
Yeah, 2013.
. So all of a sudden, I go to cut right, and I catch my nose. And I fucking go face first in the snow. And at first, I'm like, fine. I push my arms in, and they just do not touch anything.
It just goes like this. And now snow's impacted on my face, so I can't really breathe. And first of all, I deal with panic. But panic kicks in immediately, and I'm like, this is why I have the fucking beacon on. And so I try to clear the snow out of my face, but I'm like pulling all the muscles in my back, trying to turn over.
And then the guy just comes up behind me, grabs me on the back, flips me over. And he goes, you should see your sound guy. My sound guy's upside down. Ski's kicking upside down in the snow. And we just got the fuck out.
We got on a helicopter and got the fuck out. I was like, this isn't safe.
Yeah, I'm not interested in any of that nonsense. Did I tell you about my last ski experience? I only used to ski with my family.
This resonates every time I go skiing, because you go, it's not worth it.
He always says that. He always says it.
Every time I go skiing.
I would go skiing because they wanted to go skiing. And I would be like, this is fun. It's good for kids to learn early because they're really good at it. And my wife likes it. But I would be like, don't get hurt.
Don't get hurt. Don't get hurt. Didn't get hurt. Back up. Don't get hurt.
Don't get hurt. Didn't get hurt. Good. So all I'm doing is mitigating risk the entire time I'm skiing. Because I've had fucking three knee operations.
I really know what it's like to blow your shit apart. And they're naive to how vulnerable your knees are. And kids are fucking rubber. They just fucking bounce off rocks and they're fine. They fall down.
They only weigh 80 pounds. They fall down. They get right back up.
Right back up.
So this last time, I was going around this turn. And this lady didn't know how to ski. And it looked like she was just a fresh beginner. And she was doing the pizza thing. But she was sliding right into the trail.
And it's a narrow trail. And I'm like, I have two options. I'm wiping this lady out or I'm going to catastrophically fall down. I went with option two. And I fucking tried to slide around this lady.
And my skis went up in the air. And I banged the back of my head hard. Oh, fuck. And I fractured my leg. Helmet on.
Helmet on.
Yeah, it's called an insufficiency fracture. It's a fracture at the top of the fibula. Or the tibia, rather. Where the tibia, like, touches the cartilage. I had a fracture.
And I was 100% concussed. Wow. Because I got on.
Wait, helmet on? Excuse me? Helmet?
Yeah, helmet on. It didn't matter. It was hard snow. Head first. Bam.
And I remember thinking, like, wow, that was a big one. I remember thinking that. Like, when I got hit, I was like, that's a big one. And I got on the ski lift afterwards. And I just miscalculated.
Like, I wasn't coordinated. And I fell down. And I couldn't get up. What? Like, I couldn't get up without help.
The lady had to help me get up. She had to reach out and grab my hand.
Because of the concussion.
100%. Wow. 100%. So I'm just dizzy. I'm off.
How long ago is this?
A couple years ago.
It was more than that.
It was pre-pandemic.
Joe, I think about this every time I go fucking snowboarding.
I think it was three years ago. No, I think it was three years ago.
After pandemic?
Yeah, I think it was during pandemic. It was when people started skiing again. It was before. It was definitely before.
I don't think so, Matt. Joe, this story resonates. Maybe four years.
At the most, it's four years old. But I was like, that's just. And then Shane Dorian tore his fucking knee apart. World champion big wave surfer tears his knee apart, snowboarding. Just slammed into a tree.
That's why you got to ski, folks.
Oh, hey, hang on, hang on.
Do you want to hear a story about old fucking Mace McGee? I was skiing.
I was skiing.
You don't like snowboarding? Oh, no, no, no, no. Let me share the story of skiing with Ari Shafir. So, first of all, Ari gets this app that tracks how fast you're going. So, the entire ski trip is based on how fast can you get.
And Ari's like, I think I got up to 70.
. I bet I can break 75.. I bet I can get 75..
Jesus. Sound barrier.
You're going 75 miles an hour on skis?
I was trying to. Yeah.
So, we go. Our last run in, it's a blue.
Park City.
And Ari is absolutely reckless. Off trail.
Well, because O'Neal's better than me. I'm like, let's race. And I'm like, go. And I just got the one second head start.
So, we got Sean Patton, Mark Normand, O'Neal, Rennesese.
Fat, gay, loser. Yeah.
And we're all. just, all we're doing is skiing to a bar, okay? We're all going to go get drunk and ski to a bar. And I just hear Ari fucking basketball. He dresses like a fucking 13-year-old.
Basketball jersey. Fucking, he's got the Viking horn helmet on. Like a fucking lunatic. This isn't, is this?
That's my Mavis jersey, though. And look, I got my sweatpants over the chair.
And so, Ari is at the top of the mountain. He's like, let's see how fast we can go before we get to the bar. And I was like, I'm on a snowboard. The fastest I'm getting is 37 miles per hour. That's the fastest I'm going.
And I'm terrified. Because I hear you in my head going, it's not worth it. It's not worth it.
Because he had already stopped.
Ari decides to break the sound barrier. Pins his feet together. And, like a goddamn bullet, starts fucking flying. Literally, feet in front of the bar, wipes out and breaks his wrist.
Some snowboarder turned back too fast. He was making nice, wide loops. You broke your wrist through that? And then he, like, made a sharp one. Flew.
Yeah, demolished it.
He had to get reconstructed.
Yeah, there was a pin in there. Really? Yeah.
And all I heard was Joe Rogan, it's not worth it.
How fast were you going? I was going pretty fast. I was winning. I thought O'Neal was right behind me. He had stopped immediately.
You have to think about it this way. For this momentary thrill of adrenaline and excitement, you potentially risk a life of catastrophic injury.
That's every time I come on this podcast.
I get it. Look, I get it, because life is finite. I get it. You want to live and experience everything you want. But I believe you should mitigate risk.
And I believe people are drawn to excitement.
You seek out dangerous animals.
Yeah, but I'm telling you, I mitigate risk. And the risk of skiing, to me, it's like that one, it's like there's too many variables.
What do you think is the most dangerous activity? Zipping around.
You do. Well, when I'm training, I'm not doing jiu-jitsu right now, but that's for sure the most dangerous.
Because of the potential damage. Other than driving a car.
Yeah. You're practicing strangling each other. Yeah. And you're doing it with people who are really good at strangling people.
Yeah. I love skiing so much.
Grabbing your legs and yanking them apart. Yeah.
This last trip was the last time.
How was skiing as a less fat guy?
As a sober person.
As a less fat guy.
As a sober person.
As a less fat guy.
It was fucking amazing. I did a weird thing this year. I didn't post any videos. I didn't record anything. I just hadn't lived.
I just lived. Whoa. My girls loved it. They were like, this is great. We're not on Instagram for fucking people to see.
And I wasn't drinking. For once. And I was skinny. And I was like, I said. the only thing I recorded was I want to show you my favorite trick.
I could touch my foot. I could never touch my foot snowboarding. So getting my bindings on was so fucking tough.
It was so annoying.
Oh, because your gut was in the way.
My gut was in the way. And it was so uncomfortable.
Dude, you were on stage Tuesday night. And I was like, you're too jacked. You're too jacked to take your shirt off now.
You look great.
It's not funny anymore.
It is. I can't. You know, there are people that really believe that?
Yeah.
There are people that really believe it. Oh, now, you're not funny.
It's your freedom of you being you as you taking your shirt off. Your freedom of you being you, and now you no longer have a gut and you got jacked shoulders. You got traps and shit. It's like that's a celebration of still who you are.
Also, you're still fatter than you were when you were the fat guy.
What? I'm still fat.
I'm still fat. He got so fat that he lost weight. Everyone's like, that's amazing. When he started playing the fat guy.
Playing the fat guy?
Playing the fat guy.
You mean when Tom started fat shaming me? Yes. When Tom was fatter than me and decided to start fat shaming me.
I naively thought that when we did the first challenge, which was the weight loss challenge that led to Sober October group.
Yeah.
I really thought you'd stay on that path. You got so skinny.
I didn't care.
I didn't care.
You have to want to do it. November 1st. I'll tell you right now, Sober October was an interesting experiment, but I will tell you, having done like three months or whatever I did, that one month is, and the big difference is I stopped drinking on planes because I wasn't not drinking on a plane because of you three assholes. Like. I was not drinking because of you guys.
And then when you're not drinking and you go, I'm not drinking for me. It's very fucking different. And then that was, then I got really comfortable on planes and I was like, oh, I've, I can get through this.
I can't. scientists, just make a booze that doesn't kill you. Can't you fucking wizards out there?
There has to be.
There has to be.
Make a booze that doesn't kill you. There's gotta be a way to, if you can make synthetic marijuana and turn it into pills, there's gotta be a way to take whatever the fuck it is that alcohol does. good, that gives you that fun, the sparkle, carefree, so fucking cool. Everything feels right.
It's gotta be.
It washes over you. The sun sets and the day goes away.
And you're just like in a good mood. You get that buzz. You ride it.
A nice meal. Like. how many times have we had meals on the road where we're having a couple of drinks and we're eating a nice meal and we're talking and we're laughing and we're just enjoying ourselves.
God damn. It's the best.
It's the best.
The best.
Such a fucking tool. The potion.
Dude, I was doing the Wilbur. I'll do it again this weekend. But, uh, uh, she asked, uh, uh, Bloomberg stars.
Did you say Ari Shaffir is going to be at the Wilbur in Boston this weekend?
Thursday and Friday.
The legendary Wilbur.
That's so funny. I thought you were in Cheyenne, Wyoming next week.
How many shows?
Oh, is that you?
Oh, I'm in Cheyenne, Wyoming. How many shows are you doing?
Three shows. Three shows. So two Saturday, one Friday.
Two Friday, one Thursday.
Oh, no. Oh shit.
You're not going to be in Atlantic City? You're not going to be at the Atlantic City Hard Rock?
No. Who's that?
Oh, no, no. I'm there in the summer.
I did that with Joey. I did it with Joey and Tony. It was fun.
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